In Search of Remembrance ~ Part 6b~ The Warrior and the Warlock

[gfeather]

That night, Merlin lay down on the hard packed dirt floor of his childhood home and stared up at the ceiling. It had been a very long day, and tomorrow was bound to be equally exhausting, but he felt restless and couldn’t seem to let sleep take him. Arthur was the picture of relaxed comfort, flopped down in a sprawl of limbs with his head towards the wall. Merlin was a little wary of the feet so near his head, but in previous overnight excursions the prince hadn’t proved to be a kicker, or at least not an unintentional one. The banked fire only gave off a very dim light, but it was enough for him to see the still outlines of Gwen and Morgana asleep in the only bed and Hunith curled up on the pallet he had slept on for years. It was crowded, but their number was smaller than it might have been. Whatever it was Gavin had said to Will, the two seemed to have found some common ground and Will had offered a space in his own home for the young squire to sleep. Merlin had tried to talk to Will again, but was met with stony silence and he gave up. He wasn’t entirely certain why Will was so angry with him, but he knew his friend well enough not to push too hard.

Merlin shifted and tugged the blanket closer around him, trying to get comfortable. He didn’t mind sleeping on the ground, but it did irk him a little that despite growing up sleeping on the softest feather beds, Arthur seemed equally comfortable pretty much anywhere. It also irked him that Arthur was able to fall asleep so easily when he could not.

“Stop it,” Arthur grumbled. “You’re thinking so loud it’s interrupting my rest.”

“I can’t sleep,” he told Arthur, elbowing the leg that was tapping at his shoulder.

Arthur sighed heavily. “I noticed. Why don’t you just turn around and get over here already?”

“What?”

Though it was dark, Merlin could practically hear Arthur rolling his eyes. “The night air has a cold bite to it, and we’re already sharing blankets. We’ll both be more comfortable if you turn around the other way.”

“We always sleep like this away from the castle, and besides, what about...” Merlin trailed off and glanced around the room at the others sleeping close by.

Arthur made a small huff of suppressed laughter. “Worried about offending Morgana’s delicate sensibilities? I’ll be very shocked and a bit disappointed in her if she hasn’t figured it out already.”

“There’s an it to figure out?” Merlin asked, hoping he sounded casual and unconcerned. He was still unsure exactly where things stood with Arthur at the moment. Since leaving Gedref, there hadn’t been any real opportunity for them to be together away from prying eyes. Despite the rather desperate kiss they had shared before returning to Camelot and the all too brief night spent holding each other in Arthur’s bed, Merlin still couldn’t quite believe that things had actually changed.

Arthur slid his hand up along Merlin’s calf and gave it an affectionate squeeze. “I hope so.”

Merlin could feel himself blushing, and was grateful it was dark. He felt a bit foolish, both for his assumption about the sleeping arrangements and his reaction to Arthur’s touch. With a light tug, he freed his leg from Arthur’s grasp and shifted around so they were lying with heads pillowed together on Arthur’s rolled up cloak.

Arthur turned on his side facing Merlin and whispered into the space between them, “Better?”

“Your cloak is softer, I think,” Merlin observed.

Arthur shifted until their foreheads were touching. “Does that mean you’re going to be able to sleep now?”

Merlin shrugged. “Do you have any brilliant ideas for defeating Kanen without a very obvious display of magic?”

“They’ll put up a good fight, I think, and we likely only have another day, perhaps two, to practice. It’s going to take strategy to defeat them,” said Arthur.

Merlin suggested, “A trap?”

Arthur nodded, his nose bumping against Merlin’s. “Something to restrict their mobility. We can’t let them fight on their terms. With riders, they’ll slaughter us.”

“Or simply burn the village.”

“No, that’s a bit of an empty threat... or at least they won’t burn it first. Kanen will want to take everything he can get from Ealdor. He won’t burn it without getting all he can.”

“I can give us some warning for their arrival,” said Merlin, “but I’m not sure how to get them off of their horses.”

Arthur made a small hum of consideration. “If they rode them into town and were barricaded in, that would get them off their horses.”

“It would also have them all in the village. I won’t be able to do much once they’re here without being very obvious.”

“Then maybe you’ll have to be obvious.”

Merlin grabbed Arthur’s forearm and held it tightly. “Arthur, news of things that are suspiciously magical comes into Camelot all the time and it never ends well. If I do something here, something obvious, there is no way it will stay a secret.”

“Then what would you suggest?” Arthur asked.

Merlin turned onto his back and stared up at the dark again. “I don’t know... What if... what if we beat the raiders at their own game?”

“In what way?”

“Well, bandits and such tend to hide in wait and ambush people. The element of surprise makes up for lesser numbers and weapons doesn’t it?”

“Quite often, yes. It’s a strategy that works well for small groups of outlaws.”

“With a bit of warning, we could do the same,” suggested Merlin. “All the paths that lead to the village are heavily wooded less than a mile off. Once we know which way they are coming from, we could get everyone together to hide in the trees before Kanen arrives.”

Arthur considered this for a moment and nodded. “The horses would be a disadvantage in the undergrowth.”

“And with a bit of cover, I can do a fair bit to help without being obvious.”

“I suppose you’ll take care of figuring out the where and the when?”

“Morgana knows as well. She could help as a lookout.”

Arthur shifted, and Merlin could see him looking over to where Gwen and Morgana were sleeping. When he settled back down, he said, “If anything happens to her, there is no way we can ever show ourselves in Camelot again. I can guarantee my father was livid when he discovered she was gone.”

Though he was also worried for Morgana’s safety, Merlin offered what little reassurance he could. “Morgana can take care of herself. Besides, you know she won’t give you any peace until you let her help, but I doubt the people here will take well to a woman giving lessons in swordplay. Well, to anyone but the other women that is.”

“What do you mean, Merlin?” Arthur asked, lifting up on one elbow and staring down at him. “No one is teaching the women to fight.”

Merlin tried to keep his voice neutral and said, “Perhaps someone should. You did meet my mother, didn’t you? She isn’t going to stand by while the men do the fighting, and she isn’t the only one.”

“It’s too dangerous.”

“Arthur, do you know what life is like for a peasant woman if her husband is killed?”

Arthur hesitated for a moment. “Difficult, I expect.”

“If by difficult you mean constantly on the brink of starvation and death, then yes, that about sums it up. If you were wondering about what had Will in a strop earlier, it wasn’t just you coming in and telling people what to do. His father died fighting for Cenred and afterwards the king didn’t do a thing for Will or his mother. They had nothing and no man to help with the work. People weren’t always kind to them, just like they weren’t always kind to us,” Merlin explained, feeling himself getting wound up.

“And the women fighting and possibly dying themselves is somehow better? Do you think it’s easier for the children left behind with no mother?”

Merlin turned back on his side facing Arthur and laid a hand on his chest in what he hoped was a comforting manner. “No, of course not, but if the women do fight it gives us a greater strength in numbers. I’ll protect everyone as best I can, but magic can’t do everything. I can’t let my magic do everything.”

“Why not?” Arthur asked, turning towards him again. “You have the power to.”

It wasn’t something Merlin had ever tried to explain before and it took him some time to find the right words to explain himself. “I’ve already used my magic to kill too many people this time. I can’t let myself use it that way any more than I already have. It upsets the balance. When someone is killed by a sword or dies of a natural disease, the distribution of magic remains stable. When I do it with magic, it leaves a void or creates a surge that affects everything around it... not to mention the fact that it feels utterly wretched. I don’t just watch them die, Arthur, I feel it. I can feel the life leaving a person.”

Arthur gave an involuntary shudder at that. “Oh. That sounds... rather unpleasant.”

“It’s horrible,” Merlin whispered.

Strong arms pulled him in, and for a long time Merlin lay shaking in Arthur’s arms, remembering all the times he had felt people die. The times when it was a natural death were difficult, yet easier to bear than the memories of the deaths he had caused by magic... they made his skin crawl and his stomach sink.

“I understand,” Arthur said much later, speaking softly against Merlin’s ear.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled into Arthur’s chest.

Arthur just held him tighter. “Don’t be. We can make an ambush work. It’s a sound tactic. In the morning, I’ll start preparing the villagers, and I suppose Morgana can talk to the women and see what they want to do. It’ll be their choice.”

“It’s everyone’s choice.”

Fingers traced across Merlin’s forehead, along his cheekbone and down the bridge of his nose, mapping his face in the dark. A thumb brushed against his lower lip, dragging it down and he swiped the tip of his tongue across the pad of the finger and brought his upper lip over the digit giving it a slightly sloppy kiss. Arthur’s thumb slipped from his lip and trailed a wet line down to the point of his chin. A second hand joined the first and Merlin was drawn into a deep kiss that left his heart racing and his body trembling.

“When this is over, and we aren’t on the floor of your mother’s home with three people sleeping nearby...” Arthur trailed off.

Merlin let out a low, slightly pained groan and shifted in an attempt to get more comfortable in his suddenly too tight trousers. “That had better be a promise.”

Even in the dark, he could hear Arthur’s wicked grin. “I’m a man of my word.”

They lay awake together for some time afterwards, not speaking and not touching, just listening to each other breathe.



After riding out along each of the roads leading from Ealdor and laying enchantments to warn him if anyone crossed them, Merlin spent a good portion of the following day going through the motions of beginner sword drills alongside the other villagers. Arthur did a far better job instructing them than he had ever tried to do when he made Merlin pick up a sword, and Gavin scurried around the group offering assistance and demonstrations in a kind, unassuming way. Arthur also did a good job hiding his concern at the sword wielding capabilities of a group of peasant farmers, but the corners of his lips twitched downward a bit too often and his eyes were grim. Merlin could tell that he was worried.

Somehow, Gavin had managed to convince Will to stay and fight, which was a mystery to Merlin. However, Will joined in with the rest of the villagers holding a wooden stave and following the motions the prince led them through. Anytime their eyes happened to meet, Will’s expression became closed. Merlin could nearly feel the cold waves of anger coming off his friend and did his best to ignore it. He couldn’t help but notice how much more readily Will was picking up the drills than everyone else, though. He wasn’t the only one, but one look at Will’s face kept anyone from commenting.

When they broke for the day late in the afternoon, Arthur stalked off in the direction of the river, and Merlin was fairly certain following could only result in a fight. Instead, he hauled a bucket of water up from the well and carried it into his mother’s house and offered to help her with supper.

“Has Camelot changed you so much then?” Hunith asked.

Merlin carefully poured water into the largest pot and set it on the hook over the fire. “How do you mean?”

Hunith picked up a small knife and began cutting vegetables. “Well, willingly offering to help with supper is a bit rare for you, but it’s not just that. I’ve watched you... You’re different than you were. Was a few months all it took?”

He couldn’t look Hunith in the face, and busied himself with fetching a few logs to build up the fire before he answered. “I’m not so different.”

She shook her head. “You don’t see it, but you are, especially around the prince.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You always were an unusual child but now... you’ve aged somehow. Matured as well, but it seems as if there are many years sitting on your shoulders and on Prince Arthur’s as well. You are both too young for that. Has something happened since you left?”

“A great many things have happened. Arthur and I have been through a lot, but... I’m still me. I’m still Merlin. That hasn’t changed,” Merlin told her, though he wondered if he wasn’t trying to convince himself more than Hunith.

The steady sound of Hunith’s knife tapping against the wooden block filled the silence that stretched between them. He could feel her gaze on him and he wondered just how changed he was from the boy she had waved goodbye to in the spring. He jumped when she spoke again.

“You are and you aren’t. But I suppose that’s what all mothers must face when their sons grow up. Are you happy?”

A wide smile spread across his face and he met her eyes and nodded. “I am, more than I had thought possible.”

“And your powers?” she asked, unable to conceal her worry. “Gaius mentioned that keeping them hidden in Camelot has been challenging for you.”

“It’s gotten better. I have much more control now,” he said with confidence.

Hunith looked at him for a long moment then turned her attention back to the cutting board and asked, “Are you absolutely certain telling the prince was a wise thing?”

Merlin was momentarily dumbfounded. “How did..?”

“You are too easy around him. It was like that between you and Will when he found out.”

“I trust Arthur completely. We don’t have secrets from each other.”

Hunith smiled, but her eyes were sad. She set down her knife and wiped her hands on her apron before reaching up and pulling him into a fierce hug. “I am glad you are happy, but you’ll have to let me worry about you still. It is my job.”

“You’re a wonderful mother,” he mumbled into her hair. “I know we used to argue about the magic, but I know you just wanted to keep me safe.”

Hunith pulled back then and eyed him critically. “And what kind of risky thing are you planning to do with it?”

“You heard Arthur’s plan. An ambush is the best chance we have.”

“And what will you be doing?”

“Figuring out when they are close and which way they are coming from,” Merlin said, doing his best to look innocent and obedient, which never worked with his mother, but was worth a try.

“And?” she pressed.

“Nothing too dangerous... at least not any more dangerous than what everyone else will be doing.”

“My boy,” she said, looking at him with sorrowful eyes, “I shouldn’t have come to Camelot. I’ve put you at too great a risk.”

Merlin shook his head and poured the chopped vegetables into the pot, no longer able to bear the weight of her gaze. “Don’t be silly. I’m glad to help and Arthur and the others are too.”

“They shouldn’t have come either, but I am glad to have you here,” she said, handing him a spoon to stir with.

With a flick of his hand, he set the wooden spoon in motion and settled into the stool by the hearth. “When the fight is done and Kanen is gone, I’m going to make sure Ealdor is safe again. It was my leaving that brought them here. I didn’t realize it before, but I’m certain it was my magic that kept raiders from here for so long.”

Hunith looked at the spoon and frowned, but didn’t mention it. “It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself for the things cruel men do.”

“I don’t, but I will keep you safe. Even if though I’m not here anymore, I promise you’ll be protected.”



After a restless night, Merlin awoke early and slipped out of the house in the grey light of early dawn. The dew was heavy on the grass and the damp chill of the air crept its chilled fingers in between the seams of his clothes. He briefly considered returning to the protective shell of blankets that he had shared with Arthur, snug and warm, but simply tugged his cloak closer. Everything was still and quiet, but tense, even in the sleepy morning hours. Fog had settled between the buildings, and the trees across the field were barely visible.

He slipped into the shed where his horse was stabled and set about readying it to ride. The other horses lifted their heads and watched him, but were not inclined to stir. Merlin was glad. He didn’t wish to disturb everyone so early, but he needed to move. The spells he had laid yesterday several miles off on each path leading towards Ealdor would alert him to Kanen’s arrival. However, part of his ruse was acting as a scout to warn the village and his anticipation wouldn’t allow him to remain idle any longer.

One of the other horses whickered softly and Merlin looked up to see Morgana slip in through the door.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked.

Merlin nodded. “Early morning would be the best time for Kanen to catch us unawares.”

“Are you actually going to ride, or just get far enough down the road to be out of sight?”

Merlin gave a small grunt as he tightened the girth of the saddle and tugged at the buckles to check them. “I’m fairly certain I know which way they’ll come from and I can’t just hang about waiting. At the very least I can prepare the ambush site.”

“Prepare it how?”

“Come along if you’d like. You’ll see,” Merlin offered knowing full well that had been Morgana’s intention all along.

She readied her own horse quickly and soon they were riding out along the road that followed close to the river leading southwest away from the village. The fog was denser in the trees and everything seemed close.

A short way down the road Morgana asked, “What is it, exactly, between you and Arthur? Every time I think I have it figured out I see something new that creates more questions than it answers.”

“You couldn’t have asked a simpler question, could you?” Merlin said, shaking his head.

She shrugged in response. “I only ask questions I don’t think I’ll be able to find the answers to myself. How is it that you and Arthur have gotten so close in such a short time? I’ve known him since I came to court when I was twelve and I’d like to think I know him better than anyone, yet in a few months, or really just a few weeks, everything has changed. He’s different... so are you for that matter.”

“Morgana... I have fewer secrets from you than I have from nearly everyone, but this isn’t something I’m ready to share yet.”

Morgana pursed her lips but conceded the point with a small nod of her head. “Just be careful. Whatever it is, I doubt that Uther would approve.”

He snorted at that. “I don’t think there’s much about me Uther would approve of.”

“No, probably not,” Morgana chuckled. “Not the least of which would be teaching me magic. What were you planning to do to prepare for the ambush?”

“Just ahead here is where I’ll start,” Merlin said, pointing ahead to where the road curved. “We want the raiders to ride completely into this area with all the thick underbrush, but not ride past the cover of the denser trees. I’ll lay a spell like a trip line at the edge of it that will spook the horses if any try to ride beyond it. Before that, the places we’ll be hiding could do with a bit more concealment and some sound muffling too, perhaps. As much as Arthur’s tried to train them, I doubt a large group of nervous villagers will be especially quiet. Aside from that, there isn’t much I can do until Kanen and his men actually arrive.”

Morgana nodded in understanding and asked, “What will you do then?”

“Make it as difficult as possible for them to attack and give our people a fighting chance.”

Merlin reigned in his horse and dismounted awkwardly. He was slightly envious of the way Morgana made such a graceful decent, but he ignored her superior little smile and tied his horse to a nearby branch. Morgana watched him closely as he walked up and down the road whispering enchantments. It was still odd, using magic when someone was watching, but his self consciousness faded quickly and he focussed entirely on the task at hand.

When he was done, Merlin drew the magic buzzing along his skin back within himself and looked at Morgana with a smile. “I think that should do it.”

“I hope this is the way they do come, or it’ll be a wasted effort,” she replied.

He would have shared in her concern, but just then the lingering awareness he had left far out on the road the previous day jolted his senses. “Kanen is coming this way.”

Morgana looked at him curiously. “You’re certain?”

Merlin nodded. “They just passed the enchantment I laid farther up the road yesterday. Let’s go. We need to get everyone ready.”

As the more skilled rider of the two, Morgana took off more quickly than he could follow without losing his seat, and when Merlin arrived in the town, alarmed villagers were already stumbling out of their houses. Gwen and Gavin were handing out swords to those best able to wield them, while others gathered pitchforks and other tools to use.

Arthur was in the middle of the disorganized group barking orders. “Those with young children should head for the trees to the north and hide there. If we fail, you will at least have some chance of escape. Everyone with a weapon, gather by the south road. Stay calm and quiet. We must move quickly if we are to get in place in time. If Kanen thinks he can catch us sleeping, he’s in for a surprise.”

A group of the very young and the very old carrying small bundles set off on the road heading north to conceal their tracks in the morning dew before finding a good place to hide. The majority of the villagers gathered by the south road. Merlin noticed Will with them, jaw set in a stubborn expression, outfitted in his father’s old armour and holding the sword that Merlin knew had been polished reverently in secret. Gavin gave Will a wide smile and a nod, which Will returned stiffly. Will looked over as Merlin dismounted, eyes flicking between he and Arthur, and Merlin felt the chasm between them widen. He was glad Will was there to help, but he knew that his friendship with Will was lost.

When Merlin waded through the gathering crowd to Arthur, he placed a hand on Arthur’s elbow and asked, “Ready?”

Arthur nodded. “As best we can be. You?”

Merlin returned the nod. “They’re travelling fast. We need to go now.”



His idea to lay enchantments to muffle the noise that fifty nervous villagers would make while waiting for a band of vicious raiders was ultimately what gave them the edge they needed. At the first sound of hoof beats on the road, the people around him began whispering and shifting nervously in their hiding places. In the still morning, he could see the leaves of their cover twitching and drew on his magic to still them. With all the other spells he was maintaining, the addition of this was a strain and he felt sweat standing on his forehead, the moist warmth mingling with the cool damp that already clung to his skin.

He didn’t need to hold the stillness for long. Dozens of men on horseback riding at a fast trot came around the bend in the road only to be drawn up short when the horses in the lead balked and reared at an invisible barrier. Even with his own nerves, Merlin couldn’t help a small grin at the confusion the horses’ abrupt halt caused. Raiders were shouting at each other in bewilderment and frustration, milling about.

Then Arthur yelled above the din, “NOW!”

Dropping every spell save the enchantment keeping the horses from travelling further down the road, Merlin shifted his focus to adding to the chaos before him. Villagers were leaping out of the bushes, swords, pitchforks and scythes in hand as they came at the raiding party. Kanen looked around him in surprise, but did not hesitate to take his sword in hand.

“They’re just villagers! Cut them down!” he shouted.

Merlin did his best to ignore the noise and the panic and focus on aiding as best he could. He broke the straps on several saddles, causing the riders to come tumbling to the ground. He jammed crossbow triggers, tripped men and made the weapons the raiders carried slip from their grasp. His magic flowed easily, rippling and surging out at his command. It was still taxing, and his entire body was now drenched with sweat, but the more power he used the more he seemed to have. Drawing on the energy of the earth around him, he felt his focus begin to slip and he had a moment’s worry that he perhaps wasn’t being as careful as he should be, but he was still sheltered in the undergrowth.

Despite Arthur’s concern for the abilities of farmers wielding weapons, the people of Ealdor were fierce in the defence of their home. Even with superior weapons, several of Kanen’s raiders had given up the fight as more trouble than it was worth and were making to leave. Kanen barked orders and redoubled his own efforts against the growing number of direct attacks against him.

A sword blow from behind made Kanen scream in pain and attempt to pull in gasping breaths. Blood coloured his mouth and in moments the choking coughs became a wet gurgle and Kanen fell to the ground. Seeing their leader fall, the remaining raiders gave up on the fight and attempted to remount their horses and retreat. Several villagers chased after them, and Merlin used his magic to send a spike of terror through the fleeing raiders that made them depart as if they were being chased by dragons.

When Merlin felt he had his magic under control again, he left his concealed spot and stumbled out onto the road. Most of the villagers had stopped to stare at the place where Kanen lay bleeding on the ground. Standing behind the man who had plagued their village was Will. Merlin blinked at the sight of his childhood friend holding a bloodied sword and staring at the man he had killed in shock.

The moment was broken when Gavin put a hand on Will’s shoulder and Will visibly startled. “I killed him.”

“Yeah,” Gavin said with a small nod.

The expression on Will’s face changed from stunned shock to horror, but the people around him didn’t seem to notice. The villagers began cheering and congratulating each other, while Will looked on, aghast. Not able to bear the look on his friend’s face, Merlin scanned the crowd for Arthur and found him standing several paces beyond Kanen’s body, taking in the scene before him. When their eyes met, Merlin felt a relieved smile tug at his lips briefly then he gestured towards Will. Arthur took in Will’s countenance and nodded in understanding, but before he was able to step in, Gavin grabbed Will by the elbow and steered him away from the cooling body. Together, they began to walk back towards the village, away from the excited people. Arthur let them go, and Merlin made no effort to push his way through the crowd to get to them. Merlin knew he wouldn’t be welcome now. He had a good idea of how Will was feeling, but it was no longer his place to offer comfort.

Instead, Merlin let Arthur make his way over and allowed himself to enjoy the relief that they were both unharmed.

“You alright?” Arthur asked when he stood in front of Merlin.

He nodded. “Better than Will, I think. You?”

“Nothing serious. You can put salve on my bruises later, if you like.”

That brought a genuine smile to his lips. “Do it yourself, you lazy prat.”

“Some healer you are,” Arthur teased.

“I think there are plenty of people who need my help,” Merlin said seriously.

Arthur sobered. “I know. It wasn’t a rout, though. That’s down to you.”

“Three men... that’s a hard blow here. Better than we could have hoped, but still...”

“You did all you could. Look at you. You’re drenched in sweat. Are you certain you’re alright?”

Merlin nodded, feeling the slightly dizzy and unfocused sensation sending his magic in so many directions brought continue to fade. “It shouldn’t take too much longer to feel myself again. We need to take care of the bodies.”

“I’ll help them,” said Arthur and gave him a little push in the direction of the village. “You just make sure anyone with injuries is tended to.”



By noon, most of the aftermath of the fight with Kanen was taken care of. Merlin had tended to those who were injured and the bodies of both the fallen villagers and the raiders were laid on pyres to be set alight at sunset. The people of Ealdor mourned for their losses, but in general spirits were high. Arthur promised the village leader that he would send some additional supplies of grain to make up for what they had so generously offered their neighbours.

In the afternoon, Merlin wandered up through the stubble of the upper field and pushed through the low brush at the edge. The path he had travelled so often with Will appeared to be grown over, and a small part of him was still sad to have lost their closeness. He wouldn’t trade what he had gained, but Will had been a fun, easy going companion that counterbalanced Hunith’s worry and seriousness. The spot in the woods had been their place, but knowing more of his own past made Merlin realise just why he had always felt at peace sitting with his back against the old oak. He ran his fingers along the rough bark and tucked himself easily into his favourite spot amidst the roots, looking up at the leaves shivering in the wind on the upper branches.

He opened his senses and properly savoured the magical energies of the grove. The tree at his back was steady and strong and the current of power made small eddies around him. It was a soothing familiar feeling and it helped him to fully regain his composure after his earlier exertions. He wasn’t there alone for long, though. The bright spark that was Arthur nudged at his awareness and soon Arthur arrived in the circle of trees.

“Meditating?” Arthur teased.

Though he tried to sound irritated at the interruption, Merlin knew he fell short. “I was until someone interrupted me.”

“I can go if you like.”

“No. Stay,” Merlin said and patted the ground beside him.

Arthur ignored the spot Merlin had gestured to and knelt in front of him straddling his outstretched legs. “I always knew you liked my interruptions.”

“Is that why you’re here?” Merlin asked, both hopeful and wary.

“Yes,” Arthur said and leaned forward to capture Merlin’s lips.

Merlin felt as if all his worries and doubts were being drawn out of him through Arthur’s kiss. He reached a hand up to pull Arthur in closer, threading his fingers into the hair at Arthur’s nape. With his other, he ran his hand down Arthur’s back and slipped his fingers under the edge of Arthur’s old shirt, worn soft with use. His fingers encountered warm skin and Arthur hummed against his lips in appreciation. Exploring hands made their way to the bottom of Merlin’s shirt and tugged it up to expose bare skin. After some awkward wriggling resulting in an elbow to Arthur’s stomach, they broke the kiss and scrabbled to remove their shirts as quickly as possible.

The autumn air was cool on his skin and the slide of Arthur’s warm bare chest against his own felt wonderful. The rough bark at his back was less wonderful, but Merlin ignored it in favour of enjoying the muscled expanse of Arthur’s back. Merlin nipped at Arthur’s lips and trailed a line of biting kisses down his neck from jaw to collarbone. Arthur gasped and ground his hips urgently against him at a more forceful bite, clutching Merlin tight.

A tongue darted out and traced his ear and Arthur spoke in a low growl, “We’re not in your mother’s house.”

“No,” Merlin said more breathlessly than he had intended.

Arthur brought a hand up to pinch one of Merlin’s nipples. “No one is trying to sleep nearby.”

“True,” he agreed, squirming at the sensation.

Arthur added, “The raiders have definitely been dealt with.”

Merlin nodded and slid his hands below the waist of Arthur’s trousers, cupping his ass. “They have.”

“And I did say I was a man of my word...” Arthur trailed of, nibbling at the lobe of Merlin’s ear.

Merlin whimpered and pushed his hips up to meet Arthur’s. “A promise is a promise.”

Arthur tugged at his shoulders and they rolled on the soft ground away from the base of the tree and into the warm light of the sun. They broke apart long enough to struggle out of what remained of their clothing and when they came together again, they clutched at each other, as if the brief moment apart had been a lifetime. With his entire body bare against the ground, Merlin felt each blade of grass dance across his skin and the surge of energies within the earth. It was a glorious feeling, if not quite so wonderful as the feel of Arthur’s body pressed against his, and Merlin ran his hands along Arthur’s back pushing the awareness of sensation into him. Arthur gasped and pinned him down.

“Is that... Is that what the world is like for you?”

“It can be, that and more.”

“Show me.”

Since the realistic possibility had occurred to him, Merlin had been apprehensive about whether the memory of sex with Arthur would overshadow the reality of it, but in that moment, everything settled into place. Every touch, each flex of muscle and press of their bodies became the most natural, the most necessary, thing in the world. Trapped between them, their cocks slid together, hard and straining and Merlin hooked his legs together under Arthur’s ass. With each thrust, he gripped at Arthur, pulling them tighter together, wanting to crawl inside Arthur. And suddenly, he was.

Merlin’s awareness expanded beyond himself and it was like he was wearing both his and Arthur’s skin. He could feel the heat of the late afternoon sun warming his back along with the tickle of grass and the grit of earth beneath it. He could feel the heavy weight of Arthur pressing down on him and the tight grip of legs wrapped around him, pulling them together. He could feel the burn of stubble from Arthur’s sloppy, desperate kisses along with his own fingers twining through his hair. He keened and bucked helplessly at the onslaught of sensation and felt Arthur groan both against him and within him. It was everything and more, the thrumming energies of the woods around them, the joyful flight of the birds, the gentle sigh of the breeze and the deep and powerful undercurrent of the earth beneath them. It was too much. Arthur bit down on Merlin’s shoulder and Merlin jerked and thrashed and spent himself, crying out with words both foreign and familiar to his ears. Arthur was right behind him and a second wave of sensation swept through his body, leaving Merlin trembling and struggling to hold on.

Arthur collapsed on top of Merlin and the heavy weight pressing his body into the ground helped him return to a solitary awareness. He was able to recognise his own shaky breathing in counterpoint to Arthur’s ragged pants and the discomfort under his left hip from an unfortunately positioned twig. His heart slowly returned to its regular rhythm and once more, Merlin was himself and nothing more. He didn’t feel diminished though. The yearning that had lingered at the edge of his awareness for so long, even when they were close, was gone. Merlin felt like he fit in his skin properly for the first time in so very long. He loosened his desperate grip on Arthur’s shoulders and trailed his fingers gently along Arthur’s back, exploring the play of muscles under the skin.

It was simple and comforting to lay like that, relaxed and contented. When Arthur recovered, he shifted off Merlin and stretched out on his back, tucking Merlin in against his side. Arthur turned his face up to the sun with his eyes closed and Merlin watched him through droopy eyelids. There were a dozen different things Merlin wanted to say, but the quiet was too nice and there was no need to interrupt it with inadequate words. Instead, they lay there together, silent and happy, until the chill of evening shadows urged them back into their clothes to return to the village.



It was late morning the following day by the time they gathered at the edge of the village to make their farewells. Merlin was both sad and relieved to be leaving, and he hugged Hunith tightly to him as if by hugging her hard enough he could hold onto some part of his previous mothers.

She returned the embrace with a tight grip. “Take care of yourself, Merlin.”

“You too. The next time you come to Camelot, I don’t want it to be for visiting a physician.”

Hunith pulled back and smiled warmly at him. “Perhaps to see you appointed advisor to the king then.”

“Don’t joke. I’m serious.”

“So am I. When the time is right, I’ll come back, and you can tell me everything.”

Merlin’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Everything?”

“Well, perhaps not everything,” she allowed with a quirk of her lip, “but I expect to hear some of what you haven’t said.”

He pulled her tight to him again. “I love you.”

She patted his back and stroked his hair. “I know. I love you too, my boy. Now go on, the others are waiting.”

Reluctantly, Merlin let go and gave her a watery smile. Hunith patted his cheek and stepped back towards the buildings. A fair number of villagers were watching as they readied to leave but, as he scanned the faces of the people he had grown up with, he noted with unsurprised sadness that Will’s face was not among them. Merlin swung himself gracelessly up into the saddle and patted the patient gelding. With a last look back at the village, Merlin turned and nodded to the others, already mounted and ready to go.

Merlin prodded his horse to the front of the group, leading the way from Ealdor. As they rode out on the north road, he thought he saw someone standing in the trees at the edge of the field. He lifted his hand from the reins and gave a small wave that the others wouldn’t be able to see, then urged his horse to a trot.



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