The Sunflower 1/3
Title: The Sunflower
Words: 10k
Warnings: past abuse (mental and physical)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Disclaimers: Don't own the people in this, just the plot.
Summary: Jared would never get used to seeing Jensen cry.
CHAPTER 1 Wilting
Jared would never get used to seeing Jensen cry. It didn't get easier with time, it was more like the opposite. His heart broke when he realized that he'd probably seen Jensen cry at least once in every single room in their home. Their home, which was supposed to be a happy and peaceful one. But it was almost meant to be a place where Jensen could relax and feel safe. He needed to feel safe. He also needed to let his feelings and emotions out and not just keep it all bottled in. So Jared figures that it's a good thing too. That Jensen feels safe enough to just let go.
But still. Jared will never get used to it.
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This was supposed to be a happy day.
Jared had been looking forward to it the whole week and he knew Jensen had been excited too. He had bought a small gift to Jensen the day before and had plans to get another one later too, and if the "Do not look in my sock-drawer" and the unusual amount of giggles coming from his boyfriend was anything to go by, Jensen had bough something for him too. They were supposed to celebrate 5 months together. August the 8th, a Friday. Even though they had the whole evening planned, it wasn't anything too big. Jensen was going to cook a real home cooked meal for Jared , which to Jared's shame, he almost always did. (Jared was spoiled that way.) But this was going to be a three course meal which Jensen had promised "will not only knock your socks off, but hopefully also get you to finally realize that store bought mac & cheese does not belong in this house." (Jensen was traditional that way.)
After the dinner they had just planned on snuggling up in their big couch with popcorn and watch some movie (without really watching the movie). A quiet night at home. Just like Jensen preferred it. And Jared was perfectly fine with that too. He knew how restaurants and other public places stressed Jensen out and he wouldn't have a good time if he knew Jensen was uncomfortable.
But then it had all gone downhill. It started in the morning when Jared woke up with Jensen's body draped across his chest. Now, it wasn't unusual for his boyfriend to transform to some kind of human blanket during the night, quite the opposite, and Jared of course didn't mind. But with Jensen's face so close to his own, Jared could very clearly hear the rattling quality to Jensen's breathing. He knew his boyfriend had been fighting off the beginnings of a cold for the past few days but clearly it had just gotten worse.
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"Jensen? Wake up for me, babe." Jared carded gentle fingers through Jensen's sleep-tousled hair and patiently waited for green eyes to peep open. "Jay?" Jared's worry turned up a few notches. Jensen sounded absolutely miserable. "How you feeling, baby?"
"I'm just tired, Jay, I swear." Just as Jared was about to protest Jensen got thrown into a giant coughing fit. He coughed and coughed and Jared watched in horror as his face turned red and he lifted Jensen up into a sitting position so he could breathe easier. "You're alright, you're alright, just breath, babe." Jensen coughed a few more times before slumping tiredly against his boyfriends warm chest. "'M sorry." Jared smiled a sad smile. Jensen had a habit of apologizing for everything and being sick wasn't any different.
"Don't say sorry. I am however sorry that you're sick."
"But our day.."
"It's okay. We can still do the dinner and a movie but maybe I can cook if you're too tired?" Jensen looked at him skeptically. For all his insecurities, Jensen was still 100% confident in one thing, and that was cooking.
Jared sighed. "Alright how about this. I cook but you can supervise and as soon as you sense the kitchen being in risk of mass destruction, you can take over, ok?
Jensen seemed to think about that but before he could answer, a powerful sneeze made its way out.
"Whoa, ok, wait here." Jared carefully lowered Jensen back onto the bed and went to search for some tissues. But not before giving him a quick kiss.
When he came back his heart broke a little at what he saw. Jensen was once again coughing and he was flopping around like a turtle on its back trying to lift himself up. Jared quickly walked over, put his hands under Jensen's armpits and lifted him up. He got himself settled against the headboard before he pulled Jensen to him. "Here we go." He grabbed one of the packs of tissues he had found and handed it to Jensen. "You kissed me" Jensen mumbled after he blew his nose.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I will never do that again." Jared chuckled at his own joke but Jensen apparently didn't think it was funny judging by the pout he was sporting. "No, I mean you kissed my face. You kissed my snotty face."
"Oh...right" Jared hadn't even thought about that. It was just pure instinct to kiss Jensen whenever he got the chance. "Well I guess that means I really do love everything about you. Even your snot" and he kissed him again. When he looked at Jensen he was smiling, although his eyes were suspiciously wet. But Jared didn't comment on it. Jensen blew his nose again when the alarm clock started making itself known. "Shit. Alright, babe I've got to get ready for work, take it easy today, okay? And call me if you need anything." When Jensen just nodded and snuggled deeper into the bed, Jared knew he must be feeling really bad. He had expected to at least be accused of mother henning. He spent five minutes he didn't have stroking Jensen's back and made sure he had gone back to sleep before he got ready to go to work.
Jensen's boss truly was a blessing. He had worked out a way for Jensen to work from home and he only had to come in to the office once or twice a month. The man even sent out emails regularly to check how Jensen was doing. Not to rush him about work, just to look out for him. Jensen had worked at the writing magazine for five years, long before Jared got into the picture, so his colleges all knew about his life before Jared, and how it was all but pleasant. They were very protective of him and a lot of them texted him often to see how he was. Or in the beginning of their relationship, see how Jared was. He understood why they had been so suspicious of him and his intentions at first. He truly was glad that they were so determined not to let the same thing happen to Jensen twice. But he was also very relieved that they were passed that face now. Now they all approved of him and a few of them had been to their house many times for dinner. Amongst them Jensen's boss.
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Jared's face hurt. He was starting to worry about getting a locked jaw from smiling too much. He'd tried really hard to finish a little earlier at the animal shelter where he worked and it had paid off. Before he got home he had time to drive to the flower shop to buy one big sunflower. He hadn't even spared a glance to the giant bouquets of roses. He knew what he was getting and he knew it would make Jensen happy. He'd also had time to stop and by some medicine for Jensen before making it home half an hour early.
The car pulled up in front of their white brick house. Jared got out and tried to spot his boyfriend through one of the windows. He knew the chance was small but he was so beyond excited and just so very in love, that he couldn't bare another second without Jensen in sight. He skipped up the stairs to their porch and made sure the flower was carefully hidden behind his back before he unlocked the door and stepped in
to a complete nightmare.
The sunflower fell to the floor at the same moment as Jared spotted Jensen. He was sitting on the couch in the living room with his legs drawn up to his chest. There were tear tracks on his pale cheeks and more fat tears rolling down them continually. But that was not what had sent Jared into panic. Jensen was frantically mumbling to himself and Jared didn't hear it all but what he made out was enough to send shivers down his spine. "'M sorry, I'm sorry, please don't hurt me. I didn't mean too, I didn't mean to." Jared quickly toed off his shoes and hurried over to Jensen where he kneeled in front of him. He called out to Jensen but didn't get an answer. He intended to take Jensen's hands in his but that's when he saw it. Jensen was bleeding.
His right hand was covered in blood and Jared could see tiny shards of glass in there. But Jensen didn't seem to care. He kept muttering to himself and didn't seem to realize Jared was even there. Jared tried to get through to him again. "Jen, honey? Talk to me."
"I'm so sorry, please, please don't..." Jensen hiccupped and his voice sounded completely wrecked. He whimpered when Jared gently took his bleeding hand. "Jensen, C'mon you're scaring me here. What happened?" But Jensen still didn't respond. He wouldn't even meet Jared's eyes. And when Jared tilted Jensen chin up to get him to look at him, he almost started crying himself. Jensen's eyes were completely glazed over and they didn't focus on anything.
Jared's hand trembled when it reached out to touch Jensen's cheek and then his forehead.
Fever.
That would explain the confusion and glazed over eyes. But something must have happened to upset Jensen this bad. At first Jared's thoughts went to Jensen's ex. The abusive fuck who had spent two and half years treating Jensen like nothing more than garbage, taking pleasure in breaking Jensen down until he himself believed he wasn't worth anything. He had almost managed to break him completely before Jared found him.
Almost
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Jared had decided to walk home. Stupid decision. His workplace was only a few blocks away from his apartment, but it was still a dumb decision to make considering that he was now soaking wet and the rain didn't seem to want to stop anytime soon.
He pulled the hood further over his head as he passed the nice looking houses that he was not-so-secretly jealous of. He couldn't help but to look in through the windows while walking by. What he could see was mostly families with young children. But also a few elderly couples. There was one house though, the one at the far end, that concerned him. From what he had seen while passing the kitchen and living room windows there was a couple living there. Two guys. But their relationship seemed to be anything but ideal. He hadn't seen them much but he often heard loud yelling when he passed the house. They seemed to be at it again tonight. Even thought Jared was still a couple of houses away he could hear yelling. Suddenly the front door opened and one of the guys came out. He was carrying the trash out to the garbage can. Jared frowned. Why would he do that now, in the freezing rain? Suddenly the guy tripped and fell over, sending the trash bags to the ground where they ripped and spilled some of their contents out. Jared hurried over to him before he even knew what he was doing. When he reached him the guy had made it up to his knees and was trying to collect all the trash back into the bags.
"Hey, are you alright?" Shit. When the guy flinched Jared realized his mistake. He hadn't meant to scare him. But he probably looked like a drenched moose towering over him and the poor guy probably hadn't heard him jogging over there over the loud rain.
"Yeah I'm fine, thanks." Jared couldn't help but think that the guy was really beautiful. Even though he had only spotted a part of his face before the man had ducked his head again. Great, now he's just some creepy guy staring at people in the rain. "Here" he said and bent down "let me help you." The guy's head snapped up. "Wh-what are you doing?" He looked scared. Shit. "Sorry, I'll leave if you want. I was just..." Jared trailed of as he saw the nasty looking bruise beside the guys right eye and the split lip. The guy looked back toward the house. He seemed nervous. "Sorry I don't mean to be rude...but I think you should go now." His voice was quivering a little and even though he was only wearing sweats and a t-shirt Jared doubted it was only because of the cold.
"It's ok man, I'll go, no problem. Just..hurry back inside ok? You're gonna catch your death out here." Jared tried to lighten the mood but when the guy just lowered his head and snorted, something twisted in Jared's gut. Reluctant to leave but not wanting to get the guy in trouble Jared stood up and started walking away.
"What's your name by the way?" Jared was met with a set of green unsure eyes. Just when he thought he wasn't going to get an answer the guy whispered his name. "Jensen."
"Hi Jensen, I'm Jared. Look...I work at the animal shelter down the road, do you know it?" A small nod. "If you ever need to talk to someone or...need some kind of help, just come there and ask for me, okay?" Jensen just looked at him. "I know you don't know me and you don't have any reason to trust me. But I think I could help you, man. I can't just see you getting hurt and not do anything. Even though I don't know you either." And with that Jared started walking. If Jensen wanted and needed his help he prayed he would contact him.
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"Jensen? Can you hear me? I promise you I'm not mad, just talk to me." Jared was getting desperate. Nothing he did was getting through to Jensen and every time he tried to take a look at his hand Jensen did these awful whimpering sounds and he couldn't take it anymore. He put a hand on Jensen's heart and when Jensen flinched wildly Jared finally started crying himself. He had never seen Jensen like this before. In the beginning of their relationship there had been moments where Jensen got lost in flashbacks and there had been a lot of nightmares. But nothing like this. Jensen's heart was racing under Jared's palm and he was afraid that Jensen would pass out if he didn't calm down soon. He slowly started rubbing Jensen's chest with one hand while the other wiped away the tears that were still rolling down his cheeks. "You're ok, you're ok, you need to calm down for me, babe. Can you do that? Slow down you're breathing." He tried to sound as calm as possible, which was hard since he still was fighting to stop crying.
"I'll never do it again I swear, please j-just do-don't, I'm sorry, 'm sorry. 'm so-" Jensen's frightened mumblings came to a halt when he started coughing. Between the coughing and crying he hardly got any air and started gasping horribly.
"Oh god, Jensen! Jensen!!" In complete desperation Jared pulled Jensen to him, holding him tight and trying hard not to pass out with worry. He hit him a couple of times with his palm between his shoulder blades. "You're okay, sweetheart, you're okay. Shh Jensen, breathe for me!"
And then finally, finally, Jensen sucked in a deep breath, as if he had forgotten that's what he needed to do before Jared told him. The crying had almost stopped. Jensen was still hiccupping on every inhale but he finally seemed relaxed and not so scared of Jared. He was slumped against Jared's chest with his head resting on Jared's shoulder.
"Jensen?" Jared asked tentatively. He almost didn't dare to hope. He felt Jensen's trembling hand on his shirt and looked into his eyes. His eyes that were now blessedly focused.
"Jay?"
Jared smiled brightly. "Yeah, it's me, hi baby." He bent down to kiss Jensen tenderly on both cheeks. Jensen's whole face was sticky with dried tears and his eyes were red and puffy from all the crying.
"I don't...what's going on?"
Jared ran a soothing hand down Jensen's back. "I was hoping you could tell me that. Do you know what happened to your hand?" When Jensen just looked at Jared with confused eyes, Jared gently took Jensen's bleeding hand in his and held it up for Jensen to see.
"Oh." Jensen studied his hand. "I don't...Jared?" Jensen sounded so scared that Jared carefully pulled him in for a hug. "It's okay, baby. We'll figure it out." He had no idea how but he needed to keep Jensen calm.
They stayed like that for a while. Jensen was exhausted and Jared was perfectly fine with letting him rest against him. It wasn't until Jensen coughed weakly that Jared remembered Jensen's fever. Great boyfriend he was..."Jen? I'm gonna get something to clean your hand with and some cough medicine okay?"
He helped Jensen back to the couch where he lay down. Jared felt his forehead again. He had to check the fever too, it felt pretty high. He hoped to god that neither the hand or the fever was bad enough to need a trip to the hospital. If there was one place that was going to send Jensen spiraling into panic, it would be a hospital. Jared hadn't seen it for himself. But from what Jensen had told him about his experiences and how he felt about hospitals, Jared had a pretty good idea.
Jared walked back into the hallway to fetch the bag with the chough medicine. He spotted the abandoned flower and cursed softly. A couple of pedals had fallen off but otherwise it looked okay. He took the flower and bag in to the kitchen.
And that's where it all clicked.
chapter 2