I posted something similar to this over on my DA journal, but I'm gonna do it here too, because frankly, AHHHHH I THINK MAH BRAYN IZ GO'N EXPLODE
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I kinda giggled at that. It's almost like you're trying to pitch writer's block, and I mean--man! You could sell that shit on the streets if you really wanted to, man. You're that good.
"Writer's block! I can dig it! So can you!"
No, I got what you're saying though. XD Thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot to me. :D ♥
I don't know WHY I'm having so much damn trouble with this particular part--hell, the entire second part of the story, really. For god's sake, the story is basically one of the oldest cliches in the book. I mean, how much more cheesy can you get than the whole "late night at the office" scenario? LORD.
Truth is, that paragraph, the one above, has been kicking my ass, and I'm kinda not sure which direction I should go after it's vanquished, really. Thoughts? Suggestions? :) I mean, while we're here.
I like how you dropped a lot of the adverbs--seemed to make the thing seem less...cluttered. >>; I suck when it comes to cluttered writing. I do it too much. To be honest, I rather like your edit better than my original. XD I more than likely will keep most of it.
Oh, yoooooooou. *glitters you and handwaves about* Ain't a worry at all, yo. That bit of tweaking took me all of three minutes, so. *g*
And, hey, now! They're clichés for a reason - generally, the reason being that they work and work well when executed awesomely! And there are totally ways to turn quasi-clichés on their heads.
And here, you could ... let's see.
*thinks*
Well, I'm guessin' it's gonna get a lil' bit NC-17, y/y? If so, I'm always a fan of the woman taking the initiative, and here, Eva could let her hand drop lower ... and lower ... and instigate a good ol' fashioned h-j, if that's not a completely terrible idea? It keeps her leaning over the chair, which is a bit unconventional (maybe? Or am I being silly?) I'd just assume most writers would have her come *gigglefits like a twelve-year-old* around the chair and sit in his lap, or circle the chair to offer a blow-jay. Or sit on the desk for boot-knockin'.
Dude. Dude. I don't need any more espresso tonight. *G*
So! Just a thought! And, again! Absolutely no obligation
( ... )
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"Writer's block! I can dig it! So can you!"
No, I got what you're saying though. XD Thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot to me. :D ♥
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Hey-oh, bebe! I have totally been reading, just failing at commenting as of late. Or, y'know, for, like, ever.
That said! *peeeeeeeeeeeers*
Okay. This is totally from the slash-and-burn school of editing, so! FEEL FREE TO IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE ME AND MY SILLINESS.
"At ease, Major ( ... )
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I don't know WHY I'm having so much damn trouble with this particular part--hell, the entire second part of the story, really. For god's sake, the story is basically one of the oldest cliches in the book. I mean, how much more cheesy can you get than the whole "late night at the office" scenario? LORD.
Truth is, that paragraph, the one above, has been kicking my ass, and I'm kinda not sure which direction I should go after it's vanquished, really. Thoughts? Suggestions? :) I mean, while we're here.
I like how you dropped a lot of the adverbs--seemed to make the thing seem less...cluttered. >>; I suck when it comes to cluttered writing. I do it too much. To be honest, I rather like your edit better than my original. XD I more than likely will keep most of it.
Reply
And, hey, now! They're clichés for a reason - generally, the reason being that they work and work well when executed awesomely! And there are totally ways to turn quasi-clichés on their heads.
And here, you could ... let's see.
*thinks*
Well, I'm guessin' it's gonna get a lil' bit NC-17, y/y? If so, I'm always a fan of the woman taking the initiative, and here, Eva could let her hand drop lower ... and lower ... and instigate a good ol' fashioned h-j, if that's not a completely terrible idea? It keeps her leaning over the chair, which is a bit unconventional (maybe? Or am I being silly?) I'd just assume most writers would have her come *gigglefits like a twelve-year-old* around the chair and sit in his lap, or circle the chair to offer a blow-jay. Or sit on the desk for boot-knockin'.
Dude. Dude. I don't need any more espresso tonight. *G*
So! Just a thought! And, again! Absolutely no obligation ( ... )
Reply
...if that's what happens when you drink espresso at night, I'd gladly donate to a fund to buy you a good year's supply. XD
If it's not too much to ask of you...would you mind terribly if I were to consult you on this crazy 24 project I've taken on? :)
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