Evolution: Chapter 11
Evolution: Chapter 11
Gestalt
Summary: This is a story of the Evolution of the character of Lightning throughout Final Fantasy XIII. The story will begin in the Vile Peaks and go through the rest of the game. There will be AU components to this tale. No Pairing (although you can read whatever you like into it.)
ge·stalt (g -shtält , -shtôlt , -stält , -stôlt )
1. a configuration, pattern, or organized field having specific properties that cannot be derived from the summation of its component parts; a unified whole.
2. an instance or example of such a unified whole.
Summation: The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
-Gestalt-
The attack comes just shy of sunrise. Lightning had been too restless to sleep even after her watch ended. She'd stayed awake through the other two watches, falling into light dozes for a few minutes before snapping awake again. She'd been too anxious, feeling the watchful eye of the predator on the group all night.
When the black of night gives way to purples and blues heralding the dawn, Lightning almost believes they have gotten lucky. But with the soft pink glow of sunrise cresting over the hillsides like a halo comes a blitz of snarling and salivating violence. The beast is upon them before they can even regain their feet.
Lightning leaps up, pulls her weapon as the animal pounces at her. She leaps backwards, her reflexes and instincts saving her from getting a sneak peek at her innards. The creature is all teeth and claws, sleek muscular body as tall as Snow and twice as long again. This is an animal built to kill, a perfect predator blessed with speed, stealth and the patience to stalk.
The animal moves in on her, slow and considering, searching for a way to make a clean kill. The whole camp is in chaos, but she tunes it out. She keeps her eyes on the beast before her, trains the whole of her consciousness on the attacking animal.
Time slows. She steps back and it paws forward. Lips curl away from a mouthful of spikes, front teeth spears overhanging the bottom jaw. She steps back again and it lunges, jaws snapping, and forepaw swatting without connecting. She reacts, whips her blade in an upward arc to fend off the claws. It withdraws its paw and pauses. Waiting. Something is off. This animal could have had her already. It outweighs her. It could run her down before she takes a step, have her throat before she could scream. Instead, it's toying with her.
Distracting her.
The answer fits, touches off warning bells in her head. She holds her weapon in a warding gesture, refuses to rise to the creature's bait and attack. She takes another retreating step, and the animal lets out a bellow. Hot breath mixed with saliva spray over her; the breath reeks of rotting meat and death, and the combination of sound, smell and feeling almost forces a wince. She fights the instinct to close her eyes, knows as soon as she does she's dead.
Another retreating step and the animal paws the ground, shakes its head and snorts at her. She's trying to get her back to the cliff wall, get herself into a defensible position. The animal lunges to her right, rakes its claws low in an attempt to take her feet out from under her. She leaps, swings the blade downward, and whirls it up again catching the left paw in the pad before it can connect with her throat.
The animal leaps back, screams again. There are answering calls all around. The ambush she'd been expecting is upon them. She refuses to take her eyes off the animal before her for the second it will take to check her periphery.
Her vision tunnels out as the world drops away from her. Her brand tingles, her heart races. Hearing vanishes into the adrenaline abyss. A deep, slow breath fills her, and the exhale carries away fear and doubt. Rumbling fills her mind, her throat. She bends her knees, adjusts her stance and lunges.
The animal retreats a step from her, suddenly unsure how to proceed. She has confused it by attacking. She narrows her eyes, lifts her weapon and twirls her body like a tornado. Her blade catches somewhere and the animal retreats further, yelping. She scents blood on the air, knows she's delivered a blow. The knowledge enervates her, drives her forward in her attack. She refuses to allow escape. Now that she has an advantage she gives chase, takes two steps, feels the danger a moment before the second creature lunges for her; avoids collision and death by a hair's breadth.
She drops and rolls beneath the leaping animal, brings her blade up two handed across the underbelly, spilling intestines out onto the ground beside her, pouring blood like rain down across her arms and body. The animal shrieks and lands in a heap, blood erupting in time with its heartbeat. Lightning doesn't pause to even cast a glance to the dying, gutted animal. She rolls back to her feet and leaps, somersaulting above the alpha male and landing behind it, putting it between her and the cliff face. The animal spins around and snaps at her, more dangerous for the fact that it's cornered.
Lightning paces outward from it in a circle, weapon clenched tightly in her hands. The animal roars at her, and she feels the answering scream tear from her. Fire bursts from her hands and blade uncalled, igniting the area around her in a white hot inferno. The scents of smoke and singed hair linger in the air in the wake of the blaze. The animal shrinks away, obviously cowed by the display of magic; the display of fury and undiluted aggression. Lightning steps forward, threatening, and the animal jumps, turns and runs, tail tucked between its hind legs. A quick loud sound from it draws the remainder of the pack and Lightning watches six animals dart off as the sun crests the horizon.
She stands poised until the last trace of the pack disappears into the hills. She watches them, closes her eyes and sniffs the air; can still smell them despite the distance. Time ticks by as her muscles unwind, unclench. She flicks her wrist, flinging blood off the end of her blade before holstering her weapon. Something drips into her eyes, burning them and she lifts a hand to wipe them. Both hands are coated red. She looks at them in horror as time reasserts itself. The world returns to her in a mess of yelling and howling.
Lightning whips around, slips in the blood beneath her feet. She topples, almost hits the ground before righting herself and finding her balance. The semi-gutted, dying animal is still screaming in pain-yelping and whimpering pathetically. Lightning looks at it, laying there dying slowly not ten feet from her. She blinks once, feels nothing, blinks again and feels ill. She'd had no choice and yet she's horrified. Had she not killed it, it would have killed her. The truth of the knowledge offers her no comfort. She can't undo what has happened but she can ease the creature's passing. She pulls her weapon, switches to gun mode and puts the animal down quick and clean with one well placed shot. She sinks to her knees beside the now silent creature, head hung in utter misery. She pets the animal's neck, feels the corpse cooling beneath her fingers. The animal's pelt feels like velvet as she strokes it. She brushes fingers against the grain and then with it, back and forth, over and over, soothing only herself with her rhythmic petting.
Again. She's living her nightmare all over again. Kneeling on the ground, coated in the blood of a creature she has destroyed.
"Sis?"
Lightning snaps her head up, blood from her hair spattering her arms and legs. Spattering Snow's face. She feels the now familiar trickle of blood over her lips, her teeth. She presses the heel of her hand to her nose, doing her best to stem the flow. Snow approaches her slowly, squats down beside her. He stills the motions of her hand over the dead animal, grasps the other elbow and lifts her up.
"Sis? You alright?" She shakes her head. She still can't speak. She feels the blood drying on her skin. It itches. She wants to scratch it off. "That was unbelievable." He pulls her forward, catches her when her legs start to buckle. He slings an arm around her waist, braces her up against his body and walks out of the battle zone.
"Is everyone else okay?" She asks. Every muscle in her body burns and trembles.
"Um." His hesitation bottoms her stomach out. "Yeah. A few bumps and bruises. I think Vanille got scratched. But they didn't come after us, really." Didn't...
"What are you talking about? There were eight of them." She looks around the group. They are all pale and shaken but uninjured.
"Yeah. And they all surrounded you, Soldier." Sazh speaks up, holds out a handkerchief for her. She takes it, holds it over her nose. She's totally confused.
"You don't remember that, Light?" Hope says. He looks torn between hugging her and running from her. She's once again a gore covered mess and he looks awed and horrified in equal measures. She can relate.
"I only saw the big one. The alpha male," her voice quavers. "And the one that attacked me." The one that I killed.
"Five of them surrounded you, Sis. We were trying to get past the other three without getting shredded."
Huh? No way! She glances around at everyone waiting for someone to dispute the claim.
"I don't remember that. I only remember the one." So focused on it. Eyes fixed on the twin lanterns of its eyes. Didn't even see the other before it was bleeding out all over her and the ground. "Two. Only the two."
"Well, I gotta tell you, Sis, I've never seen anything like that before in my life. I thought they were going to rip you apart right in front of us." He holds her tighter to him as if he doesn't quite believe that she's still in one piece. She's not sure she believes it either. "I didn't know what the hell we were going to do. We couldn't get near you."
"Hero's right." Fang tilts her head at Lightning. Assessing damage. Assessing danger? " You know, Gran Pulse is my home. The animals here are always an interesting surprise. But I've never seen them behave that way." Fang says. "You alright, then? Everything still in one piece, if you catch my meaning?"
Lightning thinks about it. "Yeah. I think so." No way of knowing for sure. She's shaken and shaking but still in control of herself. For now. "Why would they do that? Come after me like that?"
Her brand itches. Ignites. She has a memory of the Cie'th stone from yesterday and suddenly it's crystal clear. She knows the truth like Serah's voice; like how to field strip her weapon. The Cie'th stone. That monster by the lake. Her shiny new focus. That alpha male is her new target. And she's let him get away... She stares into the empty distance, wondering how far the pack has wandered. If she should give chase.
/Yes./
No!
"Sit down, Lightning." Vanille says. "You're still bleeding." It's like Vanille has cut her strings with those words. All Lightning's joints turn to liquid and if Snow hadn't been holding onto her, she'd have face-planted right there.
"Woah," Snow says, and hauls her back to her feet. Her head lolls on her neck, blood pouring onto the ground from her nose. "Sis?" he asks. All she can see is her blood dipped hair hanging around her face, and the toes of her blood coated boots flattening the grass beneath her feet. Her arms are dead, hanging heavy from their sockets and swinging like pendulums. She gets a glance of her blood dipped fingers as they sway. The periphery of her vision grays out, wobbles. Her eyelids are too heavy to hold open any more so she lets them dip, surrenders to the sweet seduction of oblivion.
'Kill the demon!', someone yells and the mob swells with menace. She runs for all she's worth through streets and alleys in an effort to evade the projectiles being hurled at her. One catches her in the shoulder, spins her around. The mob behind her has grown. Fear pools low in her belly and she turns back around and runs.
'Get it! Kill it.' The voices blur with yells, with snarls. She shuts them out, focuses on getting away. The once familiar streets are now a sinister labyrinth. Every corner she turns leads to more angry people, more angry mob. If they hadn't been such a disorganized mess, she'd be convinced they were herding her. As it is, they are limiting her ability to flee, and forcing her to fight.
Another turn leads her to a dead end. 'We've got it!' She hears. She stares at the stone edifice before her, scrabbles at it in an attempt to get handholds, toeholds. She tears fingernails in an effort to get a grip before abandoning the task as useless. There is no way up from here. She turns and waits.
Pale faces painted with rage approach. She narrows her eyes at them, feels the burn start in the brand between her shoulder blades, in her fingers as she calls the magic.
'Don't,' she says. She thinks she says. She tries to say. She hears a croak, a growl. The mob pauses, fury melting into fear. Someone is yelling from the back of the alley to attack, those in the front are saying 'wait, wait.'
Every muscle in her body tenses, tightens, tingles. The tingle gives way to tearing, burning pain shooting through joints that crack and creak. Muscles pull until she thinks they'll strip clean from the bones beneath. She screams, howls. She can't close her mouth around the scream anymore. Her jaw snaps on the next howl; teeth clack and gnash, sharpen and lengthen, gouge into the lips that cover them, spilling blood over her chin.
The mob in front of her pushes and retreats simultaneously. Screams from everywhere as the oneness and organization melt into chaos. Self preservation asserts itself too late for them. She reaches, grabs the first one near her, feels blood gout and gush beneath teeth, over her tongue. Screams fill the air as the nearest try to escape, the furthest try to attack. Trampling feet pulverize those unfortunate enough to lose their balance. The alley becomes a meat grinder.
She becomes the blade.
"Lightning!" Snow shouts and she snaps awake, head whipping up. She's hanging in Snow's grip, but she's staring at the sky now instead of the ground. Her face stings from where he's slapped her awake. He kneels beside her, knee pressed into her hip. The arm beneath her shoulder blades trembles, whether from tension or fear is anyone's guess. "Sis! You with us?"
"I'm here." She shifts and he tightens his grip. "How long was I out?"
"A minute. Maybe two." He points to something out of her line of sight. "Give me that." The flask hovers over her face and she slaps it away, dumps the contents all over herself and Snow. "Hey!"
"No drugs." She grunts. She is not going back to sleep again. She can't bear to face the increasingly brutal nightmares that plague her. This last one was blood soaked and awful. She can still feel the utter ecstasy of the devastation.
"It was water, Soldier." Sazh says from her other side. "No injury, no drugs. We promise."
"Oh." She feels foolish for a moment; finds she's too tired to sustain the feeling. "Water sounds good."
"Here," Hope says from out of eyeshot, and another flask appears in Snow's hand. He holds it up to her.
"You gonna dump this one on me too?"
"Maybe," she says and he smiles. He pulls her to a sitting position as she plucks the flask from his hands and takes a sip. Just water as promised. She takes a deep drink, feels Snow's hand pressed into the small of her back.
"Look, I don't want to be a downer here," Fang says, "but you've gotta get that blood off you and we've gotta get away from this corpse. Something's going to smell the blood. We're gonna have scavengers here in no time, and I think we've had enough fun with the local wildlife today. Yeah?"
Lightning looks down at herself. She's covered in drying blood. "Yeah, you're right." Lightning finishes the water and stands up. All things considered, she feels remarkably well. She's still exhausted but there's nothing to be done about that. Sleep is out of the question for now. If she has her way, sleep is off the menu forever. She grabs her pack. "I'll be back in a few."
"You can't go by yourself." Lightning looks at Hope with a raised eyebrow. The boy flushes scarlet, realizing the implications of his statement. "I mean..."
"It's not safe," Snow adds, crossing his arms over his chest. Lightning feels a fondness for these two despite the absurdity of the situation. Really? Hadn't she just turned into the angel of death a few minutes ago? She's more than capable of taking a bath without supervision! And exactly which one of them thinks they should be supervising her baths anyway? Sazh, she notices, is tacitly ignoring the entire exchange. He's developed a sudden fascination with his boots. Smart man.
"I'll go with her," Fang speaks up. "You gents can pack everything up and rustle up some food." Fang grabs her own pack and walks over to Lightning. "Vanille?"
"I'm going to make something to eat. " She's eyeing the corpse with an intensity that gives Lightning a chill. Vanille walks over and hands Fang a bag. "Fill these flasks, will you? We're running low."
"Got it. Be back in a few." Fang promises and she and Lightning take off for the lake.
"I think it's dead," Fang says. Lightning looks at the soaked, stained vest in her hands, then back at Fang. She sighs, puts the vest on the rock and starts scrubbing at the stains again. Fang lays a hand on her shoulder. "There's no hope for it, my friend. It's done for."
Lightning lifts the vest up again, holds it by the shoulders to get a look at it. Fang's right. It is dead. "I really like this vest."
"Nothing to be done about it." Fang plucks the vest from Lightning's hands, throws it on the ground. "We'll give it a proper send off." Fang digs in her pack, comes out with a flask and a match. She takes a deep drink from the flask, pours some on the vest. "Want some? It's good stuff."
Lightning takes the flask and sniffs it. Whatever foul concoction is in there smells atrocious. "Pass, thanks." She hands the flask back to Fang. Sleep deprivation, blood loss and alcohol seems like a pretty bad idea right now.
"Suit yourself." Fang pockets the flask, pulls a match and tosses it on the vest. The garment goes up like a Roman Candle.
Lightning watches the vest burn with regret for a moment. She roots around in her bag, trying to come up with something to wear. She can't just wander around in her underwear, although at the rate she's destroying clothes, that soon may be her only option. "I'm running out of clothes."
"Here," Fang says, and she tosses something underhand. "You can have this. Try not to eviscerate anything for a couple of days. I don't have all that much clothing either, you know."
"Thanks," Lightning says, pulling the shirt on. Shirt, she thinks, is a relative term. Fang has an affinity for being scantily clad, it seems. Still, beggars can't be choosers. She rolls on her left glove, puts on her vambraces and buckles her holster around her thigh. She's managed to save her cape from the fire pit, so she buckles it on. Suited up and armed, she feels slightly less naked. A breeze chills the exposed flesh of her belly and arms.
Very slightly.
"Ready then?" Fang says. She and Fang split the full water canteens and flasks, and load them up like pack animals.
"Yep." She does feel much better now that she's cleaned the blood from her hair and skin, though not as good as she'd feel in hot water. And clothes. She'd kill for a hot bath. Maybe when they reach Oerba...
"So, you really don't remember that fight?" Fang asks. Lightning considers her answer.
"I remember pieces of it." /Bloodlust roaring at her, whispers to ravage./
"I couldn't get the Hero to shut up. He was shouting for you and I thought for sure he was going to distract you and get you killed. Or get himself killed."
The picture Fang paints for her sends a shiver down her spine. "I didn't hear him."
"Well, I can understand somewhat. When you're fighting, you disappear into a zone. It's all survival. Kill or be killed. There's no real rational thought left. I know it happens to me."
"You don't have to try and..."
"I'm not trying anything, alright?" Fang interrupts, quick and nervous. "I'm just saying that adrenaline wreaks havoc on our senses and screws with memory. That's all."
Lightning opens her mouth to argue. Closes it again. How bad are things when Fang is comforting her? How bad are things when she's willing to allow Fang to offer comfort? The answer comes unbidden. Pretty damn bad. The two spend the remainder of the walk in contemplative silence.
The camp is not broken down by the time they return and Lightening can't help but be irritated. It has taken nearly two hours to hike to the lake, fill all the empty canteens, buckets and flasks, bathe, comb the dried blood and god know what else out of her hair, clean her clothes, dress and hike back. The least that Snow, Sazh and Hope could have done is pack up their stuff. Instead they all sit looking pale and bit clammy. Lightning puts the water down, shoulder complaining under the strain of the weight.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Sazh says. Lightning raises an eyebrow.
"Nothing." Snow says. Lightning crosses her arms over her chest and looks at Hope for an answer.
"Um. Vanille skinned that animal." Lightning looks across camp and sees Vanille butchering the animal's carcass.
"Oh." Lightning says, putting the water down. "That's a good idea."
"Good idea. Yeah." Snow agrees, still looking slightly green. Lightning puts her water down and takes a good look at the three of them.
"So, I'm guessing you haven't eaten anything." She shouldn't really be surprised by their shock or disgust. After all, on Cocoon the entire food supply is generated by the fal'Cie Carbuncle. Odds are that none of them have really had much survival training. Vanille has been handling preparing most of the food since they've been on Gran Pulse, and the animals that they've eaten have been much smaller. It's one thing to watch someone skin a fish, or hare, or pluck a bird. Watching someone skin an animal three times the size of a man is a whole other story. Instead of fingers, Vanille would have had to use her fist to separate the hide from the meat. And considering her petite stature, it must have been quite a sight.
Lightning goes to see if she can help. In PSICOM she'd had to learn how to survive on her own as part of her training. She's not exactly adept, but she's certainly capable. Fang is mixing something together that smells atrocious. The hide looks cleaned and hydrated already and Lightning can only attribute that to the joys of magic. Vanille is not much of a fighter, but she can sure cast a mean spell. Lightning has no idea what sort of magic Vanille has worked here, but she sure the hell knows that preparing animal hides for tanning and use takes time. Days and days. "Anything I can do?"
Fang looks up and says, "Yeah. You can stay clean and not destroy that shirt. Vanille, love, are we really going to be able to finish this today? I'm not really interested in hanging around on the Steppe for longer than necessary."
"Uh huh." Vanille says, filleting meat into familiar strips for curing. "We'll have to let it set overnight, but it'll be worth it when we're in Mah'Habara. It can get awfully cold in those tunnels and a bit of fur will be awfully welcome."
"Hmm." Fang says, stirring and macerating whatever is in the pot. Considering what they're doing, she's guessing brains for tanning.
Lightning gives up trying to figure out what they're talking about, figures that she should work on preparing the water and setting up a perimeter. They're going to be here until tomorrow.
"So, one day of travelling and we're standing still again," Snow grumps as he sits himself beside her.
"So it seems." Lightning says. She strings a nylon cloth across the top of the pot and slowly decants the water through it in order to remove any silt or sand. Since it sounds as if they'll be here for the day, she plans to take her time preparing their water. She's tired of taking a sip of water and getting a mouthful of grit. She looks up, sees that the sun is already past its apex. "The days are getting shorter. And Vanille says we'll need the fur, so I guess it's going to get colder pretty fast. One day to prepare ourselves isn't time wasted." She throws another log on the fire to get it higher. "Besides, I feel better using a slaughtered animal than leaving it to rot."
"Hey, Sis, you know that you had no choice in that mess, right? I know that you said you didn't want to kill anything..."
"I didn't." Liar! "I don't. But survival is survival. If I didn't kill this one it would have killed me. Or we would have had to kill some other animal soon enough." Hope comes and sits beside her with a pile of animal bones. She removes the nylon carefully, stirs the pot, looks at him and says, "What are you doing?"
"I don't know. I just. I had this dream. I think I know a way to improve our weapons." Dream? Oh god, she hopes that he's not having dreams like hers. The idea of it makes her sick.
"Yeah, give me one of those," Sazh says, sitting beside him. Hope slides a bone toward Sazh. The four of them now sit in a loose circle around the slowly heating water. Sazh hands Snow a full plate of cooked meat. "Try some of that. It's delicious. Vanille sure can cook!" Snow takes a piece and hands the plate to her. She offers some to Hope, watches to make sure he eats before examining the meat for herself. She takes a piece of hot meat between her fingernails, nibbles at it. Sazh is right. It is delicious.
Sazh dumps the contents of his satchel of collected odds and ends, strips one Altair pistol down to parts and begins fiddling around. "What are you doing?" Lightning asks, curious and a bit horrified. She'll take her weapon apart to clean and oil it. But the idea of screwing around with her weapon is disturbing.
"I'm not really sure. But the kid said something that rings a bell with me." Sazh fits strange objects together, uses bizarre oils to grease the parts as he slides them back together. "Remember when I said that I'd lost chunks of memory and then got back memories of stuff I'd never known?" His fingers fly over the pieces of his gun as if he's made this modification thousands of times. "Well, I didn't just know how to mix up some new potions. I also knew how to make equipment modifications."
"Why didn't you say anything before?" Snow asks. His tone is curious without accusation.
"Honestly?" Sazh says as the slide of his pistol snaps forward. "I wasn't sure if I was remembering something or just losing my mind."
"You too, kid?" Snow asks.
Hope shakes his head. "For me it's different. It's not like I know it, but like I've seen it." Hope says. "Can I use that cable?" Sazh hands it over without looking, still intently modifying his pistols. Hope integrates the cable into his Airwing, hooks up something that sets the whole weapon humming. Lightning thinks about her own weapon, wonders if there's anything she can do to improve it before discarding the idea. The idea of profaning her weapon is too disturbing to consider.
"I'm glad I fight hand to hand. That all looks too confusing." Snow says, stealing another piece of meat from the plate in Lightning's lap.
"I could improve your coat. Like armor, if you want. I've got this carapace and leather here. I'm pretty sure I can work it in so you can't see it." Snow looks at his coat, skeptical. "You get hit an awful lot Hero, and you tend to stick to the front lines." Snow hems and haws for a bit before shrugging off his coat and letting Sazh have at it.
"What are you kiddies up to?" Fang says as she takes a seat in the circle. "Oooh. Are you done with that? I'm starving." Fang points to the plate that Lightning still holds. Lightning nods, hands over the plate. Snow plucks a piece of meat from the plate as it passes in front of him and Fang growls at him. He gives her his most dazzling smile. She smirks back at him. To Lightning she says, "Cheers!" She pops a piece of the meat into her mouth and hums her delight.
"So, what are you up to then Sazh?" Fang says around a mouthful of food. "That looks complicated."
Sazh is still fiddling with one pistol, adding strange components that they've accumulated over the past six weeks. Fang watches with fascination. "Hey, that looks pretty neat. Can you teach me that?"
"I'm not sure. It's not something I learned. I just...knew it."
"I think it's important that we talk about that," Lightning says. "About the dreams too," she says to Hope. Hope looks at her with wide eyes. Her gut rolls when she realizes that she's frightened him.
"What's on your mind then?" Fang says.
"Well, these abilities that Sazh has now." Lightning starts. "Does anyone have any idea what they might mean?"
Sazh shrugs. "I don't know. I can't say I'm not concerned about what's happening to me. But if it's useful, what the hell, right? Not like ignoring it is making it stop or go away."
Fang nods. "Right. And becoming l'Cie gave us magic, yeah? So, why should we be surprised if we learn other things. I have no idea how I know how to cast spells now. I just do."
Lightning nods. Fang makes an excellent point. Still, what's the explanation for the dreams.
"Hope, are your dreams...disturbing?"
"Huh?" Hope looks clueless. She is immediately relieved. If his dreams mirrored her own in any way, there is no way he could hide it from her. "What do you mean?"
"What are your dreams like?" She asks. She doesn't want to alarm him. Maybe Hope's dreams are pleasant and peaceful.
"I think the question here Sis, is what are your dreams like?" Snow leans forward, hands clasped between his knees.
Lightning sighs. Snow exasperates her. "Violent," she says honestly.
"Well, all things considered, I think that's pretty understandable, Soldier." Sazh says, slipping components into his wristband. "We've been fighting nonstop for six weeks. Watching people die, killing to stay alive. I've been having my fair share of nightmares."
"Are they normal nightmares?"
Sazh frowns. "What's a normal nightmare?"
Good question. Truth time.
"My dreams...nightmares feel more like memories than dreams." They all look at her, considering.
"I have nightmares about Serah turning to crystal," Snow admits. "That's a memory and a nightmare."
"Yes, it is." How can she explain this so it will make sense? Of course, that might be easier if it made any sort of sense to her. "But that's your memory." Lightning says, willing them to understand. "I'm having dreams that are like other people's memories." They all just stare at her. "At least, that's how they feel."
"Well, how can that be?" Sazh asks.
"I don't know. And I don't even know if that's what it is. I know it sounds crazy." I feel crazy.
I am crazy.
"Well, what do you remember?" Hope asks.
"I don't know. I don't know if that's even what they are. It's just how they feel. And I was wondering if I was the only one." I hope so. I hope not. God, what is wrong with me? "It's not important."
Snow looks like he's about to refute her statement when Vanille shrieks. Panic splashes over the group like a bucket of ice water. Fang nearly bowls Lightning over in an effort to reach Vanille. Sazh yells "Vanille!" and cocks both pistols, darts into the fray.
Lightning draws her weapon, terror pumping through her as she runs toward Vanille, Snow and Hope hard on her heels. They arrive to find Fang bent over a bleeding, woozy Vanille; Sazh stands guard, surveying the area for any threats. Lightning stops, waits, scans the area for threats. Nothing moves in the light breeze. "What happened?" She asks.
"Don't know," Fang snaps. She has a cloth pressed against Vanille's head. Hope runs to the prostrate girl, starts fussing over her. Lightning watches him for a moment, worried that he's going to use magic but unable to caution him against it. She looks away, continues monitoring for attack.
"Vanille? What happened?" Fang asks. Sazh is still poised with both guns leveled before him. He stares into the lengthening shadows, willing something to appear. He looks like he wants to kill something right now. Fang whispers, "Did you see?"
"Hmmm." Vanille grunts. She's too out of it to give answers. Lightning spots blood on a rock beside her, figures that the girl banged her head. She nudges Snow, points to the blood. He nods, continues looking for what's hit her and knocked her down.
"Did you fall?" Fang asks. Lightning holsters her weapon, kneels down next to Vanille to check her over. Vanille's pupils are blown wide from an obvious concussion. She's disoriented and in pain. Lightning runs her fingers around the back of her head and finds a bleeding bump where her head must have connected with the rock.
"She's not going to be able to answer you right now." Lightning concentrates, draws all her power to herself and casts a cure spell. The bump shrinks and disappears under her fingers. Vanille's eyes close in relief as the swelling subsides. "Give her a few minutes and give her some water." Fang nods at her, touches the freshly healed spot on the back of Vanille's head.
The gentle breeze picks up, whips Lightning's hair into her eyes. She swats at the offending hairs, squints into the breeze and shivers. She looks up to see if there are storm clouds gathering overhead...
Sees the Amphisbaena swooping down at them, aimed for Hope.
"No!" She gasps and hurls herself at Hope and Fang, knocks them to the ground and pins them beneath her. Claws rake across her back, drawing blood and a curse. The animal forces its weight down on her, closes its talons around her ribs, long claws pricking into her flesh. She bites her lip to stifle the yell, curls over Hope and waits for further onslaught. Gunshots ring out, the animal squawks once and ascends. Lightning rolls off of Hope and leaps to her feet, weapon drawn and firing in one move. Hope starts to get up and Lightning presses him back to the ground with her left hand.
"Stay down!"
"But..."
"Just do it, Hope." She growls, pressing him onto his belly. Fang is on her feet now, bladed lance whirling in her hands.
The animal circles overhead, shadow doing a slow, languorous sweep over the six companions. The animal takes its time assessing them, building its confidence and frazzling their nerves. Lightning stands protectively over Hope and Vanille, refusing to allow this creature access to the two youngest members of the group. She looks at Snow, sees the fury in his eyes, in his red face.
"Snow," she calls. He's too good to take his eyes off the threat.
"Yeah, Light. What's up?"
"Keep Hope and Vanille safe." That gets his attention. He looks over at her, confused. She winks at him and his eyes widen. She's moving before he can open his mouth. She runs for all she's worth, fires her weapon at the hovering threat. Makes a nuisance and moving target of herself.
"Lightning, no!" Snow yells. She ignores him, runs full tilt for the cliff face. The animal's shadow overtakes her before she gets there and she turns, ready for whatever comes. The animal tucks its wings close to its body, preparing to dive-bomb.
"Light!" Hope yells.
"Don't just stand there, you crazy bitch!" Fang yells. Lightning hears Fang charging for her, knows she won't make it.
Odin appears between Lightning and the Amphisbaena. The animal startles, opens its wings in an effort to slow its descent. It shimmies in mid air, squawks in frightened rage. It hadn't been expecting that.
How about this?
Lightning leaps up, willing Odin to understand her intentions. It does, the two of them tuned to each other. The Eidolon knows her needs almost before she does. Odin catches her in mid-air and hurls her at the faltering animal. She's like a bullet from a gun, hurtling toward her target. Her blade tears through the creature's wing like tissue paper on her ascent. The animal can no longer stay aloft and spins out, screaming as it falls. Its long tail catches her in the ribs with brutal force, spins her around and ruins her trajectory. She's lost her wind and orientation as a result of the hit. Gravity grabs a hold of her before she'd planned and she plunges head first toward the ground.
"Lightning!" Snow shouts.
She allows herself a second to regret before she closes her eyes and waits for death.
Chapter 12
Gestalt
Summary: This is a story of the Evolution of the character of Lightning throughout Final Fantasy XIII. The story will begin in the Vile Peaks and go through the rest of the game. There will be AU components to this tale. No Pairing (although you can read whatever you like into it.)
ge·stalt (g -shtält , -shtôlt , -stält , -stôlt )
1. a configuration, pattern, or organized field having specific properties that cannot be derived from the summation of its component parts; a unified whole.
2. an instance or example of such a unified whole.
Summation: The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
-Gestalt-
The attack comes just shy of sunrise. Lightning had been too restless to sleep even after her watch ended. She'd stayed awake through the other two watches, falling into light dozes for a few minutes before snapping awake again. She'd been too anxious, feeling the watchful eye of the predator on the group all night.
When the black of night gives way to purples and blues heralding the dawn, Lightning almost believes they have gotten lucky. But with the soft pink glow of sunrise cresting over the hillsides like a halo comes a blitz of snarling and salivating violence. The beast is upon them before they can even regain their feet.
Lightning leaps up, pulls her weapon as the animal pounces at her. She leaps backwards, her reflexes and instincts saving her from getting a sneak peek at her innards. The creature is all teeth and claws, sleek muscular body as tall as Snow and twice as long again. This is an animal built to kill, a perfect predator blessed with speed, stealth and the patience to stalk.
The animal moves in on her, slow and considering, searching for a way to make a clean kill. The whole camp is in chaos, but she tunes it out. She keeps her eyes on the beast before her, trains the whole of her consciousness on the attacking animal.
Time slows. She steps back and it paws forward. Lips curl away from a mouthful of spikes, front teeth spears overhanging the bottom jaw. She steps back again and it lunges, jaws snapping, and forepaw swatting without connecting. She reacts, whips her blade in an upward arc to fend off the claws. It withdraws its paw and pauses. Waiting. Something is off. This animal could have had her already. It outweighs her. It could run her down before she takes a step, have her throat before she could scream. Instead, it's toying with her.
Distracting her.
The answer fits, touches off warning bells in her head. She holds her weapon in a warding gesture, refuses to rise to the creature's bait and attack. She takes another retreating step, and the animal lets out a bellow. Hot breath mixed with saliva spray over her; the breath reeks of rotting meat and death, and the combination of sound, smell and feeling almost forces a wince. She fights the instinct to close her eyes, knows as soon as she does she's dead.
Another retreating step and the animal paws the ground, shakes its head and snorts at her. She's trying to get her back to the cliff wall, get herself into a defensible position. The animal lunges to her right, rakes its claws low in an attempt to take her feet out from under her. She leaps, swings the blade downward, and whirls it up again catching the left paw in the pad before it can connect with her throat.
The animal leaps back, screams again. There are answering calls all around. The ambush she'd been expecting is upon them. She refuses to take her eyes off the animal before her for the second it will take to check her periphery.
Her vision tunnels out as the world drops away from her. Her brand tingles, her heart races. Hearing vanishes into the adrenaline abyss. A deep, slow breath fills her, and the exhale carries away fear and doubt. Rumbling fills her mind, her throat. She bends her knees, adjusts her stance and lunges.
The animal retreats a step from her, suddenly unsure how to proceed. She has confused it by attacking. She narrows her eyes, lifts her weapon and twirls her body like a tornado. Her blade catches somewhere and the animal retreats further, yelping. She scents blood on the air, knows she's delivered a blow. The knowledge enervates her, drives her forward in her attack. She refuses to allow escape. Now that she has an advantage she gives chase, takes two steps, feels the danger a moment before the second creature lunges for her; avoids collision and death by a hair's breadth.
She drops and rolls beneath the leaping animal, brings her blade up two handed across the underbelly, spilling intestines out onto the ground beside her, pouring blood like rain down across her arms and body. The animal shrieks and lands in a heap, blood erupting in time with its heartbeat. Lightning doesn't pause to even cast a glance to the dying, gutted animal. She rolls back to her feet and leaps, somersaulting above the alpha male and landing behind it, putting it between her and the cliff face. The animal spins around and snaps at her, more dangerous for the fact that it's cornered.
Lightning paces outward from it in a circle, weapon clenched tightly in her hands. The animal roars at her, and she feels the answering scream tear from her. Fire bursts from her hands and blade uncalled, igniting the area around her in a white hot inferno. The scents of smoke and singed hair linger in the air in the wake of the blaze. The animal shrinks away, obviously cowed by the display of magic; the display of fury and undiluted aggression. Lightning steps forward, threatening, and the animal jumps, turns and runs, tail tucked between its hind legs. A quick loud sound from it draws the remainder of the pack and Lightning watches six animals dart off as the sun crests the horizon.
She stands poised until the last trace of the pack disappears into the hills. She watches them, closes her eyes and sniffs the air; can still smell them despite the distance. Time ticks by as her muscles unwind, unclench. She flicks her wrist, flinging blood off the end of her blade before holstering her weapon. Something drips into her eyes, burning them and she lifts a hand to wipe them. Both hands are coated red. She looks at them in horror as time reasserts itself. The world returns to her in a mess of yelling and howling.
Lightning whips around, slips in the blood beneath her feet. She topples, almost hits the ground before righting herself and finding her balance. The semi-gutted, dying animal is still screaming in pain-yelping and whimpering pathetically. Lightning looks at it, laying there dying slowly not ten feet from her. She blinks once, feels nothing, blinks again and feels ill. She'd had no choice and yet she's horrified. Had she not killed it, it would have killed her. The truth of the knowledge offers her no comfort. She can't undo what has happened but she can ease the creature's passing. She pulls her weapon, switches to gun mode and puts the animal down quick and clean with one well placed shot. She sinks to her knees beside the now silent creature, head hung in utter misery. She pets the animal's neck, feels the corpse cooling beneath her fingers. The animal's pelt feels like velvet as she strokes it. She brushes fingers against the grain and then with it, back and forth, over and over, soothing only herself with her rhythmic petting.
Again. She's living her nightmare all over again. Kneeling on the ground, coated in the blood of a creature she has destroyed.
"Sis?"
Lightning snaps her head up, blood from her hair spattering her arms and legs. Spattering Snow's face. She feels the now familiar trickle of blood over her lips, her teeth. She presses the heel of her hand to her nose, doing her best to stem the flow. Snow approaches her slowly, squats down beside her. He stills the motions of her hand over the dead animal, grasps the other elbow and lifts her up.
"Sis? You alright?" She shakes her head. She still can't speak. She feels the blood drying on her skin. It itches. She wants to scratch it off. "That was unbelievable." He pulls her forward, catches her when her legs start to buckle. He slings an arm around her waist, braces her up against his body and walks out of the battle zone.
"Is everyone else okay?" She asks. Every muscle in her body burns and trembles.
"Um." His hesitation bottoms her stomach out. "Yeah. A few bumps and bruises. I think Vanille got scratched. But they didn't come after us, really." Didn't...
"What are you talking about? There were eight of them." She looks around the group. They are all pale and shaken but uninjured.
"Yeah. And they all surrounded you, Soldier." Sazh speaks up, holds out a handkerchief for her. She takes it, holds it over her nose. She's totally confused.
"You don't remember that, Light?" Hope says. He looks torn between hugging her and running from her. She's once again a gore covered mess and he looks awed and horrified in equal measures. She can relate.
"I only saw the big one. The alpha male," her voice quavers. "And the one that attacked me." The one that I killed.
"Five of them surrounded you, Sis. We were trying to get past the other three without getting shredded."
Huh? No way! She glances around at everyone waiting for someone to dispute the claim.
"I don't remember that. I only remember the one." So focused on it. Eyes fixed on the twin lanterns of its eyes. Didn't even see the other before it was bleeding out all over her and the ground. "Two. Only the two."
"Well, I gotta tell you, Sis, I've never seen anything like that before in my life. I thought they were going to rip you apart right in front of us." He holds her tighter to him as if he doesn't quite believe that she's still in one piece. She's not sure she believes it either. "I didn't know what the hell we were going to do. We couldn't get near you."
"Hero's right." Fang tilts her head at Lightning. Assessing damage. Assessing danger? " You know, Gran Pulse is my home. The animals here are always an interesting surprise. But I've never seen them behave that way." Fang says. "You alright, then? Everything still in one piece, if you catch my meaning?"
Lightning thinks about it. "Yeah. I think so." No way of knowing for sure. She's shaken and shaking but still in control of herself. For now. "Why would they do that? Come after me like that?"
Her brand itches. Ignites. She has a memory of the Cie'th stone from yesterday and suddenly it's crystal clear. She knows the truth like Serah's voice; like how to field strip her weapon. The Cie'th stone. That monster by the lake. Her shiny new focus. That alpha male is her new target. And she's let him get away... She stares into the empty distance, wondering how far the pack has wandered. If she should give chase.
/Yes./
No!
"Sit down, Lightning." Vanille says. "You're still bleeding." It's like Vanille has cut her strings with those words. All Lightning's joints turn to liquid and if Snow hadn't been holding onto her, she'd have face-planted right there.
"Woah," Snow says, and hauls her back to her feet. Her head lolls on her neck, blood pouring onto the ground from her nose. "Sis?" he asks. All she can see is her blood dipped hair hanging around her face, and the toes of her blood coated boots flattening the grass beneath her feet. Her arms are dead, hanging heavy from their sockets and swinging like pendulums. She gets a glance of her blood dipped fingers as they sway. The periphery of her vision grays out, wobbles. Her eyelids are too heavy to hold open any more so she lets them dip, surrenders to the sweet seduction of oblivion.
'Kill the demon!', someone yells and the mob swells with menace. She runs for all she's worth through streets and alleys in an effort to evade the projectiles being hurled at her. One catches her in the shoulder, spins her around. The mob behind her has grown. Fear pools low in her belly and she turns back around and runs.
'Get it! Kill it.' The voices blur with yells, with snarls. She shuts them out, focuses on getting away. The once familiar streets are now a sinister labyrinth. Every corner she turns leads to more angry people, more angry mob. If they hadn't been such a disorganized mess, she'd be convinced they were herding her. As it is, they are limiting her ability to flee, and forcing her to fight.
Another turn leads her to a dead end. 'We've got it!' She hears. She stares at the stone edifice before her, scrabbles at it in an attempt to get handholds, toeholds. She tears fingernails in an effort to get a grip before abandoning the task as useless. There is no way up from here. She turns and waits.
Pale faces painted with rage approach. She narrows her eyes at them, feels the burn start in the brand between her shoulder blades, in her fingers as she calls the magic.
'Don't,' she says. She thinks she says. She tries to say. She hears a croak, a growl. The mob pauses, fury melting into fear. Someone is yelling from the back of the alley to attack, those in the front are saying 'wait, wait.'
Every muscle in her body tenses, tightens, tingles. The tingle gives way to tearing, burning pain shooting through joints that crack and creak. Muscles pull until she thinks they'll strip clean from the bones beneath. She screams, howls. She can't close her mouth around the scream anymore. Her jaw snaps on the next howl; teeth clack and gnash, sharpen and lengthen, gouge into the lips that cover them, spilling blood over her chin.
The mob in front of her pushes and retreats simultaneously. Screams from everywhere as the oneness and organization melt into chaos. Self preservation asserts itself too late for them. She reaches, grabs the first one near her, feels blood gout and gush beneath teeth, over her tongue. Screams fill the air as the nearest try to escape, the furthest try to attack. Trampling feet pulverize those unfortunate enough to lose their balance. The alley becomes a meat grinder.
She becomes the blade.
"Lightning!" Snow shouts and she snaps awake, head whipping up. She's hanging in Snow's grip, but she's staring at the sky now instead of the ground. Her face stings from where he's slapped her awake. He kneels beside her, knee pressed into her hip. The arm beneath her shoulder blades trembles, whether from tension or fear is anyone's guess. "Sis! You with us?"
"I'm here." She shifts and he tightens his grip. "How long was I out?"
"A minute. Maybe two." He points to something out of her line of sight. "Give me that." The flask hovers over her face and she slaps it away, dumps the contents all over herself and Snow. "Hey!"
"No drugs." She grunts. She is not going back to sleep again. She can't bear to face the increasingly brutal nightmares that plague her. This last one was blood soaked and awful. She can still feel the utter ecstasy of the devastation.
"It was water, Soldier." Sazh says from her other side. "No injury, no drugs. We promise."
"Oh." She feels foolish for a moment; finds she's too tired to sustain the feeling. "Water sounds good."
"Here," Hope says from out of eyeshot, and another flask appears in Snow's hand. He holds it up to her.
"You gonna dump this one on me too?"
"Maybe," she says and he smiles. He pulls her to a sitting position as she plucks the flask from his hands and takes a sip. Just water as promised. She takes a deep drink, feels Snow's hand pressed into the small of her back.
"Look, I don't want to be a downer here," Fang says, "but you've gotta get that blood off you and we've gotta get away from this corpse. Something's going to smell the blood. We're gonna have scavengers here in no time, and I think we've had enough fun with the local wildlife today. Yeah?"
Lightning looks down at herself. She's covered in drying blood. "Yeah, you're right." Lightning finishes the water and stands up. All things considered, she feels remarkably well. She's still exhausted but there's nothing to be done about that. Sleep is out of the question for now. If she has her way, sleep is off the menu forever. She grabs her pack. "I'll be back in a few."
"You can't go by yourself." Lightning looks at Hope with a raised eyebrow. The boy flushes scarlet, realizing the implications of his statement. "I mean..."
"It's not safe," Snow adds, crossing his arms over his chest. Lightning feels a fondness for these two despite the absurdity of the situation. Really? Hadn't she just turned into the angel of death a few minutes ago? She's more than capable of taking a bath without supervision! And exactly which one of them thinks they should be supervising her baths anyway? Sazh, she notices, is tacitly ignoring the entire exchange. He's developed a sudden fascination with his boots. Smart man.
"I'll go with her," Fang speaks up. "You gents can pack everything up and rustle up some food." Fang grabs her own pack and walks over to Lightning. "Vanille?"
"I'm going to make something to eat. " She's eyeing the corpse with an intensity that gives Lightning a chill. Vanille walks over and hands Fang a bag. "Fill these flasks, will you? We're running low."
"Got it. Be back in a few." Fang promises and she and Lightning take off for the lake.
"I think it's dead," Fang says. Lightning looks at the soaked, stained vest in her hands, then back at Fang. She sighs, puts the vest on the rock and starts scrubbing at the stains again. Fang lays a hand on her shoulder. "There's no hope for it, my friend. It's done for."
Lightning lifts the vest up again, holds it by the shoulders to get a look at it. Fang's right. It is dead. "I really like this vest."
"Nothing to be done about it." Fang plucks the vest from Lightning's hands, throws it on the ground. "We'll give it a proper send off." Fang digs in her pack, comes out with a flask and a match. She takes a deep drink from the flask, pours some on the vest. "Want some? It's good stuff."
Lightning takes the flask and sniffs it. Whatever foul concoction is in there smells atrocious. "Pass, thanks." She hands the flask back to Fang. Sleep deprivation, blood loss and alcohol seems like a pretty bad idea right now.
"Suit yourself." Fang pockets the flask, pulls a match and tosses it on the vest. The garment goes up like a Roman Candle.
Lightning watches the vest burn with regret for a moment. She roots around in her bag, trying to come up with something to wear. She can't just wander around in her underwear, although at the rate she's destroying clothes, that soon may be her only option. "I'm running out of clothes."
"Here," Fang says, and she tosses something underhand. "You can have this. Try not to eviscerate anything for a couple of days. I don't have all that much clothing either, you know."
"Thanks," Lightning says, pulling the shirt on. Shirt, she thinks, is a relative term. Fang has an affinity for being scantily clad, it seems. Still, beggars can't be choosers. She rolls on her left glove, puts on her vambraces and buckles her holster around her thigh. She's managed to save her cape from the fire pit, so she buckles it on. Suited up and armed, she feels slightly less naked. A breeze chills the exposed flesh of her belly and arms.
Very slightly.
"Ready then?" Fang says. She and Fang split the full water canteens and flasks, and load them up like pack animals.
"Yep." She does feel much better now that she's cleaned the blood from her hair and skin, though not as good as she'd feel in hot water. And clothes. She'd kill for a hot bath. Maybe when they reach Oerba...
"So, you really don't remember that fight?" Fang asks. Lightning considers her answer.
"I remember pieces of it." /Bloodlust roaring at her, whispers to ravage./
"I couldn't get the Hero to shut up. He was shouting for you and I thought for sure he was going to distract you and get you killed. Or get himself killed."
The picture Fang paints for her sends a shiver down her spine. "I didn't hear him."
"Well, I can understand somewhat. When you're fighting, you disappear into a zone. It's all survival. Kill or be killed. There's no real rational thought left. I know it happens to me."
"You don't have to try and..."
"I'm not trying anything, alright?" Fang interrupts, quick and nervous. "I'm just saying that adrenaline wreaks havoc on our senses and screws with memory. That's all."
Lightning opens her mouth to argue. Closes it again. How bad are things when Fang is comforting her? How bad are things when she's willing to allow Fang to offer comfort? The answer comes unbidden. Pretty damn bad. The two spend the remainder of the walk in contemplative silence.
The camp is not broken down by the time they return and Lightening can't help but be irritated. It has taken nearly two hours to hike to the lake, fill all the empty canteens, buckets and flasks, bathe, comb the dried blood and god know what else out of her hair, clean her clothes, dress and hike back. The least that Snow, Sazh and Hope could have done is pack up their stuff. Instead they all sit looking pale and bit clammy. Lightning puts the water down, shoulder complaining under the strain of the weight.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Sazh says. Lightning raises an eyebrow.
"Nothing." Snow says. Lightning crosses her arms over her chest and looks at Hope for an answer.
"Um. Vanille skinned that animal." Lightning looks across camp and sees Vanille butchering the animal's carcass.
"Oh." Lightning says, putting the water down. "That's a good idea."
"Good idea. Yeah." Snow agrees, still looking slightly green. Lightning puts her water down and takes a good look at the three of them.
"So, I'm guessing you haven't eaten anything." She shouldn't really be surprised by their shock or disgust. After all, on Cocoon the entire food supply is generated by the fal'Cie Carbuncle. Odds are that none of them have really had much survival training. Vanille has been handling preparing most of the food since they've been on Gran Pulse, and the animals that they've eaten have been much smaller. It's one thing to watch someone skin a fish, or hare, or pluck a bird. Watching someone skin an animal three times the size of a man is a whole other story. Instead of fingers, Vanille would have had to use her fist to separate the hide from the meat. And considering her petite stature, it must have been quite a sight.
Lightning goes to see if she can help. In PSICOM she'd had to learn how to survive on her own as part of her training. She's not exactly adept, but she's certainly capable. Fang is mixing something together that smells atrocious. The hide looks cleaned and hydrated already and Lightning can only attribute that to the joys of magic. Vanille is not much of a fighter, but she can sure cast a mean spell. Lightning has no idea what sort of magic Vanille has worked here, but she sure the hell knows that preparing animal hides for tanning and use takes time. Days and days. "Anything I can do?"
Fang looks up and says, "Yeah. You can stay clean and not destroy that shirt. Vanille, love, are we really going to be able to finish this today? I'm not really interested in hanging around on the Steppe for longer than necessary."
"Uh huh." Vanille says, filleting meat into familiar strips for curing. "We'll have to let it set overnight, but it'll be worth it when we're in Mah'Habara. It can get awfully cold in those tunnels and a bit of fur will be awfully welcome."
"Hmm." Fang says, stirring and macerating whatever is in the pot. Considering what they're doing, she's guessing brains for tanning.
Lightning gives up trying to figure out what they're talking about, figures that she should work on preparing the water and setting up a perimeter. They're going to be here until tomorrow.
"So, one day of travelling and we're standing still again," Snow grumps as he sits himself beside her.
"So it seems." Lightning says. She strings a nylon cloth across the top of the pot and slowly decants the water through it in order to remove any silt or sand. Since it sounds as if they'll be here for the day, she plans to take her time preparing their water. She's tired of taking a sip of water and getting a mouthful of grit. She looks up, sees that the sun is already past its apex. "The days are getting shorter. And Vanille says we'll need the fur, so I guess it's going to get colder pretty fast. One day to prepare ourselves isn't time wasted." She throws another log on the fire to get it higher. "Besides, I feel better using a slaughtered animal than leaving it to rot."
"Hey, Sis, you know that you had no choice in that mess, right? I know that you said you didn't want to kill anything..."
"I didn't." Liar! "I don't. But survival is survival. If I didn't kill this one it would have killed me. Or we would have had to kill some other animal soon enough." Hope comes and sits beside her with a pile of animal bones. She removes the nylon carefully, stirs the pot, looks at him and says, "What are you doing?"
"I don't know. I just. I had this dream. I think I know a way to improve our weapons." Dream? Oh god, she hopes that he's not having dreams like hers. The idea of it makes her sick.
"Yeah, give me one of those," Sazh says, sitting beside him. Hope slides a bone toward Sazh. The four of them now sit in a loose circle around the slowly heating water. Sazh hands Snow a full plate of cooked meat. "Try some of that. It's delicious. Vanille sure can cook!" Snow takes a piece and hands the plate to her. She offers some to Hope, watches to make sure he eats before examining the meat for herself. She takes a piece of hot meat between her fingernails, nibbles at it. Sazh is right. It is delicious.
Sazh dumps the contents of his satchel of collected odds and ends, strips one Altair pistol down to parts and begins fiddling around. "What are you doing?" Lightning asks, curious and a bit horrified. She'll take her weapon apart to clean and oil it. But the idea of screwing around with her weapon is disturbing.
"I'm not really sure. But the kid said something that rings a bell with me." Sazh fits strange objects together, uses bizarre oils to grease the parts as he slides them back together. "Remember when I said that I'd lost chunks of memory and then got back memories of stuff I'd never known?" His fingers fly over the pieces of his gun as if he's made this modification thousands of times. "Well, I didn't just know how to mix up some new potions. I also knew how to make equipment modifications."
"Why didn't you say anything before?" Snow asks. His tone is curious without accusation.
"Honestly?" Sazh says as the slide of his pistol snaps forward. "I wasn't sure if I was remembering something or just losing my mind."
"You too, kid?" Snow asks.
Hope shakes his head. "For me it's different. It's not like I know it, but like I've seen it." Hope says. "Can I use that cable?" Sazh hands it over without looking, still intently modifying his pistols. Hope integrates the cable into his Airwing, hooks up something that sets the whole weapon humming. Lightning thinks about her own weapon, wonders if there's anything she can do to improve it before discarding the idea. The idea of profaning her weapon is too disturbing to consider.
"I'm glad I fight hand to hand. That all looks too confusing." Snow says, stealing another piece of meat from the plate in Lightning's lap.
"I could improve your coat. Like armor, if you want. I've got this carapace and leather here. I'm pretty sure I can work it in so you can't see it." Snow looks at his coat, skeptical. "You get hit an awful lot Hero, and you tend to stick to the front lines." Snow hems and haws for a bit before shrugging off his coat and letting Sazh have at it.
"What are you kiddies up to?" Fang says as she takes a seat in the circle. "Oooh. Are you done with that? I'm starving." Fang points to the plate that Lightning still holds. Lightning nods, hands over the plate. Snow plucks a piece of meat from the plate as it passes in front of him and Fang growls at him. He gives her his most dazzling smile. She smirks back at him. To Lightning she says, "Cheers!" She pops a piece of the meat into her mouth and hums her delight.
"So, what are you up to then Sazh?" Fang says around a mouthful of food. "That looks complicated."
Sazh is still fiddling with one pistol, adding strange components that they've accumulated over the past six weeks. Fang watches with fascination. "Hey, that looks pretty neat. Can you teach me that?"
"I'm not sure. It's not something I learned. I just...knew it."
"I think it's important that we talk about that," Lightning says. "About the dreams too," she says to Hope. Hope looks at her with wide eyes. Her gut rolls when she realizes that she's frightened him.
"What's on your mind then?" Fang says.
"Well, these abilities that Sazh has now." Lightning starts. "Does anyone have any idea what they might mean?"
Sazh shrugs. "I don't know. I can't say I'm not concerned about what's happening to me. But if it's useful, what the hell, right? Not like ignoring it is making it stop or go away."
Fang nods. "Right. And becoming l'Cie gave us magic, yeah? So, why should we be surprised if we learn other things. I have no idea how I know how to cast spells now. I just do."
Lightning nods. Fang makes an excellent point. Still, what's the explanation for the dreams.
"Hope, are your dreams...disturbing?"
"Huh?" Hope looks clueless. She is immediately relieved. If his dreams mirrored her own in any way, there is no way he could hide it from her. "What do you mean?"
"What are your dreams like?" She asks. She doesn't want to alarm him. Maybe Hope's dreams are pleasant and peaceful.
"I think the question here Sis, is what are your dreams like?" Snow leans forward, hands clasped between his knees.
Lightning sighs. Snow exasperates her. "Violent," she says honestly.
"Well, all things considered, I think that's pretty understandable, Soldier." Sazh says, slipping components into his wristband. "We've been fighting nonstop for six weeks. Watching people die, killing to stay alive. I've been having my fair share of nightmares."
"Are they normal nightmares?"
Sazh frowns. "What's a normal nightmare?"
Good question. Truth time.
"My dreams...nightmares feel more like memories than dreams." They all look at her, considering.
"I have nightmares about Serah turning to crystal," Snow admits. "That's a memory and a nightmare."
"Yes, it is." How can she explain this so it will make sense? Of course, that might be easier if it made any sort of sense to her. "But that's your memory." Lightning says, willing them to understand. "I'm having dreams that are like other people's memories." They all just stare at her. "At least, that's how they feel."
"Well, how can that be?" Sazh asks.
"I don't know. And I don't even know if that's what it is. I know it sounds crazy." I feel crazy.
I am crazy.
"Well, what do you remember?" Hope asks.
"I don't know. I don't know if that's even what they are. It's just how they feel. And I was wondering if I was the only one." I hope so. I hope not. God, what is wrong with me? "It's not important."
Snow looks like he's about to refute her statement when Vanille shrieks. Panic splashes over the group like a bucket of ice water. Fang nearly bowls Lightning over in an effort to reach Vanille. Sazh yells "Vanille!" and cocks both pistols, darts into the fray.
Lightning draws her weapon, terror pumping through her as she runs toward Vanille, Snow and Hope hard on her heels. They arrive to find Fang bent over a bleeding, woozy Vanille; Sazh stands guard, surveying the area for any threats. Lightning stops, waits, scans the area for threats. Nothing moves in the light breeze. "What happened?" She asks.
"Don't know," Fang snaps. She has a cloth pressed against Vanille's head. Hope runs to the prostrate girl, starts fussing over her. Lightning watches him for a moment, worried that he's going to use magic but unable to caution him against it. She looks away, continues monitoring for attack.
"Vanille? What happened?" Fang asks. Sazh is still poised with both guns leveled before him. He stares into the lengthening shadows, willing something to appear. He looks like he wants to kill something right now. Fang whispers, "Did you see?"
"Hmmm." Vanille grunts. She's too out of it to give answers. Lightning spots blood on a rock beside her, figures that the girl banged her head. She nudges Snow, points to the blood. He nods, continues looking for what's hit her and knocked her down.
"Did you fall?" Fang asks. Lightning holsters her weapon, kneels down next to Vanille to check her over. Vanille's pupils are blown wide from an obvious concussion. She's disoriented and in pain. Lightning runs her fingers around the back of her head and finds a bleeding bump where her head must have connected with the rock.
"She's not going to be able to answer you right now." Lightning concentrates, draws all her power to herself and casts a cure spell. The bump shrinks and disappears under her fingers. Vanille's eyes close in relief as the swelling subsides. "Give her a few minutes and give her some water." Fang nods at her, touches the freshly healed spot on the back of Vanille's head.
The gentle breeze picks up, whips Lightning's hair into her eyes. She swats at the offending hairs, squints into the breeze and shivers. She looks up to see if there are storm clouds gathering overhead...
Sees the Amphisbaena swooping down at them, aimed for Hope.
"No!" She gasps and hurls herself at Hope and Fang, knocks them to the ground and pins them beneath her. Claws rake across her back, drawing blood and a curse. The animal forces its weight down on her, closes its talons around her ribs, long claws pricking into her flesh. She bites her lip to stifle the yell, curls over Hope and waits for further onslaught. Gunshots ring out, the animal squawks once and ascends. Lightning rolls off of Hope and leaps to her feet, weapon drawn and firing in one move. Hope starts to get up and Lightning presses him back to the ground with her left hand.
"Stay down!"
"But..."
"Just do it, Hope." She growls, pressing him onto his belly. Fang is on her feet now, bladed lance whirling in her hands.
The animal circles overhead, shadow doing a slow, languorous sweep over the six companions. The animal takes its time assessing them, building its confidence and frazzling their nerves. Lightning stands protectively over Hope and Vanille, refusing to allow this creature access to the two youngest members of the group. She looks at Snow, sees the fury in his eyes, in his red face.
"Snow," she calls. He's too good to take his eyes off the threat.
"Yeah, Light. What's up?"
"Keep Hope and Vanille safe." That gets his attention. He looks over at her, confused. She winks at him and his eyes widen. She's moving before he can open his mouth. She runs for all she's worth, fires her weapon at the hovering threat. Makes a nuisance and moving target of herself.
"Lightning, no!" Snow yells. She ignores him, runs full tilt for the cliff face. The animal's shadow overtakes her before she gets there and she turns, ready for whatever comes. The animal tucks its wings close to its body, preparing to dive-bomb.
"Light!" Hope yells.
"Don't just stand there, you crazy bitch!" Fang yells. Lightning hears Fang charging for her, knows she won't make it.
Odin appears between Lightning and the Amphisbaena. The animal startles, opens its wings in an effort to slow its descent. It shimmies in mid air, squawks in frightened rage. It hadn't been expecting that.
How about this?
Lightning leaps up, willing Odin to understand her intentions. It does, the two of them tuned to each other. The Eidolon knows her needs almost before she does. Odin catches her in mid-air and hurls her at the faltering animal. She's like a bullet from a gun, hurtling toward her target. Her blade tears through the creature's wing like tissue paper on her ascent. The animal can no longer stay aloft and spins out, screaming as it falls. Its long tail catches her in the ribs with brutal force, spins her around and ruins her trajectory. She's lost her wind and orientation as a result of the hit. Gravity grabs a hold of her before she'd planned and she plunges head first toward the ground.
"Lightning!" Snow shouts.
She allows herself a second to regret before she closes her eyes and waits for death.
Chapter 12