Fic: Two Ducks in Love (4/?)
Title: Two Ducks in Love (4/?)
Author: gemmi999
Rating: PG now, eventually PG-13/R
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: *eventual* Kurt/Blaine (with other side pairings)
Warning: None
Word Count: 2500ish
Summary: When Kurt’s thirteen, his father sits him down at the kitchen table and stares at him. Looks at him and looks through him until Kurt’s shifting uncomfortably because he’s pretty sure this means he did something wrong and is going to get punished, but for the life of him he doesn’t know *what* he did. He knows his dad’s kind of freaked out because he broke his arm, but he’d told his dad that he fell (doesn’t mention being pushed, doesn’t mention being called queer) and he’s pretty sure his dad had believed him. AU
Previous Parts: 1 2 3
They leave Santa Cruz almost as silently as they'd left Lima-the car packed up, uhaul filled to the brim, with Kurt in the front seat surrounded by books. JD had been there, crying a little and hugging Kurt and telling him in no uncertain terms that just because he might be 2,000 miles away did not mean he couldn't text on a regular basis and if he didn't JD might just have to tell Burt about the water polo player. Tiffany and Maria had said goodbye the day before, with photographs of Kurt's favorite places around Santa Cruz, framed and ready to be hung on the wall. They'd given him a secret set as well, from their San Fransisco trip. If Kurt couldn't be in California, then they wanted to give Kurt pieces of California to take with him. He'd cried a little, and hugged them both close.
Kurt pulls the Pride photos out as his father drove away. He wants to remember every second of that trip, every second of his time in Santa Cruz. His memories are going to be his armor in Lima, and he wants to start fortifying them.
"Whatcha looking at, Kiddo?" Burt asks.
Kurt debates with himself for half-a-minute. "Pictures of San Fransisco Pride from last summer." He figures he might as well admit it now while they're moving. It's been a year but his dad might still want to punish him and Kurt hopes that maybe his dad will think that moving is punishment enough.
"I'm glad you had fun," Burt says and Kurt's confused because he'd been expecting something more then that, anger or disappointment. If Kurt was being honest with himself, he'd realize he was trying to pick a fight. He's so *angry* that they have to leave Santa Cruz, have to leave one of the only places Kurt has ever felt *safe* in and he knows it isn't his dad's fault but yelling would make him feel better. Of course his dad isn't exactly going along with this plan though. He's being nice and *supportive*.
Kurt looks out the window, stares at the ocean as if it's the last time he's going to see it. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it before," Kurt whispers because he doesn't like lying to his dad; doesn't like disappointing him, and this feels like he's done both, tangled together in one act.
"You're a teenager and you're supposed to have secrets, right?" Burt shrugs. "Besides, Tiffany told me before the trip."
"Tiffany told you?" Kurt turns and stares at his dad. "And you still let me go?"
Burt stiffens a little. "Why wouldn't I let you go? Isn't it supposed to be a big thing, San Fransisco Pride? I went with you to the Santa Cruz one last year."
"Because of the amount of alcohol and drugs that are floating around it?" Kurt says, and okay, maybe he shouldn't be so sarcastic but still. "Because it was in a city far away and I lied to you and I looked at naked guys and topless girls and Tiffany tried to join in but Maria stopped her, thank god, because there are just some things I don't need to see." Kurt's rambling at this point.
"You're a good kid. You wouldn't touch drugs or alcohol," Burt shrugs.
"I looked at naked guys." Kurt says, and okay, at this point he's *definitely* just trying to get a reaction out of his dad because really, really, he hadn't. He looked at guys in speedos, guys with chaps on that didn't cover their butts, guys with four packs and six packs and beer bellies but none of them had been naked.
"I'm pretty sure you can find worse things on the web, and you've had that in your bedroom for at least a year." Burt says dryly.
"No." Kurt shakes his head. "This we do not talk about."
"What, porn?" Burt laughs a little. "You're 15 Kurt, and I'm pretty sure by this point you know what it is, and where to find it."
"You're my father. There's like, a thing. Separating you and all thoughts of sex."
"So I take it you don't want to discuss how far you've gone, then?" Burt asks and now Kurt is shifting, looking at his father, and yes, okay, he can definitely see that is father is a bit uncomfortable.
Kurt debates turning the radio on but he actually thinks he might want to have this conversation, might want to tell his dad. "Why would you even ask me that?" Kurt isn't proud of it, but he whines this question, tries to make his voice annoying and childlike because maybe, maybe, he can get his father off this topic for the sake of both their sanity's.
"Kurt-" Kurt looks at his father. "Just-I want you to be able to talk to me about stuff. I mean, if you can't talk to me about this, how are you going to be able to talk to me about stuff in Lima? About what's happening at school and missing Santa Cruz, and whatever adventures JD and Tiffany have gotten into?"
Kurt sighs. "Fine, alright. You've made a sufficiently compelling argument."
"Okay." Burt nods. "Um. First kiss?"
"Have I had one, or where was it/who was it with?" Kurt asks.
"Both." Burt's eyes are staring at the road in front of them and Kurt's glad. He isn't sure he can have this conversation and still look his dad in the eye.
"Um. The captain of the water polo team, his History class, Valentine's day."
"In front of his entire class, huh?" Kurt can't tell if his dad sounds weirded out or impressed. It's better for both of them if Kurt thinks his dad is weirded out though, so that's what he'll choose to believe.
"Yeah, well. He ordered one of those Valentine's day cards from the GSA and I had to kiss his cheek and he turned his head."
"Oh." Burt laughs a little and Kurt flushes.
"I mean, we did it again later, after school. That one was better." Kurt whispers the last part of the sentence, hoping his dad doesn't hear it.
"But you didn't date, right?" Burt asks.
"Well-" Kurt sighs. This whole honesty thing is kind of a drag. "Look, I know you told me no serious boyfriend until at least 16, and I haven't had one, I promise! Just-we did go on a few dates. And it was weird and then we didn't do anymore dates."
"Ok." Burt says. "What about, um-"
"Dad," and Kurt's blushing now and he hopes what he's about to say isn't what his dad is trying to ask. "Are you trying to ask how far I've gone?"
And okay, Kurt's pretty sure he can just die of embarrassment now because his dad is nodding and this is seriously, seriously, not what he expected to be talking about as they drive away from Santa Cruz.
"Um-I haven't really done much more. Nothing under any clothes at all."
"Okay. That's good. I mean, I know we talked a little bit about sex when you came home from the panel last year, and I know you know the details, right?"
Kurt's beyond blushing now, he's bright red and part of him just wants to fake a text message from JD or Maria or somebody to get out of this conversation. But yeah, his dad is right, they have to be able to talk about these things, talk in general really. Lima is going to be really different then Santa Cruz and Kurt's going to need his dad more then ever.
"Yeah, I know the details," Kurt agrees. "And I know about STD's and HIV and how to have safe sex." He mutters the last part because part of him still can't believe he's talking to his father about sex.
"Um, good." Burt agrees, staring out at the road. He's silent for a minute or two and Kurt hopes that's the end of the awkward conversation because he isn't sure he can't handle much more of this-he's already bright red and tomato really isn't his look. "You know why I want you to wait for a boyfriend, right?" Burt asks and Kurt sighs because of course that's not the end of the conversation.
"Because it embarrassess you to think about your little boy having sex?" Kurt asks and okay, that might be a bit mean but this entire conversation is a bit mean, in Kurt's opinion.
"Not quite, buddy." Burt laughs again and Kurt's happy because his dad hasn't laughed as freely in a long time. "It's because you're so damn emotional, and that isn't a bad thing. Just-you feel things so deeply and I want you to be older and a bit more mature before you start dating because otherwise-" Burt just shakes his head.
Kurt's silent while his dad says this. He thinks his dad is probably right, that Kurt does have the tendency to fall hard and fast and he can see where his dad is coming from, trying to protect him from the world. "I get it." Kurt finally says.
Burt shakes his head. "Just-Kurt-you have to know you're the world to me. You are literally the most important person in my life and I-I just want to protect you for as long as I can."
Kurt blinks back tears. "Dad-"
"Let me finish, okay kiddo?" Burt interrupts him. "Just-sex is easy, it feels good and it makes you feel powerful and connected to somebody, and I want you to have that. It's just-a lot of people get confused by it too. It feels good so they want to do it and they don't think about who they're doing it with. And that's the most important part. You're vulnerable during sex and Kurt, son, I love you but you don't do vulnerable well. You're too much like me, too much in control."
Kurt doesn't know what to say because obviously his dad has thought this out, has thought about Kurt having sex and who he'll be having it with, and just-Kurt hasn't given sex this much thought before. And maybe this means he needs to, that he needs to think about it more then he has and think about what it means.
"So I wanted you to wait," Burt says and Kurt jerks around because he'd kind of forgotten that his dad was still talking. "I wanted you to wait until you were older, until you were more mature so you would understand what I'm talking about and pick out some boy who makes you feel important, who makes you feel special, so that when they see you like that, when you're vulnerable in front of them? They're vulnerable right back. And you'll both treat it like it deserves to be treated. Treat each other like you deserve to be treated."
Burt falls silent then, and Kurt is crying because he knows his dad loves him, he's always known this, but right now he feels like his dad can actually see him and that's something entirely different.
"Thanks, dad." Kurt finally whispers, once he's stopped crying. "I love you." Burt doesn't say anything in response, just reaches over and holds onto Kurt's hand.
The two drive in silence, holding hands, for the rest of the afternoon. Kurt's pretty sure he's never felt as close to his dad as he did right now.
When he glances at the photo album in his lap, of his pictures from San Fransisco Pride, he thinks maybe his memories of Santa Cruz aren't his only armor. He looks at the older man driving his truck, scowling at a car in front of them, and yeah. He has his dad. He's pretty sure he won't need anything else.
Next
Author: gemmi999
Rating: PG now, eventually PG-13/R
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: *eventual* Kurt/Blaine (with other side pairings)
Warning: None
Word Count: 2500ish
Summary: When Kurt’s thirteen, his father sits him down at the kitchen table and stares at him. Looks at him and looks through him until Kurt’s shifting uncomfortably because he’s pretty sure this means he did something wrong and is going to get punished, but for the life of him he doesn’t know *what* he did. He knows his dad’s kind of freaked out because he broke his arm, but he’d told his dad that he fell (doesn’t mention being pushed, doesn’t mention being called queer) and he’s pretty sure his dad had believed him. AU
Previous Parts: 1 2 3
They leave Santa Cruz almost as silently as they'd left Lima-the car packed up, uhaul filled to the brim, with Kurt in the front seat surrounded by books. JD had been there, crying a little and hugging Kurt and telling him in no uncertain terms that just because he might be 2,000 miles away did not mean he couldn't text on a regular basis and if he didn't JD might just have to tell Burt about the water polo player. Tiffany and Maria had said goodbye the day before, with photographs of Kurt's favorite places around Santa Cruz, framed and ready to be hung on the wall. They'd given him a secret set as well, from their San Fransisco trip. If Kurt couldn't be in California, then they wanted to give Kurt pieces of California to take with him. He'd cried a little, and hugged them both close.
Kurt pulls the Pride photos out as his father drove away. He wants to remember every second of that trip, every second of his time in Santa Cruz. His memories are going to be his armor in Lima, and he wants to start fortifying them.
"Whatcha looking at, Kiddo?" Burt asks.
Kurt debates with himself for half-a-minute. "Pictures of San Fransisco Pride from last summer." He figures he might as well admit it now while they're moving. It's been a year but his dad might still want to punish him and Kurt hopes that maybe his dad will think that moving is punishment enough.
"I'm glad you had fun," Burt says and Kurt's confused because he'd been expecting something more then that, anger or disappointment. If Kurt was being honest with himself, he'd realize he was trying to pick a fight. He's so *angry* that they have to leave Santa Cruz, have to leave one of the only places Kurt has ever felt *safe* in and he knows it isn't his dad's fault but yelling would make him feel better. Of course his dad isn't exactly going along with this plan though. He's being nice and *supportive*.
Kurt looks out the window, stares at the ocean as if it's the last time he's going to see it. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it before," Kurt whispers because he doesn't like lying to his dad; doesn't like disappointing him, and this feels like he's done both, tangled together in one act.
"You're a teenager and you're supposed to have secrets, right?" Burt shrugs. "Besides, Tiffany told me before the trip."
"Tiffany told you?" Kurt turns and stares at his dad. "And you still let me go?"
Burt stiffens a little. "Why wouldn't I let you go? Isn't it supposed to be a big thing, San Fransisco Pride? I went with you to the Santa Cruz one last year."
"Because of the amount of alcohol and drugs that are floating around it?" Kurt says, and okay, maybe he shouldn't be so sarcastic but still. "Because it was in a city far away and I lied to you and I looked at naked guys and topless girls and Tiffany tried to join in but Maria stopped her, thank god, because there are just some things I don't need to see." Kurt's rambling at this point.
"You're a good kid. You wouldn't touch drugs or alcohol," Burt shrugs.
"I looked at naked guys." Kurt says, and okay, at this point he's *definitely* just trying to get a reaction out of his dad because really, really, he hadn't. He looked at guys in speedos, guys with chaps on that didn't cover their butts, guys with four packs and six packs and beer bellies but none of them had been naked.
"I'm pretty sure you can find worse things on the web, and you've had that in your bedroom for at least a year." Burt says dryly.
"No." Kurt shakes his head. "This we do not talk about."
"What, porn?" Burt laughs a little. "You're 15 Kurt, and I'm pretty sure by this point you know what it is, and where to find it."
"You're my father. There's like, a thing. Separating you and all thoughts of sex."
"So I take it you don't want to discuss how far you've gone, then?" Burt asks and now Kurt is shifting, looking at his father, and yes, okay, he can definitely see that is father is a bit uncomfortable.
Kurt debates turning the radio on but he actually thinks he might want to have this conversation, might want to tell his dad. "Why would you even ask me that?" Kurt isn't proud of it, but he whines this question, tries to make his voice annoying and childlike because maybe, maybe, he can get his father off this topic for the sake of both their sanity's.
"Kurt-" Kurt looks at his father. "Just-I want you to be able to talk to me about stuff. I mean, if you can't talk to me about this, how are you going to be able to talk to me about stuff in Lima? About what's happening at school and missing Santa Cruz, and whatever adventures JD and Tiffany have gotten into?"
Kurt sighs. "Fine, alright. You've made a sufficiently compelling argument."
"Okay." Burt nods. "Um. First kiss?"
"Have I had one, or where was it/who was it with?" Kurt asks.
"Both." Burt's eyes are staring at the road in front of them and Kurt's glad. He isn't sure he can have this conversation and still look his dad in the eye.
"Um. The captain of the water polo team, his History class, Valentine's day."
"In front of his entire class, huh?" Kurt can't tell if his dad sounds weirded out or impressed. It's better for both of them if Kurt thinks his dad is weirded out though, so that's what he'll choose to believe.
"Yeah, well. He ordered one of those Valentine's day cards from the GSA and I had to kiss his cheek and he turned his head."
"Oh." Burt laughs a little and Kurt flushes.
"I mean, we did it again later, after school. That one was better." Kurt whispers the last part of the sentence, hoping his dad doesn't hear it.
"But you didn't date, right?" Burt asks.
"Well-" Kurt sighs. This whole honesty thing is kind of a drag. "Look, I know you told me no serious boyfriend until at least 16, and I haven't had one, I promise! Just-we did go on a few dates. And it was weird and then we didn't do anymore dates."
"Ok." Burt says. "What about, um-"
"Dad," and Kurt's blushing now and he hopes what he's about to say isn't what his dad is trying to ask. "Are you trying to ask how far I've gone?"
And okay, Kurt's pretty sure he can just die of embarrassment now because his dad is nodding and this is seriously, seriously, not what he expected to be talking about as they drive away from Santa Cruz.
"Um-I haven't really done much more. Nothing under any clothes at all."
"Okay. That's good. I mean, I know we talked a little bit about sex when you came home from the panel last year, and I know you know the details, right?"
Kurt's beyond blushing now, he's bright red and part of him just wants to fake a text message from JD or Maria or somebody to get out of this conversation. But yeah, his dad is right, they have to be able to talk about these things, talk in general really. Lima is going to be really different then Santa Cruz and Kurt's going to need his dad more then ever.
"Yeah, I know the details," Kurt agrees. "And I know about STD's and HIV and how to have safe sex." He mutters the last part because part of him still can't believe he's talking to his father about sex.
"Um, good." Burt agrees, staring out at the road. He's silent for a minute or two and Kurt hopes that's the end of the awkward conversation because he isn't sure he can't handle much more of this-he's already bright red and tomato really isn't his look. "You know why I want you to wait for a boyfriend, right?" Burt asks and Kurt sighs because of course that's not the end of the conversation.
"Because it embarrassess you to think about your little boy having sex?" Kurt asks and okay, that might be a bit mean but this entire conversation is a bit mean, in Kurt's opinion.
"Not quite, buddy." Burt laughs again and Kurt's happy because his dad hasn't laughed as freely in a long time. "It's because you're so damn emotional, and that isn't a bad thing. Just-you feel things so deeply and I want you to be older and a bit more mature before you start dating because otherwise-" Burt just shakes his head.
Kurt's silent while his dad says this. He thinks his dad is probably right, that Kurt does have the tendency to fall hard and fast and he can see where his dad is coming from, trying to protect him from the world. "I get it." Kurt finally says.
Burt shakes his head. "Just-Kurt-you have to know you're the world to me. You are literally the most important person in my life and I-I just want to protect you for as long as I can."
Kurt blinks back tears. "Dad-"
"Let me finish, okay kiddo?" Burt interrupts him. "Just-sex is easy, it feels good and it makes you feel powerful and connected to somebody, and I want you to have that. It's just-a lot of people get confused by it too. It feels good so they want to do it and they don't think about who they're doing it with. And that's the most important part. You're vulnerable during sex and Kurt, son, I love you but you don't do vulnerable well. You're too much like me, too much in control."
Kurt doesn't know what to say because obviously his dad has thought this out, has thought about Kurt having sex and who he'll be having it with, and just-Kurt hasn't given sex this much thought before. And maybe this means he needs to, that he needs to think about it more then he has and think about what it means.
"So I wanted you to wait," Burt says and Kurt jerks around because he'd kind of forgotten that his dad was still talking. "I wanted you to wait until you were older, until you were more mature so you would understand what I'm talking about and pick out some boy who makes you feel important, who makes you feel special, so that when they see you like that, when you're vulnerable in front of them? They're vulnerable right back. And you'll both treat it like it deserves to be treated. Treat each other like you deserve to be treated."
Burt falls silent then, and Kurt is crying because he knows his dad loves him, he's always known this, but right now he feels like his dad can actually see him and that's something entirely different.
"Thanks, dad." Kurt finally whispers, once he's stopped crying. "I love you." Burt doesn't say anything in response, just reaches over and holds onto Kurt's hand.
The two drive in silence, holding hands, for the rest of the afternoon. Kurt's pretty sure he's never felt as close to his dad as he did right now.
When he glances at the photo album in his lap, of his pictures from San Fransisco Pride, he thinks maybe his memories of Santa Cruz aren't his only armor. He looks at the older man driving his truck, scowling at a car in front of them, and yeah. He has his dad. He's pretty sure he won't need anything else.
Next