FIC: Once in a Blue Moon - Ch 71 (WIP)
Start of the story, including full ratings, warnings, pairings etc. Here
Summary for the new readers watching my journal: An AU Remus/Sirius story set in a world where an eleven year old werewolf named Remus Lupin never got his Hogwarts invitation, and where Sirius Black was not accepted by the rest of the Gryffindors. The two outcasts form a friendship despite overwhelming odds, but will their friendship survive when Sirius finds himself falling in love with his best friend...his friend who wants nothing more than to be 'normal', despite the passion he feels for the heir to the Noble House of Black.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise. J K Rowling retains all copyright.
Losing the Fight (PG15 for language)
Remus didn’t see the attack coming, although he had been expecting it for some time.
“You really do think you’re too good for the rest of us, don’t you?” Higgs said as he stepped in front of Remus, blocking his way out to the yard.
Remus glared and tried to push his way past, but an arm shot out and pushed him into the wall. He wished he had his wand with him, knowing that if he had it, he could hex Higgs good and proper. Unfortunately, his wand was held securely by the staff at the camp, and all he had was his fists, both of which were being held by his captors as they pinned him against the wall.
“We’ve given you the chance to settle in,” Higgs continued. “To make friends and show that you aren’t such a bad sort, but all you’ve done is look down your nose at us while you wait for your precious Sirius Black to come to your rescue.”
“He’s not here to rescue you now though, is he?” Maxwell, Higgs’s second in command sneered.
“Your knight in shining armour seems to have been delayed,” Milbourne added, twisting Remus’s arm back for good measure.
“Take your hands off me,” Remus demanded, kicking out and catching Milbourne in the shin.
“You just aren’t learning,” Higgs commented.
“What do you want with me?” Remus asked. “I’ve stayed out of your way and kept to myself. What’s your problem?”
“You’re my problem,” Higgs replied. “The werewolf wizard. Come on, why don’t you do some magic for us?”
“I don’t have my wand,” Remus said as he struggled to release himself.
Higgs and his friends laughed loudly. “Sounds like the werewolf wizard is impotent.”
“Maybe that’s why his lover doesn’t want him back,” Maxwell suggested. “Perhaps he can’t get it up at all.”
Maxwell leaned in close, a little too close, and Remus spat at him, prompting the other man to deliver a back-hander to his face that sent him reeling to the floor.
Remus was never entirely sure how he did what he did next; wandless magic wasn’t something he had ever seen before or done before. But it was the only thing that could explain why his three tormentors suddenly found themselves being thrown against the wall, the wind knocked out of them and their faces pale.
“Stay away from me,” he warned as he staggered to his feet. “Stay away from me and I’ll stay away from you. Got it?”
Milbourne nodded as he got to his feet. Maxwell and Higgs followed his example.
“Lupin!”
Remus turned to see Warden O’Brien at the far end of the corridor.
“What’s going on here?” she barked as she strode towards them.
“Nothing,” Remus replied, turning away from the Warden to glare at Higgs.
“My office, now!” O’Brien ordered.
Remus sighed and trailed after her. In some ways the woman reminded him of Professor McGonagall, but unlike the Transfiguration Professor, O’Brien didn’t have favourites, or if she did, Remus certainly wasn’t one of them.
She didn’t want to hear explanations, nor did she want to hear who had started the argument. Fighting wasn’t tolerated and punishments for being caught were swift and harsh.
-o-xXx-o-
Sirius sat at the dinner table as his parents and their guest chattered around him and across him, but never to him. It was the first time he had been allowed to eat in the dining room when they had a guest present, and he was already wishing that he were back upstairs in his room.
“Is everything else still working?” Isabelle, the latest potential bride asked, and Sirius attempted to glare in her general direction.
“Of course,” Walburga replied. “We still hope that one day his sight will be restored, too. But in every other way he’s a healthy young man.”
“As long as he can get it up,” Isabelle said with a laugh that reminded Sirius of a braying horse.
“I can assure you my son had a very healthy sex life before the accident,” Orion promised.
Sirius turned his head towards his father and he felt his temper rising at the way he was being discussed like some sort of prize stallion.
“And the fact that your son’s last lover was another man?” Isabelle asked.
“Experimentation,” Walburga replied immediately. “You know teenage boys…”
“It wasn’t-” Sirius began, but once again his words were cut off by his parents, who were doing their best to make sure that he said nothing to jeopardise the plans to marry him off to a suitable pureblood woman.
“I’m thinking August,” Walburga said. “Will that give you enough time to plan everything?”
“I’ve not agreed yet,” Isabelle pointed out.
“And I’m not going to agree at all,” Sirius snapped.
“Be quiet!” Orion snarled back at him.
“Perhaps I should leave you to discuss things with your son?” suggested Isabelle, her tone a lot less pleasant than it had been a few moments before.
Sirius heard her chair scrape back across the wooden floor and the rustle of silk robes as she stood up. He heard his mother following her example, but his father remained in his seat and Sirius knew he was only waiting until their guest was out of earshot before he spoke.
-o-xXx-o-
Remus was kept in one of the camp’s isolation cells for two days, seeing and hearing no one at all. His meals were delivered by magic and removed the same way, and if he hadn’t finished eating it, the remaining food disappeared forever.
He hated every single minute.
From the looks on their faces after they were released back into the main camp, Higgs and the others weren’t too happy about the punishment either. He suspected that being separated, when the three were always seen together, was not going to endear him to them any time soon.
For the week that followed their isolation from the rest of the residents, Remus was watching his back almost constantly and tried not to go anywhere alone if he could help it. This wasn’t too difficult; the camp was a busy place and needed to be far larger than it actually was.
It was actually Greyback who told him that he had nothing to worry about with regard to Higgs and his friends.
“What do you want?” Remus asked when Greyback sat down in the seat opposite him in the refectory.
“Just because you’ve scared off Higgs, it doesn’t mean I’m going to cower away. I’ve seen more of the world than he has, and I don’t scare that easy.”
“What do you want?” Remus repeated.
“Nothing,” Greyback replied with a shrug. “I’m here to give you a bit of advice.”
“Keep it.”
“I didn’t ask you if you want it.”
“I don’t.”
“Well, you’re going to get it anyway.”
Remus glared at him as he cut into his steak and took a huge bite.
“You did good with Higgs,” Greyback said. “But you still aren’t accepting that you’re stuck here, that this is your life now.”
“I’m not going to be here forever,” Remus told him.
“My point exactly,” Greyback countered. “You still expect Black to come and get you out of here. You need to accept that it’s not going to happen.”
“I have accepted it,” Remus replied, knowing it was a lie.
“Then why do you still waste your time researching the spells on his family home?”
“I don’t.” It was the truth; he had reached a dead end weeks ago in that particular avenue of enquiry.
“Why do you continue to write to your so-called friends asking for news of him?”
“You reading my mail now?”
“No, but you just admitted that my guess was correct. And why do you look at the wardens every time they come to fetch someone from in here? Hoping it’ll be you and that they have news that your pureblood lover has come to get you out of here.”
“What’s it to you?” Remus asked. “Why do you care if I haven’t given up hope entirely? It’s none of your damn business!”
Greyback looked at Remus for several long minutes before throwing his head back and laughing loudly. In that moment he reminded Remus of their first meeting, but this time Remus had no intention of asking what was so amusing.
Greyback quickly realised that Remus wasn’t going to ask him to elaborate, but did so anyway. “You’re actually in love with him. A werewolf who’s fallen in love with a pureblood wizard - one of the Blacks no less - it’s priceless.”
Remus felt his face flushing as Greyback continued to wipe the tears of mirth from his eyes.
“You’re a fool,” Greyback told him. “You’re a werewolf, a monster, and the sooner you figure that out, the better. No one can love a monster.”
“Sirius loves me,” Remus snapped.
“Then where is he?”
“He’ll come for me.”
“No one ever came for me,” Greyback pointed out. “Or for any of the other werewolves in this camp. And no one’s coming for you.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Remus asked. “What makes you think that I want your opinion on anything?”
“Because you being a complete prick is making me look like a fool for turning you in the first place!” Greyback snarled.
Remus grinned. “So, my continuing to believe that Sirius is going to come and get me makes you look stupid? Well, there’s another reason for me to believe it. Thanks, Greyback.”
“You’ve changed since the day we first met,” Greyback commented as he pushed back his chair and stood up. “You’re not as much like me as I thought you were.”
“Thank you.”
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
“It is when I never wanted to be like you,” Remus pointed out as he stood up as well. “Telling me that I’m not is the best thing you could have done for me.”
“You’re still a werewolf.”
“But I’m not a monster,” Remus replied with a smile and he turned to walk away.
“Not yet,” Greyback called after him.
“Not ever,” Remus called back, his heart feeling a little lighter for the first time since his incarceration.
He realised now that he had been wrong. Sirius didn’t keep him from becoming a monster by loving him; it was the other way around. By loving Sirius, Remus retained his humanity, and it was his ability to love that kept the monster from taking him over completely. He knew that as long as he loved Sirius, even if he didn’t love him back, he would never be the sort of monster that Greyback had become.
-o-xXx-o-
“You’ll marry in August or I’ll throw you out of my house!” Orion yelled, banging the desk with what Sirius guessed was his fist.
“Then throw me out,” Sirius shouted back. “I hate it here! I’ve hated it here for years.”
“You won’t last more than a few days in the real world,” Orion told him. “You think your friends will want to baby sit you all the time?”
“They-”
“They’ve not even been to see you.”
“You’re saying you’d let James and his wife into the house?” Sirius asked, hoping for a yes, even though he knew that the answer would be no.
“No mudblood will set foot in this house while I’m still breathing,” Orion roared.
“Then how can they visit?” Sirius yelled. “You’ve cut me off from my friends. This house isn’t my home, it’s my prison!”
“You ungrateful little brat! You’ll leave this house on the first of August. I don’t care if you leave as the groom at your wedding or to beg on the streets.”
“Orion,” Walburga chided from her seat by the fire. “Perhaps Sirius has another bride in mind?”
“I find it highly unlikely,” Orion snapped back at her.
“But if you throw him out, then our hopes of a magical heir will disappear.”
“I refuse to let him continue to drain the family funds by lolling about the house.”
“But if he leaves…” Walburga’s voice trailed off, and Sirius got the impression that his parents were having a silent conversation that he couldn’t witness.
Sirius heard sighs and pacing and eventually his father spoke again.
“You’ll marry in August, or you’ll leave this house.”
It seemed that his father had won the argument between his parents, but Sirius had no intention of letting him win the argument with him. One way or another he had to get out of Grimmauld Place, or else he feared that the madness that ran through the Black family would claim their next victim in him.
-o-xXx-o-
“Lupin!”
Remus looked up from his lunch at the sound of a voice shouting his name from the other end of the refectory.
“I think you’re being paged,” Aaron commented with a nod towards the doorway.
“I’m thinking of ignoring him in favour of dessert,” Remus replied.
“Lupin! You’re wanted in the governor’s office!”
Several people made oohing sounds and laughed. Being summoned to the office of the governor was never good news.
“Guess I’d better go see what I’ve done this time,” Remus said with a sigh of resignation.
“Good luck,” Aaron offered, just as he swiped Remus’s dessert dish and grinned at Remus’s annoyed expression.
Remus dragged his feet as much as he could, but found himself in front of the governor’s office all too soon. He raised his hand and knocked.
“Come in,” the governor called from within.
Remus entered the office and closed the door behind him.
“Sit down,” the governor ordered without looking up from his paperwork.
Remus sat down and tried to think of what it was that he could have done to warrant the summons. Sitting and waiting like this was something akin to being called before Dumbledore and Remus was heartily tired of being treated like a misbehaving child.
Finally the governor looked up from the parchment he was scribbling on. “An application has been made by someone who wishes to be your supervisor,” he stated calmly.
“Sirius?” Remus questioned in a breathless voice that he inwardly cursed himself for. After all this time, it was highly unlikely that Sirius would suddenly strut back into his life with an application like this.
The governor looked at the papers before him and shook his head. “I assume you mean Mr Black?” Remus nodded. “The application has been made by a Mr Lupin, who will be arriving here shortly to speak with you.”
“One of my relatives?” Remus whispered. “After all this time?”
“Apparently so. Interview room four has been prepared for the visit. You’d better make your way there.”
Remus nodded mutely and left to make his way down the hall. He wondered which of his relatives had eventually stepped forward to finally claim him as a part of the family. He wasn’t sure whether to be nervous or excited at the prospect. Right now he was settling for terrified.
The interview room was empty when he arrived and he took a seat to wait for his visitor.
He was tapping his fingers on the table and gazing out of the barred window when the door finally opened.
Remus didn’t know who he was expecting to see walk through the door. A grandfather perhaps, or an uncle he had never known he had. He never considered for a moment that it might be his father. He didn’t know much about him, but he knew enough to know that the man would never want anything to do with his youngest son.
But Remus was sure that if his father had walked into the room, he couldn’t have been more surprised than he was at the face of the man who strolled through the door.
“Well, aren’t you going to say anything?”
“What the fuck?” Remus said before he could stop himself.
Romulus Lupin leaned across the table and smacked Remus around the back of his head. “Language,” he scolded.
“Ow,” Remus moaned as he rubbed at the back of his head. “You didn’t have to do that!” The shock of his brother’s arrival was wearing off rapidly thanks to the lump he was sure was forming on the back of his head.
“I’ve been wanting to do that every time you’ve sworn for years,” Romulus replied easily. “Maybe if I’d been able to smack you upside the head once in a while, your language wouldn’t be so bad now.”
“You…” Remus waved his hand in a helpless sort of gesture. “What happened? Why aren’t you still dead?”
“I wasn’t dead in the first place,” Romulus replied. “Now, aren’t you going to tell me how great it is to see me? And don’t you have a hug for your big brother?”
Remus stood up, feeling ever so slightly shaky, and walked around the table. “You’re really here?” he whispered as he pulled his brother into a tight hug.
“Um, Rem, unless you want me back as a ghost, you might want to let me breathe.”
Remus loosened his grip and stood back to look his brother in the eye. “Sorry. I just can’t believe you’re here.”
“In the flesh.”
“Exactly. So tell me, how the f-… er… how have you managed this?”
Romulus smirked at Remus’s near slip up and sat down at the table. Remus knew he should return to his own seat, but he felt he had to keep his brother in touching distance, just in case he vanished again. With that in mind, he perched on the end of the table, his leg bumping against Romulus’s as he waited to hear what he had to say.
“It’s a form of magic,” Romulus explained. “It’s something Dumbledore taught me before I was sent to Azkaban. The basics are simple enough to understand; it’s a form of meditation, normally used in combination with a potion similar to the Draught of Living Death, but possible without it, and thankfully without a wand. When you get it right you can send your spirit outside of your body. It wasn’t easy to concentrate at first, being in there, surrounded by Dementors… well, it took me a while to get it right.”
“Are you saying that you’ve really been in Azkaban all this time?” Remus interrupted.
“My body’s been there. I’ve just not been in it as much as I should have.” Romulus shrugged. “I wouldn’t recommend the place for a holiday, lousy location and worse company.”
“You’re not funny,” Remus muttered. “So, are you going to explain why you’ve been hanging around as a ghost for the last five and a half years, and how come you’re here now?”
“The dementors feed on happy memories, stealing them from you, one by one.”
“I know that,” Remus grumbled. “I got Outstanding for my N.E.W.T. in Defence you know.”
“Of course you did,” Romulus agreed. “But anyway, eventually all your happy memories are gone, and you’re left with only the bad, until it drives you insane.”
“You’ve been making more happy memories,” Remus gasped. “By sending your spirit out of Azkaban, you were making sure you never ran out of good memories.”
“Exactly,” Romulus smiled. “You provided me with so many happy memories, I could never run out as long as I had you to visit.”
“You got six years, which means you got released…” Remus faltered as he made the connection.
“Two days ago,” Romulus confirmed. “I’d have come straight here, but I wanted to get the application to get you out of here sorted out right away.”
“Back up a minute,” Remus asked. “Why didn’t you tell me before? You’ve had over five years to get around to telling me that you weren’t actually dead!”
“Because it might have gone wrong,” Romulus replied quietly. “If you stay out of your body too long, you run the risk of not being able to get back in. Or if the guards had looked too closely at me whilst I was ‘out’ they would have thought me dead and I’d have been buried at sea. If I’d failed, I would have really been dead. I didn’t want you worrying every time I appeared or we’d probably have spent the entire time arguing. Which, I’m sure you’ll agree, wouldn’t be very happy memories. This way, even though you thought I was dead, you hadn’t really lost me. I could keep an eye on you and continually replenish my stock of pleasant memories in the process.”
“You should have told me!” Remus snapped and he jumped to his feet to point an accusing finger at his brother. “You had no right to keep this from me.”
“And if I’d died doing this, you’d have blamed yourself, because I’d have died whilst looking over you.”
“You should still have told me!” Remus yelled, his voice rising so loud that a guard popped his head inside the door to check everything was all right.
“Remus, sit down and stop yelling,” Romulus ordered. “I did what I had to, and even if, for the sake of argument, I could go back and do it again, I would make exactly the same choices.”
“You would? All of them?” Remus looked down at the table and scraped his nails along a groove in the wood. “You missed my first day at Hogwarts, the day I made the Quidditch team and the day we won the Cup. You missed so many days. The very best days of my life and my brother was missing from them. And don’t you dare say you were with Cecily all those times, because it would be too much of a coincidence. ”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want your apologies,” Remus snapped. “I want the truth for once. I want to know why you weren’t there for the best days of my life!”
Romulus frowned momentarily before his face broke into a smile. “You never cease to surprise me,” he finally said. “I would have guessed for certain that you’d want to know why I wasn’t there the day you were captured.”
“Fine, start with that one,” Remus replied, taking a seat at the other side of the table once more. “Where were you?”
“In Azkaban, surrounded by more Dementors than you want to know about,” Romulus stated, his eyes taking on a haunted look. Remus drew in a sharp breath and reached across the table to grasp his brother’s hand firmly. “You were so happy sneaking around the school and I enjoyed watching over you. I got so many happy memories from those months. I didn’t realise that my happy memories were acting like a magnet for the Dementors. Those memories were new and fresh and very strong. The Dementors swarmed in around me to feast on those memories I’d made. It was too much for me and I couldn’t concentrate enough to send my spirit out of there. I didn’t know about your capture until Dumbledore came to visit me after the hearing.”
“Dumbledore came to visit you?” Remus interrupted. “And he didn’t tell me?”
“Of course he didn’t tell you,” Romulus replied. “Anyway, his visit disturbed the Dementors, and I was able to get back to you for the summer. But nothing can prepare you for losing so many of your memories. It’s like a huge chunk of your life, and you can never get it back again. I know I saw you the day you had your first flying lesson; I remember worrying about you getting caught. But I can’t remember anything else about that day; it’s just a blank. They took it from me, just like they took so many other memories.”
“Were the Dementors crowding in on you on my first day?” Remus asked. “Is that why you weren’t there?”
Romulus shook his head. “I wanted to be there,” he finally admitted. “But I couldn’t bear the thought of losing a wonderful memory like that one would have been. Losing the memory of the day you first flew on a broom was dreadful, and there are so many more lost that I don’t even remember having. To lose the memories of all the most important days in your life would have killed me.”
“But now you don’t have those memories at all,” Remus pointed out. “You might not have lost them all.”
“I didn’t want to risk it. Losing memories of you larking about with your friends, getting house points and detentions, you know, all the day to day stuff, wasn’t so bad, because I could always make more of those kinds of memories. You were a never-ending supply of them. But the big memories, the important ones, I hated the idea of losing them so much I chose to stay away, just in case. I’m sorry.”
Remus nodded silently.
“I guess I was a bit of a coward,” Romulus whispered quietly. “I’m not like my baby brother, I’m a Hufflepuff, not a Gryffindor.”
“Oh, Rom,” Remus murmured as he hurried back round the table and flung his arms around his brother’s neck for the second time. He couldn’t stop the tears that were streaming down his face and he sniffled into his brother’s shoulder. “You’re not a coward at all. I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through, and I’m sorry for being such a git now.”
“You’re not a git,” Romulus assured him with a smile as he hugged him back. “You’re my baby brother, and I swear I’m going to get you out of here.”
“Will your application succeed?” Remus asked.
“I don’t know; my criminal record…” Remus snorted. “…will stand against me.”
“They can’t use that against you,” Remus muttered. “That would be totally unfair.”
“Since when is life fair?”
“Good point.”
“So, the plan is to get you out of here, and then we’re going to track down Mr Sirius Black and make him wish he’d never been born.”
Remus watched as his brother’s eyes hardened. “Have you seen Sirius?” he finally asked.
“Not in person,” Romulus replied. He reached into his cloak and pulled out a copy of the Daily Prophet. It was a month old, and looked like it had been read numerous times. Remus looked at where his brother was pointing and thought for a moment he was imagining what he reading.
“No,” he whispered. “He wouldn’t. He couldn’t.”
“It’s right there in the announcements section. It’s not like it’s some gossip doing the rounds, it’s a Black family announcement and even has their official crest on it. Sirius is getting married.”
“He can’t.”
“He’s a Black, Remus. I thought he was different, too. I was wrong. He’s just like the rest of his family. They do what they like, and to hell with everyone else.”
“Sirius wouldn’t,” Remus repeated, his eyes not leaving the parchment.
Remus had barely recovered from the shock of seeing his brother alive and well; he didn’t need another bombshell dropping on him.
“I’ll be back again tomorrow,” Romulus said. “I’ll see you at visiting time.”
Remus nodded mutely, his eyes following the newspaper as Romulus returned it to the inside pocket of his cloak.
They said their goodbyes and Remus wandered blindly back towards his room. He threw himself onto his bed and stared at the ceiling for a long while.
When it started to get dark he idly considered turning on the light, but decided in the end that it was too much effort.
“What did the Governor want?” Aaron asked as he poked his head around the door.
“My brother’s making an application to supervise me,” Remus replied quietly.
“I thought he was dead?”
Remus snorted. “That makes two of us.”
“I take it that means he’s not?”
“Alive and well, or as well as anyone can be after six years in Azkaban.”
“So, why aren’t you delighted at the news? Why are you laying here in the dark with a face like a wet weekend?”
Remus sighed. “He’s getting married.”
“Your brother? Guess he’s a fast worker.”
“Not Rom, Sirius.”
“Oh.”
“He’s really not coming to get me out of here.”
“You’ve known that for a while now,” Aaron pointed out as he walked into the room and sat down on the end of the bed.
“I hate him,” Remus growled. “He made me love him, and then left me here to rot once he’d got what he wanted. I hate him.”
“No, you don’t.”
Remus glared at Aaron. “Yes, I do. I wish I’d never met Sirius bloody Black and want nothing more than to forget about him. I want to forget he even exists!”
Aaron didn’t say anything, he already knew better than to argue with Remus when he was in this sort of a mood.
“I want to punch him!” Remus shouted. “I want to tear his perfect bloody hair right out of his head. I want to… to…”
“Tear his throat out?” Aaron suggested in a quiet tone of voice that didn’t seem to suit the brutal words.
Remus nodded before the implications of the words sank in. “What’s happening to me?” he whispered in horror.
“The wolf’s instincts are becoming stronger than the human ones,” Aaron explained.
Remus shook his head. “I’m not going to be controlled by the wolf.”
“You think you can stop it?”
“Sirius - or my love for him - it kept me human,” Remus whispered. “I need him.”
“You need to find another reason to live,” Aaron told him. “If you don’t, you’ll become a monster.”
“I won’t be a monster,” Remus insisted. “I won’t!”
-o-xXx-o-
“I’m going to the press conference,” Sirius stated for the fourth time. “I owe it to Remus’s memory to be there.”
He heard his father’s intake of breath at Remus’s name and smiled inwardly.
“You don’t owe that half-breed anything,” Orion argued. “You barely did anything to help that old fool with his potion. There’s no reason for you to be there.”
“Belby wants me to speak to the people there about our work,” Sirius said. “I’ve already agreed.”
“You don’t expect your mother or I to take time out of our busy schedules to baby sit you?”
“Regulus isn’t working that day; he’ll come with me.”
“And what do you intend to say to this crowd of fools?” Walburga asked. “What could you possibly have to say that would interest them?”
“I’ve been preparing a speech,” Sirius said. “I’ve got it pretty much memorised.”
“Let’s hear it,” Orion said.
“Why?” Sirius asked in confusion. “It’s just boring stuff about the potion and where the idea came from for using Wolfsbane.”
“Do you intend to talk about your sordid relationship with him?” Walburga asked.
Sirius shook his head. “I don’t think I could mention his name without breaking down or making a complete idiot out of myself.”
“Well, that at least is something,” Walburga replied. “You’ve disgraced the family enough with your perversions. When is this conference?”
“Saturday,” Sirius replied. “I’ll be glad to get out of the house for once.”
He sighed and reached for a bread roll, cursing Kreacher under his breath for placing the basket in a different place every bloody night. Just a few more days and he would be able to leave the house, if only for a few hours. He didn’t know why, but as the months had passed he was feeling less like a temporary guest and more and more like a prisoner, and he was relishing the idea of a few hours of freedom from his ever-present guards.
He wondered if he could persuade Regulus to take him to visit James and Lily. He was anxious to talk to his friends again and wished that they could have visited him. Unfortunately, no matter how much Sirius wanted it, Orion and Walburga had made it clear that there would be no Potters in their house and certainly no mudbloods.
Sirius didn’t bother to mention his intention to visit his friends. He would casually suggest it to Regulus after the conference, and if he refused to escort him, Sirius would just have to apparate away and hope that being blind didn’t prevent him from arriving at his destination.
-
Chapter 72
Summary for the new readers watching my journal: An AU Remus/Sirius story set in a world where an eleven year old werewolf named Remus Lupin never got his Hogwarts invitation, and where Sirius Black was not accepted by the rest of the Gryffindors. The two outcasts form a friendship despite overwhelming odds, but will their friendship survive when Sirius finds himself falling in love with his best friend...his friend who wants nothing more than to be 'normal', despite the passion he feels for the heir to the Noble House of Black.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise. J K Rowling retains all copyright.
Losing the Fight (PG15 for language)
Remus didn’t see the attack coming, although he had been expecting it for some time.
“You really do think you’re too good for the rest of us, don’t you?” Higgs said as he stepped in front of Remus, blocking his way out to the yard.
Remus glared and tried to push his way past, but an arm shot out and pushed him into the wall. He wished he had his wand with him, knowing that if he had it, he could hex Higgs good and proper. Unfortunately, his wand was held securely by the staff at the camp, and all he had was his fists, both of which were being held by his captors as they pinned him against the wall.
“We’ve given you the chance to settle in,” Higgs continued. “To make friends and show that you aren’t such a bad sort, but all you’ve done is look down your nose at us while you wait for your precious Sirius Black to come to your rescue.”
“He’s not here to rescue you now though, is he?” Maxwell, Higgs’s second in command sneered.
“Your knight in shining armour seems to have been delayed,” Milbourne added, twisting Remus’s arm back for good measure.
“Take your hands off me,” Remus demanded, kicking out and catching Milbourne in the shin.
“You just aren’t learning,” Higgs commented.
“What do you want with me?” Remus asked. “I’ve stayed out of your way and kept to myself. What’s your problem?”
“You’re my problem,” Higgs replied. “The werewolf wizard. Come on, why don’t you do some magic for us?”
“I don’t have my wand,” Remus said as he struggled to release himself.
Higgs and his friends laughed loudly. “Sounds like the werewolf wizard is impotent.”
“Maybe that’s why his lover doesn’t want him back,” Maxwell suggested. “Perhaps he can’t get it up at all.”
Maxwell leaned in close, a little too close, and Remus spat at him, prompting the other man to deliver a back-hander to his face that sent him reeling to the floor.
Remus was never entirely sure how he did what he did next; wandless magic wasn’t something he had ever seen before or done before. But it was the only thing that could explain why his three tormentors suddenly found themselves being thrown against the wall, the wind knocked out of them and their faces pale.
“Stay away from me,” he warned as he staggered to his feet. “Stay away from me and I’ll stay away from you. Got it?”
Milbourne nodded as he got to his feet. Maxwell and Higgs followed his example.
“Lupin!”
Remus turned to see Warden O’Brien at the far end of the corridor.
“What’s going on here?” she barked as she strode towards them.
“Nothing,” Remus replied, turning away from the Warden to glare at Higgs.
“My office, now!” O’Brien ordered.
Remus sighed and trailed after her. In some ways the woman reminded him of Professor McGonagall, but unlike the Transfiguration Professor, O’Brien didn’t have favourites, or if she did, Remus certainly wasn’t one of them.
She didn’t want to hear explanations, nor did she want to hear who had started the argument. Fighting wasn’t tolerated and punishments for being caught were swift and harsh.
-o-xXx-o-
Sirius sat at the dinner table as his parents and their guest chattered around him and across him, but never to him. It was the first time he had been allowed to eat in the dining room when they had a guest present, and he was already wishing that he were back upstairs in his room.
“Is everything else still working?” Isabelle, the latest potential bride asked, and Sirius attempted to glare in her general direction.
“Of course,” Walburga replied. “We still hope that one day his sight will be restored, too. But in every other way he’s a healthy young man.”
“As long as he can get it up,” Isabelle said with a laugh that reminded Sirius of a braying horse.
“I can assure you my son had a very healthy sex life before the accident,” Orion promised.
Sirius turned his head towards his father and he felt his temper rising at the way he was being discussed like some sort of prize stallion.
“And the fact that your son’s last lover was another man?” Isabelle asked.
“Experimentation,” Walburga replied immediately. “You know teenage boys…”
“It wasn’t-” Sirius began, but once again his words were cut off by his parents, who were doing their best to make sure that he said nothing to jeopardise the plans to marry him off to a suitable pureblood woman.
“I’m thinking August,” Walburga said. “Will that give you enough time to plan everything?”
“I’ve not agreed yet,” Isabelle pointed out.
“And I’m not going to agree at all,” Sirius snapped.
“Be quiet!” Orion snarled back at him.
“Perhaps I should leave you to discuss things with your son?” suggested Isabelle, her tone a lot less pleasant than it had been a few moments before.
Sirius heard her chair scrape back across the wooden floor and the rustle of silk robes as she stood up. He heard his mother following her example, but his father remained in his seat and Sirius knew he was only waiting until their guest was out of earshot before he spoke.
-o-xXx-o-
Remus was kept in one of the camp’s isolation cells for two days, seeing and hearing no one at all. His meals were delivered by magic and removed the same way, and if he hadn’t finished eating it, the remaining food disappeared forever.
He hated every single minute.
From the looks on their faces after they were released back into the main camp, Higgs and the others weren’t too happy about the punishment either. He suspected that being separated, when the three were always seen together, was not going to endear him to them any time soon.
For the week that followed their isolation from the rest of the residents, Remus was watching his back almost constantly and tried not to go anywhere alone if he could help it. This wasn’t too difficult; the camp was a busy place and needed to be far larger than it actually was.
It was actually Greyback who told him that he had nothing to worry about with regard to Higgs and his friends.
“What do you want?” Remus asked when Greyback sat down in the seat opposite him in the refectory.
“Just because you’ve scared off Higgs, it doesn’t mean I’m going to cower away. I’ve seen more of the world than he has, and I don’t scare that easy.”
“What do you want?” Remus repeated.
“Nothing,” Greyback replied with a shrug. “I’m here to give you a bit of advice.”
“Keep it.”
“I didn’t ask you if you want it.”
“I don’t.”
“Well, you’re going to get it anyway.”
Remus glared at him as he cut into his steak and took a huge bite.
“You did good with Higgs,” Greyback said. “But you still aren’t accepting that you’re stuck here, that this is your life now.”
“I’m not going to be here forever,” Remus told him.
“My point exactly,” Greyback countered. “You still expect Black to come and get you out of here. You need to accept that it’s not going to happen.”
“I have accepted it,” Remus replied, knowing it was a lie.
“Then why do you still waste your time researching the spells on his family home?”
“I don’t.” It was the truth; he had reached a dead end weeks ago in that particular avenue of enquiry.
“Why do you continue to write to your so-called friends asking for news of him?”
“You reading my mail now?”
“No, but you just admitted that my guess was correct. And why do you look at the wardens every time they come to fetch someone from in here? Hoping it’ll be you and that they have news that your pureblood lover has come to get you out of here.”
“What’s it to you?” Remus asked. “Why do you care if I haven’t given up hope entirely? It’s none of your damn business!”
Greyback looked at Remus for several long minutes before throwing his head back and laughing loudly. In that moment he reminded Remus of their first meeting, but this time Remus had no intention of asking what was so amusing.
Greyback quickly realised that Remus wasn’t going to ask him to elaborate, but did so anyway. “You’re actually in love with him. A werewolf who’s fallen in love with a pureblood wizard - one of the Blacks no less - it’s priceless.”
Remus felt his face flushing as Greyback continued to wipe the tears of mirth from his eyes.
“You’re a fool,” Greyback told him. “You’re a werewolf, a monster, and the sooner you figure that out, the better. No one can love a monster.”
“Sirius loves me,” Remus snapped.
“Then where is he?”
“He’ll come for me.”
“No one ever came for me,” Greyback pointed out. “Or for any of the other werewolves in this camp. And no one’s coming for you.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Remus asked. “What makes you think that I want your opinion on anything?”
“Because you being a complete prick is making me look like a fool for turning you in the first place!” Greyback snarled.
Remus grinned. “So, my continuing to believe that Sirius is going to come and get me makes you look stupid? Well, there’s another reason for me to believe it. Thanks, Greyback.”
“You’ve changed since the day we first met,” Greyback commented as he pushed back his chair and stood up. “You’re not as much like me as I thought you were.”
“Thank you.”
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
“It is when I never wanted to be like you,” Remus pointed out as he stood up as well. “Telling me that I’m not is the best thing you could have done for me.”
“You’re still a werewolf.”
“But I’m not a monster,” Remus replied with a smile and he turned to walk away.
“Not yet,” Greyback called after him.
“Not ever,” Remus called back, his heart feeling a little lighter for the first time since his incarceration.
He realised now that he had been wrong. Sirius didn’t keep him from becoming a monster by loving him; it was the other way around. By loving Sirius, Remus retained his humanity, and it was his ability to love that kept the monster from taking him over completely. He knew that as long as he loved Sirius, even if he didn’t love him back, he would never be the sort of monster that Greyback had become.
-o-xXx-o-
“You’ll marry in August or I’ll throw you out of my house!” Orion yelled, banging the desk with what Sirius guessed was his fist.
“Then throw me out,” Sirius shouted back. “I hate it here! I’ve hated it here for years.”
“You won’t last more than a few days in the real world,” Orion told him. “You think your friends will want to baby sit you all the time?”
“They-”
“They’ve not even been to see you.”
“You’re saying you’d let James and his wife into the house?” Sirius asked, hoping for a yes, even though he knew that the answer would be no.
“No mudblood will set foot in this house while I’m still breathing,” Orion roared.
“Then how can they visit?” Sirius yelled. “You’ve cut me off from my friends. This house isn’t my home, it’s my prison!”
“You ungrateful little brat! You’ll leave this house on the first of August. I don’t care if you leave as the groom at your wedding or to beg on the streets.”
“Orion,” Walburga chided from her seat by the fire. “Perhaps Sirius has another bride in mind?”
“I find it highly unlikely,” Orion snapped back at her.
“But if you throw him out, then our hopes of a magical heir will disappear.”
“I refuse to let him continue to drain the family funds by lolling about the house.”
“But if he leaves…” Walburga’s voice trailed off, and Sirius got the impression that his parents were having a silent conversation that he couldn’t witness.
Sirius heard sighs and pacing and eventually his father spoke again.
“You’ll marry in August, or you’ll leave this house.”
It seemed that his father had won the argument between his parents, but Sirius had no intention of letting him win the argument with him. One way or another he had to get out of Grimmauld Place, or else he feared that the madness that ran through the Black family would claim their next victim in him.
-o-xXx-o-
“Lupin!”
Remus looked up from his lunch at the sound of a voice shouting his name from the other end of the refectory.
“I think you’re being paged,” Aaron commented with a nod towards the doorway.
“I’m thinking of ignoring him in favour of dessert,” Remus replied.
“Lupin! You’re wanted in the governor’s office!”
Several people made oohing sounds and laughed. Being summoned to the office of the governor was never good news.
“Guess I’d better go see what I’ve done this time,” Remus said with a sigh of resignation.
“Good luck,” Aaron offered, just as he swiped Remus’s dessert dish and grinned at Remus’s annoyed expression.
Remus dragged his feet as much as he could, but found himself in front of the governor’s office all too soon. He raised his hand and knocked.
“Come in,” the governor called from within.
Remus entered the office and closed the door behind him.
“Sit down,” the governor ordered without looking up from his paperwork.
Remus sat down and tried to think of what it was that he could have done to warrant the summons. Sitting and waiting like this was something akin to being called before Dumbledore and Remus was heartily tired of being treated like a misbehaving child.
Finally the governor looked up from the parchment he was scribbling on. “An application has been made by someone who wishes to be your supervisor,” he stated calmly.
“Sirius?” Remus questioned in a breathless voice that he inwardly cursed himself for. After all this time, it was highly unlikely that Sirius would suddenly strut back into his life with an application like this.
The governor looked at the papers before him and shook his head. “I assume you mean Mr Black?” Remus nodded. “The application has been made by a Mr Lupin, who will be arriving here shortly to speak with you.”
“One of my relatives?” Remus whispered. “After all this time?”
“Apparently so. Interview room four has been prepared for the visit. You’d better make your way there.”
Remus nodded mutely and left to make his way down the hall. He wondered which of his relatives had eventually stepped forward to finally claim him as a part of the family. He wasn’t sure whether to be nervous or excited at the prospect. Right now he was settling for terrified.
The interview room was empty when he arrived and he took a seat to wait for his visitor.
He was tapping his fingers on the table and gazing out of the barred window when the door finally opened.
Remus didn’t know who he was expecting to see walk through the door. A grandfather perhaps, or an uncle he had never known he had. He never considered for a moment that it might be his father. He didn’t know much about him, but he knew enough to know that the man would never want anything to do with his youngest son.
But Remus was sure that if his father had walked into the room, he couldn’t have been more surprised than he was at the face of the man who strolled through the door.
“Well, aren’t you going to say anything?”
“What the fuck?” Remus said before he could stop himself.
Romulus Lupin leaned across the table and smacked Remus around the back of his head. “Language,” he scolded.
“Ow,” Remus moaned as he rubbed at the back of his head. “You didn’t have to do that!” The shock of his brother’s arrival was wearing off rapidly thanks to the lump he was sure was forming on the back of his head.
“I’ve been wanting to do that every time you’ve sworn for years,” Romulus replied easily. “Maybe if I’d been able to smack you upside the head once in a while, your language wouldn’t be so bad now.”
“You…” Remus waved his hand in a helpless sort of gesture. “What happened? Why aren’t you still dead?”
“I wasn’t dead in the first place,” Romulus replied. “Now, aren’t you going to tell me how great it is to see me? And don’t you have a hug for your big brother?”
Remus stood up, feeling ever so slightly shaky, and walked around the table. “You’re really here?” he whispered as he pulled his brother into a tight hug.
“Um, Rem, unless you want me back as a ghost, you might want to let me breathe.”
Remus loosened his grip and stood back to look his brother in the eye. “Sorry. I just can’t believe you’re here.”
“In the flesh.”
“Exactly. So tell me, how the f-… er… how have you managed this?”
Romulus smirked at Remus’s near slip up and sat down at the table. Remus knew he should return to his own seat, but he felt he had to keep his brother in touching distance, just in case he vanished again. With that in mind, he perched on the end of the table, his leg bumping against Romulus’s as he waited to hear what he had to say.
“It’s a form of magic,” Romulus explained. “It’s something Dumbledore taught me before I was sent to Azkaban. The basics are simple enough to understand; it’s a form of meditation, normally used in combination with a potion similar to the Draught of Living Death, but possible without it, and thankfully without a wand. When you get it right you can send your spirit outside of your body. It wasn’t easy to concentrate at first, being in there, surrounded by Dementors… well, it took me a while to get it right.”
“Are you saying that you’ve really been in Azkaban all this time?” Remus interrupted.
“My body’s been there. I’ve just not been in it as much as I should have.” Romulus shrugged. “I wouldn’t recommend the place for a holiday, lousy location and worse company.”
“You’re not funny,” Remus muttered. “So, are you going to explain why you’ve been hanging around as a ghost for the last five and a half years, and how come you’re here now?”
“The dementors feed on happy memories, stealing them from you, one by one.”
“I know that,” Remus grumbled. “I got Outstanding for my N.E.W.T. in Defence you know.”
“Of course you did,” Romulus agreed. “But anyway, eventually all your happy memories are gone, and you’re left with only the bad, until it drives you insane.”
“You’ve been making more happy memories,” Remus gasped. “By sending your spirit out of Azkaban, you were making sure you never ran out of good memories.”
“Exactly,” Romulus smiled. “You provided me with so many happy memories, I could never run out as long as I had you to visit.”
“You got six years, which means you got released…” Remus faltered as he made the connection.
“Two days ago,” Romulus confirmed. “I’d have come straight here, but I wanted to get the application to get you out of here sorted out right away.”
“Back up a minute,” Remus asked. “Why didn’t you tell me before? You’ve had over five years to get around to telling me that you weren’t actually dead!”
“Because it might have gone wrong,” Romulus replied quietly. “If you stay out of your body too long, you run the risk of not being able to get back in. Or if the guards had looked too closely at me whilst I was ‘out’ they would have thought me dead and I’d have been buried at sea. If I’d failed, I would have really been dead. I didn’t want you worrying every time I appeared or we’d probably have spent the entire time arguing. Which, I’m sure you’ll agree, wouldn’t be very happy memories. This way, even though you thought I was dead, you hadn’t really lost me. I could keep an eye on you and continually replenish my stock of pleasant memories in the process.”
“You should have told me!” Remus snapped and he jumped to his feet to point an accusing finger at his brother. “You had no right to keep this from me.”
“And if I’d died doing this, you’d have blamed yourself, because I’d have died whilst looking over you.”
“You should still have told me!” Remus yelled, his voice rising so loud that a guard popped his head inside the door to check everything was all right.
“Remus, sit down and stop yelling,” Romulus ordered. “I did what I had to, and even if, for the sake of argument, I could go back and do it again, I would make exactly the same choices.”
“You would? All of them?” Remus looked down at the table and scraped his nails along a groove in the wood. “You missed my first day at Hogwarts, the day I made the Quidditch team and the day we won the Cup. You missed so many days. The very best days of my life and my brother was missing from them. And don’t you dare say you were with Cecily all those times, because it would be too much of a coincidence. ”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want your apologies,” Remus snapped. “I want the truth for once. I want to know why you weren’t there for the best days of my life!”
Romulus frowned momentarily before his face broke into a smile. “You never cease to surprise me,” he finally said. “I would have guessed for certain that you’d want to know why I wasn’t there the day you were captured.”
“Fine, start with that one,” Remus replied, taking a seat at the other side of the table once more. “Where were you?”
“In Azkaban, surrounded by more Dementors than you want to know about,” Romulus stated, his eyes taking on a haunted look. Remus drew in a sharp breath and reached across the table to grasp his brother’s hand firmly. “You were so happy sneaking around the school and I enjoyed watching over you. I got so many happy memories from those months. I didn’t realise that my happy memories were acting like a magnet for the Dementors. Those memories were new and fresh and very strong. The Dementors swarmed in around me to feast on those memories I’d made. It was too much for me and I couldn’t concentrate enough to send my spirit out of there. I didn’t know about your capture until Dumbledore came to visit me after the hearing.”
“Dumbledore came to visit you?” Remus interrupted. “And he didn’t tell me?”
“Of course he didn’t tell you,” Romulus replied. “Anyway, his visit disturbed the Dementors, and I was able to get back to you for the summer. But nothing can prepare you for losing so many of your memories. It’s like a huge chunk of your life, and you can never get it back again. I know I saw you the day you had your first flying lesson; I remember worrying about you getting caught. But I can’t remember anything else about that day; it’s just a blank. They took it from me, just like they took so many other memories.”
“Were the Dementors crowding in on you on my first day?” Remus asked. “Is that why you weren’t there?”
Romulus shook his head. “I wanted to be there,” he finally admitted. “But I couldn’t bear the thought of losing a wonderful memory like that one would have been. Losing the memory of the day you first flew on a broom was dreadful, and there are so many more lost that I don’t even remember having. To lose the memories of all the most important days in your life would have killed me.”
“But now you don’t have those memories at all,” Remus pointed out. “You might not have lost them all.”
“I didn’t want to risk it. Losing memories of you larking about with your friends, getting house points and detentions, you know, all the day to day stuff, wasn’t so bad, because I could always make more of those kinds of memories. You were a never-ending supply of them. But the big memories, the important ones, I hated the idea of losing them so much I chose to stay away, just in case. I’m sorry.”
Remus nodded silently.
“I guess I was a bit of a coward,” Romulus whispered quietly. “I’m not like my baby brother, I’m a Hufflepuff, not a Gryffindor.”
“Oh, Rom,” Remus murmured as he hurried back round the table and flung his arms around his brother’s neck for the second time. He couldn’t stop the tears that were streaming down his face and he sniffled into his brother’s shoulder. “You’re not a coward at all. I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through, and I’m sorry for being such a git now.”
“You’re not a git,” Romulus assured him with a smile as he hugged him back. “You’re my baby brother, and I swear I’m going to get you out of here.”
“Will your application succeed?” Remus asked.
“I don’t know; my criminal record…” Remus snorted. “…will stand against me.”
“They can’t use that against you,” Remus muttered. “That would be totally unfair.”
“Since when is life fair?”
“Good point.”
“So, the plan is to get you out of here, and then we’re going to track down Mr Sirius Black and make him wish he’d never been born.”
Remus watched as his brother’s eyes hardened. “Have you seen Sirius?” he finally asked.
“Not in person,” Romulus replied. He reached into his cloak and pulled out a copy of the Daily Prophet. It was a month old, and looked like it had been read numerous times. Remus looked at where his brother was pointing and thought for a moment he was imagining what he reading.
“No,” he whispered. “He wouldn’t. He couldn’t.”
“It’s right there in the announcements section. It’s not like it’s some gossip doing the rounds, it’s a Black family announcement and even has their official crest on it. Sirius is getting married.”
“He can’t.”
“He’s a Black, Remus. I thought he was different, too. I was wrong. He’s just like the rest of his family. They do what they like, and to hell with everyone else.”
“Sirius wouldn’t,” Remus repeated, his eyes not leaving the parchment.
Remus had barely recovered from the shock of seeing his brother alive and well; he didn’t need another bombshell dropping on him.
“I’ll be back again tomorrow,” Romulus said. “I’ll see you at visiting time.”
Remus nodded mutely, his eyes following the newspaper as Romulus returned it to the inside pocket of his cloak.
They said their goodbyes and Remus wandered blindly back towards his room. He threw himself onto his bed and stared at the ceiling for a long while.
When it started to get dark he idly considered turning on the light, but decided in the end that it was too much effort.
“What did the Governor want?” Aaron asked as he poked his head around the door.
“My brother’s making an application to supervise me,” Remus replied quietly.
“I thought he was dead?”
Remus snorted. “That makes two of us.”
“I take it that means he’s not?”
“Alive and well, or as well as anyone can be after six years in Azkaban.”
“So, why aren’t you delighted at the news? Why are you laying here in the dark with a face like a wet weekend?”
Remus sighed. “He’s getting married.”
“Your brother? Guess he’s a fast worker.”
“Not Rom, Sirius.”
“Oh.”
“He’s really not coming to get me out of here.”
“You’ve known that for a while now,” Aaron pointed out as he walked into the room and sat down on the end of the bed.
“I hate him,” Remus growled. “He made me love him, and then left me here to rot once he’d got what he wanted. I hate him.”
“No, you don’t.”
Remus glared at Aaron. “Yes, I do. I wish I’d never met Sirius bloody Black and want nothing more than to forget about him. I want to forget he even exists!”
Aaron didn’t say anything, he already knew better than to argue with Remus when he was in this sort of a mood.
“I want to punch him!” Remus shouted. “I want to tear his perfect bloody hair right out of his head. I want to… to…”
“Tear his throat out?” Aaron suggested in a quiet tone of voice that didn’t seem to suit the brutal words.
Remus nodded before the implications of the words sank in. “What’s happening to me?” he whispered in horror.
“The wolf’s instincts are becoming stronger than the human ones,” Aaron explained.
Remus shook his head. “I’m not going to be controlled by the wolf.”
“You think you can stop it?”
“Sirius - or my love for him - it kept me human,” Remus whispered. “I need him.”
“You need to find another reason to live,” Aaron told him. “If you don’t, you’ll become a monster.”
“I won’t be a monster,” Remus insisted. “I won’t!”
-o-xXx-o-
“I’m going to the press conference,” Sirius stated for the fourth time. “I owe it to Remus’s memory to be there.”
He heard his father’s intake of breath at Remus’s name and smiled inwardly.
“You don’t owe that half-breed anything,” Orion argued. “You barely did anything to help that old fool with his potion. There’s no reason for you to be there.”
“Belby wants me to speak to the people there about our work,” Sirius said. “I’ve already agreed.”
“You don’t expect your mother or I to take time out of our busy schedules to baby sit you?”
“Regulus isn’t working that day; he’ll come with me.”
“And what do you intend to say to this crowd of fools?” Walburga asked. “What could you possibly have to say that would interest them?”
“I’ve been preparing a speech,” Sirius said. “I’ve got it pretty much memorised.”
“Let’s hear it,” Orion said.
“Why?” Sirius asked in confusion. “It’s just boring stuff about the potion and where the idea came from for using Wolfsbane.”
“Do you intend to talk about your sordid relationship with him?” Walburga asked.
Sirius shook his head. “I don’t think I could mention his name without breaking down or making a complete idiot out of myself.”
“Well, that at least is something,” Walburga replied. “You’ve disgraced the family enough with your perversions. When is this conference?”
“Saturday,” Sirius replied. “I’ll be glad to get out of the house for once.”
He sighed and reached for a bread roll, cursing Kreacher under his breath for placing the basket in a different place every bloody night. Just a few more days and he would be able to leave the house, if only for a few hours. He didn’t know why, but as the months had passed he was feeling less like a temporary guest and more and more like a prisoner, and he was relishing the idea of a few hours of freedom from his ever-present guards.
He wondered if he could persuade Regulus to take him to visit James and Lily. He was anxious to talk to his friends again and wished that they could have visited him. Unfortunately, no matter how much Sirius wanted it, Orion and Walburga had made it clear that there would be no Potters in their house and certainly no mudbloods.
Sirius didn’t bother to mention his intention to visit his friends. He would casually suggest it to Regulus after the conference, and if he refused to escort him, Sirius would just have to apparate away and hope that being blind didn’t prevent him from arriving at his destination.
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Chapter 72