Title Team work
Title: Team Work
Pairing: To many to list, does incluse slash and het
Rating: PG13
Fandoms: Stargate/Jerry Springer
Summary: SG1 have some issues to work out and so go on the Jerry Springer show
Notes:I wrote this years and years ago and found it burried in some folders so thought I would post it here :) Is complete crack sorry for no beta
"Well I would like to welcome every one to the show to days guest is Colonel Jack O’Neill. Welcome to the show Jack or should I call you colonel?"
Jack grinned "You can call me Jack."
"Ok Jack you have something to tell a member of your team. What is you want to tell them"?
"Well Jerry I’ve been sleeping with a member of my team but I need to tell her I’ve been sleeping with some one else."
There was aloud boo from the audience. Jerry waved his arms at them to calm them down. "Ok well lets bring her out. Lets welcome Major Carter to the show."
Carter walked out and sat beside Jack and took his hand.
"Hey Jerry" Carter said
"Is it Major or can I call you Sam?"
"Sam’s fine."
"So you’ve been seeing the colonel for how long?"
"About six months but not a lot of people know, you see it’s kind of against regulations."
"Well you know that Jack here has something to tell you, so I’ll let him talk to you."
The room went completely silent as Jack faced Carter.
"Well Carter you know I like you but I need to tell you something, for some time I"ve been seeing some else" Jack told her and waited for her to shoot or kill him.
"Who?" she asked taking her hand from his and folding her arms.
Jack took a deep breath "Daniel."
Sam’s eyes went wide "What ? You’ve been sleeping with Daniel?"
Jerry gave a sigh "Lets welcome Daniel to the show."
Daniel walked out careful not to look Sam I the eye.
"Daniel how could you?"
"I’m sorry Sam but I have feelings for Jack and I can’t ignore them any more" he sat at the other side of Jack and took his hand.
"And you feel the same way sir," Sam asked
"I do, he’s just such a hunk" Jack said grinning at Daniel.
Jerry walked closer to the three people sitting on the stage glad that for once that they weren’t at each others throats it might be good for the ratings but not for his health.
Sam looked at the colonel and Daniel they did make a good couple. Well since they were all getting stuff in the open she as might as well spill as well.
"Well I might as well tell you while we are here, you aren’t the only person who has been seeing some one else."
there was an other loud gasp from the audience
"Who ?" Jack asked stunned
"Master Bra’ta.c"
"What?" Jack and Daniel asked in union
Master Bra’tac walked onto the stage and sat in the chair some one had just put there.
"Wait a minute you were all shocked at me for sleeping with Jack, when you’ve been sleeping with him?" Daniel said
Bra’tac looked at Jack "I am sorry O’Neill but I have feelings for Major Carter but I could no longer lie to you about it, if you wish to fight for her, I am willing."
Jack shook his head knowing he meant one of those warrior battle to the death things and even though Bra’tac was over a hundred years old,he would most likely still win.
"No offence to Carter but I’m not going to fight for her. Are you really happy with him Carter?"
"Oh yes" Carter said blushing "the older ones have a lot more experience."
Jack raised his eye brows then added "yeah well me and Danny are only half way through that kuma zuma book."
"JACK" Daniel said turning bright red and this made Carter realise that the colonel meant Karma sutra.
"Wait what about Janet?" Sam asked
Jerry looked up as it looked like this show wasn’t going to be as peaceful as he thought it would be "Who’s Janet?"
"Daniels girl friend" Sam informed him
another gasp from the audience
"You have a girl friend?" things were getting interesting again
Daniel winced "Well not exactly?"
"What do you mean not exactly?"
"Well I’ve been covering for her and Teal'c, you see they didn’t want any one to know about them and I didn’t want any one to know about me and Jack so we came to an agreement that we would pretend to be dating so no one would get suspicious," Daniel took a deep breath
Just then Teal’c and Janet walked on stage.
"Welcome to the show."
"Thank you Jerry" they replied
"So you to have been having a secret affair as well?"
"Yes Jerry we didn’t know how people would react but now we don’t care," Janet told every one.
Jerry took a deep breath" Well isn’t there some one you have all for gotten about" the row of people sitting in front of him looked a bit confused.
"Lets welcome Sgt Davis to the show."
Sgt Davis walked out smiling at every one and the members of SG1, Doctor Frasier and Master Bra’tac didn’t know were to look.
"So sergeant how do you know every one?"
"Well I’m the gate tech at were we all work and so we have known each other for some time now."
"And you’ve been having an affair with one of these people?"
"No I’ve slept with all of them at one point or an other," He told Jerry with a wink.
An other gasp from the audience.
Every one on the stage blushed and didn’t know were to look.
Just then there was a flash and Thor appeared on stage and made his way over to Sgt Davis.
"You are a late for out Date Sgt Davis"
Sergeant Davis looked at his watch "Oh I’m sorry Thor I lost track of time. Jerry I'm late for a date got to go," he took Thors little hand and in a flash they were gone.
The audience just looked at each other confused.
Jack leaned over to Daniel "How do you think they...? "
Daniel cut him of "I don’t want to think about it. "
Jerry sighed and turned the camera it was time for his final thought.
"Well every body that’s all we have time for today and I hope you guys sort everything out. I would just like to say it doesn’t matter if you a man, a woman or a little grey guy with no anus that there is some one out there for evry one. Good night folks"
General Hammond shot up in bed, gasping for breath what the hell had that been. He looked over at the tv and realised that he had fallen asleep watching tv again, he would have to stop doing that and stop watching Jerry Springer, it gave him the weirdest dreams.
TE
The End
Pairing: To many to list, does incluse slash and het
Rating: PG13
Fandoms: Stargate/Jerry Springer
Summary: SG1 have some issues to work out and so go on the Jerry Springer show
Notes:I wrote this years and years ago and found it burried in some folders so thought I would post it here :) Is complete crack sorry for no beta
"Well I would like to welcome every one to the show to days guest is Colonel Jack O’Neill. Welcome to the show Jack or should I call you colonel?"
Jack grinned "You can call me Jack."
"Ok Jack you have something to tell a member of your team. What is you want to tell them"?
"Well Jerry I’ve been sleeping with a member of my team but I need to tell her I’ve been sleeping with some one else."
There was aloud boo from the audience. Jerry waved his arms at them to calm them down. "Ok well lets bring her out. Lets welcome Major Carter to the show."
Carter walked out and sat beside Jack and took his hand.
"Hey Jerry" Carter said
"Is it Major or can I call you Sam?"
"Sam’s fine."
"So you’ve been seeing the colonel for how long?"
"About six months but not a lot of people know, you see it’s kind of against regulations."
"Well you know that Jack here has something to tell you, so I’ll let him talk to you."
The room went completely silent as Jack faced Carter.
"Well Carter you know I like you but I need to tell you something, for some time I"ve been seeing some else" Jack told her and waited for her to shoot or kill him.
"Who?" she asked taking her hand from his and folding her arms.
Jack took a deep breath "Daniel."
Sam’s eyes went wide "What ? You’ve been sleeping with Daniel?"
Jerry gave a sigh "Lets welcome Daniel to the show."
Daniel walked out careful not to look Sam I the eye.
"Daniel how could you?"
"I’m sorry Sam but I have feelings for Jack and I can’t ignore them any more" he sat at the other side of Jack and took his hand.
"And you feel the same way sir," Sam asked
"I do, he’s just such a hunk" Jack said grinning at Daniel.
Jerry walked closer to the three people sitting on the stage glad that for once that they weren’t at each others throats it might be good for the ratings but not for his health.
Sam looked at the colonel and Daniel they did make a good couple. Well since they were all getting stuff in the open she as might as well spill as well.
"Well I might as well tell you while we are here, you aren’t the only person who has been seeing some one else."
there was an other loud gasp from the audience
"Who ?" Jack asked stunned
"Master Bra’ta.c"
"What?" Jack and Daniel asked in union
Master Bra’tac walked onto the stage and sat in the chair some one had just put there.
"Wait a minute you were all shocked at me for sleeping with Jack, when you’ve been sleeping with him?" Daniel said
Bra’tac looked at Jack "I am sorry O’Neill but I have feelings for Major Carter but I could no longer lie to you about it, if you wish to fight for her, I am willing."
Jack shook his head knowing he meant one of those warrior battle to the death things and even though Bra’tac was over a hundred years old,he would most likely still win.
"No offence to Carter but I’m not going to fight for her. Are you really happy with him Carter?"
"Oh yes" Carter said blushing "the older ones have a lot more experience."
Jack raised his eye brows then added "yeah well me and Danny are only half way through that kuma zuma book."
"JACK" Daniel said turning bright red and this made Carter realise that the colonel meant Karma sutra.
"Wait what about Janet?" Sam asked
Jerry looked up as it looked like this show wasn’t going to be as peaceful as he thought it would be "Who’s Janet?"
"Daniels girl friend" Sam informed him
another gasp from the audience
"You have a girl friend?" things were getting interesting again
Daniel winced "Well not exactly?"
"What do you mean not exactly?"
"Well I’ve been covering for her and Teal'c, you see they didn’t want any one to know about them and I didn’t want any one to know about me and Jack so we came to an agreement that we would pretend to be dating so no one would get suspicious," Daniel took a deep breath
Just then Teal’c and Janet walked on stage.
"Welcome to the show."
"Thank you Jerry" they replied
"So you to have been having a secret affair as well?"
"Yes Jerry we didn’t know how people would react but now we don’t care," Janet told every one.
Jerry took a deep breath" Well isn’t there some one you have all for gotten about" the row of people sitting in front of him looked a bit confused.
"Lets welcome Sgt Davis to the show."
Sgt Davis walked out smiling at every one and the members of SG1, Doctor Frasier and Master Bra’tac didn’t know were to look.
"So sergeant how do you know every one?"
"Well I’m the gate tech at were we all work and so we have known each other for some time now."
"And you’ve been having an affair with one of these people?"
"No I’ve slept with all of them at one point or an other," He told Jerry with a wink.
An other gasp from the audience.
Every one on the stage blushed and didn’t know were to look.
Just then there was a flash and Thor appeared on stage and made his way over to Sgt Davis.
"You are a late for out Date Sgt Davis"
Sergeant Davis looked at his watch "Oh I’m sorry Thor I lost track of time. Jerry I'm late for a date got to go," he took Thors little hand and in a flash they were gone.
The audience just looked at each other confused.
Jack leaned over to Daniel "How do you think they...? "
Daniel cut him of "I don’t want to think about it. "
Jerry sighed and turned the camera it was time for his final thought.
"Well every body that’s all we have time for today and I hope you guys sort everything out. I would just like to say it doesn’t matter if you a man, a woman or a little grey guy with no anus that there is some one out there for evry one. Good night folks"
General Hammond shot up in bed, gasping for breath what the hell had that been. He looked over at the tv and realised that he had fallen asleep watching tv again, he would have to stop doing that and stop watching Jerry Springer, it gave him the weirdest dreams.
TE
The End