Fic: Eternities Come and Go (Army Wives)
Title: Eternities Come and Go
Fandom: Army Wives
Rating: K+
Genres: gen, het
Recipient: mackenziesmomma
Prompt: Army Wives, Denise Sherwood and Tanya Gabriel, Annett Louisan - Das Gefühl
Summary: Tanya has news for Denise.
A/N: Holiday Fic Request Meme. I have never written Denise before or Tanya, respectively and I'm a bit behind on Army Wives so I hope this still fits within canon. (and I actually forgot Blake's last name and had to google it while writing *rolls eyes at self)
Eternities Come and Go
„Ewigkeiten kommen und gehen
Hab sie mehr als einmal anprobiert
Hier zu eng, da zu streng
Irgendwo kneift es mich
Zu skurril, nicht mein Stil
Das Gefühl steht mir nicht
Ich schau mich nur um
Schau mich nur mal um.“
Annett Louisan, „Das Gefühl“
Hey Denise
First of all: I’m sorry for not contacting you for so long. Getting settled at college and in a household with Blake’s been eating my brain (it still is, actually… not sure how much brain I have left by now). There wasn’t barely time to breathe, let alone call or even write. I hope you understand and aren’t too mad with me.
No, she isn’t. She knows all of that very well and she’s actually glad for Tanya that she doesn’t have to juggle college, a boyfriend and a kid. Still… she did miss not being able to talk to her on a daily business.
It’s getting better now, despite everything. College’s kicking my ass but at least everything I learned at Mercer is carrying me through. Blake being a doctor helps, too. Oh, alright, it helps sometimes. Most of the time, he’s being a pain in the ass and telling me to think about applying for med school after I’m done with college. But you were right, nursing suits me so much better.
Well, at least her advice was worth something, she thinks and then chides herself almost in the same instead. Tanya’s young and needs to make her own choices. And she has a mother and siblings and friends that have just as much right to offer advice as she has. But it does feel good to have convinced someone to follow the path that’s right for her.
There’s some other news, too which are the main reason why I’m writing. And, okay, also why I might have put off writing for a little. This is going to sound ridiculous but I really wasn’t sure - still ain’t, actually - how you and Frank will react to what I’m going to tell you know. I’m almost dreading your answer but I really want to and feel that I have to tell you this.
Uh-huh. There are about a million reasons that could be the cause for Tanya being afraid to tell her, them… and she can’t think of one. Had she ever given Tanya the feeling that there was something she couldn’t tell her, something she wouldn’t like to hear? No. Definitely not.
Anyway, Blake says I’m not getting out of it anyway and it wouldn’t be fair not to tell you guys so… Blake and I decided to get married.
What?
Are you mad now?
No. Not… really. Just… shocked.
Because if you are, I would understand. I would see that you might think it unfair and unfaithful to Jeremy because that’s how it feels to me when I let myself think about it.
Oh Tanya, she thinks. She does not think that getting married to Dr. Hanson is in any way unfaithful or unfair to Jeremy. It’s not dishonoring Jeremy’s memory and she would never think that of Tanya. She’s not shocked because she thinks Tanya is acting disrespectful or dishonorable. Just that Tanya would get married less than a year after meeting Dr. Hanson the first time.
I haven’t told Blake any of this yet and I’m most likely not going to. I’m not sure if he would understand, even with having lost someone he loved himself. Or… no, that’s wrong. I think he would understand and that’s even worse than not understanding.
That just sounded really weird and I understand only half of it myself but the thing is I just don’t want Blake to feel as if he’s second rate to Jeremy or second best or just someone I decided to settle for because I didn’t want to be alone or anything like that. I really do love him and I want to share the rest of my life with him but I’m not sure if he would believe me that if I told him that there’s a feeling of betrayal when I think of Jeremy. This is really, really messed up.
It sounds like it. It… isn’t really easy for her, either. She’s happy for Tanya, yes, but there’s the tiny pang of pain and guilt because this was what was supposed to be for Jeremy and Tanya, not Tanya and someone else. There’s also a pang of anxiety, wondering if this means she’ll lose the closeness to Tanya that developed because the young soldier was the last bond she had with her, and someone else besides Frank who shared the pain of losing Jeremy. Someone she could comfort and guide.
And now that Tanya will have her own family, her own husband, her own kids… other people to share bonds with, bonds a lot stronger than between her and the mother of her deceased fiancé… what’s going to happen? Will she lose Tanya as well now?
I can almost hear you saying that I need to talk to him because this isn’t something that will go away be itself. Don’t deny it, that’s exactly the thing you just thought, regardless of how you might feel about me getting married to someone not being Jeremy.
Well. Good point, actually. Besides being afraid of losing Tanya as a confident and as someone to take care of, she actually did think Tanya needs to talk to her fiancé about it. Scary how well she knows her.
And you’re probably right. I just don’t know how to break this to him and how to talk to him about this. As long as I knew you, I always thought you were so much better than I at this. I… there’s no other way to phrase it, as much as I want to find one, so… help me, Denise.
I want this marriage and I want Blake but I just don’t know what to do about all my feelings about Jeremy and feeling guilty about getting married and… just the entire mess. There’s no one who understands me better than you in this and I really don’t know where else to turn to. What do you think?
Hugs,
Tanya
That was… almost heart breaking. And Tanya is probably right. She does understand her and her issues regarding marrying someone not Jeremy. In fact, she wishes Tanya were right now so she could hug her and tell her everything would be alright. Tell her that she’s so happy for her having found someone she wants to spend her life with after putting her life on hold for so long after Jeremy’s death.
Tanya’s not here, though and she’s asking for advice. She briefly thinks about calling her but something in her tells her that this would be best put in writing so she clicks on the reply button and poises her fingers for typing a reply…
“What are you doing, Dee?”
She blinks and turns around. Funny. She didn’t even hear Frank enter the living room with a sleeping Molly in his arms. For a moment, she considers not telling Frank about Tanya’s news, not sure how he would react but then again, they don’t actually have a good history with not telling each other things, so she smiles at him and says, “Replying to Tanya’s e-mail.”
He frowns. “She wrote?”
Nodding, she squeezes Molly’s wonderful little foot affectionately and says, “Yes, just a moment ago. She says she’s very busy with school.” And she could leave it at that. Make it her and Tanya’s secret. Not trouble Frank with it. She could.
But she just can’t. “Frank?” He looks up from nuzzling Molly’s whisps of hair and frowns again. “She says she and Dr. Hanson are going to get married.”
He doesn’t answer, at least not right away. He takes his time and she can see that he’s thinking about it and hard. She knows he’s not really a big fan of Dr. Hanson for starting an affair with an enlisted soldier and she thinks that if he actually were Tanya’s father, he’d have wanted Dr. Hanson to come to him to ask for Tanya’s hand. He certainly did so when they got engaged.
In the end, he nods and says, with a kind of thoughtfulness, “Glad about that. About time he came up to scratch and asked her.”
That makes her grin and resolve to ask Tanya who asked and try to wheedle every little bit out of her. “What makes you so sure he asked?”
At that, he rolls his eyes. “Tell her that I’m… that we are happy for her. She deserves it.” It makes her smile, the tone in which he said it. Because it told her that he really is, despite whatever he thinks about Dr. Hanson.
He bends down to give her a kiss on the lips and then takes Molly back to the nursery, probably to give her a moment to compose her reply before he wants to add something. She takes a moment to think, forehead creased with concentration. Then she has something to go on.
Dear Tanya,
Thank you for writing and don’t worry about not doing so regularly. College takes its toll on all of us and I’d rather see you studying hard than anything else. As for your news… Frank and I are very, very happy for you and Dr. Hanson (even Frank, though I’m not sure if he’ll ever get over his dislike for him). You deserve to be happy and even though I wasn’t actually enthusiastic about you and Dr. Hanson in the beginning, I have a feeling that he does make you happy.
Concerning your feelings of guilt for Jeremy… you were right. I do understand what is going on in your mind. And I think you really need to talk to Blake about it. As for the rest… well…
~*~
“Eternities come and go
Tried them on more than once
Here too tight, there too strict
Somewhere it’s pinching me
Too odd, not my style
The sentiment doesn’t suit me
I’m just looking around
Just looking around.”
Annett Louisan, “The Sentiment”
Fandom: Army Wives
Rating: K+
Genres: gen, het
Recipient: mackenziesmomma
Prompt: Army Wives, Denise Sherwood and Tanya Gabriel, Annett Louisan - Das Gefühl
Summary: Tanya has news for Denise.
A/N: Holiday Fic Request Meme. I have never written Denise before or Tanya, respectively and I'm a bit behind on Army Wives so I hope this still fits within canon. (and I actually forgot Blake's last name and had to google it while writing *rolls eyes at self)
Eternities Come and Go
„Ewigkeiten kommen und gehen
Hab sie mehr als einmal anprobiert
Hier zu eng, da zu streng
Irgendwo kneift es mich
Zu skurril, nicht mein Stil
Das Gefühl steht mir nicht
Ich schau mich nur um
Schau mich nur mal um.“
Annett Louisan, „Das Gefühl“
Hey Denise
First of all: I’m sorry for not contacting you for so long. Getting settled at college and in a household with Blake’s been eating my brain (it still is, actually… not sure how much brain I have left by now). There wasn’t barely time to breathe, let alone call or even write. I hope you understand and aren’t too mad with me.
No, she isn’t. She knows all of that very well and she’s actually glad for Tanya that she doesn’t have to juggle college, a boyfriend and a kid. Still… she did miss not being able to talk to her on a daily business.
It’s getting better now, despite everything. College’s kicking my ass but at least everything I learned at Mercer is carrying me through. Blake being a doctor helps, too. Oh, alright, it helps sometimes. Most of the time, he’s being a pain in the ass and telling me to think about applying for med school after I’m done with college. But you were right, nursing suits me so much better.
Well, at least her advice was worth something, she thinks and then chides herself almost in the same instead. Tanya’s young and needs to make her own choices. And she has a mother and siblings and friends that have just as much right to offer advice as she has. But it does feel good to have convinced someone to follow the path that’s right for her.
There’s some other news, too which are the main reason why I’m writing. And, okay, also why I might have put off writing for a little. This is going to sound ridiculous but I really wasn’t sure - still ain’t, actually - how you and Frank will react to what I’m going to tell you know. I’m almost dreading your answer but I really want to and feel that I have to tell you this.
Uh-huh. There are about a million reasons that could be the cause for Tanya being afraid to tell her, them… and she can’t think of one. Had she ever given Tanya the feeling that there was something she couldn’t tell her, something she wouldn’t like to hear? No. Definitely not.
Anyway, Blake says I’m not getting out of it anyway and it wouldn’t be fair not to tell you guys so… Blake and I decided to get married.
What?
Are you mad now?
No. Not… really. Just… shocked.
Because if you are, I would understand. I would see that you might think it unfair and unfaithful to Jeremy because that’s how it feels to me when I let myself think about it.
Oh Tanya, she thinks. She does not think that getting married to Dr. Hanson is in any way unfaithful or unfair to Jeremy. It’s not dishonoring Jeremy’s memory and she would never think that of Tanya. She’s not shocked because she thinks Tanya is acting disrespectful or dishonorable. Just that Tanya would get married less than a year after meeting Dr. Hanson the first time.
I haven’t told Blake any of this yet and I’m most likely not going to. I’m not sure if he would understand, even with having lost someone he loved himself. Or… no, that’s wrong. I think he would understand and that’s even worse than not understanding.
That just sounded really weird and I understand only half of it myself but the thing is I just don’t want Blake to feel as if he’s second rate to Jeremy or second best or just someone I decided to settle for because I didn’t want to be alone or anything like that. I really do love him and I want to share the rest of my life with him but I’m not sure if he would believe me that if I told him that there’s a feeling of betrayal when I think of Jeremy. This is really, really messed up.
It sounds like it. It… isn’t really easy for her, either. She’s happy for Tanya, yes, but there’s the tiny pang of pain and guilt because this was what was supposed to be for Jeremy and Tanya, not Tanya and someone else. There’s also a pang of anxiety, wondering if this means she’ll lose the closeness to Tanya that developed because the young soldier was the last bond she had with her, and someone else besides Frank who shared the pain of losing Jeremy. Someone she could comfort and guide.
And now that Tanya will have her own family, her own husband, her own kids… other people to share bonds with, bonds a lot stronger than between her and the mother of her deceased fiancé… what’s going to happen? Will she lose Tanya as well now?
I can almost hear you saying that I need to talk to him because this isn’t something that will go away be itself. Don’t deny it, that’s exactly the thing you just thought, regardless of how you might feel about me getting married to someone not being Jeremy.
Well. Good point, actually. Besides being afraid of losing Tanya as a confident and as someone to take care of, she actually did think Tanya needs to talk to her fiancé about it. Scary how well she knows her.
And you’re probably right. I just don’t know how to break this to him and how to talk to him about this. As long as I knew you, I always thought you were so much better than I at this. I… there’s no other way to phrase it, as much as I want to find one, so… help me, Denise.
I want this marriage and I want Blake but I just don’t know what to do about all my feelings about Jeremy and feeling guilty about getting married and… just the entire mess. There’s no one who understands me better than you in this and I really don’t know where else to turn to. What do you think?
Hugs,
Tanya
That was… almost heart breaking. And Tanya is probably right. She does understand her and her issues regarding marrying someone not Jeremy. In fact, she wishes Tanya were right now so she could hug her and tell her everything would be alright. Tell her that she’s so happy for her having found someone she wants to spend her life with after putting her life on hold for so long after Jeremy’s death.
Tanya’s not here, though and she’s asking for advice. She briefly thinks about calling her but something in her tells her that this would be best put in writing so she clicks on the reply button and poises her fingers for typing a reply…
“What are you doing, Dee?”
She blinks and turns around. Funny. She didn’t even hear Frank enter the living room with a sleeping Molly in his arms. For a moment, she considers not telling Frank about Tanya’s news, not sure how he would react but then again, they don’t actually have a good history with not telling each other things, so she smiles at him and says, “Replying to Tanya’s e-mail.”
He frowns. “She wrote?”
Nodding, she squeezes Molly’s wonderful little foot affectionately and says, “Yes, just a moment ago. She says she’s very busy with school.” And she could leave it at that. Make it her and Tanya’s secret. Not trouble Frank with it. She could.
But she just can’t. “Frank?” He looks up from nuzzling Molly’s whisps of hair and frowns again. “She says she and Dr. Hanson are going to get married.”
He doesn’t answer, at least not right away. He takes his time and she can see that he’s thinking about it and hard. She knows he’s not really a big fan of Dr. Hanson for starting an affair with an enlisted soldier and she thinks that if he actually were Tanya’s father, he’d have wanted Dr. Hanson to come to him to ask for Tanya’s hand. He certainly did so when they got engaged.
In the end, he nods and says, with a kind of thoughtfulness, “Glad about that. About time he came up to scratch and asked her.”
That makes her grin and resolve to ask Tanya who asked and try to wheedle every little bit out of her. “What makes you so sure he asked?”
At that, he rolls his eyes. “Tell her that I’m… that we are happy for her. She deserves it.” It makes her smile, the tone in which he said it. Because it told her that he really is, despite whatever he thinks about Dr. Hanson.
He bends down to give her a kiss on the lips and then takes Molly back to the nursery, probably to give her a moment to compose her reply before he wants to add something. She takes a moment to think, forehead creased with concentration. Then she has something to go on.
Dear Tanya,
Thank you for writing and don’t worry about not doing so regularly. College takes its toll on all of us and I’d rather see you studying hard than anything else. As for your news… Frank and I are very, very happy for you and Dr. Hanson (even Frank, though I’m not sure if he’ll ever get over his dislike for him). You deserve to be happy and even though I wasn’t actually enthusiastic about you and Dr. Hanson in the beginning, I have a feeling that he does make you happy.
Concerning your feelings of guilt for Jeremy… you were right. I do understand what is going on in your mind. And I think you really need to talk to Blake about it. As for the rest… well…
~*~
“Eternities come and go
Tried them on more than once
Here too tight, there too strict
Somewhere it’s pinching me
Too odd, not my style
The sentiment doesn’t suit me
I’m just looking around
Just looking around.”
Annett Louisan, “The Sentiment”