queer sexuality

[10101110]

Can someone explain what queer heterosexuality is? I just read two articles on it (not very in depth) one by a cis gendered man and one by a man of trans history (both ID'ed as queer heterosexuals) and I still don't understand it. I'm not knocking anyone who might ID as such, just trying to get a better understanding of the term because the

Comments

[10101110]

Well from what I read the cis guy ID'ed as such because, although he is heterosexual, his style and interests leaned more on the queer side (by society's standards of what heterosexual maleness is) and the guy of trans history did not want to ID fully as heterosexual, he wanted to keep something of his queer identity.

Now when I first saw the term on the internet it sounded like something that would fit into the Butch/Femme community, I can understand that community identifying as both queer (which they are) and heterosexual because the relationship dynamic is primarily based on heterosexual culture but as I try to find out what it is, Butch/Femme never shows up in my search engine - so I guess I'm wrong.

[recordplayeron]

This.

[youngstudlyboi]

Queer heterosexuality to me is when someone appearing in any way like a hetero couple isn't the run of the mill hetero couple. There is no one standard hetero couple really, but honestly most of them have grown up gender-normative or feeling gender-normative and have maintained that status quo for themselves. I'm of trans history, so that would be a little different for me even though I retain certain aspects of my identity. For instance, if my partner were to be a female who passes as straight, we would pass as a heterosexual couple based on how we look, but would rather qualify ourselves as queer because we would have roots in the queer community or in being queer somehow as opposed to most heterosexual couples who consist of traditional cis males and cis females. I am attracted to men for the most part but I have been in love with a woman before and enjoyed the relationship while it lasted, so I don't entirely rule out being with the opposite gender. We'd look heterosexual but because of my anatomy, some intimate things would have

[10101110]

That makes a lot more sense than what I read, thank you.

[varanus]

My "non-standard anatomy" does not make me queer. Not even a little bit.

[youngstudlyboi]

I never said that your non-standard anatomy makes you queer. Nothing in my comment needs to be taken out of context.

[varanus]

"Queer heterosexual"=appropriative

[teahound]

"Just like you're not "trans" just because you're a girl who likes NASCAR, I don't think you're "queer" because you're poly or like to tie people up or whatever."

I can understand the girl who likes Nascar bit, but when you consider that queer (when you get down to it) just means anything fitting outside of the heteronormativity box, it makes perfect sense for someone who's poly or into BDSM to identify as queer. My primary partner and I are both trans but even if both of us were cis and of opposing genders, we're still poly and both still in the BDSM/kink community. We would still be facing hurdles that a 'standard' cis, hetero couple would not face, and to assume that queer strictly applies to the LGBT community is, to me, a bit inaccurate. It's anything that fits outside the neat little box we're told is normal.

Because of this, I'm not sure I'd say 'queer heterosexual' is at all appropriative, as I showed with my example. Just my two cents.

[varanus]

Well, see, that's where you and I disagree. To me, "queer" does not mean anything fitting outside of the heteronormativity box. I find it thoroughly amusing how small and rigid so many people imagine the heteronormativity box to be, especially when they are trying to place themselves outside of it. There are the ideals that we all claim to endorse, and then there is everyday practice. Do you have any idea how many cis, hetero, vanilla-identified, Evangelical Christian couples are de facto kinkier than either of us? How many of them have worked out de facto polyamorous arrangements without acknowledging the word (hint: let's start with the entire Victorian era inclusive)? The neat little box is a complete lie, and a recent one at that: almost no one fits into it

[meegosh]

Whilst your definition of queer is closer to my definition than the person you replied to, I still have issues with it. For example your definition does not take account of those who do not identify as a single sex. If hetrosexual is one man and one woman then one man and one genderqueer identified person is not hetrosexual (even if the GQ person was AFAB) and yet also not same sex.

[optimus_life]

My two cents on the term(s). Someone that can be read (by society at large) as Hetro, when in fact they are Bi or trans. For me I know that when I date, I will appear and pass as a Hetro couple. Am Bi, with a preferance for women. It dosen't bother me to be read as that.

I know what I am, who I am and that's what counts. What other people call themselves, they can do as they wish.

[snauxphlaques]

As a gay trans man who identifies as queer I think "queer heterosexuality" is incredibly offensive, awful, and appropritive. While you can be queer (bi/trans/etc) and be in a heterosexual relationship if you are a cisgendered male/female who is exclusively interested in the opposite gender regardless of how kinky you are, how much sex you have, how many partners you have etc you are not queer.

[chronidu]

I think it should be to note that not being Cis doesn't make one queer either.

[snauxphlaques]

Of course, but i'm a million times more comfortable with someone straight and trans id'ing as queer then someone who isn't.

[aaskew]

Depends on the definition, though; for many years I thought that 'queer' was a synonym for LGBT.