Beautiful part 2
Title: Beautiful 2/?
Rating: currently PG but i don't know where it will end up
Subject: musicverse immediately following Popular
Disclaimer: I don't own them I just like to play with them
part 1
Galinda couldn’t quite believe herself out traipsing around campus at dawn searching in vain for her lost roommate. It was lucky for her no one else of her social standing would be out and about right now because she had no way of explaining the concern she was feeling, the true worry that had seated itself in her chest when Elphaba had not come back to their room. She couldn’t explain it because she was fairly certain she’d never felt anything like it before. It seemed Elphaba made her feel things that were somehow realer than anything she’d felt before.
The green girl made her feel things, made her think things that she had never needed before. It was most vexing, this desire to contemplate her own identity, to think outside of herself; she wasn’t at all sure she liked it. The problem was now that she had started it seemed impossible to stop. She had been told since she was a small child what a good girl she was and as she had grown she had always been perceived as good but now she had no idea what that meant. Elphaba had so many attributes that seemed better to Galinda than what she had always been told was good. The green girl possessed power, intellect, passion, drive, integrity in ways that Galinda could never hope to. She found herself, for the first time, looking upon another woman with awe and more than a little envy.
That had always been her role to play: the one to be envied and coveted. Now here she was running around in the cold searching for Elphaba, thinking about things that made her decidedly uncomfortable and feeling things she didn’t want to be feeling and still knowing somewhere deep in her heart that if she didn’t keep looking until she found her new friend she would regret it for the rest of her life. Something had happened between the two of them on this night. Whether it was the dancing or the conversation Galinda couldn’t be sure but a connection had been formed and it was, for Galinda at least, the first real connection she’d felt to another person. She wasn’t necessarily ready to talk about it but she knew she couldn’t break it; it was too valuable to be abandoned before she had figured out what it meant.
________________
Elphaba could feel the cold from the stone steps seeping into her bones as she sat but she couldn’t bring herself to move from her hiding place. It was safe in the dark with no one looking at her trying to tell her she was beautiful. One would think that a person who had never heard that word applied to themselves would relish the first time hearing it, one would also be wrong. The more she thought about it the more troubling it became, that little word delivered so innocently from those perfect pink lips. Elphaba felt as though it was a trap that she had somehow sprung and was now fighting to escape.
Believing she was beautiful was inconceivable, impossible, it simply couldn’t be true and yet for some reason Elphaba had felt the words in her heart. There was something about the way they had been spoken, too surprised and soft to be a lie. Besides by now Elphaba could tell when Galinda was lying or using her considerable charm to manipulate, she had even known she probably shouldn’t wear that hat. She knew that it had to be some sort of set up. At first her worst fears had seemed to be true, the laughter at her entrance, the pointing. She had done her best to show that she would not be wounded by their scorn and then suddenly her whole world had shifted with Galinda’s softly murmured “may I cut in.”
For the first time ever Elphaba was not alone in front of the crowd, it wasn’t her against the world. Someone, an entirely improbable someone, was at her side softening the hard looks and pointed words. The green girl knew in one rushing moment what it felt like to have a friend. The rest of the night was a blur of dancing, of actually enjoying herself, of getting to smile as her sister was spun around the dance floor by a sweet Munchkin boy, of racing home giggling with her roommate and then it was all brought to an abrupt halt by more soft words from Galinda. Elphaba pulled her knees in closer to her chest, resting her chin on them hoping that maybe if she curled up tight enough she would just disappear and all the confusion and rushing emotion within her would go away.
From her vantage point she could see the path leading up to the library without being seen herself, the dark shadows offered ample cover. She was becoming increasingly grateful for that as she saw bouncing blond curls and pink ruffles coming into view. It looked as though Galinda was searching for something and becoming more and more frustrated with her lack of success if the tightness around her mouth was any indication. For the life of her Elphaba couldn’t image what Galinda would be out looking for at this hour. The mystery, however, was solved as Galinda came close enough for Elphaba to hear her.
“Damn it Miss Elphie, where have you gone off to,” Galinda was running out of places to look.
Elphaba didn’t quite believe her ears. Galinda was out looking for her? That idea seemed almost laughable, so much so that a chuckle escaped before Elphaba could remember she was supposed to be hiding.
Galinda jumped at the sound, as she hadn’t noticed her friend lurking in the shadows at the top of the stairs. Her relief followed fast on the heels of her surprise as she recognized Elphaba, “Oh Elphie, I’m so glad I found you. I’ve been looking everywhere; though had I been thinking more clearly the library would have been first on my list of places to check.”
Stunned silence was all Elphaba could supply as Galinda made her way up the steps and seated herself next to the green girl. “So what sent you running off like that Elphie? Being popular is certainly nothing to be frightened of, with my help it will be the easiest thing in the world. Though sitting alone on the cold library steps at dawn isn’t exactly the type of behavior I think we should be cultivating.”
“I’m not frightened of being popular.” The words were spoken in a soft but determined tone that brooked little argument.
“Well something set you off like a shot and I am most certain that it wasn’t the company, as I know I am excellent company. It also couldn’t have been my offer to aid your social standing. Oh Elphie,” Galinda turned placing an earnest hand over Elphaba’s where it rested on her knee; “I didn’t hurt your feelings with my assessment of your personality did I. I was merely trying for honest, constructive criticism.”
Elphaba almost laughed, “No it wasn’t your commentary on my significant shortcomings. I have heard those from far harsher critics than you. I don’t fear those words either.”
“Well if you aren’t afraid of my efforts to increase your popularity, and you aren’t afraid of a little healthy critique what are you so afraid of?” Galinda’s eyes searched Elphaba’s face for some clue to the mystery. It was most frustrating to care so much about someone who was such an enigma. Galinda feared that in dealing with someone so complex she was a bit out of her depth. She could see so many emotions flashing in those dark eyes, many more than Galinda had thought Elphaba capable of just a short time ago. She realized as she continued to gaze at her friend that the green girl was hiding such a sensitive soul in all her harshness.
As Galinda continued to search Elphaba’s eyes she was again stuck with how beautiful the green girl was. It only took a moment to see it if you paid attention. She, briefly, had to wonder how many other beautiful things she had missed by rushing past them. Galinda again focused on the beauty in front of her and noticed something else she had missed. Elphaba looked afraid, afraid and scared, despite all her protestations to the contrary. The blond girl wanted to ease the burden her friend seemed to carry but didn’t have a clue as to how and feared she wasn’t at all up to the task.
Elphaba held her tongue as Galinda’s bright eyes bore down on her. There was no way she could explain to someone like Galinda what this felt like. Elphaba was certain Galinda had been told she was beautiful from the very moment of her birth. How does one explain the power of a word to someone who is the very definition of it; Elphaba had no idea. Elphaba was decidedly frustrated at the emotions swirling within her. She hated being unsure. She needed put these feelings safely away and set her world right again.
“I don’t think even I have the verbal capacity to make someone like you understand,” the words were tart and sharp as they left Elphaba’s lips, she didn’t like the cruel quality of her voice as she aimed her phrases at Galinda but it was the only sure defense she had and they struck their target.
Galinda pulled her hand back from where it had been resting over Elphaba’s as if she had been burned, the harsh words from her friend’s lips stung more than Galinda would have believed. She was shocked to feel the sting of tears in the corners of her eyes. “Contrary to popular opinion I am not an idiot Miss Elphaba.” With that the blond quickly turned her back on the other girl as much to hide the wetness in her eyes as anything else.
Elphaba felt suddenly quite terrible. Dealing with feelings, her own or someone else’s, had never been her forte; she felt very much out of her depth. In the green girl’s experience emotions were exceedingly messy and complicated and best left from the equation. Her own were easy enough to avoid by simply convincing the world the only ones she was capable of were anger and righteous indignation. Once the world believed that to be true it was a relatively short distance to convincing herself as well. But now she was feeling things that had nothing to do with anger and she had no idea what to do with the delicate, fragile things these emotions seemed to be.
“Galinda, I … I’m sorry,” Elphaba couldn’t quite believe the words had come out of her mouth. The only people she had ever apologized to in her life were her father and her sister and that was more from obligation than any real feeling of sorrow or guilt. This was uncharted territory for Elphaba. She actually meant the words she spoke. She didn’t want to hurt Galinda’s feelings; she didn’t want Galinda to hurt at all.