(no subject)
Title: Sex, Epiphanies, and Everything In-Between
Author: Amber
Pairings: George / Alex
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I’m just playing with them and own nothing
Summary: George deals with the morning after Meredith and discovers something about himself. In the ever-popular supply closet.
Today is officially the worst day of my life.
Now don’t go thinking I’m being overdramatic I haven’t told you what happened yet. See there’s this girl. Okay, so I know what you’re thinking, there’s always a girl that’s how it works right? I know, but this girl she’s unique; beautiful, in whispery way, with big sad eyes and a voice that makes you want to hold her tight and never let go.
Okay, I have it bad, very bad. She thought that I was nothing more than a friend because I kept my feelings secret for a really long time. I waited so long, in fact, that she was completely clueless. I did eventually tell her, I mean, it was hard and my heart was beating so fast that I couldn’t actually hear what I was saying. I just had this feeling that I had to protect her. I had to keep her safe because she was my ideal woman; unattainable perfection, that is, until I attained her.
When I told her I don’t know what I expected; maybe a hug, a gentle let down, a thank you. Maybe. I don’t know. I didn’t expect to find myself naked and buried deep inside her, gently trusting forwards towards completion, towards that perfect moment when we would be connected in a way I had only dreamt about. Unfortunately reality wasn’t quite so perfect. It was almost uncomfortable. Sweaty yeah, but it was a cold sweat. It was hard angular sex. Definitely sex, not love, I had poured my soul out to her and she couldn’t even look me in the eye.
I don’t know why she did it. Really. Maybe she was trying to feel better about her life. Maybe she just thought I was a friend and was trying to give me something to keep me going since I could never have what I wanted.
No!
Wait.
Give me something? Who am I kidding, it was about her. It’s always about her; her problems, her life. I always play along. I listen to her, I comfort her, I get mad for her, and for what? So I can develop this adoration, this desire to protect her, to love her. That confused girl that first appeared in that black dress; the girl who knew medicine but not herself, not what she wanted. The girl who has me hiding in a supply closet.
That’s right, I had to go into work but I can’t see her right now. I just can’t let her see me; I know what I’ll see as soon as those big sad eyes land on my face. Regret. And more pain of course but that’s what she does. Oh, she’ll feel bad for crushing me for…for using me…
I hate this!
I just hate how I am. I know what’s going to happen. I set myself up for this, the letdown, the pain. And yet I’m sitting on the floor in a dark room filled with medical supplies shedding worthless tears over something I knew would happen.
When the door opened a second later I jumped. I guess I could have gone somewhere less frequently visited than a supply closet but in this hospital nothing can really stay hidden. So when I saw Alex step in to the room I just let my head sink back to my knees and hoped against hope that he would just ignore me and go away.
I felt rather than saw the light turn on but a second later it was off again. My breath stopped. I knew it was coming; the laughter, the pity. I expected it; poor O’Malley, too much of a loser to even pull off being rejected without it becoming public entertainment.
I really didn’t expect to feel someone slide down the wall to sit beside me and I didn’t expect the warm hand that clasped my knee.
I should have just played it off, stood up, and got out of there. I could have at least tried to save face in front of the one person who could possibly make me feel worse than I already did. So when a broken sob escaped I was mortified but the hand on my knee just squeezed.
I was horrified, I sat there and the sound of my thoughts was over powering. What was he doing? Was he just trying to get ammo to throw at me the next time I was having a bad day?
My body shook as I was wracked with quiet tears. The hand on my knee moved around my shoulders and pulled me towards a warm body, towards his warm body. I tried to pull away from him but he just shushed me and mumbled something like “I know”
It was too much. I had my heart broken this morning and now a person who I was fairly certain I disliked was patting my head and trying to comfort me.
Trying to comfort me, why? I always thought that he only tolerated me so that he could harass me about all of the ways I didn’t measure up to him.
At that moment I couldn’t control myself. It was too much; I leant into those warm arms and sobbed all of my pain and confusion into his chest. His other arm came around me to rub my back as my body shook with the power of my emotions.
When I gradually came back to myself I was rubbing my nose against the damp shirt in front of me and inhaling the scent of fabric softener mixed with something else, something masculine. Something just Alex.
Alex.
Holy shit…Alex. I jumped up without thinking and staggered for a second before regaining my balance. I did not just cry in front of Alex, on Alex. This was a nightmare. I stood there for a second; my mind was moving to fast for me to think of what to do. Finally, I stepped quickly towards the door only to be stopped by a firm hand against my chest.
“George. Wait, don’t just run away,” Alex said softly.
“No!” I yelled pushing him backward with all my strength against the closed door. “You don’t get to tell me what to do. You don’t get to pretend to care so that you can turn around and laugh behind my back. Or hey, for that matter why not do it to my face. It’s not like anyone here cares about anything other than humiliating me. ‘Poor George, look at how pathetic he is. Look at him mooning over Meredith. Why don’t we all just laugh at how stupid and unlovable he is.’”
“George, you know…”
“No, I don’t know! Why don’t you tell me why you are all such fucking assholes,” I yelled pushing him back again firmly against the wall. “Why are you doing this to me? This was supposed to be easy, the after part. Saying it to her was supposed to be the hard part. All this, the rest of it, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
He looked at me for a moment then shook his head. “Well what do you expect?” I was confused. I could make out his eyes in the dim light from under the door and they were sympathetic, maybe even empathetic but his words were the opposite. It was almost like he was purposefully trying to make me lash out. As he taunted me my hands tightened into fists. “You know it’s Sheppard for her, it always is and it always has been.”
Before I knew what I was doing my clenched fingers flew towards his face and my fist made contact both with a satisfying thud and the squish of soft flesh beneath my hand.
I froze and so did he, but only for a second. He raised his hand to lightly touch his cheek where I had struck him then he steadied himself and said, “She didn’t think of you like that, you were no one, she would never have even contemplated any sort of permanent relationship with you.”
My hand flew at him again, and again. I wasn’t in control of what I was doing. I just threw myself at him; hitting and clawing my way through my pain and he took it. He just took it. He didn’t even raise his hands to defend himself. He was letting me work through my pain in tears and rage and fists. I stopped hitting him and grabbed his shoulders I didn’t think as I shoved him against the wall and brutally slammed my mouth over his.
My emotions had been up and down all day and I honestly didn’t think when I attacked him with my lips. It was just another outlet for me. My body held him against the wall and my mouth forced his open. I tasted his blood on my tongue as his hands hesitantly moved to grip my sides. He was no longer standing there passively. His mouth fought back with mine. Our teeth clashed together and he matched my pain with passion.
He reversed our positions, flipped us around so it was my back against the wall, my body being held up only by the force of his. He leant into me, firm and hard and powerful. My entire body was focused on the tangle of our tongues, the pressure of his chest against mine, and the warm hand sneaking up to press against my bare back.
All of the sudden the contact was gone. And he was ripping at my shirt; I understood and began pulling it over my head as he pulled at his own. I had a moment to become frustrated with my tight tee when I found myself back against the wall with a naked chest pressed against mine and my mouth once again plundered by an incessant tongue.
It was delicious, our mouths connecting while I ran my hands up and down his bare back. It was hot it the room, our bodies were covered in a light sheen of sweat and I couldn’t get enough. I felt his hand slide beneath the drawstring of my pants to clasp my ass and I thrust forward. I hadn’t even realized I was hard until my erection pressed against another. I shuddered and did it again. Our mouths didn’t stop, as we began to slide and grind against each other. My hands moved down his back to slide beneath his pants and find a purchase on the muscular swell of his back.
The pressure was heavenly, I gasped as our bodies moved against each other finding a steady rhythm. I honestly didn’t think things could feel any better until he slid his hand around and firmly grasped my cock.
I broke the kiss with a gasp. I felt rather than saw him smile as his hand started to move and he pressed his mouth firmly back against mine. I leaned my head against the wall and groaned into his mouth. My hand unconsciously slid around his body to grab him firmly and slide his pants down freeing his member to the air. He hissed and sped his own strokes to match mine.
We stood, our foreheads touching, as we let forth small sounds of pleasure. My body was on fire; every nerve alive and focused on the movement of my hand against him and the pleasure of his fingers moving against my own slick skin. It was a back and forth rhythm with a brief twist every second stroke that sped the beat of my heart. My breath came in short, shallow, pants and I was so focused on the myriad of sensations that I was surprised to feel the tense, overwhelming, pleasure of my climax. My grip tightened around him as I came and I felt his seed cover my hand and stomach as he pressed his mouth against mine and muffled his own groans with a softer but powerful kiss.
We parted and he paused for a moment as if he were going to say something but then changed his mind. He grabbed my shirt and tenderly wiped his essence from my stomach then cleaned himself. He dressed as I stood there, then leaned forward, squeezed my shoulder, and pressed a chaste kiss against the side of my mouth before turning and walking out the door.
A moment later I came to my senses. I quickly pulled my pants and underwear up from around my ankles and retied the drawstring. I put on the top of my scrubs and grabbed my soiled tee and scrunched it in a ball. I took a shaky breath and walked out of the dark room back into the harsh light of the real world.
I kept walking straight down the hall and discreetly dropped my shirt into a basket of medical waste. I didn’t look at anyone. I washed my hands, went upstairs, hopped on one of the unused gurneys, opened a textbook and pretended to read. The pages shook as I turned them and the words blurred before my eyes. My body felt pleasantly content after what, I didn’t want to admit, had been the most powerful experience of my life.
I didn’t hear the light footsteps coming down the hall but I did feel the hand the squeezed my shoulder. It was too thin and small. It was annoying. I looked into the dark eyes of my roommate as she began to talk and rather than care what she was saying I just wanted her to leave me alone.
“Look Meredith,” I snapped. “It’s Okay, whatever, I understand. Can you just leave me alone for a bit,” I gestured to the book, “this is important.” She opened her mouth to speak again. “Meredith please,” I said a little harsher than before.
She looked sadly at me, squeezed my shoulder one more time, and walked away. She thought I was upset, heartbroken even. She didn’t know about the scary realization I was coming to.
I didn’t understand how it could be so wonderful and intense with him when it had been nothing but awkward angles, and uncomfortable caresses with her; the love of my life.
God, why couldn’t I just worry about normal things like saving peoples lives and trying to get the best surgeries? Of course I had to be having unfortunate and unwanted realizations about my sexuality. I George O’Malley was nothing but a walking bundle of confusion and uncertainty. I had thought that it would change when I became and intern. I moved into a house with two beautiful women who walked around in their underwear for Christ sakes, I should be suave and cool. But no I’m constantly embarrassed, and unsure. If anything things have gotten worse then they were at med school. Here I am a doctor at a real hospital and I’m having the most incredible, confusing and worst day of my life.
I got a page.
BO 4 U in 6
Great, just what I need a bowel obstruction to deal with.
Worst day of my life.
Author: Amber
Pairings: George / Alex
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I’m just playing with them and own nothing
Summary: George deals with the morning after Meredith and discovers something about himself. In the ever-popular supply closet.
Today is officially the worst day of my life.
Now don’t go thinking I’m being overdramatic I haven’t told you what happened yet. See there’s this girl. Okay, so I know what you’re thinking, there’s always a girl that’s how it works right? I know, but this girl she’s unique; beautiful, in whispery way, with big sad eyes and a voice that makes you want to hold her tight and never let go.
Okay, I have it bad, very bad. She thought that I was nothing more than a friend because I kept my feelings secret for a really long time. I waited so long, in fact, that she was completely clueless. I did eventually tell her, I mean, it was hard and my heart was beating so fast that I couldn’t actually hear what I was saying. I just had this feeling that I had to protect her. I had to keep her safe because she was my ideal woman; unattainable perfection, that is, until I attained her.
When I told her I don’t know what I expected; maybe a hug, a gentle let down, a thank you. Maybe. I don’t know. I didn’t expect to find myself naked and buried deep inside her, gently trusting forwards towards completion, towards that perfect moment when we would be connected in a way I had only dreamt about. Unfortunately reality wasn’t quite so perfect. It was almost uncomfortable. Sweaty yeah, but it was a cold sweat. It was hard angular sex. Definitely sex, not love, I had poured my soul out to her and she couldn’t even look me in the eye.
I don’t know why she did it. Really. Maybe she was trying to feel better about her life. Maybe she just thought I was a friend and was trying to give me something to keep me going since I could never have what I wanted.
No!
Wait.
Give me something? Who am I kidding, it was about her. It’s always about her; her problems, her life. I always play along. I listen to her, I comfort her, I get mad for her, and for what? So I can develop this adoration, this desire to protect her, to love her. That confused girl that first appeared in that black dress; the girl who knew medicine but not herself, not what she wanted. The girl who has me hiding in a supply closet.
That’s right, I had to go into work but I can’t see her right now. I just can’t let her see me; I know what I’ll see as soon as those big sad eyes land on my face. Regret. And more pain of course but that’s what she does. Oh, she’ll feel bad for crushing me for…for using me…
I hate this!
I just hate how I am. I know what’s going to happen. I set myself up for this, the letdown, the pain. And yet I’m sitting on the floor in a dark room filled with medical supplies shedding worthless tears over something I knew would happen.
When the door opened a second later I jumped. I guess I could have gone somewhere less frequently visited than a supply closet but in this hospital nothing can really stay hidden. So when I saw Alex step in to the room I just let my head sink back to my knees and hoped against hope that he would just ignore me and go away.
I felt rather than saw the light turn on but a second later it was off again. My breath stopped. I knew it was coming; the laughter, the pity. I expected it; poor O’Malley, too much of a loser to even pull off being rejected without it becoming public entertainment.
I really didn’t expect to feel someone slide down the wall to sit beside me and I didn’t expect the warm hand that clasped my knee.
I should have just played it off, stood up, and got out of there. I could have at least tried to save face in front of the one person who could possibly make me feel worse than I already did. So when a broken sob escaped I was mortified but the hand on my knee just squeezed.
I was horrified, I sat there and the sound of my thoughts was over powering. What was he doing? Was he just trying to get ammo to throw at me the next time I was having a bad day?
My body shook as I was wracked with quiet tears. The hand on my knee moved around my shoulders and pulled me towards a warm body, towards his warm body. I tried to pull away from him but he just shushed me and mumbled something like “I know”
It was too much. I had my heart broken this morning and now a person who I was fairly certain I disliked was patting my head and trying to comfort me.
Trying to comfort me, why? I always thought that he only tolerated me so that he could harass me about all of the ways I didn’t measure up to him.
At that moment I couldn’t control myself. It was too much; I leant into those warm arms and sobbed all of my pain and confusion into his chest. His other arm came around me to rub my back as my body shook with the power of my emotions.
When I gradually came back to myself I was rubbing my nose against the damp shirt in front of me and inhaling the scent of fabric softener mixed with something else, something masculine. Something just Alex.
Alex.
Holy shit…Alex. I jumped up without thinking and staggered for a second before regaining my balance. I did not just cry in front of Alex, on Alex. This was a nightmare. I stood there for a second; my mind was moving to fast for me to think of what to do. Finally, I stepped quickly towards the door only to be stopped by a firm hand against my chest.
“George. Wait, don’t just run away,” Alex said softly.
“No!” I yelled pushing him backward with all my strength against the closed door. “You don’t get to tell me what to do. You don’t get to pretend to care so that you can turn around and laugh behind my back. Or hey, for that matter why not do it to my face. It’s not like anyone here cares about anything other than humiliating me. ‘Poor George, look at how pathetic he is. Look at him mooning over Meredith. Why don’t we all just laugh at how stupid and unlovable he is.’”
“George, you know…”
“No, I don’t know! Why don’t you tell me why you are all such fucking assholes,” I yelled pushing him back again firmly against the wall. “Why are you doing this to me? This was supposed to be easy, the after part. Saying it to her was supposed to be the hard part. All this, the rest of it, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
He looked at me for a moment then shook his head. “Well what do you expect?” I was confused. I could make out his eyes in the dim light from under the door and they were sympathetic, maybe even empathetic but his words were the opposite. It was almost like he was purposefully trying to make me lash out. As he taunted me my hands tightened into fists. “You know it’s Sheppard for her, it always is and it always has been.”
Before I knew what I was doing my clenched fingers flew towards his face and my fist made contact both with a satisfying thud and the squish of soft flesh beneath my hand.
I froze and so did he, but only for a second. He raised his hand to lightly touch his cheek where I had struck him then he steadied himself and said, “She didn’t think of you like that, you were no one, she would never have even contemplated any sort of permanent relationship with you.”
My hand flew at him again, and again. I wasn’t in control of what I was doing. I just threw myself at him; hitting and clawing my way through my pain and he took it. He just took it. He didn’t even raise his hands to defend himself. He was letting me work through my pain in tears and rage and fists. I stopped hitting him and grabbed his shoulders I didn’t think as I shoved him against the wall and brutally slammed my mouth over his.
My emotions had been up and down all day and I honestly didn’t think when I attacked him with my lips. It was just another outlet for me. My body held him against the wall and my mouth forced his open. I tasted his blood on my tongue as his hands hesitantly moved to grip my sides. He was no longer standing there passively. His mouth fought back with mine. Our teeth clashed together and he matched my pain with passion.
He reversed our positions, flipped us around so it was my back against the wall, my body being held up only by the force of his. He leant into me, firm and hard and powerful. My entire body was focused on the tangle of our tongues, the pressure of his chest against mine, and the warm hand sneaking up to press against my bare back.
All of the sudden the contact was gone. And he was ripping at my shirt; I understood and began pulling it over my head as he pulled at his own. I had a moment to become frustrated with my tight tee when I found myself back against the wall with a naked chest pressed against mine and my mouth once again plundered by an incessant tongue.
It was delicious, our mouths connecting while I ran my hands up and down his bare back. It was hot it the room, our bodies were covered in a light sheen of sweat and I couldn’t get enough. I felt his hand slide beneath the drawstring of my pants to clasp my ass and I thrust forward. I hadn’t even realized I was hard until my erection pressed against another. I shuddered and did it again. Our mouths didn’t stop, as we began to slide and grind against each other. My hands moved down his back to slide beneath his pants and find a purchase on the muscular swell of his back.
The pressure was heavenly, I gasped as our bodies moved against each other finding a steady rhythm. I honestly didn’t think things could feel any better until he slid his hand around and firmly grasped my cock.
I broke the kiss with a gasp. I felt rather than saw him smile as his hand started to move and he pressed his mouth firmly back against mine. I leaned my head against the wall and groaned into his mouth. My hand unconsciously slid around his body to grab him firmly and slide his pants down freeing his member to the air. He hissed and sped his own strokes to match mine.
We stood, our foreheads touching, as we let forth small sounds of pleasure. My body was on fire; every nerve alive and focused on the movement of my hand against him and the pleasure of his fingers moving against my own slick skin. It was a back and forth rhythm with a brief twist every second stroke that sped the beat of my heart. My breath came in short, shallow, pants and I was so focused on the myriad of sensations that I was surprised to feel the tense, overwhelming, pleasure of my climax. My grip tightened around him as I came and I felt his seed cover my hand and stomach as he pressed his mouth against mine and muffled his own groans with a softer but powerful kiss.
We parted and he paused for a moment as if he were going to say something but then changed his mind. He grabbed my shirt and tenderly wiped his essence from my stomach then cleaned himself. He dressed as I stood there, then leaned forward, squeezed my shoulder, and pressed a chaste kiss against the side of my mouth before turning and walking out the door.
A moment later I came to my senses. I quickly pulled my pants and underwear up from around my ankles and retied the drawstring. I put on the top of my scrubs and grabbed my soiled tee and scrunched it in a ball. I took a shaky breath and walked out of the dark room back into the harsh light of the real world.
I kept walking straight down the hall and discreetly dropped my shirt into a basket of medical waste. I didn’t look at anyone. I washed my hands, went upstairs, hopped on one of the unused gurneys, opened a textbook and pretended to read. The pages shook as I turned them and the words blurred before my eyes. My body felt pleasantly content after what, I didn’t want to admit, had been the most powerful experience of my life.
I didn’t hear the light footsteps coming down the hall but I did feel the hand the squeezed my shoulder. It was too thin and small. It was annoying. I looked into the dark eyes of my roommate as she began to talk and rather than care what she was saying I just wanted her to leave me alone.
“Look Meredith,” I snapped. “It’s Okay, whatever, I understand. Can you just leave me alone for a bit,” I gestured to the book, “this is important.” She opened her mouth to speak again. “Meredith please,” I said a little harsher than before.
She looked sadly at me, squeezed my shoulder one more time, and walked away. She thought I was upset, heartbroken even. She didn’t know about the scary realization I was coming to.
I didn’t understand how it could be so wonderful and intense with him when it had been nothing but awkward angles, and uncomfortable caresses with her; the love of my life.
God, why couldn’t I just worry about normal things like saving peoples lives and trying to get the best surgeries? Of course I had to be having unfortunate and unwanted realizations about my sexuality. I George O’Malley was nothing but a walking bundle of confusion and uncertainty. I had thought that it would change when I became and intern. I moved into a house with two beautiful women who walked around in their underwear for Christ sakes, I should be suave and cool. But no I’m constantly embarrassed, and unsure. If anything things have gotten worse then they were at med school. Here I am a doctor at a real hospital and I’m having the most incredible, confusing and worst day of my life.
I got a page.
BO 4 U in 6
Great, just what I need a bowel obstruction to deal with.
Worst day of my life.