V-DAY EXCHANGE FIC! God is Totally On Puck's Side (He Thinks), for cattylina
Title: God is Totally On Puck's Side (He Thinks)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Puck/Kurt, Brittany, Burt Hummel
Warnings: mentions of boy!sex, language
Word count: 1513
Recipient: cattylina
Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own or make any profit off the characters, show, or fic.
Summary: A blizzard cancels school right before Valentine's Day. It's like God wants Puck to show Kurt a good time.
A/N: Betated by the amazing amaXdear.
If anyone had told Puck that he’d be excited about Valentine’s Day this year, he’d have thought they were bullshitting him. The “holiday” was all about pink, hearts, flowers, love, and all that chick crap. However, insert one Kurt Hummel into his life, and Puck found himself disregarding his so-called badassness and thinking about presents to give Kurt. A happy Kurt always meant kinky stuff in bed, and Puck loved kinky as much as he loved sex.
Kurt Hummel may have been a virgin before Puck decided he was hot (and let’s be honest, his intact v-card made him ten times hotter), but he had the filthiest mind of anyone Puck had ever met. He rarely swore, but could describe all kinds of things in detail that could make Puck come in his pants. Therefore, Kurt was the best boyfriend/lover/significant other ever, and Puck was going to give him the best Valentine’s Day ever.
When God decided to cooperate with him, Puck felt redeemed. He was so awesome, that God didn’t care if he was dating a non-Jewish dude. A freak blizzard hit Lima (and all of Western Ohio, really, but Lima was the important part) on February 11, causing William McKinley High to cancel classes until further notice. The roads were iced over, and the snow was quickly pilling up to seven feet high. This, of course, was no deterrent to Puck’s perfect plan for Valentine’s Day. In fact, it played right into his hands. He braved the elements with a backpack full of goodies and went to Kurt’s.
When his mom yelled at him, he assured her that Mr. Hummel wouldn’t mind him staying over, and yes he did know how to use a condom, thank you very much. Geez, make one mistake and everyone’s on your case forever.
He trudged through the snow bank and made his way to the Hummel front door and knocked. Kurt’s dad answered the door and sighed.
“Hello Noah. I figured you’d be over here. You can come in so you don’t freeze, but if you give my kid hickeys or STDs, I’ll run you over with my tow truck. Got it?”
All fathers were scary, but Burt Hummel’s particular brand of casual threats was a whole different kind of terrifying. He meant it. He had tried to blowtorch the school before over some perceived wrong to Kurt, so if the man said he’d kill him if he hurt his son, he meant it. Puck nodded and tried to look pleasant and nonthreatening.
He made his way down to Kurt’s apartment that he called a room, pleased with himself for pulling this all off.
“Noah!” Kurt cried, rushing up to greet him. “You made it. I thought I’d be snowed in here all alone until after Valentine’s Day.” He gave his boyfriend a quick kiss. “Did Dad see you come in?”
“Yeah. He gave me the typical lecture about killing me if you even act upset or hurt. Do me a favor and never tell your dad if we so much as fight about what type of food to eat for dinner, okay?”
Kurt snickered. “He only is terrifying because he cares. Besides, he really likes you, Noah. You play football, and you don’t let any of the other jocks egg our house or through pee balloons at me anymore. Dad finds me much easier to deal with when I’m not concerned with saving a new pair of designer jeans or scrubbing yolk off the front door.”
Now it made Puck sick to his stomach to think of all the pranks he’d planned, helped execute, and allowed others to pull on Kurt Hummel and his father. Scared by the obvious differences between the rich, self-secure, and clearly above-Lima Kurt, Puck and his fellow jocks had tormented him for years just to make themselves feel more powerful and less like the Lima Losers they so obviously were. Kurt had long since told Puck to stop apologizing, so he settled for a kiss instead.
“Hey, I brought you goodies,” he cried. “Wanna see?”
Kurt smiled. “Are they the clean or the dirty kind? Because if you got me any sex toys, they need to wait until my dad goes to bed.”
“I did not get you any sex toys, I’ll have you know.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow skeptically.
“Okay, I didn’t get you any sex toys this time. Maybe next time though.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “Okay, so what did you get me? Nothing sexy at all?”
“Well, one thing is sexy, so I’ll save it for later, but I looked up romantic gifts online and came up with some awesome ideas.” Kurt’s eyes widened. “That I could afford, so no Paris trips for you anytime soon. Sorry.” He reached into his backpack and began to pull out the goodies. “I’ve been planning Valentine’s Day for weeks, and the blizzard has just played into my hands. Now we don’t have to wait until Sunday.”
Kurt squealed. “Where did you get champagne? And chocolate covered strawberries?”
“The champagne was super easy. I stood outside the liquor store and looked sad until some dude felt bad for me. I told him I couldn’t buy my boyfriend anything nice, and my mom wouldn’t buy me anything because she didn’t approve of our relationship.”
“You sly lying devil,” Kurt grinned. “You are truly terrible. I should find that repulsive, but it’s hot how you can so easily manipulate people.”
Puck grinned. “And people say I’m a slacker. I just study a different subject than most people.”
“You’d make a great lawyer if you’d pull up your grades. You could make a jury vote your way in a heartbeat. Especially if the jury had a bunch of women who like to look at eye candy.”
“Thank you. Now eat a strawberry. Slowly. I read they’re an aphrodisiac if you eat them real sexily.”
Kurt slowly nibbled and sucked on the strawberry, getting Puck’s full attention. He was just about to grab Kurt and rip his clothes off, screwing the fact that Kurt’s father was upstairs, when he was startled by a knock at the top of the stairs.
“Kurt, you’ve got company!” Burt Hummel yelled. “You and Mohawk better have clothes on when I open this door.”
Kurt sighed and sat down his strawberry. He shot Puck a sympathetic look. “We’re decent dad.”
Burt opened the door and lead a tall blonde girl down the stairs. “Here they are Brittany. Are you sure you don’t need to call someone?”
“No, it’s okay. I was on the phone with Santana telling her I was lost when I found your house. I remembered it from when I helped the Cheerios teepee it and the time that I danced to the Beyonce video with Kurt and Tina.”
Puck liked Brittany okay, but she had the worst timing. First she ruined a hot make out session with Kurt, then she admitted she teepeed the yard right in front of Kurt’s dad.
Burt Hummel looked at her for a minute as if trying to figure out if she actually told him that. Then he shrugged. “Well, let me know if you two need anything. Brittany, make sure Noah keeps his clothes on.”
After he left, Brittany turned to Puck. “Hi! I didn’t think that you’d be here. I was trying to find Santana’s house, but the snow makes everything white and then it all looks the same. My mom says I should buy one of those Tom-Tom things.”
“I have one in my car, and I must say it is quite nice,” Kurt chimed in. “It has a very pleasing voice while it orders you around.”
“How does it talk to you?” Brittany asked. “Can it hear you ask where Santana’s house is?”
“Um, not exactly. You have to punch in the address of where you want to go.”
“Well, I don’t know anyone’s address. I just know that her house is the red brick one on the left on the second road past school.”
“Maybe a Tom-Tom wouldn’t help you much after all, Brittany,” Puck sighed. “Besides, can’t you get someone to come pick you up? Kurt and I were going to have an early Valentine’s Day.” He motioned to the champagne and strawberries.
“Ooh! Strawberries! Thanks Puck!”
Three hours later the chocolate body paint Puck had been saving for later was gone, used instead as a way to make chocolate covered strawberries. All three teens were slightly tipsy from the champagne, and Puck laughed as Kurt and Brittany drunkenly danced to Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance.” It might not have been his plan, but it was fun all the same.
When he woke up the next morning with Kurt cuddled up beside him, he decided that it was a great time. After all, the snow looked to be letting up, and Valentine’s Day was still two whole days away. Kurt could make up the lack of action to him later. Right now, snuggling with his sleeping boyfriend was the perfect place to be.
About the fic you request:(this is the part that will be sent to your writer) Valentine's Day happens right in the middle of a freak blizzard, and school is canceled. Kurt and Puck decide to make the most of their freedom and start V-Day early. Brittany hangs around in some manner, providing comic relief and b'awwww moments.
Rating(s) requested (G-NC-17): anything from pg-13 to NC-17 would be lovely
Character(s) or pairing(s): Puck/Kurt, with copious amounts of Brittany.
Prompts (minimum of 3, no maximum!):
1. Snuggling
2. Blizzard
3. Chocolate covered strawberries.
Things you DON’T want in your story (squicks, triggers, genres you dislike, characters you hate, etc.): Please no Finn/Rachel
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Puck/Kurt, Brittany, Burt Hummel
Warnings: mentions of boy!sex, language
Word count: 1513
Recipient: cattylina
Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own or make any profit off the characters, show, or fic.
Summary: A blizzard cancels school right before Valentine's Day. It's like God wants Puck to show Kurt a good time.
A/N: Betated by the amazing amaXdear.
If anyone had told Puck that he’d be excited about Valentine’s Day this year, he’d have thought they were bullshitting him. The “holiday” was all about pink, hearts, flowers, love, and all that chick crap. However, insert one Kurt Hummel into his life, and Puck found himself disregarding his so-called badassness and thinking about presents to give Kurt. A happy Kurt always meant kinky stuff in bed, and Puck loved kinky as much as he loved sex.
Kurt Hummel may have been a virgin before Puck decided he was hot (and let’s be honest, his intact v-card made him ten times hotter), but he had the filthiest mind of anyone Puck had ever met. He rarely swore, but could describe all kinds of things in detail that could make Puck come in his pants. Therefore, Kurt was the best boyfriend/lover/significant other ever, and Puck was going to give him the best Valentine’s Day ever.
When God decided to cooperate with him, Puck felt redeemed. He was so awesome, that God didn’t care if he was dating a non-Jewish dude. A freak blizzard hit Lima (and all of Western Ohio, really, but Lima was the important part) on February 11, causing William McKinley High to cancel classes until further notice. The roads were iced over, and the snow was quickly pilling up to seven feet high. This, of course, was no deterrent to Puck’s perfect plan for Valentine’s Day. In fact, it played right into his hands. He braved the elements with a backpack full of goodies and went to Kurt’s.
When his mom yelled at him, he assured her that Mr. Hummel wouldn’t mind him staying over, and yes he did know how to use a condom, thank you very much. Geez, make one mistake and everyone’s on your case forever.
He trudged through the snow bank and made his way to the Hummel front door and knocked. Kurt’s dad answered the door and sighed.
“Hello Noah. I figured you’d be over here. You can come in so you don’t freeze, but if you give my kid hickeys or STDs, I’ll run you over with my tow truck. Got it?”
All fathers were scary, but Burt Hummel’s particular brand of casual threats was a whole different kind of terrifying. He meant it. He had tried to blowtorch the school before over some perceived wrong to Kurt, so if the man said he’d kill him if he hurt his son, he meant it. Puck nodded and tried to look pleasant and nonthreatening.
He made his way down to Kurt’s apartment that he called a room, pleased with himself for pulling this all off.
“Noah!” Kurt cried, rushing up to greet him. “You made it. I thought I’d be snowed in here all alone until after Valentine’s Day.” He gave his boyfriend a quick kiss. “Did Dad see you come in?”
“Yeah. He gave me the typical lecture about killing me if you even act upset or hurt. Do me a favor and never tell your dad if we so much as fight about what type of food to eat for dinner, okay?”
Kurt snickered. “He only is terrifying because he cares. Besides, he really likes you, Noah. You play football, and you don’t let any of the other jocks egg our house or through pee balloons at me anymore. Dad finds me much easier to deal with when I’m not concerned with saving a new pair of designer jeans or scrubbing yolk off the front door.”
Now it made Puck sick to his stomach to think of all the pranks he’d planned, helped execute, and allowed others to pull on Kurt Hummel and his father. Scared by the obvious differences between the rich, self-secure, and clearly above-Lima Kurt, Puck and his fellow jocks had tormented him for years just to make themselves feel more powerful and less like the Lima Losers they so obviously were. Kurt had long since told Puck to stop apologizing, so he settled for a kiss instead.
“Hey, I brought you goodies,” he cried. “Wanna see?”
Kurt smiled. “Are they the clean or the dirty kind? Because if you got me any sex toys, they need to wait until my dad goes to bed.”
“I did not get you any sex toys, I’ll have you know.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow skeptically.
“Okay, I didn’t get you any sex toys this time. Maybe next time though.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “Okay, so what did you get me? Nothing sexy at all?”
“Well, one thing is sexy, so I’ll save it for later, but I looked up romantic gifts online and came up with some awesome ideas.” Kurt’s eyes widened. “That I could afford, so no Paris trips for you anytime soon. Sorry.” He reached into his backpack and began to pull out the goodies. “I’ve been planning Valentine’s Day for weeks, and the blizzard has just played into my hands. Now we don’t have to wait until Sunday.”
Kurt squealed. “Where did you get champagne? And chocolate covered strawberries?”
“The champagne was super easy. I stood outside the liquor store and looked sad until some dude felt bad for me. I told him I couldn’t buy my boyfriend anything nice, and my mom wouldn’t buy me anything because she didn’t approve of our relationship.”
“You sly lying devil,” Kurt grinned. “You are truly terrible. I should find that repulsive, but it’s hot how you can so easily manipulate people.”
Puck grinned. “And people say I’m a slacker. I just study a different subject than most people.”
“You’d make a great lawyer if you’d pull up your grades. You could make a jury vote your way in a heartbeat. Especially if the jury had a bunch of women who like to look at eye candy.”
“Thank you. Now eat a strawberry. Slowly. I read they’re an aphrodisiac if you eat them real sexily.”
Kurt slowly nibbled and sucked on the strawberry, getting Puck’s full attention. He was just about to grab Kurt and rip his clothes off, screwing the fact that Kurt’s father was upstairs, when he was startled by a knock at the top of the stairs.
“Kurt, you’ve got company!” Burt Hummel yelled. “You and Mohawk better have clothes on when I open this door.”
Kurt sighed and sat down his strawberry. He shot Puck a sympathetic look. “We’re decent dad.”
Burt opened the door and lead a tall blonde girl down the stairs. “Here they are Brittany. Are you sure you don’t need to call someone?”
“No, it’s okay. I was on the phone with Santana telling her I was lost when I found your house. I remembered it from when I helped the Cheerios teepee it and the time that I danced to the Beyonce video with Kurt and Tina.”
Puck liked Brittany okay, but she had the worst timing. First she ruined a hot make out session with Kurt, then she admitted she teepeed the yard right in front of Kurt’s dad.
Burt Hummel looked at her for a minute as if trying to figure out if she actually told him that. Then he shrugged. “Well, let me know if you two need anything. Brittany, make sure Noah keeps his clothes on.”
After he left, Brittany turned to Puck. “Hi! I didn’t think that you’d be here. I was trying to find Santana’s house, but the snow makes everything white and then it all looks the same. My mom says I should buy one of those Tom-Tom things.”
“I have one in my car, and I must say it is quite nice,” Kurt chimed in. “It has a very pleasing voice while it orders you around.”
“How does it talk to you?” Brittany asked. “Can it hear you ask where Santana’s house is?”
“Um, not exactly. You have to punch in the address of where you want to go.”
“Well, I don’t know anyone’s address. I just know that her house is the red brick one on the left on the second road past school.”
“Maybe a Tom-Tom wouldn’t help you much after all, Brittany,” Puck sighed. “Besides, can’t you get someone to come pick you up? Kurt and I were going to have an early Valentine’s Day.” He motioned to the champagne and strawberries.
“Ooh! Strawberries! Thanks Puck!”
Three hours later the chocolate body paint Puck had been saving for later was gone, used instead as a way to make chocolate covered strawberries. All three teens were slightly tipsy from the champagne, and Puck laughed as Kurt and Brittany drunkenly danced to Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance.” It might not have been his plan, but it was fun all the same.
When he woke up the next morning with Kurt cuddled up beside him, he decided that it was a great time. After all, the snow looked to be letting up, and Valentine’s Day was still two whole days away. Kurt could make up the lack of action to him later. Right now, snuggling with his sleeping boyfriend was the perfect place to be.
About the fic you request:(this is the part that will be sent to your writer) Valentine's Day happens right in the middle of a freak blizzard, and school is canceled. Kurt and Puck decide to make the most of their freedom and start V-Day early. Brittany hangs around in some manner, providing comic relief and b'awwww moments.
Rating(s) requested (G-NC-17): anything from pg-13 to NC-17 would be lovely
Character(s) or pairing(s): Puck/Kurt, with copious amounts of Brittany.
Prompts (minimum of 3, no maximum!):
1. Snuggling
2. Blizzard
3. Chocolate covered strawberries.
Things you DON’T want in your story (squicks, triggers, genres you dislike, characters you hate, etc.): Please no Finn/Rachel