Am I "just running away"? (X-posted everywhere)

[waking_morgan]

I'm fortunate to be very self-aware, almost to the point of being too introspective at times. I know myself very well- I know my patterns. Obviously, it's important to examine those patterns, particularly the negative ones, before making any irreversible decisions. So this entry is going to be kind of negative, but it's something that has to be

Comments

[killthief]

I can identify with the paxil part. I need to get off of it, and soon. Instead of helping, its making me nose dive into the darkness..

[killthief]

by the way I sort of feel the same way. I am 27 and dabbled in this and that but never could make a definitive decision on what I wanted to do. It became so bad that it also included relationships. I just can't committ! But I do know that I am very unhappy with my body as it is right now and would give anything.. ANYTHING to make the changes that I want. I am considering top surgery as soon as a car accident settlement pays out. I've had these huge boobs forever now, and they do nothing but irritate and annoy me. I'm small boned, 5'3", and have huge boobs. It is totally out of proportion and I have to bind every single day. Still.. binding doesn't do much other than make them seem "not quite as big". I need to make a decision. I've been reading on ftm things and can't seem to decide wether I just want to get rid of the boobies and stay female, or go all the way and get on T. I've always felt though that my body was just wrong, and I've always envied guys with big muscles who could wear anything and look great.. and they always got al

T____T

[jamesky]

How do I know that transition isn't just another one of these ventures of mine, undertaken in a moment of manic enthusiasm?

I feel the same way.