FanFic100: #005 Outsides
“So… you’re sure about this?”
The man he just addressed turns around, nods and makes a face that’s just a little resigned but doesn’t say anything. Yeah, he’d expected Major Lorne to be smart - and honest - enough not to pretend he has no idea what his CO is talking about. He walks up to his 2IC, with two bottles of beer in his hand… almost like a peace offering. Not that their first conversation about Lorne’s request to be transferred back to Earth had gone awry or anything… but it was still very tangible that he wasn’t exactly happy about having to let Lorne go. And about feeling like Lorne didn’t tell him the whole truth about why he wanted to leave all of a sudden.
When he reaches the balcony’s railing and has come to stand beside Lorne, he clears his throat and simply holds one of the bottles out to him. After a moment of hesitation, Lorne takes it and takes a tentative sip. Well… that didn’t get him really far. Why does Lorne have to be such a private man, anyway? With that man, he always feels like he’s prying when talking about something that’s only remotely personal.
He takes a sip himself, to stall and to fumble around for something that would get the Major to talk better than “You’re sure about this?” Maybe something that requires more than just “Yes” or “No” as an answer… “To be honest… I’m gonna miss it, sir.”
Huh? He clears his throat to cover up his confusion. “Uh… miss what, Major?”
Lorne throws him a look that says clearly that he’s wondering about where his CO’s brain just went but keeps his voice level when he replies, “Atlantis, sir. I’m… gonna miss it.”
The Major makes sure not to look him in the eye when he says that but he can still see that Lorne means that. Which only adds to his feeling that Lorne is holding something back from him. He knows he should probably keep his hands off that one like for example he kept his hands off asking who fathered the kid that made Cadman resign or like he keeps his hands off asking why Teyla’s visits to her people have become much more frequent in the last few weeks or like he keeps his hands off asking Sam why she is always just a little bit disappointed when the mail from home arrives.
But maybe he’s just tired of keeping his hands off asking people about stuff that changes them or upsets them. So… alright, frontal assault. “Then why are you so intent on leaving it?”
“I thought that was in my request, sir.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement; calm, collected, controlled. And it’s this that tells him that there is more to it than just the wish for a change of scenery. Of course that’s not how Lorne had phrased it but that’s what it said.
He’s had enough of Lorne’s careful phrasing and tiptoeing around the issue now, though. “Your request, Major, was a load of bullshit.” Lorne almost winces. “You don’t really think I’m stupid enough to believe it, right?” Actually… he’d not put it beyond Lorne to say exactly that, only of course in that polite and just slightly sarcastic way of his.
However… for a while the Major says nothing at all and just when he’s about to completely lose his patience, Lorne rubs his hand over his face and then his neck. “Sir… I’m sorry for… not giving all my reasons but I think it would be better if you’d not… dwell on it.” Whoa. Lorne looks actually distressed now. Unfortunately, that only serves as fuel to the fire for his curiosity. Maybe back to cautiously approaching the subject, though.
“Look… Major, I don’t want to interrogate you or anything. It’s just that… if I gotta let my second in command go at least I want to know why.” It’s true. He doesn’t really want to let Lorne go - mostly because he has the feeling he won’t find another second in command so willing and able to put up with him again - and if he has to, at least he wants to make sure it’s for more than just a change of scenery.
Lorne takes a sip from his bottle and then a long, deep breath. Then, “I… understand that. It’s just… sir, this isn’t just about me. If I tell you… promise me not to talk about it to anyone else?” Oh. He’s protecting someone? Someone who obviously means a lot to him… just like Cadman gave him the feeling that she didn’t want to talk about the father of her child because she was trying to protect that someone…
He nods. And he doesn’t only say that to get Lorne to talk but because he means it. If Lorne was prepared to practically lie to his superior to protect someone it surely isn't trivial. “Yeah, I will. Now, tell me?”
The Major takes another deep breath. “I don’t even know how to begin… Sir, I’m… I’m going to be a father in about three months.”
Wham. Holy crap. And suddenly… all the pieces fall into place, just like that. Why Cadman had asked him to keep it to himself that she was pregnant, not even tell Lorne, even if he should have known; why Katie Brown had known Cadman was pregnant, even though she had made the impression that she hadn’t told anyone beside Keller, Sam and him; why Lorne almost had almost gone off on him for not telling him why Cadman resigned… Good God, he should have seen that one coming.
“Well… uh… congratulations, Major.” There’s a look of confusion from Lorne and then a little chuckle, as if he saw that his CO had drawn the conclusions all on his own.
“Thanks, sir. But… you see why… I couldn’t state anything in the official request, right?” Yeah… yeah, he does. Huh. Here he had already been wondering when Lorne and Cadman would get it on before she left and it didn’t seem like there had been anything. Of course he’d seen that a few weeks prior to her leaving, there had been practically no contact between Lorne and Cadman anymore. Yeah, that should have made him suspicious, after observing the two becoming closer almost by the day for a few months. And he’s suddenly glad Cadman already left months ago. At least now there’s still a chance no one will ever start certain… investigations.
He sighs. “Yeah, I do. Do I even want to know how it happened?” Of course he does but he also knows that he should respect his 2IC’s privacy.
Lorne presses his lips tightly together. Ah… maybe not a good story. But then again… the silence between the two and the way Cadman had been uncomfortable about speaking about her kid’s father… kind of a dead give-away. “Let’s just say that… you might want to rethink our approach to enforcing the no alcohol policy, sir.”
Ouch. And… whoa. Who would have thought that Evan Lorne of all people would be so susceptible to the powers of alcohol and a little flirtation? Because flirt they did, he can testify to that. Yeah… yeah… he really should have seen that one coming… and he should have done something about it. Oh well. That calls for a long, nice draw from the bottle. After he’s done with that, he says, “Right. And now you’re doing the honorable thing or what?”
Again… not a good question. For a moment it even looks like there’s hurt washing over Lorne’s face but he gets a grip on himself so fast that he’s not even sure if he really saw that one. “Not… really. In fact… she made me promise not to ask her to marry me. But… she agreed to share custody of the kids with me and even let me help her a little.”
Yeah, that sounds very much like Cadman… having to be convinced to… wait. “Kids? As in… more than one?”
Lorne has a look that’s almost sheepish on his face now. “Yeah… uh… Laura… I mean, Cadman is expecting twins.” Then he gives him a grin that makes him wonder if Lorne didn’t make that “blunder” on purpose, just to see how his CO would react to it. “Actually, that’s more or less how my mother reacted to the news, sir.”
“Ha, ha, very funny.” Honestly, comparing your CO to your mother? So not proper military behavior. But neither is drunkenly screwing around with one of your Marines. It’s just a little bit weird that he’s now discovering some sides of his 2IC he never thought he’d see.
“Oh, I think it is. Just a little bit, I mean.” Just for once Lorne managed to turn tables on him. Oh well.
“Yeah, well, don’t tell me you weren’t surprised by the news when you spoke to her,” he replies a little disgruntled and to his satisfaction, Lorne looks just a little bit embarrassed.
“Actually… that nearly gave me a heart attack.” It makes both of them snort and then grin because for some reason he can very well imagine how Lorne must have felt. “That was probably pay back for the way I got her to agree to let me help.”
Mh. Sounds like Lorne had an interesting week of leave. After all, you don’t get told that you’ll be the father of twins in three months every day. However… there’s one thing he still doesn’t get. “Major… tell me one more thing? If she doesn’t want to marry you… and if she only agreed reluctantly… why the hell give up Atlantis?”
Lorne lets his gaze swerve over the open sea, the two moons, the lights of the city… until he settles with, “See… I want to be a good father to my kids, no matter the circumstances everything happened under. And you can’t be a good father from a galaxy away, as hard as you may try to.” Well, that makes sense, at least for a man like Lorne. Still… he feels like there’s more behind it than just wanting to be close to his kids. Something… something that Lorne isn't really aware of himself, maybe. Well… yet. Again he remembers the way Lorne and Cadman were treating each other before that thing happened and where it would have maybe led them if alcohol hadn't hurried what might have happened in its own time had they waited for their tours to end.
But he has pried enough for today, and it’s actually a wonder Lorne gave him so much about the kids. Asking him about Cadman… that would be too much for one day. Maybe he’ll wait until he hears from Lorne again after he’s back at home… or maybe he could make Teyla try and get something more out of him… well, there’s a thought now. “I see your point, Major. Well, then… don’t forget to send some pictures once the kids are born, huh?”
He’d meant it as a casual remark and so is surprised that there’s some hesitation and thinking on Lorne’s face… and then the Major reaches into his jacket to pull something from the inside pocket. It’s some piece of paper, folded and a little crumpled… “Actually… if you want to… you can have an exclusive first look now, sir.” He just raises his eyebrow and Lorne moves to unfold it. At first glance all he sees are black and white shadows, not really a picture… And then it hits him. Right. Ultrasound picture.
He looks into Lorne’s face again and is surprised at the pride and anticipation that crept onto his face. Until now he still had had the suspicion that Lorne didn’t really want to quit Atlantis for the kids, just did it because he thought it was the right thing… now he realizes that for Lorne there are indeed things more important than his career, even if they weren’t expected or at least planned. He clears his throat, takes a sip from his bottle. Then he asks, “So… that’s the twins, huh? Two girls? Boys?”
Lorne points first to the right one and then to the left one. “Girl… and a boy.” He can’t help make an appreciative face. Well, and after that he can only barely resist a sympathetic look. If even only one of those kids is like Cadman… Lorne will have his hands full his whole life. But it’s the pride and the hope and the genuine joy that Lorne can’t fully hide that make him abstain from any negative or sarcastic remarks or even looks.
Instead he simply asks, “You already picked out names?”
The Major makes a face. “Well… she did, anyway. And no, I won’t tell you. I value my life and my… masculinity too much for that.” Whoa. Seems like Cadman is very intent on keeping the names a secret.
He can’t help teasing the Major a little, though. “What, afraid of a little pregnant Lieutenant, Major?”
“She nearly cut off my balls when I told her about my decision to leave Atlantis, sir,” Lorne answers matter-of-factly and absolutely straight-faced and that’s what tells him that she really nearly did. So better not laugh about it.
Instead he clears his throat and says, “Right. It wouldn’t help much if I told you she was right to do it, huh?” Because he his this feeling that Lorne didn’t ask Cadman about this but indeed simply presented her with a fait accompli. Of course that was probably the only way of getting through with it anyway but still… it takes a lot of guts to even try it. That Lorne walked away from it, still standing upright… wow.
And Lorne knows that. “No, sir, not a bit. Anyway, I uh… I need to go back to the paperwork, sir. Wouldn’t want to leave behind anything unfinished when the Daedalus arrives, huh?” Uh-huh, yeah, sure. It’s still a week until the Daedalus will arrive and he’s almost positive that Lorne is already done with all the leftover paperwork. He just needs an excuse to get out of this interrogation.
Well… maybe he should let him go, then. He knows what he wanted to know anyway so no more reason to make Lorne uncomfortable. And anyway… wasn’t there a data burst with mail from home just this afternoon when Lorne had been giving jumper flying lessons to a couple of scientists?
“Of course not. You’re free to leave.” And read the e-mail you pretend you haven’t been waiting for the whole day; he wants to add but remembers his resolution not to dwell on the topic of Cadman too much tonight.
Lorne nods and turns to leave. “Thank you, sir. Oh, and thanks for the beer. See you tomorrow then.”
He nods as well. “I suppose. Night, Major.” Lorne also wishes him a good night as well and then starts walking out of the mess hall at a pace that’s way too measured not to betray that there’s a man looking forward his mail. It raises a smile from him as he turns back to look at the sea just a little more. Well then, now that he finally got behind the Major’s secret… maybe he should just corner Teyla as well and worm it out of her why her visits to her people have become much more frequent… even though he has the feeling that he actually doesn’t really want to know it.
~*~
TBC in Cleanin' This Gun