prompt #059: hold on
Title: Coping Alone
Pairing/Characters: Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter
Rating (Word Count): PG-13 (6x100)
Warning(s): Could be triggering for anxiety and/or panic attacks.
Author's notes: Thanks to tommyglitter for the quick beta! This is also a fill for my hc_bingo confession in a desperate situation and angst_bingo panic attack.
Tommy can’t hold on any more. The late night practice combined with missing Isaac has him feeling like he is going to lose his mind at any minute. He needs to be held, to be touched, to hear the calming tone of Isaac’s voice.
Why did Isaac have to be half way across the world right now?
Tommy needs him here in their bed; in their home.
He looks at the phone and tries to calculate the time differences but he can’t focus enough to try. His head feels like mush, as if someone took a scrambler to his insides.
~*~
He gets up, unable to sit any longer. He walks around the house, hoping it might help this time. So far, nothing has helped relive the anxiety that’s building. This panic attack has gone on too long, too hard. He needs to get past this soon!
The pills in the cabinet are calling to him. They are a quick fix, a coping mechanism that makes him feel weak every time he swallows one. His body twitches as he fights the pull toward the pills. He’s better than this, he should be able to cope with life when Isaac is away.
~*~
Tommy checks the time. An hour has passed and he has no idea how. The passing hours means it’s that much closer to dawn. A new day where he can try to forget how fucked up his head is. Even if he never sleeps, the sun coming up is a reset button for his life.
His left eye starts to twitch, not enough for anyone to see but enough to bother him. As if his mind wasn’t already a mess, he doesn’t need the twitching too. Not that he has any control. Right now, all his control has faded away.
~*~
Tommy’s chest gets tighter and he lets out a frustrated sigh. He walks into the small bathroom and stares at his reflection in the mirror. He hardly recognizes himself anymore. The man looking back at him is broken.
With shaky hands, he opens up the cabinet door and pulls out the pill bottle. His doctor called them ‘just in case’ pills, but they have become much more than that. Tommy is finding that he needs them more often. Knowing that his doctor warned him of that doesn’t make him feel any less like a weakling when he swallows one down.
~*~
Tommy shuts off the light and pads back to his room. He climbs into the bed and pulls Isaac’s pillow toward him. It’s not a substitute for his lover, but it makes him feel less alone. He knows they only have a few days left, not quite a week. It still seems like forever before Isaac will be home.
His phone rings as Tommy shuts his eyes to try to fall asleep. He doesn’t need to look; he already knows that it’s Isaac on the line.
“I can’t hold on.” That is all Tommy says before the tears overtake him.
~*~
Tommy wakes up in the early afternoon the next day with his phone still clutched in his hand. Isaac’s soothing voice is long gone yet Tommy doesn’t feel nearly as lonely as he did when he got home last night. He takes a breath, his chest no longer tight and his body no longer twitching.
Looking down at his phone Tommy wonders how long Isaac stayed on the line talking to him. He sees that he has a text waiting and pulls it up quickly.
Hold on for me, beb.
Isaac’s simple words make Tommy feel as if he can.
Pairing/Characters: Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter
Rating (Word Count): PG-13 (6x100)
Warning(s): Could be triggering for anxiety and/or panic attacks.
Author's notes: Thanks to tommyglitter for the quick beta! This is also a fill for my hc_bingo confession in a desperate situation and angst_bingo panic attack.
Tommy can’t hold on any more. The late night practice combined with missing Isaac has him feeling like he is going to lose his mind at any minute. He needs to be held, to be touched, to hear the calming tone of Isaac’s voice.
Why did Isaac have to be half way across the world right now?
Tommy needs him here in their bed; in their home.
He looks at the phone and tries to calculate the time differences but he can’t focus enough to try. His head feels like mush, as if someone took a scrambler to his insides.
~*~
He gets up, unable to sit any longer. He walks around the house, hoping it might help this time. So far, nothing has helped relive the anxiety that’s building. This panic attack has gone on too long, too hard. He needs to get past this soon!
The pills in the cabinet are calling to him. They are a quick fix, a coping mechanism that makes him feel weak every time he swallows one. His body twitches as he fights the pull toward the pills. He’s better than this, he should be able to cope with life when Isaac is away.
~*~
Tommy checks the time. An hour has passed and he has no idea how. The passing hours means it’s that much closer to dawn. A new day where he can try to forget how fucked up his head is. Even if he never sleeps, the sun coming up is a reset button for his life.
His left eye starts to twitch, not enough for anyone to see but enough to bother him. As if his mind wasn’t already a mess, he doesn’t need the twitching too. Not that he has any control. Right now, all his control has faded away.
~*~
Tommy’s chest gets tighter and he lets out a frustrated sigh. He walks into the small bathroom and stares at his reflection in the mirror. He hardly recognizes himself anymore. The man looking back at him is broken.
With shaky hands, he opens up the cabinet door and pulls out the pill bottle. His doctor called them ‘just in case’ pills, but they have become much more than that. Tommy is finding that he needs them more often. Knowing that his doctor warned him of that doesn’t make him feel any less like a weakling when he swallows one down.
~*~
Tommy shuts off the light and pads back to his room. He climbs into the bed and pulls Isaac’s pillow toward him. It’s not a substitute for his lover, but it makes him feel less alone. He knows they only have a few days left, not quite a week. It still seems like forever before Isaac will be home.
His phone rings as Tommy shuts his eyes to try to fall asleep. He doesn’t need to look; he already knows that it’s Isaac on the line.
“I can’t hold on.” That is all Tommy says before the tears overtake him.
~*~
Tommy wakes up in the early afternoon the next day with his phone still clutched in his hand. Isaac’s soothing voice is long gone yet Tommy doesn’t feel nearly as lonely as he did when he got home last night. He takes a breath, his chest no longer tight and his body no longer twitching.
Looking down at his phone Tommy wonders how long Isaac stayed on the line talking to him. He sees that he has a text waiting and pulls it up quickly.
Hold on for me, beb.
Isaac’s simple words make Tommy feel as if he can.