variations on the word love [Ver. G], part 3
notes:
Going to be sucked up by real life again soon so I thought I'll do an update before the madness begins!
The reason for rejection given by Hyunsuk was beyond harsh and Jiyong almost regretted getting Seunghyun to audition at YG to begin with, despite how much the both of them wanted it.
It had gone so well in the beginning too, or that was what he had heard at least. Hyunsuk was honestly surprised and pleased by the demo tapes they sent in and he knew that getting Seunghyun into their new group would add a unique blend to what was manufactured K-pop nowadays. But it was a terrible thing for him to tear Seunghyun down with some of the most cutting and cruel remarks he had given to date, and it was especially mean to do so after praising the older boy's skills and mastery to the heavens. However, knowing Hyunsuk and the way he usually worked, Jiyong knew he only had himself to blame for being naive.
Seunghyun had been pretty cool about it, though he had also expressed his disappointment over the reason for rejection. He said he thought they were artists, lovers of music and creation, which was pretty much why he decided to try for YG to begin with. To be told so baldly to his face that the reason he wasn't allowed to join was because he was too 'fat' to be an idol… it really should have pissed Seunghyun off, but the older boy had shrugged off the comment with a 'what can I do?' look. To Seunghyun, hip-hop wasn't about looks, not really. They had an image to maintain but the music was what drove the soul, and anyone could see that he was someone who had music in his soul.
While Seunghyun had accepted the rejection with a rueful smile, Jiyong was furious, spitting mad, because he hadn't asked Seunghyun to attempt for his current company in order to be humiliated in this manner.
"Fuck this shit." Jiyong threw the remains of the napkin he was slowly shredding to bits onto the table between them. Had he been in his right frame of mind, he would be ashamed of the fact that Seunghyun was the one who had to calm him down, when the older boy ought to be the one feeling offended and upset. "This is total crap. What kind of 'idol material' bullshit is he talking about? I'm not 'idol material' and neither is Youngbae! All this talk about finding people with talent… what a fucking liar."
"Hey," Seunghyun had a small smile on his lips but Jiyong could read the hurt and resignation in his eyes only too well. "You guys look good. I'm just… too fat to be a teenage heartthrob, I guess."
"Fuck that shit," Jiyong snatched up the napkin, tore it again and discarded the mutilated remains with an angry huff. "Who wants to be a teenage heartthrob? I wanna be a rapper, not some pretty face for people to coo over!"
Seunghyun had reached for his hand, enveloping it in familiar and comforting warmth. "You are a rapper, Jiyong. You've always been one."
"…it's not the same without you."
At this, the older boy laughed, genuinely amused by his declaration. "What are you talking about? You've been doing great without me all this time. And I still have my underground scene, though I'm sure working in YG would have been an awesome experience."
Jiyong was glum for the rest of the night, left wondering where his future would lead. Now that the door had been opened, he found that he couldn't close it anymore, as hard as he tried. Once he thought about what it would be like to debut with Seunghyun by his side, and while he still longed for the original plan of debuting as a duo unit with Youngbae, he realised that what he thought he wanted had changed. Not to be disrespectful to Youngbae, his best friend and brother, the person who had suffered, sweated and toiled together with him for the past few years, but whenever Seunghyun was involved it always felt like the world had narrowed down to one point of focus and it was always pointing to the older boy.
That night, Seunghyun texted him with a smiley face and told him to cheer up as this wasn't the end of the world, and to expect a surprise in a few weeks' time.
To his disappointment, the older boy refused to give another hint about what he was planning despite his badgering. Jiyong fell asleep that night thinking about the surprise Seunghyun was preparing for him, and whether it would really help him get over his current funk like the other had promised.
Jiyong bumped into someone as he was rushing for practice sometime after the incident whereby Seunghyun was rejected by Hyunsuk. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't help feeling as if his world had come to a standstill there and then. He was so humiliated by the outcome that he almost didn't dare to talk to Seunghyun after the failed audition, but once again, the older boy had found him instead and told him everything was fine. The bad atmosphere he brought along with him everywhere he went carried on for a few weeks though, to the point whereby Youngbae had started to ignore him and their trainers were giving him concerned looks when they thought he wasn't paying attention.
He apologised to the person he just crashed into without looking up, then realised that the stranger had a familiar look about him. He couldn't quite place a finger on what had looked so familiar about that person but there was a nagging thought at the back of his mind screaming at him to take another closer look.
"I'm really so sorry," Jiyong bowed respectfully, back straight. "Have we… are you new to YG? I'm so sorry but I think I haven't seen you around before…"
The stranger grinned at him and replied in an all too familiar voice, saying the last thing he was expecting to hear.
"Yah, Jiyong, you don't recognise your hyung anymore?"
Jiyong gaped at the boy standing before him, seeing traces of Seunghyun in the other and realising with a jolt that it was the reason why the other had look so familiar to begin with.
"Seunghyun-hyung?!"
"I want my old Seunghyun-hyung back." Jiyong could hear the petulant whine in his own voice, and he would have smacked himself had Seunghyun not laughed and reached over to slap him on the side of his head then.
"Your Seunghyun-hyung is still here. He's just somewhere inside this monkey frame."
Jiyong turned sulky. "He wouldn't have been able to fit in."
Seunghyun was laughing again, the dimples in his face looking more pronounced now that he had lost a good amount of flesh in his cheeks. "Yeah, probably not."
They were back at their usual twenty-four hour cafe after Seunghyun was accepted by Hyunsuk following his second audition, and everyone had been shocked at the drastic change the boy underwent. In fact, some of them were worried about his health since losing so much weight in such a short duration couldn't have been good. However, Seunghyun had remained cheerful and upbeat throughout his day at the YG building, and that seemed to have convinced the adults in their team that maybe he was fine after all.
But Jiyong had noticed the way Seunghyun would tremble sometimes, as well as the glassy look that would take over his face every now and then, when he was taken on a tour and introduced to the various people who would be working with him. It was probably a combination of too much information and exhaustion, so Jiyong had taken things into his own hands and dragged the older boy off after excusing themselves from their trainers, mumbling something about showing Seunghyun around the company building as an excuse.
He could see that Seunghyun was practically ready to pass out in the chair, his eyes drooping, so Jiyong ordered the biggest mug of hot chocolate he could afford for the other and sat down to watch his hyung drink life back into his face.
"But hyung, actually…" Jiyong bit his lip, suddenly feeling shy. "Thank you so much for everything. It really means a lot to me."
Seunghyun was sipping the hot chocolate and smiling, uncaring about the chocolate froth moustache he had collected. "It means a lot to me too, to be in the same place as you."
Jiyong smiled, feeling his cheeks heat at the warm look Seunghyun was giving him.
"Thank you, hyung."
"No," Seunghyun shook his head, eyes crinkling further. "Thank you for giving me this chance. I will treasure it."
Jiyong smiled and lowered his head, reaching for the hand Seunghyun had offered so readily on the table between them and squeezing it tightly once before letting go.
Going to be sucked up by real life again soon so I thought I'll do an update before the madness begins!
The reason for rejection given by Hyunsuk was beyond harsh and Jiyong almost regretted getting Seunghyun to audition at YG to begin with, despite how much the both of them wanted it.
It had gone so well in the beginning too, or that was what he had heard at least. Hyunsuk was honestly surprised and pleased by the demo tapes they sent in and he knew that getting Seunghyun into their new group would add a unique blend to what was manufactured K-pop nowadays. But it was a terrible thing for him to tear Seunghyun down with some of the most cutting and cruel remarks he had given to date, and it was especially mean to do so after praising the older boy's skills and mastery to the heavens. However, knowing Hyunsuk and the way he usually worked, Jiyong knew he only had himself to blame for being naive.
Seunghyun had been pretty cool about it, though he had also expressed his disappointment over the reason for rejection. He said he thought they were artists, lovers of music and creation, which was pretty much why he decided to try for YG to begin with. To be told so baldly to his face that the reason he wasn't allowed to join was because he was too 'fat' to be an idol… it really should have pissed Seunghyun off, but the older boy had shrugged off the comment with a 'what can I do?' look. To Seunghyun, hip-hop wasn't about looks, not really. They had an image to maintain but the music was what drove the soul, and anyone could see that he was someone who had music in his soul.
While Seunghyun had accepted the rejection with a rueful smile, Jiyong was furious, spitting mad, because he hadn't asked Seunghyun to attempt for his current company in order to be humiliated in this manner.
"Fuck this shit." Jiyong threw the remains of the napkin he was slowly shredding to bits onto the table between them. Had he been in his right frame of mind, he would be ashamed of the fact that Seunghyun was the one who had to calm him down, when the older boy ought to be the one feeling offended and upset. "This is total crap. What kind of 'idol material' bullshit is he talking about? I'm not 'idol material' and neither is Youngbae! All this talk about finding people with talent… what a fucking liar."
"Hey," Seunghyun had a small smile on his lips but Jiyong could read the hurt and resignation in his eyes only too well. "You guys look good. I'm just… too fat to be a teenage heartthrob, I guess."
"Fuck that shit," Jiyong snatched up the napkin, tore it again and discarded the mutilated remains with an angry huff. "Who wants to be a teenage heartthrob? I wanna be a rapper, not some pretty face for people to coo over!"
Seunghyun had reached for his hand, enveloping it in familiar and comforting warmth. "You are a rapper, Jiyong. You've always been one."
"…it's not the same without you."
At this, the older boy laughed, genuinely amused by his declaration. "What are you talking about? You've been doing great without me all this time. And I still have my underground scene, though I'm sure working in YG would have been an awesome experience."
Jiyong was glum for the rest of the night, left wondering where his future would lead. Now that the door had been opened, he found that he couldn't close it anymore, as hard as he tried. Once he thought about what it would be like to debut with Seunghyun by his side, and while he still longed for the original plan of debuting as a duo unit with Youngbae, he realised that what he thought he wanted had changed. Not to be disrespectful to Youngbae, his best friend and brother, the person who had suffered, sweated and toiled together with him for the past few years, but whenever Seunghyun was involved it always felt like the world had narrowed down to one point of focus and it was always pointing to the older boy.
That night, Seunghyun texted him with a smiley face and told him to cheer up as this wasn't the end of the world, and to expect a surprise in a few weeks' time.
To his disappointment, the older boy refused to give another hint about what he was planning despite his badgering. Jiyong fell asleep that night thinking about the surprise Seunghyun was preparing for him, and whether it would really help him get over his current funk like the other had promised.
Jiyong bumped into someone as he was rushing for practice sometime after the incident whereby Seunghyun was rejected by Hyunsuk. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't help feeling as if his world had come to a standstill there and then. He was so humiliated by the outcome that he almost didn't dare to talk to Seunghyun after the failed audition, but once again, the older boy had found him instead and told him everything was fine. The bad atmosphere he brought along with him everywhere he went carried on for a few weeks though, to the point whereby Youngbae had started to ignore him and their trainers were giving him concerned looks when they thought he wasn't paying attention.
He apologised to the person he just crashed into without looking up, then realised that the stranger had a familiar look about him. He couldn't quite place a finger on what had looked so familiar about that person but there was a nagging thought at the back of his mind screaming at him to take another closer look.
"I'm really so sorry," Jiyong bowed respectfully, back straight. "Have we… are you new to YG? I'm so sorry but I think I haven't seen you around before…"
The stranger grinned at him and replied in an all too familiar voice, saying the last thing he was expecting to hear.
"Yah, Jiyong, you don't recognise your hyung anymore?"
Jiyong gaped at the boy standing before him, seeing traces of Seunghyun in the other and realising with a jolt that it was the reason why the other had look so familiar to begin with.
"Seunghyun-hyung?!"
"I want my old Seunghyun-hyung back." Jiyong could hear the petulant whine in his own voice, and he would have smacked himself had Seunghyun not laughed and reached over to slap him on the side of his head then.
"Your Seunghyun-hyung is still here. He's just somewhere inside this monkey frame."
Jiyong turned sulky. "He wouldn't have been able to fit in."
Seunghyun was laughing again, the dimples in his face looking more pronounced now that he had lost a good amount of flesh in his cheeks. "Yeah, probably not."
They were back at their usual twenty-four hour cafe after Seunghyun was accepted by Hyunsuk following his second audition, and everyone had been shocked at the drastic change the boy underwent. In fact, some of them were worried about his health since losing so much weight in such a short duration couldn't have been good. However, Seunghyun had remained cheerful and upbeat throughout his day at the YG building, and that seemed to have convinced the adults in their team that maybe he was fine after all.
But Jiyong had noticed the way Seunghyun would tremble sometimes, as well as the glassy look that would take over his face every now and then, when he was taken on a tour and introduced to the various people who would be working with him. It was probably a combination of too much information and exhaustion, so Jiyong had taken things into his own hands and dragged the older boy off after excusing themselves from their trainers, mumbling something about showing Seunghyun around the company building as an excuse.
He could see that Seunghyun was practically ready to pass out in the chair, his eyes drooping, so Jiyong ordered the biggest mug of hot chocolate he could afford for the other and sat down to watch his hyung drink life back into his face.
"But hyung, actually…" Jiyong bit his lip, suddenly feeling shy. "Thank you so much for everything. It really means a lot to me."
Seunghyun was sipping the hot chocolate and smiling, uncaring about the chocolate froth moustache he had collected. "It means a lot to me too, to be in the same place as you."
Jiyong smiled, feeling his cheeks heat at the warm look Seunghyun was giving him.
"Thank you, hyung."
"No," Seunghyun shook his head, eyes crinkling further. "Thank you for giving me this chance. I will treasure it."
Jiyong smiled and lowered his head, reaching for the hand Seunghyun had offered so readily on the table between them and squeezing it tightly once before letting go.