Ain't No Sunshine
Title: Ain't No Sunshine
Author: escapismrocks
Pairings: Mark/Addison Addison/Pete Meredith/Derek Christina/Burke amongst others AU as it goes on
Rating: A little language
Summary: The first fic I ever wrote...a little long its still on going
This is the first fic I ever wrote, it was posted on the ABC boards but the new formatting there, kinda sucks. To me it kinda sucks anyway. So I figured I'd move it over here. Please feel free to comment. Oh and the Italics are the thoughts.
A whole month, it’s been a whole month!
This was the surprise Addison Forbes Montgomery had given her self as she sat at her desk in her office. The L.A sunshine broke through the slats of the vertical blind, and she smiled staring into the pages of her schedule, checking for today’s appointments. I can’t believe it’s been a whole month, it’s gone so quickly. She allowed herself to briefly think about each of the people she had left behind in Seattle, and then continued to prepare herself for the patients she would see that day. She glanced up from her desk and saw her Sam, Naomi, and Violet milling around, going about their daily routines. A knock at the door disturbed her thoughts.
“Come in”
“And how is Dr. Montgomery this morning?” asked Pete, as he walked over to her desk sliding a coffee towards her.
“Very well, thank you” she said picking up the coffee, and taking a sip. All the while keeping their eyes firmly gazing into the others.
Raining, again, what a surprise. He got out of his car and made his way into the hospital. Getting into the elevator he was still feeling in a horrible mood. What the hell am I doing here, I hate the rain, this is so not me. Just as the doors began to close another hand grabbed it and the doors moved back. Derek stepped into the elevator and looked at his former best friend.
“You look like I feel” He said, as Mark stared directly ahead not even acknowledging another persons presence until he spoke.
“Why, what’s wrong with you? Trouble in paradise” Mark asked, he knew instinctively when he looked at Derek that there was something wrong.
“It’s Meredith”
“No surprises there, only a woman can make a man look that miserable”
“Addison?”
“Who else” replied Mark
Derek nodded, he looked at the man in the corner, it was still Mark, but he wasn’t the Mark he had known, or the Mark he had hated. He was clearly miserable. It was horrible seeing him like that. “Go after her then”
“What!”
“Go after her Mark, she left you stayed, go after her. Won’t you regret it if you don’t?”
“I’ve followed her before, and it got me no where”
At this Derek hit the stop button. Mark looked up at him with a questioning look on his face.
“Mark, I tried with Meredith, I loved her, I still love her and she still couldn’t stop pushing me away. You love Addison right? You wouldn’t look like a hobo if you didn’t…..”
“I do not look like a hobo, you do”
“Just let me finish, but how do you know she doesn’t feel the same. You both kept screwing up. Go and see her, at this moment in time what have you got to loose?”
“Nothing”
“Exactly” said Derek releasing the button on the elevator and it began to whir back into life.
“You really are a hopeless romantic aren’t you” asked Mark sarcastically
“Shut up…manwhore” replied Derek as the doors pinged open.
Both men chuckled as they left. “Is that the best come back you had” said Mark as they began leaving and turned to walk off in opposite directions.
Mark made his way to the chief’s office, feeling some what happier. His conversation with Derek hadn’t been normal, well, not how it used to be. But he hadn’t been hateful either, and he’d told him to go after Addison. It pained Mark to see him miserable but he knew there was little he could do. There was no way Derek would let him in enough for Mark to help him. But he had decided, he would go to L.A. He would go to L.A and see Addison, and then even if he left without her he would come back and help Derek in anyway he could. He just had to tell the chief he needed a leave of absence. He was contemplating how to tell him this as he rounded the corner towards the chief’s, literally bumping into Miranda Bailey. She scowled up at him.
“Dr. Bailey….sorry I wasn’t looking”
“Hmm...Yeah its fine Dr. Sloan”
She began to walk off she looked troubled.
“Dr. Bailey”
“Yes?”
“Is everything O.K.?”
“Yes, I’m fine” and she turned on her heel and walked off in the opposite direction. “Callie is chief resident, but I’m fine. My intern failed his exam but I’m fine. I’m just dandy” she said under her breathe.
Meredith sat in the locker room, her head in her hands. She wasn’t really thinking of anything except that she had drunk far too much tequila the night before. But she hadn’t ended up sleeping with anyone in appropriate, which was good. Come to think of it, she’d slept with no one since Derek. Maybe I should do an Addison and take a leave of absence and disappear somewhere. Then maybe I could move on or whatever. Her thoughts were rudely interrupted.
“Where ever you are wishing you were, take me with you?”
Meredith looked up at Christina, and half smiled.
“That bad?”
“Burke, he’s everywhere. Even when he’s not there he’s everywhere. He’s in my head, and I hate it. This is not me. I need a surgery, a good one. Or an intern to torture. Come on let’s go find Torres, she has to have something”
“I’ll be right behind you, I’m just going to sit here for a minute.”
“But there’s interns to torture, and people to cut”
“Yeah, your right, lets go” said Meredith heaving herself to her feet.
“Karev - pick an intern and find Sloan, Stevens - take one and go to the pit, Yang - Burke, Grey - Shepherd” barked Callie. This was met with appeals and whines from Christina and Meredith.
“Hey, Hey, HEY! Look I have bigger problems at the moment. Did Bailey let you get away with this last year? That’s what I thought, now go.”
“God, sometimes I wonder how George puts up with her” retorted Christina not really caring whether or not Callie was in ear shot.
“That’s why he has Izzie, she isn’t so satanic, making us work with them. You’d think she’d be more understanding?”
“Why because she’s with George, and she knows about it all, or because she’s a woman? I don’t think either matter to her, you know this is probably why her and Satan always got on so well.”
“You know you’re…”
“McDreamy 12 o’clock”
“Dr. Grey, Dr. Yang”
“Dr. Shepherd” replied Christina, sensing the tension “Yeah well I’m going to go…erm. I’m just going to go”
Meredith’s eyes burned into him, it hurt so much to have her look at him like that. But he would rather have that and be near her than be looking on from afar.
“Dr. Grey, I’m going to be clipping an aneurism in OR2 later, I thought you would like to scrub in. Also I’m needed for a consult in the pit if you wouldn’t mind coming with me.”
“Actually, I do mind. Can’t you take Christina, or ask someone else?”
“No, you’re the resident I got, and you’re the only one I want as I have said before” he said looking at her with those McDreamy eyes, that she tried oh so hard to be strong against.
“Fine, let’s go”
“Dr. Burke, I’m your resident today” said Christina, after she had stood watching him for about 5 minutes mustering the strength to go over to him and not break down. It was the first time she had had to work with him since the wedding. He had left town that day and had only been back a week. She had moved some of her things to Meredith’s as she hated sleeping in Burkes apartment alone. And at the hospital she had been avoiding him at all costs, but today she had to face the music.
“Christina, I...I...I have a patient in room 2104, lets go.” He had so much more to say but where did he begin? He knew it must have been painful for her too, but she was professional and so was he. In a way that made it harder because it made him love her more.
The silence between them was deafening, he had to say something.
“I hear Meredith and Shepherd are over”
“Yes, they didn’t make it”
“It’s a shame I know he really loved her”
“She loved him too more than words could say” and suddenly they weren’t talking about Meredith and Derek anymore.
“No, no, no, I need an earlier one…. Well there must be…. Look I don’t care how much it costs, I need a flight and I need one now. That’s fine, thank you”. Hanging up the phone Mark grabbed his bag and walked to the hotel’s front desk. “Checking out please”
“Mr. Cooper, 32, suffered a severe head trauma after an RTA. He is scheduled for surgery later today to remove a blood clot from his brain. How are you feeling Mr. Cooper?” asked Derek.
“I’d feel better if you could get hold of my fiancé.”
“I believe the nurse has tried, but I’ll ask her again. This is Dr. Grey, she will be scrubbing in on your surgery later today. I’m going to leave you in her capable hands.” He said with a smile. “Dr. Grey if you could ask an intern to assist you on getting the necessary labs, and make sure Mr. Cooper is as comfortable as possible.”
“Yes, Dr. Shepherd” replied Meredith as he left the room, glad that he had left, which meant he wasn’t looking at her in that way that he always did.
“What’s the name of your fiancé Mr. Cooper?”
“Sarah. She’s…she’s” he answered mid sobs “She’s my everything, but she won’t come. But please try once more, please. I wish I had tried, she’d be here now.” Meredith stood at the foot of his bed looking from the patient, to his chart, not really knowing how to respond. “She really loved me, but I was scared, I couldn’t…couldn’t...I…If I survive this surgery, then I won’t run any more. I’ll be the man and be there. I mean, how often do you find someone that loves you that much, that you can love back? She’s my one you know? The love of my life…she’s my…she’s my person, you know”
“Yes, Mr. Cooper, I know.” Answered Meredith as she began to exit the room, tears welling in her eyes as she made her way to the nearest supply closet, praying that no body saw as a torrent of tears began to fall.
Meredith stood with tears streaming down her face, the top of her forehead leaning against the wall of the supply closet. Her arms resting on the way above her head, blocking out any light, as she tried to control her tears by concentrating on one spot on the floor. Little did she know, she had been spotted entering the supply closet, Izzie had been waiting for her intern to return, at the nurses’ station when Meredith hurriedly left the patients room. Nurse Debbie, who was also at the nurse’s desk, exchanged a glance with Izzie. She knew it would be all over the hospital soon that Meredith was upset, again. So without making to much fuss Izzie finished the chart she was filling in, laid it down, and walked calmly across to the closet.
“Mer? Is everything o.k.?” Izzie asked only to be greeted by the sounds of sniffs. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” she said wrapping her arm around Meredith. She pulled her away from the wall, and Meredith flung her arms around Izzie’s neck and sobbed uncontrollably into her shoulder. Shocked at this reaction Izzie held her friend tight.
“He loves me Izzie, he really loves, me. He said I’m the love of his life, and I chickened out. I was scared. Christina didn’t get her happy ending, so how could someone as dark and twisty as me get a happy ending? I ran, I just ran. Now, he’s looking at me with those...those puppy dog McDreamy eyes and he’s saying these things to me.”
“What things?” Izzie asked as she let go of Meredith, as the sobbing was relenting. She fished through her pockets for a tissue, and handed it to Meredith who began dabbing her eyes.
“He said that I’m the only one he wants, which is what he practically said before Christina and Burke didn’t get married”
“Well that’s good isn’t it? He still loves you, you love him. There are no obstacles here Meredith. It’s not as if he’s still married, and Satan’s left Seattle” Izzie added glancing at the floor as she thought about George.
“I know, but he asks me to communicate, and I do, and then he says he can’t keep breathing for me, and then he says I keep walking away. He always needs something more from me, I keep trying and he keeps asking for more. What if I’m not good enough, and then he just walks away?”
“I dunno Mer, but is he worth the risk? I mean at the minute what do you have to loose? He loves you, but you aren’t together. He’s told you, that you dark and twisty Meredith are the love of his life. He loves you. I mean seriously, Mer you have to talk to him. You can’t give up just because Christina and Burke didn’t work. I mean I love Christina and all but she’s a frikkin’ robot. You are human Meredith, so start acting like one”
“I think it’s too late”
“Its never too late, you have to try. I mean how would you feel if you loved him, and he loved you back but you couldn’t be together. That would be horrible.” Tears began to well in Izzie’s eyes.
“Denny?” Meredith asked
“Yeah” Izzie lied, “Come on before someone things we are doing the McNasty in here”
I hope this won’t take much longer. “Dr. Yang are you ready to scrub in for my aortic valve replacement?”
“Of course Dr. Burke”
“Good well, I suggest get some lunch and I will see you in the OR”
Christina breathed a sigh of relief, Can today get any worse? It was Christina’s current idea of hell. All day with Burke, who she couldn’t stop thinking about, the man who left her at the alter, because he wanted to set her free, when all she really wanted was to be with him. It was absolute torture. She was so happy to see Izzie and Meredith sat at a table in the cafeteria she could of hugged them. See that’s exactly the sort of thing I mean he’s changed me, I’ve lost my edge. She plopped her tray down on their table, neither friend looked up. “Jeez, what happened to you two? You look like it was you that has had to spend all day making awkward conversations with the man that left you on your wedding day.”
“Oh God, sorry Christina, how bad was it?” asked Izzie, looking up from her plate of food that she had been pushing round with her fork.
“It could have been worse, at least I get to cut later. You know maybe I can use this, if Burke feels guilty maybe he’ll let me scrub in on all his surgeries.”
“But won’t you have to spend time with him then?”
“Oh whatever, I’m allowed to be bitter, I don’t want to be. But I am allowed O.K. What’s wrong with Mer?”
“Rough day, she’s finally realized how much McDreamy wants her, and how much she wants him, but apparently...” turns and looks at Meredith “It’s too late”.