FanFic100: #051 Water
His fingers lightly play over the surface of the table while he tries to listen to Colonel Mitchell giving them the briefing for their next mission. It’s just a trade mission, nothing out of the ordinary. But for some reason something in him makes him unable to hold his fingers still. To keep them from drumming, he subconsciously picks up his pen and starts tapping on the paper in front of him. He knows he should stop it and he even starts to get a little annoyed with himself but there seems to be enough nervous energy inside of him that it needs to go somewhere.
“Major Lorne… am I boring you?” He looks up, right into the expectant and slightly irritated face of Colonel Mitchell. Oh damn, he should have made an effort to at least appear like he’s listening.
He clears his throat and takes care to sit up straight again. “No, sir. Sorry, sir. I just… never mind. Won’t happen again.” Mitchell just gives him another not amused look but starts talking about the mission again. And did his team medic, Master Sergeant Feldmann, just roll his eyes? God, that’s really the height of embarrassment… being reprimanded in front of your whole team… as their CO. And they probably all think his absentmindedness has something to do with the mission, which makes it even more embarrassing, even though it doesn’t.
However, that still leaves the question what… Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door and Mitchell’s only reaction is an irritated sigh and a very pronounced “No!” but the door is opened anyway. It reveals a young female airman, one of the new girls from the admin section, as far as he can recognize. He can see that at first Mitchell is tempted to simply throw her out but then something makes him cut the girl a little slack and he rolls his eyes and says, “Private… when I say no, I mean no.”
She nods, really making an effort at not being too intimidated. “I know, sir. And I’m sorry, sir; but I’ve got an urgent message for Major Lorne… sir.” Suddenly he’s all ears. All the nervous energy is gone, leaving behind sharp attention and just a little bit of apprehension.
Mitchell seems to have seen it but doesn’t react to it… yet. Instead he addresses the Private again, “Really? Urgent?” She bites her lip, not really sure what to make of it but he can see that now Mitchell is starting to get amused by the whole situation. Then she just nods. With his eyebrows raised, he gestures for her to continue. “Go on, then. I guess it’s not super-secret?”
She bites her lip again. “No, sir, I… I don’t think so. The message is… uh… from a Miss Faversham. She called from Memorial Hospital.” Oh God. He just felt all the color drain from his face. Laura. “She said that a Miss… uh…” the Private looks at the little note in her hand and he’s just this close to bellow at her that she better be fast now, “A Miss Cadman was admitted two hours ago to the maternity ward and said… that Major Lorne… uh… might want to come there, too. He’d know what this is about, Miss Faversham said.” Oh God. Oh crap. That’s it. He knows that’s it. Laura went into labor and he’s stuck at the SGC because in an hour he has to go on a mission and… just crap.
“Uh… Major Lorne, are you alright?” No. Not a bit. Laura’s in hospital and the fact alone that she actually sent for him… doesn’t bode well. Something’s wrong. He knows something’s wrong and he… goddammit, he can’t just leave. And now he also has to explain to his CO and his team why he’s suddenly looking - and certainly feeling - like he’s about to faint in the next two minutes. He takes a deep breath.
“Quite frankly, sir… no.” Mitchell throws him a “Care to explain, Major?” look and he almost wishes he would just faint now. However, he’s still a Major of the United States Air Force so instead of fainting, he gets up and clears his throat. “Could I… talk to you for a minute, sir? In private?” His team is sure gonna hate him for that because they’ve only known him for maybe a month or a month and a half and he hasn’t told them anything about Laura yet, although they should have probably been the first to know in the SGC. But there’s just no way he’d get around explaining to them where he met Laura and why a woman who used to be under his command then is pregnant with his children now.
Mitchell looks very much like he’s about to deny this request, probably just to get back at him for not listening to him five minutes ago but obviously something - probably the fact that he’s still as white as a sheet and has to curl his hands into fists to keep them from shaking - convinces him to nod in the end. He dismisses the Private that looks mighty relieved when she can go again and then gestures for him to go outside.
“I’m listening, Major.” Damn, why can’t Mitchell be like Sheppard? All Sheppard would have done was tell him to call a cab and get the fuck to that hospital but Mitchell… has no clue about the whole Laura thing.
He steels himself, feeling like time is running through his hands like sand. “Sir… I’m… I’m about to become a father.”
For a moment, Mitchell doesn’t say a word, looking very much like he wants to determine if the Major who came back from Atlantis a couple of weeks ago and who is said to have been Sheppard’s by the book no-nonsense second-in.command is trying to play him for a fool. Then, “Right. So… this Miss Cadman… your girlfriend?” Yeah, I wish, is the first answer that pops into his head but he pushes it away as soon as it came to him.
Instead, he says, “Not… exactly, sir.” Argh. Why couldn’t he simply have lied about it? Because you’ve been trying to tell yourself for at least three months now that the only thing you see in Laura is a friend, an evil little voice answers but he chooses to ignore it. “But… that’s not the point here, sir.” Don’t ask, he almost begs and even goes as far as not giving Mitchell the opportunity to cut in. “The point is… she’s in trouble.”
Okay, maybe not exactly the wisest choice of words, as Mitchell’s almost suppressed smirk proves. “Really, now? What tells you that?” The bastard. Mitchell is actually enjoying this. So. Not. Fair.
“That thing with “might want to come there, too”? It’s Cadman code for “Get your ass over here in ten seconds or I’m going to blow it right off this planet.” I just… sir, I know we have orders for this mission and everything and if she wouldn’t have called I’d be going without so much as a blink but… there’s been a little trouble before and I just…” Aw, fuck. Why is it that he is totally incapable of explaining to Mitchell how very much afraid he is that something will go wrong because the pregnancy hasn’t been exactly easy so far, as he had gathered from Laura’s hinting… and the fact that she had been put on bed rest for almost all of the last four weeks?
To his surprise, Mitchell just presses his lips together and then says after taking a long moment to think, “Right. General Landry is probably going to kill me for this but… you’re free to go, Major.” For a teeny tiny moment he feels like engulfing Mitchell in a crushing bear hug. “Just don’t drive there on your own. You don’t really look fit to drive.” He doesn’t feel fit to drive so maybe he should invest in a cab today. He swallows and nods.
“Of course, sir. And… thank you, sir. I really… owe you.” Mitchell snorts.
“Damn right. I expect you to call in when you’re done, Major. And I expect you to give me - and your team - the full story as soon as you’re back on duty.” Well… he probably should have known that. His team maybe should really know the basic facts about their CO… and Mitchell just recognized this to have the potential to be of some good entertainment. “Get going, Major.” Oh… oh, right. Realizing he is really free to go, he throws Mitchell a last casual salute and then turns to race back to the surface, pulling the SGC patch off his BDUs being the only concession to secrecy he makes.
When he finally arrives at the hospital’s maternity ward they have the gall to make him go through the whole scrubbing up process and he’s really almost about to show them what a Zoomie is capable of if you keep him from reaching his destination. The only thing keeping him from it is that one of the nurses gives him a short briefing on Laura’s condition. She tells him that Laura and the twins are stable but that they have to monitor them closely because of something with the kids’ positions. She also tells him that Laura must be in a significant amount of pain but refuses to take painkillers and he’s not the least bit surprised.
He’s also not surprised that so far the doctors and nurses have run into a road block trying to convince her to let them relieve her of some of the pain. As long as he knows Laura, she never resorted to painkillers, unless the pain was bad enough to keep her from fulfilling her duty. So with all of that mind… he’s more than just a little apprehensive when they let him into the delivery room.
But when he enters, not even the nurse’s report has really prepared him for seeing Laura on that bed, being fussed at by doctors but instead of waving them off… she’s just lying on her side and she’s not looking well. Her hair is matted with sweat and the way she’s squeezing her eyes shut… back on Atlantis, whenever he had seen her like that, she’d needed several weeks to fully recuperate afterward. Without even waiting for one of the doctors or nurses to give him permission to come closer, he walks up to her and crouches down beside her, to see eye to eye with her.
“Hey, jarhead… thanks for the invitation.” It takes her a moment or two to realize that someone just talked to her and she needs another moment to open her eyes.
“Glad… you could make it.” Still trying to keep up a conversational tone. Must be really bad then.
But for the sake of not agitating her even further he tries to follow her lead. “Wouldn’t want to miss this. Hey, uh…”
“I’m fine, Evan.” The hell she is. And as if to punctuate it, she moves to curl up and squeezes her eyes shut as obviously another wave of pain hits her. He throws the doctor that the nurse from before identified as Dr. Petrarca and who is the one in charge a look and the frown tells him more than he’d wanted to know.
So he decides to screw not agitating her and taking the frontal approach. Up to now it always worked fine in the end. “No, you’re not. You wouldn’t have let them call me if you were.”
It’s true, and she knows it as well. If she was ready to let him see her like this - in pain and kind of helpless - it must be bad. What really worries him, though, is that she doesn’t really look like she’s fighting the pain. Instead she looks very much like she’s enduring it, nothing more. Refusing painkillers is one thing… being close to giving up another. He makes a decision, then and there.
After giving Laura an encouraging and comforting squeeze to the shoulder - although there are a few other things he’d rather do to encourage and comfort her - he walks over to Dr. Petrarca. The doctor eyes him a little warily, obviously not exactly happy about the determined look on his face. “Major Lorne, isn't it?”
“Yeah.” And no time for niceties, now. “Look, Doctor… could you do me a favor? Leave Laura… Miss Cadman and I alone in here, for a few minutes?”
Dr. Petrarca looks even less thrilled now. “Absolutely not, Major. Miss Cadman is in a… critical stage now and needs constant monitoring. I will certainly not…”
“I guarantee you, leaving me alone with her for those few minutes will make her chances of getting through this alive and well much better than you hovering around here.” He really just needs a few minutes to talk to her, he’s sure… but there’s no way he’ll talk to her with too many nosy people hanging around the room.
Petrarca wants to give back something scathing, he’s sure of that but a sharp intake of breath followed by something that could very well be a whimper from Laura makes him shut up. Come on, he thinks, let me talk to her. Let me get back to that bed and kick her inner Marine into action again. Just give me those few private minutes with her. Another sound comes from the bed and this time it sounds like Laura’s suppressing a scream.
God, he wishes he could simply tune that out because it’s nearly tearing his heart apart. After another minute of torture, Petrarca walks over to the bed. “Miss Cadman? Major Lorne here suggested my team and I leave the room for a few minutes. Before you agree, I have to tell you that I really don’t…”
“Just fucking… do it, doc.” Okay. Now he’s starting to get scared. Petrarca as well, because he doesn’t even make a second try to explain to her why it would be better if he stayed.
“I see. On your responsibility, Miss Cadman.” With that, he waves for the rest of his team and they follow him out of the room. Gee, prima donna much? Anyway, he’s gotta get a Marine back on her feet now.
He crouches down in front of her again. “Okay, now that he’s gone…”
“I said I’m fine.” Damn.
“I highly doubt that.” The last thing he wants to do now is fight with her. Can’t she make it easy for him, just for once? “Come on, Laura, what’s going on he…”
“You wanna know… what’s going on here?” She grits her teeth as the pain comes crashing down on her again and he wants to reach out to cup her cheek but she growls, “I’ll tell you what’s going on here. You ever… had a shot… a shot to the abdomen?” He can just shake his head. “I… Jesus fucking Christ. I have. This is worse. And it’s been like this for hours. And I just can’t fucking go on anymore.”
She nearly yelled that last part and the realization that this is partly his fault hits him like a surge of scalding hot water. Throughout the last three months he’d had a vague feeling of guilt in the rare times she’d genuinely complained about pain or really anything that made her feel uncomfortable but now it nearly overwhelms him. But this is not about him. It’s about getting Laura - and their children - through this.
Not caring whether she’d hack off his hand now or not, he takes heart and reaches out for her, putting one of the damp strands behind her ear and gently cupping her cheek. “That’s not true, Laura, and you know it. You can do this.” To lighten the mood at least a little bit and because he simply can’t see her in pain anymore, he adds, “Oh… and accepting some painkillers might help, too, you know.”
She swallows down another scream. “No. It’s just… it’s all so… I can’t do this, Evan. I’m gonna… I can’t…” She closes her eyes and the sweat on her face mingles with tears of pain, desperation and shame. No, no, no. It’s not supposed to go like this.
“Laura, look at me. Dammit… Marine! You open your eyes right now and look at me.” Amazing. He never thought he could keep up this authoritarian tone even now but he could. And what’s even better: It worked. She opens her eyes again and he strokes her cheek with his thumb. “Remember when they brought you into the infirmary when you already half bled to death, after saving Ronon’s ass, four months before you left?” She nods. Good. He remembers that as well. In fact…it’s one of the memories his mind likes to gift him with particularly often when it decides it’s time for a nightmare again. “No one thought you would make it. Even Keller didn’t give you a snowball’s chance in hell. Remember that?” She nods again. “But you did it. God, Laura, you pulled through then and you will pull though now. Hear me?”
She takes a deep breath and shudders under the onslaught of another wave of pain. “Don’t you… dare… making this an order.” Her face is so serious that he just can’t help chuckling at it. It makes her frown even deeper but at least… there’s this glimmer back in her eyes. The glimmer she always had when she was stubbornly refusing to let go, to give up, let herself be defeated.
“Don’t make me make this an order. Don’t… give up, Laura. Giving up was never an option before.” At least for her, that is. He, though… he’d nearly given her up all these months ago, never even trying to really find out why she left. Instead Katie Brown had to accidentally spill the beans before he finally acted.
“Whoever…good God… whoever said it is now, huh?” Thank God. She’s back. She’ll make it. And if it’s just out of spite; he doesn’t care. The main thing is that she’ll give her best and that she’ll refuse backing down.
He can’t help breathing a sigh of relief… and giving her a kiss on her damp forehead. “No one. No one said that.” To his surprise she simply accepts it. He never dared to get this close to her before - well, apart from that one time about nine months ago - because he was always afraid she’d make him regret that. Now, though… maybe it’s just the extraordinary circumstances and she will make him regret that once she’s back to her old self.
“Evan?” He blinks. Oh, right.
“Mh?” Instead of an immediate answer, she reaches for the hand on her cheek and takes it in hers to squeeze it when another contraction hits her. He’s pretty sure she’s still holding back but damn, her grip is still very much that of a Marine.
“Maybe… you should ask that doc… to come in again. I think… I might need a little medical assistance.” Not good. Fighting against the panic welling up inside of him he goes to fetch Petrarca and his team again.
What follows… is an eternity - or at least that’s how it appears to him - of worrying, swearing, coaxing, supporting, sobbing and in the end also some screaming after all. He’s also pretty sure that if it had taken them only a few minutes longer she might actually have managed to break his hand. In the end both of them are exhausted, wetter than after a thorough gush of rain on Lantea and… grinning like idiots.
Because, when they put his daughter, his first born, into his arms and when he sees tears of joy streaming down Laura’s face when they put her son into her arms and when she doesn’t even hesitate to kiss him back as his first reaction to all of this is to bend down and kiss her full on the lips, he knows it was all worth it. Giving up Atlantis, facing her father, fighting his way back into her life… Everything for this one moment in time where he knows with unerring certainty that just for once he has done everything right and everything is as it is supposed to be.
~*~
TBC in For The World to See