fic: stay way cooler than the hand that lose that (part. 1)
stay way cooler than the hand that lose that (or the untold story of how brendon and ryan fell in love while trying to rescue william beckett from a vampire)
Brendon/Ryan; Travis/William; Jon/Spencer; various other pairings, R
~11, 000
AU, vampires, not so canon related, set around 2005-06, blunt ignorance for any relative time line.
Title from Cobra Starships’ ‘Kiss My Sass’. Please keep in mind that groups as a whole do not belong to a band, and no one knows who Gym Class Heroes are. Also: THIS FIC WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE THIS LONG. WTF?
OH AND IF VAN HELSING VAMPIRES CAN HAS SEX AND MAKE UGLY ASS BABIES, TRAVIE CAN HAS VAMPIRE SEX TOO.
The day William Beckett gets kidnapped by a vampire is the day Ryan and Keltie break up.
Brendon doesn’t know about the first until much later, but he’s right there when Ryan and Keltie call it quits. It starts out with subtle hisses and whispers Brendon’s not supposed to hear and then it explodes like a firecracker. There’s a lot of screaming and yelling and in the midst of it all, Keltie breaks Brendon’s Game Boy.
After Keltie storms out Brendon sits on the couch next to Ryan. It really isn’t his place to say anything, and he’s sort of afraid of the anger boiling under Ryan’s skin. Brendon saw this coming -- the ending of their relationship -- and mentally says I told you so.
Keltie is. Well, Keltie is a lot of words Brendon shouldn’t say and he remembers one time, he got completely smashed and said them. Ryan didn’t speak to him for a week until Brendon sucked it up and apologized and now, he’s hiding his grin behind his broken Game Boy.
“So,” Brendon says. “Which one of you is going to pay for my Game Boy?”
“Fuck you,” Ryan replies, but Brendon knows there’s no anger in it.
.
The day William Beckett gets kidnapped by a vampire is not a good day.
It’s one of those days when nothing fits properly, and William’s hair won’t stay tucked back behind his ear. Sisky broke his coffee pot last night, and William is without coffee, or alcohol.
He stays within the safety of his apartment for most of the day, only venturing out to take the trash out and let Millie do her business. It’s not a good day to say the least, and by 9PM, William starts to miss his coffee and his beer.
He leaves the apartment in all black; tight shirt and tight jeans even though it’s August. William’s shoulders hunch as he walks and he concentrates on trying to find the nearest liquor store or Starbucks. Both would be magical, actually.
What William doesn’t concentrate on is the fact that someone is stalking him from the shadows.
(Usually, William is a really observant person. It kind of goes along with being a writer. But, when William is deprived of coffee or alcohol, he tends to become a bit cynical and a little stupid. Right now, though, he hasn’t had any coffee or alcohol all day and he just doesn’t give a shit.)
When William is grabbed around the middle and forced into a dark alley, the first thing that comes to mind is shit, I won’t get my fucking coffee or liquor, and the second is oh shit. He gets pushed up against a stone wall and is met with shinning, pointy, teeth and a angular face.
“Hi,” his kidnapper says and William cocks his head to the side. “You’re coming with me.” The voice is a bit sexy, and William’s pretty sure he shouldn’t be thinking that about his kidnapper.
“Can we get some liquor first?” William asks and straightens his shoulders. The kidnapper laughs before he tightens his grip around William’s waist.
.
Brendon gets the first indication that William’s not okay when Mike gives him a call. It’s rare that Mike calls willingly.
“Have you seen Bill?” Mike asks.
“Uh, no.” Brendon replies and Mike hangs up. Brendon stares at his phone before going back to taking care of a love-sad Ryan Ross.
.
The second indication that William’s not okay is when William calls Brendon at 8PM. This is sort of weird too because William never calls and Brendon’s surprised he’s even coherent enough to use a phone at this time.
“Hello?” Brendon asks and he pokes Ryan in the thigh. Ryan has not left the couch in a long time and he’s starting to smell.
“Hey, Brendon,” William says and for someone who’s been missing for three days, he sounds completely fine. “So, I got this problem.”
“Problem?”
“Yeah, problem. Before you go all dipshit on me, hear me out, okay?” Ryan looks at Brendon questioningly and Brendon puts William on speakerphone.
“Well, a couple of. You put me on speakerphone, didn’t you?” Brendon whimpers because William does not sound happy. A unhappy William is a scary William. “Who else is there?”
Ryan makes a noise that could and could not be his name. His face is kind of squished into the couch cushion and his arm.
“I should have known,” William says and pauses. “Well, anyways. This problem. A couple of days ago I went out to get coffee and liquor and this vampire kidnapped me.”
Brendon blinks. “Vampire? You got kidnapped by a fucking vampire?”
“I’m not going to repeat myself.” William tuts on the phone and it sounds like he’s trying to push someone away. “Vampires are pretty damn cool, actually. They got me booze.” That explains why William doesn’t sound so bad.
“Booze?” Ryan asks. “The vampire who kidnapped you got you booze? What the fuck Bill?” William makes an irritated noise. “Hey, hold on one sec,” he says and Brendon shares a look over his phone with Ryan.
“Fucking booze,” Ryan mutters. He really needs to take a shower.
Over the line comes the sound of arguing and shouting and giggling. “Alright,” William finally says, “you’ve got a week to come rescue me before they kill me. Just ask around for Gym Class Heroes.” The phone goes dead before Brendon can say anything. He looks up at Ryan who looks down at the phone.
“I guess we better go rescue his drunk ass. I’ll be right back, I need a shower.” Brendon nods his head and continues to stare at his phone. Lightly he thinks that Ryan is getting over Keltie pretty fast.
.
When William stops talking to Brendon and Ryan, he hands the phone back over to Travis, the vampire who kidnapped him. Vampires are pretty damn cool, especially since Travis brought him liquor. He’d been scared shitless the first couple of hours, but after the booze was in his system, William was able to calm down a tremendous amount.
Travis grins at him, his teeth exposed and William runs his tongue over his own teeth. “Okay,” William says, “let me get this straight. They’ve got a week to come and get me before you kill me?” Travis shrugs his shoulders and nods his head. “Yeah,” he says. “Basically.”
“Oh,” William says and nods his head slowly. He’s been with Travis for three days -- well, nights -- and he doesn’t seem like the big, bad, mean vampire he tries to tell everyone he is. He’s a big teddy bear. William takes a swig of his whiskey and sits down on the small sofa they’ve given him.
William’s kept in a small apartment on the very top floor. The door is welded shut and the only way in or out is through one of the windows; it’s over a 100ft to the street below. He doesn’t exactly know how Brendon and Ryan are going to get him out, but with Brendon’s reckless stupidity and Ryan’s swell for the drama, he’s sure they’ll manage.
(The reason William called Brendon (and Ryan because there’s not one without the other) is because his other friends would just think he was wasted and the fact that he’s sure Sisky and the Butcher would take the whole week trying to put shit together to make some big team force to bust his ass out. Brendon and Ryan will just use luck, stupidity, and dramatic flare that might or might not involve some last minute thinking.)
Travis sits down next to him and it’s a tight fit, but William doesn’t care. He takes another swig of his whiskey. Travis has a fine taste in liquor for a man who can’t drink. “I got a question,” William says and Travis gives him all his attention. “Can you have sex when you’re a vampire, or is it all about having an orgasm while drinking?”
“We can have sex,” Travis says bluntly and William nods his head thoughtfully. “So, want to give it a try?” Travis asks and William tips his head back to drink the rest of his whiskey.
“I got nothing better to do.”
.
The first thing they do after Ryan takes a shower is go to the local diner and get dinner. They should be working on finding William, but William sounds fine and he’s probably going to be too piss-ass drunk to remember that he even called them tomorrow morning.
“Keltie and I used to get dinner here all the time,” Ryan mutters and pokes at his BLT. Brendon sighs and takes a sip of his diet coke. “Keltie is. Keltie is gone. You were too good for her, anyways.” Ryan gives Brendon a small smile and takes a bite of his sandwich. It’s really unfair that even though Keltie isn’t here, she still has the ability to ruin everything.
“She was ugly anyways,” Brendon continues. “You need to get away from the blonds. Date a brunette. They have brains.” Ryan’s smile broadens and Brendon takes a bite out of his pasta. “That’s not true,” Ryan says, “you’re a brunette.” Brendon flings a piece of pasta across the table.
The second thing they do, after they eat and Brendon pays for dinner, is actually start looking for William. They stop by all his favorite liquor stores and local Starbucks to see if anyone’s seen a vampire or William.
(“Fuck, Bren, you can’t ask if someone’s seen a vampire just like that,” Ryan says after they get kicked out the first liquor store. “Vampires aren’t exactly common.”)
They stop by the Starbucks on the corner across from William’s apartment. Brendon orders a Strawberries n’ Crème while Ryan goes around asking if anyone’s seen their lanky friend with someone suspicious looking.
“Uh, no,” Spencer says and Brendon remembers meeting him once. He’s supposed to be Ryan’s best friend or something, but their relationship is a little fucked up. They barely see each other but they’re closer then peanut butter and jelly. “William’s the one who looks like a girl, right?”
Brendon nods his head and sucks on his drink. “Yeah, you remember him Spencer, he thought your shoes were ugly,” Jon, the ‘Bucks employee counting Brendon’s money, says. Jon’s really cool. He gives Brendon a discount only because Brendon gives Jon as much information on Spencer as he possibly can. (And since Brendon’s like, Ryan’s other best friend he gets all that information out of Ryan. Jon’s been swooning over Spencer since forever and dammit, Brendon’s not loosing the bet to Tom about when Jon will finally ask Spencer out. If only Jon knew Spencer only comes to Starbucks not because he likes coffee, just because he likes a certain employee named Jon.)
Spencer narrows his eyes and then nods his head. “Yeah, I saw him a couple of nights ago with this guy. He had a lot of tattoos and really point teeth. I laughed.” Spencer fills in a word on his crossword puzzle and then looks back up at them. “Why?”
“He’s gone missing,” Ryan answers and Spencer smiles before it disappears. “Oh, that’s too bad.” Ryan sits down in the seat across from Spencer. “Ten down his hippo.” Spencer nods a thanks and Jon leans on the counter, watching Spencer.
“Did you see where they went?” Ryan asks and Spencer looks up at him through his bangs. “No, I only saw them quickly. But William looked happy.”
“The booze probably,” Jon says and Spencer smiles, just a little. “Tell me if you find him,” Jon says. “Mike’s been freaking out ever since he went missing.” Brendon finishes off his Strawberries n’ Crème and throws it in the trashcan.
.
Sex with a vampire is different.
William’s not sure if Travis’ dick is that big because of some freaky vampire shit or if it’s naturally that way. It doesn’t really matter, but it’s one of those things William ponders. He also ponders what other freaky vampire shit Travis has got. He sort of kind of wonders if Travis has that whole telepathic thing vampires tend to have, like reading his thoughts and shit like that.
William shouldn’t be thinking these things during sex.
.
The second day of trying to find William really consist of -- actually, nothing.
Vampires aren’t out during the day, so Brendon and Ryan come to the conclusion that William be a-ok. The day does consist of Brendon trying to keep Ryan’s mind off of Keltie. What started off as Operation Save William’s Stupid Ass turns into Operation Make Ryan Forget About Keltie.
Brendon spends the whole day taking Ryan to his favorite places. These places Ryan took Keltie of course, so Brendon’s plan doesn’t really work out. But he does skip out on buying the latest Pokemon game to buy Ryan the hat he’s been rambling on about for weeks. Brendon is sure Keltie would never make such a sacrifice.
Slowly Ryan stops looking at couples longingly and starts to enjoy himself. Brendon mentally cheers himself on because it’s obvious that he’s way better then Keltie ever could be. Everything crashes apart when they walk into Ryan’s favorite thrift store and Keltie’s there.
Once again everything goes off like a firecracker and Brendon’s left with a broken credit card. That bitch needs to stop breaking his shit.
William calls later that night, and it sounds like he’s chewing on something. “Did they give you gum?” Ryan asks after Brendon’s managed to coax him out of his hiding spot under the blankets.
“What’s wrong with them giving me gum?” William asks and Ryan rolls his eyes.
“Kidnappers aren’t supposed to give you the shit that you want,” Brendon explains quietly and William huffs. He smacks his gum and then sighs.
“Have you bitches been looking for me?” Brendon could tell the truth but with the look Ryan’s giving him, he decides not to. William will be pissed if he finds out that they haven’t been looking around. “We’ve been looking,” Brendon replies and Ryan stifles his laughter in his sleeve.
“Don’t lie to me,” William says and licks his lips. “Travis says you haven’t. He’s a vampire, he knows shit like that. You bitches better start looking for me, we’re dealing with vampires here.”
“I don’t think you’re in much danger if you’re calling him by his name,” Ryan says quietly and the dead silence that answers proves that William isn’t happy. “Can I not know the name of the man who kidnapped me? Jesus,” William replies.
“You fucked him, didn’t you? I didn’t know vampires could have sex.” Ryan sounds annoyed and Brendon bites the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. William says nothing for forever.
“Does it matter if I fucked him or not? Jesus, just get off of Brendon’s couch and come save me. Oh and can either one of you climb?” Brendon looks at Ryan and Ryan looks at Brendon. Brendon can climb a tree and Ryan would never ruin his flawless skin by climbing. “Uh, sort of,” Brendon says and William makes a thoughtful noise.
“Well I’m on - Hey! Fuck you Travie, give me the phone back you son of a -” The sound of a struggle comes over the line and Brendon can hear William’s whines in the background. Words like fuck you and suck my dick and fuck off Matt. “Hey,” a gruff voice says. “This is Travie. If you fuckers don’t give us the ransom money soon your boy’s gonna get it.”
Brendon blinks. “No one said anything about a ransom.”
Travis is quiet. “Really?” There is shuffles of clothes and then arguing. “Shit, Bill, what have you been talking to them about? I told you to tell them about the ransom.”
William snorts. “You took the phone before I could say anything about that, dickhead. Anyways, you’re vampires you don’t need money, you could go steal shit.”
“Stealing is wrong,” another voice says.
“Fuck,” William says. “Never mind about them being cool Bren, these guys are lame. Fucking pussies. You know what, we’re going out. I’m going to teach you guys how to steal shit. Fuck this.”
There is dead silence before Travis says anything. “We need 25,000 hard cash or William doesn’t walk out here alive.”
“I didn’t even walk in here!” William screams in the background. “You fuckers threw me through the window. Now, where the fuck is my jacket? Someone get my booze.”
“We’ll get your ransom,” Brendon says because Ryan’s too angry to say anything. The phone line goes dead and Brendon clicks his tongue. “So,” he says, “25,000.” Ryan nods his head.
“If you ask me,” he says. “William’s worth more like twenty-five cents.”
.
So, William convinces Travis to take him out of the apartment with a hand job. He works quickly while Travis sucks on his neck and then when it’s time to leave the apartment, he curls up in Travis’ arms for Travis to make the leap from the apartment to the street below.
Travis’ clan comes with them, and the clan consists of two crazy white guys named Eric and Matt and two mellow black guys named DeJesus and Disahsi. William likes them all a lot, and if the circumstances had been different, they would have made excellent drinking buddies. They’re all really cool guys, but they suck at being vampires, especially Travis.
As soon as Travis lands William is out of his arms. “I’ve never heard of a vampire not stealing shit. Aren’t you guys not supposed to have morals? Jesus Christ.” Travis watches William walk away and notices that William stumbles as he walks.
William manages to get a few feet away from Travis before Travis grabs his wrist. He gives Travis an offended look and Travis shrugs his shoulders. “You’re drunk, I don’t know what crazy shit you’ll do.”
“And stealing is wrong!” Eric chimes in as he hangs off of Matt.
(The thing is, Travis didn’t teach his clan members morals. Eric and Matt came with them and Disashi has always been humble. Someone - Eric - made the mistake of making DeJesus a vampire while he was high, so DeJesus just goes with the flow.)
“You guys suck,” William whines and pouts. Travis continues to hold onto his wrist.
“You weren’t saying that earlier,” Eric says.
“Actually, you were participating in some sucking yourself,” Matt adds in. William narrows his eyes at him and both Eric and Matt just grin right back.
“Lay off you two,” Travis says and directs William’s body in the direction of a liquor store. “Look, your natural habitat. Let’s go explore the dimensions of an alcoholic.”
“I’m not an alcoholic,” William mumbles. “I like to call myself a phenomenal drinker. There’s a difference.” Travis rolls his eyes and blows a raspberry against the back of William’s neck.
.
Since William apparently knows how hard they’ve been looking, Brendon and Ryan decide to do just that on the third day.
“He’s an asshole,” Spencer says when they’ve wondered back into the local Starbucks. Brendon needs caffeine. “I don’t know why you guys are looking for him. What did he ever do for you?”
“You don’t even like coffee,” Brendon mocks back. “I don’t know why you even come here.”
“You could always help us look for him,” Ryan buts in before Spencer bites back. “Six eyes are better then four.” Ryan gives Spencer his best grin and Spencer rolls his eyes. “I don’t like Beckett,” Spencer says quietly.
“Jon’s helping us!” Brendon declares and Jon chooses that particular moment to walk in with a slightly inebriated Tom following after him. Jon’s eyes automatically dart to Spencer. “You’re helping us look for Spencer, right Jon,” Brendon says and stabs Jon with his most serious look.
Jon frowns. “My shift’s just about to start.” Everyone, except for Jon, of course, notices how Spencer’s face falls.
“I’ll take over for you,” Tom says because dammit, he bet Brendon that they would be together by next Tuesday and by the way things are moving now, Tom owes Brendon a hundred bucks.
“You don’t even work here,” Jon says lamely but everyone, except Spencer, notices how little effort he’s putting into not letting Tom take over his shift. Tom shrugs his shoulders and takes Jon’s apron off its peg. “How hard can it be to make a cup of fucking coffee?”
Jon looks like he’s about to argue before he shuts his mouth. “Yeah, sure. Let’s find William.” Brendon claps his hands together before grabbing Ryan and pulling him out the Starbucks. Spencer follows relucentently and almost trips on his own feet. Jon finds this really, really, cute. Tom watches them go before he settles into his spot behind the counter. Seriously, how hard can it be to make a cup of coffee?
.
(Tom later finds out that it is really really hard to make a cup of Starbucks coffee. The only reason Jon doesn’t get fired is because Tom promises Mike, the manager, a romantic date out next Saturday. Candles and moonlight strolls and everything -- Tom emphasizes this with a signature Conrad smile.
Mike stumbles through a pathetic excuse for the reason why that won’t work until he finally says, “Yes. I mean no. Fuck, okay.” Tom shoots him another Conrad smile and Mike retreats back into his small office to figure out what the fuck is he going to wear.)
.
we got the dreamer’s disease
Brendon/Ryan; Travis/William; Jon/Spencer; various other pairings, R
~11, 000
AU, vampires, not so canon related, set around 2005-06, blunt ignorance for any relative time line.
Title from Cobra Starships’ ‘Kiss My Sass’. Please keep in mind that groups as a whole do not belong to a band, and no one knows who Gym Class Heroes are. Also: THIS FIC WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE THIS LONG. WTF?
OH AND IF VAN HELSING VAMPIRES CAN HAS SEX AND MAKE UGLY ASS BABIES, TRAVIE CAN HAS VAMPIRE SEX TOO.
The day William Beckett gets kidnapped by a vampire is the day Ryan and Keltie break up.
Brendon doesn’t know about the first until much later, but he’s right there when Ryan and Keltie call it quits. It starts out with subtle hisses and whispers Brendon’s not supposed to hear and then it explodes like a firecracker. There’s a lot of screaming and yelling and in the midst of it all, Keltie breaks Brendon’s Game Boy.
After Keltie storms out Brendon sits on the couch next to Ryan. It really isn’t his place to say anything, and he’s sort of afraid of the anger boiling under Ryan’s skin. Brendon saw this coming -- the ending of their relationship -- and mentally says I told you so.
Keltie is. Well, Keltie is a lot of words Brendon shouldn’t say and he remembers one time, he got completely smashed and said them. Ryan didn’t speak to him for a week until Brendon sucked it up and apologized and now, he’s hiding his grin behind his broken Game Boy.
“So,” Brendon says. “Which one of you is going to pay for my Game Boy?”
“Fuck you,” Ryan replies, but Brendon knows there’s no anger in it.
.
The day William Beckett gets kidnapped by a vampire is not a good day.
It’s one of those days when nothing fits properly, and William’s hair won’t stay tucked back behind his ear. Sisky broke his coffee pot last night, and William is without coffee, or alcohol.
He stays within the safety of his apartment for most of the day, only venturing out to take the trash out and let Millie do her business. It’s not a good day to say the least, and by 9PM, William starts to miss his coffee and his beer.
He leaves the apartment in all black; tight shirt and tight jeans even though it’s August. William’s shoulders hunch as he walks and he concentrates on trying to find the nearest liquor store or Starbucks. Both would be magical, actually.
What William doesn’t concentrate on is the fact that someone is stalking him from the shadows.
(Usually, William is a really observant person. It kind of goes along with being a writer. But, when William is deprived of coffee or alcohol, he tends to become a bit cynical and a little stupid. Right now, though, he hasn’t had any coffee or alcohol all day and he just doesn’t give a shit.)
When William is grabbed around the middle and forced into a dark alley, the first thing that comes to mind is shit, I won’t get my fucking coffee or liquor, and the second is oh shit. He gets pushed up against a stone wall and is met with shinning, pointy, teeth and a angular face.
“Hi,” his kidnapper says and William cocks his head to the side. “You’re coming with me.” The voice is a bit sexy, and William’s pretty sure he shouldn’t be thinking that about his kidnapper.
“Can we get some liquor first?” William asks and straightens his shoulders. The kidnapper laughs before he tightens his grip around William’s waist.
.
Brendon gets the first indication that William’s not okay when Mike gives him a call. It’s rare that Mike calls willingly.
“Have you seen Bill?” Mike asks.
“Uh, no.” Brendon replies and Mike hangs up. Brendon stares at his phone before going back to taking care of a love-sad Ryan Ross.
.
The second indication that William’s not okay is when William calls Brendon at 8PM. This is sort of weird too because William never calls and Brendon’s surprised he’s even coherent enough to use a phone at this time.
“Hello?” Brendon asks and he pokes Ryan in the thigh. Ryan has not left the couch in a long time and he’s starting to smell.
“Hey, Brendon,” William says and for someone who’s been missing for three days, he sounds completely fine. “So, I got this problem.”
“Problem?”
“Yeah, problem. Before you go all dipshit on me, hear me out, okay?” Ryan looks at Brendon questioningly and Brendon puts William on speakerphone.
“Well, a couple of. You put me on speakerphone, didn’t you?” Brendon whimpers because William does not sound happy. A unhappy William is a scary William. “Who else is there?”
Ryan makes a noise that could and could not be his name. His face is kind of squished into the couch cushion and his arm.
“I should have known,” William says and pauses. “Well, anyways. This problem. A couple of days ago I went out to get coffee and liquor and this vampire kidnapped me.”
Brendon blinks. “Vampire? You got kidnapped by a fucking vampire?”
“I’m not going to repeat myself.” William tuts on the phone and it sounds like he’s trying to push someone away. “Vampires are pretty damn cool, actually. They got me booze.” That explains why William doesn’t sound so bad.
“Booze?” Ryan asks. “The vampire who kidnapped you got you booze? What the fuck Bill?” William makes an irritated noise. “Hey, hold on one sec,” he says and Brendon shares a look over his phone with Ryan.
“Fucking booze,” Ryan mutters. He really needs to take a shower.
Over the line comes the sound of arguing and shouting and giggling. “Alright,” William finally says, “you’ve got a week to come rescue me before they kill me. Just ask around for Gym Class Heroes.” The phone goes dead before Brendon can say anything. He looks up at Ryan who looks down at the phone.
“I guess we better go rescue his drunk ass. I’ll be right back, I need a shower.” Brendon nods his head and continues to stare at his phone. Lightly he thinks that Ryan is getting over Keltie pretty fast.
.
When William stops talking to Brendon and Ryan, he hands the phone back over to Travis, the vampire who kidnapped him. Vampires are pretty damn cool, especially since Travis brought him liquor. He’d been scared shitless the first couple of hours, but after the booze was in his system, William was able to calm down a tremendous amount.
Travis grins at him, his teeth exposed and William runs his tongue over his own teeth. “Okay,” William says, “let me get this straight. They’ve got a week to come and get me before you kill me?” Travis shrugs his shoulders and nods his head. “Yeah,” he says. “Basically.”
“Oh,” William says and nods his head slowly. He’s been with Travis for three days -- well, nights -- and he doesn’t seem like the big, bad, mean vampire he tries to tell everyone he is. He’s a big teddy bear. William takes a swig of his whiskey and sits down on the small sofa they’ve given him.
William’s kept in a small apartment on the very top floor. The door is welded shut and the only way in or out is through one of the windows; it’s over a 100ft to the street below. He doesn’t exactly know how Brendon and Ryan are going to get him out, but with Brendon’s reckless stupidity and Ryan’s swell for the drama, he’s sure they’ll manage.
(The reason William called Brendon (and Ryan because there’s not one without the other) is because his other friends would just think he was wasted and the fact that he’s sure Sisky and the Butcher would take the whole week trying to put shit together to make some big team force to bust his ass out. Brendon and Ryan will just use luck, stupidity, and dramatic flare that might or might not involve some last minute thinking.)
Travis sits down next to him and it’s a tight fit, but William doesn’t care. He takes another swig of his whiskey. Travis has a fine taste in liquor for a man who can’t drink. “I got a question,” William says and Travis gives him all his attention. “Can you have sex when you’re a vampire, or is it all about having an orgasm while drinking?”
“We can have sex,” Travis says bluntly and William nods his head thoughtfully. “So, want to give it a try?” Travis asks and William tips his head back to drink the rest of his whiskey.
“I got nothing better to do.”
.
The first thing they do after Ryan takes a shower is go to the local diner and get dinner. They should be working on finding William, but William sounds fine and he’s probably going to be too piss-ass drunk to remember that he even called them tomorrow morning.
“Keltie and I used to get dinner here all the time,” Ryan mutters and pokes at his BLT. Brendon sighs and takes a sip of his diet coke. “Keltie is. Keltie is gone. You were too good for her, anyways.” Ryan gives Brendon a small smile and takes a bite of his sandwich. It’s really unfair that even though Keltie isn’t here, she still has the ability to ruin everything.
“She was ugly anyways,” Brendon continues. “You need to get away from the blonds. Date a brunette. They have brains.” Ryan’s smile broadens and Brendon takes a bite out of his pasta. “That’s not true,” Ryan says, “you’re a brunette.” Brendon flings a piece of pasta across the table.
The second thing they do, after they eat and Brendon pays for dinner, is actually start looking for William. They stop by all his favorite liquor stores and local Starbucks to see if anyone’s seen a vampire or William.
(“Fuck, Bren, you can’t ask if someone’s seen a vampire just like that,” Ryan says after they get kicked out the first liquor store. “Vampires aren’t exactly common.”)
They stop by the Starbucks on the corner across from William’s apartment. Brendon orders a Strawberries n’ Crème while Ryan goes around asking if anyone’s seen their lanky friend with someone suspicious looking.
“Uh, no,” Spencer says and Brendon remembers meeting him once. He’s supposed to be Ryan’s best friend or something, but their relationship is a little fucked up. They barely see each other but they’re closer then peanut butter and jelly. “William’s the one who looks like a girl, right?”
Brendon nods his head and sucks on his drink. “Yeah, you remember him Spencer, he thought your shoes were ugly,” Jon, the ‘Bucks employee counting Brendon’s money, says. Jon’s really cool. He gives Brendon a discount only because Brendon gives Jon as much information on Spencer as he possibly can. (And since Brendon’s like, Ryan’s other best friend he gets all that information out of Ryan. Jon’s been swooning over Spencer since forever and dammit, Brendon’s not loosing the bet to Tom about when Jon will finally ask Spencer out. If only Jon knew Spencer only comes to Starbucks not because he likes coffee, just because he likes a certain employee named Jon.)
Spencer narrows his eyes and then nods his head. “Yeah, I saw him a couple of nights ago with this guy. He had a lot of tattoos and really point teeth. I laughed.” Spencer fills in a word on his crossword puzzle and then looks back up at them. “Why?”
“He’s gone missing,” Ryan answers and Spencer smiles before it disappears. “Oh, that’s too bad.” Ryan sits down in the seat across from Spencer. “Ten down his hippo.” Spencer nods a thanks and Jon leans on the counter, watching Spencer.
“Did you see where they went?” Ryan asks and Spencer looks up at him through his bangs. “No, I only saw them quickly. But William looked happy.”
“The booze probably,” Jon says and Spencer smiles, just a little. “Tell me if you find him,” Jon says. “Mike’s been freaking out ever since he went missing.” Brendon finishes off his Strawberries n’ Crème and throws it in the trashcan.
.
Sex with a vampire is different.
William’s not sure if Travis’ dick is that big because of some freaky vampire shit or if it’s naturally that way. It doesn’t really matter, but it’s one of those things William ponders. He also ponders what other freaky vampire shit Travis has got. He sort of kind of wonders if Travis has that whole telepathic thing vampires tend to have, like reading his thoughts and shit like that.
William shouldn’t be thinking these things during sex.
.
The second day of trying to find William really consist of -- actually, nothing.
Vampires aren’t out during the day, so Brendon and Ryan come to the conclusion that William be a-ok. The day does consist of Brendon trying to keep Ryan’s mind off of Keltie. What started off as Operation Save William’s Stupid Ass turns into Operation Make Ryan Forget About Keltie.
Brendon spends the whole day taking Ryan to his favorite places. These places Ryan took Keltie of course, so Brendon’s plan doesn’t really work out. But he does skip out on buying the latest Pokemon game to buy Ryan the hat he’s been rambling on about for weeks. Brendon is sure Keltie would never make such a sacrifice.
Slowly Ryan stops looking at couples longingly and starts to enjoy himself. Brendon mentally cheers himself on because it’s obvious that he’s way better then Keltie ever could be. Everything crashes apart when they walk into Ryan’s favorite thrift store and Keltie’s there.
Once again everything goes off like a firecracker and Brendon’s left with a broken credit card. That bitch needs to stop breaking his shit.
William calls later that night, and it sounds like he’s chewing on something. “Did they give you gum?” Ryan asks after Brendon’s managed to coax him out of his hiding spot under the blankets.
“What’s wrong with them giving me gum?” William asks and Ryan rolls his eyes.
“Kidnappers aren’t supposed to give you the shit that you want,” Brendon explains quietly and William huffs. He smacks his gum and then sighs.
“Have you bitches been looking for me?” Brendon could tell the truth but with the look Ryan’s giving him, he decides not to. William will be pissed if he finds out that they haven’t been looking around. “We’ve been looking,” Brendon replies and Ryan stifles his laughter in his sleeve.
“Don’t lie to me,” William says and licks his lips. “Travis says you haven’t. He’s a vampire, he knows shit like that. You bitches better start looking for me, we’re dealing with vampires here.”
“I don’t think you’re in much danger if you’re calling him by his name,” Ryan says quietly and the dead silence that answers proves that William isn’t happy. “Can I not know the name of the man who kidnapped me? Jesus,” William replies.
“You fucked him, didn’t you? I didn’t know vampires could have sex.” Ryan sounds annoyed and Brendon bites the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. William says nothing for forever.
“Does it matter if I fucked him or not? Jesus, just get off of Brendon’s couch and come save me. Oh and can either one of you climb?” Brendon looks at Ryan and Ryan looks at Brendon. Brendon can climb a tree and Ryan would never ruin his flawless skin by climbing. “Uh, sort of,” Brendon says and William makes a thoughtful noise.
“Well I’m on - Hey! Fuck you Travie, give me the phone back you son of a -” The sound of a struggle comes over the line and Brendon can hear William’s whines in the background. Words like fuck you and suck my dick and fuck off Matt. “Hey,” a gruff voice says. “This is Travie. If you fuckers don’t give us the ransom money soon your boy’s gonna get it.”
Brendon blinks. “No one said anything about a ransom.”
Travis is quiet. “Really?” There is shuffles of clothes and then arguing. “Shit, Bill, what have you been talking to them about? I told you to tell them about the ransom.”
William snorts. “You took the phone before I could say anything about that, dickhead. Anyways, you’re vampires you don’t need money, you could go steal shit.”
“Stealing is wrong,” another voice says.
“Fuck,” William says. “Never mind about them being cool Bren, these guys are lame. Fucking pussies. You know what, we’re going out. I’m going to teach you guys how to steal shit. Fuck this.”
There is dead silence before Travis says anything. “We need 25,000 hard cash or William doesn’t walk out here alive.”
“I didn’t even walk in here!” William screams in the background. “You fuckers threw me through the window. Now, where the fuck is my jacket? Someone get my booze.”
“We’ll get your ransom,” Brendon says because Ryan’s too angry to say anything. The phone line goes dead and Brendon clicks his tongue. “So,” he says, “25,000.” Ryan nods his head.
“If you ask me,” he says. “William’s worth more like twenty-five cents.”
.
So, William convinces Travis to take him out of the apartment with a hand job. He works quickly while Travis sucks on his neck and then when it’s time to leave the apartment, he curls up in Travis’ arms for Travis to make the leap from the apartment to the street below.
Travis’ clan comes with them, and the clan consists of two crazy white guys named Eric and Matt and two mellow black guys named DeJesus and Disahsi. William likes them all a lot, and if the circumstances had been different, they would have made excellent drinking buddies. They’re all really cool guys, but they suck at being vampires, especially Travis.
As soon as Travis lands William is out of his arms. “I’ve never heard of a vampire not stealing shit. Aren’t you guys not supposed to have morals? Jesus Christ.” Travis watches William walk away and notices that William stumbles as he walks.
William manages to get a few feet away from Travis before Travis grabs his wrist. He gives Travis an offended look and Travis shrugs his shoulders. “You’re drunk, I don’t know what crazy shit you’ll do.”
“And stealing is wrong!” Eric chimes in as he hangs off of Matt.
(The thing is, Travis didn’t teach his clan members morals. Eric and Matt came with them and Disashi has always been humble. Someone - Eric - made the mistake of making DeJesus a vampire while he was high, so DeJesus just goes with the flow.)
“You guys suck,” William whines and pouts. Travis continues to hold onto his wrist.
“You weren’t saying that earlier,” Eric says.
“Actually, you were participating in some sucking yourself,” Matt adds in. William narrows his eyes at him and both Eric and Matt just grin right back.
“Lay off you two,” Travis says and directs William’s body in the direction of a liquor store. “Look, your natural habitat. Let’s go explore the dimensions of an alcoholic.”
“I’m not an alcoholic,” William mumbles. “I like to call myself a phenomenal drinker. There’s a difference.” Travis rolls his eyes and blows a raspberry against the back of William’s neck.
.
Since William apparently knows how hard they’ve been looking, Brendon and Ryan decide to do just that on the third day.
“He’s an asshole,” Spencer says when they’ve wondered back into the local Starbucks. Brendon needs caffeine. “I don’t know why you guys are looking for him. What did he ever do for you?”
“You don’t even like coffee,” Brendon mocks back. “I don’t know why you even come here.”
“You could always help us look for him,” Ryan buts in before Spencer bites back. “Six eyes are better then four.” Ryan gives Spencer his best grin and Spencer rolls his eyes. “I don’t like Beckett,” Spencer says quietly.
“Jon’s helping us!” Brendon declares and Jon chooses that particular moment to walk in with a slightly inebriated Tom following after him. Jon’s eyes automatically dart to Spencer. “You’re helping us look for Spencer, right Jon,” Brendon says and stabs Jon with his most serious look.
Jon frowns. “My shift’s just about to start.” Everyone, except for Jon, of course, notices how Spencer’s face falls.
“I’ll take over for you,” Tom says because dammit, he bet Brendon that they would be together by next Tuesday and by the way things are moving now, Tom owes Brendon a hundred bucks.
“You don’t even work here,” Jon says lamely but everyone, except Spencer, notices how little effort he’s putting into not letting Tom take over his shift. Tom shrugs his shoulders and takes Jon’s apron off its peg. “How hard can it be to make a cup of fucking coffee?”
Jon looks like he’s about to argue before he shuts his mouth. “Yeah, sure. Let’s find William.” Brendon claps his hands together before grabbing Ryan and pulling him out the Starbucks. Spencer follows relucentently and almost trips on his own feet. Jon finds this really, really, cute. Tom watches them go before he settles into his spot behind the counter. Seriously, how hard can it be to make a cup of coffee?
.
(Tom later finds out that it is really really hard to make a cup of Starbucks coffee. The only reason Jon doesn’t get fired is because Tom promises Mike, the manager, a romantic date out next Saturday. Candles and moonlight strolls and everything -- Tom emphasizes this with a signature Conrad smile.
Mike stumbles through a pathetic excuse for the reason why that won’t work until he finally says, “Yes. I mean no. Fuck, okay.” Tom shoots him another Conrad smile and Mike retreats back into his small office to figure out what the fuck is he going to wear.)
.
we got the dreamer’s disease