cashay
in
gabrielsam
it's time to open up your closet 2/? (Dean/Castiel, Sam/Gabriel)
Title: it’s time to open up your closet 2/?
Author: cashay
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Gabriel, Dean/Castiel, John/Mary
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Warnings: angst, cursing, homophobia
Word Count: ~2501
Summary: Even though they are afraid of their parents reaction Dean and Sam finally come out to them.
A/N: for ceilingninja with the Prompt "Supernatural, Dean/Castiel Sam/Gabriel, highschool AU-coming out to their parents" I hope you enjoy it.
Please note that this story is taking place 1969 a few month after the Stonewall riots and homosexuals are still very far from being accepted.
Written for the "head trauma" prompt of the hc_bingo
Part 1
Dinner was silent and uncomfortable to say the least. As if the coming announcement already hang in the air, making it impossible for any of them to relax. That definitely was the case for Dean, Sam, Gabriel and Castiel.
The Novak brothers were frequent guest in the Winchester house and both Mary and John liked them. But this time it was different, because none of them knew if they would still be welcomed back after the revelation that would be made. Even without saying it out loud Dean shared the fear of his younger brother. But he had not shown it, trying instead to cheer the younger man up to not make it harder on him than necessary.
He always had protected Sammy, been the stronger of the two. He didn't mind being it now either. But this was so much harder than snarling at a teacher or scaring one of those stupid other kids away. Those were their parents. And he was as scared as Sam, that they would reject them.
He honestly didn't know what to do if that happened. Castiel had tried to get him to talk about it, but he had refused, both angry at himself and scared at what the result would be.
Dean loved his father, had never done anything but obeyed him. But now? Now he really didn't know if he could leave Castiel if his father ordered him too. He definitely didn't want it.
That his Dad would make him leave was Castiels biggest concern and the fact, that Dean hadn't been able to promise him to stay with him if his father ordered otherwise had made him that much more anxious.
But despite the frightened looks Castiel gave him when he thought he wasn't watching, Dean hadn't been able to promise that he wouldn't leave. His heart had wanted it, no doubt. His mind on the other hand wasn't that easy to convince. There was still the part of him, that was afraid of the consequences.
Consequences not one of them had addressed because the sheer magnitude was enough to make Dean's and Sam's heart beat faster with panic. No one of them bothered very much with what outsiders thought, but those were their parents damn it. What the fuck would he do if they didn't approve? Could he take it if they threw Sammy and him out?
This was the one thing Dean didn't know, despite all the love he had for Castiel. And so he hadn't answered the silent questions, not wanting to make promises he couldn't keep. Not when he was so unsure of himself.
The anxiety the four young men felt wasn't really unnoticed by the two adults in the room. And even though neither of them knew what exactly it was that got the boys so nervous they picked up on the general atmosphere, feeling nervous themselves.
Dean noticed that his parents shared those worried looks they always exchanged when they thought one of them had gotten himself into trouble. He wondered what they thought they did now. Maybe they thought one of them had gotten someone pregnant, or maybe they thought it were drugs. Or one of them had trouble in school. Okay if they thought that, it was really only Dean they could be worried about because Sammy never got into trouble at school. Dean took care of that.
His little brother had a great academic future ahead of him and there was no way Dean would let him ruin that in any way. So he always made sure he was the one to get all the blame no matter how much Sam hated it.
But now he couldn't take the blame. Because there was no one to blame. They were gay and not sick after all, despite what many people might think. He really hoped their parents weren't like those people.
Dean really didn't feel like eating any more, despite the awesome food his mother had made. Not even the pie that would be served for dessert could get his stomach to stop revolting only thinking about food.
A sigh made him look up from his plate on which he had rearranged the food for the past five minutes. He looked at his mother - the source of the sigh - and crooked his head to the side, a habit he had picked up from Castiel. “What is it you are all so worried about?” his mother asked with the gentle voice she always used when something was wrong.
Dean and Sam shared a panic glance before both of their eyes fixed on their parents. Castiel and Gabriel probably looked just as panicked but Dean didn't dare to look over to his boyfriend or to make any gesture to maybe sooth him. He was far to freaked out himself.
“You know you can talk to us about everything. We will support you and help you if you need it.” Her voice still was warm and reassuring but Dean wasn't sure she would support him in that matter. His fears that all of this would go terribly wrong had returned with full force and instead of feeling a bit nauseated like he had only minutes ago, he actually was fairly sure he would throw up any second now. This was a bad idea. A really bad idea.
They should have just stuck with what they had. A secret relationship really wasn't that bad and it wasn't that much longer until all of them would be out of high school and they hadn't to worry about the approval of their parents anymore. He knew this wasn't true and wouldn't work but right now this really seemed like being a much better alternative than actually telling them.
To everyones surprise it was Sam who broke the tense silence and not Dean. He knew he should have taken the lead and be a good big brother but he was far to close to a panic attack to really do anything but breath. “Dean and I... we... have to tell you something.”
Sam sounded calm. Not panicked like he had been the whole week but actually calm. All the fears seemed to have left him now the moment he had dreaded so much had come. But maybe he had just shut the fear out like Dean had done so many times but found himself unable to do now.
“What is it sweetie?”, his mother asked, worry etched into her features but if she felt anything beside love and worry it didn't show. His father's face on the other hand looked like it had turned into stone. His eyes didn't give away any emotions but they were so cold Dean shuddered involuntarily, hastily averting his gaze to look at his mother again.
Sam swallowed, nervousness returning apparently and questioningly looked at Dean. Dean gulped then nodded, still surprised by Sam's courage. But there was nothing but determination left in his voice as he finally answered their mothers question. Dean was pretty sure it did cost him all his strength but once Sam set his mind on something he wasn't one to falter.
“I'm gay. And Dean is gay too.” The silence that followed that statement felt like it was a physical weight settling on Dean's shoulders, pressing him down to the ground. But he couldn't let his brother do all of this alone. If it was just him he probably would have never said a word but his need to help Sam easily surpassed his fear to be rejected by his parents like it had always surpassed everything.
“We're...” Dean had to stop to clear his throat and fight down the urge to throw up before he continued. “Both of us are in a relationship and have been for the last year.” Shocked silence was still the only thing that followed his statement, prompting him to keep talking, because he couldn't stand the quietness.
“Cas and I...” It weren't words that stopped him but the eyes of his father. His gaze pierced right through him already shattering Dean's world before his father even spoke a word. Those eyes said enough. They told Dean everything he needed to know: disappointment, disgust, hatred.
“No son of mine is gay.”, John Winchester declared, stating it as if it was a fact they should all be aware of. He wasn't shouting at them, wasn't screaming obscenities but his words rang as loud in Deans ears as if he had. He heard a soft sob and turned his head enough to see Sam, face full of crushed hopes. “Dad...”, he silently begged but his father shook his head firmly.
“No!” this time he was pretty close to yelling but he forced his voice down as he looked at Gabriel and Castiel, eying them as if they were rabid dogs. “If I see any of your abominations near my sons again I swear by God you are going to regret it.”
Dean's brain shut down. No, this couldn't be happening. It couldn't. He would give everything for all of this to stop. It hurt to hear his father so disappointed and he fucking didn't know what to do. Because he loved Cas but he also loved his father and didn't want him to be so angry, didn't want to disappoint him. And somewhere in the motion of having to decide between Cas and his Dad his brain just refused to think about it anymore.
“Dad no!” Sam was shouting and somewhere in his fogged head Dean noted that Sam never shouted. “I love Gabriel and I'm not gonna...”
This was the moment things escalated.
Dean was between Sam and his father before he had even processed what had happened. His Dad had punched Sam! He never ever raised his hand against one of his sons. Never. But he had just punched Sammy in the face. Before Deans mind had been able to form any thought next to the fact that his father had just hit Sam Dean was reacting in the way he always did when someone hurt his little brother.
He punched back. Had his brain functioned properly he would have known that this was a bad idea. No matter how experienced he was in fighting he didn't stood a chance. His father was a god damn Marine after all.
But in that particular moment Dean didn't think. His fist collided with his fathers face before anyone could stop him and next he knew John was kneeing him in the guts with so much force Dean had to double over. He was barely able to keep the few things he had eaten for dinner in his stomach but he had fought enough fistfights to act despite that.
He rammed into his father, landing them both on the floor with him on top, blows raining down on his father until he was suddenly stopped and forcefully shoved to the ground himself. Afterwards he really wasn't sure what happened in the time between him feeling a heavy blow hit his head resulting in unconsciousness trying to claim him and the moment he was aware of his surroundings again or more precisely his mother screaming at someone to stop. Probably at hist father.
Dean got dragged away and into someones arms but they felt to feminine to be the arms of Cas, Gabriel or Sammy. That only left his mom. Dean took a moment to mock himself for thinking so slow before he forced himself back to full attention despite the throbbing in his head and all over his body.
Gabriel held Sam back on whose face a bruise is already forming while he desperately tried to hit his father. It probably took all of Gabriels strength to keep Sam from throwing himself at his father to continue what Dean started and Dean was incredibly thankful that Gabriel kept Sam from getting hurt.
Castiel was shaking as he stood right next to where Dean was sitting and looked like he wanted to pick a fight with John Winchester himself. He couldn't see his mother but by the way her arms tightened protectively around his shoulders he was pretty sure she was just inches away from loosing it herself.
Dean saw Castiels fist tighten and despite feeling dizzy he forced himself to stand and take a protective stance in front of his boyfriend. There was no way in hell he would let Castiel get hurt and picking a fight with his seriously pissed of father was a sure way to be beaten into a pulp.
His father seemed to have pulled himself together, even though he still eyed all of them like he wanted to force them to stop being gay. “Out!”, he hissed, making Dean flinch just with this one word. “There will be no faggot living in my house.”
Sam relaxed against Gabriel, dread edged into his features but Dean knew him far to well to even consider for a moment that he would back down now. “Fine.” There is no mistaking the pain in Sam's voice but their father didn't even flinch. “I'm leaving.”
Sam's hand clutched Gabriel's and the look on both of their faces was to determined that not even John Winchester - normally never one to back down - tried to talk his second-born out of this. All eyes focused on Dean after that and he felt like he was about to suffocate. The sheer weight of having to choose between his family and the man he loved was to much for him. He couldn't. Just couldn't.
Dean's mind shut down again. He didn't cry, didn't freak out for anyone to see but inside he felt like his whole world was just falling down on him, crushing him underneath without any chance to escape. And he just couldn't.
“I can't.” he whispered, not even noticing that he was shaking and his fists were clenched so tightly his fingernails actually drew blood. Castiel's belied and hurt look didn't create any feeling in him neither did Sam's silent curse or Gabriel's insults.
He had shut down completely, blocking all the feeling that threatened to tear him apart. This was just to much for him. The pain, the expectations, the hope. Everything was just to much for Dean to bear and to protect him his subconscious had left him feeling nothing at all while he watched his little brother leave in a hurry, still tightly clutching his boyfriends hand. He felt nothing as he watched his own boyfriend turn away and follow them, a look on his face that belied his age and made him look like he had seen far to much for a single man.
He felt nothing because he couldn't. Because he had always been the strong one, taking everything life threw at him and Sammy, protecting his brother from any harm by being harmed himself. But this time he wasn't strong enough. This had been the one blow he couldn't take.
Author: cashay
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Gabriel, Dean/Castiel, John/Mary
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Warnings: angst, cursing, homophobia
Word Count: ~2501
Summary: Even though they are afraid of their parents reaction Dean and Sam finally come out to them.
A/N: for ceilingninja with the Prompt "Supernatural, Dean/Castiel Sam/Gabriel, highschool AU-coming out to their parents" I hope you enjoy it.
Please note that this story is taking place 1969 a few month after the Stonewall riots and homosexuals are still very far from being accepted.
Written for the "head trauma" prompt of the hc_bingo
Part 1
Dinner was silent and uncomfortable to say the least. As if the coming announcement already hang in the air, making it impossible for any of them to relax. That definitely was the case for Dean, Sam, Gabriel and Castiel.
The Novak brothers were frequent guest in the Winchester house and both Mary and John liked them. But this time it was different, because none of them knew if they would still be welcomed back after the revelation that would be made. Even without saying it out loud Dean shared the fear of his younger brother. But he had not shown it, trying instead to cheer the younger man up to not make it harder on him than necessary.
He always had protected Sammy, been the stronger of the two. He didn't mind being it now either. But this was so much harder than snarling at a teacher or scaring one of those stupid other kids away. Those were their parents. And he was as scared as Sam, that they would reject them.
He honestly didn't know what to do if that happened. Castiel had tried to get him to talk about it, but he had refused, both angry at himself and scared at what the result would be.
Dean loved his father, had never done anything but obeyed him. But now? Now he really didn't know if he could leave Castiel if his father ordered him too. He definitely didn't want it.
That his Dad would make him leave was Castiels biggest concern and the fact, that Dean hadn't been able to promise him to stay with him if his father ordered otherwise had made him that much more anxious.
But despite the frightened looks Castiel gave him when he thought he wasn't watching, Dean hadn't been able to promise that he wouldn't leave. His heart had wanted it, no doubt. His mind on the other hand wasn't that easy to convince. There was still the part of him, that was afraid of the consequences.
Consequences not one of them had addressed because the sheer magnitude was enough to make Dean's and Sam's heart beat faster with panic. No one of them bothered very much with what outsiders thought, but those were their parents damn it. What the fuck would he do if they didn't approve? Could he take it if they threw Sammy and him out?
This was the one thing Dean didn't know, despite all the love he had for Castiel. And so he hadn't answered the silent questions, not wanting to make promises he couldn't keep. Not when he was so unsure of himself.
The anxiety the four young men felt wasn't really unnoticed by the two adults in the room. And even though neither of them knew what exactly it was that got the boys so nervous they picked up on the general atmosphere, feeling nervous themselves.
Dean noticed that his parents shared those worried looks they always exchanged when they thought one of them had gotten himself into trouble. He wondered what they thought they did now. Maybe they thought one of them had gotten someone pregnant, or maybe they thought it were drugs. Or one of them had trouble in school. Okay if they thought that, it was really only Dean they could be worried about because Sammy never got into trouble at school. Dean took care of that.
His little brother had a great academic future ahead of him and there was no way Dean would let him ruin that in any way. So he always made sure he was the one to get all the blame no matter how much Sam hated it.
But now he couldn't take the blame. Because there was no one to blame. They were gay and not sick after all, despite what many people might think. He really hoped their parents weren't like those people.
Dean really didn't feel like eating any more, despite the awesome food his mother had made. Not even the pie that would be served for dessert could get his stomach to stop revolting only thinking about food.
A sigh made him look up from his plate on which he had rearranged the food for the past five minutes. He looked at his mother - the source of the sigh - and crooked his head to the side, a habit he had picked up from Castiel. “What is it you are all so worried about?” his mother asked with the gentle voice she always used when something was wrong.
Dean and Sam shared a panic glance before both of their eyes fixed on their parents. Castiel and Gabriel probably looked just as panicked but Dean didn't dare to look over to his boyfriend or to make any gesture to maybe sooth him. He was far to freaked out himself.
“You know you can talk to us about everything. We will support you and help you if you need it.” Her voice still was warm and reassuring but Dean wasn't sure she would support him in that matter. His fears that all of this would go terribly wrong had returned with full force and instead of feeling a bit nauseated like he had only minutes ago, he actually was fairly sure he would throw up any second now. This was a bad idea. A really bad idea.
They should have just stuck with what they had. A secret relationship really wasn't that bad and it wasn't that much longer until all of them would be out of high school and they hadn't to worry about the approval of their parents anymore. He knew this wasn't true and wouldn't work but right now this really seemed like being a much better alternative than actually telling them.
To everyones surprise it was Sam who broke the tense silence and not Dean. He knew he should have taken the lead and be a good big brother but he was far to close to a panic attack to really do anything but breath. “Dean and I... we... have to tell you something.”
Sam sounded calm. Not panicked like he had been the whole week but actually calm. All the fears seemed to have left him now the moment he had dreaded so much had come. But maybe he had just shut the fear out like Dean had done so many times but found himself unable to do now.
“What is it sweetie?”, his mother asked, worry etched into her features but if she felt anything beside love and worry it didn't show. His father's face on the other hand looked like it had turned into stone. His eyes didn't give away any emotions but they were so cold Dean shuddered involuntarily, hastily averting his gaze to look at his mother again.
Sam swallowed, nervousness returning apparently and questioningly looked at Dean. Dean gulped then nodded, still surprised by Sam's courage. But there was nothing but determination left in his voice as he finally answered their mothers question. Dean was pretty sure it did cost him all his strength but once Sam set his mind on something he wasn't one to falter.
“I'm gay. And Dean is gay too.” The silence that followed that statement felt like it was a physical weight settling on Dean's shoulders, pressing him down to the ground. But he couldn't let his brother do all of this alone. If it was just him he probably would have never said a word but his need to help Sam easily surpassed his fear to be rejected by his parents like it had always surpassed everything.
“We're...” Dean had to stop to clear his throat and fight down the urge to throw up before he continued. “Both of us are in a relationship and have been for the last year.” Shocked silence was still the only thing that followed his statement, prompting him to keep talking, because he couldn't stand the quietness.
“Cas and I...” It weren't words that stopped him but the eyes of his father. His gaze pierced right through him already shattering Dean's world before his father even spoke a word. Those eyes said enough. They told Dean everything he needed to know: disappointment, disgust, hatred.
“No son of mine is gay.”, John Winchester declared, stating it as if it was a fact they should all be aware of. He wasn't shouting at them, wasn't screaming obscenities but his words rang as loud in Deans ears as if he had. He heard a soft sob and turned his head enough to see Sam, face full of crushed hopes. “Dad...”, he silently begged but his father shook his head firmly.
“No!” this time he was pretty close to yelling but he forced his voice down as he looked at Gabriel and Castiel, eying them as if they were rabid dogs. “If I see any of your abominations near my sons again I swear by God you are going to regret it.”
Dean's brain shut down. No, this couldn't be happening. It couldn't. He would give everything for all of this to stop. It hurt to hear his father so disappointed and he fucking didn't know what to do. Because he loved Cas but he also loved his father and didn't want him to be so angry, didn't want to disappoint him. And somewhere in the motion of having to decide between Cas and his Dad his brain just refused to think about it anymore.
“Dad no!” Sam was shouting and somewhere in his fogged head Dean noted that Sam never shouted. “I love Gabriel and I'm not gonna...”
This was the moment things escalated.
Dean was between Sam and his father before he had even processed what had happened. His Dad had punched Sam! He never ever raised his hand against one of his sons. Never. But he had just punched Sammy in the face. Before Deans mind had been able to form any thought next to the fact that his father had just hit Sam Dean was reacting in the way he always did when someone hurt his little brother.
He punched back. Had his brain functioned properly he would have known that this was a bad idea. No matter how experienced he was in fighting he didn't stood a chance. His father was a god damn Marine after all.
But in that particular moment Dean didn't think. His fist collided with his fathers face before anyone could stop him and next he knew John was kneeing him in the guts with so much force Dean had to double over. He was barely able to keep the few things he had eaten for dinner in his stomach but he had fought enough fistfights to act despite that.
He rammed into his father, landing them both on the floor with him on top, blows raining down on his father until he was suddenly stopped and forcefully shoved to the ground himself. Afterwards he really wasn't sure what happened in the time between him feeling a heavy blow hit his head resulting in unconsciousness trying to claim him and the moment he was aware of his surroundings again or more precisely his mother screaming at someone to stop. Probably at hist father.
Dean got dragged away and into someones arms but they felt to feminine to be the arms of Cas, Gabriel or Sammy. That only left his mom. Dean took a moment to mock himself for thinking so slow before he forced himself back to full attention despite the throbbing in his head and all over his body.
Gabriel held Sam back on whose face a bruise is already forming while he desperately tried to hit his father. It probably took all of Gabriels strength to keep Sam from throwing himself at his father to continue what Dean started and Dean was incredibly thankful that Gabriel kept Sam from getting hurt.
Castiel was shaking as he stood right next to where Dean was sitting and looked like he wanted to pick a fight with John Winchester himself. He couldn't see his mother but by the way her arms tightened protectively around his shoulders he was pretty sure she was just inches away from loosing it herself.
Dean saw Castiels fist tighten and despite feeling dizzy he forced himself to stand and take a protective stance in front of his boyfriend. There was no way in hell he would let Castiel get hurt and picking a fight with his seriously pissed of father was a sure way to be beaten into a pulp.
His father seemed to have pulled himself together, even though he still eyed all of them like he wanted to force them to stop being gay. “Out!”, he hissed, making Dean flinch just with this one word. “There will be no faggot living in my house.”
Sam relaxed against Gabriel, dread edged into his features but Dean knew him far to well to even consider for a moment that he would back down now. “Fine.” There is no mistaking the pain in Sam's voice but their father didn't even flinch. “I'm leaving.”
Sam's hand clutched Gabriel's and the look on both of their faces was to determined that not even John Winchester - normally never one to back down - tried to talk his second-born out of this. All eyes focused on Dean after that and he felt like he was about to suffocate. The sheer weight of having to choose between his family and the man he loved was to much for him. He couldn't. Just couldn't.
Dean's mind shut down again. He didn't cry, didn't freak out for anyone to see but inside he felt like his whole world was just falling down on him, crushing him underneath without any chance to escape. And he just couldn't.
“I can't.” he whispered, not even noticing that he was shaking and his fists were clenched so tightly his fingernails actually drew blood. Castiel's belied and hurt look didn't create any feeling in him neither did Sam's silent curse or Gabriel's insults.
He had shut down completely, blocking all the feeling that threatened to tear him apart. This was just to much for him. The pain, the expectations, the hope. Everything was just to much for Dean to bear and to protect him his subconscious had left him feeling nothing at all while he watched his little brother leave in a hurry, still tightly clutching his boyfriends hand. He felt nothing as he watched his own boyfriend turn away and follow them, a look on his face that belied his age and made him look like he had seen far to much for a single man.
He felt nothing because he couldn't. Because he had always been the strong one, taking everything life threw at him and Sammy, protecting his brother from any harm by being harmed himself. But this time he wasn't strong enough. This had been the one blow he couldn't take.