(no subject)
Вот, попыталась перевести на английский свой рассказ "Осенняя Земля". Заманалась вдрызг. Совсем по-английски писать разучилась! Мало того, что я не помню самих слов и как они пишутся, я еще постоянно попадаю не по тем клавишам, от полноты чувств, не иначе. А когда-то я повергала шефа в шок, переводя художественный текст "с листа"... И куда все делось?
Кто хорошо знает английский, посмотрите, а? Оно вообще читаемо?
Autumn Land
Two dancers wearing costumes of dragon and unicorn wheeled and turned around on the sand-covered scene. One of them attacked, other quickly retreated, avoiding the blows. Today they danced the ancient legend for real, so the blows of unicorn's horn and dragon's claws were real too, leaving bloody marks, clearly visible on the white clothes of the unicorn, hidden by red of dragon's outfit. Dancers were strong, but no dance can go forever. So, at the certain moment, when dragon dancer's movements become somewhat clumsy, unicorn dancer made his final move, aiming his horn for dragon's throat. Dark, steaming "blood" flow from the wound, dragon stumbled, fell and lied unmoving on the sand. Victorious unicorn pranced around him, and stood in the proud pose. Crowd rose, applauding and yelling joyously. Dragon dancer remained still. Its unicorn dancer's moment of triumph, the greatest and the last. Today he defeated dragon in the dance, but tomorrow he will be sacrificed to the Dragon.
On such conditions the Dragon has allowed to renew ritual of the Dance. People can remember that long ago, every year Spring Unicorn defeated the Autumn Dragon, but they should not forget that Autumn Dragon is still here. When It rises to fly, his shadow covers the valley and leaves on the trees turn red and yellow. It's cave is in the mountain, rising above the town and the valley. Tomorrow the unicorn dancer will go there with the priest to face It. Humans must not forget that last word always belongs to the Autumn Dragon.
Autumn Dragon sniffed the seasonal offering disgustedly. The young dancer fainted even before he entered the cave, and priest had to drag him to the Dragon. Priest still cared to tie the man, afraid that he will recover and give Dragon some fight. But dancer didn't recover. Autumn Dragon raised his mighty paw and in one movement turned him into bloody mess. In the cold air of the cave steam rose from the fresh blood, but instead of dissolving it formed outline of the Unicorn. In a few quick moments it became clear and solid. White Beast of Spring was smaller than Autumn Dragon, but it radiated even greater power.
"It cannot be! - The Dragon roared - I killed long ago and buried in the bitter waters of Black Lake! And then I killed you again and again every year, after the Dance, with your dancer!"
"It is not exactly true - Unicorn answered softly - Every year humans sacrificed the dancer to you, and you sacrificed him to me. If only you didn't kill the dancers, I had to stay in the Black Lake. But you did, taking their blood for yourself, and pouring their spirit into me. Now I'm strong enough to fight you again!"
And two sacred beasts leaped into the battle. They circled like two human dancers before, and like in the Dance, Unicorn finally killed the Dragon.
It stepped over fallen enemy, calling in bell-like voice: "The eternal autumn is over! There will be no autumn any more, only spring forever…" and stumbled, as black arrow hit It's side. The priest lowered his bow. "Why?" - It asked sadly.
"Not eternal autumn, not eternal spring, but a steady change of seasons is needed for this land to flourish!" - said the priest, taking off his red-golden robes. Without them he looked old and fragile. - "It took all my life to renew ritual of Dance, to call you out of the Black Lake! I simply can't let you ruin it. If only you said something else! My strength is almost gone; I don't have time to argue with you, to make you change your mind. I had to bring the balance to this land and I did it, in my way." Leaning on his bow the priest hurried out of the cave, don't looking on the fallen Unicorn.
When the Unicorn died, the cave collapsed, and the mountain fell, burying It and the Dragon under the rocks. And from under the rocks great tree grew, pushing them aside. A wondrous tree, with leaves red-golden, like the scales of the Dragon, and flowers white, like Unicorn's pelt. That's all that was left of Autumn Dragon and Spring Unicorn. And from the priest left even less than that: on the rocks, that buried him not even moss grew, nor a single blade of grass.
Кто хорошо знает английский, посмотрите, а? Оно вообще читаемо?
Autumn Land
Two dancers wearing costumes of dragon and unicorn wheeled and turned around on the sand-covered scene. One of them attacked, other quickly retreated, avoiding the blows. Today they danced the ancient legend for real, so the blows of unicorn's horn and dragon's claws were real too, leaving bloody marks, clearly visible on the white clothes of the unicorn, hidden by red of dragon's outfit. Dancers were strong, but no dance can go forever. So, at the certain moment, when dragon dancer's movements become somewhat clumsy, unicorn dancer made his final move, aiming his horn for dragon's throat. Dark, steaming "blood" flow from the wound, dragon stumbled, fell and lied unmoving on the sand. Victorious unicorn pranced around him, and stood in the proud pose. Crowd rose, applauding and yelling joyously. Dragon dancer remained still. Its unicorn dancer's moment of triumph, the greatest and the last. Today he defeated dragon in the dance, but tomorrow he will be sacrificed to the Dragon.
On such conditions the Dragon has allowed to renew ritual of the Dance. People can remember that long ago, every year Spring Unicorn defeated the Autumn Dragon, but they should not forget that Autumn Dragon is still here. When It rises to fly, his shadow covers the valley and leaves on the trees turn red and yellow. It's cave is in the mountain, rising above the town and the valley. Tomorrow the unicorn dancer will go there with the priest to face It. Humans must not forget that last word always belongs to the Autumn Dragon.
Autumn Dragon sniffed the seasonal offering disgustedly. The young dancer fainted even before he entered the cave, and priest had to drag him to the Dragon. Priest still cared to tie the man, afraid that he will recover and give Dragon some fight. But dancer didn't recover. Autumn Dragon raised his mighty paw and in one movement turned him into bloody mess. In the cold air of the cave steam rose from the fresh blood, but instead of dissolving it formed outline of the Unicorn. In a few quick moments it became clear and solid. White Beast of Spring was smaller than Autumn Dragon, but it radiated even greater power.
"It cannot be! - The Dragon roared - I killed long ago and buried in the bitter waters of Black Lake! And then I killed you again and again every year, after the Dance, with your dancer!"
"It is not exactly true - Unicorn answered softly - Every year humans sacrificed the dancer to you, and you sacrificed him to me. If only you didn't kill the dancers, I had to stay in the Black Lake. But you did, taking their blood for yourself, and pouring their spirit into me. Now I'm strong enough to fight you again!"
And two sacred beasts leaped into the battle. They circled like two human dancers before, and like in the Dance, Unicorn finally killed the Dragon.
It stepped over fallen enemy, calling in bell-like voice: "The eternal autumn is over! There will be no autumn any more, only spring forever…" and stumbled, as black arrow hit It's side. The priest lowered his bow. "Why?" - It asked sadly.
"Not eternal autumn, not eternal spring, but a steady change of seasons is needed for this land to flourish!" - said the priest, taking off his red-golden robes. Without them he looked old and fragile. - "It took all my life to renew ritual of Dance, to call you out of the Black Lake! I simply can't let you ruin it. If only you said something else! My strength is almost gone; I don't have time to argue with you, to make you change your mind. I had to bring the balance to this land and I did it, in my way." Leaning on his bow the priest hurried out of the cave, don't looking on the fallen Unicorn.
When the Unicorn died, the cave collapsed, and the mountain fell, burying It and the Dragon under the rocks. And from under the rocks great tree grew, pushing them aside. A wondrous tree, with leaves red-golden, like the scales of the Dragon, and flowers white, like Unicorn's pelt. That's all that was left of Autumn Dragon and Spring Unicorn. And from the priest left even less than that: on the rocks, that buried him not even moss grew, nor a single blade of grass.