(no subject)
You and I surely know that when we ignore a problem, it only becomes worse with time. It grows and grows, not only in reality where it has yet to be dealt with, but also in our minds, until we can think of nothing else. Edmund, also, had never known any of his problems to disappear if he just ignored them long enough, but he was putting forth a valiant effort at the moment.
You see, a few days past, Edmund Pevensie had kissed a boy. A rather nice boy, fun, someone Ed thought he might become good friends with, but there were many things complicating the matter. For one, there had been drugs involved. It's not wise to use drugs that have not be prescribed by your doctor, but Edmund had found that on occasion they turned out to be pretty enjoyable. But just smoking a little had made Edmund's head fuzzy and things felt differently. He had been, as you'd say, not in his right mind. Did he not really mean to kiss Charlie? Was it all just because of a few puffs on a joint? Maybe yes, or maybe no, but to tell the truth Edmund had never been the type of boy to do something he did not want to do. It had made him a brat back home with his family, and a rather good king back home in Narnia. But here, it meant that the marijuana likely had little to do with kissing Charlie back.
It had been his first kiss, too. First real kiss, you understand, not the sort you give your mother before running out the door. He wondered if that had anything to do with it. Maybe attraction was something he couldn't control, much like those unfortunate incidents with Arya (which he still flushed to think about). Was that alright? Was it wrong? He knew there was little he could do about Arya, other than run away and apologize after. He'd been there and Ed knew his mind had nothing to do with that. It was natural, if only it hadn't been so awkward. But he'd never done anything about it, and he had to wonder now if thinking about Charlie (and he had thought about Charlie, in the quiet of his own room after tossing and turning all night) was bad. Should he just control it? Tell himself no? If he knew what to do, he would do it. But he didn't know at all.
And, what's more, Charlie was a boy like him. Perhaps it would be more correct to call them young men, but Edmund had lived through two childhoods and repeated to himself over and over, when he wanted to say something in England where he was not a king and only had adults ignore him, that he was a kid. It was a hard idea to shake now. But princes had come to court Susan, and sometimes Lucy, and old kings had offered their daughters to Peter, and sometimes Edmund. But never had a prince or lord looked at Edmund the way Charlie had, or touched him so. He knew that, before, Edmund had been with Robb Stark. Some form of him had already done this. Did that make it inevitable? Again, had he no control or was there something he was missing? He'd thought about Robb Stark one night, wondering, but nothing came of it. Robb was Robb, someone Edmund would call friend surely, but his touch was a friendly touch, and his look an open one. Edmund gave up and remembered Jeyne, and felt horrible for even trying.
He needed to talk to someone, someone who was neither Lyra nor Charlie. Lyra had only confused him more, and Charlie was the reason for these worries. It would be reasonable to assume that younger brothers should go to their older brothers when they had questions about life, but Edmund still thought it queer to imagine Peter and Jill together, and he couldn't talk to Peter about kissing without thinking of that. He might have asked Susan, but Susan was a girl and married. She might have known what to do if Ed had kissed a girl, as she would have had the right sort of perspective. She had kissed men, but only Jon, and things were different for married people. Besides, it wasn't as if Su had ever felt about a girl the way Ed thought about a boy. It wasn't the same.
Now Caspian was married, and a man, and as far as Edmund knew had never kissed any men, but it was to Caspian's house that he headed that morning. Edmund needed to talk to someone he trusted, someone close to him but not strictly family. There are some things you never want to discuss with family, no matter how much you love them. He needed counsel, and that was something Caspian could give.
You see, a few days past, Edmund Pevensie had kissed a boy. A rather nice boy, fun, someone Ed thought he might become good friends with, but there were many things complicating the matter. For one, there had been drugs involved. It's not wise to use drugs that have not be prescribed by your doctor, but Edmund had found that on occasion they turned out to be pretty enjoyable. But just smoking a little had made Edmund's head fuzzy and things felt differently. He had been, as you'd say, not in his right mind. Did he not really mean to kiss Charlie? Was it all just because of a few puffs on a joint? Maybe yes, or maybe no, but to tell the truth Edmund had never been the type of boy to do something he did not want to do. It had made him a brat back home with his family, and a rather good king back home in Narnia. But here, it meant that the marijuana likely had little to do with kissing Charlie back.
It had been his first kiss, too. First real kiss, you understand, not the sort you give your mother before running out the door. He wondered if that had anything to do with it. Maybe attraction was something he couldn't control, much like those unfortunate incidents with Arya (which he still flushed to think about). Was that alright? Was it wrong? He knew there was little he could do about Arya, other than run away and apologize after. He'd been there and Ed knew his mind had nothing to do with that. It was natural, if only it hadn't been so awkward. But he'd never done anything about it, and he had to wonder now if thinking about Charlie (and he had thought about Charlie, in the quiet of his own room after tossing and turning all night) was bad. Should he just control it? Tell himself no? If he knew what to do, he would do it. But he didn't know at all.
And, what's more, Charlie was a boy like him. Perhaps it would be more correct to call them young men, but Edmund had lived through two childhoods and repeated to himself over and over, when he wanted to say something in England where he was not a king and only had adults ignore him, that he was a kid. It was a hard idea to shake now. But princes had come to court Susan, and sometimes Lucy, and old kings had offered their daughters to Peter, and sometimes Edmund. But never had a prince or lord looked at Edmund the way Charlie had, or touched him so. He knew that, before, Edmund had been with Robb Stark. Some form of him had already done this. Did that make it inevitable? Again, had he no control or was there something he was missing? He'd thought about Robb Stark one night, wondering, but nothing came of it. Robb was Robb, someone Edmund would call friend surely, but his touch was a friendly touch, and his look an open one. Edmund gave up and remembered Jeyne, and felt horrible for even trying.
He needed to talk to someone, someone who was neither Lyra nor Charlie. Lyra had only confused him more, and Charlie was the reason for these worries. It would be reasonable to assume that younger brothers should go to their older brothers when they had questions about life, but Edmund still thought it queer to imagine Peter and Jill together, and he couldn't talk to Peter about kissing without thinking of that. He might have asked Susan, but Susan was a girl and married. She might have known what to do if Ed had kissed a girl, as she would have had the right sort of perspective. She had kissed men, but only Jon, and things were different for married people. Besides, it wasn't as if Su had ever felt about a girl the way Ed thought about a boy. It wasn't the same.
Now Caspian was married, and a man, and as far as Edmund knew had never kissed any men, but it was to Caspian's house that he headed that morning. Edmund needed to talk to someone he trusted, someone close to him but not strictly family. There are some things you never want to discuss with family, no matter how much you love them. He needed counsel, and that was something Caspian could give.