FanFic100: #070 Storm
“Okay, girls, where were we?” She throws a look into the round and the participants of this month’s girls’ poker night take up their cards again. They are Miko Kusanagi, Sergeant Dusty Mehra, Dr. Sophie Grassberger, Dr. Anita Fernandez - and Yvonne Montfenac-Beiersdorf.
All of them are girls’ poker night veterans and some of them are real tough cookies. Miko, for example proved to be an ace at poker because all of them - even Sophie who is an anthropologist - has difficulties reading her body language and Anita is a mathematician who is extremely good with calculating chances and probabilities. Dusty has almost as good a poker face as Miko, and Yvonne is a kick-ass observer. All of them are a pretty good challenge to her, even with her years of poker experience - and experience as a female Marine among hordes of male Marines, where a good poker face makes up at least half of what you need to survive among them for as long as she has.
So… what to do now with her cards… Damn, who the hell chose to disturb her now? The looks on the faces of the other participants say about the same and so they chose to ignore the ringing at her quarters’ door and have another look into their cards… which doesn’t discourage the offender since it rings a second time. And a third time. She looks at the girls again and it’s Sophie who says in her curious Austrian-accented English, “I suggest you tell whoever that is to… how do you say it? Beat it,” while there’s a fourth ringing.
Sighing a little annoyed she folds her cards and gets up - there’s no way she’ll leave them on the table, with that lot of girls - to open her door. Ready to growl at whoever is out there… only to feel her brain go blank the minute the door has revealed the unfortunate soul to disturb an Atlantis girls’ poker night.
Major Evan Lorne. In boxer shorts. Nothing but boxer shorts, to be precise. Oh well, boxer shorts and a bandaged arm, that is. But otherwise… in all his unclothed glory. Not that she hasn’t seen it before - after all there are such things as days off on the mainland - but not this closely before her. And damn, does he really have to be such a good example of a well-trained Zoomie SF soldier?
Or - and that’s probably the better question - what the hell is he actually doing here, in the middle of the night, half-naked, in front of her quarters? She swallows and reminds herself that this is her CO and it also isn't the strangest thing she has ever seen during her time with the SGC and Atlantis - not even the strangest thing she has ever seen in her time as a Marine - so there’s no reason to be tongue-tied and stare at Major Lorne like a deer in headlights.
“Sir… can I help you?” He doesn’t say anything at first, just looks at her, almost as bewildered as she must look to him. Behind her she can also hear the scraping of chairs being moved around. Not daring to let Major Lorne out of sight - purely out of caution, of course - she doesn’t turn around. And she knows what’s happening behind her, anyway: The girls got curious and are now very much interested in what’s happening at the door. She clears her throat. “Uh… sir? You with me?”
He blinks again and only then seems to register who’s standing in front of him. Looking around him very cautiously, as if to ascertain himself that no one followed him. “I need your help, Cadman.”
She can barely resist rolling her eyes and telling him that she can see that and instead manages to keep her face straight when she replies, “Hope you don’t mind me asking, sir but… help with what exactly?”
There’s a snort coming from behind her, sounding like Sophie has a hard time not to be enjoying this too loudly. It’s followed by a muffled giggle that sounds like Anita and a delicate little squeaking sound that sure as hell came from Miko. Oh Lord, Major Lorne will never live this one down. “With the Wraith of course.”
Another snort, this time from Dusty and she’s just this close to losing her decorum as well. But thank God right now she’s still too confused to have the leisure of being able to laugh about this. “Of course. The Wraith. I… see what you mean.” No, she doesn’t but Major Lorne doesn’t look like he’d accept no as an answer. If she only knew where his behavior is coming from… and of course her radio is on her night stand at the far end of the room. Otherwise she’d probably have called security right away. After all, he could be possessed by some alien entity or be remote controlled by some of their many enemies or not be Major Lorne after all…
She feels someone tapping her on the shoulder and turns around, trying to divide her attention between Major Lorne and Yvonne. “Painkillers,” is the only thing the nurse says and slowly it starts dawning on her what could be the problem here. But just to ascertain herself, she only raises her eyebrows to indicate Yvonne to be just a little more elaborate.
Yvonne rolls her eyes and adds in a hushed voice, “He came back from his last mission injured, Dr. Keller treated the wound and gave him some painkillers and then sent him to his quarters to sleep it off. And did I mention Major Lorne has a history with sleep walking?”
“No, you didn’t,” she growls back but all Yvonne does is give her a big amused grin. Yeah, great. But at least now she knows what’s going on here. Turning back to Major Lorne, she resists a sigh and says, “Sir… with all due respect but… I think it might be a good idea if you went back to your quarters.”
That gets her the narrowed CO-eyes and an irritated, “I don’t think so, Captain. The Wraith are loose in this city and I expect you to do your duty and help me defeat them.” Argh. But yeah, that was to be expected. And is it really asked too much that one of the girls simply calls the infirmary to… no, maybe that’s a bad idea. If word of this gets to the infirmary, it’ll be all over the city in about ten minutes and she likes Major Lorne enough to want him to spare this embarrassment.
But how to get out of this with as less fuss as possible? “I… understand that, sir. And uh… I will. But first… we… oh, first we need you to get back to your quarters.” Come on, she thinks, swallow it… and ignore the increasing number of giggles and snorts coming from the room behind her.
“Certainly not. I have everything I need with me. And I don’t think you’d like to be reported for insubordination, Captain.” Well, he’s got a point there with the insubordination… or he would have if he were in his right mind and they were really overrun by Wraith. Which they are not.
“Sir, really…” He huffs. Someone is starting to get really annoyed with her, it seems. Well, she thinks, the feeling is certainly mutual.
“Dammit, Cadman, what will it take you to do your goddamn duty? You want me to do a striptease on the table and paint myself blue or what?” Good… God. Her only response is her mouth opening in surprise and horrification… and from behind her the occasional chuckles have turned into a storm of laughter and giggling, laced with wolf whistles and one foreign remark from Sophie that sounds very much like the Austrian version of a cat call.
And before she can say anything, Dusty chimes in, “Thanks for the offer, sir, but that surely won’t be necessary. And it wouldn’t be much of a striptease anyway.” Another gust of laughter and giggles from behind her.
Okay, that is it. She will end this right now. Determined she turns around, only to see her poker girls leaning on each other and wiping their eyes… and still keep on laughing. “Hey, shut it!” It takes them a minute or two but then they have calmed down enough to be actually listening to her. “This is so not funny. We gotta get Major Lorne back to his quarters ASAP. Do I see any volunteers?”
She expects them to fall over themselves volunteering. After all, you don’t get this close to a half-naked Major Lorne every day… but all that happens is the girls crossing their arms in front of their chests and Anita saying, “He’s your CO, you get to drag him through half of Atlantis. Good luck with that.”
Haha, very funny. But she won’t give up on this as easy as they think. And anyway, someone already volunteered, anyway. “Right. Well, then… Dusty…”
“Hey, could you stop talking as if I wasn’t here? You just got yourself into serious trouble, Cadman. Not even you can talk yourself…” She’s had it now.
Exasperated, she turns back to Major Lorne. “And you will be escorted by Sergeant Mehra and myself to your quarters now, no buts allowed. Don’t contradict me because trust me; you don’t want to get into trouble with me. Did I make myself clear?”
"Captain, I will not tolerate…”
“Did. I. Make. Myself. Clear?” He actually gulps and looks at her, trying to match her stare… and in the end faltering. Whoa… once in a lifetime moment here. And hopefully he won’t ever remember this because then she’d really be in trouble.
“Yes.” At least he didn’t say “Yes, ma’am,” because that would have been all kinds of wrong. Of course trying to order him around was already all kinds of wrong but that’s… something completely different and was necessary to solve the situation - and the fact that he just let himself be ordered around by her tells her how grave the situation is and that desperate measures are totally okay. Yeah.
“Good. Dusty, you’re right, I’m left…” Dusty rolls her eyes and she glares at her as well. “Don’t have me make this an order. And you got yourself a ticket to that, anyway. Now, move it, Sergeant.” Bearing her fate with surprisingly good humor Dusty finally does as she’s told and together they set off to get a seriously disoriented Major Lorne back to his quarters, leaving behind a snickering and giggling rest of the poker round. As much as she likes Major Lorne and as much as she pities him… some part of her still wants him to learn from this escapade, even though he’s pretty likely not to remember any of this. And she just has the plan for it forming in her mind.
~*~
TBC in Days Like These.