A Place To Hide - Part 16
Title: A Place To Hide
Pairing: Emily/Naomi, Emily/Effy
Rating: Quite a bit of swearing, 'F' and 'C' words so probably R.
Word Count: 2,001
Disclaimer: I don't any of Skins or any of the characters, although i do wish Lily Loveless was mine ;-)
Summary: As i've already mentioned i have decided to take this story into the realms of fiction, as such you can all stop thinking that my life is so interesting lol. But seriously thanks so much if you're still following this, and if you haven't read any of it before then you definitely should because readers and comments make me happy :)
Emily had left Naomi’s house moments after they’d fucked, what else could you call that but fucking, coz it sure as hell wasn’t like what they normally did. The very thought of it made her want to cry, made her want to scream until it all became ok again. But instead she had left the house and began walking in silence, not looking up from where her feet hit the pavement. Step after agonising step she made her way to the only place that she felt truly welcome now.
The door had been open when she’d got to Effy’s and she’d walked in without hesitating. There wasn’t a light on in the whole house, and had it been anyone but Effy she would have worried that they’d been burgled. But, god, Effy was just so like that, she was exactly the kind of girl to sit in a dark house smoking or something and not even think that it might be a bit weird. So she made her way up the stairs, and the closer she got to the bedroom the more she felt a lump rise in her throat and tears prick the corners of her eyes.
The very closeness of Effy when she was stood outside her room, made the redhead want to just break down in sobs, because Effy would absolutely let her. She wouldn’t judge her for it, wouldn’t tell her to pull herself together - yet again she realised that Effy was exactly what she needed. As she knocked on the door and heard the hurt and anger in Effy’s reply (“Fuck off mum, I haven’t got any of your fucking booze”) she began to think that maybe it wasn’t that Effy was what she needed in that moment, or earlier on the park bench, it was that maybe Effy would always be what she needed.
That was when she felt a sob escape from her lips, and heard Effy’s footsteps approaching the door. The minute that the brunette pulled the door open, ready to have a go at the woman she thought would be on the other side, and blue eyes met brown, Emily couldn’t keep all the hurt inside anymore.
“Ef...” she croaked, before it just all got to be too much and Effy pulled her into the bedroom and just held her. Her world closed down so that all she could hear was Effy’s shushing noises and all she could feel was the thin body on hers. The feeling of Effy’s bare skin on her own was enough to calm her down, enough so that the sobbing subsided until she was just gently weeping. Then Effy stood up and grabbed a big t-shirt that Emily thought surely wasn’t her own, and that was when the redhead realised that the other girl was only wearing her underwear. The fact sent a shiver through her and before she knew it she was crying all over again.
Effy did the only thing she really knew how, she found a pack of fags and, sitting down next to Emily, lit one for each of them. No booze tonight, no sex either she thought. It wasn’t what Emily needed, and she got the feeling it wasn’t what she was there for either.
“Thanks,” Emily whispered, her voice cracking a little, as she took the cigarette from the girl next to her. “I don’t know why I came here, you probably don’t want some sobbing girl sat on your bed, but I just... I needed you.” She said with a sniffle, looking up at Effy with watery eyes.
“It’s ok. We’re friends now remember.” Effy replied with a small laugh, remembering the last time she’d asked if they were friends. She’d give anything to be like that with Emily again, to hold her close while they were both still sticky and out of breath from shagging. “I’m glad you came.” She added quietly, finding that Emily had yet again worn away just a little more of her defences.
Emily turned to look at the girl sat next to her, seeing her as if for the first time, seeing the vulnerability and need that she hid just beneath the surface. Effy looked up and met her eyes, and in that moment with so many unsaid feelings passing between them Emily had a flashing thought that maybe, just maybe all this stuff with Naomi, all this hurt and longing had been to bring her here. That it had all been to bring her to this moment with Effy, could it all be that neat and simple?
And, with that weirdly distorted thought she leant in and pressed her lips to the other girl’s in a chaste kiss. It was a kiss that didn’t suggest at the promise of sex, it was just a kiss for kissing’s sake and fuck, if it wasn’t the best kiss Effy had ever had. She leant in to deepen it, not wanting to rush the redhead but at the same time not able to hold back, and both girls felt, at least in that moment, that this was it, this was what was meant to happen.
The minute they broke apart the confusion set in again, EffyNaomiEffyNaomiEffyNaomi her mind screamed at her to make a choice but her heart was lost. Her heart couldn’t choose, because to make a choice would be to lose the amazing way she felt when she was with one of the girls. To make a choice would be to end it with one of them. ‘What is there left to end with Naomi?’ she thought, ‘Is there even a choice left to make?’ With that she’d made up her mind, for tonight Naomi didn’t exist, tonight was Effy.
The two girls kissed until their lips were bruised and they knew each other’s mouths better than they ever thought they could, they kissed until they were both so turned on and on edge that they knew it wouldn’t have taken long had they decided to shag. But it was a mutual and unspoken decision, tonight wasn’t gonna be about sex. Every time Effy felt the other girls tongue slip into her own mouth she had to suppress a shiver, every time skin met skin she felt something inside of her jolt with the fucking anticipation of it all.
Eventually Emily fell asleep in Effy’s arms, and as her breathing slowed Effy felt something tearing at her throat, felt something inside her chest break up a little. She screwed up her eyes and shook her head. She couldn’t keep doing this, couldn’t keep comforting Emily when she was broken and then just letting her run back to that Naomi girl. She didn’t think she could stand it anymore, couldn’t stand the way that Emily was tearing her apart without even realising it and that worst of all Effy was letting her. She was letting someone hurt her like she’d sworn she’d never do again, trouble was it had become something stronger than just want, it had become need. She needed Emily and, it seemed, Emily needed her.
It wasn’t love, she told herself, couldn’t be. Must be need, had to be need, couldn’t possibly be anything more coz that would just be too fucked up, wouldn’t it. But then again nothing was too fucked up when it came to Effy Stonem.
The next morning Effy woke up with a weight pressing down on her hips and when she opened her eyes it was with a look of complete and undisguised confusion. Emily had to laugh that the only way to throw Effy Stonem off was to straddle her while she was asleep.
“Hey,” she whispered to the girl underneath her, “How you doing?”
“I’m... good. Can I ask why you’re on top of me?” Effy asked, her fists balled at her sides as she tried not to give into the temptation to brush them up Emily’s thighs.
“Oh, right,” Emily said with a slight blush, “well I thought we needed to talk about stuff, so I decided to wake you up. Perhaps I could have gone for a more conventional tactic like shouting or shaking you... but this seemed like more fun.”
“Ok,” Effy said slowly, attempting to digest the utter randomness of it all.
“Right, so I’ll talk first shall I?” Emily asked before pushing up off Effy and starting to pace the room. This was going to be harder than she’d hoped, that much was obvious from the blank and stubborn look on the other girls face. “I like you and you like me so -”
Effy interrupted her with a bitter laugh. “Sorry,” she whispered, seeing the look on the redhead’s face.
“What Ef? I just... I’m having trouble dealing with all this so I thought I’d start off with the basics. But if you’re going to fucking laugh at me then why don’t you talk first.” Effy had never really been on the receiving end of Emily anger, she doubted many people had, and it made her want to take back her laugh, to be humble and apologetic so that Emily would carry on talking.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be... Please, talk.”
“Right, well... why did you both have to come along at once?” she blurted out, not even meaning to say it, but it had been going round in her head for so long that she just had to verbalise it.
“Sorry,” Effy said, staring at her own hands, and she meant it, “I wish this could be easier for all of us. Fuck... I’m no good Ems.”
“What’s that meant to mean? You like, warning me off or something?” Emily felt herself getting angry again.
“No, that’s not... shit. I told you, I’m no good. Not at any of this.” They both just stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Effy said the hardest and most painful thing she’d ever said, “Do you love her?”
“Do I... fuck, yeah I think I do.” She’d wanted to passionately deny it, to kiss Effy and tell her that it was just her, just them. But she couldn’t lie, not to Ef, she just didn’t have it in her.
“Then we don’t need to talk. You already know what you should be doing, talk to her.” Every word killed her, each syllable tore her apart, but the truth was what it was. She couldn’t change anything, she could only watch like she always did, watch her world fall apart yet again.
“But Ef... I... I want you, I need you... god, I love you.”
“But you’re not in love with me like you are with her. You love me because I’m here for you when you need me, like a good friend should be. And if things ever end on a more permanent basis for the two of you, then I’ll be here for you then. But now, well now you need to save your relationship, whatever she’s done or you’ve done, you have to make it work. You have to go now.” Effy just stared at the redhead for a few moments as she didn’t move, didn’t speak. Eventually, not able to stand the confusion and hurt in Emily’s eyes for another second she said again: “You have to go now.”
Then Emily was gone, quicker than Effy though possible, and all she could do was stay in bed, not having moved since she’d woken. She said more in the last few minutes than she had in weeks and every word had broken her a little bit more, it made her never want to speak again. Maybe now there was finally something for people to fix, maybe Emily had finally finished what had been started years before - she’d broken Effy. She’d balanced on the edge for a while back there, but now Emily had given her that final push and she’d smashed into a thousand pieces on the rocks of her already crumbling life.
Part 17
-----
I'm not sure about this one, i was finding it really difficult to write so let me know what you think :)
Pairing: Emily/Naomi, Emily/Effy
Rating: Quite a bit of swearing, 'F' and 'C' words so probably R.
Word Count: 2,001
Disclaimer: I don't any of Skins or any of the characters, although i do wish Lily Loveless was mine ;-)
Summary: As i've already mentioned i have decided to take this story into the realms of fiction, as such you can all stop thinking that my life is so interesting lol. But seriously thanks so much if you're still following this, and if you haven't read any of it before then you definitely should because readers and comments make me happy :)
Emily had left Naomi’s house moments after they’d fucked, what else could you call that but fucking, coz it sure as hell wasn’t like what they normally did. The very thought of it made her want to cry, made her want to scream until it all became ok again. But instead she had left the house and began walking in silence, not looking up from where her feet hit the pavement. Step after agonising step she made her way to the only place that she felt truly welcome now.
The door had been open when she’d got to Effy’s and she’d walked in without hesitating. There wasn’t a light on in the whole house, and had it been anyone but Effy she would have worried that they’d been burgled. But, god, Effy was just so like that, she was exactly the kind of girl to sit in a dark house smoking or something and not even think that it might be a bit weird. So she made her way up the stairs, and the closer she got to the bedroom the more she felt a lump rise in her throat and tears prick the corners of her eyes.
The very closeness of Effy when she was stood outside her room, made the redhead want to just break down in sobs, because Effy would absolutely let her. She wouldn’t judge her for it, wouldn’t tell her to pull herself together - yet again she realised that Effy was exactly what she needed. As she knocked on the door and heard the hurt and anger in Effy’s reply (“Fuck off mum, I haven’t got any of your fucking booze”) she began to think that maybe it wasn’t that Effy was what she needed in that moment, or earlier on the park bench, it was that maybe Effy would always be what she needed.
That was when she felt a sob escape from her lips, and heard Effy’s footsteps approaching the door. The minute that the brunette pulled the door open, ready to have a go at the woman she thought would be on the other side, and blue eyes met brown, Emily couldn’t keep all the hurt inside anymore.
“Ef...” she croaked, before it just all got to be too much and Effy pulled her into the bedroom and just held her. Her world closed down so that all she could hear was Effy’s shushing noises and all she could feel was the thin body on hers. The feeling of Effy’s bare skin on her own was enough to calm her down, enough so that the sobbing subsided until she was just gently weeping. Then Effy stood up and grabbed a big t-shirt that Emily thought surely wasn’t her own, and that was when the redhead realised that the other girl was only wearing her underwear. The fact sent a shiver through her and before she knew it she was crying all over again.
Effy did the only thing she really knew how, she found a pack of fags and, sitting down next to Emily, lit one for each of them. No booze tonight, no sex either she thought. It wasn’t what Emily needed, and she got the feeling it wasn’t what she was there for either.
“Thanks,” Emily whispered, her voice cracking a little, as she took the cigarette from the girl next to her. “I don’t know why I came here, you probably don’t want some sobbing girl sat on your bed, but I just... I needed you.” She said with a sniffle, looking up at Effy with watery eyes.
“It’s ok. We’re friends now remember.” Effy replied with a small laugh, remembering the last time she’d asked if they were friends. She’d give anything to be like that with Emily again, to hold her close while they were both still sticky and out of breath from shagging. “I’m glad you came.” She added quietly, finding that Emily had yet again worn away just a little more of her defences.
Emily turned to look at the girl sat next to her, seeing her as if for the first time, seeing the vulnerability and need that she hid just beneath the surface. Effy looked up and met her eyes, and in that moment with so many unsaid feelings passing between them Emily had a flashing thought that maybe, just maybe all this stuff with Naomi, all this hurt and longing had been to bring her here. That it had all been to bring her to this moment with Effy, could it all be that neat and simple?
And, with that weirdly distorted thought she leant in and pressed her lips to the other girl’s in a chaste kiss. It was a kiss that didn’t suggest at the promise of sex, it was just a kiss for kissing’s sake and fuck, if it wasn’t the best kiss Effy had ever had. She leant in to deepen it, not wanting to rush the redhead but at the same time not able to hold back, and both girls felt, at least in that moment, that this was it, this was what was meant to happen.
The minute they broke apart the confusion set in again, EffyNaomiEffyNaomiEffyNaomi her mind screamed at her to make a choice but her heart was lost. Her heart couldn’t choose, because to make a choice would be to lose the amazing way she felt when she was with one of the girls. To make a choice would be to end it with one of them. ‘What is there left to end with Naomi?’ she thought, ‘Is there even a choice left to make?’ With that she’d made up her mind, for tonight Naomi didn’t exist, tonight was Effy.
The two girls kissed until their lips were bruised and they knew each other’s mouths better than they ever thought they could, they kissed until they were both so turned on and on edge that they knew it wouldn’t have taken long had they decided to shag. But it was a mutual and unspoken decision, tonight wasn’t gonna be about sex. Every time Effy felt the other girls tongue slip into her own mouth she had to suppress a shiver, every time skin met skin she felt something inside of her jolt with the fucking anticipation of it all.
Eventually Emily fell asleep in Effy’s arms, and as her breathing slowed Effy felt something tearing at her throat, felt something inside her chest break up a little. She screwed up her eyes and shook her head. She couldn’t keep doing this, couldn’t keep comforting Emily when she was broken and then just letting her run back to that Naomi girl. She didn’t think she could stand it anymore, couldn’t stand the way that Emily was tearing her apart without even realising it and that worst of all Effy was letting her. She was letting someone hurt her like she’d sworn she’d never do again, trouble was it had become something stronger than just want, it had become need. She needed Emily and, it seemed, Emily needed her.
It wasn’t love, she told herself, couldn’t be. Must be need, had to be need, couldn’t possibly be anything more coz that would just be too fucked up, wouldn’t it. But then again nothing was too fucked up when it came to Effy Stonem.
The next morning Effy woke up with a weight pressing down on her hips and when she opened her eyes it was with a look of complete and undisguised confusion. Emily had to laugh that the only way to throw Effy Stonem off was to straddle her while she was asleep.
“Hey,” she whispered to the girl underneath her, “How you doing?”
“I’m... good. Can I ask why you’re on top of me?” Effy asked, her fists balled at her sides as she tried not to give into the temptation to brush them up Emily’s thighs.
“Oh, right,” Emily said with a slight blush, “well I thought we needed to talk about stuff, so I decided to wake you up. Perhaps I could have gone for a more conventional tactic like shouting or shaking you... but this seemed like more fun.”
“Ok,” Effy said slowly, attempting to digest the utter randomness of it all.
“Right, so I’ll talk first shall I?” Emily asked before pushing up off Effy and starting to pace the room. This was going to be harder than she’d hoped, that much was obvious from the blank and stubborn look on the other girls face. “I like you and you like me so -”
Effy interrupted her with a bitter laugh. “Sorry,” she whispered, seeing the look on the redhead’s face.
“What Ef? I just... I’m having trouble dealing with all this so I thought I’d start off with the basics. But if you’re going to fucking laugh at me then why don’t you talk first.” Effy had never really been on the receiving end of Emily anger, she doubted many people had, and it made her want to take back her laugh, to be humble and apologetic so that Emily would carry on talking.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be... Please, talk.”
“Right, well... why did you both have to come along at once?” she blurted out, not even meaning to say it, but it had been going round in her head for so long that she just had to verbalise it.
“Sorry,” Effy said, staring at her own hands, and she meant it, “I wish this could be easier for all of us. Fuck... I’m no good Ems.”
“What’s that meant to mean? You like, warning me off or something?” Emily felt herself getting angry again.
“No, that’s not... shit. I told you, I’m no good. Not at any of this.” They both just stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Effy said the hardest and most painful thing she’d ever said, “Do you love her?”
“Do I... fuck, yeah I think I do.” She’d wanted to passionately deny it, to kiss Effy and tell her that it was just her, just them. But she couldn’t lie, not to Ef, she just didn’t have it in her.
“Then we don’t need to talk. You already know what you should be doing, talk to her.” Every word killed her, each syllable tore her apart, but the truth was what it was. She couldn’t change anything, she could only watch like she always did, watch her world fall apart yet again.
“But Ef... I... I want you, I need you... god, I love you.”
“But you’re not in love with me like you are with her. You love me because I’m here for you when you need me, like a good friend should be. And if things ever end on a more permanent basis for the two of you, then I’ll be here for you then. But now, well now you need to save your relationship, whatever she’s done or you’ve done, you have to make it work. You have to go now.” Effy just stared at the redhead for a few moments as she didn’t move, didn’t speak. Eventually, not able to stand the confusion and hurt in Emily’s eyes for another second she said again: “You have to go now.”
Then Emily was gone, quicker than Effy though possible, and all she could do was stay in bed, not having moved since she’d woken. She said more in the last few minutes than she had in weeks and every word had broken her a little bit more, it made her never want to speak again. Maybe now there was finally something for people to fix, maybe Emily had finally finished what had been started years before - she’d broken Effy. She’d balanced on the edge for a while back there, but now Emily had given her that final push and she’d smashed into a thousand pieces on the rocks of her already crumbling life.
Part 17
-----
I'm not sure about this one, i was finding it really difficult to write so let me know what you think :)