When Reality Sets Back In 3/?
Title: Coping Mechanisms and Puns
Rating: T for mild language & innuendo?
Author: The artist formerly (and still) known as Xochil (who responds to 50 other nicknames). Or rather rr_of_da for here.
Multiverse
Disclaimer: I STILL don't own Wicked or any of its characters. I'm working on it though, I have a take over the world plan and everything. It involves selling melons in Japan and taking over Sealand and several world wars.
Link to the first chapter on my profile (it's also in the archives of Gelphie Lovers): http://rr-of-da.livejournal.com/588.html#cutid1
Second Chapter: http://community.livejournal.com/gelphie_lovers/327964.html
Link to the story on ff.net: www.fanfiction.net/s/5893465/1/When_Reality_Sets_Back_In
Elphaba woke up to the sound of Glinda lightly snoring. The moon was peeking through the window, indicating they had slept the whole day. She turned her head to align her nose with Glinda's and began lightly stroking her hair. Glinda mumbled, "Elphie" and snuggled in closer, if that was even possible. After another moment of Elphaba caressing her head, her eyes fluttered open.
She immediately took advantage of the proximity of their lips. As the kiss deepened, Glinda threaded her fingers through Elphaba's hair, eventually taking hold of Elphie's ears. With this hold she impossibly made the distance between them even smaller.
Finally their breath ran out, and they were forced to pull away, but only just. The warm exhales enveloped their faces. Elphaba closed her eyes for a bit.
Glinda could feel Elphaba furrow her brow against her own forehead, "what ya thinkin' bout?"
"Glin…I have to leave. And then there's also that you could have anyone you want, and I didn't question you choosing me before because of the general shock and elation."
Glinda pointed her eyes downward and remarked, "I knew this was coming I just…guess I was in denial. I guess I have to face it now, but why do you have to leave?"
"Well, for one I kept you from your duties all day and then the-"
"What you did was cure my insomnia. I can just tell them I thought I was coming down with a cold and didn't bother getting out of bed all day."
"…and then there's the whole I-need-to-leave-when-there's-practically-no-light thing and you can't exactly hide someone's existence."
"You did it before, and you could always stay the whole month."
"Well contrary to popular belief I am human and do need sustenance and people would question a sudden increase in metabolism."
"We're MAGICAL."Glinda enveloped her hands in light and took hold of Elphaba's head to sway it from side to side to emphasize that.
"I've never been a fan of conjured food. It feels like it takes as much energy as it gives, and don't even get me started on the taste."
Glinda made her best puppy dog eyes. "Elphie, will you at least consider staying for the month? For me?" escaped through her pout.
"You had me at 'why do you have to leave?'" Elphaba did her best Glinda impression, which ended up as more of a high pitched pout. Glinda responded by pulling back and lightly slapping at Elphaba's shoulder. "I knew it would happen, I was just working out the details. But back to my original question, why me?"
"You of all people should know feelings don't always follow logic. I guess either it's that you're beautiful, smart, life-changing, eye-opening, compassionate, hilarious and let's not forget sexy as hell when you shine after bathing-or that my heart decided it was time for something illogical to screw around with Glinda. I'm on the fence right now."
"Wow, your heart's almost as cruel as I am."
"Don't be ridiculous it could never be as cruel as-"
She was interrupted by someone fumbling with the door keys and finally gaining entrance. One of the ama's from that floor entered and fainted upon sight.
"-you…"
Elphaba and Glinda harmonized on all swearwords in the English language, and several Swedish ones.
"Uhm…we could keep her locked in the closet?"
"No, that's where I'm staying during the day. We could…dress her up in one of your pink fluffy dresses so no one would believe she's sane."
"ELPHIE! How can you joke now?"
"Sorry, sarcasm is my coping mechanism. If you'd rather have me curled up in the corner, feel free to stop me."
"We could magically bind her lips together!"
"WAY too obvious. I could hide and we hope that she forgets?"
"What if she doesn't?"
"Improvise?"
"Yeah, that always works out well with me. There's a reason I write my speeches Elphaba."
"Uhm…say you were practicing a spell?"
"Like an illusion spell!"
"But why would you create my image?"
"Because I wuvv you," Glinda replied with a ridiculous kissy face.
Elphaba arched an eyebrow.
"What, you're not the only one who needs to cope with this situation!"
"Hum…well my death day is coming up…"
"Bet no one's ever said that line before."
"You could say you're going to create a reenactment of my melting."
Glinda's eyes widened and she started smiling mischievously before she launched herself into a full on kiss. When she pulled back away she said, "See, smart! Maybe we should prove some of my other points, like sexy as hell…"
"Hopeless flirt," Elphaba dismissed.
"Is it really that hopeless?"
"Uh, Glinda. WE HAVE AN UNCONSCIOUS OLD WOMAN ON THE FLOOR."
"Wow Elphie. Good thing there's a sound barrier on the room. Anyway. Excuses, excuses. I suppose you'll want to go hide in the closet now. Ugh, women!"
"What a pity that you only turn funny when someone's passed out on your floor. No wonder you were so popular at those parties."
"I'll have you know people only passed out at 80% of the parties!"
"A B- in alcoholism."
"Well Boq just faints a lot, it wasn't all alcohol."
"Off topic!"
"Right, right. Go hide in the closet and I'll try to wake her. And THEN we can set to work on proving my theories. And don't say in your dreams, or I'll just reply, 'yes. ALL of them.'" She winked at Elphaba then went into the bathroom to get a wet towel to bring the ama back.
Elphaba walked into the closet smiling and shaking her head and placed herself amongst the multitude of dresses. Glinda's smell was everywhere, and she would have been in heaven was she not acutely aware of what was on the other side of the door.
Glinda placed the towel on the forehead of the ama and started talking to her, telling her to wake up. A few minutes later, she awoke, seeming thoroughly confused.
"Sorry to frighten you. I was just practicing a spell I was thinking of using for the celebration next month." The ama still seemed tense and confused.
"Oh, I suppose that makes sense. I came in to ask you what was wrong. You didn't teach any of the classes today and my charges were getting worried about you."
"Yes, I thought I had caught a cold and I don't like spreading things around to the students. It was probably just the insomnia wreaking havoc on my immune system. I feel much better now than I did last night though."
"...what spell were you casting on the wicked witch?"
"Oh, no, no, no, I was creating an illusion of her." With this statement came a sigh of relief.
"Wait, why was she on the bed with you?"
"I was practicing her interaction with real objects."
"Right. Well if everything's okay then I think I should be off."
"You might want to go to the infirmary to check for concussions."
"Right, I'll do that." She headed out the door and towards the room all the other amas congregated in for gossip, skipping the infirmary completely.
"Bad at improvising my ass," Elphaba said as she emerged from the closet.
"Oh Elphie, how nice of you to come out of the closet. If I'm not mistaken, didn't you do that nearly a year ago through a note?"
"It's a never-ending process. It's so hard to let other girls know you like them. I do believe I would die to tell some."
"Alright, now we're just making terrible puns."
"Puns are a lot like life."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Well first of all Miss Upland I would like to let you know that your swearing is impeding my ability to be a stuck up conservative prude."
Glinda burst out into laughter at Elphaba's "prude" voice.
"Second, puns are like life in that they have multiple meanings, aren't funny, and you have to laugh at them for your own good."
"Look, eye-opening and hilarious." Glinda put on her best scientist face and said, mimicking Elphaba's "prude" voice, "Extrapolating this data dictates that Miss Elphaba Thropp is indeed, ahem, 'sexy as hell.'"
A/N: I may have gone a wee bit wild there with the jokes. But I got fluff, a conflict introduced, and half of my readers cracking up. And I had to end it there, even if I do have a bit more of an idea of where I'm going now. How can you not end with that line?