Fic: Lover's Noose (G/Willow) FRT (part 1/5)
Author: Gilescandy ‘12
Rating: FRT , some language
Timeline: Season 4. The five episodes from ‘Pangs’ to ‘A New Man’.
Summary: Sequel to Lover’s Knot. When Spike returns, both Willow and Giles are in a period of crisis in their lives. How will they deal with Spike and each other, having the events of Lover's Knot in their past?
A/N: I highly recommend reading Lover’s Knot first so you understand what’s going on. For a quick and dirty plot highlight here - [ LK was a rewrite of Lover’s Walk in which Willow and Giles were the ones kidnapped. In order to hurt Willow and destroy Giles, Spike forced them to make a choice. Either Giles could watch as the vampire raped Willow, or he could have sex with her himself. Willow chose Giles. ]
Awards :
Lover’s Noose
Part 1 - Pangs
Willow looked up at the stars for a moment, trying their best to shine through the hazy, late autumn sky. She knew only a fraction of them could compete with the lights that flooded Sunnydale at night, but those that did had always comforted her. With a sigh, she returned to the job of sweeping up the dirt and shattered pot fragments in the courtyard of Giles’ building.
It had been a strange holiday. Not that her family had ever celebrated Thanksgiving, but she knew enough to realize most people don’t spend the day fighting vengeance spirits. At least, not real ones. And then there was Spike showing up.
“Hey, Wills,” Xander interrupted her thoughts. “It seems like Giles and Buffy have things under control in there. Well, at least the dishes are getting washed instead of broken. Anya’s gonna take me home and put me to bed.”
“Oh,” Willow smiled, “okay. You do still look a little green around the gills. Better get some good rest.”
She watched them walk off and resumed her sweeping, and thinking. Oh yes, Spike. The last time she’d seen him was in the dorm when he came to kill her. It didn’t surprise her much to see him stumble in, begging for help, after that. What was the big surprise was how well Giles was keeping himself in check. The last time he’d seen the vampire was that night, almost exactly a year ago. The night when Spike had forced a desperate decision on them. The night when everything and nothing changed between them. The night when, to save her from the ravages of a demon, Giles had shared himself with her.
“Willow,” Buffy’s voice broke in. “Everything’s almost done. I’m going out on patrol.”
Willow laughed at the hurried look in her eyes. “Go on, try to catch up with Angel. I’ll stay to help Giles finish up.”
“Thanks, Will. Tell Giles I’ll be back to deal with Spike later.”
The witch’s eyes suddenly went wide. “Oh God, Giles is in there alone with Spike.”
“No worries!” Buffy called back as she ran off. “Even if Spike’s lying, there’s no way he can hurt Giles.”
“Giles isn’t the one I’m worried about,” Willow whispered as she dropped the broom and sprinted for the door.
***
Spike’s jaw clenched in pain as Giles gave the stake another twist, inching it that much closer to the vampire’s heart. “I knew I could count on you, Watcher,” Spike groaned through gritted teeth. “Not the type to forget or forgive. Come on then! Do it to me.”
Willow could see that this was not the first stake Giles had grabbed. There were three more sticking out of various parts of Spike’s torso. But, with the look of hatred in Giles’ eyes as he pressed in a little deeper, she knew this one was meant to kill.
“Did you expect me to ever forget what you did to her?” the Watcher growled. “I told you I’d kill you one day, Spike.”
“Why do you think I came here? To play the Slayer’s lap dog? I’m a vampire who can’t hunt. Just dust me and get it over with!”
As he was about to add the final thrust, Willow’s light hand slid onto the fist that held the stake. Giles let out a long, shaky breath as he looked at her. His hand still trembling with rage, he slowly relinquished the weapon to her. “Yes,” he sighed, “it should be you, Willow. You’re the one he hurt the most.”
Willow smiled sadly at him as she wrapped her small hand around the stake. She watched his eyes go wide with disbelief when she suddenly yanked the stake out of Spike’s body. Throwing her hands against the Watcher’s chest, she pushed him back a couple of paces before he could lunge at the vampire again.
“We can’t kill him, Giles,” she whispered soothingly. “Buffy needs him. If he does have information, we need to find out what he knows.”
“Oi! What’s goin’ on here?”
Both ignored the vampire as Giles stared at Willow with confusion in his wide, wild eyes. “How can you stand…? After what he did to you, how can you tolerate him living one moment longer?”
“What did he do to me? Giles, all I remember him doing was to prove to me again what a wonderful man you are. Nothing happened that we couldn’t handle. Nothing changed between us.”
Spike began to laugh. “What I did had no effect… Yeah, right! I give you people a year to simmer and come back to something bloody brilliant. You two at each other’s throats like an old married couple. The wolf-boy nowhere to be seen. What, he couldn’t handle being second to an old man? And the Slayer, gotta tell ya, not the most stable I’ve ever seen her.”
“None of that has anything to do with you!” Willow exclaimed, turning toward him while physically holding Giles back. “Oz had to go figure out some stuff. He never had a problem with what you made us do. He knew Giles was only protecting me. And, so what, Giles and I argued a little today. We’re both adults. We respect each other’s opinions. It’s not unheard of for two people to disagree about something. And, well… There’s no way it had any effect at all on Buffy because…”
Willow looked up at Giles, unsure if she’d gone too far. Spike’s grin went wide with comprehension. “You never told her! Slayer doesn’t know that dad and little sis made the beast with two backs. That dear old Watcher crawled right up inside her best friend and grunted and groaned his way to-”
“Must you be so vulgar!?!” Giles roared.
“I bet the lad has no idea either,” Spike continued. “Bet he still thinks little Willow has that special place in her heart saved for him. Doesn’t even suspect she has a dark, damp, special little place saved just for his old librarian.”
By now Willow was having to dig her heels into the rug just to keep the man at her back at bay. “Spike,” she said in an eerily calm voice. “You know that if I let him go right now, he’ll kill you before you can say another word. You keep talking just to remind him how much he hates you.” Her voice dropped to a lower tone, more menacing than either man knew she could manage. “But I know that’s what you want. You were once a master among vampires. Now you’re just pathetic. You can’t hunt, can’t take care of yourself. Why should I end your suffering? I’m not the frightened little girl you remember. I have power now. Power to make you suffer more than you ever thought possible.”
Spike’s eyes jumped from the girl to the man behind her, who had the same shocked expression on his face he was sure he wore. He sputtered a bit, not knowing if she was bluffing. “Well… How ‘bout if I just tell the Slayer what you did?”
“You mean what you did. Yes, she would want to kill you, too. But do you really think it would change what she feels about us? Do you think I can’t stop her from dusting you, just like I did him?”
Spike swallowed hard. Something had certainly changed in the little witch. He would never have guessed such a cold, intense look could make its home on that sweet face.
“In fact,” Willow continued, “go ahead and tell her. You can also tell her how good we were together. And how much you liked watching. Do you still like to watch, Spike?”
The girl suddenly swung around and grabbed the front of Giles’ shirt, pulling him down into a crushing kiss. The Watcher was stunned for a moment. He froze, his brain slow to process what was happening. He’d never kissed Willow before. Not like this. Not even that night. He’d made sure of it. He wanted the intimacy of the kiss to be one thing he wasn’t forced to steal from her. But why was she kissing him now?
Giles gripped her shoulders and gently pushed her back. “What-what are you doing?” he gasped.
“I’m showing Spike how much none of this matters. How you and I can do anything we want and it won’t make any difference.” She grabbed the hem of her shirt. “In fact, I’ve seen you all naked. I think it’s about time you got your peek.”
Giles managed to catch her arms as she brought them up and wrestle the clothing back onto her body. He pinned her arms at her sides and stared into her eyes for a moment. They had a feral, desperate look in them, and it frightened him.
He glanced at the insufferable smirk on Spike’s face and turned, dragging Willow behind him. “Come with me.”
Giles slammed the bathroom door and leaned heavily against it, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He knew the distance and the door was not enough to defeat the vampire’s hearing, but at least he wouldn’t have to see that smirk. “Now, what is this?”
“What?” Willow put on an innocent face. “I was just showing Spike-”
“This has nothing to do with Spike. Yes, he may have been the trigger, but he has no power here. Something else is making you behave like this.”
“It’s been such a tense day,” Willow gave him her best shy smile. “I thought it would do us both some good to let off a little steam.”
Giles studied her eyes once again. The truth in them cut through the innocence she was trying to feign. They were dark and full of need, and hunger, and despair. Unnervingly predatory. “Not this way, Willow,” his soft voice nearly begged. “It can never happen again.”
“But I can still remember the way you made me feel. Even though we were prisoners and being threatened and being forced to do something we shouldn’t, you made me feel more amazing than I ever have.” She stepped towards him, laying a small hand on his chest. “I need something, Giles. And I know what you can do for me. I need you.”
Giles closed his eyes as a tremor ran through his body at the feelings and memories her gentle touch stirred. “I c-can’t. You know I can’t, Willow.”
She stepped in closer, trapping him in the corner with the heat pouring off her slender body. Her second hand joined the tender exploration of his chest. “I’m not a child anymore. You don’t need to protect me from everything. Look at me, Giles. Please see the woman I’ve become.”
He caught her wrists and slowly pushed her hands from his body. “No…” he whispered carefully. “This isn’t what you need right now. If I did what you’re asking, I would be guilty of taking advantage of your grief. I could never do that. And if you were the adult you claim to be, you wouldn’t put me in such a position.”
“God!” Willow screamed, ripping her hands from his loose grip. “Why is it I’m always the victim with you? Why can’t I be the one taking advantage of you? Why are my feelings always wrong?” She turned and stalked away from him, shaking with anger.
“Not wrong.” Giles reached out, but refrained from touching her. No good would come from that at the moment. “Just ill-timed and somewhat inappropriate. You’re a beautiful, young girl going through a difficult time right now. And you know I’d do anything in my power to help you…”
She swung back around, her eyes blazing with anger. “Then fuck me damnit!”
Giles looked as if he’d just been slapped in the face. His eyes suddenly hardened as he stared directly into the fire of her rage. “This isn’t all about you,” he hissed. “I am not some bandage for you to slap on whenever your self-esteem drops a bit. And I will not let you use me as a substitute for Oz.”
“This has nothing to do with him,” Willow growled.
“Oh, I think it does. I think it has everything to do with him. We’ve been perfectly at ease with each other for a year now. He leaves and you suddenly decide to turn to me for meaningless sex. It doesn’t work that way, Willow. Not for me. Not with you.”
“It’s your fault, you know!” the young witch screeched at him. “He left because of you. Because he knew he could never make me feel that way. Because I still have dreams all the time, and his was never the name I whispered in my sleep.”
“And you don’t think I dream about you, too!” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.
Surprise joined the anger on Willow’s face. “You dream of me?” she breathed.
Giles took a deep breath and calmed himself a bit. “What do you see when you look at me? I am a man, plain and simple. I’d think you more than any of the others would remember that. And, as a man who has lived some years, I’ve learned many of my shortcomings and limitations. Willow, Love, I’ve never lied to you about the way you made me feel that night. If I allowed it to happen again, if I let myself feel what I felt with you… You would be a drug to me. More addictive than any of the illicit substances or dark magicks I experimented with in my youth. If you became mine one more time, I don’t know if I’d have the strength to let go. And you deserve so much more than I have to give.”
“So let me get this straight,” Willow began in a low voice. “We can’t be together, in a way we already have anyway, to give each other a little comfort when we’re both sad and lonely, because I would make you feel too good?” Giles gave a tentative nod. “I don’t believe you!” she yelled.
“What reason would I have to lie to you?”
“No. Not ‘I don’t believe you’.” She gestured her hand erratically to indicate all of him. “I don’t believe you!”
“Love…”
“Don’t you ‘Love’ me!” The angry red was growing again on Willow’s cheeks. “And, you know what? I do remember you’re a man. Sometimes I wish you were more of a man than you are. A real man wouldn’t turn me down like this and just let me suffer. A real man would jump at what I’m offering.”
Giles focused on the floor, determined not to retaliate at the abuse. He knew everything was coming from a place of pain inside the girl. Deep down, Willow didn’t really want to hurt him. No more than he wanted to hurt her.
“Tell me this,” he said softly, with just a glance up at her tight, twisted face. “Can you see us being together in any way other than random, secret nights that are nothing more than purely physical? Would I ever be more than just a convenient fuck?”
The girl’s lips tightened into a straight line. She didn’t answer. Even in her rage and grief she knew better than to lie to him about something so important. And, in that moment, she had no answer to the question.
“I’ve done that before, Willow. It never works out well, and we two have the kind of friendship that’s way too precious to risk on such foolishness.” His voice dropped to barely audible. “Besides, if I took you to my bed, I could do nothing less than make love to you.”
“You don’t love me,” Willow growled, pushing by him to exit the bathroom.
“Willow,” Giles followed her into the living room. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going home,” she snapped.
“It’s too dangerous for you to walk back to the dorm at this time of night. Please let me take you.”
She wheeled on him, her eyes flashing. “There’s only one place I want you to take me right now. And we’ve already established that’s not happening.” She stalked over to Spike and began savagely yanking the remaining stakes out of his body. “I suggest you not say anything to him,” she hissed, “because he will kill you.”
“Willow, please…”
“Look,” she held up the stakes, “I have protection. Just leave me alone.” Willow scooped up her bag and stormed out the door.
Giles hurriedly followed. “I will not let you leave my home upset and vulnerable.”
“Just try to stop me! In fact, I dare a vamp to try it right now!” she screeched into the night.
At a loss, Giles worriedly watched her stomp down the street and turn the corner.
“Hey, Giles. What’s going on? I thought I heard yelling.”
He spun towards the voice and nearly sobbed in relief. “Buffy, thank the lord. Willow has just left very upset. She wouldn’t let me drive her home.”
“What happened?” Buffy’s eyes narrowed. “Did Spike say something to upset her?”
“Something like that. Please catch up to her and see her home safely.”
Buffy glanced at his opened door. “You gonna be all right until morning?”
“I can handle Spike. Just, please take care of Willow.”
***
Giles sighed heavily as he closed his apartment door. It had been a long and trying day and he was suddenly extremely tired. Despite his fatigue, he knew he wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon because of his worry for Willow. He’d done the right thing. He’d done the only thing he could in good conscience.
As he started toward the stairs, Spike’s chuckling stabbed at him like thousands of needles. “Yep, you two are just fine.”
In a sudden motion, Giles swept up an unused serving spoon from the table, and drove it between Spike’s ribs and into his heart. As the vampire screamed in pain, the Watcher spun, kicking him in the face and sending him and his chair to the floor. Spike stared up at the fierce face hovering over him.
“Willow was right,” Giles glowered. “You aren’t even worth killing.” He left Spike on the floor in pain and went up to bed.
Part 2- Something Blue
Rating: FRT , some language
Timeline: Season 4. The five episodes from ‘Pangs’ to ‘A New Man’.
Summary: Sequel to Lover’s Knot. When Spike returns, both Willow and Giles are in a period of crisis in their lives. How will they deal with Spike and each other, having the events of Lover's Knot in their past?
A/N: I highly recommend reading Lover’s Knot first so you understand what’s going on. For a quick and dirty plot highlight here - [ LK was a rewrite of Lover’s Walk in which Willow and Giles were the ones kidnapped. In order to hurt Willow and destroy Giles, Spike forced them to make a choice. Either Giles could watch as the vampire raped Willow, or he could have sex with her himself. Willow chose Giles. ]
Awards :
Lover’s Noose
Part 1 - Pangs
Willow looked up at the stars for a moment, trying their best to shine through the hazy, late autumn sky. She knew only a fraction of them could compete with the lights that flooded Sunnydale at night, but those that did had always comforted her. With a sigh, she returned to the job of sweeping up the dirt and shattered pot fragments in the courtyard of Giles’ building.
It had been a strange holiday. Not that her family had ever celebrated Thanksgiving, but she knew enough to realize most people don’t spend the day fighting vengeance spirits. At least, not real ones. And then there was Spike showing up.
“Hey, Wills,” Xander interrupted her thoughts. “It seems like Giles and Buffy have things under control in there. Well, at least the dishes are getting washed instead of broken. Anya’s gonna take me home and put me to bed.”
“Oh,” Willow smiled, “okay. You do still look a little green around the gills. Better get some good rest.”
She watched them walk off and resumed her sweeping, and thinking. Oh yes, Spike. The last time she’d seen him was in the dorm when he came to kill her. It didn’t surprise her much to see him stumble in, begging for help, after that. What was the big surprise was how well Giles was keeping himself in check. The last time he’d seen the vampire was that night, almost exactly a year ago. The night when Spike had forced a desperate decision on them. The night when everything and nothing changed between them. The night when, to save her from the ravages of a demon, Giles had shared himself with her.
“Willow,” Buffy’s voice broke in. “Everything’s almost done. I’m going out on patrol.”
Willow laughed at the hurried look in her eyes. “Go on, try to catch up with Angel. I’ll stay to help Giles finish up.”
“Thanks, Will. Tell Giles I’ll be back to deal with Spike later.”
The witch’s eyes suddenly went wide. “Oh God, Giles is in there alone with Spike.”
“No worries!” Buffy called back as she ran off. “Even if Spike’s lying, there’s no way he can hurt Giles.”
“Giles isn’t the one I’m worried about,” Willow whispered as she dropped the broom and sprinted for the door.
***
Spike’s jaw clenched in pain as Giles gave the stake another twist, inching it that much closer to the vampire’s heart. “I knew I could count on you, Watcher,” Spike groaned through gritted teeth. “Not the type to forget or forgive. Come on then! Do it to me.”
Willow could see that this was not the first stake Giles had grabbed. There were three more sticking out of various parts of Spike’s torso. But, with the look of hatred in Giles’ eyes as he pressed in a little deeper, she knew this one was meant to kill.
“Did you expect me to ever forget what you did to her?” the Watcher growled. “I told you I’d kill you one day, Spike.”
“Why do you think I came here? To play the Slayer’s lap dog? I’m a vampire who can’t hunt. Just dust me and get it over with!”
As he was about to add the final thrust, Willow’s light hand slid onto the fist that held the stake. Giles let out a long, shaky breath as he looked at her. His hand still trembling with rage, he slowly relinquished the weapon to her. “Yes,” he sighed, “it should be you, Willow. You’re the one he hurt the most.”
Willow smiled sadly at him as she wrapped her small hand around the stake. She watched his eyes go wide with disbelief when she suddenly yanked the stake out of Spike’s body. Throwing her hands against the Watcher’s chest, she pushed him back a couple of paces before he could lunge at the vampire again.
“We can’t kill him, Giles,” she whispered soothingly. “Buffy needs him. If he does have information, we need to find out what he knows.”
“Oi! What’s goin’ on here?”
Both ignored the vampire as Giles stared at Willow with confusion in his wide, wild eyes. “How can you stand…? After what he did to you, how can you tolerate him living one moment longer?”
“What did he do to me? Giles, all I remember him doing was to prove to me again what a wonderful man you are. Nothing happened that we couldn’t handle. Nothing changed between us.”
Spike began to laugh. “What I did had no effect… Yeah, right! I give you people a year to simmer and come back to something bloody brilliant. You two at each other’s throats like an old married couple. The wolf-boy nowhere to be seen. What, he couldn’t handle being second to an old man? And the Slayer, gotta tell ya, not the most stable I’ve ever seen her.”
“None of that has anything to do with you!” Willow exclaimed, turning toward him while physically holding Giles back. “Oz had to go figure out some stuff. He never had a problem with what you made us do. He knew Giles was only protecting me. And, so what, Giles and I argued a little today. We’re both adults. We respect each other’s opinions. It’s not unheard of for two people to disagree about something. And, well… There’s no way it had any effect at all on Buffy because…”
Willow looked up at Giles, unsure if she’d gone too far. Spike’s grin went wide with comprehension. “You never told her! Slayer doesn’t know that dad and little sis made the beast with two backs. That dear old Watcher crawled right up inside her best friend and grunted and groaned his way to-”
“Must you be so vulgar!?!” Giles roared.
“I bet the lad has no idea either,” Spike continued. “Bet he still thinks little Willow has that special place in her heart saved for him. Doesn’t even suspect she has a dark, damp, special little place saved just for his old librarian.”
By now Willow was having to dig her heels into the rug just to keep the man at her back at bay. “Spike,” she said in an eerily calm voice. “You know that if I let him go right now, he’ll kill you before you can say another word. You keep talking just to remind him how much he hates you.” Her voice dropped to a lower tone, more menacing than either man knew she could manage. “But I know that’s what you want. You were once a master among vampires. Now you’re just pathetic. You can’t hunt, can’t take care of yourself. Why should I end your suffering? I’m not the frightened little girl you remember. I have power now. Power to make you suffer more than you ever thought possible.”
Spike’s eyes jumped from the girl to the man behind her, who had the same shocked expression on his face he was sure he wore. He sputtered a bit, not knowing if she was bluffing. “Well… How ‘bout if I just tell the Slayer what you did?”
“You mean what you did. Yes, she would want to kill you, too. But do you really think it would change what she feels about us? Do you think I can’t stop her from dusting you, just like I did him?”
Spike swallowed hard. Something had certainly changed in the little witch. He would never have guessed such a cold, intense look could make its home on that sweet face.
“In fact,” Willow continued, “go ahead and tell her. You can also tell her how good we were together. And how much you liked watching. Do you still like to watch, Spike?”
The girl suddenly swung around and grabbed the front of Giles’ shirt, pulling him down into a crushing kiss. The Watcher was stunned for a moment. He froze, his brain slow to process what was happening. He’d never kissed Willow before. Not like this. Not even that night. He’d made sure of it. He wanted the intimacy of the kiss to be one thing he wasn’t forced to steal from her. But why was she kissing him now?
Giles gripped her shoulders and gently pushed her back. “What-what are you doing?” he gasped.
“I’m showing Spike how much none of this matters. How you and I can do anything we want and it won’t make any difference.” She grabbed the hem of her shirt. “In fact, I’ve seen you all naked. I think it’s about time you got your peek.”
Giles managed to catch her arms as she brought them up and wrestle the clothing back onto her body. He pinned her arms at her sides and stared into her eyes for a moment. They had a feral, desperate look in them, and it frightened him.
He glanced at the insufferable smirk on Spike’s face and turned, dragging Willow behind him. “Come with me.”
Giles slammed the bathroom door and leaned heavily against it, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He knew the distance and the door was not enough to defeat the vampire’s hearing, but at least he wouldn’t have to see that smirk. “Now, what is this?”
“What?” Willow put on an innocent face. “I was just showing Spike-”
“This has nothing to do with Spike. Yes, he may have been the trigger, but he has no power here. Something else is making you behave like this.”
“It’s been such a tense day,” Willow gave him her best shy smile. “I thought it would do us both some good to let off a little steam.”
Giles studied her eyes once again. The truth in them cut through the innocence she was trying to feign. They were dark and full of need, and hunger, and despair. Unnervingly predatory. “Not this way, Willow,” his soft voice nearly begged. “It can never happen again.”
“But I can still remember the way you made me feel. Even though we were prisoners and being threatened and being forced to do something we shouldn’t, you made me feel more amazing than I ever have.” She stepped towards him, laying a small hand on his chest. “I need something, Giles. And I know what you can do for me. I need you.”
Giles closed his eyes as a tremor ran through his body at the feelings and memories her gentle touch stirred. “I c-can’t. You know I can’t, Willow.”
She stepped in closer, trapping him in the corner with the heat pouring off her slender body. Her second hand joined the tender exploration of his chest. “I’m not a child anymore. You don’t need to protect me from everything. Look at me, Giles. Please see the woman I’ve become.”
He caught her wrists and slowly pushed her hands from his body. “No…” he whispered carefully. “This isn’t what you need right now. If I did what you’re asking, I would be guilty of taking advantage of your grief. I could never do that. And if you were the adult you claim to be, you wouldn’t put me in such a position.”
“God!” Willow screamed, ripping her hands from his loose grip. “Why is it I’m always the victim with you? Why can’t I be the one taking advantage of you? Why are my feelings always wrong?” She turned and stalked away from him, shaking with anger.
“Not wrong.” Giles reached out, but refrained from touching her. No good would come from that at the moment. “Just ill-timed and somewhat inappropriate. You’re a beautiful, young girl going through a difficult time right now. And you know I’d do anything in my power to help you…”
She swung back around, her eyes blazing with anger. “Then fuck me damnit!”
Giles looked as if he’d just been slapped in the face. His eyes suddenly hardened as he stared directly into the fire of her rage. “This isn’t all about you,” he hissed. “I am not some bandage for you to slap on whenever your self-esteem drops a bit. And I will not let you use me as a substitute for Oz.”
“This has nothing to do with him,” Willow growled.
“Oh, I think it does. I think it has everything to do with him. We’ve been perfectly at ease with each other for a year now. He leaves and you suddenly decide to turn to me for meaningless sex. It doesn’t work that way, Willow. Not for me. Not with you.”
“It’s your fault, you know!” the young witch screeched at him. “He left because of you. Because he knew he could never make me feel that way. Because I still have dreams all the time, and his was never the name I whispered in my sleep.”
“And you don’t think I dream about you, too!” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.
Surprise joined the anger on Willow’s face. “You dream of me?” she breathed.
Giles took a deep breath and calmed himself a bit. “What do you see when you look at me? I am a man, plain and simple. I’d think you more than any of the others would remember that. And, as a man who has lived some years, I’ve learned many of my shortcomings and limitations. Willow, Love, I’ve never lied to you about the way you made me feel that night. If I allowed it to happen again, if I let myself feel what I felt with you… You would be a drug to me. More addictive than any of the illicit substances or dark magicks I experimented with in my youth. If you became mine one more time, I don’t know if I’d have the strength to let go. And you deserve so much more than I have to give.”
“So let me get this straight,” Willow began in a low voice. “We can’t be together, in a way we already have anyway, to give each other a little comfort when we’re both sad and lonely, because I would make you feel too good?” Giles gave a tentative nod. “I don’t believe you!” she yelled.
“What reason would I have to lie to you?”
“No. Not ‘I don’t believe you’.” She gestured her hand erratically to indicate all of him. “I don’t believe you!”
“Love…”
“Don’t you ‘Love’ me!” The angry red was growing again on Willow’s cheeks. “And, you know what? I do remember you’re a man. Sometimes I wish you were more of a man than you are. A real man wouldn’t turn me down like this and just let me suffer. A real man would jump at what I’m offering.”
Giles focused on the floor, determined not to retaliate at the abuse. He knew everything was coming from a place of pain inside the girl. Deep down, Willow didn’t really want to hurt him. No more than he wanted to hurt her.
“Tell me this,” he said softly, with just a glance up at her tight, twisted face. “Can you see us being together in any way other than random, secret nights that are nothing more than purely physical? Would I ever be more than just a convenient fuck?”
The girl’s lips tightened into a straight line. She didn’t answer. Even in her rage and grief she knew better than to lie to him about something so important. And, in that moment, she had no answer to the question.
“I’ve done that before, Willow. It never works out well, and we two have the kind of friendship that’s way too precious to risk on such foolishness.” His voice dropped to barely audible. “Besides, if I took you to my bed, I could do nothing less than make love to you.”
“You don’t love me,” Willow growled, pushing by him to exit the bathroom.
“Willow,” Giles followed her into the living room. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going home,” she snapped.
“It’s too dangerous for you to walk back to the dorm at this time of night. Please let me take you.”
She wheeled on him, her eyes flashing. “There’s only one place I want you to take me right now. And we’ve already established that’s not happening.” She stalked over to Spike and began savagely yanking the remaining stakes out of his body. “I suggest you not say anything to him,” she hissed, “because he will kill you.”
“Willow, please…”
“Look,” she held up the stakes, “I have protection. Just leave me alone.” Willow scooped up her bag and stormed out the door.
Giles hurriedly followed. “I will not let you leave my home upset and vulnerable.”
“Just try to stop me! In fact, I dare a vamp to try it right now!” she screeched into the night.
At a loss, Giles worriedly watched her stomp down the street and turn the corner.
“Hey, Giles. What’s going on? I thought I heard yelling.”
He spun towards the voice and nearly sobbed in relief. “Buffy, thank the lord. Willow has just left very upset. She wouldn’t let me drive her home.”
“What happened?” Buffy’s eyes narrowed. “Did Spike say something to upset her?”
“Something like that. Please catch up to her and see her home safely.”
Buffy glanced at his opened door. “You gonna be all right until morning?”
“I can handle Spike. Just, please take care of Willow.”
***
Giles sighed heavily as he closed his apartment door. It had been a long and trying day and he was suddenly extremely tired. Despite his fatigue, he knew he wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon because of his worry for Willow. He’d done the right thing. He’d done the only thing he could in good conscience.
As he started toward the stairs, Spike’s chuckling stabbed at him like thousands of needles. “Yep, you two are just fine.”
In a sudden motion, Giles swept up an unused serving spoon from the table, and drove it between Spike’s ribs and into his heart. As the vampire screamed in pain, the Watcher spun, kicking him in the face and sending him and his chair to the floor. Spike stared up at the fierce face hovering over him.
“Willow was right,” Giles glowered. “You aren’t even worth killing.” He left Spike on the floor in pain and went up to bed.
Part 2- Something Blue