fic: never say never
title: never say never
author: meggers_27
rating: pg
disclaimer: yeah, i wish it was mine. sadly, it's not.
spoilers: none.
summary: pure drabble. born out of my love for rachel and second-person narration.
You’ve always been different.
Since the moment you were a thought in your fathers’ minds, you were different.
You cant help it, you were born that way. You came into the world different.
Some would call you an outcast. (Most do, actually).
But you don’t mind. You rather like being different.
You’d like it even more if people didn’t look at you the way they did as you walk down the hallways with your head held high or whisper cruel things behind your back.
You know that your personality can be… abrasive. That most people cower at how blunt you are or how you don’t often sugarcoat things. Most thing it’s a flaw. You think it’s a strength.
You are driven and focused and while you know you can sometimes lose sight of the smaller things around you because you’ve got your eye on the prize, you’re a lot more self-aware than people ever give you credit for. You know that you irritate and annoy and you’re much too honest.
You’re different.
But you also know that no matter how driven and confident you seem to be on the outside, you’re so freaking terrified on the inside most of the time that the mask you put up is your only defense. You’re scared you’ll never be a star, that you’ll never make it out of this stupid small town, you’re scared you’ll be just like the rest of them.
No one can know that, of course. It’d chip that precious armor you surround yourself with. To be vulnerable is to be weak and Rachel Berry is not weak.
Glee club is yours. It’s that precious, precious thing that you think about and dream about. It’s your talent that propels them and you know that. Every member of the glee club knows that. Even Mr. Schuester, who you know doesn’t like you, knows that.
When you first banded together, it was just five misfits trying to find a niche. A place to belong.
Surrounded by the others, on stage, you felt like you finally belonged somewhere.
It was nice.
You didn’t feel so different.
As glee continued and more members (no longer just misfits) joined, you watched as your glee club - your niche - began to band together without you. They formed friendships and romances. You are still a part of the club, of course, but not in the same way as everyone else is.
It may be your talent that makes them what they are, but you’d almost be willing to give that up for what they all seem to have together.
Almost.
You often remind yourself that all the greats are often shunned by their peers. It makes it easier to continue through life this way. Well, on the days that you don’t have slushie thrown in your face or the days when you don’t catch Finn holding Quinn’s hand or Kurt and Mercedes whispering together like real friends do.
You don’t have any friends.
The glee club all seem to be friends. They just don’t seem to be friends with you.
And that’s okay, you remind yourself, because one day you’re going to be bigger than all of this and high school will be a distant memory.
You just have to get through it first.
The days when Finn smiles at your or accidentally brushes his hand against you make the days pass a little easier.
Sometimes you think he might be your friend, but when he shies away from you almost as easily as the others, you think otherwise. It’s a shame he’s tied down by Quinn and the baby, because you think you might have been great together. The leading man and the young starlet are always make for a great combination.
But you begin to realize after awhile that songs are all you’ll ever share together.
(Besides for a few stolen kisses).
And then there’s that other boy. The impossible one. The one who’s lips are rougher than Finn’s, who’s kisses are more insistent, and who’s heart more closely matches yours (no matter how much you both would be willing to deny it).
You and Noah are kindred spirits. You understand his pain and the way he lashes out because you’re the same. He loves someone he cant have just the way you do.
Sometimes you consider throwing yourself at his feet and pleading for him to forget every word you said that chilly day on the bleachers. You don’t want to die a virgin and Noah seems just the boy to rid you of the burden.
But, you wont.
You’d think of Finn (no matter how hard you try to quit him) and it wouldn’t be fair. Besides, there’s a small part of you that’s still holding out hope that everything will work out like it does in the movies.
You know life is not a movie.
If it were, it’d probably go something like 16 Candles, because today, on the day of your birth, you’re feeling rather like a modern-day Molly Ringwald (with better hair and a killer voice, of course) as you walk through the halls and no one utters a happy birthday.
You don’t expect it. No one knows it’s your birthday except for your fathers.
They never forget. You’re their little miracle.
Sometimes that’s a burden you feel all too heavily on your shoulders.
Today often makes you think of your mother.
The mother you never knew. The mother you’ll never know.
As your fathers sing you happy birthday over a candle they stuck in your muffin completely off-key you wonder if she was a singer.
After they are finished, they prompt you to make a wish, their faces lit up and excited. You feel guilty for thinking of a woman who you don’t even know when you have two fathers who love you so completely.
You often feel guilty for always wanting more, though, so you’re used to it.
As your fathers watch you, pride and love shining in their eyes, you blow out your candle and make a wish.
You wish for even more than you already have. You cant help yourself.
At rehearsal, after school, everyone ignores you as you enter. Just like they always do. But you’ve grown accustomed to it, so it doesn’t sting as much as anymore.
You’re asked to sing the lead, jut like always, and you kill it. Everyone watches you with wide eyes and open mouths like they’ve never heard you sing before. And you think the only time anyone ever sees you is when you sing.
When you are finished, you return to your seat and you’re invisible again.
After rehearsal is over, everyone leaves quickly, but you linger. Packing your bag slowly and attempting to take the smallest steps towards the door. You run your fingers across the glossy piano, wishing you knew how to play something sad and perfect for the way your heart’s breaking.
You don’t expect anything from the glee club. They’re not your friends. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less that they didn’t give you what you wished for.
It makes you realize you might not get everything you want, after all, and that thought is terrifying. And startling. But mostly terrifying.
You drum your fingers against some of the keys, before you finally step past the piano, but you’re suddenly before a beautiful boy and your heart accelerates a little at just how close he is.
You find yourself suddenly speechless. Which is new.
It is hard to stand so close to him and remember so vividly the way his lips felt pressed against yours or the way his hands felt against your body. You wish he was doing those same things to you right now.
But just as you think it, it comes true.
He’s pulling you into him with this big hands and his lips over yours in an instant.
And it’s just as perfect as you remember it.
“Happy birthday,” he whispers breathlessly in your ear.
It sends shivers down your spine.
He’s gone before you can utter a single word.
Your legs feel like jelly, so you fall onto the piano bench behind you. A smile tugs at your lips because you got exactly what you wished for over that stupid candle in your breakfast this morning.
You didn’t believe in wishes before.
But you do now.
You stay in the choir room for a long time after that, hitting all the wrong keys of the piano and singing all the sad songs you can think of. Most people wouldn’t spend their birthdays this way, but you’re not most people.
You’re different.
author: meggers_27
rating: pg
disclaimer: yeah, i wish it was mine. sadly, it's not.
spoilers: none.
summary: pure drabble. born out of my love for rachel and second-person narration.
You’ve always been different.
Since the moment you were a thought in your fathers’ minds, you were different.
You cant help it, you were born that way. You came into the world different.
Some would call you an outcast. (Most do, actually).
But you don’t mind. You rather like being different.
You’d like it even more if people didn’t look at you the way they did as you walk down the hallways with your head held high or whisper cruel things behind your back.
You know that your personality can be… abrasive. That most people cower at how blunt you are or how you don’t often sugarcoat things. Most thing it’s a flaw. You think it’s a strength.
You are driven and focused and while you know you can sometimes lose sight of the smaller things around you because you’ve got your eye on the prize, you’re a lot more self-aware than people ever give you credit for. You know that you irritate and annoy and you’re much too honest.
You’re different.
But you also know that no matter how driven and confident you seem to be on the outside, you’re so freaking terrified on the inside most of the time that the mask you put up is your only defense. You’re scared you’ll never be a star, that you’ll never make it out of this stupid small town, you’re scared you’ll be just like the rest of them.
No one can know that, of course. It’d chip that precious armor you surround yourself with. To be vulnerable is to be weak and Rachel Berry is not weak.
Glee club is yours. It’s that precious, precious thing that you think about and dream about. It’s your talent that propels them and you know that. Every member of the glee club knows that. Even Mr. Schuester, who you know doesn’t like you, knows that.
When you first banded together, it was just five misfits trying to find a niche. A place to belong.
Surrounded by the others, on stage, you felt like you finally belonged somewhere.
It was nice.
You didn’t feel so different.
As glee continued and more members (no longer just misfits) joined, you watched as your glee club - your niche - began to band together without you. They formed friendships and romances. You are still a part of the club, of course, but not in the same way as everyone else is.
It may be your talent that makes them what they are, but you’d almost be willing to give that up for what they all seem to have together.
Almost.
You often remind yourself that all the greats are often shunned by their peers. It makes it easier to continue through life this way. Well, on the days that you don’t have slushie thrown in your face or the days when you don’t catch Finn holding Quinn’s hand or Kurt and Mercedes whispering together like real friends do.
You don’t have any friends.
The glee club all seem to be friends. They just don’t seem to be friends with you.
And that’s okay, you remind yourself, because one day you’re going to be bigger than all of this and high school will be a distant memory.
You just have to get through it first.
The days when Finn smiles at your or accidentally brushes his hand against you make the days pass a little easier.
Sometimes you think he might be your friend, but when he shies away from you almost as easily as the others, you think otherwise. It’s a shame he’s tied down by Quinn and the baby, because you think you might have been great together. The leading man and the young starlet are always make for a great combination.
But you begin to realize after awhile that songs are all you’ll ever share together.
(Besides for a few stolen kisses).
And then there’s that other boy. The impossible one. The one who’s lips are rougher than Finn’s, who’s kisses are more insistent, and who’s heart more closely matches yours (no matter how much you both would be willing to deny it).
You and Noah are kindred spirits. You understand his pain and the way he lashes out because you’re the same. He loves someone he cant have just the way you do.
Sometimes you consider throwing yourself at his feet and pleading for him to forget every word you said that chilly day on the bleachers. You don’t want to die a virgin and Noah seems just the boy to rid you of the burden.
But, you wont.
You’d think of Finn (no matter how hard you try to quit him) and it wouldn’t be fair. Besides, there’s a small part of you that’s still holding out hope that everything will work out like it does in the movies.
You know life is not a movie.
If it were, it’d probably go something like 16 Candles, because today, on the day of your birth, you’re feeling rather like a modern-day Molly Ringwald (with better hair and a killer voice, of course) as you walk through the halls and no one utters a happy birthday.
You don’t expect it. No one knows it’s your birthday except for your fathers.
They never forget. You’re their little miracle.
Sometimes that’s a burden you feel all too heavily on your shoulders.
Today often makes you think of your mother.
The mother you never knew. The mother you’ll never know.
As your fathers sing you happy birthday over a candle they stuck in your muffin completely off-key you wonder if she was a singer.
After they are finished, they prompt you to make a wish, their faces lit up and excited. You feel guilty for thinking of a woman who you don’t even know when you have two fathers who love you so completely.
You often feel guilty for always wanting more, though, so you’re used to it.
As your fathers watch you, pride and love shining in their eyes, you blow out your candle and make a wish.
You wish for even more than you already have. You cant help yourself.
At rehearsal, after school, everyone ignores you as you enter. Just like they always do. But you’ve grown accustomed to it, so it doesn’t sting as much as anymore.
You’re asked to sing the lead, jut like always, and you kill it. Everyone watches you with wide eyes and open mouths like they’ve never heard you sing before. And you think the only time anyone ever sees you is when you sing.
When you are finished, you return to your seat and you’re invisible again.
After rehearsal is over, everyone leaves quickly, but you linger. Packing your bag slowly and attempting to take the smallest steps towards the door. You run your fingers across the glossy piano, wishing you knew how to play something sad and perfect for the way your heart’s breaking.
You don’t expect anything from the glee club. They’re not your friends. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less that they didn’t give you what you wished for.
It makes you realize you might not get everything you want, after all, and that thought is terrifying. And startling. But mostly terrifying.
You drum your fingers against some of the keys, before you finally step past the piano, but you’re suddenly before a beautiful boy and your heart accelerates a little at just how close he is.
You find yourself suddenly speechless. Which is new.
It is hard to stand so close to him and remember so vividly the way his lips felt pressed against yours or the way his hands felt against your body. You wish he was doing those same things to you right now.
But just as you think it, it comes true.
He’s pulling you into him with this big hands and his lips over yours in an instant.
And it’s just as perfect as you remember it.
“Happy birthday,” he whispers breathlessly in your ear.
It sends shivers down your spine.
He’s gone before you can utter a single word.
Your legs feel like jelly, so you fall onto the piano bench behind you. A smile tugs at your lips because you got exactly what you wished for over that stupid candle in your breakfast this morning.
You didn’t believe in wishes before.
But you do now.
You stay in the choir room for a long time after that, hitting all the wrong keys of the piano and singing all the sad songs you can think of. Most people wouldn’t spend their birthdays this way, but you’re not most people.
You’re different.