cal·i·brate, IV. (final)
notes:
Here's the final part, thanks for reading this!
Warning for some angst and language.
IV.
The club they picked this time was better than their usual, the beat of the bass strong and loud, the press of the crowd a familiar and comforting sight. Jiyong was off dancing with a bunch of girls who had wandered close to their table, looking more like himself than he did for the past couple of months. They were celebrating someone's birthday, but more and more of the details seemed to escape Seunghyun with each bottle of wine he finished. He was already on his fifth bottle, a strong red that was heavy on his palette and made him heady with just a few sips.
There was a girl on his right, and he wasn't sure when she started hanging onto his arm or where she came from, precisely, since none of the others brought their girlfriends tonight. He brushed her off, suddenly uncomfortable, but her arms were back around his again, dark red fingernails curling around his arm in a vice-like grip.
Seunghyun once again pushed her away, and one of the others seemed to notice, reaching over to pull the girl to his side and giving him an apologetic look. They knew that while he could party up a storm in the clubs, he never liked it when the girls clung onto him after realising who he was. It wasn't that he didn't like girls, and he did date when he was much younger, when he still thought that he could change fate, somehow. Most of his partners never lasted long though, choosing to break off the relationship the moment they realised his timer had already stopped. He had been having only one night stands since, with the equally lonely people who had nothing to hide about their timers.
Seunghyun lifted his glass to the other in gratitude, turning back to where Jiyong was still dancing on the floor, the sweat on his collarbones glistening under the flickering lights.
He rubbed the inside of his left wrist, suddenly thirsty, and drained what was left of his wine in the glass, pouring himself another generous serving when the alcohol did nothing but made the heartbeat throbbing in his ears louder.
"Seunghyun! Come join me!" Jiyong was shouting at him, inebriated and mostly gone, giggling madly when Seunghyun shook a finger at the other, keeping his other arm crossed firmly over his chest.
He must have zoned out, because in the next moment he found Jiyong by his side, eyeliner all smudged on his half-lidded eyes and a tipsy smile on his lips. There was a girl beside him, one of those he had been dancing with earlier, Seunghyun thought, and she was playing with Jiyong's left hand almost idly.
Seunghyun didn't know how he knew, but he caught hold of the girl's hand before she managed to slide her fingernails underneath the leather bracelet covering Jiyong's timer. The look she shot him was guilty, even as she shook her head and denied what she was about to do. Jiyong was more or less unconscious at this point, his head lolling ungracefully against Seunghyun's shoulder, mouth open and jaws slack. He shoved the girl away from Jiyong's side, ignoring her pained protests and stood up, wavering only slightly on his feet.
Suddenly the night was no longer fun and he was ready to go back.
He grabbed Seungho on the shoulder, shouted that he was going back and bringing Jiyong along, and ignored the other's protests that the night was still young. It was early enough that getting a taxi wasn't a problem, but dragging a semi-conscious Jiyong home was definitely on his list of things not to do again when drunk. He had to piggyback the younger man up to their dorm, and the short journey tired him out so much that he tossed Jiyong off his back onto their common area couch before heading to the kitchen in search for water.
Seunghyun returned with two half-filled glasses, not trusting his own coordination, and set them down on the coffee table before trying to shake the other awake.
"Jiyong," he sounded loud even to himself and tried to make his voice softer, knowing that the others were sleeping. "Jiyong, wake up. Drink some water before you go back to sleep. You'll thank me for this tomorrow."
Jiyong turned over with a grunt, reaching out blindly to grasp for the glass of water with his eyes still closed. He ended up splashing half of it down the front of his shirt and Seunghyun laughed when the younger man finally opened his eyes to look down at his own handiwork, frowning like he wasn't sure how or why that happened. He gave a small grumble of protest when he realised that Seunghyun was still laughing, and proceeded to dump the rest of the water over the older man's head.
"What the fuck-" Seunghyun spluttered, wiping at his face, and threw the contents of his own glass at Jiyong in retaliation.
The two of them stared at each other for a moment, faces still dripping, before bursting out in laughter, and then abruptly covered each other's mouths in an attempt to control their volume.
Seunghyun reached over to help Jiyong wipe the excess water from his face, smudging the other's makeup further. In a burst of inspiration, he drew cat's whiskers on one side of the other's face with his remnant eyeliner and burst out laughing again, proud of his own ingenuity. When Jiyong realised what he did, the younger man held up a fist reminiscent of a paw and reached over to bat Seunghyun with it half-heartedly.
"Meow." Jiyong gave him a cute expression to go with the shakily drawn cat's whiskers, and Seunghyun couldn't help laughing again, reaching over to grab hold of the younger man's head and shaking it like a doll's.
"Ahh, hyung, you're making me dizzy," Jiyong protested, trying and failing to push off Seunghyun's hands. "Think I'm gonna-"
He was cut off abruptly when Seunghyun lunged forward suddenly, their noses barely avoiding a collision, and pressed a sloppy, wet kiss on his lips.
Seunghyun pulled back almost immediately, regretting his impulsive action but Jiyong was following him, chasing after his mouth and pressing in close enough to straddle Seunghyun's lap and wrap his arms around the older man's neck. The kiss was dizzying, and unlike anything he had ever shared with his past partners. Jiyong was moaning into his mouth, and it felt like he was attempting to lick his way to Seunghyun's tonsils.
"Jiyong," he gasped in between kisses, trying to remove the younger man from his lap. "Wait, Jiyong-"
"Hyunnie..." Jiyong panted against his mouth, and he could hear the desperation in the other's voice. "Don't wanna stop... Don't push me away, please..."
Seunghyun kept his eyes closed, afraid to see the look in Jiyong's eyes. "You will regret this in the morning."
"I won't." Jiyong was insistent, still clinging onto Seunghyun, burying his face in the latter's neck. "I promise I won't."
He didn't reply again but they slept on the couch that night, Seunghyun stretched out almost uncomfortably on a piece of furniture which was clearly too short for him and Jiyong lying on top, ear and palm pressed firmly over the place where Seunghyun's heart resided. It felt like a brand, a scorching mark of Jiyong's feelings for him, and while he thirsted to drink them down like a parched traveller lost in the desert, he didn't dare to, afraid of what the future might bring. It was getting close now, he didn't know the specific time but Jiyong could meet his other half any time between now and the next week, and Seunghyun thought he had to be the responsible one here because Jiyong was clearly not even trying.
Once upon a time he thought they had all the time in the world to love each other, but he realised now that was only half the truth-- he had all the time in the world to love Jiyong, but Jiyong's time was running out.
---
While he had been anticipating this for some time now, waking up and stumbling to the bathroom in the morning only to find Seunghyun and Jiyong tangled up together on their common area couch was more effective than coffee at waking Youngbae up. In fact, he thought he might need to add some alcohol into his morning coffee today, for he certainly needed the liquid courage to boost himself into the correct mental state to have the talk with Jiyong.
He had been watching the two of them, just like Seungri and Daesung had, and he came to the conclusion that if it was Jiyong, this would either be the one to end all, or he would move on and forget about it. But he had been watching the two of them for the past five years. While Jiyong might drift off every now and then because he liked having fun and instant gratification sometimes, and Seunghyun could be a selfish bastard when he felt like it, what he saw lingering between Jiyong and Seunghyun had stayed and seemed to become almost tangible over time.
Youngbae turned away from the common area and sat at their dining table with his first cup of coffee for the day, sans alcohol for now. He could still see them from there, but the distance made it feel less like he was intruding on an intimate moment, even though their postures screamed it.
He saw Jiyong waking up first, and was prepared to sit there nursing his coffee while waiting for the both of them to be awake before alerting them to his presence. It was almost cute, and he could guess the mastermind behind the handiwork on Jiyong's face, but Youngbae dropped the idea when he saw the younger man leaning up to press a soft kiss to the underside of Seunghyun's chin while the latter slept on, unsuspecting. Jiyong had a giddy little smile on his face, and although he loathed to be the one to chase it away, Youngbae thought he had to do so before things got out of hand.
He cleared his throat loudly just as Jiyong picked up Seunghyun's hand to lace their fingers together, giving the younger man a scare and waking up Seunghyun at the same time. He could see the colour draining from Jiyong's face, just as Seunghyun sat up scowling, rubbing the back of his neck and peering about himself with only half-opened eyes. He coughed again, just to be sure and to alert Seunghyun to his presence, picking up his coffee mug to take a long, slow swallow.
Seunghyun had stared at him, uncomprehending, before he recalled where he was and what Youngbae probably saw. The older man was unflappable about the discovery though, giving a grunt of acknowledgement which would pass for 'good morning' in Seunghyun-speak in the mornings, and wandered off in the direction of their bathroom cracking his neck.
Youngbae turned his attention back to Jiyong then, noticing that the younger man had been frozen in the same position since just now, eyes wide and face pale.
"Did you..." Jiyong began, running a hand through his messy hair and grimacing. "That wasn't what it looked like-"
Youngbae interrupted the other with a dry look. "I would have to be blind in order to not read into that, Jiyong."
The other looked frustrated, messing up his hair further. "You don't understand."
"Try me," he was trying not to frown, but Jiyong was not meeting his eyes anyway. "You're someone whose timer is counting down really soon, and Seunghyun-hyung is someone whose timer has already stopped. How else are we supposed to interpret this? How can you do this to hyung knowing that you will be meeting your other half anytime soon? Do you really think he can recover from this? Hyung may look like nothing in life can take him down, but he's a lot more fragile than you think. He's not going to bounce back from this like a rubber ball, he will shatter and nothing else can put him back together again."
Jiyong snorted, dismissing his claims. "You're making this more serious than it really is. Do you really think I am going to find that one person and leave him behind hanging? He means so much more to me than what the stupid timer says."
"You may say this now but I know you, Jiyong, and I know that your likes and dislikes are as changeable as the weather. If you fancied yourself in love with whoever it is that you meet when your timer runs down, will you still recall Seunghyun-hyung then?" Youngbae demanded, crossing his arms.
Jiyong's retort though, was sharp and quick. "Just because you have decided to spend your entire lifetime waiting for that person to appear like what your timer says, that doesn't mean everyone is like you Youngbae! I'm not someone who will sit around for fifty years waiting for that person to show up!"
He stared at Jiyong, unwilling to believe what he just heard. The other seemed to realise then what he had said too and was immediately apologetic, crossing the room to clutch one of Youngbae's hands with a distressed look.
"I'm so sorry-I really shouldn't have said that-I didn't mean it that way-you understand right?"
He tried unsuccessfully to shake off Jiyong's hands and glanced down the hallway, unsure if anybody had heard what was said but unwilling to dwell on the thought either. That had hurt, and it wasn't just because Jiyong had said the truth he tried so hard to conceal from everyone.
"I-"
"It's tomorrow." Jiyong finally whispered, his head still lowered, fiddling with Youngbae's fingers in a familiar nervous habit. "My timer."
Jiyong looked up then, a pleading look on his face. "Please don't tell hyung."
"Please don't tell him it counts down tomorrow."
---
Jiyong had been jittery all morning, dragging his feet about leaving the dorm, and then taking forever to park his car and get to the recording studio. The two of them were supposed to head to YG that day, to begin recording their group combination for Hyunsuk's appraisal. They had been recording separately, in different groups, to see which one yield the best results from their audience. The current combo was something they had thought of before and actually tried too, but they were planning to add a different twist to it this time.
In a normal situation, there was only so much two rappers could achieve together, but Jiyong had proven through his solo album that he could be highly versatile and that would work to their advantage if they needed more singing than rapping. Furthermore, Jiyong's naturally higher voice already made a good contrast against his own deeper, steadier sound, so Seunghyun was actually kind of curious how everything would turn out if they tried it this way instead.
If all else fails, they would just have another song to join the long list of songs they discarded.
However, what he had thought was going to be a quiet, productive day at the studio became a follow-Jiyong-around-the-YG-building game, as the other seemed to have suddenly forgotten where he left most of his things in a rather uncharacteristic move for his meticulous nature. This was the third time they were walking between the studio and Jiyong's car, and Seunghyun was starting to wonder if he was stupid or bored, since he was actually following the other man around like he requested instead of waiting at the studio while Jiyong drifted between their studio and the carpark absentmindedly. Looking at the way things were going, he would probably tell Seunghyun he left his head somewhere else next.
They finally, finally entered and settled down in the studio sometime around two in the afternoon and it was quiet inside, lights dimmed and screen saver flashing on all of the workstations. Their team of producers and sound technicians had probably gotten bored and wandered off for lunch or their tenth cigarette break, and Seunghyun had half a mind to suggest the same when Jiyong sat down and started playing back a song they recorded earlier that week. It was not bad, but it wasn't exactly material which they could put on an album and sell either, so they had shelved it and moved on to something else then. He wasn't sure why Jiyong was working on something he had already decided to discard, but shrugged and started picking through some of the samples they prepared the day before.
The strange behaviour from the other man continued even after Teddy and Choice popped back into the studio, smelling of barbecued meat and hot sauce. He scowled at the two older men, his stomach gurgling in response, but unwilling to break for food when they had barely gotten started. Jiyong was fiddling with the controls non-stop, his gaze darting between Seunghyun, the recording booth, and their studio door as if he was anticipating someone to enter.
In that duration, Bom, Chaerin, Seungri, one of their female stylists and two of the backup dancers popped into the studio to ask Jiyong something, and Seunghyun watched with increasing levels of bemusement and alarm as the younger man jumped in surprise each time the studio door opened. He looked frightened, almost, and when their stylist had entered the room, Jiyong had chased her out almost immediately. Even Teddy and Choice had noticed Jiyong's strange behaviour, but Teddy just shrugged it off and Choice had given Seunghyun a knowing look instead. Which didn't help.
Things came to a point when Jiyong told them to stop the music, asked Seunghyun to get out of the recording booth, and started nitpicking on every single thing he did in the last five minutes. He watched the younger man ranting almost nervously for a while longer, not quite sure what was causing the distress, but decided enough was enough when Jiyong started on his singing technique.
"Wait, wait," Seunghyun began, holding up a hand and stopping the barrage of words from Jiyong. Teddy and Choice were watching the two of them with interested looks on their faces, and Seunghyun felt a flush of embarrassment that their two seniors had to witness this. "What are you talking about? Are you criticising my singing technique? Seriously?"
"No," Jiyong's reply was glib, his gaze still darting between Seunghyun and the door. "No, that wasn't what I said, I was just pointing out that you could have sang that part better-"
"Stop."
Jiyong snapped his mouth shut so quickly, the sound of his teeth meeting was an audible click in the quiet room.
"I don't know what's your problem today," Seunghyun began, picking up his wallet and cigarettes. "But I'm not going to stay here while you go off the rails. I'm going for a smoke, don't call me until you can start making sense again."
"Wait, hyung-"
He turned to go, and could hear the murmur of conversation starting up in the room as the door swung close behind himself, but Seunghyun didn't turn to check and most certainly wasn't interested to hear what Jiyong had to say then. There was something eating at him, but he wasn't willing to tell Seunghyun so that was it, really. He couldn't force the younger man to talk, but he didn't think he should put up with the abuse either. His singing technique, seriously? Jiyong must be going nuts to criticise him, the only member in their group who was not a singer, on his singing technique, what the fuck.
The rooftop was empty when he stepped out of the fire escape staircase, and he was glad for the solitude. There were other things on his mind that day, things which he thought he could push to the back of his head with what he needed to do, but his forced departure from the recording studio had left him bereft. It didn't take long for those same thoughts to start crowding their way to the front of his mind once more.
Who could Jiyong's other half possibly be? Who had they been meeting recently whose timer was counting down, and soon? It felt like their time was suddenly running out, and he had wanted the spend the day with Jiyong doing things which they both liked, which made the both of them happy, but the other was being an asshole and he wouldn't put up with it. Something must have happened yesterday or Jiyong wouldn't have behaved in this manner but the only significant event he could recall was Youngbae stumbling upon the two of them in their dorm's common area yesterday morning. He could hear the sounds of an argument from the bathroom but the two men had gone out together for dinner that night so he didn't think that was it, either.
"Hyung!"
Seunghyun turned just as Jiyong dashed onto the rooftop, glancing around quickly to take in their empty surroundings before he started undoing the leather bracelet on his left wrist.
"What." Seunghyun took another long draw from his cigarette just as the bracelet came away from Jiyong's wrist, trying not to pay attention to the timer. "What are you doing?"
Jiyong had never showed Seunghyun his timer, not even once, and he didn't think it would be a good time to start now.
"Seunghyun," Jiyong had walked near, but he barely noticed the slip in formalities because the younger man was holding up his left hand, and Seunghyun found his gaze drawn irresistibly to the other's timer. "Look."
Seunghyun's mouth went dry.
"I told you I won't regret it."
And their gazes met just as Jiyong's timer counted to zero.
fin.
Here's the final part, thanks for reading this!
Warning for some angst and language.
IV.
The club they picked this time was better than their usual, the beat of the bass strong and loud, the press of the crowd a familiar and comforting sight. Jiyong was off dancing with a bunch of girls who had wandered close to their table, looking more like himself than he did for the past couple of months. They were celebrating someone's birthday, but more and more of the details seemed to escape Seunghyun with each bottle of wine he finished. He was already on his fifth bottle, a strong red that was heavy on his palette and made him heady with just a few sips.
There was a girl on his right, and he wasn't sure when she started hanging onto his arm or where she came from, precisely, since none of the others brought their girlfriends tonight. He brushed her off, suddenly uncomfortable, but her arms were back around his again, dark red fingernails curling around his arm in a vice-like grip.
Seunghyun once again pushed her away, and one of the others seemed to notice, reaching over to pull the girl to his side and giving him an apologetic look. They knew that while he could party up a storm in the clubs, he never liked it when the girls clung onto him after realising who he was. It wasn't that he didn't like girls, and he did date when he was much younger, when he still thought that he could change fate, somehow. Most of his partners never lasted long though, choosing to break off the relationship the moment they realised his timer had already stopped. He had been having only one night stands since, with the equally lonely people who had nothing to hide about their timers.
Seunghyun lifted his glass to the other in gratitude, turning back to where Jiyong was still dancing on the floor, the sweat on his collarbones glistening under the flickering lights.
He rubbed the inside of his left wrist, suddenly thirsty, and drained what was left of his wine in the glass, pouring himself another generous serving when the alcohol did nothing but made the heartbeat throbbing in his ears louder.
"Seunghyun! Come join me!" Jiyong was shouting at him, inebriated and mostly gone, giggling madly when Seunghyun shook a finger at the other, keeping his other arm crossed firmly over his chest.
He must have zoned out, because in the next moment he found Jiyong by his side, eyeliner all smudged on his half-lidded eyes and a tipsy smile on his lips. There was a girl beside him, one of those he had been dancing with earlier, Seunghyun thought, and she was playing with Jiyong's left hand almost idly.
Seunghyun didn't know how he knew, but he caught hold of the girl's hand before she managed to slide her fingernails underneath the leather bracelet covering Jiyong's timer. The look she shot him was guilty, even as she shook her head and denied what she was about to do. Jiyong was more or less unconscious at this point, his head lolling ungracefully against Seunghyun's shoulder, mouth open and jaws slack. He shoved the girl away from Jiyong's side, ignoring her pained protests and stood up, wavering only slightly on his feet.
Suddenly the night was no longer fun and he was ready to go back.
He grabbed Seungho on the shoulder, shouted that he was going back and bringing Jiyong along, and ignored the other's protests that the night was still young. It was early enough that getting a taxi wasn't a problem, but dragging a semi-conscious Jiyong home was definitely on his list of things not to do again when drunk. He had to piggyback the younger man up to their dorm, and the short journey tired him out so much that he tossed Jiyong off his back onto their common area couch before heading to the kitchen in search for water.
Seunghyun returned with two half-filled glasses, not trusting his own coordination, and set them down on the coffee table before trying to shake the other awake.
"Jiyong," he sounded loud even to himself and tried to make his voice softer, knowing that the others were sleeping. "Jiyong, wake up. Drink some water before you go back to sleep. You'll thank me for this tomorrow."
Jiyong turned over with a grunt, reaching out blindly to grasp for the glass of water with his eyes still closed. He ended up splashing half of it down the front of his shirt and Seunghyun laughed when the younger man finally opened his eyes to look down at his own handiwork, frowning like he wasn't sure how or why that happened. He gave a small grumble of protest when he realised that Seunghyun was still laughing, and proceeded to dump the rest of the water over the older man's head.
"What the fuck-" Seunghyun spluttered, wiping at his face, and threw the contents of his own glass at Jiyong in retaliation.
The two of them stared at each other for a moment, faces still dripping, before bursting out in laughter, and then abruptly covered each other's mouths in an attempt to control their volume.
Seunghyun reached over to help Jiyong wipe the excess water from his face, smudging the other's makeup further. In a burst of inspiration, he drew cat's whiskers on one side of the other's face with his remnant eyeliner and burst out laughing again, proud of his own ingenuity. When Jiyong realised what he did, the younger man held up a fist reminiscent of a paw and reached over to bat Seunghyun with it half-heartedly.
"Meow." Jiyong gave him a cute expression to go with the shakily drawn cat's whiskers, and Seunghyun couldn't help laughing again, reaching over to grab hold of the younger man's head and shaking it like a doll's.
"Ahh, hyung, you're making me dizzy," Jiyong protested, trying and failing to push off Seunghyun's hands. "Think I'm gonna-"
He was cut off abruptly when Seunghyun lunged forward suddenly, their noses barely avoiding a collision, and pressed a sloppy, wet kiss on his lips.
Seunghyun pulled back almost immediately, regretting his impulsive action but Jiyong was following him, chasing after his mouth and pressing in close enough to straddle Seunghyun's lap and wrap his arms around the older man's neck. The kiss was dizzying, and unlike anything he had ever shared with his past partners. Jiyong was moaning into his mouth, and it felt like he was attempting to lick his way to Seunghyun's tonsils.
"Jiyong," he gasped in between kisses, trying to remove the younger man from his lap. "Wait, Jiyong-"
"Hyunnie..." Jiyong panted against his mouth, and he could hear the desperation in the other's voice. "Don't wanna stop... Don't push me away, please..."
Seunghyun kept his eyes closed, afraid to see the look in Jiyong's eyes. "You will regret this in the morning."
"I won't." Jiyong was insistent, still clinging onto Seunghyun, burying his face in the latter's neck. "I promise I won't."
He didn't reply again but they slept on the couch that night, Seunghyun stretched out almost uncomfortably on a piece of furniture which was clearly too short for him and Jiyong lying on top, ear and palm pressed firmly over the place where Seunghyun's heart resided. It felt like a brand, a scorching mark of Jiyong's feelings for him, and while he thirsted to drink them down like a parched traveller lost in the desert, he didn't dare to, afraid of what the future might bring. It was getting close now, he didn't know the specific time but Jiyong could meet his other half any time between now and the next week, and Seunghyun thought he had to be the responsible one here because Jiyong was clearly not even trying.
Once upon a time he thought they had all the time in the world to love each other, but he realised now that was only half the truth-- he had all the time in the world to love Jiyong, but Jiyong's time was running out.
---
While he had been anticipating this for some time now, waking up and stumbling to the bathroom in the morning only to find Seunghyun and Jiyong tangled up together on their common area couch was more effective than coffee at waking Youngbae up. In fact, he thought he might need to add some alcohol into his morning coffee today, for he certainly needed the liquid courage to boost himself into the correct mental state to have the talk with Jiyong.
He had been watching the two of them, just like Seungri and Daesung had, and he came to the conclusion that if it was Jiyong, this would either be the one to end all, or he would move on and forget about it. But he had been watching the two of them for the past five years. While Jiyong might drift off every now and then because he liked having fun and instant gratification sometimes, and Seunghyun could be a selfish bastard when he felt like it, what he saw lingering between Jiyong and Seunghyun had stayed and seemed to become almost tangible over time.
Youngbae turned away from the common area and sat at their dining table with his first cup of coffee for the day, sans alcohol for now. He could still see them from there, but the distance made it feel less like he was intruding on an intimate moment, even though their postures screamed it.
He saw Jiyong waking up first, and was prepared to sit there nursing his coffee while waiting for the both of them to be awake before alerting them to his presence. It was almost cute, and he could guess the mastermind behind the handiwork on Jiyong's face, but Youngbae dropped the idea when he saw the younger man leaning up to press a soft kiss to the underside of Seunghyun's chin while the latter slept on, unsuspecting. Jiyong had a giddy little smile on his face, and although he loathed to be the one to chase it away, Youngbae thought he had to do so before things got out of hand.
He cleared his throat loudly just as Jiyong picked up Seunghyun's hand to lace their fingers together, giving the younger man a scare and waking up Seunghyun at the same time. He could see the colour draining from Jiyong's face, just as Seunghyun sat up scowling, rubbing the back of his neck and peering about himself with only half-opened eyes. He coughed again, just to be sure and to alert Seunghyun to his presence, picking up his coffee mug to take a long, slow swallow.
Seunghyun had stared at him, uncomprehending, before he recalled where he was and what Youngbae probably saw. The older man was unflappable about the discovery though, giving a grunt of acknowledgement which would pass for 'good morning' in Seunghyun-speak in the mornings, and wandered off in the direction of their bathroom cracking his neck.
Youngbae turned his attention back to Jiyong then, noticing that the younger man had been frozen in the same position since just now, eyes wide and face pale.
"Did you..." Jiyong began, running a hand through his messy hair and grimacing. "That wasn't what it looked like-"
Youngbae interrupted the other with a dry look. "I would have to be blind in order to not read into that, Jiyong."
The other looked frustrated, messing up his hair further. "You don't understand."
"Try me," he was trying not to frown, but Jiyong was not meeting his eyes anyway. "You're someone whose timer is counting down really soon, and Seunghyun-hyung is someone whose timer has already stopped. How else are we supposed to interpret this? How can you do this to hyung knowing that you will be meeting your other half anytime soon? Do you really think he can recover from this? Hyung may look like nothing in life can take him down, but he's a lot more fragile than you think. He's not going to bounce back from this like a rubber ball, he will shatter and nothing else can put him back together again."
Jiyong snorted, dismissing his claims. "You're making this more serious than it really is. Do you really think I am going to find that one person and leave him behind hanging? He means so much more to me than what the stupid timer says."
"You may say this now but I know you, Jiyong, and I know that your likes and dislikes are as changeable as the weather. If you fancied yourself in love with whoever it is that you meet when your timer runs down, will you still recall Seunghyun-hyung then?" Youngbae demanded, crossing his arms.
Jiyong's retort though, was sharp and quick. "Just because you have decided to spend your entire lifetime waiting for that person to appear like what your timer says, that doesn't mean everyone is like you Youngbae! I'm not someone who will sit around for fifty years waiting for that person to show up!"
He stared at Jiyong, unwilling to believe what he just heard. The other seemed to realise then what he had said too and was immediately apologetic, crossing the room to clutch one of Youngbae's hands with a distressed look.
"I'm so sorry-I really shouldn't have said that-I didn't mean it that way-you understand right?"
He tried unsuccessfully to shake off Jiyong's hands and glanced down the hallway, unsure if anybody had heard what was said but unwilling to dwell on the thought either. That had hurt, and it wasn't just because Jiyong had said the truth he tried so hard to conceal from everyone.
"I-"
"It's tomorrow." Jiyong finally whispered, his head still lowered, fiddling with Youngbae's fingers in a familiar nervous habit. "My timer."
Jiyong looked up then, a pleading look on his face. "Please don't tell hyung."
"Please don't tell him it counts down tomorrow."
---
Jiyong had been jittery all morning, dragging his feet about leaving the dorm, and then taking forever to park his car and get to the recording studio. The two of them were supposed to head to YG that day, to begin recording their group combination for Hyunsuk's appraisal. They had been recording separately, in different groups, to see which one yield the best results from their audience. The current combo was something they had thought of before and actually tried too, but they were planning to add a different twist to it this time.
In a normal situation, there was only so much two rappers could achieve together, but Jiyong had proven through his solo album that he could be highly versatile and that would work to their advantage if they needed more singing than rapping. Furthermore, Jiyong's naturally higher voice already made a good contrast against his own deeper, steadier sound, so Seunghyun was actually kind of curious how everything would turn out if they tried it this way instead.
If all else fails, they would just have another song to join the long list of songs they discarded.
However, what he had thought was going to be a quiet, productive day at the studio became a follow-Jiyong-around-the-YG-building game, as the other seemed to have suddenly forgotten where he left most of his things in a rather uncharacteristic move for his meticulous nature. This was the third time they were walking between the studio and Jiyong's car, and Seunghyun was starting to wonder if he was stupid or bored, since he was actually following the other man around like he requested instead of waiting at the studio while Jiyong drifted between their studio and the carpark absentmindedly. Looking at the way things were going, he would probably tell Seunghyun he left his head somewhere else next.
They finally, finally entered and settled down in the studio sometime around two in the afternoon and it was quiet inside, lights dimmed and screen saver flashing on all of the workstations. Their team of producers and sound technicians had probably gotten bored and wandered off for lunch or their tenth cigarette break, and Seunghyun had half a mind to suggest the same when Jiyong sat down and started playing back a song they recorded earlier that week. It was not bad, but it wasn't exactly material which they could put on an album and sell either, so they had shelved it and moved on to something else then. He wasn't sure why Jiyong was working on something he had already decided to discard, but shrugged and started picking through some of the samples they prepared the day before.
The strange behaviour from the other man continued even after Teddy and Choice popped back into the studio, smelling of barbecued meat and hot sauce. He scowled at the two older men, his stomach gurgling in response, but unwilling to break for food when they had barely gotten started. Jiyong was fiddling with the controls non-stop, his gaze darting between Seunghyun, the recording booth, and their studio door as if he was anticipating someone to enter.
In that duration, Bom, Chaerin, Seungri, one of their female stylists and two of the backup dancers popped into the studio to ask Jiyong something, and Seunghyun watched with increasing levels of bemusement and alarm as the younger man jumped in surprise each time the studio door opened. He looked frightened, almost, and when their stylist had entered the room, Jiyong had chased her out almost immediately. Even Teddy and Choice had noticed Jiyong's strange behaviour, but Teddy just shrugged it off and Choice had given Seunghyun a knowing look instead. Which didn't help.
Things came to a point when Jiyong told them to stop the music, asked Seunghyun to get out of the recording booth, and started nitpicking on every single thing he did in the last five minutes. He watched the younger man ranting almost nervously for a while longer, not quite sure what was causing the distress, but decided enough was enough when Jiyong started on his singing technique.
"Wait, wait," Seunghyun began, holding up a hand and stopping the barrage of words from Jiyong. Teddy and Choice were watching the two of them with interested looks on their faces, and Seunghyun felt a flush of embarrassment that their two seniors had to witness this. "What are you talking about? Are you criticising my singing technique? Seriously?"
"No," Jiyong's reply was glib, his gaze still darting between Seunghyun and the door. "No, that wasn't what I said, I was just pointing out that you could have sang that part better-"
"Stop."
Jiyong snapped his mouth shut so quickly, the sound of his teeth meeting was an audible click in the quiet room.
"I don't know what's your problem today," Seunghyun began, picking up his wallet and cigarettes. "But I'm not going to stay here while you go off the rails. I'm going for a smoke, don't call me until you can start making sense again."
"Wait, hyung-"
He turned to go, and could hear the murmur of conversation starting up in the room as the door swung close behind himself, but Seunghyun didn't turn to check and most certainly wasn't interested to hear what Jiyong had to say then. There was something eating at him, but he wasn't willing to tell Seunghyun so that was it, really. He couldn't force the younger man to talk, but he didn't think he should put up with the abuse either. His singing technique, seriously? Jiyong must be going nuts to criticise him, the only member in their group who was not a singer, on his singing technique, what the fuck.
The rooftop was empty when he stepped out of the fire escape staircase, and he was glad for the solitude. There were other things on his mind that day, things which he thought he could push to the back of his head with what he needed to do, but his forced departure from the recording studio had left him bereft. It didn't take long for those same thoughts to start crowding their way to the front of his mind once more.
Who could Jiyong's other half possibly be? Who had they been meeting recently whose timer was counting down, and soon? It felt like their time was suddenly running out, and he had wanted the spend the day with Jiyong doing things which they both liked, which made the both of them happy, but the other was being an asshole and he wouldn't put up with it. Something must have happened yesterday or Jiyong wouldn't have behaved in this manner but the only significant event he could recall was Youngbae stumbling upon the two of them in their dorm's common area yesterday morning. He could hear the sounds of an argument from the bathroom but the two men had gone out together for dinner that night so he didn't think that was it, either.
"Hyung!"
Seunghyun turned just as Jiyong dashed onto the rooftop, glancing around quickly to take in their empty surroundings before he started undoing the leather bracelet on his left wrist.
"What." Seunghyun took another long draw from his cigarette just as the bracelet came away from Jiyong's wrist, trying not to pay attention to the timer. "What are you doing?"
Jiyong had never showed Seunghyun his timer, not even once, and he didn't think it would be a good time to start now.
"Seunghyun," Jiyong had walked near, but he barely noticed the slip in formalities because the younger man was holding up his left hand, and Seunghyun found his gaze drawn irresistibly to the other's timer. "Look."
Seunghyun's mouth went dry.
"I told you I won't regret it."
And their gazes met just as Jiyong's timer counted to zero.
fin.