Camp Wilderness Chaper 7
OK, another update. Might see some action in the next chapet I think!
Thanks for reading, all comments welcome!
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CHAPTER 7
Jack thought about that moment and that look lot over the next few days. Not so much on sunday as sunday he was kept busy, but as soon as the working week started again he replayed the conversation and the look over and over. On sunday Ennis as usual was long gone by the time Jack woke up. A masive barbeque was planned for sunday evening which meant Jack had very little work to do. He heard all about the trip to the outside world from the others, seemed like the local village was nothing to write home about but the town a busride away held some promise. Jack pretended he was interested and that he cared, but really he doubted Ennis would ever want to leave the ranch. Jack found himself wanting to be wherever Ennis was, even if Ennis wasnt around, just beacuse he could come back anytime and Jack wanted to be there when he did. Jenny brought him back some sweets and chocolate from town which he enjoyed. He tried to save some for Ennis, but Jenny went on to help herself because she wanted them to be something significant, sharing sweets leading to sharing something else. Giving Jack food her way of seeing if Jack wanted anythng else she had to offer. Jack pretended he didn't get it, all the while wondering if boys played the same little games and why he could see what Jenny and the other girls were upto. But he could not read the one person he wanted to understand more than everyone else put together. Sunday was spent playing baseball and basketball, and when they were tired, pool and cards. Jack found himself making endless excuses to go back to the tent, incase Ennis returned, not really caring what the others made of this. Other people wanted to go in the swimming pool and this made Jack nervous. Like they were invading his territory. He used this as an excuse to go to the kitchen and help with prepareing some marinades and sauces. Of course this was the time that Ennis returned, Jack's stomach pitching when he saw Ennis outside moving chairs and tables from the dining hall to around a big fire pit. He finished chopping in record time and dashed out, but by the time he had got there, Ennis had disappeared again. The barbeque was a washout in terms of Ennis. The food was excellent, but he somehow ended up sat with the girls and Ennis was but a hazy mirage he saw through the smoke and roaring flames.They all sat for hours after they finished eating, toasting marshamallows and telling ghost stories. Jack stayed quiet, he was all too familiar with real horror. Ennis of course was also quiet, but he did stay for the whole evening but he spent most of it looking down at his feet. Jenny used the ghost stories as an excuse to sit too close to Jack and at one point grabbed him in mock fear. Jack didnt want to be rude but she was just all wrong. Everything that was right only a few feet away but the real distance was not something that could be measured.
Jack gave up round midnight, and went to bed. Ennis appeared a few minutes later and the evening had a cosy conclusion as, after minimal prompting from Jack, Ennis told Jack how he'd spent the day riding horses and exploring. Ennis' excited soft voice was like a sweet lullaby and he found himself dropping off as Ennis continued to talk.
Monday came round and Jack was back to his routine, and with some alone time, back to wondering. He lay in the swimming pool, t-shirt on now because if Ennis could see him without him noticing, so could anyone else. Like the birds circling in the sky high above, his thoughts went round and round. Had he imagined it all, or was he reading too much into things? He thought the way Ennis had looked at him was not the normal way a boy looked at another boy who was his friend. But maybe Jack was just seeing his own thoughts and dreams in Ennis, imagining things he wanted to see that were not really there. Surely it was too much to hope that the man that Jack was spending more and more time daydreaming about could feel the same about him. Jack didnt know much about national averages but how unlikely was it that 2 boys in a group of 10 would prefer boys to girls? Jack was quite good at maths and this didnt really add up. He ended up convincing himself it was nothing and he was mis-reading everything. Ennis was just his friend, and that 'just' was pretty fantastic, and he decided not to ruin in by harborouing extra thoughts. The other possibility was too intoxicatingly terrifying for his own sanity and he could not dwell on it anymore without exploding. Every time he did his stomach went like the jelly he'd made one day for dessert.
Several times during the week though something happened that tested his resolve all over again. Things with Ennis had been as they were during the first week, not seeing much of him during the day, pleasant talking in the evening. He never saw Ennis when he was swimming, and Ennis had stopped collecting lunch during the morning, he now took extra breakfast with him when he first got up. Ennis seemed really tired so sometimes they barely talked, but just the smile or a nod were all Jack needed to make that single moment the highlight of his day and to send Jack to sleep a happy man. On wednesday he came back to the tent after lunch and found that someone, who could only be Ennis, had left a Book of Mammals on his sleeping bag, open on the page describing sea otters. Jack read the page, and admired the photo. He thought they were cute, wasnt sure he'd use the word Beautiful. He dipped into the book at other places, trying to memorise little facts he could then throw into a conversation to impress Ennis, or thinking of endless questions he could ask Ennis so he could lose himself in that voice.
On thursday he was hanging out in the kitchen after lunch and the ladies were asking about girlfriends. They did not believe him when he said he'd never had one and that none of the girls here impressed him much. Thankfully they did not harbour the idea it might not be girls he was intereted in, which was good as Jack was not a comfortable liar. They delighted each other by talking about him having a thing for older women. Jack was finding it increasingly hard not to mention Ennis too much in their presence. Many times during a day he'd want to say "Ennis told me......" or "Ennis says.." or he'd think: wait till I tell Ennis, or Ennis would want to know that. He really liked the way Ennis' name sounded and he'd softly whisper to himself Ennis, En-nis, Ennnnis, Ennisssss, trying different ways of saying it and pronouncing it. He thoght his own name with it's spiky K sound seemed short and sharp, but the name Ennis just rolled of the tongue, and seemed soft and soothing, like the man' himself.
His thoughts wandering yet again, Jack picked up a garbage bag and backed out the door, the ladies still teasing him as he went. Out in the yard he was met with the glorious vision of Ennis himself. A one off magic trick of perfection, Jack belived he had conjured Enis out of thin air just by thinking about him. Beacuse not only was Ennis there, in the yard, he was there without his shirt. It was tied round his waist, and Ennis was hot and sweating, and his chest was covered in mud streaks and what looked like blood. Jack could not avert his gaze. The garbage bag twisted out of his grasp, his palms immediately starting to sweat. Ennis' chest was firm and muscular and about the smoothest perfectest thing Jack had ever seen. He had seen a few torsos during gym at school but none were as finely tuned as what was now infront of him. Jack had never understood the term 'six-pack' but now it seemed he was staring at the dictionary definition. He could see beads of sweat trickling down Ennis tanned chest and when he relasised he was following thier path he snapped his head up and focused on Ennis' face. Ennis started talking urgently asking for things and Jack was too dazed to hear him properly. Cassie appeared and the spell was broken. Seemed like there was trouble with a calving and they needed warm water, and also milk and babies bottles: this one was going to need looking after. Jack was awestruck by how calm and confident and professional Ennis sounded, like he had been doing this forever and it was nothing out of the ordinary. Jack wanted to ask if he could come along and watch, the thought of seeing a cow being born almost as exciting as following half-naked Ennis to wherever he spent his days. But Jack stayed silent, despite Ennis' calm tone, this sounded like a bit of an emergency and Jack did not want to spoil things and get in the way.
Jack was giddy for the rest of the day, and he actually felt sick with nerves waiting for Ennis to return. He evetually did really late, looking totally beat and just muttered, "lost the cow, calf's doing ok" before collapsing on his sleeping bag and going straight to sleep. It took Jack much much longer to get to sleep, the sick feeling of anticipation, of waiting for Ennis to appear and speak taking an age to leave him. Jack decided then that he thought he might just be in love with Ennis, this was so much more than a simple crush. He was hanging on Ennis' every word, he was living for every moment with Ennis, and all the time he was just waiting for their next interaction, a mass of hormones, nerves, excitement, anticipation and fear. It was never enough.
He dreamt about Ennis that night. It was just a simple dream, the 2 of them swimming to a desert island but Jack not wanting to rest on the beach, just keep swimming, on and on with Ennis by his side. He woke in the morning to find he had made a mess in his pyjamas. When he first realised what had happened he was momentarily paralysed with fear as he recalled the punishment that used to follow when his mother checked his sheets every morning for "sinful nightime activity" and found something she didnt like. He now knew that this at least, unlike the bed wetting that used to happen, was normal for a kid his age and he though that today would probably be a good day to check out the site's washing facilities. Accepting what had happened made him think on ways in which perhaps he could make himself feel better about things. He was no expert in self administration as for years and years he had never dared to beacuse the punishment was too bad. Even when at school away from them he had still not wanted to help himself because he just got the feeling his mum or dad would be able to tell, as they had done when he'd first discovered that part of growing up. So years of going without had conditioned him that he didnt need to as often as everyone else (judging by some of the lockeroom conversations he overheard or eventually got involved in now it was 'safe). He found he didnt often have the need to make up for lost time, but this morning he thought 'in for a penny, in for a pound' and reached into his pyjama bottoms. It didnt take long, the dream was still lingering within touching distance, plus he was scared someone would hear, so he rushed and just held the image of Ennis from yesterday in his head. He whispered the name that was burning inside him and held the s as he doubled his need to do laundry.
The rest of the day passed as normal, Jack a bit embarassed when he first laid eyes on Ennis that evening, but his pyjamas were clean and drying, along with his other clothes. He'd wanted to wash Ennis' clothes as well, thought it would be a nice thing to do, but didnt want to touch without permission. Ennis surprised him that evening by suggesting a game of basketball. Others joined in, and they all kept going till late in the night, the floodlights giving the court a kind of spooky atmosphere. Even when everyone else drifted off Ennis seemed to want to keep going, and Jack was going to stay as long as Ennis did even though he was getting more and more tired. He had no idea where Ennis got the stamina from, but he seemed guided by some unknown resolve. Finally when neither of them were making any hoops Ennis said "Enough". Jack went to shower, Ennis just went straight to the tent. When Jack had got into his sleeping bag, Ennis muttered 'Good Night' across the darkness.
Jack replied, "I'm exhausted, should sleep well tonight".
"Hope so," Ennis whispered. Only then did Jack realise it was Friday night and he wondered if Ennis had planned this on purpose, to tire him out and reduce the risk of a repeat of last friday's nightmares. Jack knew this was a question he'd never ask, that Ennis would never answer, and with the implications of that swirling in his head Jack fell into a deep, unbroken sleep.
Thanks for reading, all comments welcome!
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CHAPTER 7
Jack thought about that moment and that look lot over the next few days. Not so much on sunday as sunday he was kept busy, but as soon as the working week started again he replayed the conversation and the look over and over. On sunday Ennis as usual was long gone by the time Jack woke up. A masive barbeque was planned for sunday evening which meant Jack had very little work to do. He heard all about the trip to the outside world from the others, seemed like the local village was nothing to write home about but the town a busride away held some promise. Jack pretended he was interested and that he cared, but really he doubted Ennis would ever want to leave the ranch. Jack found himself wanting to be wherever Ennis was, even if Ennis wasnt around, just beacuse he could come back anytime and Jack wanted to be there when he did. Jenny brought him back some sweets and chocolate from town which he enjoyed. He tried to save some for Ennis, but Jenny went on to help herself because she wanted them to be something significant, sharing sweets leading to sharing something else. Giving Jack food her way of seeing if Jack wanted anythng else she had to offer. Jack pretended he didn't get it, all the while wondering if boys played the same little games and why he could see what Jenny and the other girls were upto. But he could not read the one person he wanted to understand more than everyone else put together. Sunday was spent playing baseball and basketball, and when they were tired, pool and cards. Jack found himself making endless excuses to go back to the tent, incase Ennis returned, not really caring what the others made of this. Other people wanted to go in the swimming pool and this made Jack nervous. Like they were invading his territory. He used this as an excuse to go to the kitchen and help with prepareing some marinades and sauces. Of course this was the time that Ennis returned, Jack's stomach pitching when he saw Ennis outside moving chairs and tables from the dining hall to around a big fire pit. He finished chopping in record time and dashed out, but by the time he had got there, Ennis had disappeared again. The barbeque was a washout in terms of Ennis. The food was excellent, but he somehow ended up sat with the girls and Ennis was but a hazy mirage he saw through the smoke and roaring flames.They all sat for hours after they finished eating, toasting marshamallows and telling ghost stories. Jack stayed quiet, he was all too familiar with real horror. Ennis of course was also quiet, but he did stay for the whole evening but he spent most of it looking down at his feet. Jenny used the ghost stories as an excuse to sit too close to Jack and at one point grabbed him in mock fear. Jack didnt want to be rude but she was just all wrong. Everything that was right only a few feet away but the real distance was not something that could be measured.
Jack gave up round midnight, and went to bed. Ennis appeared a few minutes later and the evening had a cosy conclusion as, after minimal prompting from Jack, Ennis told Jack how he'd spent the day riding horses and exploring. Ennis' excited soft voice was like a sweet lullaby and he found himself dropping off as Ennis continued to talk.
Monday came round and Jack was back to his routine, and with some alone time, back to wondering. He lay in the swimming pool, t-shirt on now because if Ennis could see him without him noticing, so could anyone else. Like the birds circling in the sky high above, his thoughts went round and round. Had he imagined it all, or was he reading too much into things? He thought the way Ennis had looked at him was not the normal way a boy looked at another boy who was his friend. But maybe Jack was just seeing his own thoughts and dreams in Ennis, imagining things he wanted to see that were not really there. Surely it was too much to hope that the man that Jack was spending more and more time daydreaming about could feel the same about him. Jack didnt know much about national averages but how unlikely was it that 2 boys in a group of 10 would prefer boys to girls? Jack was quite good at maths and this didnt really add up. He ended up convincing himself it was nothing and he was mis-reading everything. Ennis was just his friend, and that 'just' was pretty fantastic, and he decided not to ruin in by harborouing extra thoughts. The other possibility was too intoxicatingly terrifying for his own sanity and he could not dwell on it anymore without exploding. Every time he did his stomach went like the jelly he'd made one day for dessert.
Several times during the week though something happened that tested his resolve all over again. Things with Ennis had been as they were during the first week, not seeing much of him during the day, pleasant talking in the evening. He never saw Ennis when he was swimming, and Ennis had stopped collecting lunch during the morning, he now took extra breakfast with him when he first got up. Ennis seemed really tired so sometimes they barely talked, but just the smile or a nod were all Jack needed to make that single moment the highlight of his day and to send Jack to sleep a happy man. On wednesday he came back to the tent after lunch and found that someone, who could only be Ennis, had left a Book of Mammals on his sleeping bag, open on the page describing sea otters. Jack read the page, and admired the photo. He thought they were cute, wasnt sure he'd use the word Beautiful. He dipped into the book at other places, trying to memorise little facts he could then throw into a conversation to impress Ennis, or thinking of endless questions he could ask Ennis so he could lose himself in that voice.
On thursday he was hanging out in the kitchen after lunch and the ladies were asking about girlfriends. They did not believe him when he said he'd never had one and that none of the girls here impressed him much. Thankfully they did not harbour the idea it might not be girls he was intereted in, which was good as Jack was not a comfortable liar. They delighted each other by talking about him having a thing for older women. Jack was finding it increasingly hard not to mention Ennis too much in their presence. Many times during a day he'd want to say "Ennis told me......" or "Ennis says.." or he'd think: wait till I tell Ennis, or Ennis would want to know that. He really liked the way Ennis' name sounded and he'd softly whisper to himself Ennis, En-nis, Ennnnis, Ennisssss, trying different ways of saying it and pronouncing it. He thoght his own name with it's spiky K sound seemed short and sharp, but the name Ennis just rolled of the tongue, and seemed soft and soothing, like the man' himself.
His thoughts wandering yet again, Jack picked up a garbage bag and backed out the door, the ladies still teasing him as he went. Out in the yard he was met with the glorious vision of Ennis himself. A one off magic trick of perfection, Jack belived he had conjured Enis out of thin air just by thinking about him. Beacuse not only was Ennis there, in the yard, he was there without his shirt. It was tied round his waist, and Ennis was hot and sweating, and his chest was covered in mud streaks and what looked like blood. Jack could not avert his gaze. The garbage bag twisted out of his grasp, his palms immediately starting to sweat. Ennis' chest was firm and muscular and about the smoothest perfectest thing Jack had ever seen. He had seen a few torsos during gym at school but none were as finely tuned as what was now infront of him. Jack had never understood the term 'six-pack' but now it seemed he was staring at the dictionary definition. He could see beads of sweat trickling down Ennis tanned chest and when he relasised he was following thier path he snapped his head up and focused on Ennis' face. Ennis started talking urgently asking for things and Jack was too dazed to hear him properly. Cassie appeared and the spell was broken. Seemed like there was trouble with a calving and they needed warm water, and also milk and babies bottles: this one was going to need looking after. Jack was awestruck by how calm and confident and professional Ennis sounded, like he had been doing this forever and it was nothing out of the ordinary. Jack wanted to ask if he could come along and watch, the thought of seeing a cow being born almost as exciting as following half-naked Ennis to wherever he spent his days. But Jack stayed silent, despite Ennis' calm tone, this sounded like a bit of an emergency and Jack did not want to spoil things and get in the way.
Jack was giddy for the rest of the day, and he actually felt sick with nerves waiting for Ennis to return. He evetually did really late, looking totally beat and just muttered, "lost the cow, calf's doing ok" before collapsing on his sleeping bag and going straight to sleep. It took Jack much much longer to get to sleep, the sick feeling of anticipation, of waiting for Ennis to appear and speak taking an age to leave him. Jack decided then that he thought he might just be in love with Ennis, this was so much more than a simple crush. He was hanging on Ennis' every word, he was living for every moment with Ennis, and all the time he was just waiting for their next interaction, a mass of hormones, nerves, excitement, anticipation and fear. It was never enough.
He dreamt about Ennis that night. It was just a simple dream, the 2 of them swimming to a desert island but Jack not wanting to rest on the beach, just keep swimming, on and on with Ennis by his side. He woke in the morning to find he had made a mess in his pyjamas. When he first realised what had happened he was momentarily paralysed with fear as he recalled the punishment that used to follow when his mother checked his sheets every morning for "sinful nightime activity" and found something she didnt like. He now knew that this at least, unlike the bed wetting that used to happen, was normal for a kid his age and he though that today would probably be a good day to check out the site's washing facilities. Accepting what had happened made him think on ways in which perhaps he could make himself feel better about things. He was no expert in self administration as for years and years he had never dared to beacuse the punishment was too bad. Even when at school away from them he had still not wanted to help himself because he just got the feeling his mum or dad would be able to tell, as they had done when he'd first discovered that part of growing up. So years of going without had conditioned him that he didnt need to as often as everyone else (judging by some of the lockeroom conversations he overheard or eventually got involved in now it was 'safe). He found he didnt often have the need to make up for lost time, but this morning he thought 'in for a penny, in for a pound' and reached into his pyjama bottoms. It didnt take long, the dream was still lingering within touching distance, plus he was scared someone would hear, so he rushed and just held the image of Ennis from yesterday in his head. He whispered the name that was burning inside him and held the s as he doubled his need to do laundry.
The rest of the day passed as normal, Jack a bit embarassed when he first laid eyes on Ennis that evening, but his pyjamas were clean and drying, along with his other clothes. He'd wanted to wash Ennis' clothes as well, thought it would be a nice thing to do, but didnt want to touch without permission. Ennis surprised him that evening by suggesting a game of basketball. Others joined in, and they all kept going till late in the night, the floodlights giving the court a kind of spooky atmosphere. Even when everyone else drifted off Ennis seemed to want to keep going, and Jack was going to stay as long as Ennis did even though he was getting more and more tired. He had no idea where Ennis got the stamina from, but he seemed guided by some unknown resolve. Finally when neither of them were making any hoops Ennis said "Enough". Jack went to shower, Ennis just went straight to the tent. When Jack had got into his sleeping bag, Ennis muttered 'Good Night' across the darkness.
Jack replied, "I'm exhausted, should sleep well tonight".
"Hope so," Ennis whispered. Only then did Jack realise it was Friday night and he wondered if Ennis had planned this on purpose, to tire him out and reduce the risk of a repeat of last friday's nightmares. Jack knew this was a question he'd never ask, that Ennis would never answer, and with the implications of that swirling in his head Jack fell into a deep, unbroken sleep.