SGA 3.13 Irresponsible (commentary)
Okay, yes, I know I'm waaaay behind. Going as fast as I can here. Anyway, in case anyone's still interested...
So, Irresponsible. I dunno. I mean, it was all right. It wasn’t horrible. It was fine. I was entertained and everything, but disappointed by the obvious plot and ending. Maybe it’s just the comedown from the previous episode. The writers have given us so much more, especially recently (Echoes, The Tao of Rodney, anyone?) that I guess I’m starting to expect better from them. However, it is also obvious that the writers have been reading the fanfic and have become big sappy fangirls like the rest of us. How do I know this? Because they wrote an episode in which even Kolya knows that Rodney is John’s weakness. And for that, I’ll forgive them anything.
Drawbacks? Plot holes you could drive a truck through. Just ignore it and look at the pretty.
Other things of note: Lots of pretty, including Shep rocking the Ray Bans and slouching like a rentboy, and McKay with excellent hair and possibly eyeliner in some scenes, but not much ‘splodey-although, the ‘splodey there was, was fabulous in its own right by way of being a humorous ACME-type bundle of TNT, complete with sparkling fuse. And, hullfire asks the ever-important question: Also, has Robert Davi spent his time eating pies since his last appearance? Because, YES.
Here we go with…Irresponsible.
~ Elizabeth, Teyla and Ronon discuss a “super hero” Teyla’s heard about as they head down to the gate. Ronon thinks anyone that awesome must be one of his people. Carson and John are waiting for them at the gate. Rodney comes in late.
John: Where’s my boyfriend?
Rodney: I’m here, I’m here…I just had to get my autograph book in case Teyla’s “super hero” turned out to be the real deal.
~ Ronon is putting on his gunbelt in this scene and we get several enticing glimpses of the hot-like-burning Momoa belly as he adjusts his shirt. Yum.
~ Um…Why is Carson going on this mission? He never goes offworld if he can help it. Why does he just happen to be going on this mission where they will just happen to need a blood sample drawn? I’m just saying. He’s got no business here.
~ Team Shep arrive in a picturesque little town. They discuss their childhood heroes as they walk. Shep is wearing his aviator glasses and looks ridiculously hot. Why does nobody else on the team need sunglasses?
John: Evel Knievel was my boyhood crush.
Teyla: *eyebrow of skepticism*
John: Well, he wasn’t actually evil…he was a daredevil. Well, not an actual devil. He jumped over things on a motorcycle.
Ronon: *grunt of inquiry*
John: Er…just ‘cause. And lots of times he crashed. And he broke forty bones in his body! Not all at once, though. Then he became an insurance salesman.
Teyla: And you…admired this behavior?
John: *indignant* No, I just…Hey, at least mine was human. McKay’s is Batman!
Rodney: Hmm. Misunderstood and unappreciated by many, his most formidable weapon was the power of his brilliant mind. Not just a hero, a super hero.
Carson: Why am I here again?
Ronon: I liked a guy who told jokes and flung entrails.
~ Team Shep meet a friendly group of villagers who confirm they do indeed have a local hero. Ronon is still sure it must be one of his people. Are his “people” like Teyla’s “people”?
~ The friendly villagers take the team to their leader, who is regaling a crowd in the town square.
Regaled Crowd: *laughs raucously*
Main Villager Guy: Here he is! The mightiest of heroes, our champion protector…Lucius Luvin!
Lucius Luvin: Well, will ya look who it is!
Team Shep…: D’oh!
~ The looks of disgust on the team’s faces are awesome.
~ Credits. La la la NOT WATCHING.
~ Lucius, still regaling the crowd with stories, except Team Shep has made themselves at home as well. John is a fifteen-year-old boy. I know this not because he can’t keep his dick in his pants, but because he is slouched sexily in a chair which he has tipped back to rest on two legs. Obviously The Flan was unable to master this move for extended periods, as production has thoughtfully placed a barrel behind him to keep him from falling on his ass. In case that’s not enough to show us how utterly cool and relaxed Shep is, production has also kindly provided The Flan a stalk of hay or possibly grass to chew upon. Because nothing says “ unflappable” like hayseed.
Lucius Luvin: blah blah familiar storycakes
John: *scrunchy sunglasses of doom*
Rodney and Teyla: *exchange eyerolls*
Ronon: *facepalm*
Carson: My wee babbie turtles!
LL: blah blah iratus bug on John’s my neck
John’s brain: Wasn’t this an episode of I Love Lucy?
Carson: *jabs needle into Lucius’ arm, thereby fulfilling his entire function of this episode*
LL: Ow! I thought you said this wasn’t gonna hurt!
Carsonator: I lied.
Rodney: *wonders what’s for lunch*
Teyla: * fondles pointy stick, bitches.*
~ And then John has to go and rain on Lucius’ parade by asking pointed questions about the story and gesticulating with the hayseed. Lucius admits to stealing John’s stories when he “perused” mission reports in Atlantis and says he’s not toking the weed. Teyla demonstrates that she has learned sarcasm.
Lucius: You’re not gonna find any trace of that special herb in my system…
Teyla: *eyebrow of doom* You mean these people are not drugged? They simply adore you for who you are?
~ Lucius says the reason the villagers love him is because he saved them from ruffians. When pressed for an explanation, he demonstrates his invincibility by having some of the villagers drop a pallet of…grain sacks? they happened to be hoisting to the second floor of a house for…no apparent reason. As the pallet crashes down on Lucius, we see the familiar green flash of a personal shield like Rodney’s from Hide & Seek. Then he tells Ronon to hit him.
Lucius: Hit me.
Rodney: Don’t…
Ronon: *grins gleefully*
Lucius: C’mon, hit me.
Rodney: I wouldn’t…
Ronon: *grins gleefully*
Rodney: I’m telling you…don’t.
Ronon: *breaks hand* OW!
Lucius: See? Invincible. I can’t be vinced.
~ Team Shep are having Sunday dinner with Lucius, who explains that one of his many admirers from his old village gave him the personal shield but he never knew what it was until he went to Atlantis
Lucius: I perused some of the mission reports blah blah Ancientcakes
Rodney: You did an awful lot of perusing while you were on the base.
Lucius: I peruse. It’s a gift.
~ Then Lucius hits on a passing serving wench.
Lucius: Hey, sweetheart, how you doin’? *waggles eyebrows suggestively*
Buxom Serving Wench: Ew. You’re so last Tuesday.
~ In a tiny bit of not foreshadowing at all, Lucius laments that he’s only as good as his last act of heroism. And also explains that, contrary to what’s already canon courtesy of Hide & Seek, he just needed to have someone with the gene initialize the shield and then he could use it at will. He’s wearing it at the supper table and it is glowing green, indicating that it’s active; however, it is in no way stopping him from eating or drinking. And ladies and gentlemen, if you look out the window to your left, you’ll see a large, gaping crater called a “plot hole.” What used to be there is something called “continuity,” but the writers felt it was unnecessary and destroyed it.
~ And in another bout of not foreshadowing anything at all, no sir, John mentions to Lucius that the personal shields eventually lose power. Ronon eats a giant piece of ham as the team discusses what to do about Lucius.
John: Well…whaddya think?
Teyla: Perhaps he’s learned a lesson.
Rodney: He’s Lucius. Are you kidding me?
John: He’s made a lot of mistakes in the past, but…*looks pointedly at Rodney* …who hasn’t?
Rodney: Why are you looking at me?
~ And then Carson comes in to tell them he’s finished testing Lucius’ blood and he’s clean. So they decide to leave, except Rodney is worried that the villagers are being taken advantage of but John wisely susses out that Rodney really just wants to get his hands on the shield.
~ In the village square, John tells Main Villager Guy to say goodbye to Lucius for them. MVG seems flummoxed by this request.
John: Well, whenever he gets back, tell him we said goodbye.
Main Villager Guy: Uh…ummm…all right…
~ Ronon’s spidey-sense is tingling and he thinks they’re making a mistake by leaving. Just then, a band of ruffians bursts into the square. There are horse noises, but the miscreants are all on foot.
Ponytail Dude: I said ‘drop your weapons’!
Ronon: I got two on my right and one straight dead ahead.
John: Two at twelve o’clock and one behind the fruit stand.
Carson: Despite my previously demonstrated lack of morals, ethics or general concern for the innocent and/or unsuspecting, I fear that if we shoot now we’ll risk harming these innocent villagers.
Rodney: And also us!
~ Shep tries unsuccessfully to negotiate with Ponytail Dude, who takes the buxom serving wench from earlier hostage.
Ponytail Dude: Lower your weapons.
Buxom Serving Wench: *whimpers buxomly*
John: …Okaaaay…
Ronon: Sheppard…
John: Trust me on this one.
And as everybody else lays down their weapons, John immediately drops to his knees and sticks his hands behind his back. Uh, eager much, Shep?
~ Team Shep is restrained and Ponytail Dude makes some more threats, asking where their big hero is to rescue them. On cue, Lucius appears to the cheering and applause of the assembled villagers. The miscreants attack Lucius with assorted guns, shovels, planks of wood, etc. to no avail. Then Lucius kicks all their asses and the villagers cheer some more. Team Shep share dubious looks.
~ Back at the pub, Lucius is once again regaling the crowd with one of John’s stories. The Buxom Serving Wench is sitting on his lap. When Lucius says, “Hey, Colonel! Sit down, sit down…” there’s a shot of Rodney and John wherein Rodney’s hair is all ruffled and it looks sort of like a faux-hawk. And also he seems to be wearing eyeliner. Hee. The miscreants turned Rodney into a punk rocker while they had him tied up.
~ Team Shep declines sharing the Honorary Schnitzel and “thanks” Lucius for “saving” them. After they leave, Lucius goes for a “walk,” where he finds Ponytail Dude and company in the woods. To nobody’s shock, we discover that Lucius hired the miscreants to stage the attack on the village and make him their hero again.
~ Lucius smugly stiffs Ponytail Dude out of the full payment for the raid and Ponytail Dude reveals that he and his cronies were Genii soldiers and Cowen’s personal guard. Team Shep, hiding in the bushes, overhears everything.
~ Back in the village square, Team Shep returns, one of Ponytail Dude’s goons in tow to explain to the town that Lucius set them up. Main Villager Guy calls John a liar and the rest of the villagers join in.
Main Villager Guy: Deceiver!
John: Yep, that’s Lucius for you.
Main Villager Guy: No, not him, you! You’ve besmirched our Lucius!
Other villagers: Yeah! That’s right!
Carson: No, no, you don’t know him like we do!
Rodney: We’re the good guys.
Other villagers: Boo! Hiss!
~ Once again, Team Shep feels morally superior and tells Lucius he’s not allowed to take advantage of the nice villagers. As they’re talking, shouting and gunshots are heard outside. Shep peeks out the curtain and sees Genii soldiers and Kolya in the square. Lucius wants to take them on so the villagers will have a parade in his honor.
Carson: This is bad.
John: You’re not taking on Kolya and his goons!
Lucius: Why not? I’ve got this handy personal shield which makes me invincible. And which could in no way, shape or form possibly malfunction and render me useless or dead.
Rodney: And what if they burn down the town around you out of spite?
Lucius: Well…that would be petty of them.
~ John wants to go kill Kolya but Teyla is the voice of reason and convinces him to hide until the Genii go away. Rodney prefers they call it “strategic concealment.”
~ Kolya, whose uniform jacket is bursting at the seams because he apparently has been eating pies during hiatus, tries to shoot Lucius, and when that doesn’t work, orders one of his goons to dunk Lucius’ head in a barrel until he tells them where Team Shep is. Oy. Boo, hiss, writers! Water shouldn’t be able to get in through the shield. What, are they making this shit up as they go along?
~ Lucius caves and the Geniis storm the place where Lucius hid them. But Team Shep isn’t there-they’re hiding upstairs.
~ John finds Lucius tied to a chair and when he crawls under the table to untie him, discovers a bundle of dynamite tied to the table leg and busts a move out of there.
John: Let’s go.
Lucius: I can’t, I’m tied to the chair.
John: *pained sigh*
Bundle of Dynamite: *sparkles alarmingly*
John: D’oh! *runs for cover* Yeah, good luck with that shield.
Bundle of Dynamite: *explodes frighteningly*
~ The rest of Team Shep is rounded up and captured in the square. John hightails it out of there as Lucius emerges from the wreckage of the explosion.
~ Kolya is dismayed to discover that Shep’s gone, and goes to shoot Ponytail Dude for failing. But the gun clicks impotently and PD thanks Kolya for sparing him and hustles off to find Shep. To show us that although he’s gone soft from eating pies on vacation, Kolya is still a badass, he hands the malfunctioning weapon to another goon and tells him to get it fixed, demonstrating that he really meant to kill PD (and therefore will stop at nothing to kill Shep.)
~ Team Shep, now Shep-less, is locked up in the village jail, discussing where their beloved Colonel is. Main Villager Guy brings them food and tells them he’s certain Shep and Lucius are plotting their rescue as they speak. The team attempts to convince MVG to let them out, but no dice.
MVG: Well, why didn’t you help before?
Teyla: We were worried about the safety of the village.
Ronon: Now we don’t care.
Rodney: Pretend he didn’t say that.
~ Lucius runs into Shep in the woods and then we’re back to Team Shepless doing the cell block tango. Rodney is attempting to dig their way out with a spoon. His hair is still adorably mussed.
~ Kolya tells Team Shepless he’s going to kill Shep and exchange the team for some stuff from Atlantis.
~ Back in the woods, Shep and Lucius see that the gate is well-guarded. Kolya radios Shep and tells him to come back and face him or he’ll start killing Team Shepless. Demonstrating that he knows what’s already obvious to legions of fangirls, Kolya chooses to start with John’s main weakness.
John: *scrunchy face of concern*
Kolya: Which one of them shall we kill first? *smirks knowingly* I’m leaning toward Dr. McKay myself. Colonel?
John: Kolya, this is Sheppard. I’m coming back.
Kolya: Don’t keep me waiting.
Rodney: That’s what this is all about? Killing Sheppard?
~ Lucius and John are bickering in the woods. Lucius has his heart set on a parade.
~ Team Shepless is released from their cell and herded to the village square
~ As he and John stroll merrily through the woods, Lucius is trying to come up with a plan.
Lucius: I’m just spitballing here…what if…we hugged each other? And…the device would, would…uh, you know, help us, w-
John: I don’t like that idea.
Lucius: No, I know, I don’t think it’s…
John: And it’s not possible!
Lucius: Yeah, it doesn’t work that way. Okay, okay, here’s-what-okay, what if I swung from a clock tower on a long rope right into town?
John: *scrunchy face of doubt* And?
Lucius: I don’t know. That’s all I have. I could set myself on fire?
John: I like that.
Lucius: Okay, um…I could run naked…oh, I know! What if I got on your shoulders…
~ Shep tells Lucius he’s got a plan. Lucius returns to the village and the people are happy to see him. He tells them they’ve got to stand up for themselves.
Main Villager Guy: You do not wish to help us?
Lucius: Oh, no, of course I want to help. It’s just…look, what if I wasn’t here? What would you do then?
MVG: Wait for you to come back?
~ And Buxom Serving Wench gives a soliloquy on independence and the villagers, they are inspired and rush off to do…something.
~ Back in the square, Kolya radios that John is out of time and calls for Rodney so he can shoot him. And awww…everybody loves Rodney!
Kolya: Dr. McKay!
Ronon: * stepping in front of Rodney* Me first.
Teyla: No, me.
Carson: I’ll do it.
Rodney: I’m-I-
Oh, woobie! The look on his face is so sweet.
~ Kolya trains his gun on Rodney and John yells out, walking into the square.
Kolya: I should have killed you when we first met. It would have saved me a lot of trouble.
John: The feeling’s mutual.
~ The Genii goons all start shooting at Shep, and in a twist that surprised exactly no one, the bullets are all deflected because John’s wearing the personal shield. Which, as we learned in Hide & Seek, is non-transferable. Oh, look! Another plot hole! And this one is particularly gaping.
~ And then the shield malfunctions, causing John to clutch his chest while looking wildly around and saying, “Oh, crap!” Hee.
~ Kolya orders the goons to reload, but just then, Lucius strolls into the square telling them not to bother. Villagers armed with pitchforks, gardening implements, baseball bats with a bent nail in the end, etc. swarm the square and get the drop on the goons.
John: If I gave you the opportunity to surrender, I don’t suppose you’d take it?
Fangirls: *facepalm*
Kolya: *laughs smarmily*
John: I didn’t think so.
Fangirls: *perk up*
~ And then it’s a showdown! With close-ups on Kolya and John’s faces and their twitchy fingers and whatnot. Kolya goes for his gun but John’s faster and he shoots Kolya without flinching.
Kolya: *dies unceremonially*
Fangirls: YAY! Finally.
John: *stares flintily*
Rodney: Eeee! You saved me!
~ And all is peaceful again in the village. They’re having schnitzel and everything.
~ John gives the shield back to Lucius and Team Shep, no longer Shepless, discuss the fact that the shield’s been depleted. In the background, Lucius tells a kid to kick him as hard as he can. Oh, those wacky writers. A guy getting nailed in the gosh-dangs is never not funny.