musesandlyrics | 7.11. The Fray lyrics
7.11. Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How To Save a Life - The Fray
Chris had lost track of the amount of times he had looked at both his watch and the large clock on the wall of the hospital waiting room. He let out another heavy sigh and sat forward in the uncomfortable plastic chair to push his fingers roughly through his hair. He hated waiting at the best of times, but this was almost unbearable. His eyes stung and he felt close to tears just from the fact he was so uptight and stressed. It seemed to come crashing home to him when he watched Rick being wheeled into the OR. Even if the operation went without a hitch, there was still a very distinct chance Rick wouldn’t be okay.
And Chris didn’t want to lose his big brother.
It was ironic, really. For most of his life, Chris really couldn’t claim that Rick had ever been in his life. Even when they were kids, Rick never wanted to play with Chris, instead opting for getting into trouble with his rougher mates in the neighbourhood. Chris tried so hard in the early days to tag along and be accepted by his big brother, but it just never happened. As they got older, the issues only got bigger... and more expensive. Going through their father’s first downfall with alcohol was painful for them both, but they became resolute to it when the Deleo patriarch never really managed to get back on the wagon, no matter what he did. AA meetings were a waste of time, he didn’t even make it through one counselling session before he was calling the therapist a bastard and walking out... right into the nearest liquor store. The arguments between their parents got worse and worse, but their mother would never leave the deadbeat bastard. Chris never understood why, but at the same time, he gave up trying to get his mom to see the light. He even went so far as to pay their house out when their father drank the family income and savings into the toilet and the mortgage defaulted. It was in Chris’ first year as a qualified doctor. His whole savings, and he lived right on the breadline for a year to make up for it. It was only then that Mrs Deleo left her husband. It was difficult for her to accept ‘charity’ off her youngest son, and she kicked their father out to try and claim back the little of her life that was left. Chris kept helping her out until she was back on her feet, and he’s never seen his father since. One thing for sure was that Rick didn’t get their mother’s genes. Not at all.
Some would think that with the job that Chris did, he would be rolling in the cash. People don’t realise that the wage of a medical resident isn’t as cushy as it sounds. It really wasn’t often that Chris indulged in spending his money, instead trying to save it in case he ever ran into more financial difficulties. Or correction, in case his family ever ran into more financial difficulties. His wallet seemed to be constantly open to Rick, who just kept taking and taking. Chris didn’t even realise he had shelled nineteen grand out to his older brother over the time until Rick gave him that cheque. Now it was twenty seven grand. More than Chris earned in his first year on the job. Moving to Miami, he had bought himself an apartment because handing out rent to some faceless landlord just grated on him. It was also evidence of how much he hoped to succeed in MT1. He still hoped that every day. His dream was to get a fellowship there, but there were very few people who knew how much he actually yearned for that. He was good with the masks. Really damn good. He didn’t even own a car because he hadn’t been able to afford to buy one and really did not want to end up in debt. Now he had just gotten used to his bike. Everything had gone on so smoothly and unchanging for so long that it had come as a real shock to the system when, just a few months before, everything turned upside down around him.
But it wasn’t about the money for Chris, and it never had been. It was about taking care of his family, and he had done it all without question. He just desperately - and stupidly - hoped that every time Rick called him or came to him, it was just because he wanted to spend time with his brother. Just like he had done when they were young kids. It got to a point, though, that Chris took so many knocks, he stopped hoping for anything and just became resolute, always wondering what the fuck Rick wanted when he got in touch... and he was never proven wrong. He just didn’t know what the hell flaw he had that made his brother want nothing to do with him, it was a mystery he had never been able to solve.
Picking up his bottle of water and taking a large mouthful of it, Chris hoped it would wash away the sick feeling sloshing around in his gut again. The waiting room was large with many seats for visitors, but other than Chris, right now it was deserted. It was too quiet, too, and obviously this part of the hospital had little passing traffic. It was enough to send Chris mental, the only thing to break the silence being the monotonous ticking of the large, cheap-looking clock on the wall. He felt so alone, and the fact he had no one there sitting beside him to keep him company was a heavy weight to bear. He looked at the empty seat beside him and then back to the clock once more. There was just no one there to tell him it would be okay, and it was making it really difficult to believe it would be. He didn’t have the energy to convince himself anymore. He and Rick might never have been close, but they were still brothers. They still shared blood. And he didn’t think he would ever really stop hoping that one day, his big brother would just want to spend time with him unconditionally.
And despite everything and all the disappointments, Chris knew then that deep down, he really would put his life on the line for Rick.
Unconditionally.
Word Count | 1,081
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How To Save a Life - The Fray
Chris had lost track of the amount of times he had looked at both his watch and the large clock on the wall of the hospital waiting room. He let out another heavy sigh and sat forward in the uncomfortable plastic chair to push his fingers roughly through his hair. He hated waiting at the best of times, but this was almost unbearable. His eyes stung and he felt close to tears just from the fact he was so uptight and stressed. It seemed to come crashing home to him when he watched Rick being wheeled into the OR. Even if the operation went without a hitch, there was still a very distinct chance Rick wouldn’t be okay.
And Chris didn’t want to lose his big brother.
It was ironic, really. For most of his life, Chris really couldn’t claim that Rick had ever been in his life. Even when they were kids, Rick never wanted to play with Chris, instead opting for getting into trouble with his rougher mates in the neighbourhood. Chris tried so hard in the early days to tag along and be accepted by his big brother, but it just never happened. As they got older, the issues only got bigger... and more expensive. Going through their father’s first downfall with alcohol was painful for them both, but they became resolute to it when the Deleo patriarch never really managed to get back on the wagon, no matter what he did. AA meetings were a waste of time, he didn’t even make it through one counselling session before he was calling the therapist a bastard and walking out... right into the nearest liquor store. The arguments between their parents got worse and worse, but their mother would never leave the deadbeat bastard. Chris never understood why, but at the same time, he gave up trying to get his mom to see the light. He even went so far as to pay their house out when their father drank the family income and savings into the toilet and the mortgage defaulted. It was in Chris’ first year as a qualified doctor. His whole savings, and he lived right on the breadline for a year to make up for it. It was only then that Mrs Deleo left her husband. It was difficult for her to accept ‘charity’ off her youngest son, and she kicked their father out to try and claim back the little of her life that was left. Chris kept helping her out until she was back on her feet, and he’s never seen his father since. One thing for sure was that Rick didn’t get their mother’s genes. Not at all.
Some would think that with the job that Chris did, he would be rolling in the cash. People don’t realise that the wage of a medical resident isn’t as cushy as it sounds. It really wasn’t often that Chris indulged in spending his money, instead trying to save it in case he ever ran into more financial difficulties. Or correction, in case his family ever ran into more financial difficulties. His wallet seemed to be constantly open to Rick, who just kept taking and taking. Chris didn’t even realise he had shelled nineteen grand out to his older brother over the time until Rick gave him that cheque. Now it was twenty seven grand. More than Chris earned in his first year on the job. Moving to Miami, he had bought himself an apartment because handing out rent to some faceless landlord just grated on him. It was also evidence of how much he hoped to succeed in MT1. He still hoped that every day. His dream was to get a fellowship there, but there were very few people who knew how much he actually yearned for that. He was good with the masks. Really damn good. He didn’t even own a car because he hadn’t been able to afford to buy one and really did not want to end up in debt. Now he had just gotten used to his bike. Everything had gone on so smoothly and unchanging for so long that it had come as a real shock to the system when, just a few months before, everything turned upside down around him.
But it wasn’t about the money for Chris, and it never had been. It was about taking care of his family, and he had done it all without question. He just desperately - and stupidly - hoped that every time Rick called him or came to him, it was just because he wanted to spend time with his brother. Just like he had done when they were young kids. It got to a point, though, that Chris took so many knocks, he stopped hoping for anything and just became resolute, always wondering what the fuck Rick wanted when he got in touch... and he was never proven wrong. He just didn’t know what the hell flaw he had that made his brother want nothing to do with him, it was a mystery he had never been able to solve.
Picking up his bottle of water and taking a large mouthful of it, Chris hoped it would wash away the sick feeling sloshing around in his gut again. The waiting room was large with many seats for visitors, but other than Chris, right now it was deserted. It was too quiet, too, and obviously this part of the hospital had little passing traffic. It was enough to send Chris mental, the only thing to break the silence being the monotonous ticking of the large, cheap-looking clock on the wall. He felt so alone, and the fact he had no one there sitting beside him to keep him company was a heavy weight to bear. He looked at the empty seat beside him and then back to the clock once more. There was just no one there to tell him it would be okay, and it was making it really difficult to believe it would be. He didn’t have the energy to convince himself anymore. He and Rick might never have been close, but they were still brothers. They still shared blood. And he didn’t think he would ever really stop hoping that one day, his big brother would just want to spend time with him unconditionally.
And despite everything and all the disappointments, Chris knew then that deep down, he really would put his life on the line for Rick.
Unconditionally.
Word Count | 1,081