Comments | ftm: Jehovah's Witnesses

sorryforchangin in ftm

Jehovah's Witnesses

Jul 03, 2008 03:46

hey guys, i've got a little problem i could use some advice on. i've checked the tags, and googled many times, but still to no avail. willing to listen to anyone who's willing to read.

i've been working at my local airport on and off since i got out of high school in 03', and have been working for one of the airline's since last October, at which ( Read more... )

disclosing-work, religion and spirituality

Comments 21

jewish_ephraim July 3 2008, 09:02:47 UTC

my best friend/adoptive brother now was raised JW. He is gay and ironically he was excommunicated from the church because he registered to vote. He tried to inform his parents that he didn't want to follow his the belief anymore in hopes that that information would get him kicked aout, so he could spar them the info of his homosexuality. But all it did was increase bible study. Once his parents found out he was well is, gay they kicked him out of their house. My mom has adopted him since.
I also know that when I came out and started my transition during our senior year in high school (which was before he came out) he was against it but then decided our friendship was more important. His parents frequently and still do refer to me as she and my birth name. It goes against all of their beliefs.
that is just my experience.

sorryforchangin July 3 2008, 09:19:57 UTC

i appreciate such a fast response. as much as i don't want to base anything off of just one experience, what you've said definitely just instills my fear. my friend has no intention of ever leaving her church, and as much as i want to believe she's my friend and likes me for who i am, i'm afraid that who i REALLY am would just be too much for me to throw at her.

thank you for sharing your story with me. i definitely have some thinking to do about this.

gymx July 3 2008, 11:05:06 UTC

You will get nowhere, and be exposed to an ugly side of your friend if you tell her. JW's do not compromise on certain issues.

radioreed July 3 2008, 11:11:42 UTC

agree.

OP - just in case it makes a difference, i dont have personal experience, but am a religious studies major and just completed a unit on JWs.

varanus July 3 2008, 17:05:56 UTC

I'd agree as a general rule, but I'd also add that I've met some JWs who were flexible, tolerant, and cool, whose religion made them better people than they would have been otherwise. Not many, admittedly, since the JW worldview is a rather rigid one. But there is the fact that this girl is hanging out with a masculine "woman" already ( ... )

sorryforchangin July 4 2008, 05:41:29 UTC

But there is the fact that this girl is hanging out with a masculine "woman" already.you actually just caught onto something that does give me a little more hope that she won't freak out and stop speaking to me entirely. i guess i just didn't think about it when i originally posted. but it's true. in her eye's, i am a very masculine woman, yet it doesn't stop her from attacking me with hugs every chance she gets. when we first met last year, somebody actually went out of their way to correct her when she had first thought i was a guy, because at that point no one there knew about me being Trans. when most people meet me, it's an assumption they jump to, that i'm a baby-faced boy. i'm fortunate that i don't have much trouble passing. that combined with how i dress, and act, we're all pretty sure that she just assumes i'm a lesbian. yet, she's never voiced any sort of opinion on it, and has never tried to preach to me about it ( ... )

Thread 5

farsideofewan July 3 2008, 11:58:23 UTC

I've known a quite a few JW's in my life and from what yourve said about her commitment to her faith I dont think you really have a chance of telling her. JW's really do stick to thier guns on certain issues. However there may be a way around it depending on some circumstances that you haven't outlined. It sounds to me like your lifestyle would lead her to be able to educate a guess that you may not be just your regular straight female. If shes still okay hanging out with you and your okay not having her fully aware then just don't tell her. Its probably your safest bet. and maybe youll be able to just change the name and pronouns without actually telling her your trans. Anyway best of luck.

sorryforchangin July 4 2008, 05:50:28 UTC

thanks for your good wishes and sharing your past experience. the fact that she is such a devout JW, and has no intention of leaving is definitely playing a part in my growing hesitation. if it were just her that i were planning on going back to visit, i may be able to get away with not telling her anything and just letting things progress and see if she said anything or just let it go. but there are about 10 people i would be going back to visit that we work with, all of which know about my plan to transition. i'm not sure how they would be able to do calling me by the proper male pro-nouns amongst themselves and trying to use female one's around her.

hrolleif July 3 2008, 12:29:00 UTC

I don't know about it necessarily being ugly, but probably will not be what you want, that is, lots and lots and lots of preaching. My parents had JW friends that lived just down the street. They were very nice people but they took every opportunity to preach at us (family of atheists). My dad thought it was funny so he'd humor them, but IMO it gets real old real fast.

sorryforchangin July 4 2008, 05:57:56 UTC

this is something i've thought about, too. if it were her entirely family i were disclosing to, i would be much more expectant of this. but she's the only active JW i know. she also knows about my non-religious belief's and has never tried to preach to me before about that. i have heard her talk about her own religion with other people we work with, and she can get very passionate about what she's saying, but she never seems to talk about any of that unless she's asked directly. but i suppose there's always a point that that could change and she feels she needs to add her 2 cents to what's being talked about. every reason i seem to be able to come up with as to why i should tell her, there's another reason that counter-act's it and makes me think it's not a good idea.

thanks for sharing your experience with me.

(The comment has been removed)

sorryforchangin July 4 2008, 06:08:02 UTC

wow, thanks for that link! that may help a ton!

and thanks, i can't help but agree with your rational. i just don't want to jump the gun and tell her too soon in the chance that it makes her uncomfortable still having to be around me so often at work. when quitting time gets closer though, i feel i'm just going to have to tell her and see what happens.

Do not approach the situation assuming the worst-- in my experience and observation, trans people are frequently very wrong about whether or not religious friends or relatives will judge them, and how harshly

and you're right in that. i've become close to a few other people with strong belief's as well, and they've turned out to be some of my biggest supporters when i assumed they would have the most opposition. i guess i'm back to that assumption again, only this time, i'm more afraid than i was with any of the others.

anyways, thank you.