Adommy Fanfic: Can't help falling for you 5/?
The beautiful art made by my wonderful and talented friend bloodyrosered. Thank you so much!
Chapter five
It will be better in a few seconds. Keep breathing, just keep breathing. In and out. In and out. Like that. Just breathe.
Tommy looks up in the mirror. And he opens his mouth to breathe. He tries to remember the damn breathing thing he has learned with Isaac and his wife when they were in this yoga class. And eventually he can breathe again and he calms down. He looks around. Adam has a nice bathroom in his new house. And it’s huge. Tommy could put his own bathroom three times in this one. Tommy lets cold water run over his wrists and it feels good. He turns the water off and towels his hands.
Ok, it should be ok again. I can make it.
Tommy hoped things wouldn’t be that hard. But they are. Because they are not in a fancy restaurant, they will eat here in Adams new place. And it’s hard to take, because Tommy can’t escape from the intimate atmosphere between them. And he doesn’t have a good plan to get away after the dinner, because he didn’t know they would be here. And this evening will be the hardest one since ages. But he can survive. He has to. But he will have to find a reason to leave after dinner. He just has to think about an excuse for this.
Tommy steps out of the bathroom. Adam is busy in the kitchen. The food was delivered a few minutes ago. Tommy is standing in the door frame. Just watching Adam. And he likes what he sees. Adam is unpacking stuff and he is putting it on plates and in bowls. And this is lovely because Tommy doesn’t like to eat out of the boxes. And Adam is so busy he doesn’t see that Tommy is back. And this is good, because Tommy can watch him a little longer without being careful. Without the fear Adam could see his secret. Because right now in Tommys face is nothing but pure affection towards Adam. And he likes the warm feeling which is floating him. And he enjoyes it for a while.
But before he allows himself to get lost in all this, his senses click back in the right positions and he is aware of the fact that he is here for a friend. And Tommy is back in friendmood. “Hey, can I help you?” Adam turns around and smiles. “You could just get us some drinks out of the fridge. Then you can sit down, I am almost ready.” And Tommy does as he is told. And he leaves the kitchen and he sits there and waits. And then Adam is there with all the food. It smells good. And Tommy relaxes again. Everything seems to be good.
“What is this all actually? I hope not just veg?” Adams grins at him. “It’s some chinese stuff. And of course there is some meat and fish. I don’t know the names of the dishes at all, but I am pretty sure you will like it. And I have also a dessert. So let’s just start.” And then it’s easy like always. They eat and they talk and they laugh. And Adam is trying to convince Tommy to try some soya food. And Tommy tries it and he doesn’t like it. And they are laughing hard because Adam doesn’t like it either. Tommy feels good the whole time. And the dessert is really good. Chocolaty and sweet. And he can breathe.
And then the dinner is over. And they are on Adams couch. And Tommy clasps his drink just to hold into something. And he has still no idea how to get away, but he doesn’t have the chance to get away. Because suddenly Adam looks at him. “Can I talk to you about...” He seems to have problems finding the right words. And Tommy is helping him. “Yes, you can talk with me about Sauli.” And he smiles while his heart is aching. But he promised to make it. And he will. And Adam doesn’t see the struggle inside of Tommy. And he takes a deep breath. “Thank you. I was almost choking because I couldn’t talk with anyone.” He leans back in the couch, his eyes on Tommy.
“I don’t know how it can work out with him. I mean I am here, he is like a million miles away. This is strange. And we don’t even live in the same timezone and his days are starting earlier than mine. And this is really strange.” Tommy is laughing about this. “Are you kidding me?” “I know it’s stupid to think like he would live some hours ahead in the future, but it feels like that.” And he is also laughing about it. But it’s a sad laugh. And Tommy can feel the sadness. It hurts him. But he wants to listen. He has to.
I am your friend. I can do this.
And Adam keeps talking but now his eyes are wandering over the couch, the table, the floor. “And I want it to work. I like him and it could easily turn to something serious with him. He is... he is...perfect. And this is scaring the shit out of me. Because he doesn’t challenge anything. And somehow I like it that way. But somehow it seems like it shouldn’t be that easy.” Adam sighs.
“Don’t you like it, when things are easy?” Tommys voice is calm. Adam looks up to him. “I do, I think. No, I do, I mean. I don’t know.” Tommy smiles at him. “What do you miss? For me it seems like you are searching for a reason to dump him.” Adam sighs. “No, it’s not like that. Maybe I should just stop waiting for a big bang and hearts around my eyes and just enjoy the simple fact that I like to be around him.” “But you miss the big bang?” Adams looks again away from Tommy. “Yeah, somehow I miss it. But on the other hand I think that maybe it will work better this way. Things are calmer between us. Maybe I am just afraid because it’s difficult to have a relationship over this big distance. How can we get to know eachother, when we see us only for a few days in a month. And things would rush to much when I would offer him to come to me for a longer time. Because it would force us to kind of live together without knowing each other. Do you know what I mean?” And Tommy nods, he knows.
“Adam, I can’t really imagine having a relationship over a distance for me. I had it once. But then we broke up soon, because it felt like it was not really about being together but about having sex. We met every two weeks and spend the whole weekend in bed. It was great, don’t get me wrong. But when I was thinking about what we had in common, there was not much left beside the sex.” Tommy tries to find Adams eyes, but fails. Adam keeps looking away. “No, it’s not just about sex between Sauli and me. We... I mean... we didn’t... you know.” Adam is blushing and Tommy thinks how adorable this is. And then he realizes what Adam said.
They didn’t have sex!
“You didn’t have sex with him?” Adam shakes his head. “No, I’m not like that. I need time. We just ... you know... we kissed and made out, but nothing more.” And Tommy tries so hard not to let Adam see how relieved he is. But Adam isn’t even looking at him. And then Tommy needs to know and cups Adams face to force him to look at him.
Oh, fuck, those eyes....
And he asks him. “Do you love him?” Adam swallows and tries to escape from Tommys grip. But Tommy is strong. There is no way out. “Not yet, but I could fall for him.” And Tommy is surprised again how much this is relieving him.
I am so not over him.
And Tommy lets go and Adam leans back again, his eyes closed. “I could really fall for him. I like him. He is nice, isn’t he?” He looks up and Tommy nods. Then Tommy gets up and get them some more alcohol. He needs is now. And Adam seems to think the same. They are sitting in silence for a while and drinking. And Tommy is again thinking about a plan to get out of here. But he wants to be a good friend. So he is waiting for a sign that Adam wants to be alone.
“Should we watch TV?” Adam obviously doesn’t want to be alone. And Tommy is a good friend and nods. “Sure, why not.” And Adam gets up to turn the TV on and they watch something. But Tommy doesn’t really care. He is just enjoying being here. And they sit together, shoulder on shoulder and at some point Adam falls asleep. And he leans against Tommy, his head on Tommy shoulder. And Tommy is waiting.
He is waiting until Adams breath is steady and deep and Tommy knows Adam is sleeping. Then he carefully gets up and lets Adam sink in the pillows. And he tucks Adam in a blanket. Then he sits there on the floor right in front of Adams face. And he looks at Adams face and it hurts. And he wants so badly to touch, but he isn’t allowed. And his heart is breaking. And he knows he has to go. And he writes a note for Adam. Then he gets up and walks to the door. He turns around at the door to catch a last glimpse of Adams face. “You are so beautiful” he whispers and shuts the door behind him.
Chapter five
It will be better in a few seconds. Keep breathing, just keep breathing. In and out. In and out. Like that. Just breathe.
Tommy looks up in the mirror. And he opens his mouth to breathe. He tries to remember the damn breathing thing he has learned with Isaac and his wife when they were in this yoga class. And eventually he can breathe again and he calms down. He looks around. Adam has a nice bathroom in his new house. And it’s huge. Tommy could put his own bathroom three times in this one. Tommy lets cold water run over his wrists and it feels good. He turns the water off and towels his hands.
Ok, it should be ok again. I can make it.
Tommy hoped things wouldn’t be that hard. But they are. Because they are not in a fancy restaurant, they will eat here in Adams new place. And it’s hard to take, because Tommy can’t escape from the intimate atmosphere between them. And he doesn’t have a good plan to get away after the dinner, because he didn’t know they would be here. And this evening will be the hardest one since ages. But he can survive. He has to. But he will have to find a reason to leave after dinner. He just has to think about an excuse for this.
Tommy steps out of the bathroom. Adam is busy in the kitchen. The food was delivered a few minutes ago. Tommy is standing in the door frame. Just watching Adam. And he likes what he sees. Adam is unpacking stuff and he is putting it on plates and in bowls. And this is lovely because Tommy doesn’t like to eat out of the boxes. And Adam is so busy he doesn’t see that Tommy is back. And this is good, because Tommy can watch him a little longer without being careful. Without the fear Adam could see his secret. Because right now in Tommys face is nothing but pure affection towards Adam. And he likes the warm feeling which is floating him. And he enjoyes it for a while.
But before he allows himself to get lost in all this, his senses click back in the right positions and he is aware of the fact that he is here for a friend. And Tommy is back in friendmood. “Hey, can I help you?” Adam turns around and smiles. “You could just get us some drinks out of the fridge. Then you can sit down, I am almost ready.” And Tommy does as he is told. And he leaves the kitchen and he sits there and waits. And then Adam is there with all the food. It smells good. And Tommy relaxes again. Everything seems to be good.
“What is this all actually? I hope not just veg?” Adams grins at him. “It’s some chinese stuff. And of course there is some meat and fish. I don’t know the names of the dishes at all, but I am pretty sure you will like it. And I have also a dessert. So let’s just start.” And then it’s easy like always. They eat and they talk and they laugh. And Adam is trying to convince Tommy to try some soya food. And Tommy tries it and he doesn’t like it. And they are laughing hard because Adam doesn’t like it either. Tommy feels good the whole time. And the dessert is really good. Chocolaty and sweet. And he can breathe.
And then the dinner is over. And they are on Adams couch. And Tommy clasps his drink just to hold into something. And he has still no idea how to get away, but he doesn’t have the chance to get away. Because suddenly Adam looks at him. “Can I talk to you about...” He seems to have problems finding the right words. And Tommy is helping him. “Yes, you can talk with me about Sauli.” And he smiles while his heart is aching. But he promised to make it. And he will. And Adam doesn’t see the struggle inside of Tommy. And he takes a deep breath. “Thank you. I was almost choking because I couldn’t talk with anyone.” He leans back in the couch, his eyes on Tommy.
“I don’t know how it can work out with him. I mean I am here, he is like a million miles away. This is strange. And we don’t even live in the same timezone and his days are starting earlier than mine. And this is really strange.” Tommy is laughing about this. “Are you kidding me?” “I know it’s stupid to think like he would live some hours ahead in the future, but it feels like that.” And he is also laughing about it. But it’s a sad laugh. And Tommy can feel the sadness. It hurts him. But he wants to listen. He has to.
I am your friend. I can do this.
And Adam keeps talking but now his eyes are wandering over the couch, the table, the floor. “And I want it to work. I like him and it could easily turn to something serious with him. He is... he is...perfect. And this is scaring the shit out of me. Because he doesn’t challenge anything. And somehow I like it that way. But somehow it seems like it shouldn’t be that easy.” Adam sighs.
“Don’t you like it, when things are easy?” Tommys voice is calm. Adam looks up to him. “I do, I think. No, I do, I mean. I don’t know.” Tommy smiles at him. “What do you miss? For me it seems like you are searching for a reason to dump him.” Adam sighs. “No, it’s not like that. Maybe I should just stop waiting for a big bang and hearts around my eyes and just enjoy the simple fact that I like to be around him.” “But you miss the big bang?” Adams looks again away from Tommy. “Yeah, somehow I miss it. But on the other hand I think that maybe it will work better this way. Things are calmer between us. Maybe I am just afraid because it’s difficult to have a relationship over this big distance. How can we get to know eachother, when we see us only for a few days in a month. And things would rush to much when I would offer him to come to me for a longer time. Because it would force us to kind of live together without knowing each other. Do you know what I mean?” And Tommy nods, he knows.
“Adam, I can’t really imagine having a relationship over a distance for me. I had it once. But then we broke up soon, because it felt like it was not really about being together but about having sex. We met every two weeks and spend the whole weekend in bed. It was great, don’t get me wrong. But when I was thinking about what we had in common, there was not much left beside the sex.” Tommy tries to find Adams eyes, but fails. Adam keeps looking away. “No, it’s not just about sex between Sauli and me. We... I mean... we didn’t... you know.” Adam is blushing and Tommy thinks how adorable this is. And then he realizes what Adam said.
They didn’t have sex!
“You didn’t have sex with him?” Adam shakes his head. “No, I’m not like that. I need time. We just ... you know... we kissed and made out, but nothing more.” And Tommy tries so hard not to let Adam see how relieved he is. But Adam isn’t even looking at him. And then Tommy needs to know and cups Adams face to force him to look at him.
Oh, fuck, those eyes....
And he asks him. “Do you love him?” Adam swallows and tries to escape from Tommys grip. But Tommy is strong. There is no way out. “Not yet, but I could fall for him.” And Tommy is surprised again how much this is relieving him.
I am so not over him.
And Tommy lets go and Adam leans back again, his eyes closed. “I could really fall for him. I like him. He is nice, isn’t he?” He looks up and Tommy nods. Then Tommy gets up and get them some more alcohol. He needs is now. And Adam seems to think the same. They are sitting in silence for a while and drinking. And Tommy is again thinking about a plan to get out of here. But he wants to be a good friend. So he is waiting for a sign that Adam wants to be alone.
“Should we watch TV?” Adam obviously doesn’t want to be alone. And Tommy is a good friend and nods. “Sure, why not.” And Adam gets up to turn the TV on and they watch something. But Tommy doesn’t really care. He is just enjoying being here. And they sit together, shoulder on shoulder and at some point Adam falls asleep. And he leans against Tommy, his head on Tommy shoulder. And Tommy is waiting.
He is waiting until Adams breath is steady and deep and Tommy knows Adam is sleeping. Then he carefully gets up and lets Adam sink in the pillows. And he tucks Adam in a blanket. Then he sits there on the floor right in front of Adams face. And he looks at Adams face and it hurts. And he wants so badly to touch, but he isn’t allowed. And his heart is breaking. And he knows he has to go. And he writes a note for Adam. Then he gets up and walks to the door. He turns around at the door to catch a last glimpse of Adams face. “You are so beautiful” he whispers and shuts the door behind him.