The ball keeps rolling

[giazz_40]

There it goes.  The ball flies right past me as I stand and wait for it.  My hands are sweaty and my legs are tired.  There is not a lot of time left here, as I squint my eyes toward the hot sun.  I can hear laughter coming from the field.  The coach slowly approaches me, and pats me on the back

Comments

[drippedonpaper]

Funny, I was considering going with a ball being "it" too but decided against it before reading this. Great use of the prompt though!

Makes me think of my two kids. They both played ball this spring (baseball and t-ball) and oh, they were not the best on the team, shall we say. But oh, they wanted to be! I need to work with them more.

I like how you think he/she will make it and then surprise! he/she is out!

The part about the dad not being there is very sad to me.

Thanks for sharing, keep writing!

I think you are/were in the Real LJ Idol too? There are so many in that, I get lost sometimes!

Congrats on writing this so quickly!

Thanks and yes

[giazz_40]

I am in both contests, I did ask first if this was okay, and they told me it was. I was trying to come up with a believable character, and remembering that sometimes my dad wasn't always at my events.

I'm under giazz_40 in LJ Idol 5 as well...new to this writing thing, but glad you liked it.

[insolentscrawl]

What a great story. I absolutely love it, as it reminds me of when I was the only girl on our boy's little league team (we didn't have a girl's team, so we joined where we could). Let's just say I was terrible and leave it at that. *grin*

I'm glad you liked it

[giazz_40]

I'm so glad you liked it. I'm afraid too many baseball fans will disagree with me on how the game is actually played...so glad you got out there and played ball.

I ended up playing field hockey, and believe you me, I wasn't the best player either, and my favorite position was "bench" :) *grin.

Gia

Editing

[cedarwolfsinger]

Hello. I am one of your editors this week. This sounds like a slice out of your childhood - or someone's childhood

Re: Editing

[giazz_40]

Thanks for the comments, I'll try to stick to one tense from now on, I forgot my basic English 101.

G

[past0rl_insanty]

Hello there! I'm your second editor for this week.

and wait for it again: The again in this sentence kind of confused me. Is the again you waiting for the final ball? Or is that you waiting for the ball that just passed? I would suggest taking out 'again'

comes towards me: You just used 'toward' in the previous line, so it would be best not to use it again so soon. 'Approaches' could work~

it kid, just keep an eye on the ball and just hit it,: I would suggest making the first comma a colon ("You can do it, kid: Just keep an eye..."), and take out the second 'just' (or well, you can take out one or the other, but the removing the second one flows better). As for the last comma, maybe make it a period.

my dad knew someone: This statement is a little ambiguous and at first my mind went "MAFIA?!" but that's just because I'm tired. How does your dad knowing someone influence you being on the team? Maybe clarify?

and I look for my dad...: This part and the rest of the sentence makes it a little repetitive because you said it at the

Thanks for the edit

[giazz_40]

Thanks for editing my entry. I fixed it with your suggestions, (hopefully, I got them all). I was trying to create a character voice with the Coach, where they usually repeat words in sequences.

Glad you liked it.