Bleach Drabbles - 2 - Scientific Healing
Fandom: Bleach
Author: gloaming_grove
Title: Bleach Drabbles, 2 - Scientific Healing
Characters: Unohana Retsu, Kurotsuchi Mayuri
Rating: T
Warnings: Unohana can be cruel
Word Count: 489
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. If I did, we would have seen Unohana fight already.
Set at some point in the past fifty years, before Kurotsuchi-taicho perfects his turn-into-a-pile-of-goo technique. He hates onions. This is my take on why.
“ I hope you are doing well today, Kurotsuchi-taicho? I have already overseen the healing of the surviving members of your expedition, so you will have my undivided attention for as long as it takes to reform your body.”
“I must apologize, the serum your daughter brought to us doesn't seem to be in the storeroom. I have no idea what any of my subordinates would want with such a thing. Rest assured that they have been given strict instructions to find it, and that I will be doing my utmost to restore you in the meantime.”
“It is quite unfortunate that Kurotsuchi-fukutaicho is unable to make a replacement serum for you. I requested her help but she informed me that you considered her far too stupid to understand such a complex formula. Oh, you will be happy to know that she has recovered quite well from her tumble down the stairs last month, and her collision with a doorway earlier this week. She is handling your division with competence and none of the clumsiness that has been plaguing her recently.”
“I hope you will forgive our slow progress. We have done everything in our power to be both thorough and scientific in the application of cures. I'm going to have to move you into the receptacle again now. I do apologize that it smells like onions; my subordinates were working on a remedy and we just can't seem to divest the jar of the smell.”
“That makes me wonder, Kurotsuchi-taicho, do you have olfactory cells in that form? And what about pain receptors? I'm sure a scientist such as yourself would not neglect to take that into account. Perhaps it would be prudent to look into vocalization and speech first though. You may also wish to enable movement.”
“Are you ready? Since our first attempts were unsuccessful, I feel that it would be prudent, in the name of scientific method, to up the voltage before moving on to chemical compounds. This electricity that you made available to us is such an interesting tool. If human literature is to be believed, it is effective in treating a number of afflictions, and we have great hopes for it in this situation.”
“The equipment is prepared. I hope you are ready, Kurotsuchi-taicho.”
“How vexing. I had hoped for more impressive results than onion-flavored smoke.”
“If you will be patient for just a while longer, I will record my findings and we can continue with the experimentation. Excuse me.”
Unohana moved gracefully to her desk and removed her quill from its place in her drawer beside a vial of murky purple fluid. She dipped it in ink and continued the report:
Day three of electro-therapy appears to be unsuccessful. The subject smoldered somewhat and emitted smoke. A new method, chemical compound application, will be applied immediately; starting with hydrogen, and if that is unsuccessful, followed by lithium.
“Well, Kurotsuchi-taicho, shall we continue?”
A/N:
Please let me know what you think of the dialogue-based method. Was anything unclear?
In case you weren't paying attention in physics: hydrogen explodes when ignited, producing water, and lithium combusts in the presence of water and water-containing compounds. Somehow I doubt that Unohana is unaware of this...
Other Drabbles: No Good Deed; Bored
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Author: gloaming_grove
Title: Bleach Drabbles, 2 - Scientific Healing
Characters: Unohana Retsu, Kurotsuchi Mayuri
Rating: T
Warnings: Unohana can be cruel
Word Count: 489
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. If I did, we would have seen Unohana fight already.
Set at some point in the past fifty years, before Kurotsuchi-taicho perfects his turn-into-a-pile-of-goo technique. He hates onions. This is my take on why.
“ I hope you are doing well today, Kurotsuchi-taicho? I have already overseen the healing of the surviving members of your expedition, so you will have my undivided attention for as long as it takes to reform your body.”
“I must apologize, the serum your daughter brought to us doesn't seem to be in the storeroom. I have no idea what any of my subordinates would want with such a thing. Rest assured that they have been given strict instructions to find it, and that I will be doing my utmost to restore you in the meantime.”
“It is quite unfortunate that Kurotsuchi-fukutaicho is unable to make a replacement serum for you. I requested her help but she informed me that you considered her far too stupid to understand such a complex formula. Oh, you will be happy to know that she has recovered quite well from her tumble down the stairs last month, and her collision with a doorway earlier this week. She is handling your division with competence and none of the clumsiness that has been plaguing her recently.”
“I hope you will forgive our slow progress. We have done everything in our power to be both thorough and scientific in the application of cures. I'm going to have to move you into the receptacle again now. I do apologize that it smells like onions; my subordinates were working on a remedy and we just can't seem to divest the jar of the smell.”
“That makes me wonder, Kurotsuchi-taicho, do you have olfactory cells in that form? And what about pain receptors? I'm sure a scientist such as yourself would not neglect to take that into account. Perhaps it would be prudent to look into vocalization and speech first though. You may also wish to enable movement.”
“Are you ready? Since our first attempts were unsuccessful, I feel that it would be prudent, in the name of scientific method, to up the voltage before moving on to chemical compounds. This electricity that you made available to us is such an interesting tool. If human literature is to be believed, it is effective in treating a number of afflictions, and we have great hopes for it in this situation.”
“The equipment is prepared. I hope you are ready, Kurotsuchi-taicho.”
“How vexing. I had hoped for more impressive results than onion-flavored smoke.”
“If you will be patient for just a while longer, I will record my findings and we can continue with the experimentation. Excuse me.”
Unohana moved gracefully to her desk and removed her quill from its place in her drawer beside a vial of murky purple fluid. She dipped it in ink and continued the report:
Day three of electro-therapy appears to be unsuccessful. The subject smoldered somewhat and emitted smoke. A new method, chemical compound application, will be applied immediately; starting with hydrogen, and if that is unsuccessful, followed by lithium.
“Well, Kurotsuchi-taicho, shall we continue?”
A/N:
Please let me know what you think of the dialogue-based method. Was anything unclear?
In case you weren't paying attention in physics: hydrogen explodes when ignited, producing water, and lithium combusts in the presence of water and water-containing compounds. Somehow I doubt that Unohana is unaware of this...
Other Drabbles: No Good Deed; Bored
Back to ficlist