Peter Petrelli Characterization Questionnaire
A while back, I checked out a comm called cult_of_rp and stumbled on this characterization questionnaire: http://skitten.best.vwh.net/100questions.html. I was at that point embarking on More Between Us Than A Wall and thought filling it out might help me cement the character of Peter Petrelli in my head. So I did. This is not a fic, per se, but supposed to be what the character would say if they were being completely, totally honest with themselves, and with the writer they have chosen to be the muse for.
For setting, it might be useful to know this is being written from Peter's point of view of being trapped in the Wall Verse for about a week now.
My many thanks and acknowledgement to jackvelvet for inspiration on some of Peter's misspent youth. I've pulled from different stories of his. You can find the original stories here: jackvelvet.livejournal.com/20076.html#heroes, particularly To Err is Bear, Say a Little Swear for Me, and Peter was a Punk Rocker.
Also, thanks to GoldSeven for use of her original characters Jackson, Hannah and others from her paramedfic series.
Personal Questions
1. What is your real, birth name? What name do you use? Peter Petrelli, honest to God, no middle name. And that's the name I use. However, my confirmation name is Peter Thaddaeus (patron saint of desperate/hopeless cases) Petrelli.
2. Do you have a nickname? What is it, and where did you get it? Pete. Only my brother and father called me that. My mother called me Petey when I was a little boy and sometimes Nathan did too. I asked them to quit calling me that when I was 10 or 11. I thought it was embarrassing - a little kid's name. Ma's called me Peter ever since. Nathan went to calling me Pete, which is what Dad usually called me anyway, when he was happy with me.
3. What do you look like? (Include height, weight, hair, eyes, skin, apparent age, and distinguishing features) 5' 10", 170 lbs, brown hair, brown/hazel eyes, skin pale/Caucasian with a very slight olive/Mediterranean tone, apparent age 30ish. Hair is usually worn long in front, short in back. I like it that way, though if I'm really stressed I'll get it all cut short so I don't have to mess with it. The left bottom side of my lip is paralyzed from a bicycle accident I had when I was 5 or 6. I don't remember it.
4. How do you dress most of the time? Casual if I can get away with it. Layers are good, but I don't like bulky. I go for mild colors, sedate stuff. I don't want to stand out on first glance. I don't go around trying to attract attention like Nathan did. I'd rather be known for what I did than what I looked like.
5. How do you "dress up?" Brooks Brothers suits. Black, simple. I have two. They're tailored to me, though I've gained a little in the chest and across the shoulders since I got them. One has some grey pin-striping on it. I almost never wear either of them.
6. How do you "dress down?" T-shirt, jeans, sandals. I can usually only get away with that in the summer. Maybe cargo shorts.
7. What do you wear when you go to sleep? Loose boxer shorts. Which is a little weird because I don't like to wear boxer shorts under my pants. Under pants or jeans I'll go with briefs or boxer briefs.
8. Do you wear any jewelry? I have a Seiko watch that my mother gave to me for my 28th birthday and a necklace Rene gave to me. It's a symbol of the Company, and apparently a lot of other things. It reminds me of Caitlin and the responsibility that comes with abilities. The watch just sort of showed up out of the blue. I wasn't even really talking to my mom at that point, but it was a nice gesture. And I'd lost my old watch, so.
9. In your opinion, what is your best feature? My eyes or my hair get the most comments, so I suppose that's it. I like my hair a lot. That sounds kind of stupid and self-absorbed, I know.
10. What's your real birth date? December 23, 1978. Unlike most people I know with a birthday right on top of Christmas, my family always got me separate gifts and I never felt like I got "less" because my birthday was two days before Christmas. On the other hand, I didn't get anything for the rest of the year, so it was sort of feast or famine. I didn't go without though - not a big deal.
11. Where do you live? Describe it: Is it messy, neat, avant-garde, sparse, etc.? My current apartment has too much stuff in it and I don't know why, but that's really bugging me. It's all "Sylar's stuff" and I want it out. One of these days I'm going to stuff it all in the neighboring apartments. I don't know why I want the place emptier, but I do. Ever since I lost everything I had at the Company, I've been real "stuff averse." My real apartment is fairly empty and I like it that way. I'm not a neat freak, but it's hard to be messy when you don't have enough to make a mess with.
12. Do you own a car? Describe it. Nope. Never have. I know how to drive though. I used to own a bicycle. It was a nice one. It left when everything else I owned disappeared.
13. What is your most prized mundane possession? Why do you value it so much? My shoes. A good pair of shoes helps enormously. I try not to get too attached to things anymore. My mom still has some of my old stuff in my room at the house. I have a baseball that Nathan got me for a game I went to with him. It was signed by the Yankee's Batting champ Paul O'Niell, .359 in 1994. Things were simpler then.
14. What one word best describes you? I'm trying to be a hero, emphasis on the 'trying' part. So, you know, if I had to pick one word, I think I'd pick 'striving.' It sounds a little cooler than 'trying.'
Familial Questions
1. What was your family like? Oh God, they're … well. Everyone thinks their family is crazy and weird. I'm no exception. I'd say that we're also a very serious bunch and I wouldn't say that to mean that we didn't have our moments of humor, but that … you know, it's not all families where your mother tries to kill you and your father, your brother tries to get you locked up forever, you almost blow your brother up and a future version of you shoots him, then you really do murder a future version of him. It's … yeah. Complicated. But back before I knew about abilities, my parents did a really good job of seeming very normal, at least as far as a rich lawyer with mob ties and his socialite wife, with two picture perfect sons went. We were upper class and our name meant a lot. It still does, but now I have a better idea as to why. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Most of the time it bothers me.
2. Who was your father, and what was he like? Arthur Petrelli. He was a bastard. He was tough. He'd been through a lot, seen a lot. I've only recently begun to consider what it must have done to him to go through the war and then the decades of working for the Company, leading it, dealing with people with abilities. That had to be so unpredictable and stressful. Considering his own abilities, I think he did a really good job as a father. I know you probably wouldn't expect to hear that from me, but really. I don't think I could be a good dad like this. He had a family, he kept a stable home and a regular social circle. He gave us a normal life. That must have been really hard. Now he was also really hard on us … or, well, me. He doted on Nathan - everyone did. I got the other end of the stick.
3. Who was your mother, and what was she like? Angela Petrelli, maiden name Shaw. She's a lot nicer than she lets on. I mean, you see her across a room and you think she's elegant, aloof and maybe even mean. She's not. It's tough, even for me, to see past what she's done but she's just a normal, scared human being underneath. She knows more than most and she knows more than she wants to. I love her. I hate her, too, but I also still love her. I can't get past what she's done and the thing with Nathan was the last straw. I can't cope with that, so most of the time lately when I'm around her I just pretend it didn't happen.
4. What was your parent's marriage like? Were they married? Did they remain married? They were always married. We're Catholic. They argued from time to time, but usually only in private. I'd see them angry, but they wouldn't talk about what was going on between them. I think that was better. I think also they were probably arguing about the Company and abilities and things they didn't want us to know. So many things with Linderman and the Bishops and stuff - I look back on it and the whole ability thing casts everything in a different light.
5. What were your sibling's names? What were they like? Nathan's the only one I know. He was 12 years older than I was. He died last year fighting Sylar.
6. What's the worst thing one of your siblings ever did to you? What's the worst thing you've done to one of your siblings? Worst thing Nathan did to me was betray me to Homeland Security. Most humiliating was to tell everyone I'd tried to commit suicide as part of his campaign strategy. Worst thing I've done to him was kill him - a future version of him. Before all of that, though, worst thing Nathan ever did to me was a little blackmail and lying. That was normal stuff and it was usually trivial. For anything really important, we were always there for each other. Worst thing I did to him was ruin his chances with Yvette Lawson. He was 18 I think. I must have been six. Ma and Dad were gone and he was just there at the house alone, supposed to be watching me. He and Yvette were trying to make out in the living room and I didn't like being excluded. Nathan gave me a bunch of candy to leave them alone. I ate it all, got really sick, came out and interrupted them - I'm not sure how far along they were - and I threw up on Yvette.
7. When's the last time you saw any member of your family? Where are they now? Last time I saw Ma was a week ago or so, relative. Probably yesterday real time.
8. Did you ever meet any other family members? Who were they? What did you think of them? I have an uncle Tim and his wife Cheryl, maiden name Bielli. They've got kids. And then there's a handful of others around New York. We didn't interact with them very much as I grew up because only my dad had made it big financially. I used to think that was all mob blood-money. Now I know better. Still blood-money, just not the mob.
Childhood Questions
1. What is your first memory? God, I don't know. I think it must be from when I got stung by all those bees. I remember real clear that I'd decided the bees were thirsty. I had a can of water and a stick. I was dipping the stick in the water, then putting drops on the little ledge in front of the opening in the beehive. The bees were coming out and of course attacking the stick, but I thought they were just desperate for the water, so I started shaking them off and putting more water on there, until pretty soon there was a bunch of them flying around. I remember even getting stung once or twice and thinking they were just confused. I'm told I swelled up real bad and had to go to the hospital for shots, but I don't remember that part.
2. What was your favorite toy? My baseball, bat and glove. I remember Nathan would throw to me whenever he'd come home, when I was a kid. When he wasn't there, it was Mister Bear. I slept with that thing way too long. He's still in my bedroom at the house. My mother's house, that is, which I'm really glad of or else I'd have lost him forever.
3. What was your favorite game? Besides baseball? Ha. Scrabble. I was never very good at it, but I'd play it with Ma and we'd have these really nice little chats. It wasn't about the game. We'd talk about words and people and gossip. I hated chess. My dad loved chess. So did Nathan. They'd always beat me, always gloat, or they'd try to show me how to play better and I didn't want to know how to play better. I wanted to have a good time. If it took a lot of work to 'play', then it's not playing.
4. Any non-family member adults stick out in your mind? Who were they, and how did you know them? Why do they stick out? My parents had a lot of really weird friends. I understand now why. Two stand out: Bob Bishop. Creepy as fuck. Daniel Linderman. Oh boy. He came over to me at one of dad's parties, where dad was trying to get me to continue pre-law. Mr. Linderman had always struck me as the sort of person who … I don't know, a sadist. A true sadist. He'd been a medic during the war and whenever anyone was hurt, he was always there showing an interest - a little too much interest. Honestly I thought I was sort of pulling one over on him by taking his money and using it for nursing school. I thought someone needed to be a decent nurse and not some … whatever he was.
5. Who was your best friend when you were growing up? Jay Smith (Jason, but no one ever called him that) and Bretty Brett. Jimmy Dow was a good friend too, but he moved when I was 12. Jay and Bretty Brett were in a garage band back in high school with me and Dan Ryder. It was called "Pouncing Tiger, Hidden Flagon." Kind of stupid, yeah, but we were teenagers.
6. What is your fondest childhood memory? Sitting in mom's lap when she read me Christmas stories. I know I've mentioned her several times now, but I really didn't get much time with her. When I did, it was always special.
7. What is your worst childhood memory? Learning curse words from Jay Smith in school and calling my mom a 'dumb bitch' and a 'gaping cunt' because she told me to clean up my room. I literally did not know what I was saying, or how awful that was. It really hurt her feelings and that's what cut me to the quick. When I got older and I really understood, it sunk in to me how bad that was to say.
Adolescent Questions
1. How old were you when you went on your first date? Um, 16. My mom started fixing me up right away with the daughters of other people in her social circle. The dates were totally awkward, too. I was so much shorter than the girls and none of them were into me, at all. My mom coached me on how to act and what to do and say. It was actually really helpful, but every time I was with the girls, all I could think of was my mom.
2. It is common for one's view of authority to develop in their adolescent years. What is your view of authority, and what event most affected it? I hated it. And that came almost entirely from my father. He'd tell me what to do, I'd do it, and then I'd hate him, or myself for doing it. I fought with him constantly when I got older, and I mean like 15 to 25. Most of the time we could hardly stand to be in the same room together.
3. What were you like in high school? What "clique" did you best fit in with? I kind of floated around a lot, but I ended up with the outcasts the most.
4. What were your high school goals? I knew what I'd been told I was going to do with my life. I was going to become a lawyer. I didn't want to be. I thought in my free time I could do music or poetry or philosophy or something. I didn't have a whole bunch of altruistic thoughts back then. Once I got in college, I started seeing all these social causes I could get involved in.
5. Who was your idol when you were growing up? Who did you first fantasize about in your life? Wow, those are way different questions. Why are those together? I idolized Michael Jackson for a while, which is pretty sick and pathetic now. He wasn't quite so much of a freak back then, or at least I didn't know about it. I thought he was touring the world helping people, putting on charity concerts and bringing attention to causes. I thought that was awesome. And of course there were heroes on TV and comic books and stuff. Anyone making a difference was a big deal to me. I wanted to be powerful so I could reach out and help people. As for who I first fantasized about … whoa. Um… Johnny Depp and Wynona Ryder. Yeah, both of them. Then there was Marisa Tomei. I've always liked brown hair, brown eyes.
6. What is your favorite memory from adolescence? Nathan coming home early from whatever military assignment he was on so he could be there for my birthday. I think I was early teen. I was old enough to know where he was and understand why he couldn't make it, young enough to really miss him anyway. And because of both of those, I was so thrilled when he showed up. It was better than Santa.
7. What is your worst memory from adolescence? Losing my dog, Jasper. We always had a dog around the house and I got really attached to them. Jasper, was a sort of German Shepherd type. He died of old age. I was so upset. They adopted a dog for Christmas that year, a big black hairy lab mutt we called Jinx. She was sweet, but even though she'd been given to me specifically, she was never "my" dog the way Jasper was. I always felt like they were trying to replace Jasper with Jinx and maybe I didn't give her a good chance because of that. I went out the next year and bought Sassy, a spunky little terrier I liked a lot. Then there was Izzie, but that was like my mom's dog, a spaniel. He lived for-freaking-ever. I think he was around twenty years old when he finally died. I know I was in college.
Occupational Questions
1. Do you have a job? What is it? Do you like it? If no job, where does your money come from? Yeah, I have a job. I work as a paramedic. Since I'm licensed and certified and everything, and they're always desperate for 'meat in the seat', as they say, they keep hiring me back even with my crappy attendance record. I like it a lot, as a job. I love what I do. I'd do it for free, you know, if that wouldn't attract so much attention.
2. What is your boss or employer like? (Or publisher, or agent, or whatever.) Jackson is the field supervisor. He's usually stressed out and demanding, but he's a good guy inside. He just wants to get the best job done that he can. He's chewed me out really bad more than once for ditching without notice, but he gets over it. When it comes to practice - medical practice - he's a good teacher, he's patient, and he works with you. He's understanding. He knows mistakes happen, but as long as he thinks you'll learn from it and get better, he's okay.
3. What are your co-workers like? Do you get along with them? Any in particular? Which ones don't you get along with? I like being partnered with Hesam, but I let him down a lot. There's a plus and minus to sticking with the same partner. On the one hand, if I'm with the same person, I get to know them and their pattern and we get good together. But then they try to get to know me, and I can't tell them. Hardly anything. Yeah, I'm related to that guy on TV. Yeah, I'm from a rich family. Yeah, I have super-powers. Ha. No, that last doesn't work really well. I admit what I have to and avoid the rest. I can't talk to them about who I really am and that really, really bothers me. I'm cut off from them. If there's one person at work I don't get along with really well, that's Hanna. She's always gossiping and asking questions. She knows I have dirt and she's always digging for it. It bothers me.
4. What is something you had to learn that you hated? I had to learn to respect 'Do Not Resuscitate' orders. And I had to learn to stand back and let the police take people away sometimes. And to respect 'Refused treatment' requests. There's a protocol, sometimes, that you have to observe, like calling for permission to administer certain levels of painkillers. I wouldn't say I 'hate' that last one, but it's annoying. I've learned that sometimes you have to let the system work even when the system is broken. I hate that.
5. Do you tend to save or spend your money? Why? I guess I save it. I don't spend very much because I don't buy very much or do very much. I have plenty to pay my bills. The rest just sits in the account. I ought to donate it to something worthwhile, but I keep thinking maybe I should save it up for a cause that's right, and that I'll know what that is when it comes by. It's silly in a way, because I have plenty of money in a trust fund I've never tapped. It was my dad's money. I suppose since he's dead, I should do something with it.
Likes & Dislikes Questions
1. What hobbies do you have? I work out. I work extra shifts. I listen to the police scanner. I do research on people with abilities.
2. Who is your closest mundane friend? Describe them and how you relate to them. Probably Hesam. He really is my friend, or tries to be. Every now and then he manages to drag me out to Houlihan's to socialize. He's trying to look after me and that's … nice.
3. Who is your worst mundane enemy? Describe them and why you don't get along. I think I'd say Hanna. I mentioned her earlier. She gossips. If she can't find any dirt on someone, she makes it up. She found out about my supposed 'suicide attempt' a while back and spread that around. I didn't appreciate that.
4. What bands do you like? Do you even pay attention? Oh, I paid attention, but my tastes have changed over the years. I remember I thought The Clash, Blondie, The Replacements, The Ramones, Sex Pistols - I thought they were awesome. Now I hear their songs and think, 'wow, I used to think they were awesome.' So I'm not so sure anymore. Weirdly I find myself liking the sound of classic rock more and more. My mom and dad used to listen to it a lot and when I'd practice at home, Ma would only let me play that stuff, and any of her other favorites. I thought they were okay then, but recently I've liked them better. Maybe just nostalgia.
5. What tape or CD hasn't left your player since you purchased it? Why? Don't have a player, don't listen anymore.
6. What song is "your song?" Why? God, introspective much? Maybe Right Here, Right Now by Jesus Jones. Or It's My Life by Bon Jovi; Fly by Hilary Duff. Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park? I don't know. None of those seem to have the energy and kind of 'in your face' quality I think I'd want in 'my' song, but the sentiment is right.
7. What's been your favorite movie of all time? Superman movies were always cheesy, but I liked them. Gladiator was good. Die Hard - the first one. Terminator 2. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. The Indiana Jones series was awesome and I loved Star Wars too, mainly the old ones.
8. Read any good books? What were they? I read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. I read Activating Evolution by Chandra Suresh. I've read a good dozen books about the New York Fire Department policies and practices, along with some 9/11 rescue stories, that sort of thing.
9. What do you watch on television? I don't have one. But when I catch something in the break room at work, I go for action/adventure movies.
10. When it comes to mundane politics, do you care? If so, which way do you tend to vote? If not, why don't you care? I care. I used to care a lot. Now I just keep my head down, try to help people I can reach, and vote the best I can figure out how to do. Nathan's campaign taught me a lot about who gets elected and why. I'm not going to try to change the system. That's not my style. Or really, even my place. I'm just one guy. Everyone else gets a say too.
11. What type of places do you hang out in with your mundane friends? Restaurants, coffee shops, clubs where you can hear what people are saying. Five or ten years ago I was really into the happening places, meeting a lot of people, hooking up and stuff. Not anymore.
12. What type of places do you hang out in with your normal friends? I don't 'hang out' with anyone who has abilities.
13. What annoys you more than anything else? Cruelty, sadism. People feeling they're better than other people for whatever reason - wealth, military service, gender, orientation, religion, etc.
14. What would be the perfect gift for you? I … I really don't know. Someone's time, maybe? Because those are the things I've appreciated the most from people over the years. Things just don't cut it.
15. What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? Claire? Ha. No, let's see here. Something serious. A newborn baby we picked up with the mother once. We were called, got there after the delivery, and gave them a ride to the hospital. I teched - got to clean the little guy up. I've never been there for a delivery, but that was close. I got to see the bond form right in front of me. It was really special.
16. What time of day is your favorite? Morning. Definitely.
17. What kind of weather is your favorite? Sunny and hot. I have a lot of good memories of playing outdoors or at the beach house in warm weather. I could get outside and see people. Indoors I felt alone a lot.
18. What is your favorite food? What is your least favorite food? Fave - pasta alfredo, or angel hair with white sauce, variations of that. Least favorite - pate, caviar, veal. Just the idea turns my stomach. Eating meat for survival doesn't bother me at all, or if you need it for dietary reasons, religious events, whatever. But just eating it to eat it - something had to die for that. I don't think that's respected enough.
19. What is your favorite drink? (Coffee, Coke, Juice, Beer, Wine, etc.) Coffee. Fruit juices. I've never been much into soda, beer, wine or the like. I usually had some around in case I had company - back in the day when I thought I might have company over.
20. What's your favorite animal? Why? Dogs. Because they love you back.
21. Do you have any pets? Do you want any pets? What kind? Don't have any now. Don't want any. My life's too crazy for that.
22. What do you find most relaxing? (Not as in stress relief, but as something that actually calms you down.) It calms me down when someone touches me with the intent to calm me down - puts their arm around my shoulders, holds my shoulders, grabs my forearm, holds my hand, whatever. Human contact is underrated. I see that everyday I work as a paramedic. As far as, you know, otherwise, a nice hot shower, or just meditating, or when I can't calm down enough to do either of those, I work out until I'm tired, then try again. That always works.
23. What habit that others have annoys you most? Being willing to follow orders or do what you're told just because of who told you - like rank or authority or whatever. You never give up your right to say 'this is wrong; I'm not going to do it.' 'I was just following orders' is a sorry excuse and it bothers me a lot. I'm not saying I don't understand it. I'm saying that people need to stand up more often. I wish they did. The bystander syndrome also pisses me off, when someone's hurt and everyone stands around staring because no one else is helping, so why should they be the first?
24. What kind of things embarrass you? Why? Having the spotlight turned on me. Getting singled out for attention. I want it, yeah, but it embarrasses me. I'm not used to it. I don't think I should get used to it.
25. What don't you like about yourself? I wish I was important.
26. How would you like to look? I don't know. I'm pretty happy with how I look. I could look worse. I guess I'd like to look happy and calm.
Sex & Intimacy Questions
1. Would you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, or something else? Why? Bi. Because I like them both. I think of either to get off. It doesn't seem to depend on the sex - just whether or not they want me.
2. Who was the first person you had sex with? When did it happen? What was it like? How well did it go? Shelly, high school swim meet locker room. It was okay, I guess. You know, first time's never quite what you expect it to be. I got better at it later.
3. Have you ever had a same-sex experience? Who with, what was it like, and how did it go? Yep, had that too. Mostly blow jobs and hand jobs. So far they've always been casual. I've had a few repeat partners, but nothing past a month or two. I was always afraid of it getting back to my parents and suffering a fate worse than death, like disappointing them even worse than I already did.
4. What is your deepest, most well-hidden sexual fantasy? Would you ever try it? Sex in public. Right out in the open. And no, I'm not that stupid. But oh God, if I hadn't been so stressed back when I could turn invisible… ha.
5. What was the wildest thing you've ever done, sexually? Who was it with and when did it happen? Blew a whole bunch of guys in one night. I don't know how many. It was more than five or six. Funny thing is, I don't think I got off myself that night.
6. Is there any sexual activity that you enjoy and/or practice regularly that can be considered non-standard? (Bondage, fantasy play, etc.) Why do you like it? That I do regularly? Uh … no, don't think so. I've been with a lot of people, so yeah, I've seen some kink and I know a little about what I like, but there's no specific kink I have to have to trip my trigger. I guess maybe if I thought I could get it, I'd like to receive more anal sex, or get pegged more often.
7. Is there any sexual activity that you will not, under any circumstances, do? Scat play, blood play. Not wild about golden showers either, but that's not a 'not under any circumstances' sort of thing. I won't do anyone who is asleep or too drunk or drugged to consent. I'm kind of picky about that too. It's not entirely the consent thing, but because I want them paying attention to me. Christ, if I'm going to fuck someone, then I want to know they are with me, mentally, you know? If I just wanted to get off, I have my hand.
8. Do you currently have a lover? What is their name, and what is your relationship like? What are they like? Why are you attracted to them? No lover right now. Kind of leery of getting one, too, given how my life's been. I'm a lousy choice for anyone to hook up with for more than a night or two.
9. What is the perfect romantic date? Pizza, candlelight, soft music, a lot of oil, and a mattress on the floor. And hours and hours of time to spend getting it right. And by 'getting it right' I mean all of it - talking, sex, talking some more, touching, more sex, maybe ordering out some more food … I don't need dinner and a movie, or whatever. A walk in a park is awesome too. Oh yeah, a picnic lunch would be great, maybe to listen to some band play something? You know? I don't want to go anywhere I have to dress up or watch myself all the time. I just want to relax and be with someone who wants to be with me.
10. Describe the perfect romantic partner for you. Sexy, fit, healthy, likes me … I probably should have put that first. So let's try again: someone who's wild about me, sexy, fit, healthy, about my age, good at conversation, isn't a dick or a bitch, can stand up for themselves, knows who they are or at least aren't relying on me to define them.
11. Do you ever want to get married and have children? When do you see this happening? You know … I wouldn't mind, if that was what my spouse wanted. Given the way my life is now, I don't even think I could handle a pet, much less a person. It wouldn't be right. That said, I don't believe in abortion whatsoever for any child of mine, so if I got someone pregnant and there was anything I could do to help take care of the kid, I would. That might include just seeing them adopted into a good family, because I don't think I'm at a place in my life where I'd make a good father. I don't think I could do what my parents did in raising us. The world's different now.
12. What is more important - sex or intimacy? Why? That doesn't make any sense. That's not an either/or. Sex is always intimate. That's one of the things I like so much about it. I get to be close to people. I get to touch them. I get to make them happy. I get to watch them enjoy themselves and know I'm the reason for that. I'd love for people to be willing to be intimate with me without sex, but if you mean like intimacy without ever getting any sex … um, I like sex. My needs aren't real weird or exotic. I'm sure that out there somewhere is someone who will give me both. I was running with the wrong crowd in college and … really, I was looking more for sex then than anything else. I've seen so much in the last few years it's made me want … something more than just getting off, but on the other hand like I said, I think I'm poison for anyone to seriously try to hook up with for more than a one or two-night stand.
13. What was your most recent relationship like? Who was it with? (Does not need to be sexual, merely romantic.) Caitlin. I don't want to think about it.
14. What's the worst thing you've done to someone you loved? Got them shot and killed by their angry ex. Seriously. Oh, no, that wasn't the worst. The worst is stranding a different one in an alternate future where if they even still exist, they have a 95% or so chance of getting a disease and dying. Am I still bitter and angry at myself about these things? Yeah, seriously. I am damaged fucking goods in the relationship department.
Drug & Alcohol Questions
1. How old were you when you first got drunk? What was the experience like? Did anything good come out of it? Did anything bad come out of it? 13. Bob Bishop gave me a drink of some candied liquor at New Year's, told me it was a candy drink. I should have known better. I had … a lot. I was so sick. I started puking at nine o'clock and kept it up until well after midnight. I was so miserable that night. I think that was the last time I saw Bob until after I was 18.
2. Do you drink on any kind of regular basis? No. Very, very little. Too many bad experiences with it, usually seeing other people get drunk. My father told me once he was going to disown me in the morning. I was 16. Obviously, he didn't, but it upset me a lot and made a big impact, the sort of stupid and hurtful things people might do once they get enough alcohol in them.
3. What kind of alcohol do you prefer? None. If I'm really, really stressed, I start almost craving alcohol. I don't know why.
4. Have you ever tried any other kind of "mood altering" substance? Which one(s)? What did you think of each? Oh yeah, now this I've had a lot of. I've had ecstasy and marijuana, even snorted cocaine once. I've had uppers and pills and stuff. I've used amyl nitrate poppers and used nitrous oxide. I didn't use anything all that regularly. I got into things maybe once a month or so. I dabbled. I managed to never get addicted, so I guess I'm lucky.
5. What do you think of drugs and alcohol? Are there any people should not do? Why or why not? People can do what they want, but I have an aversion to drunks. A lot of paramedics get really jaded in dealing with junkies but I don't think I judge them too bad. I'll admit I let Hesam handle the persistent drunks. I think people should be very careful with what they use - just like any drug. You need to consider what you're aiming at and be aware of the side effects going in.
Morality Questions
1. What one act in your past are you most ashamed of? That would be trying to seduce Elle Bishop. I just think to myself - what if she'd said yes? I don't think I've ever sunk lower. What one act in your past are you most proud of? Going to Texas to save Claire. I knew I was right, even though almost everyone was telling me I was nuts. I stuck to my guns. I was doing the right thing, even if I didn't succeed. Well … Claire's fine.
2. Have you ever been in an argument before? Over what, with who, and who won? What kind of question is that? I argue with people all the time. That's … I'm going to skip that.
3. Have you ever been in a physical fight before? Over what, with who, and who won? Ha. Yes. With Nathan, he usually won. Danny Miller in high school over shoving this other kid around. I won that one. I didn't even get in trouble for it, other than being sent home. That was one time when my dad came through for me. I think the whole thing surprised him. Then of course there's the stuff since then, mainly with Sylar.
4. What do you feel most strongly about? Trying to be a good person; trying to help others. That's my passion.
5. What do you pretend to feel strongly about, just to impress people? Politics. And really, any hot button political issue. I used to take these extreme liberal positions just to piss my father off and then later I guess to impress people at college, at parties. I'm not that extreme though. And I certainly don't feel very strongly about politics anymore.
6. What trait do you find most admirable, and how often do you find it? Compassion. Not often enough. Also, honesty - as in being willing to share your real feelings with someone else. That takes a lot of courage. Rejection hurts and people don't like to expose themselves to ridicule or whatever.
7. Is there anything you think should not be incorporated into the media or art (sex, violence, greed, etc.,)? If so, what and why, and if not, why not? I think there should be less governmental regulation of what can be shown, but I don't hold that really strongly. I could be argued out of it.
8. Do you have any feelings in general that you are disturbed by? What are they? Why do they disturb you? Doubt - that disturbs me. Hate - when I find myself hating someone, like Sylar. I know it's wrong, but I also know it's normal. Depression - I get that sometimes. I don't buy that bullshit about dad and depression, but things still get me down sometimes and I'll get really focused on one thing. I've been isolating myself. Funny, but I had just started to open up and get back into a social life and now I'm stuck here with only a serial killer's mental representation of himself for company.
9. What is your religious view of things? What religion, if any, do you call your own? I was raised Catholic. I still believe. I've wavered a few times. I'm not quite sure about some things. I certainly don't pretend to know God's mind or understand what He's trying to accomplish on earth. I do my best and I hope that's good enough. I know I do some things that the Church considers horribly sinful. But that's why we have Grace. People sin. You've got to get past that.
10. Do you think the future is hopeful? Why? Ha. I'm not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole.
11. Is an ounce of prevention really worth a pound of cure? Which is more valuable? Why do you feel this way? Yes, it is. Because sometimes whatever happens can't be cured, but it could have been prevented.
12. What's the worst thing that can be done to another person? Why? Betrayal, rape, violation of a sacred trust - those sorts of things. When that sort of thing happens, it negates everything you believed about that other person. You realize you never really knew them at all, or you fundamentally misunderstood them. Not to mention you have to doubt your own judgment of everyone.
13. What's the worst thing you could actually do to someone you hated? Torture them. And I've done that. Funny - I just now realized that little incident didn't make my 'things I'm most ashamed of' list.
14. Are you a better leader or follower? Why do you think that? If you think the whole leader-follower archetype is a crock of shit, say so, and explain why? I'm not any good at either. I'm lousy at following orders and I don't work well with a team. I try, but it's tough.
15. What is your responsibility to the world, if any? Why do you think that? I have a responsibility and a duty to be the best person I can be, to help people and make life better. Because if I'm not doing that, then I'm not a worthwhile person. I'm just a waste.
16. Do you think redemption is possible? If so, can anyone be redeemed, or are there only certain circumstances that can be? If not, why do you think nothing can redeem itself? Anything can be forgiven. Anyone can be forgiven. In theory, you know, yeah. But when you start to get to specifics, that's when you have problems. Can Hitler be redeemed in the eyes of this one Holocaust survivor - maybe not. Maybe in the eyes of a different one though. The only place where you're guaranteed forgiveness is God's Grace. Everything else you can ask for it, but whether or not it's granted is just up to that person. Can you really convince them you're reformed?
17. Is it okay for you to cry? When was the last time you cried? Sure, it's okay for me to cry, but I don't do it much. Things happen though, like … you know. You lose loved ones and that's pretty upsetting.
18. What do you think is wrong with MOST people, overall? They've been hurt and they haven't healed.
Post-Supernatural Awareness Questions
1. When did you go through whatever made you supernatural? What was it like (in your opinion)? About four years ago. I wish someone would have believed me. The suck thing is I was surrounded by people with abilities and not only had they not told me beforehand, but they acted like I was nuts afterwards. There was no good reason for that.
2. What do you think now of being supernatural? Is it cool, or have you been screwed? Both. Any ability is a gift. It's incredible. And my current power to switch abilities is better than most people's, who only get one. On the other hand, I used to be a lot more powerful.
3. Do you have a mentor? Who are they? How did you become their student? Claude Rains. Long story, but essentially he took pity on me. That and I don't think he wanted to see New York get blown up.
4. What do you think of the other specials? They're people - some bad, some good, all just trying to get through life.
5. Think of a major event that happened during your training/initiation. What was it? Getting thrown off that roof. That was a big deal. He didn't care if he killed me.
6. What is something you had to learn during your training that you hated? Why did you hate it? That Claude's style of teaching me included things like throwing me off a building and hitting me in the nuts with a quarterstaff. I hated it because it hurt and scared the crap out of me. Also, it was unnecessary. He was just mean.
Miscellaneous Questions
1. What is the thing that has frightened you most? Do you think there is anything out there that's scarier than that? What do you think that would be? That I almost let Adam Monroe release that virus. I was almost the cause of the death of 93, 97, whatever huge percent of the world's population. Almost. I can't even really fathom it. I used to think blowing up part of New York was a big deal. Wow, was I wrong.
2. Has anyone or anything you've ever cared about died? How did you feel about it? What happened? Skip. No, seriously. Not answering that one.
3. What was the worst injury you've ever received? How did it happen? Um … I think whatever it was that Sylar did to me when we fell off the stadium. I was flattened. He crushed me somehow.
4. How ticklish are you? Where are you ticklish? Very much so on my ears and behind my knees, a little less on my feet and almost not at all on my short ribs. Also, behind my knees is erogenous. I don't know why, but it is. My ears too, but it's intense enough that I can't stand it. I never let anyone mess with my ears when we're fooling around.
5. What is your current long term goal? Maybe get through the rest of my life without killing anyone. Especially without committing or causing to be committed mass murder, blowing up cities, or spreading plagues. Reconnect with my family, with myself.
6. What is your current short term goal? Get Sylar. Save Emma. Not working out so well at the moment. Well, I've got Sylar. I just can't go anywhere with him.
7. Do you have any bad habits? If so, what are they, and do you plan to get rid of them? I pout and I sulk instead of addressing my real problems. And no, I plan to pout and sulk about it instead of addressing it.
8. If you were a mundane person, what would you do with your life? What occupation would you want, and how would you spend all your time? I think I'd be a doctor, instead of just a paramedic.
9. What time period do you wish you had lived in? Why? (Looking at this as an attempt to change history doesn't count.) What appeals to you about this era? Now is good. I understand 'now'. I was raised here. Any other time I'd have to learn.
10. How private of a person are you? Why? I don't know. I don't advertise myself. I don't flaunt. I don't ask for attention. That said, I'm not very body conscious and I wear my heart on my sleeve.
11. If you were to gain an obscenely large sum of money (via an inheritance, a lawsuit, a lottery, or anything else) what would you do with it? Well, I have an obscenely large sum of money in my trust fund. I don't know what to do with it. Just giving it to a random charity doesn't seem right. I'm still trying to figure that out. I know a little money would help a lot of people, but it's that whole give a man a fish, or teach him to fish thing. And then there's abilities and the Company to factor in. I don't know what I'll do with it.
12. What would you wish for if you found a genie? Nathan.
13. What do you do when you are bored? I work out, listen to the police scanner. Or now that I'm here … I think I'll play music. And I don't mind just looking around this place. It's really surreal, just looking.
14. What is the most frightening potential handicap or disfigurement you can conceive of? What makes it so frightening? I think losing your mind, like Alzheimer's Disease or senile dementia. If you don't understand reality, then you don't really have anything.