FanFic100: #099 Prejudice (Writer's Choice)
Well, then… here it is. His chance to make a fool out of himself for all eternity. Seriously, why should he be doing this? Why should he waste part of his leave to ring the bell of a woman who disappeared out of his life six months ago? And with such a… meaningless goodbye at that.
Yeah, right.
Meaningless, his ass. He’s positive she already knew what he got told four months later… in fact, he’s positive that this was the actual reason why she handed in the request to leave Atlantis. What he doesn’t understand - and part of why he’s here - is that she didn’t tell him about this. Another reason was that when he finally learned about everything he felt… furious. Furious at being left out, that Laura thought she had to handle this on her own… and furious that Laura didn’t trust him.
With that anger as a back-up he finally manages to press the bell. It also makes him be persistent enough that he manages to press the bell a second time after a few moments when nothing happens. And even a third time. Again… nothing… until he suddenly hears some movement behind the door and then the door actually opens.
Aw, crap. He’d had such a well-phrased speech in his head, right up until this moment. Right up… until he actually saw her. Her hair is in a messy pony tail, she looks tired… and very obviously pregnant. Well… it was one thing hearing about it… and it’s quite another actually seeing it. It brings him as far as visually gasping.
Her only answer is crossing her arms in front of her chest, leaning against the door frame and asking, “Anything you wanted to say, sir?”
Mh. Could have been worse. She could have thrown the door right back into his face. He clears his throat, trying to get back at least a little of his dignity. “Yeah, nice to see you, too, Laura.” He had decided on the frontal approach, going in already calling her by her first name. After all… that’s his kid she’s pregnant with for all he knows.
However… that wasn’t exactly the best way to start a conversation about something as serious as a kid between two ex fellow soldiers that was never supposed to happen. She seems to view it like that as well. “What do you want?” Yeah, that’s the Lieutenant Cadman he knows. Straight to the point.
He can handle that… he thinks. “Isn’t that kind of… obvious?” He can’t help gesturing towards that bump under her loose t-shirt. Her hand strays toward it but he’s sure she’s doing that unintentionally, a gesture that betrays the insecurity behind her cool, slightly bored façade. It gives him an odd kind of satisfaction to see her already rattled up… after all, she deserves that for leaving him standing like an idiot in that armory six months ago.
“I think you better leave now, sir.” Wait, she wasn’t supposed to say that. She was supposed… okay, she probably was supposed to say that. And couldn’t she just stop calling him “sir”? She didn’t when that kid was conceived, after all.
He takes a deep breath to stay calm. “Look… Katie Brown told me. I think… I think we need to talk.” All she does is shake her head and move to close the door again but something in him makes him react fast enough to put a foot in the door and his hand against it. For a moment… she just glares at him, daring him to come closer, do something stupid… and at the same time almost afraid of it and again he feels himself somehow irritated at how little she trusts him. Then he almost sighs and actually finds the courage to softly remind her, “Kid’s gonna need a father, Laura.”
She wipes a hand over her face, looking even more harassed than she did a few moments ago and wants to answer something but another door on the floor opens and an elderly man pokes his head out of the apartment and eyes him warily before asking, “Is this man bothering you, Laura?”
Immediately, he takes away his hand and foot from the door because something in the way the man eyes him promises him lots of trouble in case Laura says yes, he is. But Laura just takes a step out in the corridor and shakes her head, hugging herself. “No, I’m fine, Colonel Daubner, thank you.”
The man - the Colonel - takes a step out of his apartment himself and gives him another once over. Why does he suddenly feel like being under scrutiny from Laura’s father, not her neighbor? “Are you sure? Never seen him here before. Looks a little… shifty.” Shifty? Shifty? Who the hell is that guy? Can’t be Air Force retired, that much is clear. It really takes him a lot of strength to keep quiet.
Laura, though, gives the Colonel something… something that actually looks like a ghost of her usual lenient smile and he feels oddly… jealous. Huh. “It’s okay, sir. We… used to serve together. Major Lorne here just wanted to catch up since he was in the neighborhood.”
Another scrutinizing look but at least also a short approving look at Laura’s mentioning of his rank. With a moment’s delay he realizes… she did that on purpose to keep him from any further inquiries by the Colonel. “Major, huh? Looks a little young to be a proper one. Flyboy, eh?” Laura nods… and is that a little cheeky eye-rolling he just caught? “Well, well… if he gives you any trouble… you know where to knock.”
“Of course, sir.” Another little smile for the Colonel, not for him. Another stab of jealousy. It surprises him a little how easily the Colonel lets himself be convinced by Laura’s pacification. What also surprises him is that when Laura turns back to him, she says, “Ten minutes, sir.”
Well… it’s a start, isn't it? He knows he should be appalled at her ordering him around - and if she keeps doing that he might still get to that - but for the moment he’s too glad that she’s actually letting him in that he lets it go for the moment. So he just nods and follows her into her apartment.
The first thing that he notices is that it’s… tiny. There’s a living room and a kitchen and two doors which probably lead to a bathroom and a bedroom. In one of the living room’s corners stands a desk that’s cluttered with all kinds of papers around a laptop with its lid open. There are some more papers on the couch and the coffee table... but other than that it looks like she keeps everything in neat order. He can just hold back a grin, seeing that this is obviously an expression of the battle of her inner scientist versus her inner Marine.
She clears her throat and he looks up again. She’s now leaning against her kitchen counter, her arms crossed in front of her chest and again he has to force himself not to stare at the reason why he’s actually here. “You wanted to explain to me what’s so important about a father, sir.”
He’s standing in the middle of her living room, feeling strangely forlorn and actually needs a moment to gather his wits again. Then, “You know… I don’t know about you but I for example would have liked to have one.” Instead of the desired reaction she just raises her eyebrows. Not good. “However… my father decided to leave my mother a few months after I was born and we never heard from him again.” Still looking not exactly impressed. “Laura… all I want to say is that… my mother is a great person and she always took great care of us… but there was always something… someone missing. She did have a few men in her life over the years but none of them was… a father.”
She rubs a hand over her face again. She also takes a deep breath. “Look, sir… I… I guess I see your point and everything, it’s just that… this is another thing altogether. You didn’t leave me and it was my decision to take care of this whole thing on my own. You don’t… owe me anything. I can deal with this alone.”
Resisting another sigh he simply flexes his fingers. He also has a hard time not asking her if she was deliberately misunderstanding him or if she was actually too stupid to see what he meant. It takes him another few moments to calm down enough to be able to say, “I know you could,” although he’s pretty sure that even Laura Cadman could use a little help in raising a child, “but that’s not what this is about.”
She snorts. “Then what is this about?” Yeah, well… good question. He’d had all those wonderful reasonable speeches in his head where he would simply convince her to let him take his part in this because it was the right thing to do, the decent thing, the sensible thing. But now that he’s here, now that in a way he can already see the child that is his… it’s about so much more. It’s about… it’s about this almost indescribable strange feeling that’s starting to rise in his chest whenever his eyes wander over the bulge, about the amazement at the fact that dammit, that’s his kid in there and the ever growing reluctance to let himself be forced to forget about this child.
He takes a deep breath. “Look, I just want to…”
She throws up her hands in frustration. “Want to what? Protect me? Do the decent thing? Help with the bills? Newsflash: This is the 21st century, Major. A woman doesn’t need a shotgun wedding anymore.” Ouch. Seems like he just touched a nerve there. Before that little outburst, she’d been a little irritated, a little harassed… but this is obviously not the first time she felt like someone is trying to question her ability to solve each and every one of her problems on her own.
Only… only that he never wanted to do that. He just knows her better than that, having been her CO and even something resembling a friend for quite a while. It’s only that knowledge that saves her from an equally scathing retaliation. Instead, he quietly - maybe even too quietly - replies, “I was going to say: See my kid growing up.”
She wants to get off at him again but then it registers with her what he just said and it kind of throws her off-track because all she says is a slightly confused, “Oh. Oh right.” With slightly nervous fingers, she puts a lose strand of her behind her ear, fiddles a little around with it. In fact… she suddenly looks distraught enough that he almost regrets having said that. And when she says, “I’m… sorry. Of course… of course you’re right. I never… I wouldn’t keep you from seeing… I…” he’s almost ready to simply walk over to her and engulf her in a hug. Things must have been mighty difficult for her in the last six months and all he could think about was waltzing in here and demanding the right to see his child. He didn’t… think of her enough and he’s ashamed of that now.
Now he flexes his fingers again to keep himself from reaching out to her. It’s a sudden wave of affection for her that makes his voice soft again when he says, “I never thought you would and I’m sorry if I gave you the feeling I did. Look… I’m sure we can work something out.”
She laughs a little humorless laugh and rubs her neck. “Yeah, sure. Guess so.”
Her hands have crawled halfway into her sweater’s sleeves. More and more he gets the feeling that she can try and tell him that she’s got everything under control all she wants but that deep down she knows that this is something not even a goddamn Marine can shoulder all on her own… and that’s terrifying her. And the sight of that is getting at him enough that he feels himself compelled to do something that will almost certainly get him thrown out - and probably right into the arms of that Colonel out there. “Laura… promise not to go off on me again?”
A little warily she gestures him to go on. Oh well… here he goes. “I really… respect your determination to deal with this alone and I don’t doubt you’ll give your best and everything… it’s just that… you don’t have to.”
“Oh, you mean I’m not capable of it,” she gives back with a very scathing undertone and again he feels his frustration levels rise. Geez, how stubborn can one woman… one Marine be?
“No, I’m just saying that it’s not a bad thing to accept some help now and then… not even for you.” She wants to say something but he’s kind of had it now. It’s one thing to refuse obtrusive and maybe even condescending hints and offers but it’s quite another to refuse genuine offers of help from the kid’s father. “I know that you know that having and raising this kid will be no cake walk, for your whole life. So here I am, offering you a chance of making it easier, both for you and the kid, the only thing that I want for that being able to see my kid on a regular basis and you still go on and give me all that crap? Seriously, Laura… you are smarter than that.”
That was daring and he knows it. Belittling Laura Cadman’s intelligence is nothing you do more than once. But really… there’s not much more that he has left to convince her to let him help with the kid. She practically forced him to call upon his last resorts.
She shakes her head, her frustration and even desperation visible in every inch of her body. “Don’t you dare calling not wanting to depend on someone’s good will “crap”, Evan Lorne. I’m a goddamn Marine, I know how to take care of myself and everyone dependent of me. I don’t need anybody’s money or time or pity, thank you very much, Major…”
“God, don’t you get it?” This is really enough, now. Finally, she made him snap and raise his voice, no matter if that mad Colonel is listening at the door or not. “This isn't about fucking pity. It’s about you stopping that stupid “Laura Cadman versus the rest of the world” game. Some things you just can’t deal with alone. You want to reenlist after finishing school? Fine, go on and try that as a single parent with no one to take care of your kid. Face it, Laura, either you take all the help that you can get or you can say good bye to ever serving on active duty again. And I ain’t waiting forever for you to decide.” There, it’s on the table. His last wild card and he hopes she’ll finally see reason. Because, quite frankly… it would break his heart at least a little bit if she was barred from ever joining up again because of something he’s partly guilty of.
For a seeming eternity it’s quiet in the room, with only some random sounds from outside filtering in through the closed window. Neither of them moves for the first few moments but then she pushes herself away from the counter, walks over to the couch and sits down a little awkwardly. She still doesn’t say anything, only puts her face in her hands and he starts to be sorry for yelling at her. The sight of her sitting there, somehow looking small and frail all of a sudden, even despite the advanced pregnancy, makes him finally abandon all his reservations.
Carefully, he walks over to her and crouches down in front of her. After hesitating for a moment, he takes those hands - it surprises him a little how easily she lets him touch her and that tells him how much this is all getting to her - and says, “Laura… I’m sorry I said that. I shouldn’t have yelled at you and I shouldn’t have doubted…”
She shakes her head… but doesn’t move her hands. “No… no, you were right. I don’t stand a chance to reenlist as a single parent, no matter how badly I want it. Actually… it’s a little scary how well you know me.”
At that she gives him a little smile… the first real one and the first for him and it truly amazes him how much that serves to lighten his mood. He finds himself mirroring it and reaching out to tug another errant strand behind her ear. “I used to be your CO, remember?”
A little shaky she takes a deep breath. “Yeah… yeah, I do. I also… I also remember you being some kind of… you know… friend.” That’s his breakthrough. Something in her whole bearing and in her voice tells him that he finally got through to her, that she will listen to him now.
He lets go of her hands and sits down beside her on the couch, not caring about the papers strewn about. He’s sure she’ll give him a wigging about that later but they really have other priorities at the moment. “I was. I still am. Laura… we’ll find a way for you to have this kid and reenlist, if you really want to. You just have to let me help you find it.”
Sighing, she leans back. “Guess I have to, huh?” He nods.
And then he grins. “I can still order you to let me help you, Marine.”
She gives him a look. “First of all… you’re not my CO anymore. And second… go ahead and try it. We’ll see how long you’ll last.” For a moment, he’s tempted to actually do it but then the little warning voice in the back of his head tells him that even in situations worse than this Laura Cadman and her will of iron were always forces to be reckoned with.
He raises his hands in mock defeat. “Fine, I rescind.”
Satisfied, she grins a little. But then she grows serious again. “I’ll agree. Under one condition: No. Proposal. Really, I mean it. If I so much as see you thinking about proposing, you’re out. Got me?”
That strikes him as a very odd condition at first but then he remembers her remark about a single pregnant woman not needing a shot gun wedding anymore and he realizes that this is an important thing for her and that he better agree. Even though the values his mother ingrained into him are protesting very loudly against this. But then again… he’d do everything to stop her glaring at him like she is right now. “Yeah. Right. No proposal. Got it.”
And so it’s obviously sealed… his fate as a future father. He’s not sure if he should be giddy with happiness right now or mortally afraid of all the complications and difficulties that will arise from the two of them trying to take care of a kid as something between friends and former co-workers. “Evan… there’s something, though, that you should know…” Uh-oh. That look on her face now makes him strongly lean towards the latter… it’s something between guilty and sheepish. Does he really want to know? “It’s… um… it’s not “Kid’s gonna need a father.” It’s more like… “Kids are gonna meet a father.”.”
It takes him at least half a minute to actually register what she just said. Kid’s… kids… kids. Holy. Crap. He swallows. “What the…?”
She looks even more sheepish now and her hand is lying protectively on her stomach. “It’s twins. Boy… and a girl.” He swallows again. Obviously… something in that message made him forget about coherent speech… and thought. “I… was thinking about naming them… Aislinn Moira… and Christopher Evan.” He feels his face turn white for at least a few seconds… and he’s not seeing black dots dancing before his eyes. He so is not. “Evan… is everything okay?”
Breathe, Lorne. In and out, in and out… after a few more moments he finally seems to have recovered somewhat from that double shock. He clears his throat. “Yeah, I’m… fine, I think. I just… that was a lot to take in at once.”
She looks at him sympathetically and a little apologetically. “I’m sorry. But I had to tell you some time, you know.” Yeah, of course. Of course she had to. It’s just… twins. And… Christopher Evan. He almost doesn’t dare ask but then his curiosity gets the better of him.
“So… Christopher Evan, huh?” She smiles and it’s a little dazzling mischievous smile… one that reminds him how they actually got into this mess.
“Yeah, well… They’re both nice names and they remind me of two very important men in my life who could both be great role models for my son… both my kids, actually.” It makes him blush and it doesn’t go past her as the broadening of her smile tells him. Which doesn’t really serve to calm down the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions inside him.
“Really?” She nods. “I’m most interested in them. Care to tell me their stories? Most of all the one of that Evan guy.”
“Well… there once was this guy… he was Air Force and he was maybe the most decent man I ever met… even despite being Air Force. Hey, leave the pregnant woman alone!” The rest of her protestations drown in giggling as he has grabbed her feet and started tickling her… and something inside of him tells him that this is the best sign that they will make it, no matter how hard and awkward and complicated it’s going to be.
~*~
TBC in In Trouble Deep