Fic: Tangents [SJM RPS]
Title: Tangents
Fandom: SJM RPS
Pairing: Donghae/Siwon
Rating: R
Summary: Donghae is curious. Siwon has no intention of satisfying that curiosity. At least, not yet.
Notes: A side story for the Counting Backwards series. Partially overlaps the events of The Square Root of Four.
Tangents
The fast food restaurant is cheap and junky and serves the kind of shit that has salad only as a throwaway garnish. Ryeowook declares in his quiet, over-dramatic way that he would rather die than eat in such a place, and their little refugee group splits up, Jongwoon wandering after Ryeowook while Siwon agrees to eat calorie-laden crap. At least, Donghae takes it as agreement, since Siwon follows him into the restaurant and sits down in a booth near the window.
Donghae places their order without reference to Siwon. Their drinks arrive first, rattling with too many ice cubes, the cheap waxed paper cups beading with moisture. Donghae collects a few bendy straws and a handful of paper napkins and carries the drinks over to the table.
“You’ve ordered?” Siwon looks resigned rather than surprised. “You always do that. You should ask people what they want first. I wanted chicken wings.”
“I ordered your damn chicken wings already,” Donghae lies. “It’s not like you eat anything else here. Remember to put two straws in my drink.”
Siwon tears at the wrappers and mutters something about Donghae being six years old, but he slides two straws through the lid of the cup anyway. Donghae nods, goes back to the counter, and orders chicken wings.
The server dumps the food on a tray, and Donghae takes it, balancing it on one hand and stuffing a couple of blistering-hot French fries into his mouth. They burn his tongue, but he doesn’t care. The flavour is worth it. There’s nothing like junk food straight from the fryer.
He slides the tray onto the table. “Chicken wings,” he says around another mouthful of fries. “What did I tell you?” He nudges the box towards Siwon and sits down opposite, pausing only long enough to take off his shades and to push the baseball cap further back on his head. He folds the shades into the front of his t-shirt. Yeah, he looks cool, styling with his bulgogi burger and with his fries dipping into the miniscule tub of teriyaki sauce.
Siwon makes a sound that just might be a snort of derision, but then he opens the box of chicken wings and gets this beatific smile, and Donghae feels a righteous glow of satisfaction. Sometimes it’s the little things that bring pleasure.
They eat in companionable silence. Donghae finishes the bulgogi burger and shrimp burger in quick succession. Now his initial hunger is sated, he grazes on the remainder of his fries, poking his index finger into the corners of the bag to pick out the crispy oddments. His thoughts trip from one thing to the next, but always circle back to Hyukjae and Sungmin.
“Bet we don’t see Jade again,” he says.
“Hmm?” Siwon is still eating the chicken wings. He holds them by his fingertips and nibbles at them delicately. He’s such a gentleman when he eats. That’s well and good when they’re at some fancy restaurant with fine dining, but fairly useless here where the food congeals when it gets cold and sticks greasily to the paper wrappers.
“Jade,” says Donghae, resisting the urge to steal some of Siwon’s fries before they shrivel and die. “I bet Hyukjae won’t let Minnie dress up any more. Shame, huh. Jade was hot.”
Siwon gives him a long, measuring look. “If you say so.” He pushes the mound of fries to the centre of the table. “Please help yourself.”
“Thanks, bro.” Donghae fiddles with them. Siwon picks up his drink, lips pursed around the straw, throat moving as he swallows. Heat flash-burns through Donghae, surprising and not entirely unwelcome. He shifts in his seat and drops his gaze, stabs a fry into the teriyaki sauce. Looks up again.
Siwon’s mouth is really sexy, even more bud-like when it’s pouted around that fucking straw. Donghae wonders if Siwon gave Sungmin a blowjob last night. The thought is compelling and all too easy to imagine. He remembers Jade’s mouth on his cock, remembers Hyukjae sucking him off, both of them on him together, and he drops the fry and lifts a knee awkwardly, trying to make space for his hard-on. Great, getting a boner in a public place. He looks away from Siwon’s mouth and stares out of the window at the people passing by outside until his erection subsides.
“Wonder if they’ve made up yet,” he says.
Siwon wiggles the straw in his cup, stirring the melting ice cubes. “Maybe.”
“What if they don’t?” Donghae glances at him. “What will you do?”
The ice cubes batter against the walls of the cup. Siwon removes the bendy straw and looks at it before stabbing it back through the plastic lid. He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
It’s not a satisfactory answer. Donghae gets up from his side of the table and sits beside Siwon, hemming him in against the window. Siwon gives him a perplexed look. Donghae perches side-on and stares at Siwon’s shirt. It’s done up now, quite proper, a little too proper, actually, and so Donghae reaches out and unfastens the top few buttons, loosens the collar.
Now he can see the bruises, a staggered stripe of love-bites starting just beneath Siwon’s jaw then curving back over the tendon and down to his collarbone. Some are just delicate shadows; others had more force to their creation, the skin purple-striated. Donghae admires them. Puts out a hand and presses his fingertips against them.
Siwon makes a low, shocked sound and jerks his head away, pushing Donghae back at the same time. “Personal space,” Siwon says, “do you even know what that is?”
Donghae knows, but he doesn’t much care for it. “You really slept with Minnie.” His astonishment rises with his voice. “You let him fuck you.”
Siwon grabs him, twists a hand into the front of his t-shirt. His temper flares, his eyes going wide and dark with a flash of furious intensity. “Talk a little louder, I don’t think those people by the door heard you.”
“No, no. Sorry, bro. I didn’t mean to over-share or anything.” Donghae yanks his t-shirt from Siwon’s grasp and smoothes down the fabric, ignoring his anger. “I thought you’d go for Jade. I really did.”
“You have such a low opinion of my intelligence?” Siwon shoots him a look of indignation. “I knew she was Sungmin the moment you brought her-him-in.”
“You did, huh.” Donghae steals another French fry and helps himself to one of the two remaining chicken wings. “Why didn’t you say anything, then?”
Siwon rolls his eyes and gives a long-suffering sigh. “Why would I want to embarrass Sungmin like that? Besides, I was curious. I wondered what on earth was going on. Weren’t you the same, the first time you met Jade?”
“Actually...” Donghae thinks back to when he invited himself along on Hyukjae’s date night. The memory gives him a little frisson. “Actually, I was kind of appalled. Like, dude, what the fuck-you know? I thought Hyukkie didn’t want me to meet his real girlfriend so he’d got Minnie to dress up. But then I got into it. What they were doing. Why they were doing it. Why Minnie was doing it, anyway. Hyukjae’s just an idiot sometimes.”
Siwon finishes the last of the chicken wings. He picks up a napkin and dabs at his lips, cleans his fingers. “I heard just how much you got into it.”
Donghae thinks he catches the suggestion of disapproval in Siwon’s. “Bro,” he says, defending himself, “like you can talk. At least I did it with Jade. Yeah, with Hyukkie, too, but only because she was there. I mean, she started it. And it was hot. Really fucking hot.”
He pauses because Siwon has twisted around on the bench and is staring at him, and when Siwon is wearing that expression of morally outraged naivety, it always makes Donghae want to laugh. He doesn’t laugh, though. Instead he says, “I’d have done it again, if they’d asked me. That’s how hot it was.”
Siwon purses his lips and reaches for his drink. He sloshes it around in the cup for a moment then puts it down. “You’re incorrigible.”
It’s Donghae’s turn to shrug. “I just know what I like.” He pauses, gives Siwon a sly look. “While we’re on the subject... you and Minnie. Not going to lie, bro, I was surprised.”
“Hae.” Siwon frowns, looks mulish. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I always thought-actually, I didn’t, because that’d be kind of weird,” Donghae wrinkles his nose, “but just hypothetically, if I had thought about it before, I’d have imagined you’d be on top in that sort of situation.”
Siwon ducks his head. He’s blushing. “Well.”
“So,” Donghae puts his elbows on the table and his chin on his fists and stares at him, “you gotta tell me. Was it good for you?”
Siwon goes redder. Even his ears are blushing. “Donghae.”
“I’m curious!”
“Be curious about something else.” Siwon pulls the heap of French fries back towards him. Taking four, he stuffs them into his mouth and chews. A look of tragedy veils his expression. He winces, swallows, his face screwed up. “These are disgusting.”
Donghae laughs. “Dude, they’ve gone cold. You shouldn’t have waited so long.”
Siwon sighs. “Yes, well,” he says, and pushes the rest of the food aside.
* * *
Donghae is an opportunist. He’s always been that way, taking what he could when he could, consuming it before it could get away from him. Food, opportunities, lovers-his philosophy is to grab it while he can and make the most of it, because nothing lasts forever and you can’t take it with you when you’re gone. As long as everyone involved knows what they’re in for, so long as no one gets hurt, what’s the problem?
As a philosophy, it’s served him well. It doesn’t always seem to work for other people, though. Some people seem immovable, or maybe they’re just ignorant, or they like to complicate things. Sungmin, for example. Now he’s complicated. Good job that Donghae isn’t interested any more. He’ll leave Sungmin to Hyukjae, who seems quite capable of understanding him these days-thanks to Donghae’s great ideas and personal assistance, of course.
Siwon, though. Siwon is a challenge. Donghae’s been thinking about him just a little too much recently. When he gets an itch, Donghae scratches it. Simple as that. He just needs to convince Siwon to go along with it.
Experience has taught Donghae that the best time to try his luck with someone is when they’re on the rebound. He has no idea how much Sungmin meant to Siwon, but he knows that Siwon doesn’t just sleep with anybody, and to give it up like that must’ve meant he was really keen on Minnie, really keen and really slow, because who just lets some other guy walk off with the person you were interested in? So Donghae thinks that Siwon may have been really keen but also maybe he wasn’t that keen, which means he’s on the rebound, kind of, but not so badly that his heart is breaking or anything, which makes him more likely to be amenable to Donghae’s proposition.
This calculation is figured out over several days of idle thought and careful observation of Siwon’s behaviour around Sungmin and Hyukjae. Most of the observation is useless, considering how Siwon is so genuinely nice to everyone else. The only time he gets a temper on is when someone tells him his acting is crappy or mentions that his singing sounded like a bull bellowing in a field. With anything more personal than work, he wears his polite gentlemanly expression that charms and misdirects. It fools everyone.
Everyone except Donghae, who waits for his chance.
Donghae waits and rehearses what he’s going to say. He doesn’t know whether to appeal to Siwon’s vanity the way Jade did, or if he should just come out and say what’s on his mind. Then he thinks of the six months or so that Sungmin and Hyukjae spent arsing around in the interests of being clever and decides there’s no way in hell he’s going to waste that much time on the pursuit of Siwon. Not when there are easier targets. He almost quits right then, but then he remembers the bruises and Siwon’s sexy mouth and most of all he remembers Siwon saying that Sungmin fucked him, and it’s really the latter that decides it. If Sungmin got to fuck that, then Donghae wants a crack at it, too.
That’s what being in Super Junior is about. Sharing with one another.
The opportunity comes a couple of days later. Siwon wants a gym partner, which usually means he wants someone to look like a sweaty, dishevelled mess in contrast to his attractively rumpled, healthy-glow appearance. Donghae goes along in a tracksuit and baggy old t-shirt and runs on the treadmill while Siwon lifts weights just long enough for his muscles to plump up and for his tight black vest to get pleasantly damp and clingy.
Women and a few men observe from a distance and flutter when Siwon gets up from the bench, all slender waist and broad shoulders and deep chest and long legs. He studiously ignores the admiration and picks up a water bottle, takes a long draught from it, and holds the pose a second too long for it to be natural.
Donghae snorts. He continues on the treadmill. After a moment, Siwon comes over to him. “Are you finished?”
“At the end of this.” Donghae nods at the TV screen showing a Black Eyed Peas video. He doesn’t give a shit about the song, but it won’t hurt for Siwon to wait for him.
Siwon gives him a bright smile. “Okay. See you in the changing room.”
Donghae dawdles until the song ends. He gets off the treadmill and watches half of the next video, stretching out his legs. Only then does he go to join Siwon. Adrenalin pumps through him and his heart races. It feels like desire, and he’s high on it as he bursts into the changing room.
Siwon is dressed, zipped up inside a fleecy top, looking cuddly now rather than sexy. He’s reading a magazine. He’s laid out Donghae’s towel and change of clothes. Donghae pauses, thrown by the gesture. Siwon glances up from the magazine and smiles. He looks so cute and adorable that Donghae doesn’t know what to do with himself. He falls back on his favourite maxim: When in doubt, talk.
“Dude,” Donghae is annoyed by how out of breath he sounds, “you know you want to sleep with me.”
It’s surely the biggest non-sequitur of all time, but Siwon just lifts his eyebrows in a quizzical fashion. “Really, I don’t.”
“I’m great in bed.”
The hint of another smile tickles at the corner of Siwon’s mouth. He looks a little smug now. “So am I.”
Donghae crosses the room and grabs the towel, slings it around his neck, and adopts a commanding yet seductive pose. “All the more reason for us to fuck!”
Siwon stares, very sombre and earnest. “No.”
“You’re no fun.” Donghae rubs at his hair, then drops the towel to pull his sodden t-shirt over his head. He accidentally on purpose knocks the fresh change of clothes onto the floor and bends down. Of course he doesn’t have a body as immaculately ripped as Siwon’s, but Donghae is proud of the way he looks and he’s going to flaunt it.
Siwon returns to his magazine. It must be a really interesting article.
Donghae decides against having a shower. Instead he takes his time changing his tracksuit bottoms for a pair of jeans that hug his ass and thighs. Siwon doesn’t look up. Donghae fusses with the clean t-shirt, manages to drop it again. This time it wasn’t deliberate. It’s because he’s annoyed, damn it.
He sits beside Siwon. “Why won’t you sleep with me?”
Siwon’s attention remains on the magazine article. “What kind of person would I be if I went from one lover to the next that easily?”
“I dunno,” Donghae says with a shrug. “You’d be tired? You’d be lucky? What do you want me to say?”
Siwon gives an infinitesimal sigh. “I’d be loose.”
“Well, you don’t need to bottom all the time, and there’s probably things you could do, exercises, I mean, that-”
The magazine almost slides off Siwon’s lap before he grabs it, his body contorting in a sudden sharp fit. He makes a weird choking noise, and Donghae realises it’s laughter. “Loose morals.”
“That’s what I meant!” Donghae uses outrage to backpedal. “Oh my God, you have such a dirty mind. I meant you could pray afterwards. Ask forgiveness. Why are you so perverted?” He casts Siwon a look of mock disgust and pulls on the clean t-shirt.
Siwon puts his hands over his face and rocks forward, his shoulders shaking and laughter spilling out of him. He laughs until he leans against Donghae, and then he makes a soft, sobbing exhalation and giggles silently, his body quivering.
It’s disturbingly hot. Donghae slings an arm around him and nuzzles into Siwon’s sweat-streaked, artfully tousled hair. “C’mon, Wonnie. Sleep with me.”
Maybe his bedroom voice needs work, because rather than melt against him, Siwon straightens and puts space between them on the bench. The hilarity has gone from his face, though amusement still lingers in his eyes. “You’re not my type.”
“Type?” Donghae repeats, wondering. “You don’t have a type. That’s bullshit.”
Siwon puts his head to one side and regards him with twinkling patience. “Sungmin is my type. You’re not.”
“Dude. You saying I’m ugly?”
“Donghae.” Siwon puts down the magazine and looks at him. “You’re handsome. Is that what you need to hear? Good. You’re a handsome man. But you’re not Sungmin.”
“I’m handsomer than Minnie.”
Siwon ponders. “Maybe. But Sungmin is beautiful and sweet-natured and kind-hearted and careful and hardworking and-”
“I’m those things, too!” Donghae protests. “Some of them. Two of them. I work hard! I’m kind!”
“You’re not kind to me,” Siwon says, straight-faced and serious.
“I’m offering to sleep with you, how much kinder could I be?”
Siwon sighs and gets to his feet, tucking the magazine into his gym bag. “I appreciate it. Honestly, I do. But I don’t want to go to bed with you.”
Donghae ignores the sting of rejection. “Your loss.”
Siwon swings the bag over his shoulder. He smiles as he walks backwards to the door. “So you keep saying. I’ll learn to live with the disappointment.”
Jumping up, Donghae stretches out his arms in a dramatic gesture. “Why, when you don’t have to be disappointed? I’ve got it all here for you, baby!”
Siwon hurries out of the changing room. The door bangs shut, cutting off the sound of his hooting laughter.
Donghae sits back down. He’s not too dismayed. Some people just need time before they realise what’s good for them.
* * *
Donghae tries again four and a half days later. Not that he’s counting. Not that this is part of his plan or anything. It’s just a coincidence that he’s arrived at the dance studio at the same time as Siwon. The kind of coincidence that involved him overhearing Hyukjae offer to help Siwon with the new routine they’re supposed to be learning. It wasn’t too hard to convince Hyukjae that his assistance was unnecessary and that he should spend his free time doing something else instead.
Siwon gives Donghae a politely baffled look. “Where’s Hyukjae?”
“He has better things to do.” Donghae sheds his jacket and baseball cap and begins to warm up. “I told him to take Minnie on a proper date. He took Jade on dates, sort of, so why can’t he take Minnie? They’re going for lunch somewhere pretentious and expensive and then they’re going to a musical.”
“Oh.” Siwon’s gaze slides past Donghae and fixes on an invisible point. He stares at nothing, his jaw tight for a moment, then he visibly forces himself to relax; bends over to change his shoes. When he stands up straight again, he’s smiling. “We should get on with it, then.”
Donghae isn’t going to say anything now. That would be foolish. They’re here to work, after all, and besides, Siwon is always more malleable once he’s achieved something.
They spend the next three hours dancing. When he dances, Donghae can slip free of his body, allows instinct to dictate his moves. He dances to an inner rhythm, dances from his hips; a natural beat unspoiled by years of trying to fit in and move like everyone else. He goes his own way, melding to the rest of the group seamlessly enough, but his flow is different.
He doesn’t need to practice this dance. He can perform it in his sleep. Instead he watches Siwon in the mirror-lined wall of the studio, notes where he loses time and where he blurs his movements, and helps him with timing and definition. The management gives Siwon some leeway when it comes to dancing because of his other commitments, but Donghae knows that Siwon feels guilty over this. Silly, really: no one can be in two places at the same time.
Donghae calls a halt five minutes into the fourth hour. He turns off the music and sits on the floor cross-legged, leaning back on his hands. Siwon lies flat on the floorboards and stares at the ceiling. He doesn’t look happy. He hasn’t looked happy since he got here. Donghae doesn’t think it has anything to do with his teaching ability.
A more sensitive friend would enquire in a subtle way what was wrong. No; a more sensitive friend would already know what was wrong. Donghae considers the possibilities, deduces it could be anything, and says, “I hope you’ve been thinking about my offer.”
Siwon turns his head. “What was that again?”
Donghae sighs. “Siwon. You are not that much of an idiot. Although,” he adds, “you are somewhat of an idiot if you keep insisting on turning me down. My patience is limited.”
The ghost of a smile flits over Siwon’s mouth. His eyebrows twitch upwards. “This is why I don’t want to sleep with you.”
“Because I’m impatient?”
Now there’s definitely a smile brewing. Siwon returns his attention to the ceiling. “Impatient people are bad lovers.”
Donghae snorts. “I’m a really good lover. Ask Minnie.”
Siwon pauses, then says, “He said you were a pervert.”
“What?” Donghae pushes off from his hands and brings his knees together, rocking forward in protest. “I am not!”
Siwon gives him a deceptively innocent look. “You had sex with a man who was dressed as a woman. That’s a little bit perverted.”
“It was not! She was-he was-” Donghae flails for a moment until he realises that Siwon is laughing at him. “Bastard.” He scoots across the floor and shoves Siwon’s thigh with his foot. Donghae pretends to sulk for a few seconds longer, which makes Siwon chuckle some more. That’s better. Siwon looks happier now. Donghae congratulates himself on always knowing the right thing to say to bring joy to his friends.
“Look,” he says, returning to the main subject, “if you’re worried about it becoming an emotional thing,” he uses air quotation marks around the last two words, “then you needn’t be concerned. We can be mature and sensible about this. We don’t have to get messed up like Hyukkie and Minnie.”
Siwon stares at him. “They’re not messed up. They’re in love.”
“Yeah, same difference. I’m not into all that shit.” Donghae realises that must’ve sounded wrong when he sees the startled disbelief on Siwon’s face, so he adds, “But I can totally get into it if it’d make you feel better about putting out.”
Siwon turns his head and bites his lip. It looks like he’s trying hard not to laugh. Again. After a moment he clears his throat and faces Donghae, mouth trembling and eyes shining with suppressed mirth. “Let me get this straight-you’re willing to tell me you love me just so I’ll sleep with you?”
“Yes,” Donghae says, then when Siwon curls up and dissolves into laughter, he stamps his foot on the floor and amends his statement: “No! Dude, don’t try to trick me, that’s not nice. You know I love you. I love all of you guys. Just not in a gay way.”
Siwon wipes at his eyes. “You want to sleep with me and it’s not gay?”
Donghae huffs. “Bro, chill. It’s just sex. Hot, meaningless sex.”
Pulling himself upright, Siwon gives Donghae a strange, almost painful look. “Is that what you think I wanted from Sungmin?”
“No.” Donghae holds his gaze. He has no fucking clue what Siwon wanted from Minnie, but he recognises that this is getting close to serious. And because he’s not comfortable with serious, because he’s not ready for serious, he says, “But it’s why you should do it with me. Because I really only want you for your body.”
There’s a long silence. Awkward. Drawn-out. Donghae wonders if he’s gone too far. Then he figures there’s no point in getting all bashful now, not when they’re digging into the heart of the matter, so he blurts out, “C’mon, it’s not like you were serious about Minnie. If you were, you wouldn’t have given up so easily.”
Siwon looks wounded. He takes a sharp breath, a flash of raw emotion in his eyes.
Donghae leans forward, presses his advantage. “Admit it-you just don’t like being second best.”
He doesn’t expect Siwon’s reaction. Doesn’t expect him to shut down, to lock down so completely, features shuttered and tight as he springs to his feet. He says nothing, doesn’t even look in Donghae’s direction. He pulls on his sweatshirt and grabs his stuff and strides for the door, stiff and almost martial in his movements.
“You won’t be second best with me,” Donghae shouts after him. “I won’t do that to you. I won’t.”
* * *
A week passes. Donghae counts the days. A week in which Siwon doesn’t exactly avoid him, but they only seem to meet when other people are present. Siwon is a little more formal than usual, a little more brittle, but only with Donghae.
Ryeowook, of course, notices.
“What did you do?” he asks, deploying his usual tactic of demanding answers whilst in the middle of preparing Donghae’s favourite meal. From past experience, Donghae knows that his refusal to reply will see the food presented with a caring smile to some less-deserving member of the group.
“Haven’t done anything,” Donghae says, quite truthfully.
Ryeowook gives him a narrow-eyed stare. “What did you say?”
Donghae hesitates just long enough for Ryeowook to reach for the star anise. Donghae hates too much star anise in his food. But Heechul likes it. The threat of losing his dinner to Heechul is too much. Donghae says, “Nothing. I didn’t say anything. Just... I thought maybe I could help Siwon get over Sungmin.”
Ryeowook abandons the star anise and gives Donghae a droll look. “Define ‘help’.”
“Um.” Donghae leans on the kitchen bench. “I offered to sleep with him. I made several offers, actually.”
Ryeowook nods, adds Sichuan pepper and a pinch of sugar to the mixture. Stirs. He seems thoughtful, but then he always looks thoughtful when he cooks. Donghae tucks one foot behind the other and leans a little closer. Strangely, he wants Ryeowook’s approval. He’s not sure why, though it probably has something to do with the fact that he can’t discuss this with Hyukjae. Well, he could try, but he doubts Hyukkie would pay him any attention. In the absence of his best friend, he’s willing to settle for wisdom from the kitchen god.
When Ryeowook doesn’t immediately share his thoughts out loud, Donghae nudges him. “Dude. Talk to me.”
“You’re pursuing Siwon,” Ryeowook says.
Donghae rolls his eyes. Hasn’t he just said that? “Yes.”
Ryeowook gives him a brief, amused look. “You’re an idiot.”
“What?” So much for the kitchen god’s sagacity. “Why am I-”
“Come back in an hour,” Ryeowook says. “Be smart, Hae.”
It’s a dismissal. Donghae goes to his room and puzzles over the exchange. He makes a note of the time. Continues puzzling over Ryeowook’s advice, thinks about Siwon, thinks about Hyukjae and Sungmin and Jade and Siwon again. The hour creeps on. When it’s up, he gives it another few minutes just for the hell of it then goes back to the kitchen.
Ryeowook is nowhere to be seen, but Siwon is sitting at the table reading a script covered in scrawled annotations. There’s a cup of coffee in front of him. Fresh coffee, the scent rich in the air and the machine still sputtering on the bench. He can’t have been here above ten minutes.
Siwon glances up as Donghae approaches. His expression goes from welcoming to wary. “I still don’t want to sleep with you.”
Be smart, Ryeowook told him. Donghae doesn’t know if he’s about to do the smart thing or not, but he figures he has nothing to lose. “That’s good, because I don’t want to sleep with you, either.”
Wariness turns to bafflement. Siwon’s eyebrows lift. “Oh?”
Donghae warms to his new approach. “I’ve realised the error of my ways. I mean, why the hell am I wasting my time on you? Only losers pine after things they can’t have. I’ve dedicated weeks of my life to your ego, trying to make you feel better-”
Siwon dips his head, bites his lip, and makes a funny sort of snort, like he’s trying not to laugh. His shoulders quiver. He puts a hand over his mouth then looks up, all wide-eyed innocence. Donghae wishes he wouldn’t do that. He looks way too appealing.
“Dude.” Donghae adopts a casual pose, hands on hips, and mock-glares. “Do not be laughing at my generosity. You know you were heartbroken when Sungmin chose ugly boy over you...”
Siwon’s eyes widen even further. “I was not heartbroken. Disappointed, maybe. But not heartbroken. Definitely not.”
Donghae sweeps this aside with an extravagant gesture. “I was there for you in your time of need! And what thanks do I get? Nothing. Not even a blowjob. Man, I’d have settled for a hand job, even. You have big hands. Bigger than mine. That’s kinda hot and gives me ideas. But no, you were just plain ungrateful. That’s like a sin, you know.”
Now Siwon is gazing at him, big dark eyes sombre. “I do appreciate it, Hae. Truly. Your methods are unorthodox, but it helped put things in perspective.”
That throws him just a little. “Right.” Donghae flounders with uncertainty, tries to regain the upper hand. Wonders if he ever had it. “Like I said. I’m not going to pay you any attention any more. I’m not gonna flirt with you or flatter you or anything. Life’s too short, bro. This fish is going to seek another stream to get wet in.”
Siwon snorts. “I can see what you’re doing.”
“I’m not doing anything,” Donghae declares. “Just telling it like it is. I’m so over you, Wonnie.” He delivers this last line with panache, snaps his fingers for additional emphasis, then spins on his heel and wanders off.
He turns back when he hears a strangled noise. It almost sounds like laughter, but when he looks, Siwon is holding the script up to his face and seems completely absorbed in his reading.
* * *
“This is only happening because I’m drunk,” Siwon says for the fifth time. Or maybe it’s the ninth time. Donghae gave up counting when they got through the front door. He’s sure Siwon has declared his drunkenness at least twice between them making out in hasty, clumsy fashion in the hallway at the same time as they were trying to remove their shoes-an awkward and not entirely satisfactory combination of lust and necessity-and ending up here in Siwon’s bedroom.
“You’re not drunk,” Donghae assures him. He’s seen Siwon drunk on several occasions, all maudlin and clingy, and while he’s clingy now, all right, it’s not the same. No, it’s loads better, because Siwon is doing an extremely convincing impersonation of bindweed wrapping itself around Donghae’s body, and while it feels just very slightly aggressive, Siwon’s gazing at him with a hazy, befuddled, and far too adorable expression.
Donghae almost feels guilty for taking advantage, except he’s fairly certain this is an act. Convinced of it, he challenges Siwon: “You had, like, two beers. When did you turn into such a lightweight?”
Siwon bats at him, turns the gesture into an idle caress through Donghae’s hair and down the side of his cheek. “I’m drunk, okay? I’m drunk and I won’t remember any of this in the morning.”
Donghae snuffles with laughter and turns his face into the touch. Siwon’s palm is warm. He licks it. Smiles triumphantly and says, “You’re just ashamed of your own desires, bro. You don’t want to admit you can’t keep your hands off me. It’s okay. I can’t keep my hands off myself sometimes.”
Siwon gives him a weird look. “I did not need to know that.”
“Dude. Self-love is a legitimate form of sexual expression.”
Siwon laughs. He looks gorgeous when he’s relaxed. Not that he isn’t stupidly good-looking all the damn time, but when he relaxes, when he smiles, when the expression in his eyes is alight with-with whatever the hell kind of emotion he’s feeling right now, it’s Donghae’s opinion that Siwon is absolutely fucking gorgeous. And absolutely fucking fuckable, which sounds stupid, but Donghae doesn’t care. Not when he’s got Siwon pressed up against him, tipsy but definitely not drunk, playful but entirely self-aware.
This wasn’t how he’d expected the evening to end. It was all Hyukjae’s idea, a repeat of the night they tried to play the bet, only this time without the bet and with Minnie dressed in jeans and a t-shirt rather than Jade’s clothes. And of course it had been a superlatively boring night, with Hyukkie and Minnie all sort of glowy around each other, and touching at every opportunity-nothing perverted, but possessive, like they thought the other would vanish if they weren’t touching.
At first Donghae had felt smug about his part in engendering such happiness, then he felt disgruntled, then faintly jealous. Then he remembered that if he was feeling jealous, then Siwon must be tormented by it, but when Donghae looked over in some concern, Siwon seemed genuinely pleased and not at all bothered.
Which was only to be expected, really, because hadn’t Siwon said just the other day that Donghae had helped him put things into perspective? Yeah. Obviously Siwon now had so much perspective he was completely over his weird crush on Sungmin.
Donghae knew he should feel proud of this accomplishment, but instead he just felt deflated. He’d sat in a corner and watched everyone else not drink very much-seriously, what kind of crap night out was this?-and then, when Hyukkie and Minnie had announced they were going home at not even midnight, Donghae wondered if he and Siwon could at least get in some serious drinking.
Instead Siwon had held out his hand and said, “Come home with me.”
And Donghae had said-he can’t believe he was this slow-he’d said, “Why?”
To which Siwon had given him one of those owlish looks and then he’d laughed and laughed and called Donghae a dork.
Donghae is not a dork. Sometimes he’s a bit slow. But that’s only because he’s usually way ahead of everyone else and he has to back up and wait for them, and it can take him unawares when everyone else finally does catch up. And if Siwon kissed him first, it was only because Donghae was being polite, because you don’t just lunge at people randomly. You wait for a sign, some kind of invitation, but having said that, Donghae supposes he’s been sending out invitations for the past few weeks, so he really couldn’t complain when Siwon started RSVPing.
Besides, Siwon’s kisses are very nice. Donghae made sure he got plenty on the way from the front door to the bedroom, and now they’re on the bed, Donghae continues seeking them out, clambering half on top of Siwon in an entirely accidental display of dominance.
“I’m only doing this to shut you up,” Siwon says between kisses. “I couldn’t stand it any longer. You’ve worn me down.”
Donghae snorts. “Nah, it was because I told you I’d gone off the idea. Reverse psychology or something. It totally worked!”
Siwon starts laughing again. The sound is addictive, and Donghae joins in, both of them laughing like idiots until Siwon drags him down and kisses him again, hot and wild and with a curl of merriment still joining them. Donghae chuckles into the kiss, melts into it-yeah, even though melting is kind of a girly thing to do, but this is Choi Siwon he’s melting into, so it’s okay-and they grind against each other, all hard and aching and ripe, and Donghae pulls back, lips stinging from the force of the kiss, and he gasp-says, “Do I get to fuck you now?”
With a very neat twist, eyes gleaming, Siwon reverses their positions and rolls on top of him. “I was thinking we might try it this way instead.”
Donghae wriggles. Desire jack-knifes through him. He’s not in complete control of his voice when he says, “No, dude. The deal was for me to fuck you.”
“It’s good to try new things.” Siwon looks very serious now, but there’s a suspicion of laughter behind his sombre expression.
“New things,” Donghae repeats without much understanding of what he’s saying. His concentration is locked onto the sight of Siwon kneeling up and stripping off his clothes. Yeah, yeah, seen it all before, etcetera, but not this close and certainly not this personal, and the effect is devastating. Donghae squirms to rid himself of his own garments, but he’s feeling a bit off-balance and so he lets Siwon do it instead. And from there it’s just one small step to the inevitable, and let’s be honest, who the hell cares when you have a hot, naked, and very aroused man on top of you?
“Okay,” says Donghae, breathless. “Okay, let’s do it. Get inside me and let’s fuck already. The quicker you do me, the quicker I get to screw you.”
“Oh, Hae,” Siwon whispers in his ear, all fluttery-like, “you’re so romantic.”
“Twat,” Donghae grouses, then catches his breath at heat and pressure and the sheer unexpectedness of it. “Oh, fuck. When did you get so big?”
Siwon shakes with laughter. Even though his ass kind of hurts in a weird way right now, Donghae is pleased about the laughter. Sex without laughter is a waste of fucking time. Literally.
* * *
Donghae has always found it difficult to squash his excitement over certain events. Christmas, for example. Every year he wakes up early on Christmas morning and revels in the thrill of anticipation. It’s not so much that he knows-or thinks he knows-what he’ll receive as gifts. It’s not even the thought of his family and friends gathered around. It’s the potential the morning offers, so many possibilities, so many opportunities for him to take.
This morning he wakes up with one arm resting on Siwon’s back, their legs tangled together, and the duvet a scrumpled heap draped diagonally over the bed. Donghae blinks at the glorious expanse of naked man next to him and feels like every single one of his Christmases has come at once. And just because he wants to jump up and down on the bed to express his delight, he refrains from doing so. Instead he inches across the mattress into his own space and whisper-swears when something sharp pokes his thigh. Investigation reveals it to be a condom still in its foil wrapper. Obviously he’s lost his touch, leaving one unused. He sweeps it under the duvet and finds another three unopened condoms lurking there. He adjusts his thinking. Siwon clearly bulk-buys.
Not even that can dent his excitement. He pulls the duvet over his head to muffle an already silent shout of glee. Man, he is so fucking cool. He totally scored last night. He focuses his internal triumphant strutting on the reality of I fucked Siwon. Maybe he should have more problems with the other reality of But Siwon fucked me first, but he doesn’t. Good sex is good sex, whichever way you look at it, and Donghae knows it was good. He knew it’d be good right from the start. Wasn’t that why he’d spent all this time persuading Siwon to give him the opportunity? Really, Siwon should be grateful at such dedication.
Donghae wriggles with pleasure. It makes his body ache in unfamiliar ways. It also gives him a mammoth hard-on. He lies still and ponders his next move. One, he takes care of himself quietly. Two, he wakes Siwon up with it. Three, he goes to the bathroom and lets it subside naturally. Four, he-
The duvet is whipped away and Siwon looks down at him. All of him. “Hello,” says Siwon, all throaty, managing to make a simple greeting sound really fucking dirty.
Surprise has the effect of lessening Donghae’s early-morning ardour. He pulls the quilt back up, not quite shy but not entirely ready to be over-confident, either. “Hi.”
Siwon flops back onto the mattress and stuffs an extra pillow beneath his head. He looks watchful, and for an awful moment Donghae wonders if two beers were enough to wipe Siwon’s memory after all and if he really doesn’t remember anything.
“Wow,” Siwon says, then pauses. “I was drunk last night, huh?”
Donghae sits up in shock. “Two beers. Two lousy fucking beers. You can’t-”
Siwon gives him a wicked glance and laughs. “I remember. Honestly, Hae. I remember everything.”
“You should.” Donghae smacks Siwon’s thigh, not quite ready to forgive that little joke just yet. “I was pretty good, wasn’t I? In fact, I was amazing. That probably ranks up there in my top five performances, and I mean in bed and on a live stage, that’s how good it was. And I was generous, too. Unbelievably generous. I mean, not everyone gets to tap this fish, you know what I’m saying?”
Siwon considers him for a moment. “Are you always like this the morning after?”
Donghae thinks. “Yeah, pretty much.”
Face utterly straight, Siwon says, “You know how you get confused when they never want to see you again...?”
It takes a second for that to sink in, and then Donghae jumps on Siwon in mock outrage. They wrestle for a bit, but there’s no heat in it, no real effort, and eventually they settle with the quilt partially wrapped around them and Donghae still on top of Siwon. In the basking silence, Donghae says, “It was good, though, wasn’t it?”
“Actually...” There’s a long, long pause in which Donghae dies a thousand deaths, and then Siwon’s expression softens and he smiles. “Yes. Yes, it was.”
Donghae kisses him. It seems like a suitably mushy thing to do at a time like this, and anyway, as he discovered last night, he likes kissing Siwon. They carry on kissing until the alarm on Siwon’s phone starts ringing, and about ten seconds later, Donghae’s goes off, too, and they both go sprawling in opposite directions across the bed in an attempt to locate their respective phones and silence them.
“I’ve got to-” Siwon begins.
“Magazine interview,” Donghae explains at the same time.
“-go to a read-through,” Siwon finishes.
“And my manager’s expecting me,” Donghae completes his own sentence.
They look at each other. Laugh. End up kissing again. Another alarm goes off, and Siwon chucks his phone across the room.
“I really have to go,” Donghae says.
“Me, too.” Siwon puts one foot out of bed.
This is not a good example of getting up. Someone has to take the initiative. Donghae rolls from the mattress and drags the duvet with him, depositing it in the middle of the floor. Siwon sits up and complains. Donghae ignores him, digs under the quilt in search of his scattered clothes, and gets dressed.
“So,” he says brightly, his t-shirt on inside out, “same time next week?”
Siwon gives him a really sweet smile. “How about the same time tomorrow?”
“Dude.” Donghae knows he has the biggest, dorkiest grin right now, but he doesn’t care. “I’m fucking awesome-and also, I’m obviously awesome at fucking.”
Siwon ducks his head, blushing. When he straightens up, he declares that Donghae is a jerk and throws a pillow at him.
It misses.
Donghae laughs all the way downstairs.
Fandom: SJM RPS
Pairing: Donghae/Siwon
Rating: R
Summary: Donghae is curious. Siwon has no intention of satisfying that curiosity. At least, not yet.
Notes: A side story for the Counting Backwards series. Partially overlaps the events of The Square Root of Four.
Tangents
The fast food restaurant is cheap and junky and serves the kind of shit that has salad only as a throwaway garnish. Ryeowook declares in his quiet, over-dramatic way that he would rather die than eat in such a place, and their little refugee group splits up, Jongwoon wandering after Ryeowook while Siwon agrees to eat calorie-laden crap. At least, Donghae takes it as agreement, since Siwon follows him into the restaurant and sits down in a booth near the window.
Donghae places their order without reference to Siwon. Their drinks arrive first, rattling with too many ice cubes, the cheap waxed paper cups beading with moisture. Donghae collects a few bendy straws and a handful of paper napkins and carries the drinks over to the table.
“You’ve ordered?” Siwon looks resigned rather than surprised. “You always do that. You should ask people what they want first. I wanted chicken wings.”
“I ordered your damn chicken wings already,” Donghae lies. “It’s not like you eat anything else here. Remember to put two straws in my drink.”
Siwon tears at the wrappers and mutters something about Donghae being six years old, but he slides two straws through the lid of the cup anyway. Donghae nods, goes back to the counter, and orders chicken wings.
The server dumps the food on a tray, and Donghae takes it, balancing it on one hand and stuffing a couple of blistering-hot French fries into his mouth. They burn his tongue, but he doesn’t care. The flavour is worth it. There’s nothing like junk food straight from the fryer.
He slides the tray onto the table. “Chicken wings,” he says around another mouthful of fries. “What did I tell you?” He nudges the box towards Siwon and sits down opposite, pausing only long enough to take off his shades and to push the baseball cap further back on his head. He folds the shades into the front of his t-shirt. Yeah, he looks cool, styling with his bulgogi burger and with his fries dipping into the miniscule tub of teriyaki sauce.
Siwon makes a sound that just might be a snort of derision, but then he opens the box of chicken wings and gets this beatific smile, and Donghae feels a righteous glow of satisfaction. Sometimes it’s the little things that bring pleasure.
They eat in companionable silence. Donghae finishes the bulgogi burger and shrimp burger in quick succession. Now his initial hunger is sated, he grazes on the remainder of his fries, poking his index finger into the corners of the bag to pick out the crispy oddments. His thoughts trip from one thing to the next, but always circle back to Hyukjae and Sungmin.
“Bet we don’t see Jade again,” he says.
“Hmm?” Siwon is still eating the chicken wings. He holds them by his fingertips and nibbles at them delicately. He’s such a gentleman when he eats. That’s well and good when they’re at some fancy restaurant with fine dining, but fairly useless here where the food congeals when it gets cold and sticks greasily to the paper wrappers.
“Jade,” says Donghae, resisting the urge to steal some of Siwon’s fries before they shrivel and die. “I bet Hyukjae won’t let Minnie dress up any more. Shame, huh. Jade was hot.”
Siwon gives him a long, measuring look. “If you say so.” He pushes the mound of fries to the centre of the table. “Please help yourself.”
“Thanks, bro.” Donghae fiddles with them. Siwon picks up his drink, lips pursed around the straw, throat moving as he swallows. Heat flash-burns through Donghae, surprising and not entirely unwelcome. He shifts in his seat and drops his gaze, stabs a fry into the teriyaki sauce. Looks up again.
Siwon’s mouth is really sexy, even more bud-like when it’s pouted around that fucking straw. Donghae wonders if Siwon gave Sungmin a blowjob last night. The thought is compelling and all too easy to imagine. He remembers Jade’s mouth on his cock, remembers Hyukjae sucking him off, both of them on him together, and he drops the fry and lifts a knee awkwardly, trying to make space for his hard-on. Great, getting a boner in a public place. He looks away from Siwon’s mouth and stares out of the window at the people passing by outside until his erection subsides.
“Wonder if they’ve made up yet,” he says.
Siwon wiggles the straw in his cup, stirring the melting ice cubes. “Maybe.”
“What if they don’t?” Donghae glances at him. “What will you do?”
The ice cubes batter against the walls of the cup. Siwon removes the bendy straw and looks at it before stabbing it back through the plastic lid. He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
It’s not a satisfactory answer. Donghae gets up from his side of the table and sits beside Siwon, hemming him in against the window. Siwon gives him a perplexed look. Donghae perches side-on and stares at Siwon’s shirt. It’s done up now, quite proper, a little too proper, actually, and so Donghae reaches out and unfastens the top few buttons, loosens the collar.
Now he can see the bruises, a staggered stripe of love-bites starting just beneath Siwon’s jaw then curving back over the tendon and down to his collarbone. Some are just delicate shadows; others had more force to their creation, the skin purple-striated. Donghae admires them. Puts out a hand and presses his fingertips against them.
Siwon makes a low, shocked sound and jerks his head away, pushing Donghae back at the same time. “Personal space,” Siwon says, “do you even know what that is?”
Donghae knows, but he doesn’t much care for it. “You really slept with Minnie.” His astonishment rises with his voice. “You let him fuck you.”
Siwon grabs him, twists a hand into the front of his t-shirt. His temper flares, his eyes going wide and dark with a flash of furious intensity. “Talk a little louder, I don’t think those people by the door heard you.”
“No, no. Sorry, bro. I didn’t mean to over-share or anything.” Donghae yanks his t-shirt from Siwon’s grasp and smoothes down the fabric, ignoring his anger. “I thought you’d go for Jade. I really did.”
“You have such a low opinion of my intelligence?” Siwon shoots him a look of indignation. “I knew she was Sungmin the moment you brought her-him-in.”
“You did, huh.” Donghae steals another French fry and helps himself to one of the two remaining chicken wings. “Why didn’t you say anything, then?”
Siwon rolls his eyes and gives a long-suffering sigh. “Why would I want to embarrass Sungmin like that? Besides, I was curious. I wondered what on earth was going on. Weren’t you the same, the first time you met Jade?”
“Actually...” Donghae thinks back to when he invited himself along on Hyukjae’s date night. The memory gives him a little frisson. “Actually, I was kind of appalled. Like, dude, what the fuck-you know? I thought Hyukkie didn’t want me to meet his real girlfriend so he’d got Minnie to dress up. But then I got into it. What they were doing. Why they were doing it. Why Minnie was doing it, anyway. Hyukjae’s just an idiot sometimes.”
Siwon finishes the last of the chicken wings. He picks up a napkin and dabs at his lips, cleans his fingers. “I heard just how much you got into it.”
Donghae thinks he catches the suggestion of disapproval in Siwon’s. “Bro,” he says, defending himself, “like you can talk. At least I did it with Jade. Yeah, with Hyukkie, too, but only because she was there. I mean, she started it. And it was hot. Really fucking hot.”
He pauses because Siwon has twisted around on the bench and is staring at him, and when Siwon is wearing that expression of morally outraged naivety, it always makes Donghae want to laugh. He doesn’t laugh, though. Instead he says, “I’d have done it again, if they’d asked me. That’s how hot it was.”
Siwon purses his lips and reaches for his drink. He sloshes it around in the cup for a moment then puts it down. “You’re incorrigible.”
It’s Donghae’s turn to shrug. “I just know what I like.” He pauses, gives Siwon a sly look. “While we’re on the subject... you and Minnie. Not going to lie, bro, I was surprised.”
“Hae.” Siwon frowns, looks mulish. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I always thought-actually, I didn’t, because that’d be kind of weird,” Donghae wrinkles his nose, “but just hypothetically, if I had thought about it before, I’d have imagined you’d be on top in that sort of situation.”
Siwon ducks his head. He’s blushing. “Well.”
“So,” Donghae puts his elbows on the table and his chin on his fists and stares at him, “you gotta tell me. Was it good for you?”
Siwon goes redder. Even his ears are blushing. “Donghae.”
“I’m curious!”
“Be curious about something else.” Siwon pulls the heap of French fries back towards him. Taking four, he stuffs them into his mouth and chews. A look of tragedy veils his expression. He winces, swallows, his face screwed up. “These are disgusting.”
Donghae laughs. “Dude, they’ve gone cold. You shouldn’t have waited so long.”
Siwon sighs. “Yes, well,” he says, and pushes the rest of the food aside.
* * *
Donghae is an opportunist. He’s always been that way, taking what he could when he could, consuming it before it could get away from him. Food, opportunities, lovers-his philosophy is to grab it while he can and make the most of it, because nothing lasts forever and you can’t take it with you when you’re gone. As long as everyone involved knows what they’re in for, so long as no one gets hurt, what’s the problem?
As a philosophy, it’s served him well. It doesn’t always seem to work for other people, though. Some people seem immovable, or maybe they’re just ignorant, or they like to complicate things. Sungmin, for example. Now he’s complicated. Good job that Donghae isn’t interested any more. He’ll leave Sungmin to Hyukjae, who seems quite capable of understanding him these days-thanks to Donghae’s great ideas and personal assistance, of course.
Siwon, though. Siwon is a challenge. Donghae’s been thinking about him just a little too much recently. When he gets an itch, Donghae scratches it. Simple as that. He just needs to convince Siwon to go along with it.
Experience has taught Donghae that the best time to try his luck with someone is when they’re on the rebound. He has no idea how much Sungmin meant to Siwon, but he knows that Siwon doesn’t just sleep with anybody, and to give it up like that must’ve meant he was really keen on Minnie, really keen and really slow, because who just lets some other guy walk off with the person you were interested in? So Donghae thinks that Siwon may have been really keen but also maybe he wasn’t that keen, which means he’s on the rebound, kind of, but not so badly that his heart is breaking or anything, which makes him more likely to be amenable to Donghae’s proposition.
This calculation is figured out over several days of idle thought and careful observation of Siwon’s behaviour around Sungmin and Hyukjae. Most of the observation is useless, considering how Siwon is so genuinely nice to everyone else. The only time he gets a temper on is when someone tells him his acting is crappy or mentions that his singing sounded like a bull bellowing in a field. With anything more personal than work, he wears his polite gentlemanly expression that charms and misdirects. It fools everyone.
Everyone except Donghae, who waits for his chance.
Donghae waits and rehearses what he’s going to say. He doesn’t know whether to appeal to Siwon’s vanity the way Jade did, or if he should just come out and say what’s on his mind. Then he thinks of the six months or so that Sungmin and Hyukjae spent arsing around in the interests of being clever and decides there’s no way in hell he’s going to waste that much time on the pursuit of Siwon. Not when there are easier targets. He almost quits right then, but then he remembers the bruises and Siwon’s sexy mouth and most of all he remembers Siwon saying that Sungmin fucked him, and it’s really the latter that decides it. If Sungmin got to fuck that, then Donghae wants a crack at it, too.
That’s what being in Super Junior is about. Sharing with one another.
The opportunity comes a couple of days later. Siwon wants a gym partner, which usually means he wants someone to look like a sweaty, dishevelled mess in contrast to his attractively rumpled, healthy-glow appearance. Donghae goes along in a tracksuit and baggy old t-shirt and runs on the treadmill while Siwon lifts weights just long enough for his muscles to plump up and for his tight black vest to get pleasantly damp and clingy.
Women and a few men observe from a distance and flutter when Siwon gets up from the bench, all slender waist and broad shoulders and deep chest and long legs. He studiously ignores the admiration and picks up a water bottle, takes a long draught from it, and holds the pose a second too long for it to be natural.
Donghae snorts. He continues on the treadmill. After a moment, Siwon comes over to him. “Are you finished?”
“At the end of this.” Donghae nods at the TV screen showing a Black Eyed Peas video. He doesn’t give a shit about the song, but it won’t hurt for Siwon to wait for him.
Siwon gives him a bright smile. “Okay. See you in the changing room.”
Donghae dawdles until the song ends. He gets off the treadmill and watches half of the next video, stretching out his legs. Only then does he go to join Siwon. Adrenalin pumps through him and his heart races. It feels like desire, and he’s high on it as he bursts into the changing room.
Siwon is dressed, zipped up inside a fleecy top, looking cuddly now rather than sexy. He’s reading a magazine. He’s laid out Donghae’s towel and change of clothes. Donghae pauses, thrown by the gesture. Siwon glances up from the magazine and smiles. He looks so cute and adorable that Donghae doesn’t know what to do with himself. He falls back on his favourite maxim: When in doubt, talk.
“Dude,” Donghae is annoyed by how out of breath he sounds, “you know you want to sleep with me.”
It’s surely the biggest non-sequitur of all time, but Siwon just lifts his eyebrows in a quizzical fashion. “Really, I don’t.”
“I’m great in bed.”
The hint of another smile tickles at the corner of Siwon’s mouth. He looks a little smug now. “So am I.”
Donghae crosses the room and grabs the towel, slings it around his neck, and adopts a commanding yet seductive pose. “All the more reason for us to fuck!”
Siwon stares, very sombre and earnest. “No.”
“You’re no fun.” Donghae rubs at his hair, then drops the towel to pull his sodden t-shirt over his head. He accidentally on purpose knocks the fresh change of clothes onto the floor and bends down. Of course he doesn’t have a body as immaculately ripped as Siwon’s, but Donghae is proud of the way he looks and he’s going to flaunt it.
Siwon returns to his magazine. It must be a really interesting article.
Donghae decides against having a shower. Instead he takes his time changing his tracksuit bottoms for a pair of jeans that hug his ass and thighs. Siwon doesn’t look up. Donghae fusses with the clean t-shirt, manages to drop it again. This time it wasn’t deliberate. It’s because he’s annoyed, damn it.
He sits beside Siwon. “Why won’t you sleep with me?”
Siwon’s attention remains on the magazine article. “What kind of person would I be if I went from one lover to the next that easily?”
“I dunno,” Donghae says with a shrug. “You’d be tired? You’d be lucky? What do you want me to say?”
Siwon gives an infinitesimal sigh. “I’d be loose.”
“Well, you don’t need to bottom all the time, and there’s probably things you could do, exercises, I mean, that-”
The magazine almost slides off Siwon’s lap before he grabs it, his body contorting in a sudden sharp fit. He makes a weird choking noise, and Donghae realises it’s laughter. “Loose morals.”
“That’s what I meant!” Donghae uses outrage to backpedal. “Oh my God, you have such a dirty mind. I meant you could pray afterwards. Ask forgiveness. Why are you so perverted?” He casts Siwon a look of mock disgust and pulls on the clean t-shirt.
Siwon puts his hands over his face and rocks forward, his shoulders shaking and laughter spilling out of him. He laughs until he leans against Donghae, and then he makes a soft, sobbing exhalation and giggles silently, his body quivering.
It’s disturbingly hot. Donghae slings an arm around him and nuzzles into Siwon’s sweat-streaked, artfully tousled hair. “C’mon, Wonnie. Sleep with me.”
Maybe his bedroom voice needs work, because rather than melt against him, Siwon straightens and puts space between them on the bench. The hilarity has gone from his face, though amusement still lingers in his eyes. “You’re not my type.”
“Type?” Donghae repeats, wondering. “You don’t have a type. That’s bullshit.”
Siwon puts his head to one side and regards him with twinkling patience. “Sungmin is my type. You’re not.”
“Dude. You saying I’m ugly?”
“Donghae.” Siwon puts down the magazine and looks at him. “You’re handsome. Is that what you need to hear? Good. You’re a handsome man. But you’re not Sungmin.”
“I’m handsomer than Minnie.”
Siwon ponders. “Maybe. But Sungmin is beautiful and sweet-natured and kind-hearted and careful and hardworking and-”
“I’m those things, too!” Donghae protests. “Some of them. Two of them. I work hard! I’m kind!”
“You’re not kind to me,” Siwon says, straight-faced and serious.
“I’m offering to sleep with you, how much kinder could I be?”
Siwon sighs and gets to his feet, tucking the magazine into his gym bag. “I appreciate it. Honestly, I do. But I don’t want to go to bed with you.”
Donghae ignores the sting of rejection. “Your loss.”
Siwon swings the bag over his shoulder. He smiles as he walks backwards to the door. “So you keep saying. I’ll learn to live with the disappointment.”
Jumping up, Donghae stretches out his arms in a dramatic gesture. “Why, when you don’t have to be disappointed? I’ve got it all here for you, baby!”
Siwon hurries out of the changing room. The door bangs shut, cutting off the sound of his hooting laughter.
Donghae sits back down. He’s not too dismayed. Some people just need time before they realise what’s good for them.
* * *
Donghae tries again four and a half days later. Not that he’s counting. Not that this is part of his plan or anything. It’s just a coincidence that he’s arrived at the dance studio at the same time as Siwon. The kind of coincidence that involved him overhearing Hyukjae offer to help Siwon with the new routine they’re supposed to be learning. It wasn’t too hard to convince Hyukjae that his assistance was unnecessary and that he should spend his free time doing something else instead.
Siwon gives Donghae a politely baffled look. “Where’s Hyukjae?”
“He has better things to do.” Donghae sheds his jacket and baseball cap and begins to warm up. “I told him to take Minnie on a proper date. He took Jade on dates, sort of, so why can’t he take Minnie? They’re going for lunch somewhere pretentious and expensive and then they’re going to a musical.”
“Oh.” Siwon’s gaze slides past Donghae and fixes on an invisible point. He stares at nothing, his jaw tight for a moment, then he visibly forces himself to relax; bends over to change his shoes. When he stands up straight again, he’s smiling. “We should get on with it, then.”
Donghae isn’t going to say anything now. That would be foolish. They’re here to work, after all, and besides, Siwon is always more malleable once he’s achieved something.
They spend the next three hours dancing. When he dances, Donghae can slip free of his body, allows instinct to dictate his moves. He dances to an inner rhythm, dances from his hips; a natural beat unspoiled by years of trying to fit in and move like everyone else. He goes his own way, melding to the rest of the group seamlessly enough, but his flow is different.
He doesn’t need to practice this dance. He can perform it in his sleep. Instead he watches Siwon in the mirror-lined wall of the studio, notes where he loses time and where he blurs his movements, and helps him with timing and definition. The management gives Siwon some leeway when it comes to dancing because of his other commitments, but Donghae knows that Siwon feels guilty over this. Silly, really: no one can be in two places at the same time.
Donghae calls a halt five minutes into the fourth hour. He turns off the music and sits on the floor cross-legged, leaning back on his hands. Siwon lies flat on the floorboards and stares at the ceiling. He doesn’t look happy. He hasn’t looked happy since he got here. Donghae doesn’t think it has anything to do with his teaching ability.
A more sensitive friend would enquire in a subtle way what was wrong. No; a more sensitive friend would already know what was wrong. Donghae considers the possibilities, deduces it could be anything, and says, “I hope you’ve been thinking about my offer.”
Siwon turns his head. “What was that again?”
Donghae sighs. “Siwon. You are not that much of an idiot. Although,” he adds, “you are somewhat of an idiot if you keep insisting on turning me down. My patience is limited.”
The ghost of a smile flits over Siwon’s mouth. His eyebrows twitch upwards. “This is why I don’t want to sleep with you.”
“Because I’m impatient?”
Now there’s definitely a smile brewing. Siwon returns his attention to the ceiling. “Impatient people are bad lovers.”
Donghae snorts. “I’m a really good lover. Ask Minnie.”
Siwon pauses, then says, “He said you were a pervert.”
“What?” Donghae pushes off from his hands and brings his knees together, rocking forward in protest. “I am not!”
Siwon gives him a deceptively innocent look. “You had sex with a man who was dressed as a woman. That’s a little bit perverted.”
“It was not! She was-he was-” Donghae flails for a moment until he realises that Siwon is laughing at him. “Bastard.” He scoots across the floor and shoves Siwon’s thigh with his foot. Donghae pretends to sulk for a few seconds longer, which makes Siwon chuckle some more. That’s better. Siwon looks happier now. Donghae congratulates himself on always knowing the right thing to say to bring joy to his friends.
“Look,” he says, returning to the main subject, “if you’re worried about it becoming an emotional thing,” he uses air quotation marks around the last two words, “then you needn’t be concerned. We can be mature and sensible about this. We don’t have to get messed up like Hyukkie and Minnie.”
Siwon stares at him. “They’re not messed up. They’re in love.”
“Yeah, same difference. I’m not into all that shit.” Donghae realises that must’ve sounded wrong when he sees the startled disbelief on Siwon’s face, so he adds, “But I can totally get into it if it’d make you feel better about putting out.”
Siwon turns his head and bites his lip. It looks like he’s trying hard not to laugh. Again. After a moment he clears his throat and faces Donghae, mouth trembling and eyes shining with suppressed mirth. “Let me get this straight-you’re willing to tell me you love me just so I’ll sleep with you?”
“Yes,” Donghae says, then when Siwon curls up and dissolves into laughter, he stamps his foot on the floor and amends his statement: “No! Dude, don’t try to trick me, that’s not nice. You know I love you. I love all of you guys. Just not in a gay way.”
Siwon wipes at his eyes. “You want to sleep with me and it’s not gay?”
Donghae huffs. “Bro, chill. It’s just sex. Hot, meaningless sex.”
Pulling himself upright, Siwon gives Donghae a strange, almost painful look. “Is that what you think I wanted from Sungmin?”
“No.” Donghae holds his gaze. He has no fucking clue what Siwon wanted from Minnie, but he recognises that this is getting close to serious. And because he’s not comfortable with serious, because he’s not ready for serious, he says, “But it’s why you should do it with me. Because I really only want you for your body.”
There’s a long silence. Awkward. Drawn-out. Donghae wonders if he’s gone too far. Then he figures there’s no point in getting all bashful now, not when they’re digging into the heart of the matter, so he blurts out, “C’mon, it’s not like you were serious about Minnie. If you were, you wouldn’t have given up so easily.”
Siwon looks wounded. He takes a sharp breath, a flash of raw emotion in his eyes.
Donghae leans forward, presses his advantage. “Admit it-you just don’t like being second best.”
He doesn’t expect Siwon’s reaction. Doesn’t expect him to shut down, to lock down so completely, features shuttered and tight as he springs to his feet. He says nothing, doesn’t even look in Donghae’s direction. He pulls on his sweatshirt and grabs his stuff and strides for the door, stiff and almost martial in his movements.
“You won’t be second best with me,” Donghae shouts after him. “I won’t do that to you. I won’t.”
* * *
A week passes. Donghae counts the days. A week in which Siwon doesn’t exactly avoid him, but they only seem to meet when other people are present. Siwon is a little more formal than usual, a little more brittle, but only with Donghae.
Ryeowook, of course, notices.
“What did you do?” he asks, deploying his usual tactic of demanding answers whilst in the middle of preparing Donghae’s favourite meal. From past experience, Donghae knows that his refusal to reply will see the food presented with a caring smile to some less-deserving member of the group.
“Haven’t done anything,” Donghae says, quite truthfully.
Ryeowook gives him a narrow-eyed stare. “What did you say?”
Donghae hesitates just long enough for Ryeowook to reach for the star anise. Donghae hates too much star anise in his food. But Heechul likes it. The threat of losing his dinner to Heechul is too much. Donghae says, “Nothing. I didn’t say anything. Just... I thought maybe I could help Siwon get over Sungmin.”
Ryeowook abandons the star anise and gives Donghae a droll look. “Define ‘help’.”
“Um.” Donghae leans on the kitchen bench. “I offered to sleep with him. I made several offers, actually.”
Ryeowook nods, adds Sichuan pepper and a pinch of sugar to the mixture. Stirs. He seems thoughtful, but then he always looks thoughtful when he cooks. Donghae tucks one foot behind the other and leans a little closer. Strangely, he wants Ryeowook’s approval. He’s not sure why, though it probably has something to do with the fact that he can’t discuss this with Hyukjae. Well, he could try, but he doubts Hyukkie would pay him any attention. In the absence of his best friend, he’s willing to settle for wisdom from the kitchen god.
When Ryeowook doesn’t immediately share his thoughts out loud, Donghae nudges him. “Dude. Talk to me.”
“You’re pursuing Siwon,” Ryeowook says.
Donghae rolls his eyes. Hasn’t he just said that? “Yes.”
Ryeowook gives him a brief, amused look. “You’re an idiot.”
“What?” So much for the kitchen god’s sagacity. “Why am I-”
“Come back in an hour,” Ryeowook says. “Be smart, Hae.”
It’s a dismissal. Donghae goes to his room and puzzles over the exchange. He makes a note of the time. Continues puzzling over Ryeowook’s advice, thinks about Siwon, thinks about Hyukjae and Sungmin and Jade and Siwon again. The hour creeps on. When it’s up, he gives it another few minutes just for the hell of it then goes back to the kitchen.
Ryeowook is nowhere to be seen, but Siwon is sitting at the table reading a script covered in scrawled annotations. There’s a cup of coffee in front of him. Fresh coffee, the scent rich in the air and the machine still sputtering on the bench. He can’t have been here above ten minutes.
Siwon glances up as Donghae approaches. His expression goes from welcoming to wary. “I still don’t want to sleep with you.”
Be smart, Ryeowook told him. Donghae doesn’t know if he’s about to do the smart thing or not, but he figures he has nothing to lose. “That’s good, because I don’t want to sleep with you, either.”
Wariness turns to bafflement. Siwon’s eyebrows lift. “Oh?”
Donghae warms to his new approach. “I’ve realised the error of my ways. I mean, why the hell am I wasting my time on you? Only losers pine after things they can’t have. I’ve dedicated weeks of my life to your ego, trying to make you feel better-”
Siwon dips his head, bites his lip, and makes a funny sort of snort, like he’s trying not to laugh. His shoulders quiver. He puts a hand over his mouth then looks up, all wide-eyed innocence. Donghae wishes he wouldn’t do that. He looks way too appealing.
“Dude.” Donghae adopts a casual pose, hands on hips, and mock-glares. “Do not be laughing at my generosity. You know you were heartbroken when Sungmin chose ugly boy over you...”
Siwon’s eyes widen even further. “I was not heartbroken. Disappointed, maybe. But not heartbroken. Definitely not.”
Donghae sweeps this aside with an extravagant gesture. “I was there for you in your time of need! And what thanks do I get? Nothing. Not even a blowjob. Man, I’d have settled for a hand job, even. You have big hands. Bigger than mine. That’s kinda hot and gives me ideas. But no, you were just plain ungrateful. That’s like a sin, you know.”
Now Siwon is gazing at him, big dark eyes sombre. “I do appreciate it, Hae. Truly. Your methods are unorthodox, but it helped put things in perspective.”
That throws him just a little. “Right.” Donghae flounders with uncertainty, tries to regain the upper hand. Wonders if he ever had it. “Like I said. I’m not going to pay you any attention any more. I’m not gonna flirt with you or flatter you or anything. Life’s too short, bro. This fish is going to seek another stream to get wet in.”
Siwon snorts. “I can see what you’re doing.”
“I’m not doing anything,” Donghae declares. “Just telling it like it is. I’m so over you, Wonnie.” He delivers this last line with panache, snaps his fingers for additional emphasis, then spins on his heel and wanders off.
He turns back when he hears a strangled noise. It almost sounds like laughter, but when he looks, Siwon is holding the script up to his face and seems completely absorbed in his reading.
* * *
“This is only happening because I’m drunk,” Siwon says for the fifth time. Or maybe it’s the ninth time. Donghae gave up counting when they got through the front door. He’s sure Siwon has declared his drunkenness at least twice between them making out in hasty, clumsy fashion in the hallway at the same time as they were trying to remove their shoes-an awkward and not entirely satisfactory combination of lust and necessity-and ending up here in Siwon’s bedroom.
“You’re not drunk,” Donghae assures him. He’s seen Siwon drunk on several occasions, all maudlin and clingy, and while he’s clingy now, all right, it’s not the same. No, it’s loads better, because Siwon is doing an extremely convincing impersonation of bindweed wrapping itself around Donghae’s body, and while it feels just very slightly aggressive, Siwon’s gazing at him with a hazy, befuddled, and far too adorable expression.
Donghae almost feels guilty for taking advantage, except he’s fairly certain this is an act. Convinced of it, he challenges Siwon: “You had, like, two beers. When did you turn into such a lightweight?”
Siwon bats at him, turns the gesture into an idle caress through Donghae’s hair and down the side of his cheek. “I’m drunk, okay? I’m drunk and I won’t remember any of this in the morning.”
Donghae snuffles with laughter and turns his face into the touch. Siwon’s palm is warm. He licks it. Smiles triumphantly and says, “You’re just ashamed of your own desires, bro. You don’t want to admit you can’t keep your hands off me. It’s okay. I can’t keep my hands off myself sometimes.”
Siwon gives him a weird look. “I did not need to know that.”
“Dude. Self-love is a legitimate form of sexual expression.”
Siwon laughs. He looks gorgeous when he’s relaxed. Not that he isn’t stupidly good-looking all the damn time, but when he relaxes, when he smiles, when the expression in his eyes is alight with-with whatever the hell kind of emotion he’s feeling right now, it’s Donghae’s opinion that Siwon is absolutely fucking gorgeous. And absolutely fucking fuckable, which sounds stupid, but Donghae doesn’t care. Not when he’s got Siwon pressed up against him, tipsy but definitely not drunk, playful but entirely self-aware.
This wasn’t how he’d expected the evening to end. It was all Hyukjae’s idea, a repeat of the night they tried to play the bet, only this time without the bet and with Minnie dressed in jeans and a t-shirt rather than Jade’s clothes. And of course it had been a superlatively boring night, with Hyukkie and Minnie all sort of glowy around each other, and touching at every opportunity-nothing perverted, but possessive, like they thought the other would vanish if they weren’t touching.
At first Donghae had felt smug about his part in engendering such happiness, then he felt disgruntled, then faintly jealous. Then he remembered that if he was feeling jealous, then Siwon must be tormented by it, but when Donghae looked over in some concern, Siwon seemed genuinely pleased and not at all bothered.
Which was only to be expected, really, because hadn’t Siwon said just the other day that Donghae had helped him put things into perspective? Yeah. Obviously Siwon now had so much perspective he was completely over his weird crush on Sungmin.
Donghae knew he should feel proud of this accomplishment, but instead he just felt deflated. He’d sat in a corner and watched everyone else not drink very much-seriously, what kind of crap night out was this?-and then, when Hyukkie and Minnie had announced they were going home at not even midnight, Donghae wondered if he and Siwon could at least get in some serious drinking.
Instead Siwon had held out his hand and said, “Come home with me.”
And Donghae had said-he can’t believe he was this slow-he’d said, “Why?”
To which Siwon had given him one of those owlish looks and then he’d laughed and laughed and called Donghae a dork.
Donghae is not a dork. Sometimes he’s a bit slow. But that’s only because he’s usually way ahead of everyone else and he has to back up and wait for them, and it can take him unawares when everyone else finally does catch up. And if Siwon kissed him first, it was only because Donghae was being polite, because you don’t just lunge at people randomly. You wait for a sign, some kind of invitation, but having said that, Donghae supposes he’s been sending out invitations for the past few weeks, so he really couldn’t complain when Siwon started RSVPing.
Besides, Siwon’s kisses are very nice. Donghae made sure he got plenty on the way from the front door to the bedroom, and now they’re on the bed, Donghae continues seeking them out, clambering half on top of Siwon in an entirely accidental display of dominance.
“I’m only doing this to shut you up,” Siwon says between kisses. “I couldn’t stand it any longer. You’ve worn me down.”
Donghae snorts. “Nah, it was because I told you I’d gone off the idea. Reverse psychology or something. It totally worked!”
Siwon starts laughing again. The sound is addictive, and Donghae joins in, both of them laughing like idiots until Siwon drags him down and kisses him again, hot and wild and with a curl of merriment still joining them. Donghae chuckles into the kiss, melts into it-yeah, even though melting is kind of a girly thing to do, but this is Choi Siwon he’s melting into, so it’s okay-and they grind against each other, all hard and aching and ripe, and Donghae pulls back, lips stinging from the force of the kiss, and he gasp-says, “Do I get to fuck you now?”
With a very neat twist, eyes gleaming, Siwon reverses their positions and rolls on top of him. “I was thinking we might try it this way instead.”
Donghae wriggles. Desire jack-knifes through him. He’s not in complete control of his voice when he says, “No, dude. The deal was for me to fuck you.”
“It’s good to try new things.” Siwon looks very serious now, but there’s a suspicion of laughter behind his sombre expression.
“New things,” Donghae repeats without much understanding of what he’s saying. His concentration is locked onto the sight of Siwon kneeling up and stripping off his clothes. Yeah, yeah, seen it all before, etcetera, but not this close and certainly not this personal, and the effect is devastating. Donghae squirms to rid himself of his own garments, but he’s feeling a bit off-balance and so he lets Siwon do it instead. And from there it’s just one small step to the inevitable, and let’s be honest, who the hell cares when you have a hot, naked, and very aroused man on top of you?
“Okay,” says Donghae, breathless. “Okay, let’s do it. Get inside me and let’s fuck already. The quicker you do me, the quicker I get to screw you.”
“Oh, Hae,” Siwon whispers in his ear, all fluttery-like, “you’re so romantic.”
“Twat,” Donghae grouses, then catches his breath at heat and pressure and the sheer unexpectedness of it. “Oh, fuck. When did you get so big?”
Siwon shakes with laughter. Even though his ass kind of hurts in a weird way right now, Donghae is pleased about the laughter. Sex without laughter is a waste of fucking time. Literally.
* * *
Donghae has always found it difficult to squash his excitement over certain events. Christmas, for example. Every year he wakes up early on Christmas morning and revels in the thrill of anticipation. It’s not so much that he knows-or thinks he knows-what he’ll receive as gifts. It’s not even the thought of his family and friends gathered around. It’s the potential the morning offers, so many possibilities, so many opportunities for him to take.
This morning he wakes up with one arm resting on Siwon’s back, their legs tangled together, and the duvet a scrumpled heap draped diagonally over the bed. Donghae blinks at the glorious expanse of naked man next to him and feels like every single one of his Christmases has come at once. And just because he wants to jump up and down on the bed to express his delight, he refrains from doing so. Instead he inches across the mattress into his own space and whisper-swears when something sharp pokes his thigh. Investigation reveals it to be a condom still in its foil wrapper. Obviously he’s lost his touch, leaving one unused. He sweeps it under the duvet and finds another three unopened condoms lurking there. He adjusts his thinking. Siwon clearly bulk-buys.
Not even that can dent his excitement. He pulls the duvet over his head to muffle an already silent shout of glee. Man, he is so fucking cool. He totally scored last night. He focuses his internal triumphant strutting on the reality of I fucked Siwon. Maybe he should have more problems with the other reality of But Siwon fucked me first, but he doesn’t. Good sex is good sex, whichever way you look at it, and Donghae knows it was good. He knew it’d be good right from the start. Wasn’t that why he’d spent all this time persuading Siwon to give him the opportunity? Really, Siwon should be grateful at such dedication.
Donghae wriggles with pleasure. It makes his body ache in unfamiliar ways. It also gives him a mammoth hard-on. He lies still and ponders his next move. One, he takes care of himself quietly. Two, he wakes Siwon up with it. Three, he goes to the bathroom and lets it subside naturally. Four, he-
The duvet is whipped away and Siwon looks down at him. All of him. “Hello,” says Siwon, all throaty, managing to make a simple greeting sound really fucking dirty.
Surprise has the effect of lessening Donghae’s early-morning ardour. He pulls the quilt back up, not quite shy but not entirely ready to be over-confident, either. “Hi.”
Siwon flops back onto the mattress and stuffs an extra pillow beneath his head. He looks watchful, and for an awful moment Donghae wonders if two beers were enough to wipe Siwon’s memory after all and if he really doesn’t remember anything.
“Wow,” Siwon says, then pauses. “I was drunk last night, huh?”
Donghae sits up in shock. “Two beers. Two lousy fucking beers. You can’t-”
Siwon gives him a wicked glance and laughs. “I remember. Honestly, Hae. I remember everything.”
“You should.” Donghae smacks Siwon’s thigh, not quite ready to forgive that little joke just yet. “I was pretty good, wasn’t I? In fact, I was amazing. That probably ranks up there in my top five performances, and I mean in bed and on a live stage, that’s how good it was. And I was generous, too. Unbelievably generous. I mean, not everyone gets to tap this fish, you know what I’m saying?”
Siwon considers him for a moment. “Are you always like this the morning after?”
Donghae thinks. “Yeah, pretty much.”
Face utterly straight, Siwon says, “You know how you get confused when they never want to see you again...?”
It takes a second for that to sink in, and then Donghae jumps on Siwon in mock outrage. They wrestle for a bit, but there’s no heat in it, no real effort, and eventually they settle with the quilt partially wrapped around them and Donghae still on top of Siwon. In the basking silence, Donghae says, “It was good, though, wasn’t it?”
“Actually...” There’s a long, long pause in which Donghae dies a thousand deaths, and then Siwon’s expression softens and he smiles. “Yes. Yes, it was.”
Donghae kisses him. It seems like a suitably mushy thing to do at a time like this, and anyway, as he discovered last night, he likes kissing Siwon. They carry on kissing until the alarm on Siwon’s phone starts ringing, and about ten seconds later, Donghae’s goes off, too, and they both go sprawling in opposite directions across the bed in an attempt to locate their respective phones and silence them.
“I’ve got to-” Siwon begins.
“Magazine interview,” Donghae explains at the same time.
“-go to a read-through,” Siwon finishes.
“And my manager’s expecting me,” Donghae completes his own sentence.
They look at each other. Laugh. End up kissing again. Another alarm goes off, and Siwon chucks his phone across the room.
“I really have to go,” Donghae says.
“Me, too.” Siwon puts one foot out of bed.
This is not a good example of getting up. Someone has to take the initiative. Donghae rolls from the mattress and drags the duvet with him, depositing it in the middle of the floor. Siwon sits up and complains. Donghae ignores him, digs under the quilt in search of his scattered clothes, and gets dressed.
“So,” he says brightly, his t-shirt on inside out, “same time next week?”
Siwon gives him a really sweet smile. “How about the same time tomorrow?”
“Dude.” Donghae knows he has the biggest, dorkiest grin right now, but he doesn’t care. “I’m fucking awesome-and also, I’m obviously awesome at fucking.”
Siwon ducks his head, blushing. When he straightens up, he declares that Donghae is a jerk and throws a pillow at him.
It misses.
Donghae laughs all the way downstairs.