[fic]"Do Not Wish To Be Rare Like Jade" 1/1 (Lily/Narcissa)

[garnettrees]

First story I've managed to write since I started classes again! There is a God after all. *dances*

Comments

[forever__rain]

wow, i really liked this, your a very good writer. I love that lilly gave narcissa a doll, it just seems...so lilly i guess.

[garnettrees]

Thank you so much for your kind comments! I'm glad the doll seemed in character with Lily-- I love her so much, even though we don't see a lot of her in the series.
-Meredith

[irishphoenix711]

*jawdrop*

Wow - I love it.

Glowing praise aside, you have some errors such as missing words and capitalisation, just the little mistakes we make when writing a masterpiece ;). Though more importantly you have areas that require paragraph formatting, so to make the flow easier on the reader.

Other than that technical nonsense, your words and narration are simply beautiful, and I love the dynamic you've written. It is Lily/Narcissa... reading it is like having a longing-ache that I can't rid myself of. This is why I love N/L, and I love you for capturing it.

The boy's eyes were closed, but hers, hers were open, and their green piercing Narcissa despite the distance, as if to say, "Don't worry-- I may not wish it, but I'm yours, I promise." Such a sad, voiceless tone-- but then, Lily would not say such a thing, because she didn't understand love as ownership, as a hand clutching around your heart. I just love that. I can see Lily's eyes, and her face, so clearly in my mind. You don't need the physical description for provide the

[garnettrees]

I can't thank you enough for your kind comments and helpful pointers, Irish. I'll try and fix the paragraphing and typos before I post this to my website-- thanks for calling my attention to them.

I'm glad this dynamic makes sense to you. I don't know why I'm so drawn to this pairing, but it really does it for me, because it's beautiful and twisted, and because it hurts. I can't explain it any other way.

Your feedback really made my day. I have another L/N I'm working on, but it may take ages, just as this one did. In the meantime, I do have one other finished piece, Through the Gates, which you can find here.

[irishphoenix711]

Oh, wow.

I read it.

Brilliant.

More coherent thoughts later, *promise*.

[minttown1]

I really, really enjoyed this. The use of color in so much of the description is very nice, very effective at helping to create a picture. The scene in the opening feels so real, and I love the final exchange of words.

[garnettrees]

I'm so glad you liked it, Amber! I didn't realize it until you pointed it out, but there is a lot of color in this piece, isn't there? I always seen the HP 'verse in glorious color, for some reason. *hugs* Thanks for the feedback!
-Meredith