Fic: Don't wake up 7/18
Don’t wake up!
Title: Don’t wake up
Type: Romance
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Adam/Tommy
Words: about 950 (this chapter)
Warnings: a bit of angst, lot of M/M
Disclaimer: it's just my imagination, I don't own the guys, even if I really would like to ;-) But I own the story. Don’t tweet this to any of the persons I am just borrowing here.
Summary: What happens when Adam and Tommy wake up in one bed?
Chapter 7
Tommy was standing in the bathroom, breathing in and out. He looked in his eyes in the mirror and tried to calm down. After a few minutes he was able to think about what happend. He told Adam he could feel him and then he let Adam kiss him and he kissed him back. And maybe more could have happen if he didn’t stop himself. He could see the confusion in his own eyes. Ok, maybe he was overacting about the situation. He should think about it. Why did this happen? He sighed.
Ok, maybe he was attracted to Adam. Was this really as bad as it seemed? Adam is a really good guy. He wouldn’t use Tommy for something like “how to get a straight guy bendy”. And Adam is his friend, his best friend. And they have had this special connection between them since they met. Ok, there could be something worse than to be atrracted to Adam Lambert. But what does it mean for his life. Is he now gay? Does he really want to have a relationship with a man? Could it be just some fun, without any reponsibility? Maybe.
No, this wouldn’t work well. For neither of them. They could lose their friendship. And this would be too much to take. For both of them. Tommy just got the hint that he can have all or nothing. There is no possibility of having something like friends with benefits. Either it will be a full relationship or really just a friendship. A friendship without any body contact and with strict boundries.
What do I want? The whole package or nothing?
This would be the hardest decision in his life. And maybe the most important one. What should he do and could he decide it alone? He had to talk to Adam. To find out what Adam wanted and what Tommy could handle. Maybe this would be the right way.
Before he walked out of the bathroom he washed his face and looked once again in the mirror. He asked the man in the mirror what he would feel for Adam. What did it mean that he could feel Adam? And could he forget the feelings when Adam would say that he didn’t want to have a relationship with Tommy. Probably not. For sure not. But what was it, what did he feel for Adam? Was it just something physical? Just lust? Tommy closed his eyes and could see Adams face in front of him. No, it wasn’t just a physical need. It was so much more. And Tommy knew for sure he couldn’t imagine a life without Adam.
He toweled his face and walked out to the room. There he saw Adam on the bed, his face in a pillow. He felt horrible because Adam was hurt. He walked to the bed and sat down on the edge. Adam didn’t hear him and was a little scared as Tommy sat down on the bed. Tommy couldn’t look at Adam. He was sitting on the edge, looking at his fingers. He knew that he should say something. And he shouldn’t wait too long. This would be awkward.
“Adam, I think we should talk about what happened.” Tommys voice was weak. “I just don’t know where to start and what to say.” Adam moved towards Tommy. “Hey, just say whatever is on your mind and whatever you want to let out. I will let you talk and I will listen. Just let it out.” Tommy sighed. “It’s hard. I care so much about you, about us. I am just afraid to fuck this up. I am kind of confused about my feelings for you. The most important point is that admiting I’d feel more for you than just friendship would change many things in my life. And I don’t know if I am ready for it. It’s not the question if I want to be with you or not. Ok, this is one of the questions, but not the only one. And not the hardest one to answer. I think.”
Adam was still inches away from Tommy. He was waiting but he was also listening. “But what about to start with this question if it’s not the hardest one to answer? I mean, maybe it’s easier to answer the other questions when you know if you want to be with me.” Tommy sighed. “I don’t know if it will be easier.” Adam moved a little closer. “Will it help you if you knew how I would answer this question?” Adam was almost whispering.
Tommy turned around to face Adam. “I don’t want to make it easier for me. I have to get through it and I have to find an answer for me that doesn’t depend on what you would say. Can you understand me?” Adam nodded. Tommy looked away. “But you could help me anyway, if you want?” Tommy looked back at Adam. “What can I do?” Tommy gazed in Adams eyes and said “Take me in your arms and hold me tight. I need some support. And then just let me stay in your arms for a moment so I can find the right words for you.”
Adam moved to Tommy and pulled him with him to the head of the bed. There he sat down and pulled Tommy to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. He kissed Tommys head and stroked over his back. Then he was waiting, waiting for something good to come.