Such A Comfort to Me 5f
Rating: R
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Summary: Kurt reconciles with Blaine.
Part 5e
***
Blaine’s eyes tracked the slow movement down the stairs and then, there he was, his ex-boyfriend standing in front of him, the dim light throwing odd shadows across his face but doing nothing to detract from his beauty.He sat up, his nudity forgotten, as he whispered his former lover’s name brokenly.
“You’re in my bed, Blaine.”
Blaine looked around him forlornly at the rumpled sheets before glancing back to the tall brunet. “You’re here,” he said shakily, his face crumpling at the realization of what Kurt must’ve just seen. “Why? Why are you here?”
“I came for you.”
Blaine’s chin wavered and tears filled his eyes as he lifted his eyes to meet Kurt’s. “What?”
“I miss you, Blaine. So much,” he paused at Blaine’s teary sob, “I can’t stand it….being without you. You’re my best friend and the love of my life.”
Blaine’s breath hitched at the confession and his emotional dam burst. “I’m-I’m so sorry!” he cried. “I never meant for it to happen. It was never supposed to be like th-”
“Shhh,” Kurt soothed. “I know. I listened to every voicemail and read every text and email you sent. I know you’re sorry, I believe you. It’s just taken me some time to be able to get over my anger and disappointment and guilt. But I know what I want now. The question is do you want it too?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
“You want to be with me?”
“Always. I love you so much, Kurt.”
Kurt nodded. “Well then, you better get in there and tell that boy why you can’t be with him anymore.” He turned and moved back towards the stairs. “I’ll be waiting upstairs when you’re done.”
Blaine stood, not ready for the moment to be over. “Kurt?”
“I-I love you too, Blaine. Come and find me when you’re done, okay?”
“Okay.”
***
Kurt jumped in his seat on the couch as the front door slammed shut.
Burt grimaced, “Well, that could’ve been much worse.”
Kurt picked at his scarf nervously, waiting for Blaine to appear, becoming more anxious as the minutes ticked by. “What’s taking so long?!”
“It’ll be okay, kiddo,” Burt stood and patted Kurt’s shoulder as he headed off to bed. “I’ll see you tomorrow, bud.”
A few more minutes dragged by and he leaped off the couch to start pacing in the lounge. More than once he found himself in the hallway stalking towards the basement doorway but he forced himself to turn back every time. Blaine agreed he was going to come to Kurt. He had to trust him with this one little thing. But soon, visions of Blaine lying on the bathroom floor stabbed repeatedly with cuticle scissors came to mind and Kurt had to wrack his memory to figure out if he even left a pair of cuticle scissors behind when he’d packed for New York.
Eventually, he found himself in front of the window and pulled the drapes back, trying to peer outside into the darkness but seeing nothing but his own reflection. His gaze dropped away. He had no interest in seeing himself alone anymore. But then, there was a flash of movement behind him and his eyes locked with Blaine’s reflected gaze in the windowpane as the shorter boy stood calmly in the middle of the room.
“You’re alive,” Kurt cheered softly.
Blaine cocked his head in confusion. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting but I had to take a shower and change the sheets.”
“Of course.” He turned to face the other boy, taking in the maroon cardigan and dark jeans he was wearing.
Blaine rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Wow, so this is weird. I’ve spent so much time thinking about this very moment and all the things I want to say but…”
“…Now it’s real and you’re drawing a blank?” Kurt asked. “Yeah, me too,” he chuckled as Blaine nodded along in agreement.
“Can I hug you?”
Kurt nodded solemnly and took a step forwards. Blaine followed suit, hesitating for a second before wrapping his arms around Kurt’s waist and stepping in to hold him tightly. They sighed in unison as their bodies reveled in the feeling of home.
“I missed you so much, Kurt. I don’t even know where to begin,” Blaine sniffled.
“Me too. I missed you like crazy.”
They fell silent then as they held one another, not knowing what to say but unwilling to let each other go for even a second.
“Are you tired?” Blaine asked as Kurt’s sigh turned into a yawn.
“A little. It’s been an emotional day, y’know.”
Blaine chuckled wetly as he nodded against Kurt’s neck.
Kurt hummed. “C’mon, let’s go lie down and we can catch up,” he suggested as he pulled away and led Blaine downstairs by the hand.
***
Kurt climbed under the covers and rolled onto his side to face Blaine, hand pillowed under his face.
“Where do you want to start?” Blaine asked.
“Tell me about Chandler.”
“He-what do you want to know?” Blaine asked even as Kurt shrugged. “He is-was very nice. I dunno, he made me feel good. Not like that. I mean, yeah like that too, but not in the beginning. Not when we first met.”
“How?”
“He’s…intense but in a good way. Like, he just wants to know everything about you, what you’re doing and he’s always asking questions to see how I am or what I think about something.”
“He gave you a lot of attention.”
“Yeah,” Blaine swallowed nervously and kept his eyes on Kurt’s hand lying on the bed between them. “I-I felt like I was invisible there for a while. A long time actually, well before you left. And then he was there and he could see me, he wanted to see me.” He glanced at Kurt’s glassy eyes. “I wanted you to see me. I wanted you to want to see me but you were so determined to get away from here, f-from me…and once you weren’t here anymore, I-I didn’t want to you to feel like you had to choose between me and the city.”
Kurt sniffed as a tear escaped onto the pillow. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I’ve been kicking myself repeatedly, and I made sure to wear the metal capped Oxfords for that…,” pausing as Blaine smiled weakly before continuing, “I’m sorry for taking you for granted, just expecting you to be there when I needed you and forgetting that you need me just as much. I-”
“I should never have let it get to that point though, Kurt,” Blaine cut in. “I-I didn’t,” he sighed. “I haven’t handled things very well. Not when you left, not when we broke up, not with Chandler - at least, in the beginning.”
Kurt laid his hand over Blaine’s as a sign to continue.
“Sometimes it’s seems easier…safer to not say anything, to not call someone out, to not confront them, to not be honest about the situation. My parents do it all the time. Every weekend they miss spending at home. Every conversation we’ve had about you being just my ‘special friend’. Every time they ask me how I am without actually wanting to know how I am.”
“And”, he continued, “sometimes you can let the little stuff slide. But the big stuff? The stuff that makes you feel bad...and when it happens again and again?” he shook his head. “And I just let it happen, Kurt. I didn’t tell you that I was unhappy, that I felt ignored. I didn’t do anything to stop it because I was so scared I was going to lose you, so I just put my head in the sand and let it happen anyway by making the biggest mistake of my life.”
Kurt squeezed his hand in comfort.
“And then I did it again when you ended it. I did everything I could to avoid dealing with my feelings even though I couldn’t stop thinking about you and it killed me, Kurt…knowing that I’d brought this on myself.”
“But something changed?” Kurt asked hesitantly trying to catch Blaine’s gaze.
Blaine nodded and looked into Kurt’s eyes. “When I started seeing Chandler, it was for the wrong reasons. I used him as a distraction and as a substitute for you. I wasn’t honest about the feelings I still had for you or the lack of feelings I had for him and it was like that for quite a while before he asked about you, indirectly, and I realized that I could lie or gloss over us but I didn’t want to sweep everything that you and I had under the carpet so, in the end, I told him everything. About us. About me. About why I was with him.”
“And he stayed?”
“Yeah. Oh, he was pissed but he told me he loved me and wanted to try even if I wasn’t ready to say it back or to officially be his boyfriend just yet. That-that was a couple of weeks ago, before Thanksgiving.”
“And tonight?”
“I-it was hard but I had to be honest with him. I think he was kind of expecting it actually.” Blaine grimaced. “He deserves someone who’ll love him for him but it’s not me.”
“Blaine…if we’re really going to do this, we can’t keep secrets from each other.”
“And we have to be willing to hear the other person out.”
“Even if it means asking the hard questions,” Kurt agreed.
“And we both have to make time for each other.”
“And if we do something with someone else that would make the other person upset, we don’t do it again, we talk about it.”
Blaine paused, “Kurt?” He watched as Kurt’s gaze dropped away guiltily. “Have you…do you want to talk about it?”
“I-I dated a couple of guys.”
“You slept with them?”
Kurt nodded.
Blaine frowned for a moment. “Bu-Look, I don’t like it but you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know….but it still felt wrong. And…I might have called Sebastian.”
“Wha-Why?”
“I know you said it wasn’t Sebastian you were with but I didn’t believe you so I called him to…I don’t know…confirm another betrayal while I ranted and slung death threats. I wasn’t in the best frame of mind when I rang him. I may or may not have consumed a pitcher of margaritas and pushed Rachel off the couch for trying to hide the phone from me beforehand.”
Blaine gaped at Kurt. “You pushed Rachel?”
“Not my finest moment, I admit. Still, she knuckled me pretty good in return and left a baseball sized bruise on my thigh and brought out the packed away animal sweaters for a week as revenge. Needless to say, Margaritas are off the menu for her and I from now on.”
“So, what did Seb say?”
“Aside from the usual insults, he added, “Heartless bitch,” to the collection and after he told me what happened, he told me to stay away from you and not to, “Mess with your head”.”
“He told you everything that happened?”
“He-he told me about Eli.”
“Kurt…I need to tell you about what happened before that…with Sebastian.”
***
Blaine awoke, warm and calm, as the arm around his t-shirt clad waist cinched in tighter. He dozed happily, feeling the puffs of breath tickle the back of his neck as Kurt’s hard-on pressed against him. He smiled as he heard Kurt mumble his name and cuddle in closer still.
This was everything he had wanted for the past six months and he smiled so hard that he almost started to cry with how happy he felt, how full his heart was with love for the man lying next to him. Instead he took deep breaths and let his glassy eyes clear while he thought about everything they’d discussed the last night before they’d finally tired out and found comfort in simply lying together and falling asleep in their pyjamas.
“You awake?” Blaine asked quietly.
“Nuh uh.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“Well then sleepyhead, can you let me up please?”
“Don’t wanna.”
“Fine, I guess I’ll just wet the bed then.”
Kurt clicked his tongue and lifted his arm to let Blaine go. “You better come back though.”
“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away.”
***
Kurt rolled onto his back and rubbed at his tired eyes while he had the bed to himself for a few moments. Propping himself up on an elbow, he checked the time and realized that that his dad must’ve left for work hours ago. He flopped back on the pillow and considered everything that Blaine had told him about Sebastian the night before. Sure, he might have backed off since they’d spilt up but there was no doubt in Kurt’s mind that the conniving bastard was still carrying a torch for Blaine. His Blaine. It made his blood boil and Kurt needed to show him that there was absolutely no chance that Blaine would ever choose him over Kurt.
***
The bed dipped as Blaine climbed back under the covers. “I can practically hear you thinking,” Blaine teased as he snuggled his face into Kurt’s neck and laid a hand over his boyfriend’s heart. “What’s going on up there, huh?”
Kurt dropped a kiss to Blaine’s forehead. “Will Sebastian be at Dalton tomorrow?”
“On a Sunday? I don’t know.”
“I fly out Sunday night from Columbus.”
“And…”
“And I want to go to Dalton with you tomorrow.”
Blaine’s brow furrowed for a second. “Okay?”
“And you’re going to be in bed or possibly tied to it…all day. Okay, maybe just at specific times of the day,” he chuckled at Blaine’s confusion. “Y’know just when your roommate may be passing through.”
“Why?”
“It’s-it’s something I need to do,” he replied, kissing Blaine’s soft curls, “Trust me?”
“Of course.”
Kurt nodded as he pulled Blaine tighter against him, relishing the slide of the leg hitched up between his own.
“So, what are we doing today?” Blaine asked.
“It’s Saturday, right?”
“Mmm.”
“We’ll do what we always do on Saturday mornings.”
“Really? You want to?”
Kurt bit his lip as he felt Blaine’s hand slide under his pyjama top and start to spin lazy circles on his tummy. “I need you, Blaine,” he said tenderly.
Blaine’s hand stopped its motion. “It’s not too soon? I don’t want sex to confuse things between us.” He looked up at his best friend while Kurt snorted softly as he stared at the ceiling. “What?”
“Sex has always been on the table for us, Blaine. Sometimes, literally. It’s never really confused things for me. In fact, sometimes it’s helped bring clarity to my feelings. Not that that’s a good reason to be intimate,” he added and shifted his gaze to Blaine. “But, it’s been months since we’ve held each other like this. Months of being without one another in any way and I’ve missed you so much, Blaine. Yes, as my friend and my boyfriend, but as my lover as well. I miss the way you kiss me and touch me, the way you feel inside me, so perfect. I miss your voice telling me that I’m beautiful, how much you want me and love me. And I miss how your skin feels against mine, how we fit together. God, Blaine. I just-I want you so much it h-hurts,” he trailed off as his voice cracked.
Blaine’s look softened. “You want me to...?”
Kurt rolled them so he was lying on top. “Make me yours again, Blaine. I need to believe this is real.”
Blaine stretched up to plant a feather light kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. “I can do that.”
Smiling softly, Kurt ran his fingertips along Blaine’s collarbone. “Tomorrow? Tomorrow is when I’ll make you mine.”
“Hmm, tomorrow is…when you show Seb what he’s missing?”
“Kinda. Tomorrow is when we show Sebastian that we will always choose each other.”
“And?”
“And that I’m the only one who can make you come like a freight train while being fucked.”
Blaine laughed softly. “You realize that he might actually like that, right?”
“I don’t give a flying fuck what he likes or doesn’t like,” Kurt sniffed.
Blaine simply smiled and kissed Kurt. “Tomorrow you can do what you like with me.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow and pushed out his lips. “Oh, I plan to, baby. I plan to. Now hurry up and kiss me again before I decide to take you right now.”
“As you wish,” Blaine granted as he rolled them over and settled between Kurt’s splayed legs, tongue delving into his boyfriend’s mouth as they started to surge their hips against one another.
***
Part 5g