This one got out of hand!
I made this for toestastegood for the Five Acts comment fic challenge. Toes is WONDERFUL in general and even more so for organizing the challenge. The problem is that while this was supposed to be comment fic, it morphed into almost 4300 words of sappiness. Ooops. Please excuse the schmoop, it might cause cavities.
Title: And What If (We Had Another Chance)
Fandom/Pairing: Lost, Sawyer/Kevin
Notes: for toestastegood who likes reunions and hand holding ;) Something this long should have been betaed, but wasn't. I'm really sorry about that, feel free to send me notices of errors by PM/email if you think I should fix it.
Nick's call comes as a total surprise, finding Kevin drinking a beer on his patio after a day that hadn't been so bad.
"Hi there yourself!" Kevin says. "It's been what, three years? How are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm great, thanks. I just had to call, you won't believe what happened." Nick's voice is full of glee: the guy has always been way too keen on gossip. Kevin doesn't even have to urge him on that he's filling the blanks already. "You knew one of the Oceanic Six people, right? The Austen chick?"
Blinking, Kevin sits straighter. He'd met Moni- Kate after the trial, to get some sort of closure for that surreal part of his life. It had been awkward and stilted even if she did look like she meant her apologies. Kate was clutching her little boy like a lifeline and Kevin hadn't dared to ask about James, even if he knew he'd been on the Oceanic 815 flight too. Kevin didn't want to hear how he hadn't survived the crash, and anyhow Kate would not have understood his interest. Kevin had met Sawyer in Tampa after she'd already left; there was a lot she didn't know about him, and he didn't want to explain. Finding his voice again, Kevin finally answers Nick.
"Yeah, and?"
"Can you believe they went back there? Where they crashed? Came back with other survivors, too! Man this is gonna be so big! I had to tell someone," Nick says excitedly, but then tempers it with a quick, "not a word of this, Kev, okay?"
"Cross my heart," Kevin says automatically, but said heart is thundering in his chest. "Do you know the names? Of the other survivors?"
"Hmm, well, huh, let me check the list..." there's the ruffle of paper and all Kevin can think is that a list means several people, and maybe... "Okay, so there's a handful of people who weren't on the plane at all, those who were back the first time, but there's also the Kwon guy they'd said had died, Claire Littleton, Rose and Bernard Nadler and a James Ford. They even brought back a dog."
Kevin distantly hears his bottle shattering on the cement tiles.
***
Kevin silently thanks the government's paranoia when he gets to Los Angeles eight hours later and the miraculously found are not on their way home yet. It seems the Feds have taken over and wanted to question them all, first, keeping everyone handy to cross reference facts and stories. Then, Kevin supposes, they'll feed them to the jackals. The information has leaked, which is not surprising with someone like Nick on the case, and there are dozens of media vans parked in front the hotel, the reporters vibrating with excitement and ready to jump for the jugular.
Flashing his handy dandy police badge - Kevin can't believe he left before he even changed - can only take him so far with the Feds, though. Kevin stops when he reaches the private dining rooms where they're keeping them all, or so he heard. He just hopes Sawyer didn't make his escape, yet.
"Kevin?" It sounds surprised and Kevin twirls to see Mister Babble-mouth himself.
"Hey Nick! You had me all curious, I had to come and have a look too," Kevin says, aiming for amused. Nick frowns.
"But I called you in Miami..." he starts, baffled, looking at his uniform.
"Oh no, I was in... in San Francisco, on a special seminar with my precinct, stupid bonding stuff," Kevin lies through is teeth, taking his cell phone out of his pocket and wiggling it. "I figured I'd come and see how Kate's doing," he says with a shrug.
Not that Kevin cares one bit how Kate's doing apart in the general I-hope-she's-okay way, but it sounds better than 'I'm here to see if the big gay love of my life still gives a shit about me'.
Nick looks around, and then nods towards the door that's guarded by a couple of G-men.
"'Kay, because you saved my hide that time in Orlando, I'mma let you in. C'mon," he says with a wink and Kevin could kiss the guy. It must be the proximity to Sawyer that's rapidly turning him into his gay mode.
Now that they're actually entering the room, after another flash of badges and a couple of words from Nick, Kevin's hands are sweaty and his throat is dry. Maybe coming over was not a good idea; he should have waited to find Sawyer once he had separated from the group, not in public like this. A couple of heads turn to them when they walk in, but their expectant faces turn to annoyed upon seeing Nick and someone else in uniform. There are a bit more than a dozen people in the room, sitting in clumps of 2 or 3 here and there, and Kevin doesn't spot Sawyer with a rapid scan, and he fears he understood it all wrong. A man who was sitting at the table closest to the door raises and stalks over.
"Can we go now? It's been hours," he says, obviously ready to get out. Shephard, Kevin's brain supply. One of the Oceanic Six, the guy who got engaged to Kate. Who's - oh, look at that! - right next to him, looking surprised to see Kevin.
"Won't be long now," Nick says with his most charming smile and Shephard looks ready to strangle him, as if he heard that answer one time too many. But he calms down when Kate puts a hand on his arm. She then smiles up at Kevin.
"Hey Kevin," she says, and yeah, she's still beautiful and there's something so sweet in her smile right now that makes Kevin remembers why he loved her so damn much. He opens his arms and she comes in for a hug, and it's like all of the awkwardness is gone now, as if he's healed, finally.
"Glad to see you're okay," he says when they separate, and he means it. From the corner of his eyes, he sees that Nick left them some space and is now discussing with a young blond girl who looks a bit lost, and that Shephard went back to sit but is sort of eyeballing him with distrust.
"Thanks," Kate says, pushing a strand of loose hair between her ear.
And then there's not much more to say, and Kevin fidgets. He darts looks around and finally spots Sawyer, who's got his back to the door but he'd recognize those shoulders anywhere. Kevin's stomach somersaults, and Kate must notice something on his face because she raises her eyebrows.
"You look as if you've seen a ghost," she teases, and he almost laughs.
"Yeah, something like that. If you'll excuse me..." he says, leaving her there because this is it, it's now or never. Sawyer's petting the infamous dog, a sympathetic looking Labrador, as if it's a long lost pal while a short Asian guy complains beside him.
"Why the hell are they keeping Hugo for so long? He's the last, right? When they're done with him we can go?"
Kevin stops, five feet away, staring. Sawyer's tanned, leaner than he was before he left but he seems healthy, whole. He looks goddamn fantastic. The guy sitting with him has noticed the staring and frowns up at Kevin.
"That's the plan, Sulu," Sawyer answers, rubbing the dog's ears and then throwing the man a smile, one of the real ones and Kevin suddenly wonders what he'll do if Sawyer has moved on. It's been three and a half years, now. An eternity for a guy like Sawyer, who generally moves on after a night or two.
But Kevin's here, right next to the guy, feeling like he's going to faint and he has to know. He gathers all of his courage and speaks up.
"Still the nickname king, I see," Kevin manages to force up and out of his chest, relieved that it comes out light and teasing.
Sawyer's head snaps around and he looks at Kevin with eyes opened comically wide, completely surprised, jaw almost dropping open. He's so beautiful anyway, Kevin thinks helplessly. Since it's not every day that you manage to drop one on James Ford, Kevin manages to smile through his nervousness.
"Ah, Jesus, cops coming to get you already?" Sawyer's friend says, but he's not important.
What's important is the expression on Sawyer's face, how surprise morphs into a genuine grin, one that reaches Sawyer's eyes again and at least he's happy to see him. It's like years fall of Kevin's shoulders and he relaxes a little. He then tilts his head to the side and puts his hand on his hips.
"Are you going to stay there and look at me all day or do I get a hug?"
Sawyer throws his head back and laughs, something he did so little back in the days but that Kevin had always been so proud to get out of him. He scrambles up and all but launches himself at Kevin, who catches him in a fierce hug while the dog barks as if it's a game. The sensations that hit him at once, how Sawyer's there, real, solid in his arms, his smell and the way he just clings to him like he never wants to let go is almost overwhelming. Frankly, Kevin doesn't want to let go either, and he certainly doesn't want to wake up. Just this, he wishes; he wants this, just a minute more. Kevin turns his face in Sawyer's neck, feels his stubble against his own and it's something he had never forgotten. He hangs on just a little tighter.
"Oh, God, Kev," Sawyer says after what could have been minutes and reluctantly Kevin loosens his arms so they can look at each other. He's pretty sure he's matching Sawyer's dopey grin.
"Let me guess, this is not any cop?" the little Asian dude snarks.
Sawyer laughs some more and looks sideways at the guy, looking mischievous.
"Oh no, Miles, he's one of a kind. Aren't you, Tiger?"
The old endearment rolls off Sawyer's tongue like he's never stopped saying it and Kevin shrugs, hoping he's not blushing.
"I'm an ordinary cop. I just hang out with scoundrels," he says and somehow they've gone from a hug to stand side by side, Sawyer's arm over his shoulder as Kevin can't help but curl his own arm around Sawyer's waist, hand resting on his hip. If he can get away with touching, he's going to indulge himself as long as he can.
"Scoundrels, huh?" Sawyer says with a smile.
Kevin nods.
"Uh huh. Speaking of, that girl you know as Kate?" Kevin says and when the guys quickly look at each other for half a second, Kevin he suspect that Kate's criminal past was probably not a secret wherever they were. "Well I knew her as Monica," he says pointedly, raising an eyebrow and it only takes a second before Sawyer blanches. Kevin had told him the whole sad and pathetic tale, once upon a time when totally drunk. The teasing afterwards had been relentless.
"No fucking way!" Sawyer exclaims. He looks totally gobsmacked. "Freckle's your ex-wife?"
This time it's Miles who laughs.
"Oh wow, you banged your buddy's ex and you didn't even know? That's so... tele-novella of you, Jim," Miles says.
The words should not hurt, since he never had expected Sawyer have been celibate for all that time - heck, Kevin himself had tried dating and had a couple of flings - but they do anyway. They were surely beautiful together, his traitorous mind provides. But what's done is done and Kevin grips Sawyer's waist and pulls him a bit closer.
"You dog," Kevin forces himself to say, trying for light.
Sawyer shakes Kevin's shoulders a bit, plastered on his side and looks sheepish, yet teasing.
"Ooops, sorry 'bout that. Had no idea."
Kevin shrugs. It won't give anything to resent Sawyer for what already happened.
"Yeah. But you better not do it again!" he says with a wink and Sawyer grins.
"Deal. Boy I'm glad to see you, Kev, but what are you doing here?"
That's a very good question. One Kevin's not ready to answer right now.
"I heard you were back from the dead," he says.
Sawyer winces, then nods.
"News travel fast."
Kevin's not going to stool Nick, so he tries to act nonchalant.
"Yeah. They're about to let you go, wanna stay for the press?" Kevin says.
The grimace of disgust speaks volume.
"Cold you help me avoid it?" Sawyer asks, now looking hopeful.
If they go out the back, before the rest of the group, Kevin's pretty sure that he could spring him.
"I think so," Kevin says.
Sawyer smiles.
"Great, I'm so ready to be done with this, you have no idea. Let's go," he says, letting his arm drop to splay his hand in Kevin's back, who starts walking, wondering if it's going to be that easy.
"Whoa, that's it?" Miles says. He's almost pouting.
Sawyer has a little affectionate smile for the guy, lets Kevin go and extends his hand to Miles. When he grabs it, Sawyer hauls Miles up - who makes a surprised squawk - and hugs him too.
"Stay safe, buddy," Sawyer says.
"Sure thing, boss," Miles answer before stepping back. "Maybe you could call, from time to time?"
"I'll do that," Sawyer promises.
Those two were obviously friends, good ones at that, but Kevin doesn't sense anything more. As soon as they part, Miles walks away to join another little group, dog trailing him even if he tries to shoo it away, which leaves Kevin and Sawyer by themselves.
"Do you need to say goodbye to anyone else?" Kevin asks.
Sawyer's eyes dart to the left and Kevin follows the gaze to Kate, who's looking over, curious. Kevin figures she saw them together and now wonders where they know each other from. Sawyer tips an imaginary hat in salute with a grin and she smiles back, wiggling her fingers in a good bye. At the same time, she leans toward that Shephard guy, and it must be significant because Sawyer scoffs, exchanges a nod with him too, then look back at Kevin.
"Nah, it's done already. Let's go," Sawyer says. "I just want this nightmare to be over with."
"Okay, come on," Kevin says, walking towards the door that separates this dining room from the next.
There's a federal agent there, but he looks as ready to go home as everyone else and after speaking in his comm. unit, he lets them pass. Now that they're out, Kevin has no idea where to go. He came to LA on autopilot and didn't think this through, if he's honest. In the best case scenario, he'd take Sawyer right back to Miami, but he's not sure if that's what Sawyer wants. For now, Kevin figures that getting out of the area where the journalists roam is priority number one, so he walks briskly through the lobby towards the back, where the hotel announces a Spa and Beauty parlor for its client. There's surely a back door and it will do just fine. Sawyer's following on his heels almost silently, but his presence is obvious to Kevin's every senses none the less. He almost jumps out of his skin when Sawyer grabs his wrist.
"Hey, Kev, wait a sec," Sawyer says, holding strong and halting their progress.
Kevin turns to look at him, about to ask why they're stopping now but he doesn't have time because he's pushed against the wall gently but firmly, Sawyer inches away and looking at him intently.
"Why did you come, Kev?"
Kevin darts a look around and sees they're alone in the corridor. No one to witness if he gets his heart broken all over again, then. Taking a deep breath he starts with the same explanation as before.
"I heard..."
"Is that it?" Sawyer interrupts him, eyes searching his face. "Just to see if it was true, if I was alright?"
It's so much more than that, of course. Kevin had always been careful with Sawyer before, when he'd show up on his doorstep -- always unannounced and at random intervals. Kevin had never asked questions so Sawyer wouldn't feel pressured into anything, afraid that if he did Sawyer would run away for good. It had seemed to work, as Sawyer had stayed longer and longer, the last time six whole months before he had disappeared, a couple of weeks before that doomed flight. But obviously Sawyer now wants to know why Kevin came running to LA, so he just lays it out in the open.
"I want to take you home."
Sawyer's eyes close as if overwhelmed, and for a second Kevin is sure he went too fast too soon, that it was the worst thing to say. But apparently it wasn't, because the next thing he knows Sawyer's plastered against him and they're kissing. It's like Kevin's heart is on a roller coaster, flipping in his chest and he has to hang on with both hands to Sawyer's shoulders so up stays up. The kiss is slow and so very sweet, as Sawyer's fingers find their way into Kevin's hair, cradling his head carefully.
Sawyer kisses him like he's something fragile and precious, and Kevin opens up for careful swipes of tongue that make his chest seize up like he's never going to be able to breathe just right again. Kevin kisses back but wants more, wants to feel skin and all the ways he knows they fit together so well. He reaches for the door handle to his right and it's locked, which makes him grunt. He should rent a room, bring Sawyer there and they wouldn't surface for days. Sawyer seems to read his mind because he tries the handle too, then starts kissing Kevin's jaw.
"I could pick the lock, officer," he whispers in Kevin's ear. "Let me open this door, right now, so I can get my hands on you like I've wanted to do since I saw you."
How is Kevin supposed to say no to that? He nods, but even then it takes minutes for them to be able to stop kissing, each kiss leading into one more. Sawyer looks around and with one last peck to Kevin's mouth he goes to a flower arrangement a couple of steps away. He fiddles a bit and comes back with a piece of wire and a wink, then starts working on the lock while Kevin stands guard, not even feeling guilty that he's participating in a B&E to get laid. Oh well.
It doesn't take long before they're in what appears to be a massage room, and Sawyer starts kissing him again, with a bit more desperation but still sweet as honey. He walks Kevin backwards until he's propped against the table, and starts working on his uniform buttons. For all that they've always been urgent and kind of rough when having sex before, Sawyer's uncharacteristically gentle right now and Kevin just follows along, going with the flow.
"Why are you in LA with your Miami uniform, Tiger?" Sawyer purrs. "Is it because you know how hot it makes me?"
Kevin laughs as his own clumsy fingers try to reciprocate on Sawyer's shirt buttons. Damn them all to hell for being so small.
"No, it's because I hopped on a plane as soon as I heard," he confesses and Sawyer looks at him sharply, but then strips him of his shirt and forgoes more comments for licking and kissing at Kevin's chest. "Yeah, god, Sawyer, please," Kevin says as the kisses trail south and he's so hard he thinks he's going to come before they even get to the real fun parts.
"Sometimes, on that godforsaken rock, I thought I'd made stuff up," Sawyer says as he undoes belt and zipper, whispering against Kevin's skin, who has to strain to hear the words. "How perfect you were. How lucky I had been to have found you, and how the Island was my Hell to pay because I had dared leave you to run after a revenge that wouldn't give anything, in the end."
"Did you find him? Cooper?" Kevin asks. Sawyer's eyes when he looks up are stormy.
"He found me. And I killed him," he says, intent, and a shiver goes down Kevin's spine. He's sure it's true, and God help him, he should care but it doesn't change anything. Kevin cups Sawyer's jaw, caresses his cheekbone with his thumb.
"I'm sorry," he says and Sawyer leans into the touch.
"Yeah. Me too."
He then seems to shake the mood and pulls Kevin pants and shorts down, then smiles up at him.
"Oh, how I've missed this," he says, before sucking Kevin's cock right in without any hesitation, all sinful heat and pressure. It's sensation overload and Kevin lets his fingers get tangled into Sawyer's hair, the pleasure building up so quickly he knows he's going to come embarrassingly fast. He can only praise and curse and barely a minute later he comes so hard, he fears he's going to black out. Kevin gets his bearings back when Sawyer kisses him again, looking smug like the cat that ate the canary.
"Oh yeah," he says, and Kevin has to laugh. Some things never change, and that seems to include Sawyer's pride at how he can totally undo Kevin.
"Jesus, that was awesome," Kevin says, then cups Sawyer through his jeans, palming his cock that's hard and straining against the material.
"Fuck, yes, c'mon," Sawyer pants, pushing hard against his hand. Kevin manages to snake a hand into his pants that are way too loose and hang precariously on Sawyer's hips and closes a thigh fist around Sawyer's dick, relearning the feel of a cock in his hand, how fucking hot it is.
"I've got you," Kevin croons as he jacks him off, keeping the strokes long and hard, just how Sawyer used to like. He must not have lost his touch all that much because Sawyer keens and spills all over his hand after a few thrusts, then let his head fall to Kevin's shoulder as he sags against him. Kevin lets go of Sawyer's dick when he's through with the aftershocks, then manages to grab a couple of tissues from the workstation near the table to clean his hand. All the while Sawyer just pants against his neck, then captures him in a crushing bear hug once more. Kevin holds on. He hasn't felt that good in years.
"Oh, god, I missed you so much," Kevin whispers, so happy he's afraid he's going to make a fool out of himself and start to cry. He rests his cheek against Sawyer's head, who's rubbing his back, although if he's petting or soothing is not clear.
"Me, too. You have no idea."
Kevin wants to believe that so much. He'd known that he was in love with Sawyer for a long time, but he'd always wondered if it was one sided. Sawyer liked the sex and being bossed around, that was for sure, but Kevin had never known if he felt anything for him. Then he was gone for good, all of a sudden.
"I thought you were dead," Kevin says. 'I'm still not sure I'm not dreaming this,' he doesn't add.
Sawyer holds him closer.
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry," he says, and sounds really earnest all of a sudden. Kevin wonders how close he came to really bite it. If he's allowed to, Kevin wants to take care of him, make him forget all of the bad things.
"Will you come home with me?" Kevin dares to ask, very softly.
Taking a bit of distance, Sawyer looks at him in the eyes, fingers trailing on Kevin's cheek and he looks half devastated, half hopeful.
"I don't deserve you, this." Sawyer voice cracks on the words.
He's always been like this, sure he didn't deserve good things. It seems that his little adventure in the Pacific didn't make that feeling go away.
"Nonsense. You know I've never cared about what you'd done. I want you, with me. I need you." Kevin can't help the hint of pleading in his voice and hates himself a bit for it.
"Even after what I did? After all this time?" Sawyer asks, and he could be referring to so many things. How he'd used Kevin's laptop and secured link to the police database to make a search on that Cooper guy, then disappeared without explaining why. For a second, when Sawyer had left, Kevin had wondered if he hadn't been conned all that time they had been together just so he could get that info through him. Sawyer could also be talking about the murder he just confessed, and god knows what else.
"I just know this feels right," Kevin says as he links his fingers with Sawyer's and squeezes. And it does feel good, so much, like he's found a piece of himself that had been ripped away by force.
A smile, at last. Sawyer kisses his cheek, oddly chaste.
"If you say so, Chief. Well if you'll have me..." Sawyer says with a shrug, as if he doesn't mind one way or the other. It's a whole lot of bullcrap, though, his eyes are clear enough on the fact he wants it probably as much as Kevin does.
Kevin grins, tighten his holds on Sawyer's hand.
"As if I'm gonna let you go now. Nuh huh. You're stuck with me, pal."
Sawyer smiles back, dimples out in full force.
"I can live with that," he answers, and leans forward to kiss Kevin some more, sealing the deal.
The End
(once again? excuse the over indulgence. I have my sappy moments, and it seems they all poured into this 0_o )
Title: And What If (We Had Another Chance)
Fandom/Pairing: Lost, Sawyer/Kevin
Notes: for toestastegood who likes reunions and hand holding ;) Something this long should have been betaed, but wasn't. I'm really sorry about that, feel free to send me notices of errors by PM/email if you think I should fix it.
Nick's call comes as a total surprise, finding Kevin drinking a beer on his patio after a day that hadn't been so bad.
"Hi there yourself!" Kevin says. "It's been what, three years? How are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm great, thanks. I just had to call, you won't believe what happened." Nick's voice is full of glee: the guy has always been way too keen on gossip. Kevin doesn't even have to urge him on that he's filling the blanks already. "You knew one of the Oceanic Six people, right? The Austen chick?"
Blinking, Kevin sits straighter. He'd met Moni- Kate after the trial, to get some sort of closure for that surreal part of his life. It had been awkward and stilted even if she did look like she meant her apologies. Kate was clutching her little boy like a lifeline and Kevin hadn't dared to ask about James, even if he knew he'd been on the Oceanic 815 flight too. Kevin didn't want to hear how he hadn't survived the crash, and anyhow Kate would not have understood his interest. Kevin had met Sawyer in Tampa after she'd already left; there was a lot she didn't know about him, and he didn't want to explain. Finding his voice again, Kevin finally answers Nick.
"Yeah, and?"
"Can you believe they went back there? Where they crashed? Came back with other survivors, too! Man this is gonna be so big! I had to tell someone," Nick says excitedly, but then tempers it with a quick, "not a word of this, Kev, okay?"
"Cross my heart," Kevin says automatically, but said heart is thundering in his chest. "Do you know the names? Of the other survivors?"
"Hmm, well, huh, let me check the list..." there's the ruffle of paper and all Kevin can think is that a list means several people, and maybe... "Okay, so there's a handful of people who weren't on the plane at all, those who were back the first time, but there's also the Kwon guy they'd said had died, Claire Littleton, Rose and Bernard Nadler and a James Ford. They even brought back a dog."
Kevin distantly hears his bottle shattering on the cement tiles.
***
Kevin silently thanks the government's paranoia when he gets to Los Angeles eight hours later and the miraculously found are not on their way home yet. It seems the Feds have taken over and wanted to question them all, first, keeping everyone handy to cross reference facts and stories. Then, Kevin supposes, they'll feed them to the jackals. The information has leaked, which is not surprising with someone like Nick on the case, and there are dozens of media vans parked in front the hotel, the reporters vibrating with excitement and ready to jump for the jugular.
Flashing his handy dandy police badge - Kevin can't believe he left before he even changed - can only take him so far with the Feds, though. Kevin stops when he reaches the private dining rooms where they're keeping them all, or so he heard. He just hopes Sawyer didn't make his escape, yet.
"Kevin?" It sounds surprised and Kevin twirls to see Mister Babble-mouth himself.
"Hey Nick! You had me all curious, I had to come and have a look too," Kevin says, aiming for amused. Nick frowns.
"But I called you in Miami..." he starts, baffled, looking at his uniform.
"Oh no, I was in... in San Francisco, on a special seminar with my precinct, stupid bonding stuff," Kevin lies through is teeth, taking his cell phone out of his pocket and wiggling it. "I figured I'd come and see how Kate's doing," he says with a shrug.
Not that Kevin cares one bit how Kate's doing apart in the general I-hope-she's-okay way, but it sounds better than 'I'm here to see if the big gay love of my life still gives a shit about me'.
Nick looks around, and then nods towards the door that's guarded by a couple of G-men.
"'Kay, because you saved my hide that time in Orlando, I'mma let you in. C'mon," he says with a wink and Kevin could kiss the guy. It must be the proximity to Sawyer that's rapidly turning him into his gay mode.
Now that they're actually entering the room, after another flash of badges and a couple of words from Nick, Kevin's hands are sweaty and his throat is dry. Maybe coming over was not a good idea; he should have waited to find Sawyer once he had separated from the group, not in public like this. A couple of heads turn to them when they walk in, but their expectant faces turn to annoyed upon seeing Nick and someone else in uniform. There are a bit more than a dozen people in the room, sitting in clumps of 2 or 3 here and there, and Kevin doesn't spot Sawyer with a rapid scan, and he fears he understood it all wrong. A man who was sitting at the table closest to the door raises and stalks over.
"Can we go now? It's been hours," he says, obviously ready to get out. Shephard, Kevin's brain supply. One of the Oceanic Six, the guy who got engaged to Kate. Who's - oh, look at that! - right next to him, looking surprised to see Kevin.
"Won't be long now," Nick says with his most charming smile and Shephard looks ready to strangle him, as if he heard that answer one time too many. But he calms down when Kate puts a hand on his arm. She then smiles up at Kevin.
"Hey Kevin," she says, and yeah, she's still beautiful and there's something so sweet in her smile right now that makes Kevin remembers why he loved her so damn much. He opens his arms and she comes in for a hug, and it's like all of the awkwardness is gone now, as if he's healed, finally.
"Glad to see you're okay," he says when they separate, and he means it. From the corner of his eyes, he sees that Nick left them some space and is now discussing with a young blond girl who looks a bit lost, and that Shephard went back to sit but is sort of eyeballing him with distrust.
"Thanks," Kate says, pushing a strand of loose hair between her ear.
And then there's not much more to say, and Kevin fidgets. He darts looks around and finally spots Sawyer, who's got his back to the door but he'd recognize those shoulders anywhere. Kevin's stomach somersaults, and Kate must notice something on his face because she raises her eyebrows.
"You look as if you've seen a ghost," she teases, and he almost laughs.
"Yeah, something like that. If you'll excuse me..." he says, leaving her there because this is it, it's now or never. Sawyer's petting the infamous dog, a sympathetic looking Labrador, as if it's a long lost pal while a short Asian guy complains beside him.
"Why the hell are they keeping Hugo for so long? He's the last, right? When they're done with him we can go?"
Kevin stops, five feet away, staring. Sawyer's tanned, leaner than he was before he left but he seems healthy, whole. He looks goddamn fantastic. The guy sitting with him has noticed the staring and frowns up at Kevin.
"That's the plan, Sulu," Sawyer answers, rubbing the dog's ears and then throwing the man a smile, one of the real ones and Kevin suddenly wonders what he'll do if Sawyer has moved on. It's been three and a half years, now. An eternity for a guy like Sawyer, who generally moves on after a night or two.
But Kevin's here, right next to the guy, feeling like he's going to faint and he has to know. He gathers all of his courage and speaks up.
"Still the nickname king, I see," Kevin manages to force up and out of his chest, relieved that it comes out light and teasing.
Sawyer's head snaps around and he looks at Kevin with eyes opened comically wide, completely surprised, jaw almost dropping open. He's so beautiful anyway, Kevin thinks helplessly. Since it's not every day that you manage to drop one on James Ford, Kevin manages to smile through his nervousness.
"Ah, Jesus, cops coming to get you already?" Sawyer's friend says, but he's not important.
What's important is the expression on Sawyer's face, how surprise morphs into a genuine grin, one that reaches Sawyer's eyes again and at least he's happy to see him. It's like years fall of Kevin's shoulders and he relaxes a little. He then tilts his head to the side and puts his hand on his hips.
"Are you going to stay there and look at me all day or do I get a hug?"
Sawyer throws his head back and laughs, something he did so little back in the days but that Kevin had always been so proud to get out of him. He scrambles up and all but launches himself at Kevin, who catches him in a fierce hug while the dog barks as if it's a game. The sensations that hit him at once, how Sawyer's there, real, solid in his arms, his smell and the way he just clings to him like he never wants to let go is almost overwhelming. Frankly, Kevin doesn't want to let go either, and he certainly doesn't want to wake up. Just this, he wishes; he wants this, just a minute more. Kevin turns his face in Sawyer's neck, feels his stubble against his own and it's something he had never forgotten. He hangs on just a little tighter.
"Oh, God, Kev," Sawyer says after what could have been minutes and reluctantly Kevin loosens his arms so they can look at each other. He's pretty sure he's matching Sawyer's dopey grin.
"Let me guess, this is not any cop?" the little Asian dude snarks.
Sawyer laughs some more and looks sideways at the guy, looking mischievous.
"Oh no, Miles, he's one of a kind. Aren't you, Tiger?"
The old endearment rolls off Sawyer's tongue like he's never stopped saying it and Kevin shrugs, hoping he's not blushing.
"I'm an ordinary cop. I just hang out with scoundrels," he says and somehow they've gone from a hug to stand side by side, Sawyer's arm over his shoulder as Kevin can't help but curl his own arm around Sawyer's waist, hand resting on his hip. If he can get away with touching, he's going to indulge himself as long as he can.
"Scoundrels, huh?" Sawyer says with a smile.
Kevin nods.
"Uh huh. Speaking of, that girl you know as Kate?" Kevin says and when the guys quickly look at each other for half a second, Kevin he suspect that Kate's criminal past was probably not a secret wherever they were. "Well I knew her as Monica," he says pointedly, raising an eyebrow and it only takes a second before Sawyer blanches. Kevin had told him the whole sad and pathetic tale, once upon a time when totally drunk. The teasing afterwards had been relentless.
"No fucking way!" Sawyer exclaims. He looks totally gobsmacked. "Freckle's your ex-wife?"
This time it's Miles who laughs.
"Oh wow, you banged your buddy's ex and you didn't even know? That's so... tele-novella of you, Jim," Miles says.
The words should not hurt, since he never had expected Sawyer have been celibate for all that time - heck, Kevin himself had tried dating and had a couple of flings - but they do anyway. They were surely beautiful together, his traitorous mind provides. But what's done is done and Kevin grips Sawyer's waist and pulls him a bit closer.
"You dog," Kevin forces himself to say, trying for light.
Sawyer shakes Kevin's shoulders a bit, plastered on his side and looks sheepish, yet teasing.
"Ooops, sorry 'bout that. Had no idea."
Kevin shrugs. It won't give anything to resent Sawyer for what already happened.
"Yeah. But you better not do it again!" he says with a wink and Sawyer grins.
"Deal. Boy I'm glad to see you, Kev, but what are you doing here?"
That's a very good question. One Kevin's not ready to answer right now.
"I heard you were back from the dead," he says.
Sawyer winces, then nods.
"News travel fast."
Kevin's not going to stool Nick, so he tries to act nonchalant.
"Yeah. They're about to let you go, wanna stay for the press?" Kevin says.
The grimace of disgust speaks volume.
"Cold you help me avoid it?" Sawyer asks, now looking hopeful.
If they go out the back, before the rest of the group, Kevin's pretty sure that he could spring him.
"I think so," Kevin says.
Sawyer smiles.
"Great, I'm so ready to be done with this, you have no idea. Let's go," he says, letting his arm drop to splay his hand in Kevin's back, who starts walking, wondering if it's going to be that easy.
"Whoa, that's it?" Miles says. He's almost pouting.
Sawyer has a little affectionate smile for the guy, lets Kevin go and extends his hand to Miles. When he grabs it, Sawyer hauls Miles up - who makes a surprised squawk - and hugs him too.
"Stay safe, buddy," Sawyer says.
"Sure thing, boss," Miles answer before stepping back. "Maybe you could call, from time to time?"
"I'll do that," Sawyer promises.
Those two were obviously friends, good ones at that, but Kevin doesn't sense anything more. As soon as they part, Miles walks away to join another little group, dog trailing him even if he tries to shoo it away, which leaves Kevin and Sawyer by themselves.
"Do you need to say goodbye to anyone else?" Kevin asks.
Sawyer's eyes dart to the left and Kevin follows the gaze to Kate, who's looking over, curious. Kevin figures she saw them together and now wonders where they know each other from. Sawyer tips an imaginary hat in salute with a grin and she smiles back, wiggling her fingers in a good bye. At the same time, she leans toward that Shephard guy, and it must be significant because Sawyer scoffs, exchanges a nod with him too, then look back at Kevin.
"Nah, it's done already. Let's go," Sawyer says. "I just want this nightmare to be over with."
"Okay, come on," Kevin says, walking towards the door that separates this dining room from the next.
There's a federal agent there, but he looks as ready to go home as everyone else and after speaking in his comm. unit, he lets them pass. Now that they're out, Kevin has no idea where to go. He came to LA on autopilot and didn't think this through, if he's honest. In the best case scenario, he'd take Sawyer right back to Miami, but he's not sure if that's what Sawyer wants. For now, Kevin figures that getting out of the area where the journalists roam is priority number one, so he walks briskly through the lobby towards the back, where the hotel announces a Spa and Beauty parlor for its client. There's surely a back door and it will do just fine. Sawyer's following on his heels almost silently, but his presence is obvious to Kevin's every senses none the less. He almost jumps out of his skin when Sawyer grabs his wrist.
"Hey, Kev, wait a sec," Sawyer says, holding strong and halting their progress.
Kevin turns to look at him, about to ask why they're stopping now but he doesn't have time because he's pushed against the wall gently but firmly, Sawyer inches away and looking at him intently.
"Why did you come, Kev?"
Kevin darts a look around and sees they're alone in the corridor. No one to witness if he gets his heart broken all over again, then. Taking a deep breath he starts with the same explanation as before.
"I heard..."
"Is that it?" Sawyer interrupts him, eyes searching his face. "Just to see if it was true, if I was alright?"
It's so much more than that, of course. Kevin had always been careful with Sawyer before, when he'd show up on his doorstep -- always unannounced and at random intervals. Kevin had never asked questions so Sawyer wouldn't feel pressured into anything, afraid that if he did Sawyer would run away for good. It had seemed to work, as Sawyer had stayed longer and longer, the last time six whole months before he had disappeared, a couple of weeks before that doomed flight. But obviously Sawyer now wants to know why Kevin came running to LA, so he just lays it out in the open.
"I want to take you home."
Sawyer's eyes close as if overwhelmed, and for a second Kevin is sure he went too fast too soon, that it was the worst thing to say. But apparently it wasn't, because the next thing he knows Sawyer's plastered against him and they're kissing. It's like Kevin's heart is on a roller coaster, flipping in his chest and he has to hang on with both hands to Sawyer's shoulders so up stays up. The kiss is slow and so very sweet, as Sawyer's fingers find their way into Kevin's hair, cradling his head carefully.
Sawyer kisses him like he's something fragile and precious, and Kevin opens up for careful swipes of tongue that make his chest seize up like he's never going to be able to breathe just right again. Kevin kisses back but wants more, wants to feel skin and all the ways he knows they fit together so well. He reaches for the door handle to his right and it's locked, which makes him grunt. He should rent a room, bring Sawyer there and they wouldn't surface for days. Sawyer seems to read his mind because he tries the handle too, then starts kissing Kevin's jaw.
"I could pick the lock, officer," he whispers in Kevin's ear. "Let me open this door, right now, so I can get my hands on you like I've wanted to do since I saw you."
How is Kevin supposed to say no to that? He nods, but even then it takes minutes for them to be able to stop kissing, each kiss leading into one more. Sawyer looks around and with one last peck to Kevin's mouth he goes to a flower arrangement a couple of steps away. He fiddles a bit and comes back with a piece of wire and a wink, then starts working on the lock while Kevin stands guard, not even feeling guilty that he's participating in a B&E to get laid. Oh well.
It doesn't take long before they're in what appears to be a massage room, and Sawyer starts kissing him again, with a bit more desperation but still sweet as honey. He walks Kevin backwards until he's propped against the table, and starts working on his uniform buttons. For all that they've always been urgent and kind of rough when having sex before, Sawyer's uncharacteristically gentle right now and Kevin just follows along, going with the flow.
"Why are you in LA with your Miami uniform, Tiger?" Sawyer purrs. "Is it because you know how hot it makes me?"
Kevin laughs as his own clumsy fingers try to reciprocate on Sawyer's shirt buttons. Damn them all to hell for being so small.
"No, it's because I hopped on a plane as soon as I heard," he confesses and Sawyer looks at him sharply, but then strips him of his shirt and forgoes more comments for licking and kissing at Kevin's chest. "Yeah, god, Sawyer, please," Kevin says as the kisses trail south and he's so hard he thinks he's going to come before they even get to the real fun parts.
"Sometimes, on that godforsaken rock, I thought I'd made stuff up," Sawyer says as he undoes belt and zipper, whispering against Kevin's skin, who has to strain to hear the words. "How perfect you were. How lucky I had been to have found you, and how the Island was my Hell to pay because I had dared leave you to run after a revenge that wouldn't give anything, in the end."
"Did you find him? Cooper?" Kevin asks. Sawyer's eyes when he looks up are stormy.
"He found me. And I killed him," he says, intent, and a shiver goes down Kevin's spine. He's sure it's true, and God help him, he should care but it doesn't change anything. Kevin cups Sawyer's jaw, caresses his cheekbone with his thumb.
"I'm sorry," he says and Sawyer leans into the touch.
"Yeah. Me too."
He then seems to shake the mood and pulls Kevin pants and shorts down, then smiles up at him.
"Oh, how I've missed this," he says, before sucking Kevin's cock right in without any hesitation, all sinful heat and pressure. It's sensation overload and Kevin lets his fingers get tangled into Sawyer's hair, the pleasure building up so quickly he knows he's going to come embarrassingly fast. He can only praise and curse and barely a minute later he comes so hard, he fears he's going to black out. Kevin gets his bearings back when Sawyer kisses him again, looking smug like the cat that ate the canary.
"Oh yeah," he says, and Kevin has to laugh. Some things never change, and that seems to include Sawyer's pride at how he can totally undo Kevin.
"Jesus, that was awesome," Kevin says, then cups Sawyer through his jeans, palming his cock that's hard and straining against the material.
"Fuck, yes, c'mon," Sawyer pants, pushing hard against his hand. Kevin manages to snake a hand into his pants that are way too loose and hang precariously on Sawyer's hips and closes a thigh fist around Sawyer's dick, relearning the feel of a cock in his hand, how fucking hot it is.
"I've got you," Kevin croons as he jacks him off, keeping the strokes long and hard, just how Sawyer used to like. He must not have lost his touch all that much because Sawyer keens and spills all over his hand after a few thrusts, then let his head fall to Kevin's shoulder as he sags against him. Kevin lets go of Sawyer's dick when he's through with the aftershocks, then manages to grab a couple of tissues from the workstation near the table to clean his hand. All the while Sawyer just pants against his neck, then captures him in a crushing bear hug once more. Kevin holds on. He hasn't felt that good in years.
"Oh, god, I missed you so much," Kevin whispers, so happy he's afraid he's going to make a fool out of himself and start to cry. He rests his cheek against Sawyer's head, who's rubbing his back, although if he's petting or soothing is not clear.
"Me, too. You have no idea."
Kevin wants to believe that so much. He'd known that he was in love with Sawyer for a long time, but he'd always wondered if it was one sided. Sawyer liked the sex and being bossed around, that was for sure, but Kevin had never known if he felt anything for him. Then he was gone for good, all of a sudden.
"I thought you were dead," Kevin says. 'I'm still not sure I'm not dreaming this,' he doesn't add.
Sawyer holds him closer.
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry," he says, and sounds really earnest all of a sudden. Kevin wonders how close he came to really bite it. If he's allowed to, Kevin wants to take care of him, make him forget all of the bad things.
"Will you come home with me?" Kevin dares to ask, very softly.
Taking a bit of distance, Sawyer looks at him in the eyes, fingers trailing on Kevin's cheek and he looks half devastated, half hopeful.
"I don't deserve you, this." Sawyer voice cracks on the words.
He's always been like this, sure he didn't deserve good things. It seems that his little adventure in the Pacific didn't make that feeling go away.
"Nonsense. You know I've never cared about what you'd done. I want you, with me. I need you." Kevin can't help the hint of pleading in his voice and hates himself a bit for it.
"Even after what I did? After all this time?" Sawyer asks, and he could be referring to so many things. How he'd used Kevin's laptop and secured link to the police database to make a search on that Cooper guy, then disappeared without explaining why. For a second, when Sawyer had left, Kevin had wondered if he hadn't been conned all that time they had been together just so he could get that info through him. Sawyer could also be talking about the murder he just confessed, and god knows what else.
"I just know this feels right," Kevin says as he links his fingers with Sawyer's and squeezes. And it does feel good, so much, like he's found a piece of himself that had been ripped away by force.
A smile, at last. Sawyer kisses his cheek, oddly chaste.
"If you say so, Chief. Well if you'll have me..." Sawyer says with a shrug, as if he doesn't mind one way or the other. It's a whole lot of bullcrap, though, his eyes are clear enough on the fact he wants it probably as much as Kevin does.
Kevin grins, tighten his holds on Sawyer's hand.
"As if I'm gonna let you go now. Nuh huh. You're stuck with me, pal."
Sawyer smiles back, dimples out in full force.
"I can live with that," he answers, and leans forward to kiss Kevin some more, sealing the deal.
The End
(once again? excuse the over indulgence. I have my sappy moments, and it seems they all poured into this 0_o )