(Untitled)

[xxweaponx]

In that long ass 400+ comment post from earlier, about how you're "NOT A REAL MAN IF YOU DON'T HAVE BOTTOM SURGERY!!!!!!11!1!eleven!" I noticed a reoccurring theme in both the OP's post and the comments alike: "I don't feel that I can relate to most transmen

Comments

[righnigh]

i agree with you here; i can't relate to most transmen either.

for me, i think it's because i'm post-transition [most of the guys i've met aren't], and given my location and interests, i rarely meet like-minded ftm guys. on top of that, my beliefs, un-pc ways, and conservative views dont provide much common ground to start from; at least they didn't with the ftms i have met.

i've never been a part of an ftm community, so i can't say for sure if a mainstream one exists, but if it does, i don't think i'd touch it with a ten foot pole. which is fine, but sometimes i think it would be nice to meet other transsexual men i could get along with.

as for bottom surg...i don't feel any pressure to get it. i'm sure i will, one day, when i stay in one place long enough to recover from it and stop spending all my dough on airfare. until then, it's really not front and center in my life at all.

[icarus_after]

i guess i don't understand why anyone would expect to relate to most transmen. i don't expect to relate to most of any demographic, and it doesn't surprised me that many transgender people and transsexual men have different life experiences from mine. i mean, right, of course they do. there are a number of transsexual men who i consider my close friends/ brothers, and we share a similar perspective on transsexualism and transition. we also have other things in common, like our level of education, life plans, etc

[icarus_after]

also, one of the reasons i am pretty adamant that "ftm community" is a myth is because i think it sets up this expectation about some kind of universal experience, and i think that then when people meet other ftms and don't connect with them, they feel like it is a reflection of them being the "wrong kind" of trans or "unable to relate to" other trans people. i think we have got to realize that trans people and trans people's experiences are as varied as the lives of all other people, and sometimes you connect with people and sometimes you don't, and that is largely based on non-trans-related factors, like values, goals, circumstances, etc.

[xxweaponx]

Seconded.

[fetteredwolf]

So true.

This conversation reminds me of a conversation I had recently with my sister in law. (Copy pasted from my own journal, so you may have already seen it, but I'm putting it here for the community.)She was telling me about how excited she was to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder- it finally could explain how she was feeling. She was no longer the only one experiencing what she had been experiencing- she was part of a community. That was important to her, since her manic episodes left her feeling isolated, like no one could understand what she was going through

[tonyinabag]

i agree with what icarus_after said. i have FTM friends, just like i have non-trans friends. we're friends because we get along and have fun together. would i have met my FTM friends if i wasn't trans myself? maybe, maybe not. but we're not friends because we're trans.

depending on where you are and what resources you have, the definition of an "ftm community" can be vastly different. without the internet, my idea of an ftm community would probably be my 4 local friends and myself.

i don't really feel any pressure to get lower surgery. at least not from the trans community. it seems like the rest of the world is who's most obsessed with what's in my pants (or not, as the case may be). for now, altering my bits isn't really in the plans, but that may change. whether that's influenced by the world at large or not, i couldn't tell you.

[fiveinchviking]

i have known perhaps 10 transsexual men in real life - some of them are close friends, most are not - and i don't think i have ever felt a sense of ftm "Community" operating in my life. that said, at various points i have found online communities like this one to be useful, although the utility declined as i finished transitioning. i think it is a mistake to conflate online communities (listserves, forums etc.) and actual communities, and while i have been a part of the former at times, i have never felt a sense of the latter. i attended one conference early in transition and did not feel a sense of community there, rather it was apparent to me that there were dozens of factions at odds with each other and overall a huge breadth of different presentations and experiences. it seemed to me that there was a defined kink community within the group of conference attendees, but that was the closest i saw to anything that i would call a community

[nikolche]

Do you feel pressure to get bottom surgery? If yes, where does the pressure come from?I actually feel pressure NOT to get bottom surgery. Every time genitals come up in any way, shape, or form someone will start the "genitals don't matter" thread which will then form the basis of the conversation. That's great for them, I envy anyone who is more comfortable with their body than I am. Not only do they have one less thing to worry about, they can spend the extra few grand on fun things instead of surgery (might I suggest a European vacation