questioning T

[10101110]

I never wanted T, I felt when I get CRS that would be enough (still saving for CRS) but the other day I looked in the mirror and saw a little mustache and suddenly I felt as if I was looking just a wee bit like I've always wanted to look. It was exciting and I actually felt happy. I know people say pre-T you should shave and don't have that little

Comments

[the_physicist]

why is it so damn scary?

because coming out is always damned scary - sadly. you're definitely not alone in feeling that way.

[ehalstead]

You can pm me if you'd like. But I definitely went through the same questioning phase. For about 4 years actually. I came out as trans to close friends and some family, but not at work. My gf at the time made a couple shitty remarks about me being trans when she was drunk and it crushed me. I definitely wasn't strong enough to handle criticism at the time. I wish I would've gone through with it then though bc I'm so much happier already. You're not alone at all. Keep your head up and do you. Again, pm me if you'd like.

[10101110]

Thank you, I will PM you I just have to figure out how to do it on LJ lol. I'm going to a local *trans group next week, I already feel better since I will meet other people who feel or felt the way I do. I put it off for so long because I felt I was too old and felt trying to somehow fit in would be enough but when those little hairs made me see a glimpse of what I could be and there was no conflict with my assigned gender and birth sex I just knew it was right for me and all the questions sort of melted away.

[sunspot67]

I began T just before I turned 44, and following a really agonizing year of questioning and doubt and real pain. For me, therapy really helped me to clarify that T was a step I wanted (needed) to take. Early 40s is definitely not too late, and you can always stop T if it turns out not to feel right to you.

Feel free to PM me as well.

[10101110]

As I told someone else, thank you I will PM you when I figure out how to do it lol. I'm happy to learn I am not the only one in their 40's that are going through this. With all the younger guys out there being either mid-transition or fully transitioned I feel like the odd guy out but as my therapist told me today, better late than never. Just a quick question, since you started T at 44 (I'm 43 and will probably start T at 44 too) did the changes take longer than say a guy in his 20s?

[xxweaponx]

Hey I know that this is an older post, but somehow when I went to sign in, this post opened. I hope things are going well for you, and I wanted to encourage you to do what feels right, now what you think your family and or friends expect of you. I waited til 27, and although I regret it, it all worked out so amazingly that I have to be happy for the last 9 years, and not get stuck wishing it's been the last 19 years instead, you know? I waited b/c of my family, and even went a few years without speaking to them, but ever since they got over it and saw me living a full, happy, authentic life, my relationship with them has been the best its ever been in my life

[sneakersjay]

It is a process, for sure, and not easy. I was in my mid-late 40s when I discovered that the feelings I had my whole life had a name, and that I could fix it. I, too, was afraid to come out, afraid of change, afraid of losing family, job, everything. Eventually the misery of living as someone not me became worse than my fears. I jumped off the transition cliff and never looked back. I could not stomach the thought of being an old woman. It literally made me sick.

Good luck with your decision making.

[10101110]

Thank you, I'm so happy you older guys are replying it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone facing transition at a later stage in life. Yes I am tired of the misery, I'm tired of having to settle - I now believe that I deserve to be happy, believing that last part has been the hardest thing, thus far.

[sneakersjay]

It's never too late to be yourself. Finally i just wake up and am ME, and I dont' have to think about it, no anxiety, no self hatred, I'm just ME. Transition is hard, don't get me wrong; that in between stage, coming out, etc, sucks. But there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[optimus_life]

For three years, I let other peoples fears become my own. It caused me to put off starting T, something I now wish I hadn't let it get that bad.
It's never too late, that day is the day you die. I started the process three years ago, at 33.

[10101110]

Congrats, yes my therapist today told me "better late then never" plus I came to realize that I cannot live to please other people and their perceptions of who I am or who I "should" be - I have to please myself and be true to who I am.