Official Quote Post
There are so many great quotes in this show, and it would be a shame if we couldn't remember all of them to yell at people on the street. Hence the official quote post! Click the cut to the episode you'd like to see the quotes from, or Person's cut to see quotes only from our favourite driver. Comment to this post with your favourite quotes, along with the character who says and and the episode it comes from.
GET SOME
Person: "Dear Frederick, Thank you for your nice letter, but I am actually a US Marine who was born to kill whereas clearly you have mistaken me for some sort of wine-sipping Communist dick-suck. And although peace probably appeals to tree-loving bisexuals like you and your parents, I happen to be a death-dealing, blood-crazed warrior who wakes up every day just hoping for the chance to dismember my enemies and defile their civilizations. Peace sucks a hairy asshole, Freddy. War is the motherfucking answer."
Espera: "But thanks for writing, anyway."
Person: Aww, man, every motherfucker in this camp is just waiting for packages of dip, Ripped Fuel, porn mags, batteries, hash chunks, dirty-ass jerk-off letter from Suzy Rottencrotch, except for Brad Colbert over here, who actually thinks that his mail-order turret is gonna come in before we step off. But no, all we get is this happy-day fucking horseshit from Miss Cunt Lips' fourth grade class. Can you fucking believe this shit?
Colbert: Let me understand this. My RTO has just been burned, in his tent, by an exploding portable stove. And without my RTO I will be going to war unable to quickly and effectively establish radio communications - within our unit, with other elements of the battalion, and with close air-support. Is this what is happening?
Espera: That and they're probably gonna NJP all our asses for operating a stove in the tent against the regs.
Colbert: Over an espresso-maker. This platoon is going down over an espresso-maker.
Godfather: Your unit sustained a casualty; a Marine was burned.
Fick: Cpl. Person sustained minor injuries when a cookstove being operated according to regulations suffered a catastrophic failure.
Godfather: And the men operating this cookstove were outside the tent when this happened?
Fick: Yes, sir. At the time Cpl. Person was kneeling by the entrance servicing a 148.
Godfather: And you witnessed this?
Fick: Yes, sir. I observed the stove malfunction and the swift action of my Marines to treat Cpl. Person.
Godfather: Lt. Fick, you might want to consider writing up some of these men for commendation.
Fick: I will consider that, sir.
Person: You know, it doesn't make you gay if you think Rudy's hot. We all think he's hot. Jesus, you're beautiful.
Colbert: Jesus Christ, Rudy. When are you gonna realize that you're fucking gay?
Rudy: I'm not gay.
Colbert: ...were on libo, you were in Banana Republic, daisy-duke shorts. Now you're rolling into battle in a goddamn chicken suit and J.Lo glasses. You're dressed like a pimp queen.
Rudy: I don't dress like no goddamn pimp queen. I wear clothes that are body conscious.
THE CRADLE OF CIVILIZATION
-
SCREWBY
Colbert: Sir, the main weapon on your point vehicle is unreliable. Given the prevailing climatic conditions using this lubricant is like trying to buttfuck a virgin underage Phuket whore with chalk. I mean, KY is clearly called for, sir.
Fick: You'll have to deal with it, Sergeant. We've got four more towns to assault through today. You want logistics, join the Army. Marines make do.
Fick: Present for you. LSA. Scammed some off the guys in RCT 1.
Colbert: Sir, not to get homoerotic about this ... but I could kiss you.
COMBAT JACK
Encino Man: Doc, how 'bout you?
Doc: I'm all squared-away, sir.
Encino Man: Doc, look, we're all aware how much the men look up to you. I'd like to know what you're thinking.
Doc: I don't think so, sir.
Encino Man: Doc, this is your chance to get a little something off your chest.
Doc: You asking me to speak frankly, sir?
Encino Man: Yes, well...
Doc: Well, sir, it's just that you're incompetent, sir.
Encino Man: I'm doing the best I can.
Doc: Sir, it's not good enough.
Colbert: It's bullshit; there's no armor.
Espera: "There's no armor?"
Person: [distant bombing] Well, apparently the United States Air Force thinks Brad Colbert is full of shit.
Person: Oh, no. Christ-lover at my 9.
Colbert: Coming this way?
Person: Yeah, ETA is like 10 seconds.
Colbert: ... gotta deal with this, too.
Chaplain: Men, I'm holding a service and I wonder if you would take comfort in pausing for a word of prayer.
Person: Oh, no, thank you Lt. Commander. We got the warning order so it looks like we're gonna be moving out to kill a whole bunch more of these godless heathens for you. Yeah, but don't worry; we will not rest until the Iraqi threat to your way of worship has been completely neutralized.
Chaplain: I'm aware of the warning order and it is for that reason that we are congregating right now for a brief service of-
Person: The other thing is that my team leader here, Sergeant Colbert, yeah, he was born a Hebrew and remains a practicing Christ-killer. So, it's purely out of respect for him I feel as if I'm gonna have to forgo your festive rituals.
Trombley: I dunno why you guys are down on this shit. I'm a Christian.
Colbert: Theologically speaking, Trombley, the world's been going downhill ever since man first offered entrails to the gods.
Trombley: What's that mean? Entrails?
Person: That religion is gay.
Colbert: The point, Lance Corporal: we're supposed to be a recon unit of pure warrior spirit. We're out here, 40 clicks in enemy lines, and this man of God here, he's a fucking POG. In fact, he's an officer POG. That's one more layer of bureaucracy and unnecessary logistics, one more asshole we need to supply MREs and baby wipes for. And worst of all, worst of all, the motherfucker doesn't even carry a weapon. When push comes to shove even Rolling Stone picks up a gun but this fucking shill of God, he can't cover a sector, he'll never hump ammo or Claymores. This is a fucking war and we're here as warriors, so on top of everything else that's expected of us do we really need to drag him along and indulge in this make-believe bullshit?
Person: Oh, no. Now not only do we have to worry about all the Charms you've eaten, but now Brad's just pissed off God.
Colbert: Poke, what the fuck are you, anyway? Your wife is half-white, you talk like you're black, most of your friends are fuckin' black, and every once in a while, when you feel like it, you throw in with the Indians. Is it just that you're whatever race happens to be cool at the moment?
Espera: You got a point, dog. I don't hang out with Mexicans...Mexicans got twenty thousand dollar stereos, lots of guns, and every time I go into a liquor store with one of 'em I'm afraid we're gonna rob the place. Mexicans are scary motherfuckers.
Encino Man: And I know you're mad at the battalion. Because as you know, I've been talking to you and I've heard you. And I know you're angry. I know you're angry that the supply truck was burned and you don't have that food to eat. You told me this and I heard you. But you shouldn't be angry at your Command. If you're angry at your Command, then you're saying that it was our fault that the supply truck was burned. But we didn't burn the supply truck; the enemy burned the supply truck. They took your food from you. That's the important thing to remember: it was the enemy who stole your food from you and you should be really, really mad at them. Before we step off on this next mission, I'm reminding you of who your enemy is: the enemy.
Manimal: My bad, I dropped the box of grenades
Rudy: See! And this is why we can't have nice things.
A BURNING DOG
Colbert: What's this I'm hearing about Casey Kasem going around in front of E-3s and 2s calling Lt. Fick a coward?
Fick: Gunnery Sergeant, you do not fucking come up on a discussion between the Captain and myself and speak unless you are spoken to. And nobody fucking spoke to you.
Fick: Frankly, gentlemen, I'm not hearing the aggressiveness that I'd like. Prepare your teams to step off.
Colbert: If my mother ever distributed my likeness without written authorization I would disown her.
Person: Technically speaking, Brad, but ... didn't your biological parents disown you when they put you up for adoption?
Colbert: Point, Ray. I was one of those unfortunates adopted by upper-middle class professionals and nurtured in an environment of learning, art, and a socio-religious culture steeped in more than two thousand years of Talmudic tradition. Not everyone is lucky enough to have been raised in a whiskey tango trailer park by a bow-legged female whose sole qualification for motherhood is a womb that happened to catch the sperm of a passing truck driver.
Person: At least my mom took me to NASCAR!
STAY FROSTY
Fick: You can fuck with me all you want, but do not, I repeat, do not fuck with my men.
Walt: You fucking messed up hick, you can't even eat ravioli.
Fick: Walt, finish your report, get it to me asap. You did nothing wrong, but - we're gonna see if there's a better way to stop these cars.
Person: Walt's got a great way, LT. Shoot the driver, stop the car.
BOMB IN THE GARDEN
-
RAY PERSON'S SECTION OF AWESOME
You know what happens when you get out of the Marine Corp? You get your brains back. - Get Some
Damn, sucker. I just got some. Look at me, Brad. I'm a man now. Just like you. Except...I don't look like a faggot and talk all educated. - Screwby
I tell you, Jacks, it's this new generation. In the opinion of this Marine it's all that damn gangster rap and those videogames that are desensitizing today's youth to violence. - Combat Jack
Goddamned Baptista. How the fuck would he like it if I joined the Brazilian Marines and only spoke English? - A Burning Dog
Oh, my God, he wants to be a ballerina? That's my fucking dream. - Stay Frosty
You deceiving, conniving Hebrew motherfucker. How were you gonna keep this from your dearest pal, Ray-Ray? - Stay Frosty
Remember, you can always Crtl + F with the name of the character you'd like to see quotes from to find their quotes.
GET SOME
Person: "Dear Frederick, Thank you for your nice letter, but I am actually a US Marine who was born to kill whereas clearly you have mistaken me for some sort of wine-sipping Communist dick-suck. And although peace probably appeals to tree-loving bisexuals like you and your parents, I happen to be a death-dealing, blood-crazed warrior who wakes up every day just hoping for the chance to dismember my enemies and defile their civilizations. Peace sucks a hairy asshole, Freddy. War is the motherfucking answer."
Espera: "But thanks for writing, anyway."
Person: Aww, man, every motherfucker in this camp is just waiting for packages of dip, Ripped Fuel, porn mags, batteries, hash chunks, dirty-ass jerk-off letter from Suzy Rottencrotch, except for Brad Colbert over here, who actually thinks that his mail-order turret is gonna come in before we step off. But no, all we get is this happy-day fucking horseshit from Miss Cunt Lips' fourth grade class. Can you fucking believe this shit?
Colbert: Let me understand this. My RTO has just been burned, in his tent, by an exploding portable stove. And without my RTO I will be going to war unable to quickly and effectively establish radio communications - within our unit, with other elements of the battalion, and with close air-support. Is this what is happening?
Espera: That and they're probably gonna NJP all our asses for operating a stove in the tent against the regs.
Colbert: Over an espresso-maker. This platoon is going down over an espresso-maker.
Godfather: Your unit sustained a casualty; a Marine was burned.
Fick: Cpl. Person sustained minor injuries when a cookstove being operated according to regulations suffered a catastrophic failure.
Godfather: And the men operating this cookstove were outside the tent when this happened?
Fick: Yes, sir. At the time Cpl. Person was kneeling by the entrance servicing a 148.
Godfather: And you witnessed this?
Fick: Yes, sir. I observed the stove malfunction and the swift action of my Marines to treat Cpl. Person.
Godfather: Lt. Fick, you might want to consider writing up some of these men for commendation.
Fick: I will consider that, sir.
Person: You know, it doesn't make you gay if you think Rudy's hot. We all think he's hot. Jesus, you're beautiful.
Colbert: Jesus Christ, Rudy. When are you gonna realize that you're fucking gay?
Rudy: I'm not gay.
Colbert: ...were on libo, you were in Banana Republic, daisy-duke shorts. Now you're rolling into battle in a goddamn chicken suit and J.Lo glasses. You're dressed like a pimp queen.
Rudy: I don't dress like no goddamn pimp queen. I wear clothes that are body conscious.
THE CRADLE OF CIVILIZATION
-
SCREWBY
Colbert: Sir, the main weapon on your point vehicle is unreliable. Given the prevailing climatic conditions using this lubricant is like trying to buttfuck a virgin underage Phuket whore with chalk. I mean, KY is clearly called for, sir.
Fick: You'll have to deal with it, Sergeant. We've got four more towns to assault through today. You want logistics, join the Army. Marines make do.
Fick: Present for you. LSA. Scammed some off the guys in RCT 1.
Colbert: Sir, not to get homoerotic about this ... but I could kiss you.
COMBAT JACK
Encino Man: Doc, how 'bout you?
Doc: I'm all squared-away, sir.
Encino Man: Doc, look, we're all aware how much the men look up to you. I'd like to know what you're thinking.
Doc: I don't think so, sir.
Encino Man: Doc, this is your chance to get a little something off your chest.
Doc: You asking me to speak frankly, sir?
Encino Man: Yes, well...
Doc: Well, sir, it's just that you're incompetent, sir.
Encino Man: I'm doing the best I can.
Doc: Sir, it's not good enough.
Colbert: It's bullshit; there's no armor.
Espera: "There's no armor?"
Person: [distant bombing] Well, apparently the United States Air Force thinks Brad Colbert is full of shit.
Person: Oh, no. Christ-lover at my 9.
Colbert: Coming this way?
Person: Yeah, ETA is like 10 seconds.
Colbert: ... gotta deal with this, too.
Chaplain: Men, I'm holding a service and I wonder if you would take comfort in pausing for a word of prayer.
Person: Oh, no, thank you Lt. Commander. We got the warning order so it looks like we're gonna be moving out to kill a whole bunch more of these godless heathens for you. Yeah, but don't worry; we will not rest until the Iraqi threat to your way of worship has been completely neutralized.
Chaplain: I'm aware of the warning order and it is for that reason that we are congregating right now for a brief service of-
Person: The other thing is that my team leader here, Sergeant Colbert, yeah, he was born a Hebrew and remains a practicing Christ-killer. So, it's purely out of respect for him I feel as if I'm gonna have to forgo your festive rituals.
Trombley: I dunno why you guys are down on this shit. I'm a Christian.
Colbert: Theologically speaking, Trombley, the world's been going downhill ever since man first offered entrails to the gods.
Trombley: What's that mean? Entrails?
Person: That religion is gay.
Colbert: The point, Lance Corporal: we're supposed to be a recon unit of pure warrior spirit. We're out here, 40 clicks in enemy lines, and this man of God here, he's a fucking POG. In fact, he's an officer POG. That's one more layer of bureaucracy and unnecessary logistics, one more asshole we need to supply MREs and baby wipes for. And worst of all, worst of all, the motherfucker doesn't even carry a weapon. When push comes to shove even Rolling Stone picks up a gun but this fucking shill of God, he can't cover a sector, he'll never hump ammo or Claymores. This is a fucking war and we're here as warriors, so on top of everything else that's expected of us do we really need to drag him along and indulge in this make-believe bullshit?
Person: Oh, no. Now not only do we have to worry about all the Charms you've eaten, but now Brad's just pissed off God.
Colbert: Poke, what the fuck are you, anyway? Your wife is half-white, you talk like you're black, most of your friends are fuckin' black, and every once in a while, when you feel like it, you throw in with the Indians. Is it just that you're whatever race happens to be cool at the moment?
Espera: You got a point, dog. I don't hang out with Mexicans...Mexicans got twenty thousand dollar stereos, lots of guns, and every time I go into a liquor store with one of 'em I'm afraid we're gonna rob the place. Mexicans are scary motherfuckers.
Encino Man: And I know you're mad at the battalion. Because as you know, I've been talking to you and I've heard you. And I know you're angry. I know you're angry that the supply truck was burned and you don't have that food to eat. You told me this and I heard you. But you shouldn't be angry at your Command. If you're angry at your Command, then you're saying that it was our fault that the supply truck was burned. But we didn't burn the supply truck; the enemy burned the supply truck. They took your food from you. That's the important thing to remember: it was the enemy who stole your food from you and you should be really, really mad at them. Before we step off on this next mission, I'm reminding you of who your enemy is: the enemy.
Manimal: My bad, I dropped the box of grenades
Rudy: See! And this is why we can't have nice things.
A BURNING DOG
Colbert: What's this I'm hearing about Casey Kasem going around in front of E-3s and 2s calling Lt. Fick a coward?
Fick: Gunnery Sergeant, you do not fucking come up on a discussion between the Captain and myself and speak unless you are spoken to. And nobody fucking spoke to you.
Fick: Frankly, gentlemen, I'm not hearing the aggressiveness that I'd like. Prepare your teams to step off.
Colbert: If my mother ever distributed my likeness without written authorization I would disown her.
Person: Technically speaking, Brad, but ... didn't your biological parents disown you when they put you up for adoption?
Colbert: Point, Ray. I was one of those unfortunates adopted by upper-middle class professionals and nurtured in an environment of learning, art, and a socio-religious culture steeped in more than two thousand years of Talmudic tradition. Not everyone is lucky enough to have been raised in a whiskey tango trailer park by a bow-legged female whose sole qualification for motherhood is a womb that happened to catch the sperm of a passing truck driver.
Person: At least my mom took me to NASCAR!
STAY FROSTY
Fick: You can fuck with me all you want, but do not, I repeat, do not fuck with my men.
Walt: You fucking messed up hick, you can't even eat ravioli.
Fick: Walt, finish your report, get it to me asap. You did nothing wrong, but - we're gonna see if there's a better way to stop these cars.
Person: Walt's got a great way, LT. Shoot the driver, stop the car.
BOMB IN THE GARDEN
-
RAY PERSON'S SECTION OF AWESOME
You know what happens when you get out of the Marine Corp? You get your brains back. - Get Some
Damn, sucker. I just got some. Look at me, Brad. I'm a man now. Just like you. Except...I don't look like a faggot and talk all educated. - Screwby
I tell you, Jacks, it's this new generation. In the opinion of this Marine it's all that damn gangster rap and those videogames that are desensitizing today's youth to violence. - Combat Jack
Goddamned Baptista. How the fuck would he like it if I joined the Brazilian Marines and only spoke English? - A Burning Dog
Oh, my God, he wants to be a ballerina? That's my fucking dream. - Stay Frosty
You deceiving, conniving Hebrew motherfucker. How were you gonna keep this from your dearest pal, Ray-Ray? - Stay Frosty
Remember, you can always Crtl + F with the name of the character you'd like to see quotes from to find their quotes.