To Ineffability and Beyond, Chapter 2
Chapter 1: http://go-exchange.livejournal.com/198741.html
Chapter 2
Crowley and Aziraphale eventually learned that they were in the tail-end of passengers boarding the ship. They were scheduled to depart one week after the angel and demon’s arrival, but they had to wait until everyone was on board first.
A week came and went. No word of departure. A second week. They eventually learned that the delay was the result of waiting for one single passenger.
“Three guesses as to who that is,” said Crowley. “Maybe if we can convince the crew to take off without her, we’ll avoid the situation altogether.”
“They calculated everything precisely, Crowley,” said Aziraphale. “Maybe they don’t want to throw everything off this early?”
“They’ve already thrown it off by moving the takeoff date! I’ve had enough of this. I’m going to snoop around.”
With those words, Crowley left the room. Aziraphale listened to his shoes clacking on the metal grate for a few moments before huffing and picking himself up to follow.
The infinite hallway was just barely big enough for the two of them to walk side-by-side. “And what exactly do you propose to do?” Aziraphale whispered to him harshly.
“Well, we’re already in the third circle,” said Crowley. “All we need to do is figure out how to go one up and we’ll be in the restricted sections. That’s where all the fun is bound to be.”
The two of them had been doing nothing but watching movies on the vidscreen in their room, reading, and walking back and forth to the third circle’s cafeteria for the past two weeks, and Aziraphale suspected that Crowley just wanted an excuse to goof off exploring the ship. “We’re not allowed.”
“You’re not allowed. I’m a demon, so I’m supposed to do things that aren’t allowed. If you don’t want to, you can go back to the cabin.”
“If I let you run around unsupervised, I’m sure you’ll get into dreadful trouble.”
“That’s the point.” Crowley stopped, looking up. “There, you see? A maintenance tunnel.”
Aziraphale followed his upturned gaze to a hatch, barely visible as it was pressed into the ceiling. “It’s locked.”
Crowley twisted his hand, and four bolts fell out. “No it isn’t.”
“Crowley, this isn’t a good idea.”
“Nonsense! This is a great idea. Give me a boost.”
Aziraphale eventually let himself be talked into letting Crowley sit on his shoulders so he could shift the metal pane aside and haul himself up into the ceiling. The demon turned around in the narrow space and held his hand out.
“I’m not going up there,” sniffed Aziraphale. “I’m sure something awful will happen.”
“Suit yourself,” said Crowley, shrugging. “I guess I’ll just go off by myself then.”
“Oh no you don’t. Help me up.”
The space in the ceiling was just big enough for one person to crawl through, and it was filled with pipes and storage tanks and electronic equipment. Aziraphale had a good view of Crowley’s posterior as he crawled ahead.
“How did it manage to get dusty up here already?” said Crowley. “The bloody ship isn’t that old.”
He crawled until he reached a solid wall of computers, at which point he felt around until he found a gap to climb over them.
“There’s a ladder back here,” he said. “Come up, this must go up to the next layer.”
It was almost too dark to see; Crowley was a dim shape moving above him. They demon must have been able to see, though, with those reflective eyes of his. Aziraphale mostly went by the feel of the metal rungs in his hands, grateful that he was not the one leading. He sighed with exasperation when the ladder ended and Crowley started into another crawlspace, sure that they would get lost at this rate.
Light began to filter down through a grate above them. Crowley flipped over on his back and pushed the grate out with all four limbs.
“Crowley!”
The demon disappeared into the brightness above them. Aziraphale dragged himself up and out to follow, only to find himself in a hallway that looked identical to the one on their floor.
“Hah,” said Crowley quietly as Aziraphale slid the grate back into place. “They make the crew live separately from the other passengers at an even lower gravity level.”
“Crowley, we’re going to get caught if we stay here,” Aziraphale whispered.
“S’pose you’re right,” said Crowley. “I’d hate to see what Maria will throw out the airlock next. Come on.”
He strolled over and found another panel in the ceiling, which he promptly miracled open. He did not need a boost this time; a single jump carried him far enough up to get his upper body into the roof.
Aziraphale finally gave into the temptation from seeing Crowley’s posterior in front of him this whole time and slapped his arse before the demon could get it up out of reach. Crowley suppressed a squeal of surprise and made room for Aziraphale. The angel likewise leapt and took Crowley’s hand to pull him up.
“You’re getting awfully handsy, aren’t you?” said Crowley as Aziraphale replaced the panel beneath them. Aziraphale looked into his eyes, glowing in the semidarkness, and shrugged innocently.
“Me? I’m just an angel, my dear. No impure thoughts here.”
“…I’m sure.”
They crawled forwards again, through the same layout of pipes and tanks and electronics, except feeling lighter this time. They came to a similar ladder and climbed up again in near darkness.
Crowley stopped. “What is it?” said Aziraphale.
“I see something.”
“Me too,” said Aziraphale, reaching up and pinching Crowley’s bottom.
“This is harassment,” said Crowley.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. If you’re not careful I might have to start fighting back.”
“Mm, I’m sure you would.”
“I really do see something, though.” Crowley twisted and leapt off the ladder, the reduced gravity making him soar through the air off into the distance. Aziraphale hesitantly followed, not having quite as much faith in his leaping abilities.
When he landed next to Crowley, the demon had already taken his screen out of his pocket, collapsed it into its cylindrical shape, and activated its flashlight function. He shined it around, the light illuminating dust motes on its way to hulking, looming shapes in the darkness, behemoths of glass and metal and plastic.
Crowley whistled. “What’s all this?”
“The robotics, I’d imagine,” said Aziraphale. “The colony is mostly going to be built with machines.”
Crowley started walking among the machines. The stillness of the air combined with the way the robots looked like animals crouching to pounce made a spooky atmosphere. He looked up at the tallest one, a drill, the tip soaring off so high his light dissipated into darkness before it could reach the top.
“Humans sure are amazing,” he said.
Crowley saw the hand coming before it could grope him, and he kept one hand on his flashlight and clamped the other on Aziraphale’s arm before it made contact.
“You think you’re naughty, huh?”
“Maybe a little,” said the angel, feeling silly.
Crowley smiled, leaning in towards him, brushing his nose against the angel’s cheek, as though for a kiss…
The sound of his hand smacking Aziraphale’s arse, and the subsequent yelp of surprise, resonated loudly in the empty space.
“Come on,” said Crowley.
They left the mechanical menagerie behind and found a door. It was extremely thick and sturdy and locked, but it was summarily unlocked especially for them. They found yet another ladder and climbed up in near darkness.
A faint light began to appear in their vision as they neared the top. Crowley reached the end of the rungs and disappeared up over the lip of some faintly-lit ridge.
“Crowley?” said Aziraphale. He pulled himself up to follow.
Crowley was there, waiting with his face exactly where he knew Aziraphale’s would appear, planting a kiss on him. Aziraphale nearly fell off the ladder in surprise, but managed to hold on.
Crowley broke the kiss and pulled away, smiling. “Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.”
The demon turned and sat cross-legged on the floor; Aziraphale slid up next to him and followed his gaze.
A huge open space soared in front of them, a hollow cylinder filled with bundles of very thick cables, and Aziraphale realized they must be looking at the inside of one of the spokes radiating from the center of the wheel of the ship. A blue glow radiated from the top, shifting about vaguely like a lava lamp.
“Impressive, isn’t it?” said Crowley.
Aziraphale reached one arm out and leaned Crowley onto his shoulder. “I think so.”
Aziraphale’s hand rubbed his back, then sunk lower.
“Hey!” Crowley laughed. “You-!”
“Me what?”
“You!” Crowley pushed him away, walking over to the chasm.
“Crowley, why don’t we go back to our room? We could…hm?”
Crowley was examining the cords stretching off into infinity in either direction; they were moving so fast and so quietly that the movement was almost imperceptible.
“Crowley, don’t.”
“We must be down to less than half a G, don’t you think, angel? This feels about the same as it was on Mars. We must be getting closer to the center of the ship.”
“Crowley, whatever you’re thinking of doing, don’t-”
But it was too late; Crowley had already given one amplified leap off the precipice. He caught onto the cords, and with a flash his body disappeared out of sight almost immediately.
“Crowley!” Aziraphale rushed over the edge and looked down, then up. He could see Crowley zooming upwards at an alarming speed. “Ooh, that insufferable demon.” The angel looked at the cords, trying to decide how he could go about it without hurting his hands, then deciding he’d have to live with it and heal himself afterwards. He threw himself off and grabbed a cord.
He had to cheat a little to let himself hold on; the wall panels were a blur of motion in his peripheral vision. The blue light was growing closer and more intense, casting strange, angular shadows. The air grew colder.
The place where the cord met some junction of machinery was coming up, and Aziraphale threw himself off, heedless of direction, to avoid smashing into it. Disoriented, he found that his body did not go back down as predicted, but instead continued in a straight line, spinning over and over. “Ah!”
A hand caught his foot and wrenched him, changing his course sharply. He found himself in Crowley’s arms, who was also likewise floating in midair. His cheeks were flushed red with cold, and his laughing made billows in the air. “You know, for someone who’s actually flown under his own power before, you’re not very graceful in the air.”
Crowley must have cheated to dispel some of their momentum; they slowed and stabilized in the air. Aziraphale looked up at the source of the blue light; a great metal box hung suspended above them, and whatever was inside was throwing out unstable light through the slats in the box.
“Is that the engine?” Aziraphale gasped. “Crowley, we shouldn’t be so close to it.”
“Don’t worry, angel, they’ve got in a cage, see? It can’t get to us.”
Aziraphale gave him an unamused look.
“Seriously, though, there’s a barrier between us and it. A clear one, I mean. It’s rock solid. I felt it when I smashed into it. Nothing getting into that thing.”
The two just floated there in each other’s arms. The blue light lit Crowley’s face and highlighted his cheekbones, his animalistic eyes flashing in the electric illumination. The demon leaned in and kissed Aziraphale, hands caressing the angel’s face.
“I’m so glad we’re here together,” said Crowley.
“Likewise,” said Aziraphale, encircling Crowley’s waist with his arms.
The stillness was underscored by the low resonance of the static of the powerful machine in the room, the two supernatural beings drifting in the air, free of prying eyes, Heaven and Hell and Earth, free of even gravity, lost in each other in the darkness and quiet only broken by the electronic light and hum, their only company the pulsing, writhing luminescence.
Crowley lowered himself down, keeping his arms around Aziraphale’s thighs, and undid the angel’s zipper with a thought.
Aziraphale gave an unhinged moan and tangled his fingers in Crowley’s hair. “Oooh… You weren’t lying about….not being able to wait, were you?”
Crowley made the small, wheedling sounds that he always did during this activity, devouring with fervor, his hands raking down Aziraphale. The angel’s legs wrapped around him.
Floodlights suddenly illuminated them from below, and Crowley broke off, his pupils contracting in the sudden light.
A woman in a blue vest with salt-and-pepper hair scowled at them from the floor, floating with one hand on a handle by the door. Aziraphale hastily re-did his pants.
“Come down from there!” said the newcomer, with an angry gesture at the door behind her.
“Er…” Aziraphale looked around, Crowley still locked between his legs, and realized there weren’t any handholds nearby. “We’re sort of stuck!”
The woman gave a disgusted sigh and threw out a rope with a weight attached on the end, which soared in a straight line right at them. The small sphere hit Crowley in the back of the head, which seemed to have been the intended target. The two of them used it to shimmy down, growing redder and more shamefaced as they got nearer to the woman.
Aziraphale steadied himself on the handhold on the opposite side of the door, and Crowley steadied himself on Aziraphale. The woman was flushed with anger and struggled to find words as they waited for whatever was surely coming.
“You know,” she finally said. “At first I thought you two were saboteurs of some kind and then I come down and find this?”
“Er…” said Aziraphale. “Sorry.”
“You would have been sorry if you two dumbasses had messed something up and killed us all. These areas are off-limit for a reason. What do you have to say for yourselves?”
“Er…please don’t tell the higher-ups?” Crowley tried.
The woman snorted. “Hard to get higher than the captain, mate.”
“You’re the captain?”
“Who did you expect? Captain Kirk?”
“Ah.”
“Luckily for the two of you, we’ve already left earth’s orbit and there’s no way to disembark now. You’re stuck onboard, or I’d have you sent back. I ought to throw both of you out the airlock.”
“We’ve left Earth? But I thought we were waiting for our last passenger.”
“Who just got on this morning. We set off the second she was on board.” The captain scrutinized them. “How exactly did the two of you make it this far? There were several layers of locked doors between here and the third circle.”
“Ah.” They both fidgeted. “We ah…one of the staff left their key lying around.”
She extended her hand. “Give it to me.”
They looked around the room, anywhere but her eyes.
“Give it to me.”
Aziraphale reached into his pocket and pulled out a card that had not previously been there. He sincerely hoped it was what the staff keycards looked like, because he couldn’t remember exactly.
Fortunately the captain put the card in her pocket without much scrutiny. “All right. Now let’s go. You’re going back to your suite. And you’re going to stay there. Right?”
“Yes, ma’am,” they both muttered.
“Good.” She went hand-over-hand into the door behind her, where a rung of handholds on the wall ran off into the distance. She used them to propel herself down the hallway, easily rocketing through the shaft with just her arms. The angel and demon followed, shamed into silence.
They followed the hallway until they reached an elevator, which dinged open at their approach. An empty wheelchair hovered in the enclosed space, and the captain, still huffing with indignation, strapped her legs into it. She pounded the controls as soon as Aziraphale and Crowley were inside and the door slid shut.
“Honestly,” she said. “Honestly. You’re both adults. I would have expected this from horny teenagers, not scientists and engineers.”
They both shuffled their feet, which did not have quite the same effect when they were not on the floor.
Gravity began to pull harder on them as the cart moved further and further down. “Did you not think we would see you? We have cameras everywhere.”
Crowley rubbed the back of his head. “Eheh…It was my idea…Sorry about that…”
The wheelchair finally touched the floor with a clatter. The captain glared at him and knocked on the control panel. The doors opened, revealing the walkway to the third circle. She jerked her head, and they scuttled out of the elevator.
She accompanied them all the way to their room, still muttering.
“Well, it was nice meeting you!” said Aziraphale, swiping to open their door.
“Don’t,” said the captain, wheeling herself away.
The mechanical whirr of the wheels on her chair faded into the distance. They both exhaled, came into the room, shut the door, and burst into embarrassed laughter. They collapsed onto the bed together.
“Oh, somebody,” said Crowley. “I thought we were goners.”
“I told you something was going to happen,” said Aziraphale, tweaking the demon’s nose.
Crowley crawled over and buried his face in Aziraphale’s stomach, still laughing. “I didn’t think it would be that, thought.”
“Yes….But what she told us.”
Crowley looked up. “The other demon. She’s onboard.”
Aziraphale looked troubled. “Yes, I suppose she is.”
Crowley rolled over. “Okay, cool. Just the two of us, another demon, and a metal donut full of humans hurdling off into deep space. When I met Adam in the Garden, somehow I never pictured this being a likely scenario for the future.”
“The universe certainly is full of surprises.”
***
“Attention on all decks. This is your captain speaking. I am pleased to announce that as of this morning, the Aphelion is fully boarded, staffed, and ready for its interstellar journey. We will be following the trajectory of the New Frontiers space probe to reach Kepler-442 in approximately 523 years from today. The ship has already left Earth’s orbit and is currently passing Mars and building speed. When the time comes, please follow all directions your VA gives you regarding entering cryosleep. And this is an additional reminder that all decks above the third circle are strictly off-limits to all passengers except those authorized by the Aphelion crew to work in lower than 0.9G. I would like to reiterate that the upper decks contain sensitive equipment that may be damaged if not handled properly and are off-limits. Thank you, and welcome aboard, space explorers.”
Aziraphale and Crowley adopted a routine of sorts. Crowley eventually gave in and went to the greenhouse, coming back with another spider plant in a pot, upon which he scrawled “Nick Jr.” with a black marker. Watering and talking to Nick Jr. was the first item of business of the day, followed by breakfast, brooding, lunch, and more brooding. Dinner was served at 6:30pm, and usually they had enough time left for one last brooding session before bed.
Crowley sat with his arms crossed, staring angrily at his screen, as though if he let it know he was angry enough with it, it would give him answers.
“There’s thousands of people on this ship. There’s no way we can count on running into her on accident.”
“Mm-hmm,” said Aziraphale, sitting on the bed reading a selection from his library of books, and who had not done his fair share of the brooding that day.
Crowley pulled his screen out so that it was fully extended and tapped on it rapidly. “I’ve tried every angle of attack I can think of to hack into the database where everyone’s personal information is stored. But I was never very good at hacking.”
He sounded very sad about it. Perhaps he was thinking of the forty-second James Bond movie, which had taken place entirely inside a computer frame and had also not been scientifically accurate. Trying to miracle the database earlier had not worked and had produced some strange results.
“Yes, dear,” said Aziraphale.
“Aziraphale, this is serious! We might be in real danger if we can’t locate this other demon before we go under.”
“Of course,” said Aziraphale, not looking up.
“You’re not even listening!” Crowley huffed. “You’re useless, as always.”
“Whatever you say, dear.”
The day for cryosleep drew nearer and nearer. One day the captain came over the intercom and announced that they had reached light speed.
“That was when we were going to sleep, wasn’t it?” said Crowley frantically. “When we reached light speed? It’s going to be any day now.”
“Crowley, she hasn’t shown any signs of aggression at all,” said Aziraphale. “Maybe we needn’t worry about her. Maybe she doesn’t even know we’re on board.”
Crowley did not seem convinced and remained glued to his screen even up to the very hour when they heard the first circle had started the process to enter cryosleep.
“Oh,” he said.
Aziraphale had been staring into the cryopods, which had been revealed when a panel in the floor had slid back and were currently filling with a blue liquid of some sort, but now he looked up. “What is it?”
“They’ve...This is different now. They must have shuffled things in the system around in preparation for cryosleep. I can access the personnel files now.”
“What!” said Aziraphale, coming over to lean over his shoulder. “Really? You are good at hacking after all!”
Crowley tapped his screen rapidly. “And….there’s the boarding log…if I can access it… Yes! Now let’s see who was the last person to board.”
“She’s in the first circle,” said Aziraphale, pointing. “Room 467.”
“Let’s go,” said Crowley, folding his screen up.
They both cautiously peeked their heads out the door. A woman in a blue vest was hovering near the door and came over as soon as she saw them.
Crowley groaned. “Hello, Maria.”
“Hello, boys,” she said. “Did you need something? We’re still on schedule for going into cryosleep, so you should stay in your room unless it’s something urgent.”
“Okay, you know what, Maria?” He snapped his fingers. Her face went blank, eyes unfocused.
“Crowley,” whispered Aziraphale harshly.
Crowley brushed by her, storming down the hallway. “I’m a demon, Aziraphale, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some human push me around. The hypnosis will wear off in a minute and she’ll forget she ever saw us leave.”
Aziraphale stared awkwardly at Maria for a moment, then patted her shoulder and said, “Ah, you’re doing a very good job,” before hurrying to follow Crowley.
They found the staircase and passed the second layer, then continued down to the first.
A sign on the door said NO ENTRY. But the door opened with some gentle persuasion.
Another cheerful helper in a blue vest descended upon them as soon as they came in. “This section has already completed the transition to cryosleep, gentlemen, and we’re in the process of locking it down, so if you could just-”
He was taken care of with another snap of the fingers. “Um, you’re doing a good job, too,” Aziraphale said as he passed him.
“Room 467,” he said. “Here it is.”
They took up positions on opposite sides of the door. “Are you ready, angel?”
He wished he still had his flaming sword, but it was far too late to think about that now. “I’m ready.”
With a thought, the door lock disengaged, and Crowley kicked the door open dramatically.
The room was empty and quiet, except for the steady beeping of a pulse.
They drew into the room cautiously, then looked down into the cryopod half-sticking up out of the ground. There was somebody inside it, fully submerged, eyes closed. Her canine teeth were just a little too long and stuck out even with her mouth closed.
“Oh,” said Crowley.
“Oh,” said Aziraphale.
“I…I guess we needn’t have worried after all.”
“There’s no way she can…I don’t know…wake herself up halfway through, can she?”
Crowley palmed the glass of the chamber. “I…I don’t know. I mean, I guess not. I wouldn’t know how to do that.”
“Oh.”
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“We could…” Aziraphale grimaced.
“What?”
“We…well, it’s just going to be the two of us and her for the rest of eternity on Kepler-442b…if we felt inclined, we have the opportunity to make the rest of our lives a lot easier right now.”
“We…You’re suggesting we should…”
“I wouldn’t know how to move the cryopod, but we could figure it out. We could do what Maria did to Nick.”
The suggestion hung in the air. Crowley’s face pinched. “I mean…she might be decent.”
“I suppose?”
“Doesn’t seem very sporting.”
“Demons usually aren’t sporting.”
“So you’re a demon now?”
“You know what I meant.”
Crowley tapped the glass. “I…”
They both stared at her.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“Come on, angel,” said Crowley, withdrawing. “We both know we’re not going to do it. Let’s get back up to our own room. I’m about ready for that 500-year nap right about now.”
Aziraphale took his hand as they exited. “Likewise.”
To Be Continued....
Chapter 2
Crowley and Aziraphale eventually learned that they were in the tail-end of passengers boarding the ship. They were scheduled to depart one week after the angel and demon’s arrival, but they had to wait until everyone was on board first.
A week came and went. No word of departure. A second week. They eventually learned that the delay was the result of waiting for one single passenger.
“Three guesses as to who that is,” said Crowley. “Maybe if we can convince the crew to take off without her, we’ll avoid the situation altogether.”
“They calculated everything precisely, Crowley,” said Aziraphale. “Maybe they don’t want to throw everything off this early?”
“They’ve already thrown it off by moving the takeoff date! I’ve had enough of this. I’m going to snoop around.”
With those words, Crowley left the room. Aziraphale listened to his shoes clacking on the metal grate for a few moments before huffing and picking himself up to follow.
The infinite hallway was just barely big enough for the two of them to walk side-by-side. “And what exactly do you propose to do?” Aziraphale whispered to him harshly.
“Well, we’re already in the third circle,” said Crowley. “All we need to do is figure out how to go one up and we’ll be in the restricted sections. That’s where all the fun is bound to be.”
The two of them had been doing nothing but watching movies on the vidscreen in their room, reading, and walking back and forth to the third circle’s cafeteria for the past two weeks, and Aziraphale suspected that Crowley just wanted an excuse to goof off exploring the ship. “We’re not allowed.”
“You’re not allowed. I’m a demon, so I’m supposed to do things that aren’t allowed. If you don’t want to, you can go back to the cabin.”
“If I let you run around unsupervised, I’m sure you’ll get into dreadful trouble.”
“That’s the point.” Crowley stopped, looking up. “There, you see? A maintenance tunnel.”
Aziraphale followed his upturned gaze to a hatch, barely visible as it was pressed into the ceiling. “It’s locked.”
Crowley twisted his hand, and four bolts fell out. “No it isn’t.”
“Crowley, this isn’t a good idea.”
“Nonsense! This is a great idea. Give me a boost.”
Aziraphale eventually let himself be talked into letting Crowley sit on his shoulders so he could shift the metal pane aside and haul himself up into the ceiling. The demon turned around in the narrow space and held his hand out.
“I’m not going up there,” sniffed Aziraphale. “I’m sure something awful will happen.”
“Suit yourself,” said Crowley, shrugging. “I guess I’ll just go off by myself then.”
“Oh no you don’t. Help me up.”
The space in the ceiling was just big enough for one person to crawl through, and it was filled with pipes and storage tanks and electronic equipment. Aziraphale had a good view of Crowley’s posterior as he crawled ahead.
“How did it manage to get dusty up here already?” said Crowley. “The bloody ship isn’t that old.”
He crawled until he reached a solid wall of computers, at which point he felt around until he found a gap to climb over them.
“There’s a ladder back here,” he said. “Come up, this must go up to the next layer.”
It was almost too dark to see; Crowley was a dim shape moving above him. They demon must have been able to see, though, with those reflective eyes of his. Aziraphale mostly went by the feel of the metal rungs in his hands, grateful that he was not the one leading. He sighed with exasperation when the ladder ended and Crowley started into another crawlspace, sure that they would get lost at this rate.
Light began to filter down through a grate above them. Crowley flipped over on his back and pushed the grate out with all four limbs.
“Crowley!”
The demon disappeared into the brightness above them. Aziraphale dragged himself up and out to follow, only to find himself in a hallway that looked identical to the one on their floor.
“Hah,” said Crowley quietly as Aziraphale slid the grate back into place. “They make the crew live separately from the other passengers at an even lower gravity level.”
“Crowley, we’re going to get caught if we stay here,” Aziraphale whispered.
“S’pose you’re right,” said Crowley. “I’d hate to see what Maria will throw out the airlock next. Come on.”
He strolled over and found another panel in the ceiling, which he promptly miracled open. He did not need a boost this time; a single jump carried him far enough up to get his upper body into the roof.
Aziraphale finally gave into the temptation from seeing Crowley’s posterior in front of him this whole time and slapped his arse before the demon could get it up out of reach. Crowley suppressed a squeal of surprise and made room for Aziraphale. The angel likewise leapt and took Crowley’s hand to pull him up.
“You’re getting awfully handsy, aren’t you?” said Crowley as Aziraphale replaced the panel beneath them. Aziraphale looked into his eyes, glowing in the semidarkness, and shrugged innocently.
“Me? I’m just an angel, my dear. No impure thoughts here.”
“…I’m sure.”
They crawled forwards again, through the same layout of pipes and tanks and electronics, except feeling lighter this time. They came to a similar ladder and climbed up again in near darkness.
Crowley stopped. “What is it?” said Aziraphale.
“I see something.”
“Me too,” said Aziraphale, reaching up and pinching Crowley’s bottom.
“This is harassment,” said Crowley.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. If you’re not careful I might have to start fighting back.”
“Mm, I’m sure you would.”
“I really do see something, though.” Crowley twisted and leapt off the ladder, the reduced gravity making him soar through the air off into the distance. Aziraphale hesitantly followed, not having quite as much faith in his leaping abilities.
When he landed next to Crowley, the demon had already taken his screen out of his pocket, collapsed it into its cylindrical shape, and activated its flashlight function. He shined it around, the light illuminating dust motes on its way to hulking, looming shapes in the darkness, behemoths of glass and metal and plastic.
Crowley whistled. “What’s all this?”
“The robotics, I’d imagine,” said Aziraphale. “The colony is mostly going to be built with machines.”
Crowley started walking among the machines. The stillness of the air combined with the way the robots looked like animals crouching to pounce made a spooky atmosphere. He looked up at the tallest one, a drill, the tip soaring off so high his light dissipated into darkness before it could reach the top.
“Humans sure are amazing,” he said.
Crowley saw the hand coming before it could grope him, and he kept one hand on his flashlight and clamped the other on Aziraphale’s arm before it made contact.
“You think you’re naughty, huh?”
“Maybe a little,” said the angel, feeling silly.
Crowley smiled, leaning in towards him, brushing his nose against the angel’s cheek, as though for a kiss…
The sound of his hand smacking Aziraphale’s arse, and the subsequent yelp of surprise, resonated loudly in the empty space.
“Come on,” said Crowley.
They left the mechanical menagerie behind and found a door. It was extremely thick and sturdy and locked, but it was summarily unlocked especially for them. They found yet another ladder and climbed up in near darkness.
A faint light began to appear in their vision as they neared the top. Crowley reached the end of the rungs and disappeared up over the lip of some faintly-lit ridge.
“Crowley?” said Aziraphale. He pulled himself up to follow.
Crowley was there, waiting with his face exactly where he knew Aziraphale’s would appear, planting a kiss on him. Aziraphale nearly fell off the ladder in surprise, but managed to hold on.
Crowley broke the kiss and pulled away, smiling. “Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.”
The demon turned and sat cross-legged on the floor; Aziraphale slid up next to him and followed his gaze.
A huge open space soared in front of them, a hollow cylinder filled with bundles of very thick cables, and Aziraphale realized they must be looking at the inside of one of the spokes radiating from the center of the wheel of the ship. A blue glow radiated from the top, shifting about vaguely like a lava lamp.
“Impressive, isn’t it?” said Crowley.
Aziraphale reached one arm out and leaned Crowley onto his shoulder. “I think so.”
Aziraphale’s hand rubbed his back, then sunk lower.
“Hey!” Crowley laughed. “You-!”
“Me what?”
“You!” Crowley pushed him away, walking over to the chasm.
“Crowley, why don’t we go back to our room? We could…hm?”
Crowley was examining the cords stretching off into infinity in either direction; they were moving so fast and so quietly that the movement was almost imperceptible.
“Crowley, don’t.”
“We must be down to less than half a G, don’t you think, angel? This feels about the same as it was on Mars. We must be getting closer to the center of the ship.”
“Crowley, whatever you’re thinking of doing, don’t-”
But it was too late; Crowley had already given one amplified leap off the precipice. He caught onto the cords, and with a flash his body disappeared out of sight almost immediately.
“Crowley!” Aziraphale rushed over the edge and looked down, then up. He could see Crowley zooming upwards at an alarming speed. “Ooh, that insufferable demon.” The angel looked at the cords, trying to decide how he could go about it without hurting his hands, then deciding he’d have to live with it and heal himself afterwards. He threw himself off and grabbed a cord.
He had to cheat a little to let himself hold on; the wall panels were a blur of motion in his peripheral vision. The blue light was growing closer and more intense, casting strange, angular shadows. The air grew colder.
The place where the cord met some junction of machinery was coming up, and Aziraphale threw himself off, heedless of direction, to avoid smashing into it. Disoriented, he found that his body did not go back down as predicted, but instead continued in a straight line, spinning over and over. “Ah!”
A hand caught his foot and wrenched him, changing his course sharply. He found himself in Crowley’s arms, who was also likewise floating in midair. His cheeks were flushed red with cold, and his laughing made billows in the air. “You know, for someone who’s actually flown under his own power before, you’re not very graceful in the air.”
Crowley must have cheated to dispel some of their momentum; they slowed and stabilized in the air. Aziraphale looked up at the source of the blue light; a great metal box hung suspended above them, and whatever was inside was throwing out unstable light through the slats in the box.
“Is that the engine?” Aziraphale gasped. “Crowley, we shouldn’t be so close to it.”
“Don’t worry, angel, they’ve got in a cage, see? It can’t get to us.”
Aziraphale gave him an unamused look.
“Seriously, though, there’s a barrier between us and it. A clear one, I mean. It’s rock solid. I felt it when I smashed into it. Nothing getting into that thing.”
The two just floated there in each other’s arms. The blue light lit Crowley’s face and highlighted his cheekbones, his animalistic eyes flashing in the electric illumination. The demon leaned in and kissed Aziraphale, hands caressing the angel’s face.
“I’m so glad we’re here together,” said Crowley.
“Likewise,” said Aziraphale, encircling Crowley’s waist with his arms.
The stillness was underscored by the low resonance of the static of the powerful machine in the room, the two supernatural beings drifting in the air, free of prying eyes, Heaven and Hell and Earth, free of even gravity, lost in each other in the darkness and quiet only broken by the electronic light and hum, their only company the pulsing, writhing luminescence.
Crowley lowered himself down, keeping his arms around Aziraphale’s thighs, and undid the angel’s zipper with a thought.
Aziraphale gave an unhinged moan and tangled his fingers in Crowley’s hair. “Oooh… You weren’t lying about….not being able to wait, were you?”
Crowley made the small, wheedling sounds that he always did during this activity, devouring with fervor, his hands raking down Aziraphale. The angel’s legs wrapped around him.
Floodlights suddenly illuminated them from below, and Crowley broke off, his pupils contracting in the sudden light.
A woman in a blue vest with salt-and-pepper hair scowled at them from the floor, floating with one hand on a handle by the door. Aziraphale hastily re-did his pants.
“Come down from there!” said the newcomer, with an angry gesture at the door behind her.
“Er…” Aziraphale looked around, Crowley still locked between his legs, and realized there weren’t any handholds nearby. “We’re sort of stuck!”
The woman gave a disgusted sigh and threw out a rope with a weight attached on the end, which soared in a straight line right at them. The small sphere hit Crowley in the back of the head, which seemed to have been the intended target. The two of them used it to shimmy down, growing redder and more shamefaced as they got nearer to the woman.
Aziraphale steadied himself on the handhold on the opposite side of the door, and Crowley steadied himself on Aziraphale. The woman was flushed with anger and struggled to find words as they waited for whatever was surely coming.
“You know,” she finally said. “At first I thought you two were saboteurs of some kind and then I come down and find this?”
“Er…” said Aziraphale. “Sorry.”
“You would have been sorry if you two dumbasses had messed something up and killed us all. These areas are off-limit for a reason. What do you have to say for yourselves?”
“Er…please don’t tell the higher-ups?” Crowley tried.
The woman snorted. “Hard to get higher than the captain, mate.”
“You’re the captain?”
“Who did you expect? Captain Kirk?”
“Ah.”
“Luckily for the two of you, we’ve already left earth’s orbit and there’s no way to disembark now. You’re stuck onboard, or I’d have you sent back. I ought to throw both of you out the airlock.”
“We’ve left Earth? But I thought we were waiting for our last passenger.”
“Who just got on this morning. We set off the second she was on board.” The captain scrutinized them. “How exactly did the two of you make it this far? There were several layers of locked doors between here and the third circle.”
“Ah.” They both fidgeted. “We ah…one of the staff left their key lying around.”
She extended her hand. “Give it to me.”
They looked around the room, anywhere but her eyes.
“Give it to me.”
Aziraphale reached into his pocket and pulled out a card that had not previously been there. He sincerely hoped it was what the staff keycards looked like, because he couldn’t remember exactly.
Fortunately the captain put the card in her pocket without much scrutiny. “All right. Now let’s go. You’re going back to your suite. And you’re going to stay there. Right?”
“Yes, ma’am,” they both muttered.
“Good.” She went hand-over-hand into the door behind her, where a rung of handholds on the wall ran off into the distance. She used them to propel herself down the hallway, easily rocketing through the shaft with just her arms. The angel and demon followed, shamed into silence.
They followed the hallway until they reached an elevator, which dinged open at their approach. An empty wheelchair hovered in the enclosed space, and the captain, still huffing with indignation, strapped her legs into it. She pounded the controls as soon as Aziraphale and Crowley were inside and the door slid shut.
“Honestly,” she said. “Honestly. You’re both adults. I would have expected this from horny teenagers, not scientists and engineers.”
They both shuffled their feet, which did not have quite the same effect when they were not on the floor.
Gravity began to pull harder on them as the cart moved further and further down. “Did you not think we would see you? We have cameras everywhere.”
Crowley rubbed the back of his head. “Eheh…It was my idea…Sorry about that…”
The wheelchair finally touched the floor with a clatter. The captain glared at him and knocked on the control panel. The doors opened, revealing the walkway to the third circle. She jerked her head, and they scuttled out of the elevator.
She accompanied them all the way to their room, still muttering.
“Well, it was nice meeting you!” said Aziraphale, swiping to open their door.
“Don’t,” said the captain, wheeling herself away.
The mechanical whirr of the wheels on her chair faded into the distance. They both exhaled, came into the room, shut the door, and burst into embarrassed laughter. They collapsed onto the bed together.
“Oh, somebody,” said Crowley. “I thought we were goners.”
“I told you something was going to happen,” said Aziraphale, tweaking the demon’s nose.
Crowley crawled over and buried his face in Aziraphale’s stomach, still laughing. “I didn’t think it would be that, thought.”
“Yes….But what she told us.”
Crowley looked up. “The other demon. She’s onboard.”
Aziraphale looked troubled. “Yes, I suppose she is.”
Crowley rolled over. “Okay, cool. Just the two of us, another demon, and a metal donut full of humans hurdling off into deep space. When I met Adam in the Garden, somehow I never pictured this being a likely scenario for the future.”
“The universe certainly is full of surprises.”
***
“Attention on all decks. This is your captain speaking. I am pleased to announce that as of this morning, the Aphelion is fully boarded, staffed, and ready for its interstellar journey. We will be following the trajectory of the New Frontiers space probe to reach Kepler-442 in approximately 523 years from today. The ship has already left Earth’s orbit and is currently passing Mars and building speed. When the time comes, please follow all directions your VA gives you regarding entering cryosleep. And this is an additional reminder that all decks above the third circle are strictly off-limits to all passengers except those authorized by the Aphelion crew to work in lower than 0.9G. I would like to reiterate that the upper decks contain sensitive equipment that may be damaged if not handled properly and are off-limits. Thank you, and welcome aboard, space explorers.”
Aziraphale and Crowley adopted a routine of sorts. Crowley eventually gave in and went to the greenhouse, coming back with another spider plant in a pot, upon which he scrawled “Nick Jr.” with a black marker. Watering and talking to Nick Jr. was the first item of business of the day, followed by breakfast, brooding, lunch, and more brooding. Dinner was served at 6:30pm, and usually they had enough time left for one last brooding session before bed.
Crowley sat with his arms crossed, staring angrily at his screen, as though if he let it know he was angry enough with it, it would give him answers.
“There’s thousands of people on this ship. There’s no way we can count on running into her on accident.”
“Mm-hmm,” said Aziraphale, sitting on the bed reading a selection from his library of books, and who had not done his fair share of the brooding that day.
Crowley pulled his screen out so that it was fully extended and tapped on it rapidly. “I’ve tried every angle of attack I can think of to hack into the database where everyone’s personal information is stored. But I was never very good at hacking.”
He sounded very sad about it. Perhaps he was thinking of the forty-second James Bond movie, which had taken place entirely inside a computer frame and had also not been scientifically accurate. Trying to miracle the database earlier had not worked and had produced some strange results.
“Yes, dear,” said Aziraphale.
“Aziraphale, this is serious! We might be in real danger if we can’t locate this other demon before we go under.”
“Of course,” said Aziraphale, not looking up.
“You’re not even listening!” Crowley huffed. “You’re useless, as always.”
“Whatever you say, dear.”
The day for cryosleep drew nearer and nearer. One day the captain came over the intercom and announced that they had reached light speed.
“That was when we were going to sleep, wasn’t it?” said Crowley frantically. “When we reached light speed? It’s going to be any day now.”
“Crowley, she hasn’t shown any signs of aggression at all,” said Aziraphale. “Maybe we needn’t worry about her. Maybe she doesn’t even know we’re on board.”
Crowley did not seem convinced and remained glued to his screen even up to the very hour when they heard the first circle had started the process to enter cryosleep.
“Oh,” he said.
Aziraphale had been staring into the cryopods, which had been revealed when a panel in the floor had slid back and were currently filling with a blue liquid of some sort, but now he looked up. “What is it?”
“They’ve...This is different now. They must have shuffled things in the system around in preparation for cryosleep. I can access the personnel files now.”
“What!” said Aziraphale, coming over to lean over his shoulder. “Really? You are good at hacking after all!”
Crowley tapped his screen rapidly. “And….there’s the boarding log…if I can access it… Yes! Now let’s see who was the last person to board.”
“She’s in the first circle,” said Aziraphale, pointing. “Room 467.”
“Let’s go,” said Crowley, folding his screen up.
They both cautiously peeked their heads out the door. A woman in a blue vest was hovering near the door and came over as soon as she saw them.
Crowley groaned. “Hello, Maria.”
“Hello, boys,” she said. “Did you need something? We’re still on schedule for going into cryosleep, so you should stay in your room unless it’s something urgent.”
“Okay, you know what, Maria?” He snapped his fingers. Her face went blank, eyes unfocused.
“Crowley,” whispered Aziraphale harshly.
Crowley brushed by her, storming down the hallway. “I’m a demon, Aziraphale, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some human push me around. The hypnosis will wear off in a minute and she’ll forget she ever saw us leave.”
Aziraphale stared awkwardly at Maria for a moment, then patted her shoulder and said, “Ah, you’re doing a very good job,” before hurrying to follow Crowley.
They found the staircase and passed the second layer, then continued down to the first.
A sign on the door said NO ENTRY. But the door opened with some gentle persuasion.
Another cheerful helper in a blue vest descended upon them as soon as they came in. “This section has already completed the transition to cryosleep, gentlemen, and we’re in the process of locking it down, so if you could just-”
He was taken care of with another snap of the fingers. “Um, you’re doing a good job, too,” Aziraphale said as he passed him.
“Room 467,” he said. “Here it is.”
They took up positions on opposite sides of the door. “Are you ready, angel?”
He wished he still had his flaming sword, but it was far too late to think about that now. “I’m ready.”
With a thought, the door lock disengaged, and Crowley kicked the door open dramatically.
The room was empty and quiet, except for the steady beeping of a pulse.
They drew into the room cautiously, then looked down into the cryopod half-sticking up out of the ground. There was somebody inside it, fully submerged, eyes closed. Her canine teeth were just a little too long and stuck out even with her mouth closed.
“Oh,” said Crowley.
“Oh,” said Aziraphale.
“I…I guess we needn’t have worried after all.”
“There’s no way she can…I don’t know…wake herself up halfway through, can she?”
Crowley palmed the glass of the chamber. “I…I don’t know. I mean, I guess not. I wouldn’t know how to do that.”
“Oh.”
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“We could…” Aziraphale grimaced.
“What?”
“We…well, it’s just going to be the two of us and her for the rest of eternity on Kepler-442b…if we felt inclined, we have the opportunity to make the rest of our lives a lot easier right now.”
“We…You’re suggesting we should…”
“I wouldn’t know how to move the cryopod, but we could figure it out. We could do what Maria did to Nick.”
The suggestion hung in the air. Crowley’s face pinched. “I mean…she might be decent.”
“I suppose?”
“Doesn’t seem very sporting.”
“Demons usually aren’t sporting.”
“So you’re a demon now?”
“You know what I meant.”
Crowley tapped the glass. “I…”
They both stared at her.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“Come on, angel,” said Crowley, withdrawing. “We both know we’re not going to do it. Let’s get back up to our own room. I’m about ready for that 500-year nap right about now.”
Aziraphale took his hand as they exited. “Likewise.”
To Be Continued....