FIC: Hope, Chapter Three (WIP)
Sorry it's been a while between updates! RL interference and what not.
Please refer to Chapter One for all warnings and summary.
Beta'd by the lovely marianna_merlo
From now until the day I die, I will always remind myself of how many people in my life care about me. I remind myself of their selfless intentions, and appreciate everything they have done and will do for me. Those with selfish motivations, while not immediately apparent, when discovered are discarded from my life. If I knew then what I know now, things would have been different. If I knew the truth, we could have saved ourselves so much pain.
-
Harry walked down the last of the stairs and headed towards the kitchen. He had slept soundly, exhaustion having taken over his mind and putting him to sleep. He still felt emotionally exhausted despite it, though.
He entered the kitchen. It was early, and he hadn’t expected anyone to be awake and up just yet. He hesitated in the doorway and looked at Ron sitting at the table, staring at his cereal and barely eating.
Ron looked up. They looked at each other, and there was a moment of awkwardness. But the moment passed quickly.
“You alright mate?” Ron asked casually.
“Yeah, you?” Harry replied.
“Suppose,” Ron said, around a mouthful of cereal.
Harry sat down opposite Ron and poured himself a bowl. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes while each nursed his food, barely eating.
“Wanna go flying today, mate?” Ron asked.
“Sounds good,” Harry replied. “I’m not eating this, you ready?”
“Yeah, meet back here in five, gotta change and get my broom.”
“Cool, five minutes.”
They both dumped their plates in the sink, guessing Mrs. Weasley wouldn’t mind them not cleaning up this once. Both rushed to the stairs and up to their separate rooms. Less than five minutes later, both were ready with brooms and headed out the door. Ron even managed to find a bag of sweets to bring along.
Once Harry was in the air, his cares seemed to just fall away from him as his speed and height increased. He and Ron sped over the fields of Devon, heading as far and fast away as possible from all the pain behind them. They swooped and feinted, they chased each other back and forth and had a generally good time.
After what felt like hours later, they finally settled on a hill, a small patch of trees topping it’s grassy plains. The Burrow was nowhere in sight. They sat down under the trees and Ron whipped out his sweet bag. They passed it back and forth in silence for a while, eating sweets and watching the world go by.
“So,” Ron finally said.
“So,” Harry said back.
“I take it you didn’t know anything, then,” Ron said.
“About… what happened last night? No, I didn’t.”
“Neither. Fuck, mate. Hermione with Neville and Dra… well, two other blokes? What the hell was she thinking? What did I do wrong?”
“I dunno, Ron.”
“And a baby, I just don’t know what to do.”
“Are you - “ Harry started. He didn’t know how to phrase this without sounding insensitive. “Are you going to end things?”
There was a silence.
“I don’t know what to do, Harry. What if the baby is actually mine? She’s cheated on me twice, but we have a child together? How do I handle that? How do I move on and play happy family? And worse, what if it isn’t mine? How do I try to stay with her and raise someone else’s child? Potentially, my best mate’s partner’s child?” Ron paused. “How do we get ourselves into this shit?”
“I dunno.”
“But there is a baby involved. I can’t just desert her. Fuck, aren’t babies supposed to be happy occasions? This kid is going to be so fucked up. And this is Hermione we’re talking about. She was our friend before she was my wife.” Ron shook his head and looked at Harry. “What about you and Draco?” he asked carefully.
Harry sat there, picking at the grass and staring at the ground. He didn’t know what to say.
“I need time to figure it out. I don’t know.”
“Mmm,” Ron agreed.
“I just don’t know what to think. Draco says he’s sorry, it was a mistake and he barely knew what he was doing. That it would never happen again. He wants me to forgive him. But I’m just... so hurt. How could both of them do this to us?”
“I don’t know. It’s out of character for Hermione, this behaviour. Last night, she said she loved me, and she’s so scared of herself, and can’t understand what came over her. She says she never intended for anything to happen with either of them, and she’s been keeping it a secret because she’s so ashamed of herself. She said she loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. What a joke.”
They sat in silence for a while.
“I don’t think I can forgive Hermione,” Ron finally stated.
Harry looked at him. “She’s been our friend since we were eleven, we can’t just abandon her.”
“You’re right,” Ron agreed. “I’m just saying, I don’t think I can forgive her and go back to being a happy family with her. I’ll support her, especially with the baby, but I don’t think I can be her husband anymore.”
Harry looked at the ground. The breaking of his two best friends’ relationship was almost as hard to take. If Ron couldn’t forgive Hermione, how could he forgive Draco?
“I know what you’re thinking, mate. If you choose to give Draco another shot, no one will think any less of you, you have to know that. I’ll support you if you choose to give him another shot. I’ll support you if you choose to kick his arse to the curb, of course, as well. And Mum will always support whatever action you take, you know that. If you want her to kick him out of the family, she will, but if you want her to act like this never happened, she can do that too. You’re family, Harry, and we’ll look after you.”
“Thanks Ron, it means a lot.”
“Anytime. Pass the sweets,” Ron said, grabbing for the bag.
They finished the sweets over the next twenty minutes, sitting in silence.
“Draco and Hermione,” Harry said. “I’m still not even sure I can get my head around it.”
“You’re telling me, and I thought the bloke was gay!” Ron said jokingly.
“Hey!” Harry exclaimed, but laughed anyway. The cheer quickly left the two, though.
“What if it’s Draco’s baby?” Harry asked quietly.
Ron looked up at the sky and swallowed heavily. “We’ll just have to find a way to make it work, I suppose. It’s not like we can just kick them both out to deal with their illegitimate love child.”
“Urgh, that sounds so wrong.”
“You’re telling me,” Ron sighed.
“I think we should head back soon. I’m sure we’re hours away from the Burrow, and it looks like the sun is starting to set,” Harry said.
“Yeah, I suppose. I don’t really want to go back. I’ll have to face her again.”
“So she’s staying at the Burrow for the time being?”
“Yeah. She wanted to leave and go back to her parents’ place or something, but I wouldn’t let her. Told her to take our room, and I slept on the couch. She’s pregnant, and like you said, we can’t just abandon her.”
“Mmmm. I should probably go check on Draco, make sure he’s not in a ditch or something.”
“Draco didn’t come back last night?”
“No. I’m assuming he went back to our place in London. I should probably go check.”
“Mmm, OK then. Fly home, then? Or do you want to just Apparate?”
“Nah, definitely fly back.”
“Alright, let’s go.”
-
Harry had dragged his feet once he had got back to the Burrow, and spent a long time showering and changing into clean clothes. He procrastinated until it was seven o’clock at night and finally had to bite the bullet and Disapparate home. If Draco wasn’t there, he could be in trouble, and Harry had to check. Mrs Weasley said on his way out that she would be serving dessert promptly at nine and if he wasn’t home by ten she’d be sending a search party. Oh, and that she would save him leftovers.
Harry Apparated straight into the living room of the London townhouse he shared with Draco. It had been empty the past five weeks while Harry and Draco had holidayed with the Weasleys over Christmas during the extended break the whole family had taken. They’d taken six weeks leave total from work and were five weeks through it, due back to work at the end of the next week.
Now, in the living room, Harry was struggling to find the courage to face Draco, if he was here somewhere.
He checked all the downstairs areas first, the living room, kitchen, hallway, downstairs bathroom, even the pantry. He mentally argued with himself over that one, claiming he had to be thorough, just in case.
He finally approached the staircase and steeled his courage. There were three bedrooms upstairs, one which had been turned into a study, the other a guest bedroom, and the main with walk-in robe and ensuite. He turned to the right when he got to the top of the stairs and checked the study first, the smallest of the rooms. It was empty, like the rest of the house had been so far. He turned to the left and checked the spare bedroom. He had to be sure, but there was nothing there.
Knowing there was only one other place he could be, and knowing from the beginning it was the most likely place he could have found Draco, Harry walked to the end of the hallway and opened the door to the main bedroom.
There, on the mahogany king-sized bed he had shared with Draco for the past four years, was the blonde he was searching for. He was curled up in a tight ball, in nothing but white Calvin Klein briefs, the covers knocked back from his body. He was semi-awake and lying on Harry’s side of the bed, facing inwards towards the wall on the opposite side of the room. He was crying softly. He looked like he hadn’t moved all day and he hadn’t noticed Harry or the door opening. The sight tugged at Harry’s heart, and he didn’t think about what he did next.
Thinking only to hold him and stop the tears, forgetting the events of the past twenty-four hours, Harry quietly took off his shoes and walked to the bed. He laid down behind Draco on the thin part of the bed, and snuggled in close to the blonde. He held him tightly, squeezing him to his chest and putting his face into the crook of his neck. He inhaled the familiar scent that was Draco.
Draco’s eyes flew open the minute he felt Harry’s arms wrap around him.
“Harry - “
“Shhhh,” Harry interrupted, not ready to talk.
“But,” Draco tried to start again, attempting to turn. Harry just held him firmly and didn’t let him continue.
“I don’t want to talk Draco. I had to check that you were alive, and you are. I didn’t know where you went last night.”
“Does this mean… Well do you - “
“It doesn’t mean anything. It means I care about you and always will, and had to check you weren’t lying in a ditch somewhere. Nothing more.”
“Then why - “
“Because I want to, alright! Just shut up.”
Draco sighed and stopped trying to talk. Harry felt him relax back into his hold and saw him wipe a few stray tears from his face. They stayed that way for nearly fifteen minutes.
Harry finally moved and sat up, feet over the edge and facing away from Draco. Draco turned to face him.
“I should go,” Harry started. “Mrs. Weasley is expecting me back.”
“OK,” Draco said quietly.
Harry sighed and stood up.
“Wait,” Draco said suddenly sitting up in a swift movement.
“What?” Harry said, turning back.
“I’m hurting, Harry. Really hurting. I’m not sure I can handle not knowing where we stand. I don’t know what I will do if you can’t find it in yourself to give us another go. Please.” He sobbed.
Harry put his hands over his face. “I don’t know what to do, Draco. It’s so messed up.”
Draco looked down at the bed. “I’ll accept whatever you decide. I still honestly don’t know what happened or how it managed to get that far, and I am sorry for it every second of every minute of the day. I would never hurt you like this, and I don’t know how it’s happened.”
“Stop saying that. You’re a responsible adult and you made your own decisions. Now we have to deal with the consequences. You’re hurting, how do you think I feel?”
“I know, Harry, I am so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”
Harry turned to leave. He got to the door and put on his shoes. Just as he was about to open the door and go through, he was stopped once more. His hand hesitated on the doorknob as Draco spoke.
“I love you,” Draco said.
“I love you, too.”
Chapter Four
Please refer to Chapter One for all warnings and summary.
Beta'd by the lovely marianna_merlo
From now until the day I die, I will always remind myself of how many people in my life care about me. I remind myself of their selfless intentions, and appreciate everything they have done and will do for me. Those with selfish motivations, while not immediately apparent, when discovered are discarded from my life. If I knew then what I know now, things would have been different. If I knew the truth, we could have saved ourselves so much pain.
-
Harry walked down the last of the stairs and headed towards the kitchen. He had slept soundly, exhaustion having taken over his mind and putting him to sleep. He still felt emotionally exhausted despite it, though.
He entered the kitchen. It was early, and he hadn’t expected anyone to be awake and up just yet. He hesitated in the doorway and looked at Ron sitting at the table, staring at his cereal and barely eating.
Ron looked up. They looked at each other, and there was a moment of awkwardness. But the moment passed quickly.
“You alright mate?” Ron asked casually.
“Yeah, you?” Harry replied.
“Suppose,” Ron said, around a mouthful of cereal.
Harry sat down opposite Ron and poured himself a bowl. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes while each nursed his food, barely eating.
“Wanna go flying today, mate?” Ron asked.
“Sounds good,” Harry replied. “I’m not eating this, you ready?”
“Yeah, meet back here in five, gotta change and get my broom.”
“Cool, five minutes.”
They both dumped their plates in the sink, guessing Mrs. Weasley wouldn’t mind them not cleaning up this once. Both rushed to the stairs and up to their separate rooms. Less than five minutes later, both were ready with brooms and headed out the door. Ron even managed to find a bag of sweets to bring along.
Once Harry was in the air, his cares seemed to just fall away from him as his speed and height increased. He and Ron sped over the fields of Devon, heading as far and fast away as possible from all the pain behind them. They swooped and feinted, they chased each other back and forth and had a generally good time.
After what felt like hours later, they finally settled on a hill, a small patch of trees topping it’s grassy plains. The Burrow was nowhere in sight. They sat down under the trees and Ron whipped out his sweet bag. They passed it back and forth in silence for a while, eating sweets and watching the world go by.
“So,” Ron finally said.
“So,” Harry said back.
“I take it you didn’t know anything, then,” Ron said.
“About… what happened last night? No, I didn’t.”
“Neither. Fuck, mate. Hermione with Neville and Dra… well, two other blokes? What the hell was she thinking? What did I do wrong?”
“I dunno, Ron.”
“And a baby, I just don’t know what to do.”
“Are you - “ Harry started. He didn’t know how to phrase this without sounding insensitive. “Are you going to end things?”
There was a silence.
“I don’t know what to do, Harry. What if the baby is actually mine? She’s cheated on me twice, but we have a child together? How do I handle that? How do I move on and play happy family? And worse, what if it isn’t mine? How do I try to stay with her and raise someone else’s child? Potentially, my best mate’s partner’s child?” Ron paused. “How do we get ourselves into this shit?”
“I dunno.”
“But there is a baby involved. I can’t just desert her. Fuck, aren’t babies supposed to be happy occasions? This kid is going to be so fucked up. And this is Hermione we’re talking about. She was our friend before she was my wife.” Ron shook his head and looked at Harry. “What about you and Draco?” he asked carefully.
Harry sat there, picking at the grass and staring at the ground. He didn’t know what to say.
“I need time to figure it out. I don’t know.”
“Mmm,” Ron agreed.
“I just don’t know what to think. Draco says he’s sorry, it was a mistake and he barely knew what he was doing. That it would never happen again. He wants me to forgive him. But I’m just... so hurt. How could both of them do this to us?”
“I don’t know. It’s out of character for Hermione, this behaviour. Last night, she said she loved me, and she’s so scared of herself, and can’t understand what came over her. She says she never intended for anything to happen with either of them, and she’s been keeping it a secret because she’s so ashamed of herself. She said she loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. What a joke.”
They sat in silence for a while.
“I don’t think I can forgive Hermione,” Ron finally stated.
Harry looked at him. “She’s been our friend since we were eleven, we can’t just abandon her.”
“You’re right,” Ron agreed. “I’m just saying, I don’t think I can forgive her and go back to being a happy family with her. I’ll support her, especially with the baby, but I don’t think I can be her husband anymore.”
Harry looked at the ground. The breaking of his two best friends’ relationship was almost as hard to take. If Ron couldn’t forgive Hermione, how could he forgive Draco?
“I know what you’re thinking, mate. If you choose to give Draco another shot, no one will think any less of you, you have to know that. I’ll support you if you choose to give him another shot. I’ll support you if you choose to kick his arse to the curb, of course, as well. And Mum will always support whatever action you take, you know that. If you want her to kick him out of the family, she will, but if you want her to act like this never happened, she can do that too. You’re family, Harry, and we’ll look after you.”
“Thanks Ron, it means a lot.”
“Anytime. Pass the sweets,” Ron said, grabbing for the bag.
They finished the sweets over the next twenty minutes, sitting in silence.
“Draco and Hermione,” Harry said. “I’m still not even sure I can get my head around it.”
“You’re telling me, and I thought the bloke was gay!” Ron said jokingly.
“Hey!” Harry exclaimed, but laughed anyway. The cheer quickly left the two, though.
“What if it’s Draco’s baby?” Harry asked quietly.
Ron looked up at the sky and swallowed heavily. “We’ll just have to find a way to make it work, I suppose. It’s not like we can just kick them both out to deal with their illegitimate love child.”
“Urgh, that sounds so wrong.”
“You’re telling me,” Ron sighed.
“I think we should head back soon. I’m sure we’re hours away from the Burrow, and it looks like the sun is starting to set,” Harry said.
“Yeah, I suppose. I don’t really want to go back. I’ll have to face her again.”
“So she’s staying at the Burrow for the time being?”
“Yeah. She wanted to leave and go back to her parents’ place or something, but I wouldn’t let her. Told her to take our room, and I slept on the couch. She’s pregnant, and like you said, we can’t just abandon her.”
“Mmmm. I should probably go check on Draco, make sure he’s not in a ditch or something.”
“Draco didn’t come back last night?”
“No. I’m assuming he went back to our place in London. I should probably go check.”
“Mmm, OK then. Fly home, then? Or do you want to just Apparate?”
“Nah, definitely fly back.”
“Alright, let’s go.”
-
Harry had dragged his feet once he had got back to the Burrow, and spent a long time showering and changing into clean clothes. He procrastinated until it was seven o’clock at night and finally had to bite the bullet and Disapparate home. If Draco wasn’t there, he could be in trouble, and Harry had to check. Mrs Weasley said on his way out that she would be serving dessert promptly at nine and if he wasn’t home by ten she’d be sending a search party. Oh, and that she would save him leftovers.
Harry Apparated straight into the living room of the London townhouse he shared with Draco. It had been empty the past five weeks while Harry and Draco had holidayed with the Weasleys over Christmas during the extended break the whole family had taken. They’d taken six weeks leave total from work and were five weeks through it, due back to work at the end of the next week.
Now, in the living room, Harry was struggling to find the courage to face Draco, if he was here somewhere.
He checked all the downstairs areas first, the living room, kitchen, hallway, downstairs bathroom, even the pantry. He mentally argued with himself over that one, claiming he had to be thorough, just in case.
He finally approached the staircase and steeled his courage. There were three bedrooms upstairs, one which had been turned into a study, the other a guest bedroom, and the main with walk-in robe and ensuite. He turned to the right when he got to the top of the stairs and checked the study first, the smallest of the rooms. It was empty, like the rest of the house had been so far. He turned to the left and checked the spare bedroom. He had to be sure, but there was nothing there.
Knowing there was only one other place he could be, and knowing from the beginning it was the most likely place he could have found Draco, Harry walked to the end of the hallway and opened the door to the main bedroom.
There, on the mahogany king-sized bed he had shared with Draco for the past four years, was the blonde he was searching for. He was curled up in a tight ball, in nothing but white Calvin Klein briefs, the covers knocked back from his body. He was semi-awake and lying on Harry’s side of the bed, facing inwards towards the wall on the opposite side of the room. He was crying softly. He looked like he hadn’t moved all day and he hadn’t noticed Harry or the door opening. The sight tugged at Harry’s heart, and he didn’t think about what he did next.
Thinking only to hold him and stop the tears, forgetting the events of the past twenty-four hours, Harry quietly took off his shoes and walked to the bed. He laid down behind Draco on the thin part of the bed, and snuggled in close to the blonde. He held him tightly, squeezing him to his chest and putting his face into the crook of his neck. He inhaled the familiar scent that was Draco.
Draco’s eyes flew open the minute he felt Harry’s arms wrap around him.
“Harry - “
“Shhhh,” Harry interrupted, not ready to talk.
“But,” Draco tried to start again, attempting to turn. Harry just held him firmly and didn’t let him continue.
“I don’t want to talk Draco. I had to check that you were alive, and you are. I didn’t know where you went last night.”
“Does this mean… Well do you - “
“It doesn’t mean anything. It means I care about you and always will, and had to check you weren’t lying in a ditch somewhere. Nothing more.”
“Then why - “
“Because I want to, alright! Just shut up.”
Draco sighed and stopped trying to talk. Harry felt him relax back into his hold and saw him wipe a few stray tears from his face. They stayed that way for nearly fifteen minutes.
Harry finally moved and sat up, feet over the edge and facing away from Draco. Draco turned to face him.
“I should go,” Harry started. “Mrs. Weasley is expecting me back.”
“OK,” Draco said quietly.
Harry sighed and stood up.
“Wait,” Draco said suddenly sitting up in a swift movement.
“What?” Harry said, turning back.
“I’m hurting, Harry. Really hurting. I’m not sure I can handle not knowing where we stand. I don’t know what I will do if you can’t find it in yourself to give us another go. Please.” He sobbed.
Harry put his hands over his face. “I don’t know what to do, Draco. It’s so messed up.”
Draco looked down at the bed. “I’ll accept whatever you decide. I still honestly don’t know what happened or how it managed to get that far, and I am sorry for it every second of every minute of the day. I would never hurt you like this, and I don’t know how it’s happened.”
“Stop saying that. You’re a responsible adult and you made your own decisions. Now we have to deal with the consequences. You’re hurting, how do you think I feel?”
“I know, Harry, I am so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”
Harry turned to leave. He got to the door and put on his shoes. Just as he was about to open the door and go through, he was stopped once more. His hand hesitated on the doorknob as Draco spoke.
“I love you,” Draco said.
“I love you, too.”
Chapter Four