FanFic100: #054 Air
“Do we really have to take him?” He looks at the redheaded female Marine - well, the one that wasn’t on his team, that is - and simply raises his eyebrow. “Seriously, Maureen… he’s Army.” Just this close to rolling his eyes now.
And then a mumbled “Gee, sorry I’m only KSK, not SEK M,” escapes him.
Unfortunately, Cadman seems to have heard that since she turns to him now and gives him the look… the one he once heard Major Lorne describe as “Makes me feel like a third grader-look” and he can start to see why Lorne would say that… additionally he has a hard time not succumbing to the feeling that he’s just a nuisance she’s about to get rid of. “What?”
Helpful as ever, Maureen hastens to explain something - probably the differences between KSK and SEK M - but he’s really not in the mood for lengthy discussions or splitting hairs about services and MOS and all that. So he just mutters a non-committal, “Uh… never mind.”
It seems enough for Cadman to get back to basically ignoring him and gathering the team together. While she ticks the team members - aside from her there are Maureen Reece, Dusty Mehra, Robert McPherson, Will Meyers, Lieutenant Edison and four of those Marines he can never remember the names of although he really tries to - off on a list on her clipboard, he wonders exactly why he let himself be convinced to be part of this by Maureen.
“Come on, it’ll be fun,” she’d said. ”You’ll be fine,” she’d said. “It’ll be totally harmless,” she’d said. But they’d also said that about Afghanistan - yes, the fun bit as well - and Afghanistan was not what he would have called harmless. Or fine. Or fun.
Really, playing football with a bunch of American jarheads against a bunch of American flyboys is closer to Afghanistan than to fun. Well, in his book, at least. He’d been abysmal at soccer at home and his first reaction to Maureen’s request to fill in for Lieutenant Prewitt at football had been something along the lines of “Nur über meine Leiche.” But yeah, no one can withstand Maureen Reece for long if she really wants something.
“Alright, folks.” Oh, Cadman is done with checking if everyone is here. “I know we aren’t a full football team but the Zoomies aren’t a full team either. Also… they’re a crappy team, as Sergeant McPherson here found out by some careful… scouting.” Read: spying. He’s pretty sure that’s what Cadman meant because that’s basically what Dee had tried to do on him. At least he’d been able to keep it to himself that he’s Prewitt’s substitute. “Anyway, you all know your positions and what you’re expected to do. Right, people?”
Everyone nods in accordance, even he who still has no idea what “Full Back/Running Back” or “Outside Linebacker” mean even though they have tried to drill it into him during seemingly countless training sessions that just looked like big bar brawls to him every damn time… but he’d silently thanked his handball coach at SV Victoria Hamburg on his knees for teaching him to hold his own when things got tough on the field.
Unfortunately, Cadman decided against ignoring him this time and throws a look with raised eyebrows, “Really, Morsberg? You, too?”
Not willing to let her see how much football still confuses him, he does what he always does when finding himself in a tight place: Resort to being the court jester. He throws her a very enthusiastic, “Yes, oh Captain, my Captain!”
Behind Cadman, Maureen only rolls her eyes but Sergeant Meyers and Lieutenant Edison look like they are having difficulties hiding that they found it pretty funny. Cadman, however, keeps her cool and replies quite unfazed, “Wow, a Kraut soldier that knows American poetry.”
Well… “Um, not exactly… but I’ve seen Dead Poets’ Society. At least twice.” Meyers and Edison now snicker openly and one of the Four Nameless - he has secretly dubbed him “Baby Marine” because he just looks so excruciatingly young - has the gall to snort loud enough for Cadman to hear it and turn around to shoot him one of these looks that would even make Major Moore shut up.
Then she’s back at trying to intimidate him, this time with a short “Right,” and then it’s obviously pep talk time again. “So, you know where you stand, you know what to do, you know the enemy’s just second-rate at best. Let’s get out there and get ‘em. Oorah!” They all answer her like one man, even he who still kinda misses hearing his home regiment’s battle cry of “Keine Schmerzen!” even after more than five years in Atlantis.
Eager to kick some Zoomie butts, the Marines leave the jumper and he trails behind, trying to convince himself he’s not still trying to find excuses for getting out of this scheme because dammit, he’s not only a doctor, he’s also Army, jump-qualified and bested some of the Bundeswehr’s best paratrooper officers and sergeants on a regular scale, just to shut them up about stupid medic jokes. He’ll survive one damn stupid game of football.
Or maybe… not. This can’t be true. The moment the Marines see their opponent team, there’s a collective groan. On the opposite end of the improvised field there’s the Air Force team. And it does not consist of a row of young Air Force Lieutenants who are still wet behind the ears, as McPherson had told them. Instead, there is… John Sheppard, Evan Lorne, Sam Carter - wait, isn't she supposed to be on the General Hammond, overseeing the restocking of Atlantis? - his own boss Thomas Moore, Anne Teldy, Matthew Kemp, Dee, Joe Simmons, only two baby Lieutenants and… Ronon Dex; all of them grinning, Sheppard, Lorne and Moore the brightest.
It takes the baffled Marines a moment to gather their wits and then Cadman dead-pans, “Alright, so… they have Conan the Barbarian and we have… Colonel Klink. Yay.”
What the… stunned he looks at her for a moment but manages to get back his cool soon enough. “I heard that, Cadman. But thanks for the promotion.”
Before she can say anything to that, though, it’s Maureen’s turn to comment on the current situation… quite forcefully, actually. “What the hell! Laura, don’t tell me you didn’t know about this.” Yeah, well, she’s got a point with that. After all, Cadman’s boyfriend is standing there on the other side, obviously pleased about the little… surprise.
Their fearless team leader, though, just says, “No, I didn’t. If I had, I sure as hell wouldn’t have waited to tell you until now.”
That, however, doesn’t quite satisfy Maureen. “Laura! Seriously, how could you not know about this? You’re sleeping with one of them, for Heaven’s sake!” Na ja, wo sie recht hat…
“Far as I know, you’re sleeping with one of them, also.” Okay, that’s a point for Cadman, as Maureen’s contrite face tells him.
Still, she wants to reply something… and is cut short by Mehra throwing in, “Okay, so, now that we know who of us is sleeping with a Zoomie… could we please get back to the important things?” Ouch. Mehra is not exactly a docile person but that is really walking a very fine line. When everyone looks at her astounded, she just shrugs her shoulders and adds, “What? My boss is on their team and I didn’t know either. But am I bitching about this?” She throws a look into the round, every inch as intimidating as Cadman. “Yeah, right. So how do we get those cheating…”
“Right, Dusty, I get what you’re saying.” How nice of Cadman to save Mehra from herself by interrupting her before she can insult any of her superiors… and most of those Zoomies on the other side are her superiors. “Okay, guys, we’ll stick with our plan. Zoomies are Zoomies… are Zoomies.” As if that’s really all that needs to be said - which it probably is, since he’s very well versed in everything regarding grunts vs. flyboys because it’s like this all over the world - she squares her shoulders and takes a few steps in the direction of the advancing Air Force team. The look on her face… if he was in Major Lorne’s shoes, he’d consider bunking with Major Moore tonight, because he will probably have to sleep on the couch also after this game.
Determinedly, Cadman motions for them to enter the makeshift field and to take their positions. Just as they taught him he comes to stand behind Sergeant Meyers whom they had appointed as Quarterback as long as they were offense. Luckily enough, that makes it possible for him to be close enough to Cadman - they called her position “Center” - and Lorne who’s apparently her counterpart to hear Cadman say, “You’re dead, Evan. D E A D.” Okay… suddenly he’s glad he’s on her team.
Lorne, however, displays an astounding amount of courage and daring when he replies, grinning almost evilly, “We’ll see about that, Laura. Now, can we get down to business?” Since they don’t have a referee - apparently, really no one in Atlantis had the guts to get between the fronts in this game - they had to rely on someone from the teams to conduct the coin toss and Dee was the unfortunate soul to draw the shortest straw. Stoic as ever, he steps up, Cadman and Lorne make their choices, he tosses the coin in the air… and then there’s the point of no return and all he can do is play his part of the game as well as possible.
Which isn't exactly easy because of several reasons… they’re playing on sand, they’re playing a game he’s had exactly two weeks to get accustomed with… and they’re playing against the elite of the Atlantis USAF contingent. Well, plus Conan the Barbarian, that is. It’s around the third brawl he somehow becomes part of that he decides that football is really closer to Afghanistan than to fun because verdammt, they really take no prisoners in this.
It doesn’t help much that at three minutes to the end of the game, the Zoomies are in the lead by five points because they managed to score - and he’s kinda proud that he actually managed to get this right without anyone having to explain it to him - two touchdowns and a field goal while the jarhead team only got one touchdown and a field goal.
He’d been determined not to give anything on this and simply concentrate on surviving the game without any major injuries but… if this had been a game of Heer versus Luftwaffe back home - or Sanitätsdienst versus just anyone, even Musikdienst - he’d be pissed about trailing behind the flyboys and his ambition would be tickled… just as it is now. There’s no way a grunt, no matter the nationality, will ever defer to one of the boys and girls in blue.
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So it’s no surprise that this time, there’s nothing left of his reluctance and his biting outsider’s perspective sarcasm when Cadman orders her team for one last time out. They huddle together and she… explains something he doesn’t understand but what he does understand is, “Morsberg, I want you downfield, as close as possible to their end zone. Think you can do that?”
Well… um… “Sure.” If there’s one thing you learn as a doctor with a blue beret sporting the telltale Aesculapian staff among hard-nosed Special Forces soldiers with their Bordeaux berets sporting the stylized sword, it’s to appear absolutely confident even though you’re scared to death.
“Good.” Yep… works every time. “All you have to do is stay there and have an eye on Sergeant Meyers here. If he tosses you the ball, you just catch it, run into the end zone, ditch the ball and become an immortal hero. Piece of cake.”
He raises her eyebrow and is tempted to say, “I’m a doctor, Jim, not a football legend,” but in the end he decides to keep it at mumbling, “Klar, wird ein Spaziergang.” That gets him a few strange looks and he hurries to add, “Never mind. So how are we gonna get the ball?”
Cadman smirks… and it’s looking just a bit scary. “Don’t worry; I’ll take care of that. Sheppard and Teldy aren’t the only ones who’ve got dirty tricks up their sleeves.” Yeah, he can imagine that, having seen how Cadman and various other members of the team - including Maureen, which did shock him a little - had managed to outmaneuver the Zoomies time and again. Not that it had gotten them points but… oh well. Time do his bit.
Again there’s the ritual of facing the other team, someone gives the signal and… did Cadman just lunge at Major Lorne and kiss him? What the… “Run, you Teutonic oaf!” Oh right. Running as if he’s chased by the devil he makes for the end zone, always keeping an eye on Meyers, managing to jostle Major Moore hard enough that he actually downs him, getting past Simmons…
The ball… wo ist dieser Scheißball, verdammt? He blinks, tries to reorient himself… and suddenly sees the damn thing flying towards him. Colonel Carter tries to intercept it but his handball instincts kick in and he manages to get to it before she can catch it and dodge every attempt at tackling him. In one big leap, he brings it into the end zone and before he can even move to see where the rest of his team is, said rest is suddenly practically burying him in wild cheers and whoops.
For a few moments, he can only hope that his team isn't set on suffocating him but then they let him get up and there are backslaps from Cadman, Mehra and Meyers and one or two jokes about “Furor Teutonicus” from Maureen… and even an appreciative little grin from McPherson and he isn't sure if he should actually tell anyone at home about this because to some - namely his old man and his former CO back in Calw - it would probably be even more unbelievable than the fact that Atlantis exists.
“Know what, Morsberg?” He looks at Cadman who’s still grinning from ear to ear. “You just became a football legend.” Mh. Matthias Morsberg, savior of the jarhead honor… yeah, he likes that. Exceedingly, even.
“Yeah, and as such, it’s your duty to throw a round for all the participants,” Sheppard interrupts the victory party and smirks at him. He’s about to answer when he sees his boss approach, looking not exactly happy.
And here goes Major Moore, sore lose… “Just so you know, Moose, next time you’re gonna play on my team.” Uh-huh, yeah right. He wants to give back something that’s bound to get him into trouble - again - but he suddenly realizes that it was Moore’s way of paying his respect to him. It stuns him enough to be speechless for a short moment… which the jarheads use to tell Moore and the rest of the Air Force team what exactly they think about shameless attempts at poaching and as it turns into a bantering and laughing together he actually starts to rethink his original assessment. Maybe football isn't that bad after all… or at least certainly better than Afghanistan.
~*~
“Nur über meine Leiche.” - “Over my dead body.”
“Keine Schmerzen!” - “No pain!” (can you imagine how hard it was finding a German medic battle cry that didn’t sound totally ridiculous?)
Na ja, wo sie recht hat… (the actual phrase is „Wo sie recht hat, hat sie recht.“) - Well, where she’s right…
Verdammt - dammit, fuck, crap… hey, how come you have so many words for it and we have only one?
Heer - Bundeswehr Army
Luftwaffe - Bundeswehr Air Force
Musikdienst - the correct term would be “Zentraler Musikdienst”, Joint Music Service which basically is the same as the Medical Service, only that it entails all musical units such as the branches’ bands which are called Musikkorps (Heeresmusikkorps, Luftwaffenmusikkorps, Marinemusikkorps), the Bundeswehr Big Band and several other orchester units - since the soldiers serving there are supposed to be medics in case Germany would be attacked, they are usually regarded as even less “real” soldiers than the medics (or “Sanis” in German)
“Klar, wird ein Spaziergang.” - “Sure, it’s gonna be a walk in the park.”
Wo ist dieser Scheißball, verdammt? - Where’s the fucking ball, dammit?