Hi there! Glad to hear you're relaxing - I'm really looking forward to my own spring break in a week. I found this comment really interesting:
we began writing and posting almost simultaneously in the Spring of 2001 and I ended my epic ("Queer Theories") at almost the same moment that Carol died and ended her reign in QAF fandom. That's just... too fateful.
I was struck by this "coincidence" as well, but a while back I realized I didn't really believe in coincidences - I believe in opportunities (I like how I found a life cliche to call my own! my own to share, I think it'll only get stronger as it's spread around). And I'll share something my advisor told me last fall when I hit what felt like a massive mental freeze concerning my work - sometimes it's really good to sit back and let your brain simmer in its juices. He called it potentially fertile work - which was nice because it turns out I really needed a recharge at that point.
Do you know cathexys? She's deep in academic/fan work and does a lot of work with fandom culture. I
( ... )
I've asked to be added to her group -- and I think I know who this is. If I'm right, then we've been on panels together and I just saw her in Pittsburgh in November. But I want to be in this group, no matter what.
I've never had to jump through so many hoops to get onto a site as Dreamwidth -- and then, even though I'm now Mutual Friends with Cathexys, it still says I don't have permission to read the comments or comment. What's up with that? Doesn't she do comments?
I know, no kidding right? Is DW one of those sites that requires an invite code to sign up? I tried to sign in with my LJ info and it just became too big of a hassle. Maybe if you send Cathexys a message via LJ she'll respond.
I came to this fandom very, very, very late in the game, as you know (due to your brilliant writing alone, I must add - never read a darn thing by Carol's creations), but I just wanted to drop a quick comment to say enjoy your break! The timing of this unfortunate revelation with the fact that you finished your amazing epic would leave anyone drained and a bit apprehensive. Sounds somewhat like that strange, almost depression-like feeling that we get when we finally deposit our dissertations and then think, "Um, now what?" And then add on to it the discovery (or acceptance) that a respected peer turns out to be dishonest. That's a cartload of swirling emotions.
I agree with lady_jane's comment above. Think of this time as a brief sabbatical to recharge and seep in creative juices. Write fic when you feel like it, but maybe don't post things for a while. Just write, perhaps just sharing with a friend or two for concrit? That's what I'm doing and it's marvelously liberating
( ... )
Hi Gael, You sound kind of subdued which is understandable. I hope you don't let it all get to you, just because you were already there back then. It's easy to pass judgement from a distance and what happened is nobody's responsibility but Carol's. It's a credit to you all, the first writers, that you're still here and keep the fandom going, but what is more important is that you have friends here. There is no reason for any of those who "knew" to feel bad about this. It was nobody's place to tell but Carol's, as her voice would have been the only one that would have been heard in this case.
Really hope you're not seeing this "Carol" episode coming so close to your completion of the "Queer" series as a cue to stop writng qaf fiction. Coincidence occurs all the time, and it usually means nothing. If one loses the drive or the zest or the love for their subject matter, then maybe they should consider moving on. But quitting because of the unfortunate demise of another fic writer who seemed to have little in common with them other than beginning at roughly the same time seems drastic, and so wrong.
I wanted to amend an earlier statement about the timing of Carol's death and the end of your fic not being that close. Guess they were close, I just didn't read the dates correctly. Nevertheless, I stand buy what I said about Carol and yourself not really having that much in common. And still believe that this coincidence means nothing.
But it's not really that much of a coincidence is it? You both came into the fandom at the same time. But so did a lot of other writers. Carol/Brian died several weeks after the completion of the Queer series, not the same day or even the same month. Carol seemed to write for others, always needing praise and reassurrance. You appear to write as much for yourself as for others, and have less need of accolades. Carol hid her identity behind not one but two different fabricated gay men to serve as the authors of her work. Your life has been an open book, with your readers knowing more about you than they probably should. And, if I remember correctly, you once wrote a passage stating your dissaproval of Queer fic writers who falsely claimed to be gay men in order to aquire more credibility than the hetero female authors. So, at least in my opinion, aside from being part of the close circle of the QAF fandom and a talent for writing good B/J fanfiction, "gaedhal" and "Brian/Randal" have little in common.
Comments 38
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I'm going to wait before I make any kind of decision. And then
will be subject to change without notice.
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we began
writing and posting almost simultaneously in the Spring
of 2001 and I ended my epic ("Queer Theories") at almost
the same moment that Carol died and ended her reign in
QAF fandom. That's just... too fateful.
I was struck by this "coincidence" as well, but a while back I realized I didn't really believe in coincidences - I believe in opportunities (I like how I found a life cliche to call my own! my own to share, I think it'll only get stronger as it's spread around). And I'll share something my advisor told me last fall when I hit what felt like a massive mental freeze concerning my work - sometimes it's really good to sit back and let your brain simmer in its juices. He called it potentially fertile work - which was nice because it turns out I really needed a recharge at that point.
Do you know cathexys? She's deep in academic/fan work and does a lot of work with fandom culture. I ( ... )
Reply
I know who this is. If I'm right, then we've been on
panels together and I just saw her in Pittsburgh in
November. But I want to be in this group, no matter
what.
Thanks for the link.
Reply
I've never had to jump through so many hoops to get onto a site as
Dreamwidth -- and then, even though I'm now Mutual Friends with
Cathexys, it still says I don't have permission to read the comments
or comment. What's up with that? Doesn't she do comments?
F- it!
Reply
Reply
I came to this fandom very, very, very late in the game, as you know (due to your brilliant writing alone, I must add - never read a darn thing by Carol's creations), but I just wanted to drop a quick comment to say enjoy your break! The timing of this unfortunate revelation with the fact that you finished your amazing epic would leave anyone drained and a bit apprehensive. Sounds somewhat like that strange, almost depression-like feeling that we get when we finally deposit our dissertations and then think, "Um, now what?" And then add on to it the discovery (or acceptance) that a respected peer turns out to be dishonest. That's a cartload of swirling emotions.
I agree with lady_jane's comment above. Think of this time as a brief sabbatical to recharge and seep in creative juices. Write fic when you feel like it, but maybe don't post things for a while. Just write, perhaps just sharing with a friend or two for concrit? That's what I'm doing and it's marvelously liberating ( ... )
Reply
and this "epic" took a lot more out of me than I think I realized.
I guess I need just to THINK for a while and not push myself.
It helped that we did music over the break and played out. That
felt good.
Reply
You sound kind of subdued which is understandable. I hope you don't let it all get to you, just because you were already there back then. It's easy to pass judgement from a distance and what happened is nobody's responsibility but Carol's.
It's a credit to you all, the first writers, that you're still here and keep the fandom going, but what is more important is that you have friends here. There is no reason for any of those who "knew" to feel bad about this. It was nobody's place to tell but Carol's, as her voice would have been the only one that would have been heard in this case.
I'm glad you're here.
Nicki
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I'm still here, no matter what.
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