I'm the fly in your soup, I'm the pebble in your shoe
Walter Peck glanced through the papers on his desk one more time, just to be on the safe side. All right, the G-45s were filled out. The receipts for the past week were accounted for. He'd made serious headway on the unaccounted technology cluster centering on northern Wisconsin.... yes, yes, he was ahead of himself; he had time for a little fun.
He picked up the phone. "Katherine? Get me the hardline, please..."
The phone rang sixteen times. That was all right. He could wait-
"Hello, Peck," said an infinitely exasperated voice on the other end.
Peck's smile broadened into a full-force grin. "Why, hello, Dr. Stantz!" he exclaimed. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head. "How are you doing? I was beginning to worry!"
"I was busy, you warthog-faced buffoon. Some of us have more to do with our time than sit around making prank calls."
God, it was so hard not to snicker. "Prank calls? My goodness, Dr. Stantz, whatever do you mean? I'm just checking up on your welfare."
"I'm fine, no thanks to you. You're just lucky the rack's almost done."
"Rack?" repeated Peck, puzzled. "Should I ask?"
"Yeah, the drying rack. For the elk."
That... didn't quite sound right. Peck frowned. "What elk?"
"The dead one. Don't tell me you didn't know about that."
"Contrary to popular belief, Dr. Stantz, I do have more to do with my time than appropriate surveillance satellites to keep an eye on your little patch of heaven twenty-four hours a day." That smarted to admit, but he really couldn't get that kind of air time no matter how much he tried. "Where did you get an elk?"
"Well, you guys put the latrine too close to the water supply, so I made myself a shovel and went to dig another one out of contamination range-"
Peck thought for a bit; all right, there were a few things in the cabin that could've been broken up to form shovel blades. Awkward work, true, but it could be done.
"-next thing I know there's a stampede going on-"
"Now you've got me wishing I did have satellite time to spare," Peck mused.
"Yeah, well, you would've been bored. It's not like I got trampled or anything. One of them veered to miss me, put a foot wrong, and broke her neck when she hit the pit at full speed." The Ghostbuster sounded mightily annoyed. "Now I have to get three hundred pounds of meat off the bone and dried before it all goes bad."
The smile returned to Peck's face. "I have full confidence in your ingenuity, Dr. Stantz. Especially with the reference material we left you-"
"The 'reference material' is all six volumes of Jean freaking Auel, you schmuck!" Stantz snapped back. "How am I supposed to find the flint-knapping parts when every twenty pages I keep hitting caveman porn?"
Peck laughed and laughed and laughed until his sides were sore.
He picked up the phone. "Katherine? Get me the hardline, please..."
The phone rang sixteen times. That was all right. He could wait-
"Hello, Peck," said an infinitely exasperated voice on the other end.
Peck's smile broadened into a full-force grin. "Why, hello, Dr. Stantz!" he exclaimed. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head. "How are you doing? I was beginning to worry!"
"I was busy, you warthog-faced buffoon. Some of us have more to do with our time than sit around making prank calls."
God, it was so hard not to snicker. "Prank calls? My goodness, Dr. Stantz, whatever do you mean? I'm just checking up on your welfare."
"I'm fine, no thanks to you. You're just lucky the rack's almost done."
"Rack?" repeated Peck, puzzled. "Should I ask?"
"Yeah, the drying rack. For the elk."
That... didn't quite sound right. Peck frowned. "What elk?"
"The dead one. Don't tell me you didn't know about that."
"Contrary to popular belief, Dr. Stantz, I do have more to do with my time than appropriate surveillance satellites to keep an eye on your little patch of heaven twenty-four hours a day." That smarted to admit, but he really couldn't get that kind of air time no matter how much he tried. "Where did you get an elk?"
"Well, you guys put the latrine too close to the water supply, so I made myself a shovel and went to dig another one out of contamination range-"
Peck thought for a bit; all right, there were a few things in the cabin that could've been broken up to form shovel blades. Awkward work, true, but it could be done.
"-next thing I know there's a stampede going on-"
"Now you've got me wishing I did have satellite time to spare," Peck mused.
"Yeah, well, you would've been bored. It's not like I got trampled or anything. One of them veered to miss me, put a foot wrong, and broke her neck when she hit the pit at full speed." The Ghostbuster sounded mightily annoyed. "Now I have to get three hundred pounds of meat off the bone and dried before it all goes bad."
The smile returned to Peck's face. "I have full confidence in your ingenuity, Dr. Stantz. Especially with the reference material we left you-"
"The 'reference material' is all six volumes of Jean freaking Auel, you schmuck!" Stantz snapped back. "How am I supposed to find the flint-knapping parts when every twenty pages I keep hitting caveman porn?"
Peck laughed and laughed and laughed until his sides were sore.